[multi-chapter] Remarkable [Ohmiya / Sakuraiba] [34]

[morninglights]

Title: Remarkable - The Same Difference
Pairing: Ohmiya | Sakuraiba
Rating: R
Genre: alternative, angst, mystery

Summary: Ohno Satoshi - newly hired host in a men's club - was slowly losing his hopes for a better life. Then one day he met a mysterious customer and his whole being suddenly hoped that his life would take a turn for the better. But Ohno couldn't even imagine the consequences this no doubt important meeting would have.

Warning: AU (Alternative Universe), RPS (Real Person Slash)
Translator: lady_alesha♥
Beta: nanao253 ♥

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Chapter 34

He had started to cry. While he was screaming at him, he had started to cry. Unnoticed, it seemed, because he made no move to wipe the tears off of his reddened cheeks. Or he was letting them flow unhindered in defiance, to show him how much all of this had hurt him. Was still hurting him.

Ohno Satoshi was crying while he screamed at him. And Nino couldn’t bear it.

“You idiot! Damn! Damn!”

Slowly but surely his voice seemed to be failing him. But Nino didn’t do anything, didn't move, he just gave Ohno the time to let it all out. He deserved it. The anger, the hatred, all the rage that had accumulated in Ohno over the last year, he deserved all of it.

The former host just kept going, clawing at his shirt and shaking him. Until he finally calmed down.

His calm made Nino realize something else. In the silence that now engulfed them, broken only now and then by Ohno’s sniffles, a few things became painfully obvious.

He had always hoped that Ohno’s connection to him wasn’t so strong after all. Deep inside he had hoped that Ohno would forget him before long.

But he had obviously been very wrong.

Nino lifted his arms slowly and wrapped them around Ohno as gently as he could. And even with only such a little touch he felt them again, the mass of small butterflies in his stomach, clichéd but oh so real. A pleasant tingling that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Satoshi…,” he breathed into the darkness, his breath rising toward the sky in a pale-white cloud. His hand rubbed Ohno’s back almost automatically. Ohno hardly moved inside this half-embrace. After the explosion of rage and anger, he had gone very quiet. He pressed his lowered head into Nino’s chest, his fingers still locked in his shirtfront.

“Why…?” Nino heard him whipser barely audibly, "Why are you here?"

But the vampire couldn’t answer at first. He wasn’t really prepared for this situation. He didn’t know how to treat Ohno and could only follow his feelings, but his feelings told him to stay quiet.

After a short pause Ohno continued:

“First… first you leave without talking to me again… and then… then you just come back here without having called me once. But maybe… maybe you didn’t even want this, right? Us meeting here is just a coincidence, right?”

It hurt. Every single word that left Ohno’s lips hurt deep in Nino’s chest. And if fit wasn’t the meaning behind the words, it was the way he spoke them, the hurt and sad tone of his voice that still carried a tinge of anger. Ohno didn’t even try to disguise the anger in his voice, wanting Nino to know how much he had hurt him.

But Nino had never imagined that Ohno would still feel the same way after a year. Never dared to hope.

And he knew that it was high time for him to say more than just Ohno’s name. Suddenly he pulled the small body even closer against his own and almost smiled, when Ohno didn't fight the motion. But he knew that now wasn't the time to smile, so he kept his face expressionless.

“If I hadn’t wanted to see you, I wouldn’t be here now.”

His voice faded slowly, softly into nothingness, while he tenderly moved his hand to Ohno's neck. He caressed the soft skin until he reached his hair in a bid to calm and placate him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you…,” he added in the same, earnest voice.

Even though Ninomiya Kazunari was hardly ever honest when it came to his feelings for others, he knew that he had to tell the truth now. Or he could lose the only person left that meant something to him.

But apparently Ohno could argue his point just as well as he could:

“If you hadn’t wanted to get rid of me, you never would have left.”

And in a way it was true, Nino had wanted to get rid of him and he hadn’t even given him a reason why. Everyone had thought the same thing Ohno had, he couldn’t blame him for it. But it was a vicious circle, everything around him was a vicious circle that he couldn’t get out of without lying. Because even now he couldn’t tell Ohno why he had left. He would never be able to tell him.

But he couldn’t simply leave it at that either.

“Did you… did you really think I left you willingly…?” was all he could ask, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. The qustion made Ohno look up, made him look Nino in the eyes, his cheeks still wet and his eyes red. Nino couldn’t stop his hand from wiping away his tears.

“Did you really believe that all this time…?”

Deep inside Ohno seemed to enjoy his touch and the vampire could see in his eyes that he was drinking in his tenderness. There was still hope. But they were a long way from where he wanted them to be.

“What else was I supposed to think? You yelled at me, said life was unfair and then you just left. What was I supposed to think if not that?” Ohno said, his voice trembled, but he never took his eyes off Nino. Something he wouldn’t have been able to do a year ago.

“You hurt me…”

And only now Nino noticed it. It wasn’t that he hadn’t noticed right away that Ohno had changed. But he hadn’t noticed how the former host had spoken to him. How he addressed him without a trace of his former politeness. He didn’t talk to him as if he was his customer anymore, something Nino found a little unsettling, if he was honest with himself. Because until now it had been him who had been in control. He had controlled Ohno, had taken advantage of his politeness and through it all he had known that in the end, Ohno would do exactly what he told him to do.

Things were different now. Nino wasn’t in control anymore, Ohno wasn’t helpless anymore. They were equals now.

“I didn’t want… to put you in danger back then… but that’s exactly what I would have done, if I had stayed with you…,” Nino explained carefully after a short pause. Hesitant.

“And… if I had visited you again… to say goodbye… I wouldn’t have been able to leave…” It had taken a lot out of him to say those words and he was honestly surprised that he had really done it. But that wasn’t all. He had opened up to Ohno, had been more honest than ever before, and at the same time he had shown weakness. All of it was new to him and he could hardly believe that this was really happening.

But even if he couldn’t tell him everything - he finally wanted to be honest with him.

He remembered perfectly well how he had felt that last day, upstairs in his dressing room with Ohno. He remembered how broken he had been. And he knew perfectly well that their separation had only been successful because Ohno had finally left him. He himself would never have been able to leave. He had been too lost in the overwhelming love he felt for Ohno to ever leave him.

“I only ever wanted… what was best for you…,” he finally mumbled. He didn’t feel able to say more.

The old Ohno would probably have taken his explanation at face value, would have accepted things as they were, if only to continue to enjoy Nino's company.

But the Ohno he was facing now wasn’t so easily placated.

“Danger…? What danger…? I don’t understand, Nino. You are speaking in riddles, just like you were back then. How am I supposed to understand that? How am I supposed to understand you, if you don’t explain what you did! Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you call or write over the last year? Why are you here now? And why can’t you just answer my questions, damn it?”

After all the hard but understandable words, it seemed like a miracle to Nino that Ohno was still in his arms. But Ohno didn’t let go of him, thereby showing him that, despite all the uncertainty, he still wanted to be with him. Still wanted to be close to him. Something, he could under no circumstances destroy, too.

And the half-hug turned into a real hug when Nino wrapped his arms around Ohno more tightly and pulled him into his body, squeezing him tightly. He rested his head on Ohno’s shoulder, closed his eyes and started to speak words he wasn’t supposed to speak:

“Satoshi… I…”

But he owed Ohno. After everything he must have thought of him over the last year, he bloody well owed him.

“I…”

‘… am dangerous for you. I’m a vampire on the run from another vampire. I kill people to survive. I’m not who you think I am.’

The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to finally be said out loud, so that there were no more secrets, no more lies between them.

But he knew that blurting all of it out was the dumbest thing he could do right now. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“I… missed you…,” finally left his lips even though he had wanted to say so much more.

Nino heard Ohno sigh quietly and felt him tighten the embrace.

“I missed you, too…,” Ohno’s quiet words reached him, but his voice was saturated with resignation. As if he had realized that he would never get the answers he wanted. And that he would have to deal with that if he wanted to be with Nino again.

So they just stood there, arms wrapped around each other and their faces buried in each other’s shoulders, out in the cold night.

And finally they were once again enjoying each other’s closeness.

But after a while they had had to get out of the cold and had, hand in hand, started to look for a café. It had felt like no time had passed at all, as if the last year hadn’t happened.

Even when they sat across from each other, smiling, a flickering candle on the table between them, it felt as if this was how it was supposed to be.

Nino wished with all his heart that it could bet hat simple. With nothing keeping them apart. But there was something, something that would make itself heard again soon with alarming thirst and remind him that all of this was just a fantasy. Something that could never become true.

“I think Aiba-chan is in love. He could hardly wait to get back here and ran straight to the club," Nino said with a smile, accepting the fantasy for what it was and trying to hold onto it as long as possible. Reality would catch up with him soon enough.

“Eh? In love…? With Sho-kun?” Ohno said, surprised, looking at him with wide eyes before a smile stole on his lips. “I’m happy for them! You wouldn’t believe how often Sho-kun talked about him. That’s exactly why he…”

But Ohno suddenly stopped and Nino raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“Why he what…?” he asked uncertainly, hoping that it wasn’t anything to do with him being a vampire. He didn’t even want to think about that. The thought that Ohno knew about him frightened him more than anything. But it couldn’t be true, right? Sho would never tell him, he was too afraid of losing Ohno.

“He started… working as a host again." Ohno smiled crookedly at him. “After you and Masaki-san left… Sho-kun kept his distance from me, too. And… I only heard that he had quit his job. But he didn’t want to tell me why. He… was acting… strange for a while. But after a while things got better and he talked to me more again... and then he said, he would start at the club again. That he would wait there for Masaki-san.”

There was nothing Nino could say. He could only stay silent and take in what Ohno was telling him.

‘All this time he was… more or less alone, at first at least. Of course, how could I have forgotten that I couldn’t rely on Sho-kun? As a new vampire he would have stayed away from Satoshi… afraid... and he must have quit the job at the club for the same reason...'

Things he only realized too late. Things that explained the change in Ohno.

Nino didn’t even want to imagine how lonely he must have been at first.

“I’m so very sorry…,” Nino couldn’t stop the words from tumbling from his lips. “I… that I… left you behind…”

Ohno's face was expressionless when he looked at him, suddenly his emotions weren't written across his face anymore and it unnerved Nino.

Then he smiled. The soft smile Nino had always given him.

“It’s a little too late for that.”

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