With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 10
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, I think.
Summary: Coming up with a plan, and the hardest things to say.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Surprise! Here’s the standard warning of angst. Once again, may I suggest kleenex for this chapter?
A/N 2: Keep an eye out for a bonus chapter this weekend . . .
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Chapter 10
“How do I convince Dom that it’s going to be all right, when I’m not so sure myself?”
Suddenly, the ache in Billy’s chest becomes so strong that he presses his hand over the spot, rubbing as though the touch will ease the pain deep within.
“Being cautious is understandable,” the therapist says gently. “Especially under circumstances as difficult as these.”
“I mean, I’ve met his parents. They seem like very lovely people,” Billy continues. “But considering what I know about Dom’s past, I can’t imagine being a parent and hearing my child tell me these things.”
“You don’t want to give him false hope,” Dr. Tyler replies, nodding her head. “I think that’s wise. The last thing Dom needs is to put even more pressure on himself.”
Brow furrowing, Billy swallows hard before asking, “What are his chances?”
“I think that’s where planning out what he’s going to say is vital. Deciding where the focus is going to land can affect the outcome of the situation. It helps that Dom’s parents know he’s in a very good place now. He’s safe, he’s loved, and he wants to be a part of their lives. It’s quite possible that they have some suspicions already, whether they’ve said them aloud or not.”
“Aye,” Billy agrees. “That makes sense.”
“However, I think Dom needs to be prepared for the best outcome, the worst, as well as something in between.”
“So what, uh, what do we do?” Billy inquires hesitantly.
“We talk to Dom, and see what he wants to do,” Dr. Tyler tells him. “Ultimately, this is his choice.”
“Should I go get him now?”
“I think so. If you’re ready.”
Exhaling heavily, Billy slowly nods. “Okay then.”
Rising from the couch, Billy scrubs his hands over his face as he walks down the hall to the darkened bedroom. As before, the room is dimly lit and quiet, Dom curled up in a ball on Billy’s side of the bed, his face buried in his lover’s pillow. Billy sinks down on the mattress, his small fingers sliding through Dom’s hair in a gentle caress.
“Dommie, love?” Billy whispers, bending down to press a kiss to Dom’s temple. “I need you to wake up.”
“Hmmm?” Dom mumbles as his eyes open to narrow slits, long eyelashes fluttering. “What’s wrong?”
“Dr. Tyler’s here to see you.”
“Ah, shite,” Dom curses softly. “I forgot to cancel my session.”
“What?”
“Never mind,” Dom says, blinking rapidly to bring the room into focus as he pushes himself up onto one elbow. “What’s she doing here?”
“I called her this morning,” Billy explains. “I didn’t think you were up to going out today, so she ended up coming here instead.”
“You told her?”
“Aye,” Billy replies quietly. “I hope that’s all right.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
The emotional weariness is clear in Dom’s eyes as he tries to smile for Billy, only to have it falter almost immediately.
“Are you going to talk to her?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Dom says after a long, quiet moment. “I should get dressed.”
“Do you want to? Get dressed, I mean,” Billy inquires. “I don’t think she’ll mind if you stay in your robe.”
“That sounds pretty good, actually,” Dom admits, rolling onto his back and shifting his legs to push away the coverlet, shivering at the cooler air against his skin.
While Dom works up the energy to stand, Billy retrieves his robe from the closet, holding it in both hands and helping Dom into it when the younger man begins sliding his left arm into the generous sleeve. Swiftly, Dom’s yoga pants and t-shirt are covered by the rich, blue material, and the belt tied in a bow. Billy’s heart aches to see his Dommie this way, and he can’t help sliding an arm around his lover’s waist as they exit the bedroom and make their way to the living room, where Dr. Tyler is waiting.
“Hello Dom,” she offers warmly in greeting, standing up as they enter the room. “I hope you don’t mind that I dropped by.”
“I’m sorry,” he replies in a low voice, then bites down on his lower lip, his normally sparkling eyes downcast.
“Please don’t apologize,” Dr. Tyler requests. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Why don’t we sit down?” Billy suggests, guiding the younger man over to the couch.
Settling in one corner, Billy waits as Dom sinks down beside him, lacing his fingers with Dom’s when he reaches for Billy’s hand. Their bodies are pressed close, and Billy can feel the light tremor that Dom can’t quite suppress. Billy slides one arm along the back of the couch, his fingers slowly petting the fine hair clinging to the nape of Dom’s neck, hoping that it will be of some comfort.
“I don’t have the money to pay for this,” Dom blurts out. “I will pay, I promise. In the meantime, I’ll need to stop the sessions until-”
“Absolutely not,” Billy interjects. “And your sessions for the next three months have already been paid for.”
“What?” Confused, Dom looks to Dr. Tyler for confirmation, his mouth falling open when she nods. “But-”
“You need this, Dommie,” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Please?”
After a long, tense moment, Dom finally nods rigidly before focusing his eyes on the therapist.
“All right then. Billy tells me that you’ve decided to tell your parents about how you survived while you were away from them,” Dr. Tyler begins. “Do you still want to do that?”
“Not really,” Dom replies. “I mean, I know I have to, because not telling them is lying, and I hate lying to them, but-”
“Dom, you don’t have to do this alone. Leaning on others, particularly in times of crisis, is not a weakness,” the therapist continues. “Often times, sharing your pain with someone you trust can help a great deal.”
“But it’s also a burden,” Dom protests weakly. “I’m already so- I mean, I just feel like-”
“I think I can safely speak on Billy’s behalf when I say that you are not a burden,” she adds gently. “To anyone.”
Dom’s tone is flat and defeated as he replies, “Yes, I am.”
“Dommie, please,” Billy begs, drawing the younger man close, holding him to his chest and kissing his hair. “You don’t have to be so brave and strong on your own. Part of being a couple is allowing someone you love to help carry the load, when you can’t do it by yourself. I want to help. I need to help. Please.”
“I know it’s hard, Dom,” Dr. Tyler says quietly. “I know that there’s a lingering doubt in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that if you really let Billy in, you could get hurt again. I know that even allowing those thoughts to cross your mind is making you feel tremendously guilty, because you think you’re betraying Billy. But I’m here to tell you that you’re not.”
The disbelief is clear in Dom’s eyes as he finally looks up to meet the therapist’s caring gaze.
“It’s normal to have doubts, especially with your history,” she continues. “I’m willing to bet that Billy had doubts of his own when you moved in here, not knowing what was going to happen. He knew that he already cared so much for you, but he didn’t know how you felt about him, or what the future would hold.”
Turning to look at Billy, Dom is surprised to discover him nodding in agreement.
“What’s important is that you both have no doubt about one thing: The fact that you love each other.”
“With all my heart,” Billy says softly, leaning in to press a kiss to Dom’s cheek.
Dom’s eyes are glistening brightly as tears threaten to fall, but before they can, Billy gently brushes them from Dom’s long lashes with the pad of his thumb.
“You know I can’t guarantee that telling your parents will go well, and we both know that it’s not going to be easy, but I think having Billy at your side is absolutely vital.”
“I know,” Dom says quietly. “I just feel bad, knowing that they’re probably going to find out about how we met, and that they might think less of him because of it.”
“Dommie-”
“I don’t want that. I want them to love him,” Dom adds fervently.
“Are you concerned that your parents won’t be supportive of your relationship?” Dr. Tyler inquires wisely. “That you would have to choose, them or Billy?”
Dom doesn’t need to answer, for his body is speaking volumes, curling in tighter to Billy’s side, his chin pressed to his chest. It’s clear to Billy this is exactly what Dr. Tyler has warned him about. Dom has taken on the responsibility and accompanying guilt for the way they met, and the first evolution of their relationship.
“Dommie,” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Will you look at me?”
With aching reluctance, Dom lifts his chin, and Billy’s heart breaks at the despair in his lover’s sorrow filled eyes.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Billy says fervently, cupping Dom’s face in his small hands. “I can’t promise many things, but that’s one I can, love.”
“But-”
“If necessary, I’ll prove to your Mum and Dad that I am worthy of the gift of your love,” Billy continues, his eyes beginning to glisten. “I know they may have reservations, and I’m prepared to deal with that.”
“You shouldn’t have to fix my mistakes,” Dom protests softly. “If I hadn’t followed you into the loo at the pub that night-”
“I would’ve missed out on the most extraordinary man I’ve ever met,” Billy interrupts firmly. “The love of my life.”
Stunned into silence, Dom can only stare in wonderment at his lover.
“For as long as there is breath in my body, I will fight for you. For us,” Billy vows. He is unembarrassed by the emotion in his eyes, and the rasp in his voice as he implores Dom to hear him. “For as long as you love me, and want me by your side, I will be there. No matter what.”
“Bills-”
“No matter what,” Billy repeats before dipping his head to brush a kiss to Dom’s long, elegant fingers. “Okay?”
Blinking rapidly, Dom tips his head to one side and leans in, bringing their lips together for a soft, chaste kiss, the first one he’s initiated in quite some time.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Dom whispers when they part. “I really don’t.”
“I ask myself that very question every single day, Dommie,” Billy replies tenderly. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”
Foreheads pressed together, their eyes closed, the lovers are still and quiet for a long, comforting moment, breathing the only sound in the room. Finally, Dom pulls back and turns to look at the therapist as she gazes fondly at the intimate sight before her.
“What’s the first step?” Dom asks, squeezing Billy’s hand and feeling the strength begin to flow through him.
Dr. Tyler smiles and leans forward, ready to offer what support she can to help Dom through this difficult situation.
“You’ve already taken it. Now it’s about finishing that journey.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
It’s two long days and a drive through heavy evening traffic before Billy guides the car to the curb, a short distance down the street from Dom’s childhood home. Shifting the vehicle into park and cutting the engine, Billy sits back and looks over at his lover, his brow furrowing at the heavy quiet hanging in the air between them.
“Dommie?”
“I’m fine,” Dom replies quickly.
Billy arches an eyebrow in disbelief, staring pointedly until Dom looks over at him.
“Okay, I’m, well, managing,” Dom amends. “Is that better?”
“Only if it’s the truth,” Billy says quietly. “You were pretty restless. Didn’t sleep much.”
“Too nervous.”
“Understandably.”
“I’m scared that as soon as we walk in the door, they’re going to see it in my face,” Dom blurts out. “But that’s ridiculous, yeah?”
“I think that’s normal, actually,” Billy replies. “Do you want to call Dr. Tyler?”
“No, I’m all right,” Dom says, a tiny smile flashing across his face. “You’re here with me.”
“Always, Dommie.”
Swallowing hard, Dom takes several deep breaths in an effort to calm his rampaging stomach. When Billy’s fingers begin rubbing slow circles on the back of his hand, Dom exhales and leans over to lay his head on Billy’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth and let you in,” he says quietly. “I thought I was doing the right thing, pushing you away. I just-”
“Shhh, it’s all right, love,” Billy soothes. “I’m-”
“Bills, please,” Dom interrupts. “I need to say this.”
“All right then.”
“I’m sorry,” Dom repeats. “I made a mistake, but I’m going to do better.”
“I know.”
“Is there anything you want to say to me?” Dom asks. “Before we go inside.”
Pursing his lips in thought, Billy takes a long moment to consider Dom’s words, and finally nods.
“Aye, there is.”
“Okay.”
“There's nothing sadder than realizing that the person you love is keeping secrets, when it amounts to hiding their pain from you,” Billy says carefully, his expression free of judgment or condemnation. “I felt like a coward, because I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t force it out of you. I didn’t make you let me help you.”
“Bills-”
“We both made mistakes, but we’ve learned from them, and from now on, we’ll do better,” Billy continues. “I’m so grateful that you wanted me to come with you, because I’ve felt guilty about not telling your parents the truth about us. I don’t feel I’ve earned the praise and gratitude your Mum has given me, but I want to. I want the opportunity to show them.”
“Awww, Bills.” Shifting, Dom sits up to meet Billy’s gaze.
“I’m not a perfect man, but I think I’m a good man,” Billy adds, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. “For the first time in my life, I understand what other people mean when they say they’ve found their soul mate, because that’s what you are to me.”
Eyes wide, Dom can’t force his mouth to form words, his heart pounding against the wall of his chest.
“I love you, and I want to be with you. I’ll do anything to protect that,” Billy finishes, blinking rapidly and smiling gently. “That’s what I wanted you to know before we go inside.”
“I love you, Bills,” Dom whispers, his eyes shining. “With my whole heart.”
“I know that.”
The lovers share a long, tender moment before Billy kisses Dom’s forehead.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
Slowly, Dom nods. “Lets go.”
Within a couple of minutes, their suitcases have been retrieved from the boot of the car, and hand in hand they walk up the path to the front door. The doorbell has barely been pressed when Aureen appears, her smile wide and excited as she welcomes them and gathers Dom close for a tight hug.
Plastering on a smile for his parents’ benefit, Dom manages to appear happy and relaxed as his mother guides the couple inside, urging them to remove their jackets before leading the way upstairs.
“I know you said your old room was fine, but I aired out the guest room, just in case,” she says, pausing on the landing and pointing to the open door. “Are you sure you don’t to use that one?”
“We’re fine, Mum,” Dom replies, squeezing Billy’s hand. “We don’t need much space.”
“All right, but if you change your mind . . .”
“Yes, Mum.”
Leaning over, Dom presses a kiss to Aureen’s cheek, relieved when she smiles and laughs.
“I’ll leave you two to get settled,” she says, stepping back to clear a path to Dom’s bedroom. “I was about to make some tea. Would you like some?”
“That would be lovely,” Billy replies for them both. “Thank you.”
“I’ll see you downstairs.”
With one final smile, Aureen disappears from sight, leaving the couple alone.
“How are you doing, love?” Billy asks softly.
“Okay, so far,” Dom replies then takes a slow, unsteady breath. “It’s hard.”
“What is?”
“She’s so happy,” Dom explains. “Tomorrow she won’t be. And it’ll be because of me.”
“One step at a time, Dommie,” Billy murmurs, sliding his arms around his lover’s slender waist. “Like Dr. Tyler said.”
“Right.”
A few minutes later, they make their way down the narrow staircase to join Aureen and Austin in the lounge, and Dom is grateful that Billy stays close by, talking about the shop to help take the pressure off him to speak. When asked directly, Dom reports on how his A level classes are going, but is relieved when Aureen points out that they’ve had a busy day and suggests they turn in early. The last few days have been emotional and difficult, and Dom is rather tired. The excuse of the long drive is a welcome one, so after saying good night, they retire to Dom’s room, almost falling into bed.
As become habit in recent days, Dom lays curled into Billy’s body, his slender frame covered up by a thin, white t-shirt and navy blue pajama pants, his head nestled against Billy’s chest, with strong arms wrapped around him. Even with Billy holding him close and petting his hair, Dom has trouble falling asleep, the tension making relaxation difficult. In the end, exhaustion finally overtakes him, and Dom succumbs, Billy joining him a short time later. Both men are fast asleep when the door cracks open, more than an hour after they said goodnight, and Aureen peeks in.
While Aureen was all smiles earlier, now a furrow has developed in her brow as she bites down on her lower lip for a moment.
“Aureen,” Austin whispers as he finishes climbing the stairs. “What are you doing?”
Carefully closing the door so the sleeping men won’t be disturbed, Aureen turns to face her husband.
“I was just checking on them,” she replies quietly.
“They’re not going to disappear if you take your eyes off them,” Austin points out. “He’s fine. You don’t have to keep worrying.”
“That’s just it,” Aureen says sadly. “I don’t think things are fine.”
Confused, Austin frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“Something’s wrong,” she replies gravely. “Very, very wrong.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Billy’s small fingers are stroking the nape of Dom’s neck as he rises from the depths of sleep to consciousness, and Dom tilts his head back with his eyes closed, inviting Billy’s kiss. A soft sigh of enjoyment fills the air as their lips meet, and when they part, Dom finally open his eyes.
“’Morning,” Billy says gently. “How did you sleep?”
“All right, considering,” Dom replies. “You?”
“Okay. I sleep better when I’m holding you.”
Briefly, a smile turns up the corner of Dom’s sleepy mouth. “I think I sleep better when you’re holding me.”
“It works out well then,” Billy decides. “Doesn’t it?”
“Lets hope today works out half that good,” Dom adds, his brow furrowing.
“I’ll be right beside you,” Billy vows. “If there’s anything you want me to do, just say the-”
“No, you’re here,” Dom interrupts. “With me. That’s more than I dared to hope for.”
“Oh, Dommie.”
Gathering the younger man tightly to his chest and kissing the top of his head, Billy slides his hand the length of Dom’s spine, saddened by the tremble in his body.
“Dommie-”
“It’s all right,” Dom interrupts, looking up into Billy’s concerned gaze. “I’m okay.”
Dom looks over at the window and slowly exhales before shifting to slip out of Billy’s embrace. As much as he hates to let his young lover go, Billy knows that this day is going to be difficult enough without him adding to Dom’s burdens. He knows what Dom needs, and that’s what Billy will provide, and pray that his nightmares don’t come true.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to shower and dress, but before Dom can exit the bedroom, Billy tugs him close for a tender, lingering kiss.
“I love you,” Billy murmurs quietly. “Just remember that, yeah?”
“I will.” Lacing their fingers together, Dom squeezes and nuzzles his nose against Billy’s freshly shaved cheek. “Thank you.”
“You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
Giving Billy a small, brave smile, Dom finally turns and leads the way downstairs to find his parents, swallowing the hard lump of fear in his throat.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Upon entering the kitchen, Dom spots his mother at the cooker and walks over to her when she eagerly beckons to him.
“Good morning,” she says warmly as she slides an arm around Dom’s waist. “I wasn’t sure whether I should wake you or not, and now here you are. Did you sleep well? Were you comfortable?”
“Good morning,” Billy replies as he takes a seat at the table with Austin, accepting the mug of tea the older man offers. “Yes, and very, to answer your questions. Thank you.”
“Pancakes?” Dom says in disbelief as he looks down at the bowl of batter sitting on the countertop. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” Aureen replies with a smile. “I thought you might like it.”
“You spoil me.”
For a moment, Aureen pauses, her brow furrowing in thought. “Actually, I believe I owe you a few pancake breakfasts, since I missed some birthdays of yours.”
An unexpected wave of emotion washes over Dom and he blinks rapidly to clear his vision, and he isn’t surprised to find his mother dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her apron.
“Mum-”
“That’s all behind us now,” Aureen interjects, smoothing back Dom’s hair and drawing him closer for a hug. “You’ve come back to us, and you’re safe.”
“I am,” Dom agrees.
A moment later, a shadow of doubt darkens Dom’s face, and he can’t help stop himself from averting his expressive eyes.
“Dominic?”
“I think we should sit down,” Dom suggests unsteadily. “I need to talk to you and Dad about some things.”
A breath catches in Aureen’s throat at Dom’s words.
“Are you sick?” she whispers, fresh tears making her eyes glisten.
“No,” Dom replies quickly, looking up to meet his mother’s gaze. “I’m not. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Exchanging a look with Austin that Dom doesn’t quite understand, Aureen takes a seat at the table as per her son’s request, Dom sinking down into his chair next to Billy. Under the table, their hands come together again, and Billy squeezes reassuringly, sliding his other arm around Dom’s slender shoulders to offer further support.
“When I wrote you that letter, back in December, I didn’t know what to expect,” Dom begins quietly. “I didn’t know if you’d even want to see me, and I didn’t know if you’d forgive me, for being so awful to you. I considered the possibility that you might never want anything to do with me again.”
“You’re our son, Dominic,” Aureen says soothingly. “The day your letter arrived- I was so worried about your father. I had just come home from the hospital, and I picked up the mail for the first time in a few days. Your letter was on top, and I recognized your writing.”
“Mum-”
“It was in that moment that I realized my hope and prayers had not been in vain,” Aureen continues, her voice heavy with emotion. “To be perfectly honest, I only scanned the letter until I found the phone number you’d written at the bottom. I had to hear your precious voice to believe that it was really you, and it was after I talked to you that I read your letter, over and over again. I memorized it.”
Pausing to catch her breath and regain control, Aureen unconsciously leans into Austin’s embrace as his hand slides along her shoulder.
“And then the next afternoon, I opened the door and there you were. Here. Back in my arms,” she finishes. “Of course you’re forgiven for what happened. All that matters is that you’re all right.”
“You’re home,” Austin adds.
“What brought this on?” Aureen inquires.
“You didn’t demand any details as to where I was, all that time,” Dom explains. “You didn’t ask how I managed on my own. And I didn’t volunteer the information either.”
“It was so long ago that you left,” Aureen says. “I think we were just grateful that you contacted us, that you were still alive. After a couple of years and no word, I started to consider the worst had happened.”
“You remember, don’t you?” Dom whispers, ducking his head for a moment. “Why we were fighting so much, in the months before I left. It was always about him.”
“Yes,” Aureen replies quietly. “We tried contacting his parents after you disappeared.”
Dom’s eyes widen with surprise. “You did?”
“They couldn’t tell us anything,” Austin interjects. “They didn’t know where their own son was, most of the time.”
Despite everything that had happened, all the arguments and hurtful words, Dom’s parents continued to love him, and had tried to find him. If only Dom had reached out, swallowed his pride and called them, so much could’ve been avoided.
“I followed him,” Dom continues, exhaling heavily at the knowledge that his parents tried to find him, with the only possible lead they had. “I showed up on his doorstep, completely convinced that we were going to be together. That he loved me.” Blinking back tears, Dom adds,” But I was wrong. He’d already found someone else. I was easily replaced, as it turns out. I meant nothing to him.”
“I’m so sorry, Dominic,” Aureen says softly. “I sorry that he hurt you like that.”
“I was too ashamed to call and tell you what I’d done. How wrong I was, after all the times you warned me about him, and how you said he was just using me,” Dom manages to say, sniffing and brushing at his damp eyes. “I didn’t have much money left, so I spent that night sleeping in a doorway not far from the bus station. The next day I sold all the things I’d brought with me. I thought it was rather ironic, that after I’d chosen so carefully, considering what I’d have room to bring, that I brought what was most precious to me, and then had to sell it all so I could afford to eat.”
The pain in Aureen’s eyes at her son’s words cuts Billy to the core of his being, and he cringes internally at how she’s going to react when Dom tells the dark, shameful truth of how he survived.
“I found a cheap flat and got a job at a restaurant, working in the kitchen, but it didn’t pay enough to cover my rent,” Dom continues. “I tried to find other things, I really did. There was nothing.”
“Dominic,” Aureen whispers, leaning across the table, her hand outstretched. “Are you trying to tell us that you were homeless?”
“No,” Dom replies. “It didn’t come to that, though I came close, more than once.”
“Then what did you do?”
“I sold everything I had, trying to get enough money together, but it wasn’t enough, and then I sold the only thing I had left,” Dom says after a long pause. “Myself.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 11
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, I think.
Summary: Coming up with a plan, and the hardest things to say.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Surprise! Here’s the standard warning of angst. Once again, may I suggest kleenex for this chapter?
A/N 2: Keep an eye out for a bonus chapter this weekend . . .
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Chapter 10
“How do I convince Dom that it’s going to be all right, when I’m not so sure myself?”
Suddenly, the ache in Billy’s chest becomes so strong that he presses his hand over the spot, rubbing as though the touch will ease the pain deep within.
“Being cautious is understandable,” the therapist says gently. “Especially under circumstances as difficult as these.”
“I mean, I’ve met his parents. They seem like very lovely people,” Billy continues. “But considering what I know about Dom’s past, I can’t imagine being a parent and hearing my child tell me these things.”
“You don’t want to give him false hope,” Dr. Tyler replies, nodding her head. “I think that’s wise. The last thing Dom needs is to put even more pressure on himself.”
Brow furrowing, Billy swallows hard before asking, “What are his chances?”
“I think that’s where planning out what he’s going to say is vital. Deciding where the focus is going to land can affect the outcome of the situation. It helps that Dom’s parents know he’s in a very good place now. He’s safe, he’s loved, and he wants to be a part of their lives. It’s quite possible that they have some suspicions already, whether they’ve said them aloud or not.”
“Aye,” Billy agrees. “That makes sense.”
“However, I think Dom needs to be prepared for the best outcome, the worst, as well as something in between.”
“So what, uh, what do we do?” Billy inquires hesitantly.
“We talk to Dom, and see what he wants to do,” Dr. Tyler tells him. “Ultimately, this is his choice.”
“Should I go get him now?”
“I think so. If you’re ready.”
Exhaling heavily, Billy slowly nods. “Okay then.”
Rising from the couch, Billy scrubs his hands over his face as he walks down the hall to the darkened bedroom. As before, the room is dimly lit and quiet, Dom curled up in a ball on Billy’s side of the bed, his face buried in his lover’s pillow. Billy sinks down on the mattress, his small fingers sliding through Dom’s hair in a gentle caress.
“Dommie, love?” Billy whispers, bending down to press a kiss to Dom’s temple. “I need you to wake up.”
“Hmmm?” Dom mumbles as his eyes open to narrow slits, long eyelashes fluttering. “What’s wrong?”
“Dr. Tyler’s here to see you.”
“Ah, shite,” Dom curses softly. “I forgot to cancel my session.”
“What?”
“Never mind,” Dom says, blinking rapidly to bring the room into focus as he pushes himself up onto one elbow. “What’s she doing here?”
“I called her this morning,” Billy explains. “I didn’t think you were up to going out today, so she ended up coming here instead.”
“You told her?”
“Aye,” Billy replies quietly. “I hope that’s all right.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
The emotional weariness is clear in Dom’s eyes as he tries to smile for Billy, only to have it falter almost immediately.
“Are you going to talk to her?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Dom says after a long, quiet moment. “I should get dressed.”
“Do you want to? Get dressed, I mean,” Billy inquires. “I don’t think she’ll mind if you stay in your robe.”
“That sounds pretty good, actually,” Dom admits, rolling onto his back and shifting his legs to push away the coverlet, shivering at the cooler air against his skin.
While Dom works up the energy to stand, Billy retrieves his robe from the closet, holding it in both hands and helping Dom into it when the younger man begins sliding his left arm into the generous sleeve. Swiftly, Dom’s yoga pants and t-shirt are covered by the rich, blue material, and the belt tied in a bow. Billy’s heart aches to see his Dommie this way, and he can’t help sliding an arm around his lover’s waist as they exit the bedroom and make their way to the living room, where Dr. Tyler is waiting.
“Hello Dom,” she offers warmly in greeting, standing up as they enter the room. “I hope you don’t mind that I dropped by.”
“I’m sorry,” he replies in a low voice, then bites down on his lower lip, his normally sparkling eyes downcast.
“Please don’t apologize,” Dr. Tyler requests. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Why don’t we sit down?” Billy suggests, guiding the younger man over to the couch.
Settling in one corner, Billy waits as Dom sinks down beside him, lacing his fingers with Dom’s when he reaches for Billy’s hand. Their bodies are pressed close, and Billy can feel the light tremor that Dom can’t quite suppress. Billy slides one arm along the back of the couch, his fingers slowly petting the fine hair clinging to the nape of Dom’s neck, hoping that it will be of some comfort.
“I don’t have the money to pay for this,” Dom blurts out. “I will pay, I promise. In the meantime, I’ll need to stop the sessions until-”
“Absolutely not,” Billy interjects. “And your sessions for the next three months have already been paid for.”
“What?” Confused, Dom looks to Dr. Tyler for confirmation, his mouth falling open when she nods. “But-”
“You need this, Dommie,” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Please?”
After a long, tense moment, Dom finally nods rigidly before focusing his eyes on the therapist.
“All right then. Billy tells me that you’ve decided to tell your parents about how you survived while you were away from them,” Dr. Tyler begins. “Do you still want to do that?”
“Not really,” Dom replies. “I mean, I know I have to, because not telling them is lying, and I hate lying to them, but-”
“Dom, you don’t have to do this alone. Leaning on others, particularly in times of crisis, is not a weakness,” the therapist continues. “Often times, sharing your pain with someone you trust can help a great deal.”
“But it’s also a burden,” Dom protests weakly. “I’m already so- I mean, I just feel like-”
“I think I can safely speak on Billy’s behalf when I say that you are not a burden,” she adds gently. “To anyone.”
Dom’s tone is flat and defeated as he replies, “Yes, I am.”
“Dommie, please,” Billy begs, drawing the younger man close, holding him to his chest and kissing his hair. “You don’t have to be so brave and strong on your own. Part of being a couple is allowing someone you love to help carry the load, when you can’t do it by yourself. I want to help. I need to help. Please.”
“I know it’s hard, Dom,” Dr. Tyler says quietly. “I know that there’s a lingering doubt in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that if you really let Billy in, you could get hurt again. I know that even allowing those thoughts to cross your mind is making you feel tremendously guilty, because you think you’re betraying Billy. But I’m here to tell you that you’re not.”
The disbelief is clear in Dom’s eyes as he finally looks up to meet the therapist’s caring gaze.
“It’s normal to have doubts, especially with your history,” she continues. “I’m willing to bet that Billy had doubts of his own when you moved in here, not knowing what was going to happen. He knew that he already cared so much for you, but he didn’t know how you felt about him, or what the future would hold.”
Turning to look at Billy, Dom is surprised to discover him nodding in agreement.
“What’s important is that you both have no doubt about one thing: The fact that you love each other.”
“With all my heart,” Billy says softly, leaning in to press a kiss to Dom’s cheek.
Dom’s eyes are glistening brightly as tears threaten to fall, but before they can, Billy gently brushes them from Dom’s long lashes with the pad of his thumb.
“You know I can’t guarantee that telling your parents will go well, and we both know that it’s not going to be easy, but I think having Billy at your side is absolutely vital.”
“I know,” Dom says quietly. “I just feel bad, knowing that they’re probably going to find out about how we met, and that they might think less of him because of it.”
“Dommie-”
“I don’t want that. I want them to love him,” Dom adds fervently.
“Are you concerned that your parents won’t be supportive of your relationship?” Dr. Tyler inquires wisely. “That you would have to choose, them or Billy?”
Dom doesn’t need to answer, for his body is speaking volumes, curling in tighter to Billy’s side, his chin pressed to his chest. It’s clear to Billy this is exactly what Dr. Tyler has warned him about. Dom has taken on the responsibility and accompanying guilt for the way they met, and the first evolution of their relationship.
“Dommie,” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Will you look at me?”
With aching reluctance, Dom lifts his chin, and Billy’s heart breaks at the despair in his lover’s sorrow filled eyes.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Billy says fervently, cupping Dom’s face in his small hands. “I can’t promise many things, but that’s one I can, love.”
“But-”
“If necessary, I’ll prove to your Mum and Dad that I am worthy of the gift of your love,” Billy continues, his eyes beginning to glisten. “I know they may have reservations, and I’m prepared to deal with that.”
“You shouldn’t have to fix my mistakes,” Dom protests softly. “If I hadn’t followed you into the loo at the pub that night-”
“I would’ve missed out on the most extraordinary man I’ve ever met,” Billy interrupts firmly. “The love of my life.”
Stunned into silence, Dom can only stare in wonderment at his lover.
“For as long as there is breath in my body, I will fight for you. For us,” Billy vows. He is unembarrassed by the emotion in his eyes, and the rasp in his voice as he implores Dom to hear him. “For as long as you love me, and want me by your side, I will be there. No matter what.”
“Bills-”
“No matter what,” Billy repeats before dipping his head to brush a kiss to Dom’s long, elegant fingers. “Okay?”
Blinking rapidly, Dom tips his head to one side and leans in, bringing their lips together for a soft, chaste kiss, the first one he’s initiated in quite some time.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Dom whispers when they part. “I really don’t.”
“I ask myself that very question every single day, Dommie,” Billy replies tenderly. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”
Foreheads pressed together, their eyes closed, the lovers are still and quiet for a long, comforting moment, breathing the only sound in the room. Finally, Dom pulls back and turns to look at the therapist as she gazes fondly at the intimate sight before her.
“What’s the first step?” Dom asks, squeezing Billy’s hand and feeling the strength begin to flow through him.
Dr. Tyler smiles and leans forward, ready to offer what support she can to help Dom through this difficult situation.
“You’ve already taken it. Now it’s about finishing that journey.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
It’s two long days and a drive through heavy evening traffic before Billy guides the car to the curb, a short distance down the street from Dom’s childhood home. Shifting the vehicle into park and cutting the engine, Billy sits back and looks over at his lover, his brow furrowing at the heavy quiet hanging in the air between them.
“Dommie?”
“I’m fine,” Dom replies quickly.
Billy arches an eyebrow in disbelief, staring pointedly until Dom looks over at him.
“Okay, I’m, well, managing,” Dom amends. “Is that better?”
“Only if it’s the truth,” Billy says quietly. “You were pretty restless. Didn’t sleep much.”
“Too nervous.”
“Understandably.”
“I’m scared that as soon as we walk in the door, they’re going to see it in my face,” Dom blurts out. “But that’s ridiculous, yeah?”
“I think that’s normal, actually,” Billy replies. “Do you want to call Dr. Tyler?”
“No, I’m all right,” Dom says, a tiny smile flashing across his face. “You’re here with me.”
“Always, Dommie.”
Swallowing hard, Dom takes several deep breaths in an effort to calm his rampaging stomach. When Billy’s fingers begin rubbing slow circles on the back of his hand, Dom exhales and leans over to lay his head on Billy’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth and let you in,” he says quietly. “I thought I was doing the right thing, pushing you away. I just-”
“Shhh, it’s all right, love,” Billy soothes. “I’m-”
“Bills, please,” Dom interrupts. “I need to say this.”
“All right then.”
“I’m sorry,” Dom repeats. “I made a mistake, but I’m going to do better.”
“I know.”
“Is there anything you want to say to me?” Dom asks. “Before we go inside.”
Pursing his lips in thought, Billy takes a long moment to consider Dom’s words, and finally nods.
“Aye, there is.”
“Okay.”
“There's nothing sadder than realizing that the person you love is keeping secrets, when it amounts to hiding their pain from you,” Billy says carefully, his expression free of judgment or condemnation. “I felt like a coward, because I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t force it out of you. I didn’t make you let me help you.”
“Bills-”
“We both made mistakes, but we’ve learned from them, and from now on, we’ll do better,” Billy continues. “I’m so grateful that you wanted me to come with you, because I’ve felt guilty about not telling your parents the truth about us. I don’t feel I’ve earned the praise and gratitude your Mum has given me, but I want to. I want the opportunity to show them.”
“Awww, Bills.” Shifting, Dom sits up to meet Billy’s gaze.
“I’m not a perfect man, but I think I’m a good man,” Billy adds, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. “For the first time in my life, I understand what other people mean when they say they’ve found their soul mate, because that’s what you are to me.”
Eyes wide, Dom can’t force his mouth to form words, his heart pounding against the wall of his chest.
“I love you, and I want to be with you. I’ll do anything to protect that,” Billy finishes, blinking rapidly and smiling gently. “That’s what I wanted you to know before we go inside.”
“I love you, Bills,” Dom whispers, his eyes shining. “With my whole heart.”
“I know that.”
The lovers share a long, tender moment before Billy kisses Dom’s forehead.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
Slowly, Dom nods. “Lets go.”
Within a couple of minutes, their suitcases have been retrieved from the boot of the car, and hand in hand they walk up the path to the front door. The doorbell has barely been pressed when Aureen appears, her smile wide and excited as she welcomes them and gathers Dom close for a tight hug.
Plastering on a smile for his parents’ benefit, Dom manages to appear happy and relaxed as his mother guides the couple inside, urging them to remove their jackets before leading the way upstairs.
“I know you said your old room was fine, but I aired out the guest room, just in case,” she says, pausing on the landing and pointing to the open door. “Are you sure you don’t to use that one?”
“We’re fine, Mum,” Dom replies, squeezing Billy’s hand. “We don’t need much space.”
“All right, but if you change your mind . . .”
“Yes, Mum.”
Leaning over, Dom presses a kiss to Aureen’s cheek, relieved when she smiles and laughs.
“I’ll leave you two to get settled,” she says, stepping back to clear a path to Dom’s bedroom. “I was about to make some tea. Would you like some?”
“That would be lovely,” Billy replies for them both. “Thank you.”
“I’ll see you downstairs.”
With one final smile, Aureen disappears from sight, leaving the couple alone.
“How are you doing, love?” Billy asks softly.
“Okay, so far,” Dom replies then takes a slow, unsteady breath. “It’s hard.”
“What is?”
“She’s so happy,” Dom explains. “Tomorrow she won’t be. And it’ll be because of me.”
“One step at a time, Dommie,” Billy murmurs, sliding his arms around his lover’s slender waist. “Like Dr. Tyler said.”
“Right.”
A few minutes later, they make their way down the narrow staircase to join Aureen and Austin in the lounge, and Dom is grateful that Billy stays close by, talking about the shop to help take the pressure off him to speak. When asked directly, Dom reports on how his A level classes are going, but is relieved when Aureen points out that they’ve had a busy day and suggests they turn in early. The last few days have been emotional and difficult, and Dom is rather tired. The excuse of the long drive is a welcome one, so after saying good night, they retire to Dom’s room, almost falling into bed.
As become habit in recent days, Dom lays curled into Billy’s body, his slender frame covered up by a thin, white t-shirt and navy blue pajama pants, his head nestled against Billy’s chest, with strong arms wrapped around him. Even with Billy holding him close and petting his hair, Dom has trouble falling asleep, the tension making relaxation difficult. In the end, exhaustion finally overtakes him, and Dom succumbs, Billy joining him a short time later. Both men are fast asleep when the door cracks open, more than an hour after they said goodnight, and Aureen peeks in.
While Aureen was all smiles earlier, now a furrow has developed in her brow as she bites down on her lower lip for a moment.
“Aureen,” Austin whispers as he finishes climbing the stairs. “What are you doing?”
Carefully closing the door so the sleeping men won’t be disturbed, Aureen turns to face her husband.
“I was just checking on them,” she replies quietly.
“They’re not going to disappear if you take your eyes off them,” Austin points out. “He’s fine. You don’t have to keep worrying.”
“That’s just it,” Aureen says sadly. “I don’t think things are fine.”
Confused, Austin frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“Something’s wrong,” she replies gravely. “Very, very wrong.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Billy’s small fingers are stroking the nape of Dom’s neck as he rises from the depths of sleep to consciousness, and Dom tilts his head back with his eyes closed, inviting Billy’s kiss. A soft sigh of enjoyment fills the air as their lips meet, and when they part, Dom finally open his eyes.
“’Morning,” Billy says gently. “How did you sleep?”
“All right, considering,” Dom replies. “You?”
“Okay. I sleep better when I’m holding you.”
Briefly, a smile turns up the corner of Dom’s sleepy mouth. “I think I sleep better when you’re holding me.”
“It works out well then,” Billy decides. “Doesn’t it?”
“Lets hope today works out half that good,” Dom adds, his brow furrowing.
“I’ll be right beside you,” Billy vows. “If there’s anything you want me to do, just say the-”
“No, you’re here,” Dom interrupts. “With me. That’s more than I dared to hope for.”
“Oh, Dommie.”
Gathering the younger man tightly to his chest and kissing the top of his head, Billy slides his hand the length of Dom’s spine, saddened by the tremble in his body.
“Dommie-”
“It’s all right,” Dom interrupts, looking up into Billy’s concerned gaze. “I’m okay.”
Dom looks over at the window and slowly exhales before shifting to slip out of Billy’s embrace. As much as he hates to let his young lover go, Billy knows that this day is going to be difficult enough without him adding to Dom’s burdens. He knows what Dom needs, and that’s what Billy will provide, and pray that his nightmares don’t come true.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to shower and dress, but before Dom can exit the bedroom, Billy tugs him close for a tender, lingering kiss.
“I love you,” Billy murmurs quietly. “Just remember that, yeah?”
“I will.” Lacing their fingers together, Dom squeezes and nuzzles his nose against Billy’s freshly shaved cheek. “Thank you.”
“You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
Giving Billy a small, brave smile, Dom finally turns and leads the way downstairs to find his parents, swallowing the hard lump of fear in his throat.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Upon entering the kitchen, Dom spots his mother at the cooker and walks over to her when she eagerly beckons to him.
“Good morning,” she says warmly as she slides an arm around Dom’s waist. “I wasn’t sure whether I should wake you or not, and now here you are. Did you sleep well? Were you comfortable?”
“Good morning,” Billy replies as he takes a seat at the table with Austin, accepting the mug of tea the older man offers. “Yes, and very, to answer your questions. Thank you.”
“Pancakes?” Dom says in disbelief as he looks down at the bowl of batter sitting on the countertop. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” Aureen replies with a smile. “I thought you might like it.”
“You spoil me.”
For a moment, Aureen pauses, her brow furrowing in thought. “Actually, I believe I owe you a few pancake breakfasts, since I missed some birthdays of yours.”
An unexpected wave of emotion washes over Dom and he blinks rapidly to clear his vision, and he isn’t surprised to find his mother dabbing at her eyes with the corner of her apron.
“Mum-”
“That’s all behind us now,” Aureen interjects, smoothing back Dom’s hair and drawing him closer for a hug. “You’ve come back to us, and you’re safe.”
“I am,” Dom agrees.
A moment later, a shadow of doubt darkens Dom’s face, and he can’t help stop himself from averting his expressive eyes.
“Dominic?”
“I think we should sit down,” Dom suggests unsteadily. “I need to talk to you and Dad about some things.”
A breath catches in Aureen’s throat at Dom’s words.
“Are you sick?” she whispers, fresh tears making her eyes glisten.
“No,” Dom replies quickly, looking up to meet his mother’s gaze. “I’m not. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Exchanging a look with Austin that Dom doesn’t quite understand, Aureen takes a seat at the table as per her son’s request, Dom sinking down into his chair next to Billy. Under the table, their hands come together again, and Billy squeezes reassuringly, sliding his other arm around Dom’s slender shoulders to offer further support.
“When I wrote you that letter, back in December, I didn’t know what to expect,” Dom begins quietly. “I didn’t know if you’d even want to see me, and I didn’t know if you’d forgive me, for being so awful to you. I considered the possibility that you might never want anything to do with me again.”
“You’re our son, Dominic,” Aureen says soothingly. “The day your letter arrived- I was so worried about your father. I had just come home from the hospital, and I picked up the mail for the first time in a few days. Your letter was on top, and I recognized your writing.”
“Mum-”
“It was in that moment that I realized my hope and prayers had not been in vain,” Aureen continues, her voice heavy with emotion. “To be perfectly honest, I only scanned the letter until I found the phone number you’d written at the bottom. I had to hear your precious voice to believe that it was really you, and it was after I talked to you that I read your letter, over and over again. I memorized it.”
Pausing to catch her breath and regain control, Aureen unconsciously leans into Austin’s embrace as his hand slides along her shoulder.
“And then the next afternoon, I opened the door and there you were. Here. Back in my arms,” she finishes. “Of course you’re forgiven for what happened. All that matters is that you’re all right.”
“You’re home,” Austin adds.
“What brought this on?” Aureen inquires.
“You didn’t demand any details as to where I was, all that time,” Dom explains. “You didn’t ask how I managed on my own. And I didn’t volunteer the information either.”
“It was so long ago that you left,” Aureen says. “I think we were just grateful that you contacted us, that you were still alive. After a couple of years and no word, I started to consider the worst had happened.”
“You remember, don’t you?” Dom whispers, ducking his head for a moment. “Why we were fighting so much, in the months before I left. It was always about him.”
“Yes,” Aureen replies quietly. “We tried contacting his parents after you disappeared.”
Dom’s eyes widen with surprise. “You did?”
“They couldn’t tell us anything,” Austin interjects. “They didn’t know where their own son was, most of the time.”
Despite everything that had happened, all the arguments and hurtful words, Dom’s parents continued to love him, and had tried to find him. If only Dom had reached out, swallowed his pride and called them, so much could’ve been avoided.
“I followed him,” Dom continues, exhaling heavily at the knowledge that his parents tried to find him, with the only possible lead they had. “I showed up on his doorstep, completely convinced that we were going to be together. That he loved me.” Blinking back tears, Dom adds,” But I was wrong. He’d already found someone else. I was easily replaced, as it turns out. I meant nothing to him.”
“I’m so sorry, Dominic,” Aureen says softly. “I sorry that he hurt you like that.”
“I was too ashamed to call and tell you what I’d done. How wrong I was, after all the times you warned me about him, and how you said he was just using me,” Dom manages to say, sniffing and brushing at his damp eyes. “I didn’t have much money left, so I spent that night sleeping in a doorway not far from the bus station. The next day I sold all the things I’d brought with me. I thought it was rather ironic, that after I’d chosen so carefully, considering what I’d have room to bring, that I brought what was most precious to me, and then had to sell it all so I could afford to eat.”
The pain in Aureen’s eyes at her son’s words cuts Billy to the core of his being, and he cringes internally at how she’s going to react when Dom tells the dark, shameful truth of how he survived.
“I found a cheap flat and got a job at a restaurant, working in the kitchen, but it didn’t pay enough to cover my rent,” Dom continues. “I tried to find other things, I really did. There was nothing.”
“Dominic,” Aureen whispers, leaning across the table, her hand outstretched. “Are you trying to tell us that you were homeless?”
“No,” Dom replies. “It didn’t come to that, though I came close, more than once.”
“Then what did you do?”
“I sold everything I had, trying to get enough money together, but it wasn’t enough, and then I sold the only thing I had left,” Dom says after a long pause. “Myself.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 11