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Disclaimer: If you love Twilight, I do not hate you. Just the things you like.
CHAPTER SIX
JACOB: So anyway there I was about to rip a rabbit apart and... oh wait, human stories. Anyway, I have two friends with weird names and oh look they’re here.
QUIL AND EMBRY: Hi!
( Chapter Six ) -
I read to escape from things of the world, like whiny teenagers. Twilight is not this escape.
CHAPTER FIVE
MIKE: Bella, I’m tired of your face, take off of work early and go home.
BELLA: But I angst best while I’m at work. It distracts me from the pain of losing Edwa--
MIKE: God just shut up already.
( Chapter Five ) -
I need to reread my parody and have a contest with myself over which chapter is more pointless
CHAPTER FOUR
FOUR MONTHS: *pass*
...
FOUR MONTHS...
...
*PASS*
BELLA: *is still a whiny emo bitch over this*
FOUR FUCKING MONTHS OF THIS SHIT: *seriously what the hell*
( Chapter Four ) -
I am suffering severe period cramps and prefer it over these books
CHAPTER THREE... IT’S CALLED “THE END” BUT I DOUBT WE’RE THAT LUCKYBELLA: Man today sucks ( Read more... ) -
I don't remember what I wrote for most of this. I blacked out while it happened.
CHAPTER TWO
VAMPIRES: Sooo... sorry about that.
CARLISLE: Want to go to a hospital, seeing as you have a ton of glass inside of you and you’re bleeding everywhere?
BELLA: Hospitals are embarrassing, fix me here!
( Chapter Two ) -
One of these days I'll have a Twilight-relevant icon... until then, I'll have GOOD icons.
Oh God... it literally took months... but I did it. I got through the New Moon parody ( Read more... ) -
Twilight! 22... and also, fuck this noise
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
...
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK ITTHE REST OF THE BOOK: *is boring ( Read more... ) -
Twilight! 21
TWENTY-ONE... AND IT’S CALLED “THE PHONE CALL”... THIS IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER VERY STUPID CHAPTER, ISN’T IT? PLOT, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?
PLOT: *sobs, swallows pills*
FAIR ENOUGH
( Chapter Twenty-one... ) -
Twilight! 20
Missed the beginning? Start here!
TWILIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY GOD WHEN DOES THIS ENDPLOT: I’m still not convinced that this is me. I mean seriously, hundreds of pages of googly eyes and unrealistic stalkerish controlling romance and fainting and head-crushing-sex-talk and the best thing I can do to make up for all that is introducing ANOTHER BELLA- ( Read more... ) -
Twilight! 19
Missed the beginning? Start here!
TWILIGHT
CHAPTER NINETEEN
EMMETT: Okay you’re safe to go inside and we’ll protect you forever.
BELLA: I met you today and yet I’m crying that I’ll never see you again! It’s cool though dude. Oh and Edward I love you forever and ever.
EDWARD: Just go inside and do what you have to.
( Chapter Nineteen... )