make em scream and shout

[shaynabelle]

I'm doing a comparison between Apple, Dell and Microsoft. I've got pages and pages of financial records for the past 5 years and I'm sorting through them. I am ill-equipped for this. I am near tears with frustration. I am grappling with unfamiliar terms and I am drinking wine and it is difficult

Comments

[brennarella]

give up on yourself = accept yourself

[shaynabelle]

Give up on trying to be better, an "oh hell, screw it" moment. Acceptence is mixed somewhere in there, occassionally gracing me with its presence.. ha

[brennarella]

No, totally, you're way too cheerful and positive sometimes, and you do need to be able to express the negativity OUTSIDE of your brain. What I worry about is using words like "obese" and "revolting". I understand how scary and frustrating this weight issue is, and I'm very concerned, but I guess I don't understand why it's more than just a health concern. And I also don't really understand why you want to be "small". It must be extremely frustrating to put as much effort as you do into your weight and not be rewarded. That I can kinda understand. What I don't really understand is why all the effort in the first place. Gaining 6lbs that quickly for no reason is scary, definitely. So maybe it's easier to think about it as frustrating and depressing than as a scary thing

[brennarella]

See, this:

I thought you were in grad school because you loved languages and studying them in depth! And because you ARE smart and furthering your schooling only worked the smartness MORE! Plus, it's a great experience and opportunity for travel and meeting wonderful people.Too positive. You sound like you're selling me

[sheilagh]

A brain doc that I've read wrote that it takes about 45 minutes of focused effort to get into a brain state that uses not-your-lead-function.

Ie, if I were to try to get into my Tina headspace & do detailed cleaning or taking inventory, I should give myself at least 30 and more like 45 minutes before I scold myself for not being instantaneously Tina-like.

Being all physical and watching my environment (Elliot/Sebastian traits) takes about that long, too.

Maybe try giving yourself that much time, focused, intentional time, before you get down on yourself?

*hugs*

[shaynabelle]

I totally believe that. I wasn't actually down on myself when I wrote this, oddly. I was frustrated as all hell but kinda like when I go running and it's hot and I'm sweating and breathing hard and I think god DAMN this i hard but I have no intention of giving up nor do I feel I'm incapable of finishing my run, I'm just feeling the uncomfortable-ness in the moment. If that makes ANY sense. This is hard and frustrating but I knew it would be and I'm sticking with it and I don't think I'm dumb just because I don't know how to financial audit companies yet. I'm actually impressed with myself that I'm even trying, and that I've done as well as I have.

But oh my lord I never wanna spend 45 minutes getting into a detailed-cleaning frame of mind! I haaaaaate cleaning (witness exhibit A: my house)

smooch.

[summernot]

I've got 7 years of from the inside Apple experience. During that time I tracked the stock daily. If you need any info on inventory management or any other aspects of operations at Apple and how they did stuff, feel free to get in touch

[shaynabelle]

hehe, thank you summer. If I need info I'll hitcha up. I heart you. I LOVE the low-rise jeans!!!

I've spent the last year doing the natural let-my-body-work-it-out thing (including lots of yoga, full-fat foods, accupuncture, etc), and haven't had a period in all that time which is concerning, since I've always been freakishly regular. Now it's time to stop the passive-ness and I'm okay doing the hormone thing and trying to figure out what's going on. Oddly, the hormones seem to be fixing my hypoglycemia, which is freaking mindblowingly amazing for me. No more shakes! Anyway, I think it IS also making me moody, but it'll even out, I know that.

As for the penultimate paragraph there, it's an ongoing process, this self-acceptance/real confidence thing, but one to which I'm absolutely comitted. Progress is constantly made. Thank godness.

Aaand rock ON with your champagne self. Happy birthday celebrations!!!

[merilaine]

Wine nights rock. Did you know that a yuppy + a hippy = a yippy? This is a great new term, developed during a wine night. Still in favor here of another attempt at a wine night over the holidays.

For me, hormones = self-loathe. I don't get mean, or want chocolate - I just can't do anything right any more. At least I mentally think that. So before I try to fix myself, I do a check like a handyman's step-by-step. You know - is it plugged in? Is it turned on? Am I overloading on hormones?

Your smallest paragraph is your bright side of things ;).

[shaynabelle]

Yip, I knew that. hehehe. YES, let's please have a wine night! Maybe we should pick a date NOW and put it on our calendars... Early in the holiday season? Soon as B gets here?

YES, I think the hormones are messin' with me for sure. Yes, I have that exact thing, except I also want chocolate. hehe. It's funny, I told Ali a few weeks ago, when the first emotional blast hit from the hormones, that I KNOW it's hormonal but I still FEEL that way so knowing it's just hormones doesn't really make it much better. But then we laughed, and it did make it better.

hehe, at least I always have a little looking-at-the-bright side, regardless of my moodiness!

[merilaine]

True. And don't give it up :)...

I vote for when B gets in.

[brennarella]

I vote for when I get in too! :)

[xacat]

girl, go easy on yourself! you're only a week or in. allow yourself some patience and time (and a few glasses of *guilt free* wine) to grok this stuff.

how long are you advised to continue taking the progesterone? from experience, the weight gain tapers off after the first month or two and taking steps to mitigate water retention helps tremendously, but hypersensitivity and mood swing side effects never subside. ymmv.

[shaynabelle]

That was my goal last night. Chillin' with wine and the balance sheets and a calculator. It was sooooo frustrating and hard but I finally beat it, I think :) and oooh does that feel good!

I'm only on the horomones (now progesterone AND estrogen) for a month. Yes, I've heard the weight gain slows after the first month but hopefully I'll not be on them after that! You're the only person I know who has struggled with pills which cause weight gain. It's a bitch, right? I'm trying to be zen about it but every now and then when I try on some clothing item I love that is super tight, i just get pissed!