PERSISTENCE of PERCEPTION
Well, it looks like I’m safe in the closet. While hearing my friends’ unfettered feelings hurt, it helped too. It made me realize that my closet is sealed shut against unwanted intruders.
The friends I’m talking about are very close. We probably see them once every 10 days on average. Considering how busy our lives are, that’s very often. We’ve known them for over a year and started getting close for the past nine months or so. I’ve effectively been on HRT for almost the same time. So what have they noticed and what do they know?
My body hair has lessened, and twice during this time I’ve removed my body hair. While the first time may have been more hidden, it hasn’t been as hidden this time with my friends (it’s hot now!). My face and body have softened a bit, though any chest curves have been hidden. I’ve eliminated the low end of my voice, so I speak relatively high for a guy, though still recognizably male.
All that may have changed very slowly, and thus be more difficult to view, but there are obvious changes as well. They know I’m growing out my hair. They also know that I’m removing my beard.
If they had a glimmer of thought that I might be trans, then they probably wouldn’t have said what they did (not that it was particularly bad, mind you). So what this means is that there is a persistence of perception.
Of course, my presentation is still male. I don’t get maam’ed or anything. But once identified as male, I suspect I will be identified as male until my body is so feminine that other people would be maam’ing me in front of them.
As Martha Stewart might say, this is a good thing! It makes me feel more safe about my friends and my work. It means that our plan of staying in the closet for a few years is quite viable.