No Show Fee: 24. Baggage Carousel [JaeMin, JaeHae, YeHae; DBSJ]
No Show Fee : 24. Baggage Carousel
yumeyana
dong bang shin ki / super junior | Jaejoong x Changmin, Jaejoong x Donghae, Yesung x Donghae
PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? Love always complicates things. It reminds us of old heartaches, of feelings we never thought we had. And even though Jaejoong and the gang try to ignore everything while they work, they soon find out that love is something they can't leave behind.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author's Notes: I know it's been more than a year since I last updated and I ask for your patience. I'm trying to write as fast as I can but my muses aren't always present. Hopefully, I'll get to write the next chapter soon. And finish it soon, too. ♥
Disclaimers: None of the SM Entertainment artists mentioned below belong to me. Only the plot is mine.
No Show Fee: Baggage Carousel
Leeteuk was against it and he was sure Heechul felt the same way. But as usual, the director had no choice; this was another special request. Whose, he didn't even want to know. After all, knowing whose request it was wouldn't really solve any of the upcoming problems they would face.
"I think I'll change careers after this project," Heechul told him over their fifth bottle of soju. He raised an eyebrow. "Again?" There was a grunt. "Fine," he said, gulping down his share of the soju. "Not a complete career change. Maybe something that can go with the one I have now."
"Like what?"
"Writer. Scriptwriter. Playwright. Whatever you call it."
Leeteuk had to laugh. It was Heechul's way of saying how much he hated not being able to have the last say in his project. Something that went along the lines of I'm the fucking the director so why are you screwing with my drama or something close to that. Sometimes, he was still amazed at how much Heechul has changed. Years could do a lot to a person, he thought.
"Control-freak."
"And proud, Park. And proud."
A week before Christmas, Heechul called for a general assembly of sorts. Changmin thought nothing of it when it was announced but when Heechul told them that attendance was a must and excuses wouldn't be accepted, his interest was piqued. What could be so important, anyway?
"I hope everyone's here," Heechul said the moment he arrived. Changmin's eyes roamed around the room, noting that even Leeteuk, who wasn't even part of the cast, was there. Leeteuk must've sensed someone staring at him for a moment later, he glanced at Changmin and gave him a small smile.
"There have been a few changes," Heechul told everyone and there was a collective groan. Another change meant that there were schedule adjustments and stuff that made everyone work longer hours just because someone above all of them decided to make them his chess pieces.
"Yes, we all hate this particular writer and will never, ever produce any of the said writer's works ever again," he said with a particular evil smirk. There were different reactions to his statement: some laughed, some grinned; some just shrugged. "So anyway. For the next three episodes, we will have a guest. He's a veteran actor so we really won't have to worry so much." Heechul paused and Changmin wasn't sure if this was for a dramatic effect or if he wanted to give everyone the opportunity to process it. Changmin was guessing it was a little of both.
"Kibum, please come in and introduce yourself."
Changmin stiffened. It could be any of the Kibums he had met along the way (Key from SHINee, Kibum from U-Kiss, and another Kibum from somewhere) and for it to be the best friend he wasn't ready to face was too much of a coincidence-Shut up, CLAMP.
"안녕하세요, 김 기범 입니다。 반갑숨니다。"
(Hello, I'm Kim Kibum. It's nice to meet you.)
Jaejoong had this urge to snicker or chuckle-whichever sound would come out first-at the expression on Changmin's face. The younger one was sitting where he could watch him from the corner of his eyes and for once, Jaejoong was happy that his eyes flickered towards Changmin just in time. Dong Bang Shin Ki's magnae was rarely shaken or emotional about anything but the sound of Kibum's name and his voice clearly sent shivers down his spine.
Curious, Jaejoong thought, weren't they the best of friends?
"Kibum will be here for our Christmas special. He'll be Daehyun's best friend in that episode where-" Jaejoong watched in amusement as Changmin's eyes suddenly grew wide. "Wait, what?" he choked. "He'll be my what?" Jaejoong tried biting his lower lip to prevent himself from laughing out loud. Heechul blinked, confused at Changmin's tone. "Your best friend. I didn't think it would be much of a problem, Changmin, since the two of you really are best friends and all. Unless-"
Changmin waved his arms wildly, shaking his head while he did so. It was too funny, Jaejoong thought as he muffled his laughter by hiding behind Donghae. His boyfriend seemed to realize what was happening for he, too, was shaking in attempts to keep a straight face.
"Nonono," Changmin said, trying to regain his composure. "We are best friends. I was just surprised, that's all." He turned to Kibum, not meeting his eyes as he bowed. "Let me be the first to welcome you to the group, Kibum."
Yesung watched the situation unfold with curious eyes. He knew something was up when Heechul called a meeting for the staff, cast and crew. He knew something was wrong when Leeteuk tagged along. And then there was Changmin's reaction towards Kibum's sudden appearance.
Definitely wrong.
"I'm glad to be here," Kibum said, looking at everyone. His eyes briefly rested on a shaking Jaejoong before moving on. It was Yesung's gaze that he caught, however. What happened, those eyes were asking; something definitely has. Kibum gave him a small smile-an it's-okay-I-can-handle-this-hyung smile.
He shrugged. If it was any other day, Yesung would've prodded Kibum to open up. But seeing how he was making Changmin perfectly uncomfortable, Yesung thought, it would be best to let Kibum handle this by himself. After all, if Kibum was distracting Changmin, then the latter wouldn't be able to wreck havoc (as he would put it, he snickered) on Jaejoong and Donghae's relationship.
Yesung chuckled. There was nothing to worry about.
"So we're going to play best friends, huh?"
Changmin jumped, bumping his head on the roof of the trailer truck he was using as his dressing room. "Oh shit. Ow. Kibum, hey. You surprised me," he said, nursing the bump on his head. He tried not to look at his best friend, tried to look as if he was busy doing something really important. Now, where the hell is that script?
"Guess we won't even act the part."
"Guess we won't."
There was a silence for a second or two (Aha! Found you, my elusive prop for this masquerade!), then Changmin heard him sigh. The latter wanted to follow in suit because seriously, they were best friends. And best friends didn't act like this. Like they were stupid. Awkward first meetings of sorts.
"I got carried away."
There was something raw and honest in Kibum's voice that made Changmin look at him for the first time in what seemed like years (he was not beginning to describe his life in a drama-like way, thanks to the project). Kibum smiled a little, looking unsure. Changmin's eyes widened-Canada.
"Kibum-"
"No. I wanted to get carried away."
Changmin froze.
"I love you, Changmin. But-" He took a deep breath before continuing. "-but you have to understand that you are my best friend and that always comes first." There was a pause as if Kibum was trying to process what he just said. "Yeah. That will always come first."
He could turn this around, Changmin thought. He could just stop pursuing Jaejoong, stop pursuing the person who has obviously moved on with a life without him. Kibum was here and he loved him, didn't he (and Changmin loved Kibum, too-to some extent)? It was the painless choice, something that made sense, really. But, he told himself, there was always a but.
"I think I may have to crown you Miss Korea or something."
Kibum blinked. He clearly didn't expect this. "Excuse me?"
Look natural, Changmin reminded himself. If they were going to get past this phase, he would need to sound less serious than usual. Yes, even if he wanted to ask Kibum why he never said anything about it. "Your speech. Lacked 'and world peace', though."
It took several seconds for it to sink in and Changmin was glad when he heard Kibum laugh. There was a feeling of relief in his laugh, something that told Changmin that Kibum understood everything he left unsaid.
"And world peace, then."
Changmin grinned. "Wave and smile, Miss Korea. Wave and smile."
There was a decrease in sexual tension, Saitoh thought as he occupied the space beside Yesung. The younger one glanced at him but did not say anything. Saitoh smiled; decrease indeed.
"You're about to say something completely inappropriate about my dongsaeng," Yesung said. His voice was steely and yet it was a little curious. Saitoh's eyes twinkled. "You're reading me well, Jongwoon-kun," he said, still speaking in a mix of korean and japanese. He slightly leaned on the younger man. "I kinda like it."
Yesung turned to him. Their faces were just inches apart but the difference in their expressions couldn't have been more different. "Stop using your accent to seduce me, Saitoh-san. I am not easily seduced."
Saitoh laughed. "Really now?"
The Korean crossed his legs. "Really."
They stared at each other for a moment, daring one another to back down. It was too much, Saitoh thought as he laughed first, raising his white flag; if he had stared a second or two longer, he knew he would've asked Heechul to postpone today's filming. And when Heechul asked why, he'd say high blood pressure. Scientific enough to pass as an excuse for having his heart beat wildly.
"You take me too seriously, Jongwoon-kun," he said, laughter still on his lips. Yesung shook his head, looking away. "That's because I know how serious you are even when you're teasing me." There was a pause. Fuck, Saitoh thought; how could he not know that he was already losing control of the game he started?
"Jongwoon-"
"Please stop trying, Saitoh-san." His voice was more serious now and Saitoh knew that even though Yesung was looking somewhere else, eyes fixed on nothing and everything, the Korean's full attention was with him. "Donghae doesn't feel the same way, Jongwoon," came his reply-frank and honest. He expected Yesung to get up and walk out of the conversation or even to punch him for daring to say that out loud, but he did neither. "I know," he said, smiling at Saitoh with such softness and such sadness that if someone asked him about it later, he would only say four words: he couldn't help it.
He kissed Yesung.
And there, a few meters away from them, stood Donghae-angry, confused and frustrated. He didn't know what to do or if he should be feeling whatever he was feeling. He stood there, unable to comprehend how Yesung could just stop pushing Saitoh away. He gritted his teeth, schooling his features as he called out in the loudest, bubbliest voice he could muster.
"Hyung!"
He watched how Yesung immediately had a burst of energy; how he pushed Saitoh with such force that the Japanese fell off his seat. "Hyung!" he called again, picking up his pace. He ignored how Saitoh looked suprised and frustrated at the same time, choosing instead to focus on how Yesung tried to school his features and paste a smile on his face. The strain was there-the desire to ask and to demand an explanation-and it was all Donghae needed to begin running.
Kibum watched Donghae run towards Yesung, swiftly placing himself in between the latter and the Japanese actor. He could see how fake Yesung's smile was; how he glared at Saitoh from the corner of his eyes. He could see how tightly Donghae held onto to Yesung, how he used his charms to get his hyung away from Saitoh.
He was glad that his eyesight was still good enough to witness that.
"Was that natural enough?" came Changmin's voice from behind him. It took a lot of effort from Kibum to shift his attention back to his best friend. Ah yes. Changmin was currently practicing lines with Jaejoong. He smiled. "You mean that was scripted?" he asked, making sure his acting skills was still in top shape.
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. "Now see here, Changmin. That," the older one gestured towards Kibum, "is an example of really bad acting." Changmin laughed, head bending backwards. His eyes shone, Kibum observed as he pretended to glare at the two of them. "For once in my life, hyung, I won't say that you're too cocky," Changmin managed to say. Jaejoong's eyes widened, reflexively hitting the younger one. "For once in your life? For once in-so that means you've thought of me as cocky before, huh, brat?!"
And just like that, Kibum felt like they were back.
"How dare you-" was the only thing he could say as he continued to hit Changmin with all of his might. This was familiar ground, Jaejoong thought, and he had been missing this kind of contact. Sure, he loved how Donghae messed with him but fighting with Changmin had always been different.
He stopped.
Something was wrong here. He shouldn't be thinking like this, shouldn't even be thinking about Changmin this way again. He pushed Changmin away, pushing himself from the younger one. He could see the confusion-the hurt, dammit, the hurt-in his eyes but Jaejoong looked away. No, he thought. He shouldn't be here. Not like this.
"I think that's enough practice or today," he found himself saying. "Gotta practice with the others, too. Can't have me all to yourself now, can you?"
The truth was, he wanted to bury himself alive.
But instead, he was laughing along with the joke-that-didn't-really-seem-like-a-joke. He knew from the look on Jaejoong's eyes that something was wrong and that this poor excuse for a joke was a cover up for whatever that was. And that something was making Jaejoong leave with that awkward smile.
Fuck, yes, he wanted to say. He wanted Jaejoong all to himself.
"Donghae?"
"Hm?"
"You know that I love you, right?" Jaejoong whispered on his shoulder. Donghae quickly turned around, worry evident in his eyes. "Of course, I do, Jae," he answered. He was supposed to be the one asking that question, Donghae thought; he was the one spending so much time with another man. He bit his lip. Something must've happened earlier.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
Jaejoong sighed and shook his head. "Nothing," he said, running his fingers through Donghae's hair. "Jae-" he started to say but Jaejoong silenced him with a kiss. Donghae closed his eyes.
"I love you," Jaejoong whispered again.
"I love you, too," Donghae replied, kissing him back.
Things were tense. Leeteuk tried to convince any of his dongsaeng to tell him why but none of them actually wanted to say anything. All they ever said was What are you saying, hyung? I'm fine. And that was usually accompanied by a smile he could see right through. It was frustrating but it wasn't as if he could force them to talk. They were all old enough now.
He sighed.
Everyone was busy setting up the Christmas party scene. Changmin and Kibum were in one corner, practicing. Jaejoong was standing in the middle of the set, absorbing everything around him. Donghae was in make-up. Saitoh and Yesung were somewhere; somehow, that worried Leeteuk a lot.
"Okay, people," came Heechul's booming voice. "We start in ten."
Changmin was making sure the guitar was tuned correctly when Kibum gave his shoulder a hard thwack. His eyes widened. "What the fu-" It was not part of the script but then again, Heechul told them to be natural.
"Ready?" Kibum asked.
Changmin nodded. "Yeah."
"Nervous?"
He laughed. "Definitely."
Kibum gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "You're gonna be great, Daehyun. Trust me." Changmin raised an eyebrow. "You're extremely confident." The older actor grinned as he sat on the stool beside him. "Well, duh."
Changmin blinked. "Duh?"
"Duh," Kibum repeated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Changmin was sure it wasn't. "Duh," he said, trying to figure it out. His best friend rolled his eyes. He gave Changmin another thwack-this time on his head. "Yes, 'duh'! Of course 'duh'! You've got me, stupid!"
"Hey!"
They both jumped, surprised at Yesung's sudden entrance. Yesung raised an eyebrow. "You guys ready? The crowd's asking for you already."
It was their turn to raise their eyebrows. What crowd was Yesung talking about?
"You can introduce us already, master of ceremonies," Kibum said, emphasizing the last part. Mocking Yesung was never good-in real life or otherwise-but it made the scene all the more natural. Heechul would approve and Yesung would definitely not breathe a word about it later.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Kibum whispered as Yesung started introducing them to the 'crowd'. Changmin shrugged and tried to look unaffected. "Why wouldn't I be? You said so yourself: I've got you. So I'm good right?" Kibum reached out, pulling his best friend close-so close that their faces were just a few inches apart. Changmin's eyes widened.
"That line's gonna get you in trouble, Dae. Seriously."
Changmin tried to smile. "Yeah, I get you."
They heard Yesung clear his throat. "He sounds like Dolores Umbridge," Kibum whispered, causing Changmin to chuckle at the sudden Harry Potter reference. "Hemhem," he whispered back before he cleared his throat and looked at the crowd. He squinted, trying to seek out that one person who should be listening to him tonight.
Ah. There you are.
"We won't be singing a Christmas song if that's what you're scared about," Changmin said, his voice echoing clear throughout the room thanks to the microphone. The crowd laughed. "We will, however, sing a love song."
There were catcalls. Jaejoong glanced at him. Changmin couldn't read his expression but it wasn't the one he was looking for.
"See, I find it hard to express my feelings and this song sort of says everything for me. Bear with me for a few minutes. I'll be surrendering the microphone to a more capable singer later on, okay? Okay."
This is for you Junhae.
Suppose I called you up tonight
and told you that I loved you
and suppose I said, "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said,
"I think I finally learned my lesson and I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone."
Jaejoong gripped his glass tighter. He knew he should've told Heechul that it was a bad idea to give Changmin the freedom to choose what song to sing. Somehow, he had an inkling that whatever song Changmin would pick, it would not only be for his character, but also for him-Kim Jaejoong.
And he was right.
He took a deep breath and tried to remain in character. It's not supposed to be hard; after all, he and Junhae were the same. They have found love only to be haunted by the one they had loved before. Jaejoong sighed. Such tragedy, he thought. Changmin and Daehyun should've known better than to let them go.
Would you say: "I told you so, oh I told you so.
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in.
I told you so, but you have to go.
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again."
Changmin tried hard to keep his voice steady and not to lose himself and forget that he was supposed to be Daehyun. That this was supposed to be just a drama and not real life. He took a deep breath, not fighting the tears streaming down his cheeks. He would not hide no more, pretend no more. If he wanted to sing his heart out and cry while doing so, he would.
If he really wanted Jaejoong, he would do everything in his power to get him.
Jaejoong had his eyes closed while he leaned on the balcony. He couldn't stand another minute of hearing Changmin-he shook his head. No, this was not him; this was Junhae running away from Daehyun, not anything else. He was Junhae and Junhae hated the fact that Daehyun had to pick the Christmas party-had to pick this damn time to proclaim his unending love for him.
"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again," he sang under his breath, tasting the bitterness on his tongue. He sighed. He only hoped that Changmin listened to his own song.
"Just because you have Jinhyun doesn't mean I can't steal you."
Jaejoong turned around, jumping a little at the sudden intrusion. Changmin looked different up close. He looked more like the past he hated and yet craved more than anything. He cringed, taking a step back-away from this person he can't even describe his feelings for.
"We're better off as friends, Daehyun." He sighed, turning his attention back to the city lights. "What we had was just a childhood perception of love-nothing more."
Daehyun. Jaejoong had said 'Daehyun' but Changmin heard his name underneath that acting. He shook his head, trying to stop himself from crying again. No, this was not the time to cry. Crying won't get Jaejoong to listen.
"No, Jun. Don't you understand? It was everything." His voice was trembling now. "I love you, Junhae. And this isn't just some childhood perception of it." Jaejoong had frozen sometime between his desperate need for him to listen and his untimely confession. He reached out, gently making Jaejoong look at him.
But Jaejoong slapped his hand away.
Changmin bit his lip. "How can I make you understand, Junhae? This-" He pointed at his heart. "This is telling me that I love you."
Jaejoong closed his eyes and sighed. He shook his head, stepping away from the younger one. He sighed. "Okay. Let’s say that we really did love each other before." Changmin raised his eyes to meet Jaejoong's own. "But don’t you get it? That was before and this is now."
The older one paused, turning his heel. He had his back towards Changmin now and Changmin remembered that time at the airport where he looked back and saw Jaejoong walking away. One word-one word would've changed everything.
"I love Jinhyun now. Please try to understand that. Stop trying to ruin what we have.”
One word, Changmin thought as he reached out and grabbed Jaejoong's arm-pulling him close, so close that they were only inches apart. He had missed that chance before but he wasn't about to miss another one again.
"Daehyun-!"
"Believe me, Junhae. I wouldn't risk everything if I knew that you didn’t feel the same way," he whispered. Jaejoong's eyes widened, alarmed. "What-I do not-!" He cupped Jaejoong's chin, smiling at how helpless the older one was in his arms. "Believe me, you do."
Changmin kissed Jaejoong.
The thing about acting was that it had to be as natural as humanly possible. The thing about Donghae being an actor in this drama-watching his boyfriend kiss that man the latter has loved all these years-was that he didn't have to act hurt. He was hurt.
What he tried hard to do was not to rush outside and break that kiss-and break Changmin's jaw in the process. He gripped his champagne glass tighter, feeling the glass slowly breaking. Jaejoong wasn't struggling anymore; he had his eyes closed now, fingers gripping Changmin's shirt as they kissed deeper. They weren't Junhae and Daehyun now; this was just Jaejoong and Changmin-kissing.
"I will fight for you," he heard Changmin say when they parted for air. Jaejoong's head was resting on the taller one's chest, eyes still closed. He was still gripping Changmin's shirt, frustration seeping through those fingers. "I know," Jaejoong whispered and it was at that moment that Donghae hated the fact that he could hear their conversation. "I wish you wouldn't."
Changmin smiled, guiding Jaejoong's face so that the older one was looking at him. Donghae could see the struggle in Jaejoong's eyes. "Somehow, I think you don't," Changmin whispered back before kissing Jaejoong again. This time, he didn't see any struggle at all.
The champagne glass in Donghae's hand shattered.
23 | 25
Check-in. Check-out.
No Show Fee: o1 | o2 | o3 | o4 | o5.a | o5.b | o6 | st, boarding pass | o7.a | o7.b. | o7.c | o7.d | o8.a | o8.b | o8.c | o8.d | o8.e | o9 | 1o | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 2o | 21 | 22 | 23
yumeyana
dong bang shin ki / super junior | Jaejoong x Changmin, Jaejoong x Donghae, Yesung x Donghae
PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? Love always complicates things. It reminds us of old heartaches, of feelings we never thought we had. And even though Jaejoong and the gang try to ignore everything while they work, they soon find out that love is something they can't leave behind.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author's Notes: I know it's been more than a year since I last updated and I ask for your patience. I'm trying to write as fast as I can but my muses aren't always present. Hopefully, I'll get to write the next chapter soon. And finish it soon, too. ♥
Disclaimers: None of the SM Entertainment artists mentioned below belong to me. Only the plot is mine.
No Show Fee: Baggage Carousel
Leeteuk was against it and he was sure Heechul felt the same way. But as usual, the director had no choice; this was another special request. Whose, he didn't even want to know. After all, knowing whose request it was wouldn't really solve any of the upcoming problems they would face.
"I think I'll change careers after this project," Heechul told him over their fifth bottle of soju. He raised an eyebrow. "Again?" There was a grunt. "Fine," he said, gulping down his share of the soju. "Not a complete career change. Maybe something that can go with the one I have now."
"Like what?"
"Writer. Scriptwriter. Playwright. Whatever you call it."
Leeteuk had to laugh. It was Heechul's way of saying how much he hated not being able to have the last say in his project. Something that went along the lines of I'm the fucking the director so why are you screwing with my drama or something close to that. Sometimes, he was still amazed at how much Heechul has changed. Years could do a lot to a person, he thought.
"Control-freak."
"And proud, Park. And proud."
A week before Christmas, Heechul called for a general assembly of sorts. Changmin thought nothing of it when it was announced but when Heechul told them that attendance was a must and excuses wouldn't be accepted, his interest was piqued. What could be so important, anyway?
"I hope everyone's here," Heechul said the moment he arrived. Changmin's eyes roamed around the room, noting that even Leeteuk, who wasn't even part of the cast, was there. Leeteuk must've sensed someone staring at him for a moment later, he glanced at Changmin and gave him a small smile.
"There have been a few changes," Heechul told everyone and there was a collective groan. Another change meant that there were schedule adjustments and stuff that made everyone work longer hours just because someone above all of them decided to make them his chess pieces.
"Yes, we all hate this particular writer and will never, ever produce any of the said writer's works ever again," he said with a particular evil smirk. There were different reactions to his statement: some laughed, some grinned; some just shrugged. "So anyway. For the next three episodes, we will have a guest. He's a veteran actor so we really won't have to worry so much." Heechul paused and Changmin wasn't sure if this was for a dramatic effect or if he wanted to give everyone the opportunity to process it. Changmin was guessing it was a little of both.
"Kibum, please come in and introduce yourself."
Changmin stiffened. It could be any of the Kibums he had met along the way (Key from SHINee, Kibum from U-Kiss, and another Kibum from somewhere) and for it to be the best friend he wasn't ready to face was too much of a coincidence-Shut up, CLAMP.
"안녕하세요, 김 기범 입니다。 반갑숨니다。"
(Hello, I'm Kim Kibum. It's nice to meet you.)
Jaejoong had this urge to snicker or chuckle-whichever sound would come out first-at the expression on Changmin's face. The younger one was sitting where he could watch him from the corner of his eyes and for once, Jaejoong was happy that his eyes flickered towards Changmin just in time. Dong Bang Shin Ki's magnae was rarely shaken or emotional about anything but the sound of Kibum's name and his voice clearly sent shivers down his spine.
Curious, Jaejoong thought, weren't they the best of friends?
"Kibum will be here for our Christmas special. He'll be Daehyun's best friend in that episode where-" Jaejoong watched in amusement as Changmin's eyes suddenly grew wide. "Wait, what?" he choked. "He'll be my what?" Jaejoong tried biting his lower lip to prevent himself from laughing out loud. Heechul blinked, confused at Changmin's tone. "Your best friend. I didn't think it would be much of a problem, Changmin, since the two of you really are best friends and all. Unless-"
Changmin waved his arms wildly, shaking his head while he did so. It was too funny, Jaejoong thought as he muffled his laughter by hiding behind Donghae. His boyfriend seemed to realize what was happening for he, too, was shaking in attempts to keep a straight face.
"Nonono," Changmin said, trying to regain his composure. "We are best friends. I was just surprised, that's all." He turned to Kibum, not meeting his eyes as he bowed. "Let me be the first to welcome you to the group, Kibum."
Yesung watched the situation unfold with curious eyes. He knew something was up when Heechul called a meeting for the staff, cast and crew. He knew something was wrong when Leeteuk tagged along. And then there was Changmin's reaction towards Kibum's sudden appearance.
Definitely wrong.
"I'm glad to be here," Kibum said, looking at everyone. His eyes briefly rested on a shaking Jaejoong before moving on. It was Yesung's gaze that he caught, however. What happened, those eyes were asking; something definitely has. Kibum gave him a small smile-an it's-okay-I-can-handle-this-hyung smile.
He shrugged. If it was any other day, Yesung would've prodded Kibum to open up. But seeing how he was making Changmin perfectly uncomfortable, Yesung thought, it would be best to let Kibum handle this by himself. After all, if Kibum was distracting Changmin, then the latter wouldn't be able to wreck havoc (as he would put it, he snickered) on Jaejoong and Donghae's relationship.
Yesung chuckled. There was nothing to worry about.
"So we're going to play best friends, huh?"
Changmin jumped, bumping his head on the roof of the trailer truck he was using as his dressing room. "Oh shit. Ow. Kibum, hey. You surprised me," he said, nursing the bump on his head. He tried not to look at his best friend, tried to look as if he was busy doing something really important. Now, where the hell is that script?
"Guess we won't even act the part."
"Guess we won't."
There was a silence for a second or two (Aha! Found you, my elusive prop for this masquerade!), then Changmin heard him sigh. The latter wanted to follow in suit because seriously, they were best friends. And best friends didn't act like this. Like they were stupid. Awkward first meetings of sorts.
"I got carried away."
There was something raw and honest in Kibum's voice that made Changmin look at him for the first time in what seemed like years (he was not beginning to describe his life in a drama-like way, thanks to the project). Kibum smiled a little, looking unsure. Changmin's eyes widened-Canada.
"Kibum-"
"No. I wanted to get carried away."
Changmin froze.
"I love you, Changmin. But-" He took a deep breath before continuing. "-but you have to understand that you are my best friend and that always comes first." There was a pause as if Kibum was trying to process what he just said. "Yeah. That will always come first."
He could turn this around, Changmin thought. He could just stop pursuing Jaejoong, stop pursuing the person who has obviously moved on with a life without him. Kibum was here and he loved him, didn't he (and Changmin loved Kibum, too-to some extent)? It was the painless choice, something that made sense, really. But, he told himself, there was always a but.
"I think I may have to crown you Miss Korea or something."
Kibum blinked. He clearly didn't expect this. "Excuse me?"
Look natural, Changmin reminded himself. If they were going to get past this phase, he would need to sound less serious than usual. Yes, even if he wanted to ask Kibum why he never said anything about it. "Your speech. Lacked 'and world peace', though."
It took several seconds for it to sink in and Changmin was glad when he heard Kibum laugh. There was a feeling of relief in his laugh, something that told Changmin that Kibum understood everything he left unsaid.
"And world peace, then."
Changmin grinned. "Wave and smile, Miss Korea. Wave and smile."
There was a decrease in sexual tension, Saitoh thought as he occupied the space beside Yesung. The younger one glanced at him but did not say anything. Saitoh smiled; decrease indeed.
"You're about to say something completely inappropriate about my dongsaeng," Yesung said. His voice was steely and yet it was a little curious. Saitoh's eyes twinkled. "You're reading me well, Jongwoon-kun," he said, still speaking in a mix of korean and japanese. He slightly leaned on the younger man. "I kinda like it."
Yesung turned to him. Their faces were just inches apart but the difference in their expressions couldn't have been more different. "Stop using your accent to seduce me, Saitoh-san. I am not easily seduced."
Saitoh laughed. "Really now?"
The Korean crossed his legs. "Really."
They stared at each other for a moment, daring one another to back down. It was too much, Saitoh thought as he laughed first, raising his white flag; if he had stared a second or two longer, he knew he would've asked Heechul to postpone today's filming. And when Heechul asked why, he'd say high blood pressure. Scientific enough to pass as an excuse for having his heart beat wildly.
"You take me too seriously, Jongwoon-kun," he said, laughter still on his lips. Yesung shook his head, looking away. "That's because I know how serious you are even when you're teasing me." There was a pause. Fuck, Saitoh thought; how could he not know that he was already losing control of the game he started?
"Jongwoon-"
"Please stop trying, Saitoh-san." His voice was more serious now and Saitoh knew that even though Yesung was looking somewhere else, eyes fixed on nothing and everything, the Korean's full attention was with him. "Donghae doesn't feel the same way, Jongwoon," came his reply-frank and honest. He expected Yesung to get up and walk out of the conversation or even to punch him for daring to say that out loud, but he did neither. "I know," he said, smiling at Saitoh with such softness and such sadness that if someone asked him about it later, he would only say four words: he couldn't help it.
He kissed Yesung.
And there, a few meters away from them, stood Donghae-angry, confused and frustrated. He didn't know what to do or if he should be feeling whatever he was feeling. He stood there, unable to comprehend how Yesung could just stop pushing Saitoh away. He gritted his teeth, schooling his features as he called out in the loudest, bubbliest voice he could muster.
"Hyung!"
He watched how Yesung immediately had a burst of energy; how he pushed Saitoh with such force that the Japanese fell off his seat. "Hyung!" he called again, picking up his pace. He ignored how Saitoh looked suprised and frustrated at the same time, choosing instead to focus on how Yesung tried to school his features and paste a smile on his face. The strain was there-the desire to ask and to demand an explanation-and it was all Donghae needed to begin running.
Kibum watched Donghae run towards Yesung, swiftly placing himself in between the latter and the Japanese actor. He could see how fake Yesung's smile was; how he glared at Saitoh from the corner of his eyes. He could see how tightly Donghae held onto to Yesung, how he used his charms to get his hyung away from Saitoh.
He was glad that his eyesight was still good enough to witness that.
"Was that natural enough?" came Changmin's voice from behind him. It took a lot of effort from Kibum to shift his attention back to his best friend. Ah yes. Changmin was currently practicing lines with Jaejoong. He smiled. "You mean that was scripted?" he asked, making sure his acting skills was still in top shape.
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. "Now see here, Changmin. That," the older one gestured towards Kibum, "is an example of really bad acting." Changmin laughed, head bending backwards. His eyes shone, Kibum observed as he pretended to glare at the two of them. "For once in my life, hyung, I won't say that you're too cocky," Changmin managed to say. Jaejoong's eyes widened, reflexively hitting the younger one. "For once in your life? For once in-so that means you've thought of me as cocky before, huh, brat?!"
And just like that, Kibum felt like they were back.
"How dare you-" was the only thing he could say as he continued to hit Changmin with all of his might. This was familiar ground, Jaejoong thought, and he had been missing this kind of contact. Sure, he loved how Donghae messed with him but fighting with Changmin had always been different.
He stopped.
Something was wrong here. He shouldn't be thinking like this, shouldn't even be thinking about Changmin this way again. He pushed Changmin away, pushing himself from the younger one. He could see the confusion-the hurt, dammit, the hurt-in his eyes but Jaejoong looked away. No, he thought. He shouldn't be here. Not like this.
"I think that's enough practice or today," he found himself saying. "Gotta practice with the others, too. Can't have me all to yourself now, can you?"
The truth was, he wanted to bury himself alive.
But instead, he was laughing along with the joke-that-didn't-really-seem-like-a-joke. He knew from the look on Jaejoong's eyes that something was wrong and that this poor excuse for a joke was a cover up for whatever that was. And that something was making Jaejoong leave with that awkward smile.
Fuck, yes, he wanted to say. He wanted Jaejoong all to himself.
"Donghae?"
"Hm?"
"You know that I love you, right?" Jaejoong whispered on his shoulder. Donghae quickly turned around, worry evident in his eyes. "Of course, I do, Jae," he answered. He was supposed to be the one asking that question, Donghae thought; he was the one spending so much time with another man. He bit his lip. Something must've happened earlier.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
Jaejoong sighed and shook his head. "Nothing," he said, running his fingers through Donghae's hair. "Jae-" he started to say but Jaejoong silenced him with a kiss. Donghae closed his eyes.
"I love you," Jaejoong whispered again.
"I love you, too," Donghae replied, kissing him back.
Things were tense. Leeteuk tried to convince any of his dongsaeng to tell him why but none of them actually wanted to say anything. All they ever said was What are you saying, hyung? I'm fine. And that was usually accompanied by a smile he could see right through. It was frustrating but it wasn't as if he could force them to talk. They were all old enough now.
He sighed.
Everyone was busy setting up the Christmas party scene. Changmin and Kibum were in one corner, practicing. Jaejoong was standing in the middle of the set, absorbing everything around him. Donghae was in make-up. Saitoh and Yesung were somewhere; somehow, that worried Leeteuk a lot.
"Okay, people," came Heechul's booming voice. "We start in ten."
Changmin was making sure the guitar was tuned correctly when Kibum gave his shoulder a hard thwack. His eyes widened. "What the fu-" It was not part of the script but then again, Heechul told them to be natural.
"Ready?" Kibum asked.
Changmin nodded. "Yeah."
"Nervous?"
He laughed. "Definitely."
Kibum gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "You're gonna be great, Daehyun. Trust me." Changmin raised an eyebrow. "You're extremely confident." The older actor grinned as he sat on the stool beside him. "Well, duh."
Changmin blinked. "Duh?"
"Duh," Kibum repeated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Changmin was sure it wasn't. "Duh," he said, trying to figure it out. His best friend rolled his eyes. He gave Changmin another thwack-this time on his head. "Yes, 'duh'! Of course 'duh'! You've got me, stupid!"
"Hey!"
They both jumped, surprised at Yesung's sudden entrance. Yesung raised an eyebrow. "You guys ready? The crowd's asking for you already."
It was their turn to raise their eyebrows. What crowd was Yesung talking about?
"You can introduce us already, master of ceremonies," Kibum said, emphasizing the last part. Mocking Yesung was never good-in real life or otherwise-but it made the scene all the more natural. Heechul would approve and Yesung would definitely not breathe a word about it later.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Kibum whispered as Yesung started introducing them to the 'crowd'. Changmin shrugged and tried to look unaffected. "Why wouldn't I be? You said so yourself: I've got you. So I'm good right?" Kibum reached out, pulling his best friend close-so close that their faces were just a few inches apart. Changmin's eyes widened.
"That line's gonna get you in trouble, Dae. Seriously."
Changmin tried to smile. "Yeah, I get you."
They heard Yesung clear his throat. "He sounds like Dolores Umbridge," Kibum whispered, causing Changmin to chuckle at the sudden Harry Potter reference. "Hemhem," he whispered back before he cleared his throat and looked at the crowd. He squinted, trying to seek out that one person who should be listening to him tonight.
Ah. There you are.
"We won't be singing a Christmas song if that's what you're scared about," Changmin said, his voice echoing clear throughout the room thanks to the microphone. The crowd laughed. "We will, however, sing a love song."
There were catcalls. Jaejoong glanced at him. Changmin couldn't read his expression but it wasn't the one he was looking for.
"See, I find it hard to express my feelings and this song sort of says everything for me. Bear with me for a few minutes. I'll be surrendering the microphone to a more capable singer later on, okay? Okay."
This is for you Junhae.
Suppose I called you up tonight
and told you that I loved you
and suppose I said, "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said,
"I think I finally learned my lesson and I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone."
Jaejoong gripped his glass tighter. He knew he should've told Heechul that it was a bad idea to give Changmin the freedom to choose what song to sing. Somehow, he had an inkling that whatever song Changmin would pick, it would not only be for his character, but also for him-Kim Jaejoong.
And he was right.
He took a deep breath and tried to remain in character. It's not supposed to be hard; after all, he and Junhae were the same. They have found love only to be haunted by the one they had loved before. Jaejoong sighed. Such tragedy, he thought. Changmin and Daehyun should've known better than to let them go.
Would you say: "I told you so, oh I told you so.
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in.
I told you so, but you have to go.
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again."
Changmin tried hard to keep his voice steady and not to lose himself and forget that he was supposed to be Daehyun. That this was supposed to be just a drama and not real life. He took a deep breath, not fighting the tears streaming down his cheeks. He would not hide no more, pretend no more. If he wanted to sing his heart out and cry while doing so, he would.
If he really wanted Jaejoong, he would do everything in his power to get him.
Jaejoong had his eyes closed while he leaned on the balcony. He couldn't stand another minute of hearing Changmin-he shook his head. No, this was not him; this was Junhae running away from Daehyun, not anything else. He was Junhae and Junhae hated the fact that Daehyun had to pick the Christmas party-had to pick this damn time to proclaim his unending love for him.
"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again," he sang under his breath, tasting the bitterness on his tongue. He sighed. He only hoped that Changmin listened to his own song.
"Just because you have Jinhyun doesn't mean I can't steal you."
Jaejoong turned around, jumping a little at the sudden intrusion. Changmin looked different up close. He looked more like the past he hated and yet craved more than anything. He cringed, taking a step back-away from this person he can't even describe his feelings for.
"We're better off as friends, Daehyun." He sighed, turning his attention back to the city lights. "What we had was just a childhood perception of love-nothing more."
Daehyun. Jaejoong had said 'Daehyun' but Changmin heard his name underneath that acting. He shook his head, trying to stop himself from crying again. No, this was not the time to cry. Crying won't get Jaejoong to listen.
"No, Jun. Don't you understand? It was everything." His voice was trembling now. "I love you, Junhae. And this isn't just some childhood perception of it." Jaejoong had frozen sometime between his desperate need for him to listen and his untimely confession. He reached out, gently making Jaejoong look at him.
But Jaejoong slapped his hand away.
Changmin bit his lip. "How can I make you understand, Junhae? This-" He pointed at his heart. "This is telling me that I love you."
Jaejoong closed his eyes and sighed. He shook his head, stepping away from the younger one. He sighed. "Okay. Let’s say that we really did love each other before." Changmin raised his eyes to meet Jaejoong's own. "But don’t you get it? That was before and this is now."
The older one paused, turning his heel. He had his back towards Changmin now and Changmin remembered that time at the airport where he looked back and saw Jaejoong walking away. One word-one word would've changed everything.
"I love Jinhyun now. Please try to understand that. Stop trying to ruin what we have.”
One word, Changmin thought as he reached out and grabbed Jaejoong's arm-pulling him close, so close that they were only inches apart. He had missed that chance before but he wasn't about to miss another one again.
"Daehyun-!"
"Believe me, Junhae. I wouldn't risk everything if I knew that you didn’t feel the same way," he whispered. Jaejoong's eyes widened, alarmed. "What-I do not-!" He cupped Jaejoong's chin, smiling at how helpless the older one was in his arms. "Believe me, you do."
Changmin kissed Jaejoong.
The thing about acting was that it had to be as natural as humanly possible. The thing about Donghae being an actor in this drama-watching his boyfriend kiss that man the latter has loved all these years-was that he didn't have to act hurt. He was hurt.
What he tried hard to do was not to rush outside and break that kiss-and break Changmin's jaw in the process. He gripped his champagne glass tighter, feeling the glass slowly breaking. Jaejoong wasn't struggling anymore; he had his eyes closed now, fingers gripping Changmin's shirt as they kissed deeper. They weren't Junhae and Daehyun now; this was just Jaejoong and Changmin-kissing.
"I will fight for you," he heard Changmin say when they parted for air. Jaejoong's head was resting on the taller one's chest, eyes still closed. He was still gripping Changmin's shirt, frustration seeping through those fingers. "I know," Jaejoong whispered and it was at that moment that Donghae hated the fact that he could hear their conversation. "I wish you wouldn't."
Changmin smiled, guiding Jaejoong's face so that the older one was looking at him. Donghae could see the struggle in Jaejoong's eyes. "Somehow, I think you don't," Changmin whispered back before kissing Jaejoong again. This time, he didn't see any struggle at all.
The champagne glass in Donghae's hand shattered.
23 | 25
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