THE RETURN 32: Lilly [Lilly/Ensemble] PG-13
Title: The Return 32-Lilly [The Break]
Rating: PG-13 (because I’m pretty sure there’s some swearing or something… it’s Lilly)
Word Count: 6,616
Characters/Pairings: Lilly I, Veronica, Logan (mentions of: Duncan, Lilly II, Aaron, Weevil, OFC, Piz, Dick and Mac) Logan/Veronica
Spoilers: All episodes (from 1.01: Pilot to 3.20: The Bitch Is Back. Just to be sure) Although this is obviously AU and there are obviously going to be some alterations to events and especially some in the last couple of episodes.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally, nothing. So don’t sue me over this, because you won’t get anything. It all belongs to Rob Thomas and if I had owned it when it was still on the last season would have been way different.
Chapter 1: Awake/ Chapter 2: Homecoming/ Chapter 3: Forgive/ Chapter 4: Arrival/ Chapter 5: Reconnect/ Chapter 6: Belong/ Chapter 7: Bets/ Chapter 8: Fight/ Chapter 9: Battle/ Chapter 10: Retreat/ Chapter 11: Push/ Chapter 12: Sound/ Chapter 13: Potential/ Chapter 14: More/ Chapter 15: Storytime/ Chapter 16: Understanding/ Chapter 17: Piggyback/ Chapter 18: Sinners/ Chapter 19: Drama/ Chapter 20: Dinner/ Chapter 21: Armor/ Chapter 22:Mingle/ 23:Bubbly/ 24:Awkward/ 25:Closing/ 26: Drunks/ 27: Logan/ 28: Wallace/ 29: Mac/ 30: Parker/ 31: Duncan
The Return
32
Lilly
~The Break~
“Nice chat?” Lilly asked from the chair by the windows as Veronica entered the bedroom.
“Actually, yeah, it was.” Veronica informed her, moving towards her bed to adjust the two open suitcases on the bed.
“I didn’t hear any yelling and screaming, so it seems that you’ve made up.” She pointed out, standing up and moving away from her chair.
“I guess we made a start at it at least. This time we’ll be friends without any illusions our previous pedestals gave us.” Veronica stood there, staring at the open suitcases for a moment, hands fisted on her hips. Her best friend never changed, standing there, making a plan of attack on the whole packing thing.
Lilly walked around to the side of the bed and sat, staring at Veronica stare at the suitcases, lost in thought. After a moment she laid down and waited as Veronica gave up on her packing plan and came around to lay next to her. “Well, good for you guys then. I guess.”
“Yeah. Where’s Logan?” Veronica turned onto her side to face Lilly, after a moment or two she mirrored the move.
“He went downstairs to pack snacks.” Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper before continuing on, trying not to let the disappointment show in her voice. “So you’re really leaving early?”
“Yep. To be honest, this reunion has been a little weird.” Veronica’s voice lowered as well, her lashes fluttering a little as she looked down and avoided Lilly’s gaze.
“I know what you mean, who would’ve thought that the Donut would be here. That was a twist.” Lilly laughed, letting her best friend know that she didn’t take offense to the comment. The whole reunion thing had been weird, and unexpected.
“You know, it could’ve only happened this way, all of crammed together under on roof and forced to work things out. Still, I think I would’ve preferred if it had just been the four of us.” Veronica shifted a little closer to Lilly, pulling a pillow down under her head. “I think it might’ve been a little better if all the drama hadn’t played out with quite as large an audience.”
“And you and Logan’s bedroom performances had been a little more private too?” Lilly asked, giggling at the sudden indignation on Veronica’s face.
“I hate you so much right now.” Veronica said with a serious face, but after a moment the façade broke and she joined in on the giggles.
“Dear Penthouse, I thought it would be a long and lonely vacation, alas…” Logan’s voice sounded from the doorway.
“Shut up, you big jerk.” It was Lilly’s turn to fake anger, scowling at him as she got of the bed and Veronica twisted around to look at him.
“I thought you’d be done, or nearly done, packing by now.” Logan commented as he walked to the bed to kiss his girlfriend, sparing only the tiniest glance at the empty suitcases.
“I had a talk with Duncan and then the queen of let-someone-else-do-it showed up.” Veronica explained, sliding off the bed and returning to her stance in front of the suitcases.
“Me? Queen? Why thank you. I shall do my best to uphold the standards of which my noble position demands of me.” Lilly joked, holding a mocking hand over her heart as she feigned a the accent more typical of a southern belle.
“The two of you are certainly in a good mood.” Logan commented, smirking at Lilly as wrapped his arms around Veronica’s waist.
“Take a knee Logan, I wish to knight thee.” Lilly demanded, still feigning her accent.
“What if I don’t want to be knighted?” Logan asked, his smirk becoming an actual smile as Lilly looked around for something to use to knight him with.
“You don’t… Gasp.” Lilly acted affronted as she spotted an umbrella propped against the wall by the dresser. “Oh the scandal!” She moved her hand from her chest to press the back of it down against her forehead. She moaned a little and then faked a faint and fell back onto the bed. The moved shook the bed and the suitcase Veronica had begun loading clothes into bounced as the other one rocked and slipped off the bed completely.
“You know, sometimes you can be a real dork.” Logan told her, rolling his eyes and moving away from Veronica to the other side of the bed and flopping down next to her. Their heads lay side by side, their legs hanging off opposite sides of the bed.
“You guys just lay there and relax. I’ll pack.” Veronica was chuckling as she readjusted the suitcases again and made room for both of them at the end of the bed, flipping them open and continuing to pack Logan’s boxers into one.
Logan sat up suddenly, nearly catching Lilly with his elbow. “What do you need me to do, babe?”
“Nothing.” Veronica said simply, moving onto his socks.
“C’mon, I’ll help.” Logan insisted.
“I’ve seen the way you pack, so just go get all our stuff and bring it over here.” Veronica instructed as she turned to pack the other suitcase with her under things.
Logan immediately stood and went to the closet, gathering their clothes in one big sweep of his arms. Lilly and Veronica watched as he wrapped his arms around the mass of clothing and lifted the hangers off the closet rod. He brought them over to the bed, the girls following his movement, and attempted to shove them all into the empty suitcases.
“Stop, they’re still on their hangers.” Veronica protested, looking shocked.
“It’s okay, next time we come up we’ll bring them back. Or get new ones.” Logan explained, still trying to get it all into the suitcase.
“Stop, okay? I’ll do the rest, just…” Veronica looked around the room for a moment before pointing at the chair Lilly had been sitting in earlier. “…go sit.”
Logan scowled at the command, glanced back at the suitcase and pile of clothes and then to Veronica again.
“Sit.” She commanded a second time. With his scowl still firmly in place, Logan trudged to the seating area and pointedly chose the chair she had not been pointing to, causing both girls to roll their eyes.
“Good boy.” Lilly giggled, earning a sneer from Logan. She continued to laugh while she readjusted herself of the bed so she was lying on her stomach and facing Logan but still could easily see Veronica as she was packing. What am I supposed to do with all these people without you two?”
“Well, you still have Dunc and you know Dick. And you know everyone else now, so don’t act like we’re leaving you with strangers.” Veronica told her as she began pulling Logan’s clothes from the pile and began folding and packing them into his suitcase, not glancing up while she spoke.
“I’m not so sure about that Piz kid, though.” She whined.
“He’s basically harmless, and you’d know that if you actually gave him the time of day.” Logan told her, his scowl now replaced with a look that she could almost describe as worry.
“I love that he thinks he’s harmless.” She heard Veronica mutter. Logan didn’t seem to hear her and Lilly decided not to comment on it. Veronica had told her all about how Logan had beaten Piz into the hospital the year before after a pseudo sex tape had been released on the internet.
“I guess I could be a bit nicer, but to be honest, he’s kind of fun to be mean to.” Lilly explained.
“Oh. Lilly, don’t be mean to him. It’s too easy, and quite honestly he’s a little too sensitive to it. It’s like kicking a puppy.” Veronica scolded.
“He is a little like a puppy, has the eyes for it and everything.” Lilly commented, pouting a little. She hated it when she was told to be nice, it made her feel like such a bully, which she was. But she didn’t actually like feeling like one.
“Yeah, so be nice to him, after all, he’s not really like us. He doesn’t understand or cope with things the way we do. So be nice, okay? He’s kind of simple in that didn’t-grow-up-in-Neptune sort of way.” So it turns out that Veronica was still a pro at giving lectures.
“Maybe that should be my new way of doing things. Be nice. Because my way of being-” Lilly started.
“A bitch?” Logan supplied, interrupting her.
“Don’t be so blunt Logan. I prefer sassy.” Lilly informed him.
“Well, I prefer honest and honestly you’re a bitch. Or were. Or will be. Whichever you prefer, sassy pants.”
“Okay. Being a bitch hasn’t helped me any, so I’ll take it down a notch.” Lilly finished her earlier statement.
“Not too much, just with out friends.” Veronica interjected. “I’d hate for you to become the ‘sweet’ one.”
“And you the bitch?” Lilly asked, turning to focus on Veronica. She’d gotten the impression that Veronica wasn’t necessarily known as the ‘sweet’ one these days either.
“Don’t worry Lil, I’m going to be the bitch no matter what. I’ve spent the last four years earning the title.” Veronica laughed, closing the lid on Logan’s suitcase and zipping it shut. “You don’t get it just because you had it first.”
Veronica pulled his full suitcase off the bed and wheeled it to stand next to the bedroom door. Logan stood and went into the bathroom.
“Maybe… maybe I need to make a break.” Lilly said distractedly as she watched the bathroom door. Logan hadn’t closed it, and now she could hear the clinking and shuffling of objects.
“What?” Veronica asked, looking up from her partially packed suitcase with a confused look. Logan wore a similar look as he poked his head out of the bathroom, a toiletries kit in his left hand and a bottle of cologne and aftershave in his left.
“A total break. With who I was, because no good came out of her. Think where we’d be if I’d thought about more than myself or the moment. We’d be a lot better off, that’s where. If I’d thought about how it’d affect anyone else I might’ve realized what a bad idea it was.” Lilly took a deep breath. It turned out listing your failings, your faults, wasn’t much fun. Or easy. “But I didn’t put any thought into it at the time. Then I lied about it and thought it was the greatest secret, thought it made me so cool. I lied and I was stupid. So maybe I need to make a break with who I was.”
“Okay, so what is you’re first order of business? What’s the first break?” Veronica asked, her eyebrows furrowing together in more than just a little concern.
“I couldn’t admit it before, thought it was all part of the game, but… I’m in love with Eli. I didn’t want to be, not then because, well, it was a game and he was just supposed to be a pawn. A move against my mother and her abhorrence of all things poor and Mexican. It was akin to banging the pool boy. A shame I was bringing on my mother’s perfect country club reputation.” She squirmed a little on the bed, uncomfortable with the confession. She didn’t particularly enjoy admitting to this, but if there was anyone that would understand about complicated it was these two. “I wasn’t supposed to actually care, so I treated him like a pawn and a dirty little secret. But I loved him, and even though it’s been years, still do because I never had time to get over it. He might be, but I find that I’m not.”
“Well, at least you’re admitting it now.” Logan commented, finally coming out of the bathroom, dropping his shaving kit on top of Veronica’s clothes, causing her to sigh in annoyance.
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked, panic blooming in her chest that she hadn’t hidden it as well as she had thought.
“Well, all last night you bitch about Weevs and then you’re absolute and unnecessary hatred of that Jessie chick, at least you’re admitting it.” Logan explained, going over to sit in his chair again before muttering, “Not like Jessie wasn’t annoying though.”
“Well, I didn’t realize I was in love with him, okay? Not until on the way home last night. He didn’t come home and I had what felt like a cannonball in my stomach at the thought of him and her…” She trailed off, the renewed cannonball-stomach feeling making her incapable of holding back the instinctive grimace.
“I’m sorry Lilly, he’s had four years to get over you, but he’s had three years of stewing over the way things really were back then to build up a lot of issues over it. Over the fact that you were seeing Logan, and him and Logan’s…” Veronica cut herself off, unable to add the word dad at the end of the statement. Lilly understood, when she looked back on it she was surprised she wasn’t more creeped out back then. Like she kind of was right now. She swallowed the building lump in her throat, shocked in retrospection that she’d thought that was any kind of okay. Sleeping with my boyfriend’s dad? Ex-boyfriend, but still…
“So I guess that’s the question then. The big break. Do I try? Do I tell him how I feel and ask him to forgive me and see if we can’t make a go of it? I mean, should I try and get him back? Fight for him?” She asked, looking at her two best and oldest friends.
“Or… or should I pack it in? admit defeat and leave him alone? Get over him and myself and start over?” The very thought of it, admitting defeat in anything, made her stomach turn and her heart beat faster. It was giving up, and she’d never done that before. She hadn’t given up when she and Logan broke up, tormenting and tempting him to come back every time. She hadn’t given up when Aaron had followed her home and tried to intimidate her into giving him back the tapes. No, instead she had taunted him into picking up an ashtray and slamming it into her head in an attempt to kill her and silence her on the subject forever. She hadn’t given up in the hospital, when she’d been in a coma for years with no hope of waking. She’s pretty sure if Aaron had succeeded in killing her she wouldn’t have given up until he had faced justice, would have haunted Veronica and Logan until they found out who really killed her. But now, after a lifetime of never giving up, after all that, she was going to just give up.
“Lilly, I… I think that you should probably… well, use this as an opportunity to make a clean break with who you were and with Weevil. If you’re serious about it, than it should be a clean break.” Veronica suggested, straightening up and looking at her in a way that Lilly often imagined a real mom would look. Concerned and worried and loving and supportive. How sick was it that the only time she ever got that look was from her best friend? “I think that there will be just a bit too much baggage between the two of you for you ever to make a real go of it.”
“So you’re saying I should keep my mouth shut and move on?” Lilly swallowed again as the lump got bigger and the cannonball got heavier and seemed to move up into where her heart usually was. “Let go?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” Her voice was soft, but firm and Lilly couldn’t help but see the wisdom in Veronica’s advice.
“I have to admit that’s not what I was hoping you’d say. I mean, there was a lot of between the two of you and you didn’t just move on.” Lilly pointed out, trying not to sound as defensive as she suddenly felt. After all, what made them and what they had so much more special that her and Eli and what they could have?
“God Lilly, we haven’t had four years to stew, apart form each other.” Veronica explained, just a hint of frustration coming into her voice, probably responding to the hint of defensiveness that had been in Lilly’s. “We haven’t been out of each other’s face long enough for there to be anything like your situation.”
It was reasonable, she had to admit that. Logan and Veronica had been forced to deal with everything between them together, mostly, and in the moment. And then there was the fact that the bad things between them never included an affair with the other’s parent.
“And neither of us started off as a pawn in the game against our parents. We started seeing each other because we couldn’t help it. It was like a force of nature, not a dirty secret.” Logan added, the same look of concern that was on Veronica’s face was on his as well and Lilly suddenly felt like such a child. It’d been a feeling that had been coming on at random times over the last few days, watching her brother be a dad. Logan and Veronica being in love in what seemed like such an intense way. Taking care of each other.
“You kept it a secret though. You told me you did.” She felt petulant and even more childish, continuing to argue when she knew they were both right. But she couldn’t give up yet, couldn’t give up hope that they’d change their minds and tell her to go for it. She wouldn’t otherwise, she’d back off if that’s what they ultimately told her to do, because she was a child compared to them at this point. She’d gone through stuff, but no where near what they’d gone through, being in a coma and all. They were the adults here, the ones with actual adult experience. Actual experience at being in love.
“Yeah, but that was more because Duncan had run away and we wanted to tell him in person. We wanted it to come from us.” Veronica’s voice had gone all soft and sympathetic again, like she could read Lilly’s thoughts and understood that this was just a front. A show she had to put on so it didn’t seem like she’d given up too easily. So she could really feel like she’d made the right decision.
“And she was never a dirty secret. Just a secret, a temporary, but hot one. You’d never have told us about Weevil given the choice. If it was four years ago and my dad hadn’t taken all the choices away, you wouldn’t have told anyone about him.” Logan raised his eye brows, almost daring her to argue with him. And she couldn’t because she wouldn’t have told anyone anything about Eli if she hadn’t been in a coma and Veronica hadn’t gone digging around in order to find the real attempted-murderer. She hated it when Logan got insightful, and as much as she’d like to say that this was an annoying and new development she couldn’t. Logan had always been more insightful than she was. He’d operated on theory and feeling and instinct and the fact that he’d almost made a career out of studying people.
“No, I wouldn’t’ have, he wasn’t that important then, even though I loved him.” Lilly’s own voice was barely above a whisper, weak to her own ears. “I never stopped thinking of him as a pawn and I never let myself think of him as more.”
“It’s great that you’re thinking more of others now, more of what you feel, but it wouldn’t be fair to Wee… Eli. Not now.” Veronica told her, coming over to next to her on the bed and doing her best to put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
“I don’t think it’d be fair to you either. You’re making a fresh start, you’ll become someone new. you don’t know if that person will love Weevil or if you’ll be someone he wants to be with. Give yourself a chance to grow up some, to become who you want to be now before you decide who you’ll be with.” It was a good suggestion, but it rubbed a little that it was Logan that gave it. Why he couldn’t be a typical, insensitive, oblivious guy she’d never know, but it grated on the nerves a bit.
Lilly let out a deep breath, letting the annoyance go, remembering that she was going to be less of a bitch and more open. More honesty and less scheming. Being nicer to her friends, including Logan, was at the top of her new list of goals.
“That’s a good point. I didn’t’…” She faltered a little, hating that she wasn’t going to get what she wanted this time. Hating that she had to admit that she might not want what she wants because she might not really know what she’ll want. And that was just the kind of circular logic she’d been avoiding all this time while she’d been avoiding her feelings. “I didn’t think that the break with who I used to be might mean a break with what I want, a change in what I want.”
“Lilly, just figure yourself out. That’s the main thing, to learn about you and figure out what that means without anyone else weighing in. Without anyone else deciding who you are and what they need you to be.” Veronica rubbed consoling circles on her back as she spoke. Lilly leaned into the touch, wishing for a hug and an assurance that in the end she’d be okay, she’d turn out okay.
“That’s not going to be so easy when I’ll be living with the Kanes. Living my life according to the Ice Bitch’s rules.” Her voice was hard and bitter and Veronica’s consoling circles and concerned expression made it even more so. She wouldn’t be able to expect this kind of support from the one person in the world whose actual job it was to give it. Celeste Kane, society wife and full-time mother didn’t seem to have a maternal bone in her body when it came to her daughter.
“What are your other choices?” Veronica asked, getting off the bed again to zip up her full suitcase.
“Don’t really have any. Not really.” Lilly’s voice cracked dejectedly when she realized that she was twenty-one, almost twenty-two, and without any other alternatives to living with mommy. And daddy, she supposed, but it’s not like he was ever around. It was more than a full time job running a Fortune 500 company and billion dollar bank account.
“Well, here’s one. I’m moving out of the Grand. I’ve been looking buying a little house on the beach. Dick still wants to stay in the suite, at least until the house he wants opens up when the renter’s lease runs out in June. My place, the one I’ve been looking at, it’s got three bedrooms and I was going to try and talk Dick into renting a room. I don’t like him alone, so if you want to be roomies with Dick, it’s not such a bad thing.” Logan proposed, then continued when he saw the look of horror on both her and Veronica’s faces. “Especially with this whole Mac thing, she kept him in line pretty much all summer, so it might even be fun for you. At least until he buys his place and you can figure out where to go from there.”
“Like a lead up to an apartment of something?” Lilly asked uncertainly.
“Yeah, I mean, you’re parents were paying for the suite for DK before I moved in, and still, then they were paying his half. Until he ran off and left me with the entire bill. Dick pays for his half though, don’t worry.” Logan explained.
“Okay, what about until you moved out?” She was a little less nervous about the situation, a little more intrigued at the idea of living in a hotel. Room service everyday, a maid coming in to make her bed every day and refresh her towels. Of course that wasn’t all that different from living in the Kane household, they had staff that did all that stuff.
“You’ll stay with me. It’ll be like an extended slumber party.” Veronica offered, grinning at the idea. Lilly grinned back, the sudden thought of sleeping over at Veronica’s and doing makeovers and reading magazines and watching movies. Doing all the girlie stuff they used to do, and it would give her easier access to Veronica and the help she’d need for her continuing high school courses. They could study and Lilly could borrow Veronica’s notes from high school, if she still had them, and it would be like… like they were sisters.
“Yeah, I should close on the house on Tuesday or Wednesday. Move in next week and that’ll take a grand total of one trip because I don’t have any furniture to move. Veronica is going to decorate for me, so I should be in the house by the end of next week. It won’t be a long stay at Casa de Mars.” Logan explained, leaning forward in his seat and getting excited. She was sure he was more excited at the prospect of moving into his own house than he was of Lilly moving into the hotel suite, but she couldn’t blame him. He’d been there for two years at this point, she didn’t plan on being there that long.
“It’ll be fine. You won’t have to stay under Celeste’s roof for long.” Veronica assured her.
“They’re staying in the Neptune house for the next year, so they’ll be close to Duncan and all, I’m sure. After that, they’ll probably go back to their separate houses in Napa and Paris. They’ll most likely leave the house open for Duncan and the baby, otherwise I’d stay there. It’s probably a good thing I won’t be setting up in my old room. You know, they left it exactly the way I left it? How weird is that?” Lilly said, more to herself than to either of her friends.
“Pretty weird.” Veronica agreed, a funny note in her voice that made Lilly curious. She opened her mouth to ask before she remember. Veronica had been in her room while she was in the coma, dressed up like cater waiter in order to sneak up to her room and check the vent for clues of Logan’s innocence. When she’d found the tapes with Duncan and they’d watched them together. When her little brother and best friend had watched her have sex with her brother’s best friend’s dad. Her ex-boyfriend’s dad. Classy Lilly, she mocked herself internally.
“I guess, it’ll make it easier for you to help me with my new and rather intense school courses. The goal is to finish up two years of high school courses to start college next September.” Lilly shook off her thoughts, and started laying out her other future plans. “I’d always planned on Vassar, but I think I’ll go to Hearst. Closer to home and less stressful.”
“It’s not like it’s a party school, Lilly. It’s a major school, Baby Ivy. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Veronica told her, sounding a little offended that there would be no stress involved in going to Hearst.
“I know, but, it’ll be less stressful than being alone. I’ll be a few years behind, but I’ll still be doing it with you guys.” Lilly backtracked, not wanting to upset Veronica over something as ridiculous as college and whether or not it would be as stressful as her once dream school.
“Okay, while you guys get into the school stuff, I’m going to go pack up the car.” Logan said, standing up. He swept the suitcase off the bed and picked up the other one by the door. He slung Veronica’s laptop case and book bag over his shoulder and, with the strength in his pinky finger, clung to Veronica’s make up case.
“Go, my big strong pack horse.” Veronica encouraged, lifting the straps to her laptop case and book bag over his head so they wouldn’t slip off his shoulder. She gave him a quick, hard kiss on the lips and backed away.
Logan hitched the bags a bit higher, and tried to continue out the bedroom door. His width, aided by two suitcases with a laptop and books piled on top of them, was too much to make it through the door and he ended up having to turn sideways in order to get out. This caused them to giggle, but they really started laughing when they heard him bump into the wall outside the bedroom and a muffled “oof”.
Lilly stalked Veronica around the room as she checked for anything they may have missed in the packing process. Veronica took Logan’s wallet and very well loved and dog-eared novel from the drawer in the bedside table. They stripped the bed and left the sheets in a pile next to it, folding the blankets and duvet and piling them on the bed along with the pillows.
Lilly checked the bathroom for items, listening to Veronica open and shut all the drawers and replacing the empty hangers in the closet. Logan hadn’t left anything in the bathroom but a bunch of dirty towels slung haphazardly on the towel rack to be picked up, cleaned and put back by the cleaning crew that would come in on Wednesday. She flipped off the lights in the bathroom and rejoined Veronica in the bedroom, where her best friend was waiting patiently by the door. They turned the lights off to the bedroom and left, closing the door behind them.
“So this is a real break through for you. A big change.” Veronica started as the headed down the stairs.
“Well, not yet, not really. All it is at this point is talk. We’ll see about things once I get home and have to start facing things.” Lilly countered, following her best friend.
“Yeah, but you’ve already started. You’ve already made the decision. I’ve never known you to change your mind after coming to a decision.” Veronica insisted. It never ceased to amaze Lilly the amount of faith her best friend had in her.
“I don’t think I’m going to start dating again for a while either.” Lilly announced as they came to the bottom of the stairs. “I’ll make the goal six months. Six months for me to really make an effort on myself. I’ll focus on school and you guys and myself. I’ll graduate and get my diploma. I’ve got six months to study for the test and get my now glorified GED. Six months to be a real friend again before I start trying to be a girlfriend or whatever. To get to know you and Logan again, to get to know your new friends and maybe make some of my own. Six months to re-learn what it is to be me. Lilly Kane. Sister, friend, aunt. I think it’s a good goal.”
“Yeah, well those things might take longer than six months, though.” Veronica unhelpfully pointed out.
“Well, lets not get crazy, I’m taking a six month dating break, I’m not going to promise any more than that right now. We’ll reevaluate after that.” Lilly said, six months already sound like a long time to her.
“That’s a smart choice.” Veronica conceded.
“I’ll put a real effort into putting the past in the past and create a future for myself that I almost didn’t get. If Aaron would’ve hit me a little bit harder, it wouldn’t have been a coma. It would’ve been a death and I wouldn’t have this chance.” It was morbid, she knew that, focusing on the fact that she’d lucked out and very likely could’ve died if her parents had been too late getting home. Or if Aaron had hit harder. Or if she’d hit the pavement harder when she’d gone down. Or if her parents had decided, after so many years, to pull the plug. She knew it was morbid, but the thoughts were still there.
“Lilly, lets not even think about if he would have killed you. It was enough of a struggle with you in a coma.” Veronica’s voice was tense and Lilly understood why. She most likely had thought about all these things over the years and didn’t want to bring them up again.
“Okay, so six months from now, in April, we’ll take stock and see if I’ve completed my mission.” She changed the subject back as she followed Veronica out the front door.
“You already have made quite a change.” Veronica pointed out, pausing at the bottom of the porch steps to stare up at her, shielding her eyes with her right hand and squinting.
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked, confused. She hadn’t done anything but try and manipulate her friends since she came back into their lives. Manipulate her friends and their new friends, and on top of that she had been quite rude to both Piz and Parker out of some misguided loyalty to Veronica. It didn’t really make sense since Veronica had apparently forgiven Parker for dating Logan and didn’t seem to be, or ever have been, upset over her break up with Piz.
“This is a new kind of determination for Lilly Kane, the most determined girl in the world.” Veronica said, grinning up at her.
Lilly hopped down the stairs enthusiastically, grinning at her best friend. She looped her arm around Veronica’s waist when she reached her side and the two of them walked to the car. They found Logan shoving the last bag into the back of the car, staring into the back like he was considering if it was the right configuration of suitcases. He shook his head once and slammed the back of the car and turned to them, looking a little startled to find witnesses to his odd behavior.
“So, you want to pick the music?” Veronica asked, struggling not to laugh. “I’m loaning my iPod to Lilly for her drive home with Mac and Dick, so you’ll have to use yours.”
“Didn’t bring it. Looks like you’re stuck with my old cds.” Logan told her.
“No, I’ll be too busy driving. You’re playing DJ on this trip.”
It was the same argument that had gone on in front of the Grand a few days ago. Who was going to drive and who was going to play DJ. The same argument since Logan had gotten his Xterra but had yet to get his license and Veronica kept insisting that she would be a better driver, even though she didn’t have her license yet either. Some things just never change, Lilly thought to herself, grinning.
“My car. I’m driving” Logan insisted.
“C’mon, you drive like an old woman.” Veronica accused.
“I think my driving record speaks for itself. I don’t drive like an old woman, I just don’t drive like I’m talking somebody. Or like I’m involved in some sort of one car high speed chase.” Logan spat back, narrowing his eyes a little. “ All. The. Time.”
“You drive like my grandma, Logan.” Veronica challenged, causing Lilly to snort with laughter.
“I’ve met your grandma. In fact, I was in the car with her, and you and Lilly, when your dad - her son - pulled her over and gave her a speeding ticket.” Logan shot back, looking quite pleased with his comeback and Veronica dramatically rolled her eyes.
“You’re right…” Veronica admitted. Logan’s jaw dropped and his eyes got large for a moment before a grin started to form and he looked to be on the verge of a happy dance. But Veronica continued before he could say a word, or move a muscle. “You drive like my great grandma.”
“Get in the car, shorty.” Logan commanded, obviously finished with the argument. “You wouldn’t be able to reach the peddles anyway.”
Lilly stepped forward to Logan for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her squeezed and she did the same. Lilly squeezed back a little more than him, wrapping her arms as far around him as she could until she reached his butt. Slowly, carefully, she slid the car keys out of his back pocket, trying desperately not to let them jingle. Praying that he couldn’t feel the sliding motion, and that if he did he didn’t think she was groping him. Logan leaned back to look into her face at the same time that Lilly did, smiling.
“See you in a few days, Lilly.” He told her, giving her a grin before releasing her completely and taking a step or two back and allowing Veronica her turn at a hug.
Veronica takes a couple steps toward Lilly before she tosses the keys at her completely prepared for it best friend. She catches them easily in one hand, still walking towards Lilly for a hug.
“Very funny.” Logan comments, his tone making it obvious that he’s not amused, holding out his hand to Veronica for the keys. She just passes him and continues towards Lilly, throwing her arms around her when she finally reaches her.
Refusing to admit defeat Logan back steps while Veronica is distracted, before turning and opening the drivers side door. He slides in and shuts the door, sitting there and glaring straight ahead. He refuses to look at either of the girls, but waits in the silent car for Veronica.
“I’ll call you when we get back in town. We’ll go out for dinner, just you and me and Italian cuisine.” Veronica whispers as they stare at Logan glaring out the windshield. She shakes here head and separates herself from Lilly.
“It’s a plan, Stan.” Lilly agreed, continuing to watch as Veronica walks away and around to the other side of the black Range Rover. There’s a moment when she’s out of Lilly’s sight, but she’s there again at the front passenger window, and then in the car next to her boyfriend.
There’s a bit of an argument, Lilly can see that, as she Logan shakes his head repeatedly and she can lip read enough to see the word ‘no’. Veronica’s head tilts a little, then there’s a little twirl of her head before she leans forward to lay her head on his shoulder. It doesn’t seem to be working though, since he refuses to look at her and the only response Lilly can see is his head continuing to shake and mouth forming the words ‘no’ and ‘way’.
Finally there’s a flash when the sun catches the shine of the keys as Veronica passes them back over to Logan, and a moment later the car starts. It’s a second before the car lurches forward and they’re off, down the drive way. It’s only moments before the disappear into the trees and are gone, leaving Lilly alone, standing in the gravel of the front drive.
She stands there a moment longer, thinking about her decisions and the fact that she was going to have to avoid Eli. Avoid him like the plague if she had any hopes of getting over him, not like they’d gotten particularly close on this trip. All they’d done so far is fight and argue.
Sighing, Lilly turns and walks into the house. Might as well go up and pack.
33: Piz
Rating: PG-13 (because I’m pretty sure there’s some swearing or something… it’s Lilly)
Word Count: 6,616
Characters/Pairings: Lilly I, Veronica, Logan (mentions of: Duncan, Lilly II, Aaron, Weevil, OFC, Piz, Dick and Mac) Logan/Veronica
Spoilers: All episodes (from 1.01: Pilot to 3.20: The Bitch Is Back. Just to be sure) Although this is obviously AU and there are obviously going to be some alterations to events and especially some in the last couple of episodes.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally, nothing. So don’t sue me over this, because you won’t get anything. It all belongs to Rob Thomas and if I had owned it when it was still on the last season would have been way different.
Chapter 1: Awake/ Chapter 2: Homecoming/ Chapter 3: Forgive/ Chapter 4: Arrival/ Chapter 5: Reconnect/ Chapter 6: Belong/ Chapter 7: Bets/ Chapter 8: Fight/ Chapter 9: Battle/ Chapter 10: Retreat/ Chapter 11: Push/ Chapter 12: Sound/ Chapter 13: Potential/ Chapter 14: More/ Chapter 15: Storytime/ Chapter 16: Understanding/ Chapter 17: Piggyback/ Chapter 18: Sinners/ Chapter 19: Drama/ Chapter 20: Dinner/ Chapter 21: Armor/ Chapter 22:Mingle/ 23:Bubbly/ 24:Awkward/ 25:Closing/ 26: Drunks/ 27: Logan/ 28: Wallace/ 29: Mac/ 30: Parker/ 31: Duncan
The Return
32
Lilly
~The Break~
“Nice chat?” Lilly asked from the chair by the windows as Veronica entered the bedroom.
“Actually, yeah, it was.” Veronica informed her, moving towards her bed to adjust the two open suitcases on the bed.
“I didn’t hear any yelling and screaming, so it seems that you’ve made up.” She pointed out, standing up and moving away from her chair.
“I guess we made a start at it at least. This time we’ll be friends without any illusions our previous pedestals gave us.” Veronica stood there, staring at the open suitcases for a moment, hands fisted on her hips. Her best friend never changed, standing there, making a plan of attack on the whole packing thing.
Lilly walked around to the side of the bed and sat, staring at Veronica stare at the suitcases, lost in thought. After a moment she laid down and waited as Veronica gave up on her packing plan and came around to lay next to her. “Well, good for you guys then. I guess.”
“Yeah. Where’s Logan?” Veronica turned onto her side to face Lilly, after a moment or two she mirrored the move.
“He went downstairs to pack snacks.” Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper before continuing on, trying not to let the disappointment show in her voice. “So you’re really leaving early?”
“Yep. To be honest, this reunion has been a little weird.” Veronica’s voice lowered as well, her lashes fluttering a little as she looked down and avoided Lilly’s gaze.
“I know what you mean, who would’ve thought that the Donut would be here. That was a twist.” Lilly laughed, letting her best friend know that she didn’t take offense to the comment. The whole reunion thing had been weird, and unexpected.
“You know, it could’ve only happened this way, all of crammed together under on roof and forced to work things out. Still, I think I would’ve preferred if it had just been the four of us.” Veronica shifted a little closer to Lilly, pulling a pillow down under her head. “I think it might’ve been a little better if all the drama hadn’t played out with quite as large an audience.”
“And you and Logan’s bedroom performances had been a little more private too?” Lilly asked, giggling at the sudden indignation on Veronica’s face.
“I hate you so much right now.” Veronica said with a serious face, but after a moment the façade broke and she joined in on the giggles.
“Dear Penthouse, I thought it would be a long and lonely vacation, alas…” Logan’s voice sounded from the doorway.
“Shut up, you big jerk.” It was Lilly’s turn to fake anger, scowling at him as she got of the bed and Veronica twisted around to look at him.
“I thought you’d be done, or nearly done, packing by now.” Logan commented as he walked to the bed to kiss his girlfriend, sparing only the tiniest glance at the empty suitcases.
“I had a talk with Duncan and then the queen of let-someone-else-do-it showed up.” Veronica explained, sliding off the bed and returning to her stance in front of the suitcases.
“Me? Queen? Why thank you. I shall do my best to uphold the standards of which my noble position demands of me.” Lilly joked, holding a mocking hand over her heart as she feigned a the accent more typical of a southern belle.
“The two of you are certainly in a good mood.” Logan commented, smirking at Lilly as wrapped his arms around Veronica’s waist.
“Take a knee Logan, I wish to knight thee.” Lilly demanded, still feigning her accent.
“What if I don’t want to be knighted?” Logan asked, his smirk becoming an actual smile as Lilly looked around for something to use to knight him with.
“You don’t… Gasp.” Lilly acted affronted as she spotted an umbrella propped against the wall by the dresser. “Oh the scandal!” She moved her hand from her chest to press the back of it down against her forehead. She moaned a little and then faked a faint and fell back onto the bed. The moved shook the bed and the suitcase Veronica had begun loading clothes into bounced as the other one rocked and slipped off the bed completely.
“You know, sometimes you can be a real dork.” Logan told her, rolling his eyes and moving away from Veronica to the other side of the bed and flopping down next to her. Their heads lay side by side, their legs hanging off opposite sides of the bed.
“You guys just lay there and relax. I’ll pack.” Veronica was chuckling as she readjusted the suitcases again and made room for both of them at the end of the bed, flipping them open and continuing to pack Logan’s boxers into one.
Logan sat up suddenly, nearly catching Lilly with his elbow. “What do you need me to do, babe?”
“Nothing.” Veronica said simply, moving onto his socks.
“C’mon, I’ll help.” Logan insisted.
“I’ve seen the way you pack, so just go get all our stuff and bring it over here.” Veronica instructed as she turned to pack the other suitcase with her under things.
Logan immediately stood and went to the closet, gathering their clothes in one big sweep of his arms. Lilly and Veronica watched as he wrapped his arms around the mass of clothing and lifted the hangers off the closet rod. He brought them over to the bed, the girls following his movement, and attempted to shove them all into the empty suitcases.
“Stop, they’re still on their hangers.” Veronica protested, looking shocked.
“It’s okay, next time we come up we’ll bring them back. Or get new ones.” Logan explained, still trying to get it all into the suitcase.
“Stop, okay? I’ll do the rest, just…” Veronica looked around the room for a moment before pointing at the chair Lilly had been sitting in earlier. “…go sit.”
Logan scowled at the command, glanced back at the suitcase and pile of clothes and then to Veronica again.
“Sit.” She commanded a second time. With his scowl still firmly in place, Logan trudged to the seating area and pointedly chose the chair she had not been pointing to, causing both girls to roll their eyes.
“Good boy.” Lilly giggled, earning a sneer from Logan. She continued to laugh while she readjusted herself of the bed so she was lying on her stomach and facing Logan but still could easily see Veronica as she was packing. What am I supposed to do with all these people without you two?”
“Well, you still have Dunc and you know Dick. And you know everyone else now, so don’t act like we’re leaving you with strangers.” Veronica told her as she began pulling Logan’s clothes from the pile and began folding and packing them into his suitcase, not glancing up while she spoke.
“I’m not so sure about that Piz kid, though.” She whined.
“He’s basically harmless, and you’d know that if you actually gave him the time of day.” Logan told her, his scowl now replaced with a look that she could almost describe as worry.
“I love that he thinks he’s harmless.” She heard Veronica mutter. Logan didn’t seem to hear her and Lilly decided not to comment on it. Veronica had told her all about how Logan had beaten Piz into the hospital the year before after a pseudo sex tape had been released on the internet.
“I guess I could be a bit nicer, but to be honest, he’s kind of fun to be mean to.” Lilly explained.
“Oh. Lilly, don’t be mean to him. It’s too easy, and quite honestly he’s a little too sensitive to it. It’s like kicking a puppy.” Veronica scolded.
“He is a little like a puppy, has the eyes for it and everything.” Lilly commented, pouting a little. She hated it when she was told to be nice, it made her feel like such a bully, which she was. But she didn’t actually like feeling like one.
“Yeah, so be nice to him, after all, he’s not really like us. He doesn’t understand or cope with things the way we do. So be nice, okay? He’s kind of simple in that didn’t-grow-up-in-Neptune sort of way.” So it turns out that Veronica was still a pro at giving lectures.
“Maybe that should be my new way of doing things. Be nice. Because my way of being-” Lilly started.
“A bitch?” Logan supplied, interrupting her.
“Don’t be so blunt Logan. I prefer sassy.” Lilly informed him.
“Well, I prefer honest and honestly you’re a bitch. Or were. Or will be. Whichever you prefer, sassy pants.”
“Okay. Being a bitch hasn’t helped me any, so I’ll take it down a notch.” Lilly finished her earlier statement.
“Not too much, just with out friends.” Veronica interjected. “I’d hate for you to become the ‘sweet’ one.”
“And you the bitch?” Lilly asked, turning to focus on Veronica. She’d gotten the impression that Veronica wasn’t necessarily known as the ‘sweet’ one these days either.
“Don’t worry Lil, I’m going to be the bitch no matter what. I’ve spent the last four years earning the title.” Veronica laughed, closing the lid on Logan’s suitcase and zipping it shut. “You don’t get it just because you had it first.”
Veronica pulled his full suitcase off the bed and wheeled it to stand next to the bedroom door. Logan stood and went into the bathroom.
“Maybe… maybe I need to make a break.” Lilly said distractedly as she watched the bathroom door. Logan hadn’t closed it, and now she could hear the clinking and shuffling of objects.
“What?” Veronica asked, looking up from her partially packed suitcase with a confused look. Logan wore a similar look as he poked his head out of the bathroom, a toiletries kit in his left hand and a bottle of cologne and aftershave in his left.
“A total break. With who I was, because no good came out of her. Think where we’d be if I’d thought about more than myself or the moment. We’d be a lot better off, that’s where. If I’d thought about how it’d affect anyone else I might’ve realized what a bad idea it was.” Lilly took a deep breath. It turned out listing your failings, your faults, wasn’t much fun. Or easy. “But I didn’t put any thought into it at the time. Then I lied about it and thought it was the greatest secret, thought it made me so cool. I lied and I was stupid. So maybe I need to make a break with who I was.”
“Okay, so what is you’re first order of business? What’s the first break?” Veronica asked, her eyebrows furrowing together in more than just a little concern.
“I couldn’t admit it before, thought it was all part of the game, but… I’m in love with Eli. I didn’t want to be, not then because, well, it was a game and he was just supposed to be a pawn. A move against my mother and her abhorrence of all things poor and Mexican. It was akin to banging the pool boy. A shame I was bringing on my mother’s perfect country club reputation.” She squirmed a little on the bed, uncomfortable with the confession. She didn’t particularly enjoy admitting to this, but if there was anyone that would understand about complicated it was these two. “I wasn’t supposed to actually care, so I treated him like a pawn and a dirty little secret. But I loved him, and even though it’s been years, still do because I never had time to get over it. He might be, but I find that I’m not.”
“Well, at least you’re admitting it now.” Logan commented, finally coming out of the bathroom, dropping his shaving kit on top of Veronica’s clothes, causing her to sigh in annoyance.
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked, panic blooming in her chest that she hadn’t hidden it as well as she had thought.
“Well, all last night you bitch about Weevs and then you’re absolute and unnecessary hatred of that Jessie chick, at least you’re admitting it.” Logan explained, going over to sit in his chair again before muttering, “Not like Jessie wasn’t annoying though.”
“Well, I didn’t realize I was in love with him, okay? Not until on the way home last night. He didn’t come home and I had what felt like a cannonball in my stomach at the thought of him and her…” She trailed off, the renewed cannonball-stomach feeling making her incapable of holding back the instinctive grimace.
“I’m sorry Lilly, he’s had four years to get over you, but he’s had three years of stewing over the way things really were back then to build up a lot of issues over it. Over the fact that you were seeing Logan, and him and Logan’s…” Veronica cut herself off, unable to add the word dad at the end of the statement. Lilly understood, when she looked back on it she was surprised she wasn’t more creeped out back then. Like she kind of was right now. She swallowed the building lump in her throat, shocked in retrospection that she’d thought that was any kind of okay. Sleeping with my boyfriend’s dad? Ex-boyfriend, but still…
“So I guess that’s the question then. The big break. Do I try? Do I tell him how I feel and ask him to forgive me and see if we can’t make a go of it? I mean, should I try and get him back? Fight for him?” She asked, looking at her two best and oldest friends.
“Or… or should I pack it in? admit defeat and leave him alone? Get over him and myself and start over?” The very thought of it, admitting defeat in anything, made her stomach turn and her heart beat faster. It was giving up, and she’d never done that before. She hadn’t given up when she and Logan broke up, tormenting and tempting him to come back every time. She hadn’t given up when Aaron had followed her home and tried to intimidate her into giving him back the tapes. No, instead she had taunted him into picking up an ashtray and slamming it into her head in an attempt to kill her and silence her on the subject forever. She hadn’t given up in the hospital, when she’d been in a coma for years with no hope of waking. She’s pretty sure if Aaron had succeeded in killing her she wouldn’t have given up until he had faced justice, would have haunted Veronica and Logan until they found out who really killed her. But now, after a lifetime of never giving up, after all that, she was going to just give up.
“Lilly, I… I think that you should probably… well, use this as an opportunity to make a clean break with who you were and with Weevil. If you’re serious about it, than it should be a clean break.” Veronica suggested, straightening up and looking at her in a way that Lilly often imagined a real mom would look. Concerned and worried and loving and supportive. How sick was it that the only time she ever got that look was from her best friend? “I think that there will be just a bit too much baggage between the two of you for you ever to make a real go of it.”
“So you’re saying I should keep my mouth shut and move on?” Lilly swallowed again as the lump got bigger and the cannonball got heavier and seemed to move up into where her heart usually was. “Let go?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” Her voice was soft, but firm and Lilly couldn’t help but see the wisdom in Veronica’s advice.
“I have to admit that’s not what I was hoping you’d say. I mean, there was a lot of between the two of you and you didn’t just move on.” Lilly pointed out, trying not to sound as defensive as she suddenly felt. After all, what made them and what they had so much more special that her and Eli and what they could have?
“God Lilly, we haven’t had four years to stew, apart form each other.” Veronica explained, just a hint of frustration coming into her voice, probably responding to the hint of defensiveness that had been in Lilly’s. “We haven’t been out of each other’s face long enough for there to be anything like your situation.”
It was reasonable, she had to admit that. Logan and Veronica had been forced to deal with everything between them together, mostly, and in the moment. And then there was the fact that the bad things between them never included an affair with the other’s parent.
“And neither of us started off as a pawn in the game against our parents. We started seeing each other because we couldn’t help it. It was like a force of nature, not a dirty secret.” Logan added, the same look of concern that was on Veronica’s face was on his as well and Lilly suddenly felt like such a child. It’d been a feeling that had been coming on at random times over the last few days, watching her brother be a dad. Logan and Veronica being in love in what seemed like such an intense way. Taking care of each other.
“You kept it a secret though. You told me you did.” She felt petulant and even more childish, continuing to argue when she knew they were both right. But she couldn’t give up yet, couldn’t give up hope that they’d change their minds and tell her to go for it. She wouldn’t otherwise, she’d back off if that’s what they ultimately told her to do, because she was a child compared to them at this point. She’d gone through stuff, but no where near what they’d gone through, being in a coma and all. They were the adults here, the ones with actual adult experience. Actual experience at being in love.
“Yeah, but that was more because Duncan had run away and we wanted to tell him in person. We wanted it to come from us.” Veronica’s voice had gone all soft and sympathetic again, like she could read Lilly’s thoughts and understood that this was just a front. A show she had to put on so it didn’t seem like she’d given up too easily. So she could really feel like she’d made the right decision.
“And she was never a dirty secret. Just a secret, a temporary, but hot one. You’d never have told us about Weevil given the choice. If it was four years ago and my dad hadn’t taken all the choices away, you wouldn’t have told anyone about him.” Logan raised his eye brows, almost daring her to argue with him. And she couldn’t because she wouldn’t have told anyone anything about Eli if she hadn’t been in a coma and Veronica hadn’t gone digging around in order to find the real attempted-murderer. She hated it when Logan got insightful, and as much as she’d like to say that this was an annoying and new development she couldn’t. Logan had always been more insightful than she was. He’d operated on theory and feeling and instinct and the fact that he’d almost made a career out of studying people.
“No, I wouldn’t’ have, he wasn’t that important then, even though I loved him.” Lilly’s own voice was barely above a whisper, weak to her own ears. “I never stopped thinking of him as a pawn and I never let myself think of him as more.”
“It’s great that you’re thinking more of others now, more of what you feel, but it wouldn’t be fair to Wee… Eli. Not now.” Veronica told her, coming over to next to her on the bed and doing her best to put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
“I don’t think it’d be fair to you either. You’re making a fresh start, you’ll become someone new. you don’t know if that person will love Weevil or if you’ll be someone he wants to be with. Give yourself a chance to grow up some, to become who you want to be now before you decide who you’ll be with.” It was a good suggestion, but it rubbed a little that it was Logan that gave it. Why he couldn’t be a typical, insensitive, oblivious guy she’d never know, but it grated on the nerves a bit.
Lilly let out a deep breath, letting the annoyance go, remembering that she was going to be less of a bitch and more open. More honesty and less scheming. Being nicer to her friends, including Logan, was at the top of her new list of goals.
“That’s a good point. I didn’t’…” She faltered a little, hating that she wasn’t going to get what she wanted this time. Hating that she had to admit that she might not want what she wants because she might not really know what she’ll want. And that was just the kind of circular logic she’d been avoiding all this time while she’d been avoiding her feelings. “I didn’t think that the break with who I used to be might mean a break with what I want, a change in what I want.”
“Lilly, just figure yourself out. That’s the main thing, to learn about you and figure out what that means without anyone else weighing in. Without anyone else deciding who you are and what they need you to be.” Veronica rubbed consoling circles on her back as she spoke. Lilly leaned into the touch, wishing for a hug and an assurance that in the end she’d be okay, she’d turn out okay.
“That’s not going to be so easy when I’ll be living with the Kanes. Living my life according to the Ice Bitch’s rules.” Her voice was hard and bitter and Veronica’s consoling circles and concerned expression made it even more so. She wouldn’t be able to expect this kind of support from the one person in the world whose actual job it was to give it. Celeste Kane, society wife and full-time mother didn’t seem to have a maternal bone in her body when it came to her daughter.
“What are your other choices?” Veronica asked, getting off the bed again to zip up her full suitcase.
“Don’t really have any. Not really.” Lilly’s voice cracked dejectedly when she realized that she was twenty-one, almost twenty-two, and without any other alternatives to living with mommy. And daddy, she supposed, but it’s not like he was ever around. It was more than a full time job running a Fortune 500 company and billion dollar bank account.
“Well, here’s one. I’m moving out of the Grand. I’ve been looking buying a little house on the beach. Dick still wants to stay in the suite, at least until the house he wants opens up when the renter’s lease runs out in June. My place, the one I’ve been looking at, it’s got three bedrooms and I was going to try and talk Dick into renting a room. I don’t like him alone, so if you want to be roomies with Dick, it’s not such a bad thing.” Logan proposed, then continued when he saw the look of horror on both her and Veronica’s faces. “Especially with this whole Mac thing, she kept him in line pretty much all summer, so it might even be fun for you. At least until he buys his place and you can figure out where to go from there.”
“Like a lead up to an apartment of something?” Lilly asked uncertainly.
“Yeah, I mean, you’re parents were paying for the suite for DK before I moved in, and still, then they were paying his half. Until he ran off and left me with the entire bill. Dick pays for his half though, don’t worry.” Logan explained.
“Okay, what about until you moved out?” She was a little less nervous about the situation, a little more intrigued at the idea of living in a hotel. Room service everyday, a maid coming in to make her bed every day and refresh her towels. Of course that wasn’t all that different from living in the Kane household, they had staff that did all that stuff.
“You’ll stay with me. It’ll be like an extended slumber party.” Veronica offered, grinning at the idea. Lilly grinned back, the sudden thought of sleeping over at Veronica’s and doing makeovers and reading magazines and watching movies. Doing all the girlie stuff they used to do, and it would give her easier access to Veronica and the help she’d need for her continuing high school courses. They could study and Lilly could borrow Veronica’s notes from high school, if she still had them, and it would be like… like they were sisters.
“Yeah, I should close on the house on Tuesday or Wednesday. Move in next week and that’ll take a grand total of one trip because I don’t have any furniture to move. Veronica is going to decorate for me, so I should be in the house by the end of next week. It won’t be a long stay at Casa de Mars.” Logan explained, leaning forward in his seat and getting excited. She was sure he was more excited at the prospect of moving into his own house than he was of Lilly moving into the hotel suite, but she couldn’t blame him. He’d been there for two years at this point, she didn’t plan on being there that long.
“It’ll be fine. You won’t have to stay under Celeste’s roof for long.” Veronica assured her.
“They’re staying in the Neptune house for the next year, so they’ll be close to Duncan and all, I’m sure. After that, they’ll probably go back to their separate houses in Napa and Paris. They’ll most likely leave the house open for Duncan and the baby, otherwise I’d stay there. It’s probably a good thing I won’t be setting up in my old room. You know, they left it exactly the way I left it? How weird is that?” Lilly said, more to herself than to either of her friends.
“Pretty weird.” Veronica agreed, a funny note in her voice that made Lilly curious. She opened her mouth to ask before she remember. Veronica had been in her room while she was in the coma, dressed up like cater waiter in order to sneak up to her room and check the vent for clues of Logan’s innocence. When she’d found the tapes with Duncan and they’d watched them together. When her little brother and best friend had watched her have sex with her brother’s best friend’s dad. Her ex-boyfriend’s dad. Classy Lilly, she mocked herself internally.
“I guess, it’ll make it easier for you to help me with my new and rather intense school courses. The goal is to finish up two years of high school courses to start college next September.” Lilly shook off her thoughts, and started laying out her other future plans. “I’d always planned on Vassar, but I think I’ll go to Hearst. Closer to home and less stressful.”
“It’s not like it’s a party school, Lilly. It’s a major school, Baby Ivy. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Veronica told her, sounding a little offended that there would be no stress involved in going to Hearst.
“I know, but, it’ll be less stressful than being alone. I’ll be a few years behind, but I’ll still be doing it with you guys.” Lilly backtracked, not wanting to upset Veronica over something as ridiculous as college and whether or not it would be as stressful as her once dream school.
“Okay, while you guys get into the school stuff, I’m going to go pack up the car.” Logan said, standing up. He swept the suitcase off the bed and picked up the other one by the door. He slung Veronica’s laptop case and book bag over his shoulder and, with the strength in his pinky finger, clung to Veronica’s make up case.
“Go, my big strong pack horse.” Veronica encouraged, lifting the straps to her laptop case and book bag over his head so they wouldn’t slip off his shoulder. She gave him a quick, hard kiss on the lips and backed away.
Logan hitched the bags a bit higher, and tried to continue out the bedroom door. His width, aided by two suitcases with a laptop and books piled on top of them, was too much to make it through the door and he ended up having to turn sideways in order to get out. This caused them to giggle, but they really started laughing when they heard him bump into the wall outside the bedroom and a muffled “oof”.
Lilly stalked Veronica around the room as she checked for anything they may have missed in the packing process. Veronica took Logan’s wallet and very well loved and dog-eared novel from the drawer in the bedside table. They stripped the bed and left the sheets in a pile next to it, folding the blankets and duvet and piling them on the bed along with the pillows.
Lilly checked the bathroom for items, listening to Veronica open and shut all the drawers and replacing the empty hangers in the closet. Logan hadn’t left anything in the bathroom but a bunch of dirty towels slung haphazardly on the towel rack to be picked up, cleaned and put back by the cleaning crew that would come in on Wednesday. She flipped off the lights in the bathroom and rejoined Veronica in the bedroom, where her best friend was waiting patiently by the door. They turned the lights off to the bedroom and left, closing the door behind them.
“So this is a real break through for you. A big change.” Veronica started as the headed down the stairs.
“Well, not yet, not really. All it is at this point is talk. We’ll see about things once I get home and have to start facing things.” Lilly countered, following her best friend.
“Yeah, but you’ve already started. You’ve already made the decision. I’ve never known you to change your mind after coming to a decision.” Veronica insisted. It never ceased to amaze Lilly the amount of faith her best friend had in her.
“I don’t think I’m going to start dating again for a while either.” Lilly announced as they came to the bottom of the stairs. “I’ll make the goal six months. Six months for me to really make an effort on myself. I’ll focus on school and you guys and myself. I’ll graduate and get my diploma. I’ve got six months to study for the test and get my now glorified GED. Six months to be a real friend again before I start trying to be a girlfriend or whatever. To get to know you and Logan again, to get to know your new friends and maybe make some of my own. Six months to re-learn what it is to be me. Lilly Kane. Sister, friend, aunt. I think it’s a good goal.”
“Yeah, well those things might take longer than six months, though.” Veronica unhelpfully pointed out.
“Well, lets not get crazy, I’m taking a six month dating break, I’m not going to promise any more than that right now. We’ll reevaluate after that.” Lilly said, six months already sound like a long time to her.
“That’s a smart choice.” Veronica conceded.
“I’ll put a real effort into putting the past in the past and create a future for myself that I almost didn’t get. If Aaron would’ve hit me a little bit harder, it wouldn’t have been a coma. It would’ve been a death and I wouldn’t have this chance.” It was morbid, she knew that, focusing on the fact that she’d lucked out and very likely could’ve died if her parents had been too late getting home. Or if Aaron had hit harder. Or if she’d hit the pavement harder when she’d gone down. Or if her parents had decided, after so many years, to pull the plug. She knew it was morbid, but the thoughts were still there.
“Lilly, lets not even think about if he would have killed you. It was enough of a struggle with you in a coma.” Veronica’s voice was tense and Lilly understood why. She most likely had thought about all these things over the years and didn’t want to bring them up again.
“Okay, so six months from now, in April, we’ll take stock and see if I’ve completed my mission.” She changed the subject back as she followed Veronica out the front door.
“You already have made quite a change.” Veronica pointed out, pausing at the bottom of the porch steps to stare up at her, shielding her eyes with her right hand and squinting.
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked, confused. She hadn’t done anything but try and manipulate her friends since she came back into their lives. Manipulate her friends and their new friends, and on top of that she had been quite rude to both Piz and Parker out of some misguided loyalty to Veronica. It didn’t really make sense since Veronica had apparently forgiven Parker for dating Logan and didn’t seem to be, or ever have been, upset over her break up with Piz.
“This is a new kind of determination for Lilly Kane, the most determined girl in the world.” Veronica said, grinning up at her.
Lilly hopped down the stairs enthusiastically, grinning at her best friend. She looped her arm around Veronica’s waist when she reached her side and the two of them walked to the car. They found Logan shoving the last bag into the back of the car, staring into the back like he was considering if it was the right configuration of suitcases. He shook his head once and slammed the back of the car and turned to them, looking a little startled to find witnesses to his odd behavior.
“So, you want to pick the music?” Veronica asked, struggling not to laugh. “I’m loaning my iPod to Lilly for her drive home with Mac and Dick, so you’ll have to use yours.”
“Didn’t bring it. Looks like you’re stuck with my old cds.” Logan told her.
“No, I’ll be too busy driving. You’re playing DJ on this trip.”
It was the same argument that had gone on in front of the Grand a few days ago. Who was going to drive and who was going to play DJ. The same argument since Logan had gotten his Xterra but had yet to get his license and Veronica kept insisting that she would be a better driver, even though she didn’t have her license yet either. Some things just never change, Lilly thought to herself, grinning.
“My car. I’m driving” Logan insisted.
“C’mon, you drive like an old woman.” Veronica accused.
“I think my driving record speaks for itself. I don’t drive like an old woman, I just don’t drive like I’m talking somebody. Or like I’m involved in some sort of one car high speed chase.” Logan spat back, narrowing his eyes a little. “ All. The. Time.”
“You drive like my grandma, Logan.” Veronica challenged, causing Lilly to snort with laughter.
“I’ve met your grandma. In fact, I was in the car with her, and you and Lilly, when your dad - her son - pulled her over and gave her a speeding ticket.” Logan shot back, looking quite pleased with his comeback and Veronica dramatically rolled her eyes.
“You’re right…” Veronica admitted. Logan’s jaw dropped and his eyes got large for a moment before a grin started to form and he looked to be on the verge of a happy dance. But Veronica continued before he could say a word, or move a muscle. “You drive like my great grandma.”
“Get in the car, shorty.” Logan commanded, obviously finished with the argument. “You wouldn’t be able to reach the peddles anyway.”
Lilly stepped forward to Logan for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her squeezed and she did the same. Lilly squeezed back a little more than him, wrapping her arms as far around him as she could until she reached his butt. Slowly, carefully, she slid the car keys out of his back pocket, trying desperately not to let them jingle. Praying that he couldn’t feel the sliding motion, and that if he did he didn’t think she was groping him. Logan leaned back to look into her face at the same time that Lilly did, smiling.
“See you in a few days, Lilly.” He told her, giving her a grin before releasing her completely and taking a step or two back and allowing Veronica her turn at a hug.
Veronica takes a couple steps toward Lilly before she tosses the keys at her completely prepared for it best friend. She catches them easily in one hand, still walking towards Lilly for a hug.
“Very funny.” Logan comments, his tone making it obvious that he’s not amused, holding out his hand to Veronica for the keys. She just passes him and continues towards Lilly, throwing her arms around her when she finally reaches her.
Refusing to admit defeat Logan back steps while Veronica is distracted, before turning and opening the drivers side door. He slides in and shuts the door, sitting there and glaring straight ahead. He refuses to look at either of the girls, but waits in the silent car for Veronica.
“I’ll call you when we get back in town. We’ll go out for dinner, just you and me and Italian cuisine.” Veronica whispers as they stare at Logan glaring out the windshield. She shakes here head and separates herself from Lilly.
“It’s a plan, Stan.” Lilly agreed, continuing to watch as Veronica walks away and around to the other side of the black Range Rover. There’s a moment when she’s out of Lilly’s sight, but she’s there again at the front passenger window, and then in the car next to her boyfriend.
There’s a bit of an argument, Lilly can see that, as she Logan shakes his head repeatedly and she can lip read enough to see the word ‘no’. Veronica’s head tilts a little, then there’s a little twirl of her head before she leans forward to lay her head on his shoulder. It doesn’t seem to be working though, since he refuses to look at her and the only response Lilly can see is his head continuing to shake and mouth forming the words ‘no’ and ‘way’.
Finally there’s a flash when the sun catches the shine of the keys as Veronica passes them back over to Logan, and a moment later the car starts. It’s a second before the car lurches forward and they’re off, down the drive way. It’s only moments before the disappear into the trees and are gone, leaving Lilly alone, standing in the gravel of the front drive.
She stands there a moment longer, thinking about her decisions and the fact that she was going to have to avoid Eli. Avoid him like the plague if she had any hopes of getting over him, not like they’d gotten particularly close on this trip. All they’d done so far is fight and argue.
Sighing, Lilly turns and walks into the house. Might as well go up and pack.
33: Piz