A trip from Silverstag Eco Hamlet to Snowland with Paladin and talking about Metheus. A raw potluck reuniting me with old friends which included a powerful experience with Gavreel. Then a night beside Eagle, a lover of mine from 2014 who I had not seen in over a year. ( Read The Story )

Friday, January 15th, 2016, (Hibiscus overseas on a work-trip.)
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I came into Paladin's bedroom while he was still asleep. I knelt beside him and began speaking softly to him. I spoke to him about my recent reading about "forward pelvic tilt syndrome," which I now believed was the cause of his chronic back pain.
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I talked to him about my ideas for ( Read more... )

Wednesday, December 16th, 2015, we left Marigold's & Redoak's home in the south at seven o'clock in the morning. We'd planned on leaving at six o'clock, and I'd gotten out of bed at five-fifteen. I considered leaving before eight o'clock a success, considering Paladin's habitual departure delays.
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Paladin took the first shift at driving. We traded ( Read more... )

I’ve been demoted.
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It finally hit me, hard. The reason I felt so depressed, at its heart, wasn’t all the obvious things. Sure, I was stressed about the idea of leaving tomorrow morning at six o’clock for the long, long drive north to Snowland. Yes, I was afraid of dealing with that house, and with my parents.
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It was sad that there wouldn’t be ( Read more... )

As sick as I felt Wednesday, I still hoped that Thursday morning I would make it to flow-yoga on Thanksgiving morning. When I woke I felt awful. I put the idea from my mind. Still I hoped to make it to the potluck I had organized that evening. One way or another, I'd decided that I was leaving Snowland the next morning. It would mean bailing on ( Read more... )

Friday evening I helped Hibiscus with one of his construction projects for the first time. I suited up in jeans, multiple hoddies, wrist warmers and two pairs of socks. I was still cold, but I managed to carry some boards, nail some of them down, and make myself a little less than useless. I enjoyed being on top of the bridge rafters, some thirteen ( Read more... )

"I felt the hate rise up in me. I wander out where you can't see. Inside my shell I wait and bleed. ... Everything is turning bad for me." From Slipknot's song Wait and Bleed. I'd been introduced to it when I was twelve or thirteen by Hyena, the infatuation that lasted for six months prior to Wolf, my first love.
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Why, oh why, would these lyrics ( Read more... )

The potluck went well.
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Knotweed and her boyfriend broke up yesterday morning and it was good to hear that and to see that she is taking it very well. I had said to her just a week ago, "I'm not sure how it will work out in the long run. You're so much more in tune than he is."
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She had brushed it off and said, "But he's very grounding for me and I ( Read more... )

Excerpt: Paladin can't even look at what he wants, because he is terrified that going after what he wants means leaving me. But I don't know that I can continue to be there for him when he uses me as an excuse to pile more guilt on himself.( Read more... )

Not too long after that I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. It said, "My cousin says you wanted to talk to me."
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There was only one person that could be from. September 10th I had written to Wolf's cousin on facebook:
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"Heyhey. I hate to make you feel like I'm just contacting you as a way of reaching Wolf, because you're a full, embodied ( Read more... )