CHAPTER SIXTEEN

JACOB: BREATHE, BELLA, YOU GODDAMN IDIOT.

BELLA: What? That voice isn’t Edward’s. Goddammit. Are you hitting my face with a rock? Wait, no, that’s your hand.

SAM: Is she dead?

( Chapter Sixteen )

CHAPTER FIFTEEN... I’M ACTUALLY LITERALLY STARTING TO FALL ASLEEP AT THIS BOOKBELLA: It’s spring break and I’m keeping with tradition of being hunted by a crazed vampire during this time. Anyway, I love hanging out with Jacob, holding hands at the beach! Everyone assumes we’re dating, but we’re totally not. It’s not like I’m totally perpetuating ( Read more... )

CHAPTER FOURTEEN... WE ARE FAMILY! I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME...

HALF-NAKED GUYS: Yo.

MIDDLEAGED HOUSEWIVES WITH EMPTY MARRIAGES READING THIS BOOK: It’s my dream come true!

STEPHENIE MEYERS: I know, right!?

( Chapter Fourteen )

CHAPTER THIRTEENBELLA: I need to confront Jacob, but not over the phone. Now that he’s a psycho killer I’m going to confront him face to face... hey, maybe Edward’s voice will pop up in my head! Either way, I have to warn him that my dad and his buddies are going to shoot his furry ass ( Read more... )

CHAPTER TWELVE

DARK SHAPE: O hi thar.

BELLA: OH FUCK YOU’RE ONE OF THE VAMPIRES OBSESSED WITH ME AREN’T YOU?

( *yawn* Chapter Twelve... )

CHAPTER ELEVENA FEW DAYS: *pass ( Read more... )

CHAPTER TEN

BELLA: Dad Jacob hasn’t called, call other people and find out why I call several times a day and don’t get an answer and when I went there without being invited the house was empty!

CHARLIE: Okay!

( Chapter Ten oh god why am I doing this )

CHAPTER NINEBELLA: Despite the fact that life is better than it has been, I’m like a lost moon who’s lost her planet! My world revolved around Edward and now that’s all crashed down into oblivion! Now I revolve around nothingness ( Read more... )

CHAPTER EIGHT

BELLA: I’ve lived through the pain of Edward leaving me, I’ve lived through the pain of Edward leaving me, I’ve lived through the pain of Edward leaving me...

JACOB: What?

BELLA: I’m trying to convince myself that riding a motorcycle for the first time shouldn’t be scary.

BELLA’S STOMACH: Sure bitch, like I’ll buy that.

( Chapter eight )

CHAPTER SEVEN

BELLA: I am just so masochistic and love torture! Jacob actually makes me into a sane human being but fuck that noise, I would rather angst over Edward so I’m going to drive up to his abandoned house!

THE HOUSE: Aw dammit, not you again...

( Chapter Seven... guys we have like twenty more of these to go. I'm sorry. )