make em scream and shout
I'm doing a comparison between Apple, Dell and Microsoft. I've got pages and pages of financial records for the past 5 years and I'm sorting through them. I am ill-equipped for this. I am near tears with frustration. I am grappling with unfamiliar terms and I am drinking wine and it is difficult
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I DO, however, have utmost respect for you and what you've done with your life. I don't know why, but I see it as more responsible and upright than simply backpacking around the world. Somehow I believe the "you're getting a PHd therefore you're smart" thing, so maybe it's a good ploy?? I thought you were smart before, though... Regardless, I see what you mean. hHrm.
What IS/would be super amazing? I honest to god think you ARE super amazing, and I mean that sincerely.
As for my way of getting down and taking it out on me instead of external forces, I think you're right that I do it and I think it has somethign to do wtih my upbringing and learnign that if I'm down on myself first, it'll be harder for other people (read: perhaps my dad?) to be down on me. That makes me understand it, but I DO see that it's not right and slowly slowly I'm becoming more able to stand up and say hey, this isnt' right to ME, this isn't okay with me, this is NOT my failing but a failing in XYZ. And lemme tell you, I bitch SO much about my funky messed up hormones and goddamn female plumbing AND about the stupidity of doctors in figuring this out AND about work not valueing me enough, etc, I just somehow don't post much of that in here... Ask Ali, he'll tell you I kvetch a ton about this stuff on a daily basis!
in this post I really wasn't trying to be down on myself. I was frustrated with outside things and words like "obese" and "disgusting" are my ways of cussing, using words to the extreme. Clearly I don't think I'm actually obese. But since when do I use words to mean what i ACTUALLY mean? hehehe.
Anyway, I love you too and I hope I didn't jump on you. I think there are some problems with communicating only via LJ, mainly that only certain things are put forth here and certain moods inspire posting when others do not and so the views are skewed on what I may really be/feel/see/do/etc. It's especially problematic for me with you because you never POST! So I have nooo idea what you're up to in that far away state of yours...
I'm rambling because I've decided I like the clickity clack sound of the keyboard... soooo relaxing... zzzz
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As for my way of getting down and taking it out on me instead of external forces, I think you're right that I do it and I think it has somethign to do wtih my upbringing and learnign that if I'm down on myself first, it'll be harder for other people (read: perhaps my dad?) to be down on me. That makes me understand it, but I DO see that it's not right and slowly slowly I'm becoming more able to stand up and say hey, this isnt' right to ME,
Exactly! Ok, I'm glad to know you know where it's coming from because I've never understood it.
Sorry, we should continue this elsewhere. It's the same conversation we always have, it seems. We just haven't had it in a while. ;)
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