With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 5
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, maybe.
Summary: A bad day, new challenges, and couple trouble, thanks to a walk down memory lane.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: We’re moving into some angst. While I don’t think you need kleenex for this chapter, I’d make sure it’s not too far away.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
Chapter 5
Blowing softly at a shelf to clear away the fine particles of dust that have gathered before sliding a thick, heavy book onto the shelf, Billy glances at his watch as he bends down to grab a cloth. It’s almost closing time and Dom should’ve been home a while ago.
“Mark?” he calls to the younger man.
Poking his head out of the small stock room next to the stairs, Mark replies, “Yeah?”
“You haven’t seen Dom, have you?”
Shaking his head, Mark doesn’t miss the concern in Billy’s eyes and silently walks over to the back door. Opening it a few inches and peering outside, Mark then calls over his shoulder, “Car is here. He must’ve come in and gone upstairs during that rush a while back. Or maybe he’s out running an errand or something.”
Confused as to why Dom wouldn’t tell either of them that he was home, Billy thinks for a moment and then makes a decision.
“Mark-”
“Go on,” Mark interjects with an understanding smile. “I’ll lock up.”
Shooting Mark a grateful look, Billy drops the dust cloth to the box at his feet. “Thank you.”
Hurrying up the stairs, his mind racing with worry and unpleasant scenarios as to what could’ve happened to his lover, Billy quickly searches the kitchen and living room before walking down the hall, checking the guest room along the way to the bedroom. As he crosses the threshold, the music in the shop below is switched off, throwing the room into a strange silence. Their bed is empty and untouched, but then Billy spots Dom’s backpack sitting on the floor next to his night stand. Clearly, Dom was here at some point this afternoon, but where has he gone?
Frowning in thought as he crosses the room towards the bed, Billy pauses in mid step when he hears a muffled sound behind him. Billy spins on his heel, searching for the source, finally noticing that the loo door is closed halfway. Quickly walking over to the door, he nudges it open with his toes, just enough so that he can look inside. When he finally locates the younger man, Billy’s heart sinks at the troubling sight before him.
Stretched out in the bathtub, a smattering of bubbles floating on the surface, the water is touching the bottom of Dom’s crooked jaw as he stares aimlessly at the far wall. His mind is clearly somewhere else, as evidenced by his bloodshot eyes and the dampness on his cheeks, that most definitely didn’t come from the cooling bath water. Today’s therapy session was apparently very painful, and Dom is now searching for comfort in happier memories, like when they took a romantic bath together on Valentine’s day. Judging by the misery in his expression, Dom’s been unsuccessful thus far in finding that comfort.
“Dommie?” Billy says softly as he steps through the doorway, closing the distance between them and sinking down to his knees beside the bathtub.
Jolting up in surprise at the sound of Billy’s tender lilt, Dom quickly wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand before meeting Billy’s concerned gaze.
“You scared me,” he says hoarsely, attempting to plaster on a smile. “Guess I lost track of time. It’s my night to cook, isn’t it? Better get up and make some din-”
“Stop,” Billy interrupts gently. “Don’t even try to fool me. You’re all soggy, love.”
Reaching over, Billy grabs a box of tissues and pulls a few out before wiping away the remainder of the salty tears lingering on Dom’s wet cheeks. Watching as Dom lowers his head in silent shame, Billy then presses the soft tissue to his squashed up nose.
“Blow.”
Once Dom has complied, Billy tosses the wad of used tissues in the bin next to the toilet before he reaches into the water, wincing at the cool temperature as he laces their fingers together.
“You’re all pruney,” Billy comments after inspecting Dom’s long, normally elegant fingers, the tips stained with chipped black varnish. “Lets get you out of here before you start to grow webbed feet, yeah?”
Nodding miserably, Dom obeys, saying nothing as Billy pulls the stopper at the bottom of the bathtub before helping him to his feet and then wrapping his slender body up in a fluffy towel. Smoothing back Dom’s damp hair and cupping his face, Billy tenderly places a soft kiss to each cheek and then his down turned mouth.
“C’mon, Dommie,” he requests gently as he leads the way out of the loo and into the bedroom.
Before Dom can say a word, Billy pulls back the coverlet and sheet, guiding the younger man into bed after lightly rubbing the towel over his skin, discarding the damp towel and tossing it over to the chair in the corner.
“Bad day?” Billy asks, once he’s heeled off his shoes and stretched out next to Dom, cuddling his lover close, tucking his dark blonde head under his chin.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Not pressing Dom for details, Billy simply holds him, petting his hair and stroking his back, tucking the coverlet snugly around his lithe body to ensure that he stays warm and as comfortable as possible.
“I told her about the party,” Dom says finally, so quietly that Billy can barely hear him. “What he did to me. All of it.”
“Oh, Dommie. I’m so sorry, love,” Billy murmurs gently, his chest aching at the searing pain rolling off Dom’s slender shoulders in waves.
“I-” Dom tries to speak, but a violent shudder ripples through his body, stealing the sound.
“Shhh,” Billy whispers soothingly. “It’s all right. You don’t have to talk.”
“Can we stay like this for a while?” Dom asks in a small voice.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Billy vows, kissing Dom’s forehead and rubbing the muscles in his tense shoulders. “I’ll be right here.”
To Billy’s surprise, Dom doesn’t break down into heartbroken tears like before, but instead curls into Billy’s body as tightly as possible, and eventually is lulled off to sleep by Billy’s soothing touch. While the younger man dozes, Billy continues stroking his bare back and pressing feathery kisses to his hair. Nearly half an hour passes, and then Dom’s stomach growls rather insistently, informing Billy that he likely didn’t have very much to eat today. For over a month now, Billy has been suspicious regarding Dom’s eating habits on therapy days as well as the ones that follow, and with Dom cuddled close, Billy decides to take matters into his own hands.
Carefully reaching over to the night stand, taking extra care to not disturb Dom, Billy picks up the cordless phone and places an order for takeaway to be delivered from a Chinese restaurant that he knows is one of Dom’s favorites. Just over twenty minutes later, Billy hears a car pull up to the back door and the engine cut off. When Billy shifts, attempting to slide out from under Dom’s limp weight, the other man stiffens and then his eyes flutter open.
“Bills?” he rasps weakly.
“Takeaway from Wong’s is here,” Billy replies, giving Dom a small smile and kissing the tip of his nose. “I’ll be right back.”
Dom rolls onto his back and watches Billy hurry out of the room, the palm of his hand resting on his stomach. He can feel it churning and knows he should eat, but right now, Dom would rather go to the dentist. Twice. The fact that Billy ordered from his favorite Chinese restaurant is more than enough evidence that Billy is doing everything he can to ensure that Dom eats something. The chances of Dom escaping dinner has just fallen to zero.
Kicking back the coverlet with a heavy sigh, Dom rises and is rummaging in the bureau when Billy returns, his arms cradling a brown paper bag.
“What are you doing?” Billy asks.
“Getting dressed. What does it look like?” Dom replies dryly and more sharply that he intends as he tugs a pair of pajama pants up over his narrow hips. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Are you cold?”
“No, I just-”
“We’re eating in bed,” Billy announces, setting the bag of food on the night stand for a few moments while he unzips his trousers and unbuttons his shirt.
Watching with wide eyes as Billy strips down to his boxers and crawls onto the mattress, Dom walks over to the edge of the bed when Billy beckons to him.
“C’mere, Dommie,” Billy says to him as he pats the space next to him. “Please?”
Quietly obeying, Dom stretches out alongside his lover, not protesting when Billy’s arm slips around his shoulders and he kisses Dom’s hair.
“I got all you favorites,” Billy adds softly. “Your tummy was growling while you were sleeping.”
“I’m not really hungry, Bills,” Dom protests faintly. “I just-”
“I’ll make you a deal. For each bite of food you have, I’ll give you a kiss,” Billy proposes, pulling Dom closer with a gentle squeeze.
“That’s blackmail,” Dom accuses, his brow furrowing.
“Aye, it is,” Billy readily agrees. “But I think it just might work.”
“You know how much I love your kisses,” Dom adds with an unmistakable pout.
“Aye, because I love yours just as much.”
“Can I get the kisses in advance?” Dom asks hopefully.
“Not a chance,” Billy replies with a fond smile.
“Not even one?”
“Okay,” Billy concedes, gazing at Dom tenderly. “One.”
Tipping up Dom’s chin with one hand, Billy brings their mouths together for a soft, warm exchange, their tongues touching briefly.
“Have I succeeded?” Billy murmurs when they part. “Can I tempt you into eating?”
“Open the food. I can smell the garlic spare ribs.”
True to his word, for every mouthful that Dom chews and swallows, from chicken fried rice to shanghai noodles to the afore mentioned ribs, Billy lavishes him with a variety of lush kisses, ranging from soft and tender nibbling exchanges to deep, wet, passionate clinches that leave both men breathless. Never once does Billy attempt to move them beyond kisses, to something more involved, more intimate, knowing that isn’t what Dom needs right now. Not tonight. The food Billy ordered is nearly gone when he parts Dom’s swollen lips and teases the sensitive spot under his tongue before giving his pouty lower lip a long, slow suck.
“What do I have to eat for you to do that again?” Dom ask unsteadily, his eyes dark with arousal.
“Not a thing. That was to remind you of how much I love you,” Billy replies as he cuddles Dom closer.
“What would I do without you?” Dom muses, not even aware that he’s spoken aloud.
“You’re never going to have to find out,” Billy vows. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Sinking into Billy’s strong and loving embrace, Dom presses his cheek to his lover’s furry chest.
“Good.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Knocking on the Student Advisors’ office door, Dom glances at the message clutched in his hand, wondering what he’s done wrong to warrant being summoned to her office in such a manner. Have his grades slipped, despite his efforts to the contrary? Has someone discovered what he was, and reported him? Is he going to be asked to leave? When a female voice calls out, inviting him to enter, Dom swallows hard and then turns the door knob.
“Hi Mary-Ann. You wanted to see me?” he says, hoping he doesn’t appear as terrified as he feels.
“C’mon in, Dom,” the Advisor requests. “I wanted to talk to you for a minute.”
“Is there a problem?” Dom asks around the lump in his throat, sinking into the chair in front of the desk.
“No, not at all. I wanted to discuss your future.”
Utterly confused, Dom nods for her to continue. “Uh, okay.”
“Specifically, I’m curious as to why I haven’t seen an application to uni from you come across my desk,” Mary-Ann says pointedly.
“What?”
“You’re going to have your A levels completed very soon, and I was under the impression that you were going to continue your education,” she adds. “You’re a smart young man, and I think you have much more to offer. I really don’t think you should stop now, not while you’ve got the momentum going.”
Reaching into a drawer, the older woman produces a thick envelope with Dom’s name on it.
“Take these home. Read them over carefully,” Mary-Ann says as Dom accepts the package. “There’s an application form in there. I strongly recommend that you fill it out.
“Okay. I’ll look at it,” Dom promises, conveniently not agreeing to anything beyond that.
“If you have any questions, my door is always open.”
“I, uh, I better get to class,” Dom says as he rises awkwardly to his feet, sliding the envelope into his backpack. “Oh, and thanks.”
“Think about, Dom. I really mean it.”
“Okay.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Enjoying a rare break from school as his last class of the day has been canceled and rescheduled to later in the week, Dom steps out of the car behind the book shop and glances at his watch. Billy won’t be expecting him for over an hour, and Dom’s mind is troubled, old memories replaying, causing questions to form. Making a decision, Dom locks his backpack in the boot of the car and tucks the keys in the front pocket of his blue jeans before beginning to walk.
At first, Dom only plans to go to the park, sit under the trees and watch the clouds roll by, but within a few minutes, Dom finds himself walking in the very opposite direction, towards a familiar street, one that he hasn’t been to in nearly six months. The street and corner that he once called home.
Pausing in front of the run down, dingy building that he once lived in, Dom looks up for a long moment at the window of his flat, recalling that horrible night, where desperation led him to the choice that nearly cost him his life. Had he not been left for dead, he never would’ve found love with Billy, or been reunited with his beloved parents.
Instead, they would’ve had to mourn him, knowing what their youngest son became. And Billy. Never could Dom have imagined to feel so much love from another person, to be cared for so tenderly and cherished. From the moment they met, Billy was kind, their encounters giving Dom a welcome reprieve from the bleakness of his existence.
If Billy hadn’t become a part of of Dom’s life, nothing in the last six months would’ve happened. He would’ve died alone, never having experienced-
“Dom?”
Coming back to himself, Dom looks towards the voice, recognizing it, but unable to place it right away. When their eyes meet, the memories come flooding back.
“Eric.”
“Holy fuck,” he whispers in awe. “It is you.”
Tentatively, a young man about Dom’s age, with striking blue eyes and white blonde hair reaches out, laying his fingers on Dom’s arm, as though needing reassurance that he’s not seeing things.
“I thought you were dead,” he adds, taking a step closer. “I hadn’t seen you for a few days, so I went by your flat to check on you. Somebody else was there, and all your stuff was gone.”
It suddenly dawns on Dom that despite his antisocial tendencies while in this degrading life, others like him would’ve noticed his disappearance. In the nearly four years that he lived here, more working boys than Dom liked to count had vanished, some reappearing a day or so later with angry bruises or painful looking wounds. Those were the lucky ones. Some were lost, overdosing on the addictive poison they shot into their veins, a dangerous attempt to escape the pain of their miserable existence. Others had disappeared completely, without warning, and it was never a happy ending.
“I left in a hurry,” Dom says finally, realizing that Eric is looking at him expectantly, wanting to know what happened. “Unplanned.”
“You looked really fucking bad, that last night that I saw you,” Eric continues, brow furrowed with memories. “I saw you walk off with some bloke with an umbrella, and then you just vanished. I checked the newspapers, asked around, but nobody had seen you.”
Recalling that he rarely left Billy’s flat those first few weeks, and that he wouldn’t likely have been recognized, as he was always bundled up in Billy’s jacket and scarf when he did venture outdoors, Dom nods. “I got into some trouble.”
“What happened? I mean, I barely recognized you. If I’d walked by you on the street, other than this one, I never would’ve-”
“Thanks,” Dom replies awkwardly, feeling pangs of guilt that he’s healthy and happy while others like him are still out there. “I got lucky, you might say.”
“Now there’s an interesting choice of words,” Eric remarks with a wry smile. “Where are you working these days?”
“I’m not,” Dom corrects. “I got out.”
“Out? You mean-”
“Yeah. A good mate of mine made me an offer, and I couldn’t say no.”
“That was the trouble?” Eric asks in confusion.
“No, he was the one who took care of me after I got into trouble,” Dom explains. “He saved my life.”
Noticing the sparkle of happiness in Dom’s eyes as he speaks of his ‘mate’ and the circumstances of his departure, Eric’s curiosity is raised even further.
“Sounds like it was pretty bad,” Eric says. “What happened, I mean.”
“It was, but I’m lucky,” Dom replies with a soft sigh. “I’m all right. I’m fine now.”
“So what are you doing? Another restaurant job?”
“I’m going for my A levels, actually. Thinking about uni.”
“Really?” Eric asks in surprise, one eyebrow arching.
“Yeah. I’ve even seen my parents,” Dom reveals. “Took a trip up to Manchester just after Christmas, and they came down a few months ago.”
Eric frowns. “You told them?”
“No. They were so happy to see me that they didn’t ask too many questions,” Dom corrects gently. “While were on the subject, do you know that book shop over by the park? Boyd’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I work there, part time,” Dom says. “So if you need to find me, or whatever. If I’m not there, you can leave a message.”
“Okay.”
Glancing at his watch, Dom shifts from one foot to the other. It’s getting late, and he should return to the shop before he’s missed. “I should go.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Drawing Eric close for a short hug, Dom forces back the excess moisture in his eyes.
“You be careful, yeah?” he says softly.
“Always try to.”
“Bye.”
Waving as Dom starts to walk away, Eric inhales sharply when a thought pops into his mind.
“Hey Dom?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t, uh, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Cory, have you?” Eric asks hesitantly. “Nobody’s seen or heard from him in almost a week.”
Memories crashing in, Dom remembers the boy who was beaten and left in an alley after he and his customer had finished their business. Cory was new to the street at that time, and a particularly vicious bastard had gotten ahold of him. Bruised ribs, a bloody nose and an angry gash above his left eye were tended to in Dom’s loo before he reluctantly accepted Dom’s offer of the couch, since he adamantly refused the mattress.
Despite Dom’s urgings, Cory only spent one night there, safe from the elements, and was back on the street the next afternoon, working to make up for the money he lost. That incident hardened him, and the sweetness in Cory’s demeanor began to fade after that. The last time Dom saw him, he was terribly thin, the telltale marks on the insides of his arms explaining where his money went now.
Shaking his head sadly, Dom replies, “No, I haven’t. Sorry. But if I hear anything, I’ll-”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks. Bye.”
Pain twists like a hot blade in Dom’s chest and stomach as he watches Eric cross the street and take his place at his usual corner, waiting for his next customer. Until recently, that was the extent of Dom’s existence, and when he escaped, he forgot about the ones left behind. The ones who weren’t rescued and shown that there was another way.
The pain has lessened to a dull, throbbing ache by the time Dom arrives at the car parked behind the book shop. Opening the boot and retrieving his back pack, Dom takes a few deep breaths to settle himself as he locks up the car, then plasters on a smile before opening the back door to the book shop and walking inside to where Billy is waiting for him.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Several hours later, Dom is laying on the couch in the living room, fingers laced over his flat stomach, looking up at the ceiling, the only light coming from the kitchen as Dom has turned out the table lamps. The lack of light fits his mood, as he’s been unable to think about anything except his walk this afternoon and his conversation with Eric.
Of all the emotions he’s experienced since leaving his old life behind, the one that surprises Dom most is the guilt now rolling over him in waves, refusing to give him a moments peace. Looking at Eric today, trapped in a vicious circle of desperation and shame, Dom wonders what makes him any better than Eric. He was lucky, meeting Billy, who facilitated his escape, but other than that, what makes Dom anymore deserving of a new life?
Although Eric never said it out loud, the envy was there, bubbling just beneath the surface. Of course, why wouldn’t he be? Dom knows that he looks healthier than he has in years, and he’s happier, most of the time, anyway. Knowing that you narrowly escaped death would cheer anyone up, but now Dom can’t shake the heavy weight of guilt, wondering if there’s someone out there, right now, who is more deserving.
Why him? What makes him so special?
Dom is yanked from his troubled thoughts by the sound of Billy’s footsteps moving up the stairs towards him, accompanied by cheerful whistling. The book shop is closed for the night, and Dom can no longer hide from Billy, under the guise of homework. Although he’s not quite sure why he does it, Dom quickly closes his eyes and focuses on making his breathing deep and even, as though he’s fast asleep.
It’s not like Billy will press him to talk about anything that he doesn’t want to, but Dom can’t bear to see the disappointment in his lover’s eyes when Dom shuts him out once again. Would Billy understand the guilt he’s feeling? The last thing Dom wants is to appear ungrateful. That would certainly hurt Billy. It’s easier to appear asleep, until he can figure out what to do, and hope that Billy doesn’t disturb him for a while. It’s a little white lie. What can it hurt? Isn’t it better to spare Billy’s feelings this way?
By the time Billy enter the living room Dom appears to be sleeping, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, hands loose and relaxed on his belly. Smiling fondly at the sight before him, Billy stands motionless for a few moments, just watching his lover at peace. With all his troubles of late, it’s good to see that things seem to be improving a wee bit, if only temporarily. Getting rest will give Dom the strength to continue with therapy, and work through the issues that are causing his sleepless nights. Having Dom healthy and happy is all that matters.
When Dom inhales sharply and shifts ever so slightly, Billy refocuses his attention on the younger man. Billy is helpless to resist the allure of his lover, and is drawn closer to Dom, sinking down to his knees before smoothing Dom’s hair off his forehead in a tender caress. There is no change in Dom’s breathing as he continues to doze, and unable to stop himself, Billy leans over, pressing his lips to Dom’s. It’s a feathery touch at first, the second kiss slightly more passionate, the tip of Billy’s pointy tongue gently tracing the seam of Dom’s relaxed mouth.
Using all of his strength to prevent himself from flinching, Dom’s mind races to come up with a solution. When he opens his eyes, Billy will know that something is wrong, and he’ll be hurt. Somehow, Dom has to prevent that from happening. As Billy brings their mouths together for a third kiss, an idea comes to Dom, and he dives it before he can change his mind.
Eyes closed, Dom’s lips part, inviting Billy into the honey-sweet depths, their tongues tangling and hot breath caressing each others cheeks.
“Careful,” Dom whispers secretively when they part briefly for oxygen.
“Why?” Billy asks, nibbling on the pouty curve of Dom’s lower lip.
“My boyfriend is right downstairs,” Dom adds as the fingers of one hand weave through Billy’s ginger hair. “We have to be quiet, or he’ll catch us.”
“What!?!” Billy cries out in shock, unable to believe his ears. “What the bloody hell are you-”
Finally opening his eyes and smiling cheekily, Dom hopes with all his heart that Billy will be distracted enough not to notice the sadness that he can’t hide.
“Gotcha.”
Jaw dropping open, Billy wrinkles his nose, and then as his eyes narrow, his small fingers begin dancing over Dom’s ribs deftly, tickling him relentlessly as punishment for tricking him. Wriggling and bucking in an attempt to dislodge Billy’s hands, laughter bubbles up in Dom’s throat, and relief washes over over him, along with the realization that he’s been successful. It’s a lie, Dom doesn’t deny it, but it’s a kind lie. Why should Billy have to be sad, too? It’s not his fault. This is not his mess to clean up. It’s Dom’s and Dom’s alone. It wouldn’t be fair to Billy.
Redoubling his efforts, Billy almost giggles as Dom tries another tactic to get relief from the hands as Billy mercilessly tickles the younger man. Their lips meeting in fast, wet kisses, Billy moans when Dom thrusts his tongue deep into his mouth, and then they are tumbling to the floor in a tangle of limbs and laughter.
At first, Dom is on top, but when he tries to squirm away from his lover’s tormenting fingers, Billy rolls them over, trapping Dom beneath him. The urge is there, to continue to tickle Dom until he begs for mercy, but one look at Dom’s long eyelashes and swollen mouth changes Billy’s mind. While one hand cups Dom’s slender hip, the other moves higher, fingers sliding through Dom’s dark blonde hair as their lips meet in tender kisses.
There is a brief moment where Billy opens his eyes, catching a flash of something odd in Dom’s expression, but then Dom parts his knees, long fingers caressing the curve of Billy’s arse. Moaning into Dom’s mouth, Billy rocks his hips forward, rubbing their growing erections together in a lazy rhythm as their lips meet and part in sensuous, unhurried exchanges. For long minutes they lay wrapped in each others arms, just being close, enjoying each others touch. Eventually, Billy slows the kisses until they finally stop, his head dropping down, forehead pressed to Dom’s slender shoulder.
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” Dom asks breathlessly, panting lightly into the side of Billy’s flushed neck.
“Aye.”
“Hey, Bills?”
“Aye?”
“Unless you want to starve tonight,” Dom says with a soft smile, “I need to get up and make dinner.”
“We could order takeaway,” Billy suggests hopefully. “Thai?”
“I really should cook up that beef I pulled out of the freezer, actually,” Dom replies. “Don’t want it to go to waste.”
“Okay.”
Reluctantly rolling off of Dom, Billy watches Dom rise to his feet and tug his shirt down, smoothing the rumpled fabric as he disappears into the kitchen.
While Dom was playful and teasing, Billy can’t get the fleeting look in Dom’s eyes out of his mind. In all honesty, Billy would’ve quite happily starved it it meant he and Dom spent the time in bed, but it’s not like he expects Dom to always be in the mood for sex.
It’s that look. Fear? Not of Billy, but something, just beneath the surface.
Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Billy listens to Dom move about the kitchen, humming ‘Happy Together’ under his breath. Nothing out of the ordinary there. It appears that everything is completely normal, but that’s of little comfort.
The nagging feeling is still with Billy hours later, when it’s after midnight and Dom is fast asleep beside him. After dinner, Dom had disappeared into the guest room to work on a report for school, the soft, rhythmic clicking of keystrokes on his laptop the only sound coming from the room. It’s normal. Routine. Once he’d finished for the night, Dom brushed his teeth and washed his face before crawling into bed and settling into Billy’s side, their limbs entwining as usual. They’d shared a warm, tender kiss and exchanged ‘goodnight’s’ before turning off the lights.
That was nearly an hour ago.
Over that time, Dom has slowly been pulling away, separating their bodies, and Billy can’t tell if Dom is pretending to be asleep, or if he’s just restless again, unable to control the need to move. Either way, they began the night in each others arms, and now there is a growing divide between them. Shifting on the mattress and mumbling under his breath, Dom suddenly rolls to his right, onto his side, presenting his back to Billy. Curling up into a tight ball, and nuzzling his cheek into the the pillow, Dom finally quiets, his body still at last.
It seems that Dom really is asleep and has found a comfortable position. Part of Billy is disappointed that Dom pulled away, but knowing that Dom is resting peacefully helps to ease his mind. Rolling onto his side as well, facing Dom’s back, Billy closes his eyes and finally surrenders to sleep, deciding that he’s overreacting. Dom’s all right. He’s just adjusting.
It’s only when Billy’s snoring, a delicate, soft whistling sound floating on the night air, that Dom opens his eyes, staring out into the darkness. In keeping his word to not sneak out of their bed, Dom lays quietly, occasionally biting down on his lower lip and blinking rapidly. Every time Dom closes his eyes, Eric’s face flashes in his mind, adding to the guilt twisting in his belly. Dom can’t help thinking that he should’ve done something. Offered Eric some money? It’s unlikely he would’ve taken it, his pride larger than his desperation. What else could he have done? It’s not like he could offer Eric a place to stay - the flat isn’t his, it’s Billy’s. Everything is Billy’s, right down to the bed he is currently lying in. Burying his face in his pillow, Dom lets his tears fall.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
“You look exhausted,” Dr. Tyler comments, her brow furrowed with concern. “What’s going on?”
“I went for a walk,” Dom replies miserably, hugging his knees to his chest, his sock covered toes moving restlessly against the patterned upholstery of the couch.
“I’m afraid I’m going to need a little bit more information, Dom,” Dr. Tyler prods. “A walk where? When?”
“A few days ago.” Pausing, Dom frowns in thought. “I don’t even know why I did it.”
“It?”
“I was going to go to the park,” Dom continues, not even aware that Dr. Tyler has spoken. “Billy and I used to go there, back when I was so sick. We’d walk and look at the trees. He was so attentive, but trying so hard not to crowd me. It felt nice, having someone look out for me.”
“Where did you go?” Dr. Tyler asks softly, her head tilting to one side.
“I forgot,” Dom confesses. “Thanks to Billy, I got out, but they were left behind. And I forgot about them.”
“You went back to your old neighborhood,” Dr. Tyler realizes.
“What makes me anymore deserving than them?” Dom asks, his tone hard and eyes full of pain. “Why do I feel so guilty for leaving them behind?”
Burying his face in his hands behind his knees, Dom swallows the scream lodged in his throat, his body trembling violently. He doesn’t notice when Dr. Tyler slides closer, her hand coming to rest gently on his shoulder, rubbing back and forth in an attempt at comfort. Drawing in several ragged breaths, Dom finally looks up again.
“What have I done to be worthy of a chance to start over, when so many others don’t?”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Rinsing away the remains of the minty toothpaste in the basin, Dom rolls his shoulders backwards and then forwards in an attempt to loosen the tense muscles in his back and neck. Yesterday’s therapy session resulted in a restless and almost entirely sleepless night, and Dom’s getting the feeling that tonight is going to be a repeat of that, unless he can find a way to change it somehow.
Opening the medicine cabinet above the basin, Dom idly scans the shelves, not quite sure what he’s looking for, if anything at all. He has no idea how long he’s been standing there when Billy slides his arms around his waist and rests his chin lightly on Dom’s shoulder.
“Do you want to try a sleeping pill?” Billy asks gently.
Wrinkling his nose, Dom shrugs and makes a noncommittal sound.
“You don’t have to,” Billy murmurs soothingly, drawing Dom back a few inches, cradling him tenderly and rubbing a slow circle on the younger man’s flat stomach. “But I know you didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“How can I be so tired and still not be able to sleep?” Dom replies wearily, tipping his head back and tilting it one side, inadvertently pressing their slightly scruffy cheeks together. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s why I thought of the sleeping pill,” Billy continues, swaying Dom back and forth ever so gently, hoping the movement will help relax him. “Just for tonight.”
“I don’t know,” Dom says softly, his brow furrowing in thought, the urge to pull away from Billy’s embrace gnawing at him, feeling unworthy of his comfort. “I hate pills.”
“I know, love, but you can’t go another night like this.”
“I just want to sleep. I need to be able to focus at school,” Dom adds. “I have two exams next week and I don’t want Mark to cover anymore of my shifts like he did today.”
“How about half of a pill?” Billy suggests. “Just a little something to help you drift off. You won’t be groggy in the morning then. I’ve done that a couple of times when I’ve had a hard time falling asleep.”
“Okay,” Dom agrees. “Just half.”
“All right.”
Gently releasing Dom and stepping around him, Billy quickly grabs a bottle from the top shelf, taps out a single tablet onto the countertop and divides it into two sections with a plastic pill splitter.
“You’ve done this before,” Dom comments wryly.
“Some nights are hard for me, too,” Billy replies quietly as he lays the pill fragment in the palm of Dom’s outstretched hand.
“Viggo?” Dom asks, watching Billy’s eyes closely.
“And my parents. Their birthdays. Anniversary.”
Filling a glass halfway with cold water, Billy passes it to Dom watches as he swallows it down with the sleeping pill.
“Thanks, Bills.”
“You’re welcome. Do you want to take a shower? Or a bath?” Billy inquires. “I can make you some tea.”
“No thanks. I just want to go to bed,” Dom replies wearily. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Okay.”
As it has become habit when his therapy sessions are troubling him, Dom is dressed in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms when he slides beneath the coverlet and lays his weary head on the pillow. For whatever reason, Dom feels the need to cover up, and Billy has not mentioned it to him, since Dom has not volunteered to discuss it. In the beginning, it took one or two days, and then Dom would be back to himself, snuggling into Billy in the morning before the alarm went off, sliding his hands over intimate places, parting his knees and inviting Billy into the velvet clench of his lithe body.
Their lovemaking is always slow and tender on those mornings, Billy cradling his young lover as if he were made of glass, reaffirming their connection, not just physically, but emotionally as well. As much as Billy loves those mornings, being able to share their bodies and give Dom pleasure, there is a bittersweetness to it as well, because he knows Dom’s happiness will likely be short-lived. Once he partakes in yet another therapy session, the cycle will being again. And again.
Not for the first time, Billy wonders about the wisdom in asking Dom to consider therapy, as it seems to be making things worse, not better. The fact that they haven’t been intimate in five days now, only increases the doubt in Billy’s mind. Every day that passes it feels as though Dom is pulling further away, causing Billy to feel more helpless and guilty. If only he knew what to do, how to ease Dom’s pain. That would make all the difference.
Gazing down at Dom as he finally drops into a heavy sleep, nearly an hour after climbing into bed, Billy frowns in concern. Exactly like last night, Dom is restless and uneasy, the aftereffects of his latest therapy session still lingering, despite the partial sleeping pill to help quiet his troubled thoughts. Whatever it is that Dom is dealing with, so far he has not volunteered to share very many of the intimate details, and Billy isn’t about to push the subject. The fact that Dom is continuing the therapy sessions, when he’s clearly having trouble, surprises Billy, and he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and have Dom stop. It’s too important that Dom deal with what happened to him, and start to heal the deep wounds that are with him every single day.
Of course, that’s what Billy has been telling himself, but now he’s not so sure. Watching Dom struggle and suffer for just over a month now is causing Billy’s heart to ache, and he’s wondering if he was right in asking Dom to see a therapist. Maybe he should tell Dom that he doesn’t have to go. Maybe it would be better with the sessions stopped. Maybe Dom would smile again, and sleep peacefully. How much longer can he allow Dom to suffer?
Easing carefully out of bed and drawing the forest green coverlet up over Dom’s sleeping form to ensure that he stays warm, Billy slips out of the bedroom with the cordless phone clutched in his hand. Thanks to the pill he’s taken, Dom more than likely won’t awaken until morning, and Billy can only hope that his dreams are peaceful. Sitting down on the couch and hugging his knees to his chest, Billy takes a deep breath before he dials a familiar number.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 6
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, maybe.
Summary: A bad day, new challenges, and couple trouble, thanks to a walk down memory lane.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: We’re moving into some angst. While I don’t think you need kleenex for this chapter, I’d make sure it’s not too far away.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
Chapter 5
Blowing softly at a shelf to clear away the fine particles of dust that have gathered before sliding a thick, heavy book onto the shelf, Billy glances at his watch as he bends down to grab a cloth. It’s almost closing time and Dom should’ve been home a while ago.
“Mark?” he calls to the younger man.
Poking his head out of the small stock room next to the stairs, Mark replies, “Yeah?”
“You haven’t seen Dom, have you?”
Shaking his head, Mark doesn’t miss the concern in Billy’s eyes and silently walks over to the back door. Opening it a few inches and peering outside, Mark then calls over his shoulder, “Car is here. He must’ve come in and gone upstairs during that rush a while back. Or maybe he’s out running an errand or something.”
Confused as to why Dom wouldn’t tell either of them that he was home, Billy thinks for a moment and then makes a decision.
“Mark-”
“Go on,” Mark interjects with an understanding smile. “I’ll lock up.”
Shooting Mark a grateful look, Billy drops the dust cloth to the box at his feet. “Thank you.”
Hurrying up the stairs, his mind racing with worry and unpleasant scenarios as to what could’ve happened to his lover, Billy quickly searches the kitchen and living room before walking down the hall, checking the guest room along the way to the bedroom. As he crosses the threshold, the music in the shop below is switched off, throwing the room into a strange silence. Their bed is empty and untouched, but then Billy spots Dom’s backpack sitting on the floor next to his night stand. Clearly, Dom was here at some point this afternoon, but where has he gone?
Frowning in thought as he crosses the room towards the bed, Billy pauses in mid step when he hears a muffled sound behind him. Billy spins on his heel, searching for the source, finally noticing that the loo door is closed halfway. Quickly walking over to the door, he nudges it open with his toes, just enough so that he can look inside. When he finally locates the younger man, Billy’s heart sinks at the troubling sight before him.
Stretched out in the bathtub, a smattering of bubbles floating on the surface, the water is touching the bottom of Dom’s crooked jaw as he stares aimlessly at the far wall. His mind is clearly somewhere else, as evidenced by his bloodshot eyes and the dampness on his cheeks, that most definitely didn’t come from the cooling bath water. Today’s therapy session was apparently very painful, and Dom is now searching for comfort in happier memories, like when they took a romantic bath together on Valentine’s day. Judging by the misery in his expression, Dom’s been unsuccessful thus far in finding that comfort.
“Dommie?” Billy says softly as he steps through the doorway, closing the distance between them and sinking down to his knees beside the bathtub.
Jolting up in surprise at the sound of Billy’s tender lilt, Dom quickly wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand before meeting Billy’s concerned gaze.
“You scared me,” he says hoarsely, attempting to plaster on a smile. “Guess I lost track of time. It’s my night to cook, isn’t it? Better get up and make some din-”
“Stop,” Billy interrupts gently. “Don’t even try to fool me. You’re all soggy, love.”
Reaching over, Billy grabs a box of tissues and pulls a few out before wiping away the remainder of the salty tears lingering on Dom’s wet cheeks. Watching as Dom lowers his head in silent shame, Billy then presses the soft tissue to his squashed up nose.
“Blow.”
Once Dom has complied, Billy tosses the wad of used tissues in the bin next to the toilet before he reaches into the water, wincing at the cool temperature as he laces their fingers together.
“You’re all pruney,” Billy comments after inspecting Dom’s long, normally elegant fingers, the tips stained with chipped black varnish. “Lets get you out of here before you start to grow webbed feet, yeah?”
Nodding miserably, Dom obeys, saying nothing as Billy pulls the stopper at the bottom of the bathtub before helping him to his feet and then wrapping his slender body up in a fluffy towel. Smoothing back Dom’s damp hair and cupping his face, Billy tenderly places a soft kiss to each cheek and then his down turned mouth.
“C’mon, Dommie,” he requests gently as he leads the way out of the loo and into the bedroom.
Before Dom can say a word, Billy pulls back the coverlet and sheet, guiding the younger man into bed after lightly rubbing the towel over his skin, discarding the damp towel and tossing it over to the chair in the corner.
“Bad day?” Billy asks, once he’s heeled off his shoes and stretched out next to Dom, cuddling his lover close, tucking his dark blonde head under his chin.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Not pressing Dom for details, Billy simply holds him, petting his hair and stroking his back, tucking the coverlet snugly around his lithe body to ensure that he stays warm and as comfortable as possible.
“I told her about the party,” Dom says finally, so quietly that Billy can barely hear him. “What he did to me. All of it.”
“Oh, Dommie. I’m so sorry, love,” Billy murmurs gently, his chest aching at the searing pain rolling off Dom’s slender shoulders in waves.
“I-” Dom tries to speak, but a violent shudder ripples through his body, stealing the sound.
“Shhh,” Billy whispers soothingly. “It’s all right. You don’t have to talk.”
“Can we stay like this for a while?” Dom asks in a small voice.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Billy vows, kissing Dom’s forehead and rubbing the muscles in his tense shoulders. “I’ll be right here.”
To Billy’s surprise, Dom doesn’t break down into heartbroken tears like before, but instead curls into Billy’s body as tightly as possible, and eventually is lulled off to sleep by Billy’s soothing touch. While the younger man dozes, Billy continues stroking his bare back and pressing feathery kisses to his hair. Nearly half an hour passes, and then Dom’s stomach growls rather insistently, informing Billy that he likely didn’t have very much to eat today. For over a month now, Billy has been suspicious regarding Dom’s eating habits on therapy days as well as the ones that follow, and with Dom cuddled close, Billy decides to take matters into his own hands.
Carefully reaching over to the night stand, taking extra care to not disturb Dom, Billy picks up the cordless phone and places an order for takeaway to be delivered from a Chinese restaurant that he knows is one of Dom’s favorites. Just over twenty minutes later, Billy hears a car pull up to the back door and the engine cut off. When Billy shifts, attempting to slide out from under Dom’s limp weight, the other man stiffens and then his eyes flutter open.
“Bills?” he rasps weakly.
“Takeaway from Wong’s is here,” Billy replies, giving Dom a small smile and kissing the tip of his nose. “I’ll be right back.”
Dom rolls onto his back and watches Billy hurry out of the room, the palm of his hand resting on his stomach. He can feel it churning and knows he should eat, but right now, Dom would rather go to the dentist. Twice. The fact that Billy ordered from his favorite Chinese restaurant is more than enough evidence that Billy is doing everything he can to ensure that Dom eats something. The chances of Dom escaping dinner has just fallen to zero.
Kicking back the coverlet with a heavy sigh, Dom rises and is rummaging in the bureau when Billy returns, his arms cradling a brown paper bag.
“What are you doing?” Billy asks.
“Getting dressed. What does it look like?” Dom replies dryly and more sharply that he intends as he tugs a pair of pajama pants up over his narrow hips. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Are you cold?”
“No, I just-”
“We’re eating in bed,” Billy announces, setting the bag of food on the night stand for a few moments while he unzips his trousers and unbuttons his shirt.
Watching with wide eyes as Billy strips down to his boxers and crawls onto the mattress, Dom walks over to the edge of the bed when Billy beckons to him.
“C’mere, Dommie,” Billy says to him as he pats the space next to him. “Please?”
Quietly obeying, Dom stretches out alongside his lover, not protesting when Billy’s arm slips around his shoulders and he kisses Dom’s hair.
“I got all you favorites,” Billy adds softly. “Your tummy was growling while you were sleeping.”
“I’m not really hungry, Bills,” Dom protests faintly. “I just-”
“I’ll make you a deal. For each bite of food you have, I’ll give you a kiss,” Billy proposes, pulling Dom closer with a gentle squeeze.
“That’s blackmail,” Dom accuses, his brow furrowing.
“Aye, it is,” Billy readily agrees. “But I think it just might work.”
“You know how much I love your kisses,” Dom adds with an unmistakable pout.
“Aye, because I love yours just as much.”
“Can I get the kisses in advance?” Dom asks hopefully.
“Not a chance,” Billy replies with a fond smile.
“Not even one?”
“Okay,” Billy concedes, gazing at Dom tenderly. “One.”
Tipping up Dom’s chin with one hand, Billy brings their mouths together for a soft, warm exchange, their tongues touching briefly.
“Have I succeeded?” Billy murmurs when they part. “Can I tempt you into eating?”
“Open the food. I can smell the garlic spare ribs.”
True to his word, for every mouthful that Dom chews and swallows, from chicken fried rice to shanghai noodles to the afore mentioned ribs, Billy lavishes him with a variety of lush kisses, ranging from soft and tender nibbling exchanges to deep, wet, passionate clinches that leave both men breathless. Never once does Billy attempt to move them beyond kisses, to something more involved, more intimate, knowing that isn’t what Dom needs right now. Not tonight. The food Billy ordered is nearly gone when he parts Dom’s swollen lips and teases the sensitive spot under his tongue before giving his pouty lower lip a long, slow suck.
“What do I have to eat for you to do that again?” Dom ask unsteadily, his eyes dark with arousal.
“Not a thing. That was to remind you of how much I love you,” Billy replies as he cuddles Dom closer.
“What would I do without you?” Dom muses, not even aware that he’s spoken aloud.
“You’re never going to have to find out,” Billy vows. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Sinking into Billy’s strong and loving embrace, Dom presses his cheek to his lover’s furry chest.
“Good.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Knocking on the Student Advisors’ office door, Dom glances at the message clutched in his hand, wondering what he’s done wrong to warrant being summoned to her office in such a manner. Have his grades slipped, despite his efforts to the contrary? Has someone discovered what he was, and reported him? Is he going to be asked to leave? When a female voice calls out, inviting him to enter, Dom swallows hard and then turns the door knob.
“Hi Mary-Ann. You wanted to see me?” he says, hoping he doesn’t appear as terrified as he feels.
“C’mon in, Dom,” the Advisor requests. “I wanted to talk to you for a minute.”
“Is there a problem?” Dom asks around the lump in his throat, sinking into the chair in front of the desk.
“No, not at all. I wanted to discuss your future.”
Utterly confused, Dom nods for her to continue. “Uh, okay.”
“Specifically, I’m curious as to why I haven’t seen an application to uni from you come across my desk,” Mary-Ann says pointedly.
“What?”
“You’re going to have your A levels completed very soon, and I was under the impression that you were going to continue your education,” she adds. “You’re a smart young man, and I think you have much more to offer. I really don’t think you should stop now, not while you’ve got the momentum going.”
Reaching into a drawer, the older woman produces a thick envelope with Dom’s name on it.
“Take these home. Read them over carefully,” Mary-Ann says as Dom accepts the package. “There’s an application form in there. I strongly recommend that you fill it out.
“Okay. I’ll look at it,” Dom promises, conveniently not agreeing to anything beyond that.
“If you have any questions, my door is always open.”
“I, uh, I better get to class,” Dom says as he rises awkwardly to his feet, sliding the envelope into his backpack. “Oh, and thanks.”
“Think about, Dom. I really mean it.”
“Okay.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Enjoying a rare break from school as his last class of the day has been canceled and rescheduled to later in the week, Dom steps out of the car behind the book shop and glances at his watch. Billy won’t be expecting him for over an hour, and Dom’s mind is troubled, old memories replaying, causing questions to form. Making a decision, Dom locks his backpack in the boot of the car and tucks the keys in the front pocket of his blue jeans before beginning to walk.
At first, Dom only plans to go to the park, sit under the trees and watch the clouds roll by, but within a few minutes, Dom finds himself walking in the very opposite direction, towards a familiar street, one that he hasn’t been to in nearly six months. The street and corner that he once called home.
Pausing in front of the run down, dingy building that he once lived in, Dom looks up for a long moment at the window of his flat, recalling that horrible night, where desperation led him to the choice that nearly cost him his life. Had he not been left for dead, he never would’ve found love with Billy, or been reunited with his beloved parents.
Instead, they would’ve had to mourn him, knowing what their youngest son became. And Billy. Never could Dom have imagined to feel so much love from another person, to be cared for so tenderly and cherished. From the moment they met, Billy was kind, their encounters giving Dom a welcome reprieve from the bleakness of his existence.
If Billy hadn’t become a part of of Dom’s life, nothing in the last six months would’ve happened. He would’ve died alone, never having experienced-
“Dom?”
Coming back to himself, Dom looks towards the voice, recognizing it, but unable to place it right away. When their eyes meet, the memories come flooding back.
“Eric.”
“Holy fuck,” he whispers in awe. “It is you.”
Tentatively, a young man about Dom’s age, with striking blue eyes and white blonde hair reaches out, laying his fingers on Dom’s arm, as though needing reassurance that he’s not seeing things.
“I thought you were dead,” he adds, taking a step closer. “I hadn’t seen you for a few days, so I went by your flat to check on you. Somebody else was there, and all your stuff was gone.”
It suddenly dawns on Dom that despite his antisocial tendencies while in this degrading life, others like him would’ve noticed his disappearance. In the nearly four years that he lived here, more working boys than Dom liked to count had vanished, some reappearing a day or so later with angry bruises or painful looking wounds. Those were the lucky ones. Some were lost, overdosing on the addictive poison they shot into their veins, a dangerous attempt to escape the pain of their miserable existence. Others had disappeared completely, without warning, and it was never a happy ending.
“I left in a hurry,” Dom says finally, realizing that Eric is looking at him expectantly, wanting to know what happened. “Unplanned.”
“You looked really fucking bad, that last night that I saw you,” Eric continues, brow furrowed with memories. “I saw you walk off with some bloke with an umbrella, and then you just vanished. I checked the newspapers, asked around, but nobody had seen you.”
Recalling that he rarely left Billy’s flat those first few weeks, and that he wouldn’t likely have been recognized, as he was always bundled up in Billy’s jacket and scarf when he did venture outdoors, Dom nods. “I got into some trouble.”
“What happened? I mean, I barely recognized you. If I’d walked by you on the street, other than this one, I never would’ve-”
“Thanks,” Dom replies awkwardly, feeling pangs of guilt that he’s healthy and happy while others like him are still out there. “I got lucky, you might say.”
“Now there’s an interesting choice of words,” Eric remarks with a wry smile. “Where are you working these days?”
“I’m not,” Dom corrects. “I got out.”
“Out? You mean-”
“Yeah. A good mate of mine made me an offer, and I couldn’t say no.”
“That was the trouble?” Eric asks in confusion.
“No, he was the one who took care of me after I got into trouble,” Dom explains. “He saved my life.”
Noticing the sparkle of happiness in Dom’s eyes as he speaks of his ‘mate’ and the circumstances of his departure, Eric’s curiosity is raised even further.
“Sounds like it was pretty bad,” Eric says. “What happened, I mean.”
“It was, but I’m lucky,” Dom replies with a soft sigh. “I’m all right. I’m fine now.”
“So what are you doing? Another restaurant job?”
“I’m going for my A levels, actually. Thinking about uni.”
“Really?” Eric asks in surprise, one eyebrow arching.
“Yeah. I’ve even seen my parents,” Dom reveals. “Took a trip up to Manchester just after Christmas, and they came down a few months ago.”
Eric frowns. “You told them?”
“No. They were so happy to see me that they didn’t ask too many questions,” Dom corrects gently. “While were on the subject, do you know that book shop over by the park? Boyd’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I work there, part time,” Dom says. “So if you need to find me, or whatever. If I’m not there, you can leave a message.”
“Okay.”
Glancing at his watch, Dom shifts from one foot to the other. It’s getting late, and he should return to the shop before he’s missed. “I should go.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Drawing Eric close for a short hug, Dom forces back the excess moisture in his eyes.
“You be careful, yeah?” he says softly.
“Always try to.”
“Bye.”
Waving as Dom starts to walk away, Eric inhales sharply when a thought pops into his mind.
“Hey Dom?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t, uh, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Cory, have you?” Eric asks hesitantly. “Nobody’s seen or heard from him in almost a week.”
Memories crashing in, Dom remembers the boy who was beaten and left in an alley after he and his customer had finished their business. Cory was new to the street at that time, and a particularly vicious bastard had gotten ahold of him. Bruised ribs, a bloody nose and an angry gash above his left eye were tended to in Dom’s loo before he reluctantly accepted Dom’s offer of the couch, since he adamantly refused the mattress.
Despite Dom’s urgings, Cory only spent one night there, safe from the elements, and was back on the street the next afternoon, working to make up for the money he lost. That incident hardened him, and the sweetness in Cory’s demeanor began to fade after that. The last time Dom saw him, he was terribly thin, the telltale marks on the insides of his arms explaining where his money went now.
Shaking his head sadly, Dom replies, “No, I haven’t. Sorry. But if I hear anything, I’ll-”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks. Bye.”
Pain twists like a hot blade in Dom’s chest and stomach as he watches Eric cross the street and take his place at his usual corner, waiting for his next customer. Until recently, that was the extent of Dom’s existence, and when he escaped, he forgot about the ones left behind. The ones who weren’t rescued and shown that there was another way.
The pain has lessened to a dull, throbbing ache by the time Dom arrives at the car parked behind the book shop. Opening the boot and retrieving his back pack, Dom takes a few deep breaths to settle himself as he locks up the car, then plasters on a smile before opening the back door to the book shop and walking inside to where Billy is waiting for him.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Several hours later, Dom is laying on the couch in the living room, fingers laced over his flat stomach, looking up at the ceiling, the only light coming from the kitchen as Dom has turned out the table lamps. The lack of light fits his mood, as he’s been unable to think about anything except his walk this afternoon and his conversation with Eric.
Of all the emotions he’s experienced since leaving his old life behind, the one that surprises Dom most is the guilt now rolling over him in waves, refusing to give him a moments peace. Looking at Eric today, trapped in a vicious circle of desperation and shame, Dom wonders what makes him any better than Eric. He was lucky, meeting Billy, who facilitated his escape, but other than that, what makes Dom anymore deserving of a new life?
Although Eric never said it out loud, the envy was there, bubbling just beneath the surface. Of course, why wouldn’t he be? Dom knows that he looks healthier than he has in years, and he’s happier, most of the time, anyway. Knowing that you narrowly escaped death would cheer anyone up, but now Dom can’t shake the heavy weight of guilt, wondering if there’s someone out there, right now, who is more deserving.
Why him? What makes him so special?
Dom is yanked from his troubled thoughts by the sound of Billy’s footsteps moving up the stairs towards him, accompanied by cheerful whistling. The book shop is closed for the night, and Dom can no longer hide from Billy, under the guise of homework. Although he’s not quite sure why he does it, Dom quickly closes his eyes and focuses on making his breathing deep and even, as though he’s fast asleep.
It’s not like Billy will press him to talk about anything that he doesn’t want to, but Dom can’t bear to see the disappointment in his lover’s eyes when Dom shuts him out once again. Would Billy understand the guilt he’s feeling? The last thing Dom wants is to appear ungrateful. That would certainly hurt Billy. It’s easier to appear asleep, until he can figure out what to do, and hope that Billy doesn’t disturb him for a while. It’s a little white lie. What can it hurt? Isn’t it better to spare Billy’s feelings this way?
By the time Billy enter the living room Dom appears to be sleeping, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, hands loose and relaxed on his belly. Smiling fondly at the sight before him, Billy stands motionless for a few moments, just watching his lover at peace. With all his troubles of late, it’s good to see that things seem to be improving a wee bit, if only temporarily. Getting rest will give Dom the strength to continue with therapy, and work through the issues that are causing his sleepless nights. Having Dom healthy and happy is all that matters.
When Dom inhales sharply and shifts ever so slightly, Billy refocuses his attention on the younger man. Billy is helpless to resist the allure of his lover, and is drawn closer to Dom, sinking down to his knees before smoothing Dom’s hair off his forehead in a tender caress. There is no change in Dom’s breathing as he continues to doze, and unable to stop himself, Billy leans over, pressing his lips to Dom’s. It’s a feathery touch at first, the second kiss slightly more passionate, the tip of Billy’s pointy tongue gently tracing the seam of Dom’s relaxed mouth.
Using all of his strength to prevent himself from flinching, Dom’s mind races to come up with a solution. When he opens his eyes, Billy will know that something is wrong, and he’ll be hurt. Somehow, Dom has to prevent that from happening. As Billy brings their mouths together for a third kiss, an idea comes to Dom, and he dives it before he can change his mind.
Eyes closed, Dom’s lips part, inviting Billy into the honey-sweet depths, their tongues tangling and hot breath caressing each others cheeks.
“Careful,” Dom whispers secretively when they part briefly for oxygen.
“Why?” Billy asks, nibbling on the pouty curve of Dom’s lower lip.
“My boyfriend is right downstairs,” Dom adds as the fingers of one hand weave through Billy’s ginger hair. “We have to be quiet, or he’ll catch us.”
“What!?!” Billy cries out in shock, unable to believe his ears. “What the bloody hell are you-”
Finally opening his eyes and smiling cheekily, Dom hopes with all his heart that Billy will be distracted enough not to notice the sadness that he can’t hide.
“Gotcha.”
Jaw dropping open, Billy wrinkles his nose, and then as his eyes narrow, his small fingers begin dancing over Dom’s ribs deftly, tickling him relentlessly as punishment for tricking him. Wriggling and bucking in an attempt to dislodge Billy’s hands, laughter bubbles up in Dom’s throat, and relief washes over over him, along with the realization that he’s been successful. It’s a lie, Dom doesn’t deny it, but it’s a kind lie. Why should Billy have to be sad, too? It’s not his fault. This is not his mess to clean up. It’s Dom’s and Dom’s alone. It wouldn’t be fair to Billy.
Redoubling his efforts, Billy almost giggles as Dom tries another tactic to get relief from the hands as Billy mercilessly tickles the younger man. Their lips meeting in fast, wet kisses, Billy moans when Dom thrusts his tongue deep into his mouth, and then they are tumbling to the floor in a tangle of limbs and laughter.
At first, Dom is on top, but when he tries to squirm away from his lover’s tormenting fingers, Billy rolls them over, trapping Dom beneath him. The urge is there, to continue to tickle Dom until he begs for mercy, but one look at Dom’s long eyelashes and swollen mouth changes Billy’s mind. While one hand cups Dom’s slender hip, the other moves higher, fingers sliding through Dom’s dark blonde hair as their lips meet in tender kisses.
There is a brief moment where Billy opens his eyes, catching a flash of something odd in Dom’s expression, but then Dom parts his knees, long fingers caressing the curve of Billy’s arse. Moaning into Dom’s mouth, Billy rocks his hips forward, rubbing their growing erections together in a lazy rhythm as their lips meet and part in sensuous, unhurried exchanges. For long minutes they lay wrapped in each others arms, just being close, enjoying each others touch. Eventually, Billy slows the kisses until they finally stop, his head dropping down, forehead pressed to Dom’s slender shoulder.
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” Dom asks breathlessly, panting lightly into the side of Billy’s flushed neck.
“Aye.”
“Hey, Bills?”
“Aye?”
“Unless you want to starve tonight,” Dom says with a soft smile, “I need to get up and make dinner.”
“We could order takeaway,” Billy suggests hopefully. “Thai?”
“I really should cook up that beef I pulled out of the freezer, actually,” Dom replies. “Don’t want it to go to waste.”
“Okay.”
Reluctantly rolling off of Dom, Billy watches Dom rise to his feet and tug his shirt down, smoothing the rumpled fabric as he disappears into the kitchen.
While Dom was playful and teasing, Billy can’t get the fleeting look in Dom’s eyes out of his mind. In all honesty, Billy would’ve quite happily starved it it meant he and Dom spent the time in bed, but it’s not like he expects Dom to always be in the mood for sex.
It’s that look. Fear? Not of Billy, but something, just beneath the surface.
Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Billy listens to Dom move about the kitchen, humming ‘Happy Together’ under his breath. Nothing out of the ordinary there. It appears that everything is completely normal, but that’s of little comfort.
The nagging feeling is still with Billy hours later, when it’s after midnight and Dom is fast asleep beside him. After dinner, Dom had disappeared into the guest room to work on a report for school, the soft, rhythmic clicking of keystrokes on his laptop the only sound coming from the room. It’s normal. Routine. Once he’d finished for the night, Dom brushed his teeth and washed his face before crawling into bed and settling into Billy’s side, their limbs entwining as usual. They’d shared a warm, tender kiss and exchanged ‘goodnight’s’ before turning off the lights.
That was nearly an hour ago.
Over that time, Dom has slowly been pulling away, separating their bodies, and Billy can’t tell if Dom is pretending to be asleep, or if he’s just restless again, unable to control the need to move. Either way, they began the night in each others arms, and now there is a growing divide between them. Shifting on the mattress and mumbling under his breath, Dom suddenly rolls to his right, onto his side, presenting his back to Billy. Curling up into a tight ball, and nuzzling his cheek into the the pillow, Dom finally quiets, his body still at last.
It seems that Dom really is asleep and has found a comfortable position. Part of Billy is disappointed that Dom pulled away, but knowing that Dom is resting peacefully helps to ease his mind. Rolling onto his side as well, facing Dom’s back, Billy closes his eyes and finally surrenders to sleep, deciding that he’s overreacting. Dom’s all right. He’s just adjusting.
It’s only when Billy’s snoring, a delicate, soft whistling sound floating on the night air, that Dom opens his eyes, staring out into the darkness. In keeping his word to not sneak out of their bed, Dom lays quietly, occasionally biting down on his lower lip and blinking rapidly. Every time Dom closes his eyes, Eric’s face flashes in his mind, adding to the guilt twisting in his belly. Dom can’t help thinking that he should’ve done something. Offered Eric some money? It’s unlikely he would’ve taken it, his pride larger than his desperation. What else could he have done? It’s not like he could offer Eric a place to stay - the flat isn’t his, it’s Billy’s. Everything is Billy’s, right down to the bed he is currently lying in. Burying his face in his pillow, Dom lets his tears fall.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
“You look exhausted,” Dr. Tyler comments, her brow furrowed with concern. “What’s going on?”
“I went for a walk,” Dom replies miserably, hugging his knees to his chest, his sock covered toes moving restlessly against the patterned upholstery of the couch.
“I’m afraid I’m going to need a little bit more information, Dom,” Dr. Tyler prods. “A walk where? When?”
“A few days ago.” Pausing, Dom frowns in thought. “I don’t even know why I did it.”
“It?”
“I was going to go to the park,” Dom continues, not even aware that Dr. Tyler has spoken. “Billy and I used to go there, back when I was so sick. We’d walk and look at the trees. He was so attentive, but trying so hard not to crowd me. It felt nice, having someone look out for me.”
“Where did you go?” Dr. Tyler asks softly, her head tilting to one side.
“I forgot,” Dom confesses. “Thanks to Billy, I got out, but they were left behind. And I forgot about them.”
“You went back to your old neighborhood,” Dr. Tyler realizes.
“What makes me anymore deserving than them?” Dom asks, his tone hard and eyes full of pain. “Why do I feel so guilty for leaving them behind?”
Burying his face in his hands behind his knees, Dom swallows the scream lodged in his throat, his body trembling violently. He doesn’t notice when Dr. Tyler slides closer, her hand coming to rest gently on his shoulder, rubbing back and forth in an attempt at comfort. Drawing in several ragged breaths, Dom finally looks up again.
“What have I done to be worthy of a chance to start over, when so many others don’t?”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Rinsing away the remains of the minty toothpaste in the basin, Dom rolls his shoulders backwards and then forwards in an attempt to loosen the tense muscles in his back and neck. Yesterday’s therapy session resulted in a restless and almost entirely sleepless night, and Dom’s getting the feeling that tonight is going to be a repeat of that, unless he can find a way to change it somehow.
Opening the medicine cabinet above the basin, Dom idly scans the shelves, not quite sure what he’s looking for, if anything at all. He has no idea how long he’s been standing there when Billy slides his arms around his waist and rests his chin lightly on Dom’s shoulder.
“Do you want to try a sleeping pill?” Billy asks gently.
Wrinkling his nose, Dom shrugs and makes a noncommittal sound.
“You don’t have to,” Billy murmurs soothingly, drawing Dom back a few inches, cradling him tenderly and rubbing a slow circle on the younger man’s flat stomach. “But I know you didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“How can I be so tired and still not be able to sleep?” Dom replies wearily, tipping his head back and tilting it one side, inadvertently pressing their slightly scruffy cheeks together. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s why I thought of the sleeping pill,” Billy continues, swaying Dom back and forth ever so gently, hoping the movement will help relax him. “Just for tonight.”
“I don’t know,” Dom says softly, his brow furrowing in thought, the urge to pull away from Billy’s embrace gnawing at him, feeling unworthy of his comfort. “I hate pills.”
“I know, love, but you can’t go another night like this.”
“I just want to sleep. I need to be able to focus at school,” Dom adds. “I have two exams next week and I don’t want Mark to cover anymore of my shifts like he did today.”
“How about half of a pill?” Billy suggests. “Just a little something to help you drift off. You won’t be groggy in the morning then. I’ve done that a couple of times when I’ve had a hard time falling asleep.”
“Okay,” Dom agrees. “Just half.”
“All right.”
Gently releasing Dom and stepping around him, Billy quickly grabs a bottle from the top shelf, taps out a single tablet onto the countertop and divides it into two sections with a plastic pill splitter.
“You’ve done this before,” Dom comments wryly.
“Some nights are hard for me, too,” Billy replies quietly as he lays the pill fragment in the palm of Dom’s outstretched hand.
“Viggo?” Dom asks, watching Billy’s eyes closely.
“And my parents. Their birthdays. Anniversary.”
Filling a glass halfway with cold water, Billy passes it to Dom watches as he swallows it down with the sleeping pill.
“Thanks, Bills.”
“You’re welcome. Do you want to take a shower? Or a bath?” Billy inquires. “I can make you some tea.”
“No thanks. I just want to go to bed,” Dom replies wearily. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Okay.”
As it has become habit when his therapy sessions are troubling him, Dom is dressed in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms when he slides beneath the coverlet and lays his weary head on the pillow. For whatever reason, Dom feels the need to cover up, and Billy has not mentioned it to him, since Dom has not volunteered to discuss it. In the beginning, it took one or two days, and then Dom would be back to himself, snuggling into Billy in the morning before the alarm went off, sliding his hands over intimate places, parting his knees and inviting Billy into the velvet clench of his lithe body.
Their lovemaking is always slow and tender on those mornings, Billy cradling his young lover as if he were made of glass, reaffirming their connection, not just physically, but emotionally as well. As much as Billy loves those mornings, being able to share their bodies and give Dom pleasure, there is a bittersweetness to it as well, because he knows Dom’s happiness will likely be short-lived. Once he partakes in yet another therapy session, the cycle will being again. And again.
Not for the first time, Billy wonders about the wisdom in asking Dom to consider therapy, as it seems to be making things worse, not better. The fact that they haven’t been intimate in five days now, only increases the doubt in Billy’s mind. Every day that passes it feels as though Dom is pulling further away, causing Billy to feel more helpless and guilty. If only he knew what to do, how to ease Dom’s pain. That would make all the difference.
Gazing down at Dom as he finally drops into a heavy sleep, nearly an hour after climbing into bed, Billy frowns in concern. Exactly like last night, Dom is restless and uneasy, the aftereffects of his latest therapy session still lingering, despite the partial sleeping pill to help quiet his troubled thoughts. Whatever it is that Dom is dealing with, so far he has not volunteered to share very many of the intimate details, and Billy isn’t about to push the subject. The fact that Dom is continuing the therapy sessions, when he’s clearly having trouble, surprises Billy, and he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and have Dom stop. It’s too important that Dom deal with what happened to him, and start to heal the deep wounds that are with him every single day.
Of course, that’s what Billy has been telling himself, but now he’s not so sure. Watching Dom struggle and suffer for just over a month now is causing Billy’s heart to ache, and he’s wondering if he was right in asking Dom to see a therapist. Maybe he should tell Dom that he doesn’t have to go. Maybe it would be better with the sessions stopped. Maybe Dom would smile again, and sleep peacefully. How much longer can he allow Dom to suffer?
Easing carefully out of bed and drawing the forest green coverlet up over Dom’s sleeping form to ensure that he stays warm, Billy slips out of the bedroom with the cordless phone clutched in his hand. Thanks to the pill he’s taken, Dom more than likely won’t awaken until morning, and Billy can only hope that his dreams are peaceful. Sitting down on the couch and hugging his knees to his chest, Billy takes a deep breath before he dials a familiar number.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 6