make em scream and shout

[shaynabelle]

I'm doing a comparison between Apple, Dell and Microsoft. I've got pages and pages of financial records for the past 5 years and I'm sorting through them. I am ill-equipped for this. I am near tears with frustration. I am grappling with unfamiliar terms and I am drinking wine and it is difficult

Comments

[brennarella]

give up on yourself = accept yourself

[shaynabelle]

Give up on trying to be better, an "oh hell, screw it" moment. Acceptence is mixed somewhere in there, occassionally gracing me with its presence.. ha

[brennarella]

No, totally, you're way too cheerful and positive sometimes, and you do need to be able to express the negativity OUTSIDE of your brain. What I worry about is using words like "obese" and "revolting". I understand how scary and frustrating this weight issue is, and I'm very concerned, but I guess I don't understand why it's more than just a health concern. And I also don't really understand why you want to be "small". It must be extremely frustrating to put as much effort as you do into your weight and not be rewarded. That I can kinda understand. What I don't really understand is why all the effort in the first place. Gaining 6lbs that quickly for no reason is scary, definitely. So maybe it's easier to think about it as frustrating and depressing than as a scary thing

[brennarella]

See, this:

I thought you were in grad school because you loved languages and studying them in depth! And because you ARE smart and furthering your schooling only worked the smartness MORE! Plus, it's a great experience and opportunity for travel and meeting wonderful people.Too positive. You sound like you're selling me

[shaynabelle]

DUDE, I know, what's up with that? I actually think about that a lot, about how often my way of dealing with friends who ever say negative things about themselves is to go all hyper positive instead of being REAL and somehow supporting without obsequiously spouting all happy Disney "go girl" things. I'm allll for a little girl-power/happy view, but not to the exclusion of REAL friendship talks. I dunno how to do that, quite

[brennarella]

Hahaha! Yes! We have communication!

As for my way of getting down and taking it out on me instead of external forces, I think you're right that I do it and I think it has somethign to do wtih my upbringing and learnign that if I'm down on myself first, it'll be harder for other people (read: perhaps my dad?) to be down on me. That makes me understand it, but I DO see that it's not right and slowly slowly I'm becoming more able to stand up and say hey, this isnt' right to ME,

Exactly! Ok, I'm glad to know you know where it's coming from because I've never understood it.

Sorry, we should continue this elsewhere. It's the same conversation we always have, it seems. We just haven't had it in a while. ;)

[brennarella]

Er, that sounded bad. I was making fun of myself there with the communication thing. Yet again I manage to NOT communicate effectively.