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WTF?
SO, THIS MORNING THE MONKEY GETS UP EARLY. HE COMES INTO MY ROOM TO PLAY WITH HIS COMPUTER. I WANTED TO GET PETTED SO I LET HIM KNOW. HE COMES OVER TO THE COUCH WHERE I'M SITTING AND STARTS TO PET THE SLUGGY NICE! THEN, WHEN I'M ALL PURRING AND STUFF, ROO COMES OVER AND SNIFFING ME SO I SMASH HER ON THE HEAD. GET OUTTA MY FUCKING PERSONAL SPACE, ( Read more... ) -
NEW PLACE
SLUG HAS MOVED. NOT IN CYBER SPACE BUT IN REAL LIFE. SLUG DOESN'T LIVE IN BOSTON ANYMORE. SLUG LIVES SOMEWHERE (?) ELSE BUT IT'S MORE LIKE WHERE SLUG WAS BORN IN MAINE. THERE ARE REGULAR HOUSES AND LOTS OF TREES AND A LARGE BACK YARD. GUESS WHAT!? SLUG GETS TO GO OUTSIDE AGAIN! I'M A HAPPY SLUG! THE NEW PLACE HAS MORE WINDOWS TO HANG OUT IN AND ISN ( Read more... ) -
RIP MR. RATONIE
ONE OF MY FRIENDS DIED THE OTHER DAY. CATS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS WITH RATS BUT I WAS (SORT OF) WITH THIS ONE. WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE RATTIE, I'D SOMETIMES GO IN HIS CAGE AND HANG OUT WITH HIM. HE SEEMED LIKE AN OK CHARACTER. THE MONKEYS USED TO LEAVE THE CAGE DOOR OPEN SO I COULD GO HANG WITH HIM AND HIS BROTHER (BIG GUY, WHO DIED LAST YEAR ( Read more... ) -
$200 POOPIE
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO. THIS WAS BEFORE MY LIFE WAS COMPLETELY DESTYROYED WHEN THE MONKEYS WENT OUT AND GOT ABOUT 100 STUPID KITTENS ( Read more... ) -
DEMENTED MANIAC DOCTOR AND HIS SICK FRIEND
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE WITH THE OWNER THAT I LIVE WITH. HE HAS A FRIEND THAT HAS MADE HIS BRAIN DEGRADE EVEN FURTHER. REMEMBER IN THE LAST ENTRY I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS "WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY" THAT THE MONKEY WANTED TO OFFER HIS PATIENTS (EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NO LICENSE TO PRACTICE MEDICINE). WELL, HIS FUCKING ARTIST FRIEND DREW A HORRIBLE PICTURE! ( Read more... ) -
HORROR! MANIAC I LIVE WITH
THE MANIAC MONKEY DOCTOR I LIVE WITH HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT A NEW TYPE OF SURGERY. I FOUND HIS PLANS ONLINE. HE'S A FUCKING DISGRACE! HE'S GOING TO BE ARRESTED AND PUT IN JAIL AND WHO IS GOING TO FEED THE SLUG AND PAY FOR THE APARTMENT? THE GIRL MONKEY? SHE'S GOING BACK TO SCHOOL! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH OWNERS LIKE THIS!?
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PSYCHO DOCTOR
ONE OF THE MONKEYS I LIVE WITH CLAIMS TO BE A DOCTOR BUT HE'S REALLY A FRAUD AND PRACTICES ILLEGALLY. HE HAS PEOPLE COME IN AND CHARGES THEM $50 PER VISTOT. THIS HUMAN DOCTOR HAS A FATALITY RATE FOR HIS PATIENTS GREATER THAN 50%. THESE MORONS COME IN THINKING IT'S A CHEAP DOCTORS VISIT BUT MORE THAN HALF DIE IN THE OFFICE. THE MONKEY DOCTOR I LIVE ( Read more... ) -
ANOTHER PIECE OF BULLSHIT
WHILE I'M ON A ROLL, LET ME COMPLAIN ABOUT ONE MORE THING. WHEN THE MONKEYS GET HOME FROM WHEREVER THEY ARE OUTSIDE, THEY SIT THERE AND HOOT AND HOLLAR TO ONE ANOTHER. AND THEY DON'T FUCKING FEED US CATS. WE'RE TRAPPED IN THE HOUSE ALL DAY AND STARVING AND ALL THEY DO IS SIT THERE LIKE IMBECILES, BLABBING GIBBERISH TO ONE ANOTHER. LET ME SHOW YOU A ( Read more... ) -
OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS. THE MONKEYS BROUGHT YET ANOTHER CAT TO LIVE WITH US. THIS CAT SPAWNED! NOW THERE ARE ADDITIONAL YUCKY KITTENS LIVING WITH US AS THE FUCKING THING SPAWNED OTHER CATS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT CAT!? IT LEFT TO GO LIVE WITH ONE OF THE MONKEYS PARENTS BUT LEFT ITS FUCKING SPAWN HERE SO THAT THEY CAN BOTHER ME. ( Read more... ) -
HELL ON EARTH
THE LARGER MONKEY PUTS MY FOOD IN SUCH A WAY THAT I HAVE TO STAND NEXT TO ONE OF THE LITTLER CATS (WITH LITTLER BRAINS) WHEN I EAT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM? DOESN'T HE KNOW THOSE LITTLE CATS SMELL, AND HAVE BAD FUCKING BREATH. SOME OF THEM PUT THEIR NOSES NEAR MY FUCKING FOOD AND TRY TO GET A TASTE. IF I TRY TO WACK THEM, I GET IN TROUBLE ( Read more... )
