A trip from Silverstag Eco Hamlet to Snowland with Paladin and talking about Metheus. A raw potluck reuniting me with old friends which included a powerful experience with Gavreel. Then a night beside Eagle, a lover of mine from 2014 who I had not seen in over a year. ( Read The Story )

[Location: My bedroom, Hibiscus's house, Silverstag Eco Hamlet]
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"I need to remember to tell you about the berry-picking C.S.A.," Hibiscus said.
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"You already did. I looked into it. We're going to be getting two different fruit shares from other farms," I said.
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"Oh," Hibiscus said. "I did?"
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"Yes. It's the one over at the village in town," I said. ( Read more... )

Monday night (one of our last evenings together in February before Hibiscus would go off on another work trip and I would head to Sunnyland to visit Nelum) Hibiscus and I laid together in my bed. He read to me two and a half chapters from Hammer with God. We were two-thirds of the way through the book. It was far enough into the trilogy to talk in ( Read more... )

I felt cut off from my sadness, my grief, my tears. "It's like that entire form of emotion is dead to me," I said to Paladin over the phone. "It's too painful to feel my grief for you, and so I just skim across the surface."
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"It's hard for me too," he said.
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And within six minutes on the phone with him, I was in tears for the first time in weeks. ( Read more... )

Friday evening I helped Hibiscus with one of his construction projects for the first time. I suited up in jeans, multiple hoddies, wrist warmers and two pairs of socks. I was still cold, but I managed to carry some boards, nail some of them down, and make myself a little less than useless. I enjoyed being on top of the bridge rafters, some thirteen ( Read more... )

I sat down in the swivel chair that Hibiscus had provided for me. I opened the bottle of GT'S Enlightened (Organic, Raw) Lavender Kombucha and took a swig - savoring, swishing and swallowing. I could hear scrubbing noises in the next room over - in Hibiscus's bathroom - where Paladin was using baking soda on the bathtub to prepare it for my bath. ( Read more... )

After Hibiscus left for his weekend trip I found my mood changing rapidly. Where I had been giddy, now I was lost. Where I had been aroused, now I was tried. Where I had been excited, now I was tentative. Where I had been wise, now I was desolate. Where I had been angry, now I was weeping.
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Saturday evening I curled up on Hibiscus's bed and Paladin ( Read more... )

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

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Today I was curious to see if what I said to Hibiscus about my old writing was true. I said to him, "I journaled a lot between the ages of ten and eighteen. I'm sure most of it is drivel, especially the constant writing I kept up when I was with Wolf and after he left me."
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I started looking through some old writing ( Read more... )

( Read the Introduction )

So do I believe I will lose Thistledown as a friend? On the surface, of course not. But deep down, I fear that I will lose everyone.( Read more... )