With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 4
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: Hard R, I think. Maybe more.
Summary: A journey begins with a single step, unexpected firsts, and a dark cloud begins to form.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Considering the sleeping difficulties I’ve had of late, this chapter seems rather fitting. Warning of angst.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3
Chapter 4
Shifting in the soft, maroon, leather chair, Dom swallows hard and looks around the room. The walls are a warm shade of forest green, the carpet attractive, yet serviceable, and not overwhelming to the decor. Dom finds it ironic that despite all the efforts made to create a relaxing space, he’s nervous, more nervous than when he saw Viggo for the first time. Back then, the physical pain was enough to push past his worry and shame, but now he doesn’t have that reason. There’s nothing to distract him.
Glancing at his waist, Dom notices a loose thread along the edge of the right pocket of his denims and he idly picks at it, thankful for something to keep his hands busy. The room is so quiet that Dom can hear the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall, noticing how slow it is compared to the pounding of his heart against the wall of his chest. Gnawing on a short, varnished fingernail, Dom is seriously considering leaving, as his body is now vibrating with tension, his left leg bouncing restlessly, and then the door across the room swings open.
Starting at her feet, Dom’s gaze travels up the woman’s slender, yet curvy figure, not stopping until he meets her eyes. They’re blue, and much like when Dom met Viggo for the first time, they are kind, helping to ease some of the tension in Dom’s body. Her smile has a sweetness to it, and when the corners of her wide mouth lift up, her eyes sparkle.
“Hello Dom,” she says warmly. “I’m Dr. Tyler. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Won’t you come in?”
After pushing himself up out of the squishy chair and onto suddenly wobbly legs, Dom slings his backpack over his shoulder and follows the taller woman into a cozy room with a desk, two armchairs, a coffee table, and a long couch along one wall. The room is decorated very similarly to the reception area, but the walls are a lighter shade, helping the room to appear larger. Gauzy curtains cover the windows, allowing light to enter to room, but ensuring privacy as well.
“Do I, uh, do I lay down on the couch?” Dom asks uncertainly, shifting from one foot to the other.
Smiling, Dr. Tyler gestures to the pair of chairs in front of the desk. “I thought we would just sit and talk today, but you can lay down if you want.”
“No,” Dom replies quickly. “Sitting is good.”
“Okay then.”
Once settled, the nervousness begins to build in Dom again.
“So, uh-” Not knowing what to say, Dom flounders.
“Would you like me to tell you how I like to get to know new patients?” Dr. Tyler suggests in a gentle voice.
“Sure.”
“First off, anything we talk about is completely confidential,” she begins. “Nothing you say to me will ever be repeated to anyone, unless you want me to. The only exception to that is if I believe you are going to harm yourself, or someone else. Then, I'll call in whatever help I think is necessary.”
“Makes sense.”
“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to spend today getting acquainted, get to know you a bit. I’d like to talk about what brought you here, in general, and see if we’ll be able to work together,” Dr. Tyler continues. “In the event you would rather talk to someone else, I can refer you to a number of colleagues. I promise I won’t be offended. My intention is to make sure that you find someone you feel comfortable with.”
Feeling the ache in his belly start to dissipate slightly, Dom nods. “Okay.”
“And you are more than welcome to ask me questions about where I’ve studied, my qualifications, or any concerns you have. I’ll give you a brief biography to take home, so you can think about it or discuss it with whomever you choose.”
“Do you know Viggo very well?” Dom inquires, curious why the Danish-named doctor chose this woman for him to talk to.
“Just over five years now,” she explains. “I volunteer one day a week at his clinic. Girls who find themselves pregnant, people in bad relationships, children who need an adult to help them speak up. Sometimes talking about it can make a big difference. All the difference.”
“Is that where you met him?”
“Yes, I heard about his clinic and decided I wanted to know more about it.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Are you a student, attending the university?” Dr. Tyler asks, gesturing at the backpack at Dom’s feet.
“No. Finishing my A levels,” Dom corrects, shifting in his seat “I was talking them in Manchester before I left.”
Noticing the dark look in Dom’s eyes, the older woman’s head tilts to one side as she watches him carefully. “How long ago was that?”
Swallowing hard, Dom slowly exhales. “Just over four years. A lifetime ago.”
“Do you want to tell me why you left?” Dr. Tyler asks softly.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Smiling when the sound of Dom draws him into the kitchen, Billy leans against the door jam, watching his lover stir several pots on the cooker. It appears that Dom is in a good mood, because as he moves gracefully about the room, tidying the countertops and checking on dinner, it’s almost as though he’s dancing. And . . . singing?
Do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell
Yes, Dom is definitely singing. Granted, it’s very softly, but he’s singing.
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
Crossing the room silently, Billy slides his arms around Dom’s narrow waist and cuddles him close, his bow-shaped lips less than an inch from Dom’s ear.
“I'm in love with you,” Billy croons, completing the verse before pressing a tender kiss to the sensitive spot just below Dom’s ear.
Turning in his lover’s embrace, Dom’s eyes are soft and almost shy as they meet Billy’s and his long arms slide around Billy’s shoulders. Bringing their lips together in a warm kiss, Dom sighs and then whimpers with pleasure when Billy’s small fingers slip under the hem of his t-shirt to stroke the soft skin of his lower back and his tongue traces the seam of Dom’s mouth. Dom parts his lips and invites the wet heat of Billy’s pointy tongue into his mouth as hands roam eagerly, first up Dom’s back to his shoulder blades and then down, dipping under the waistband of his low slung blue jeans.
Feasting on Dom’s pouty lower lip and the sweetness of his mouth, Billy slides them away from the heat of the cooker and then deepens the kiss, tightening one arm around the younger man’s waist. Billy feels his lungs start to protest as his fingers card deftly through the dark blonde strands of Dom’s silky hair, and it is with great reluctance that he brings the passionate exchange to an end.
“Wow,” Dom pants breathlessly, his eyes drowsy with lust. “Remind me to make teriyaki stir-fry more often. I had no idea that it was an aphrodisiac.”
“Silly git,” Billy replies, rolling his hips in a lazy rhythm, rubbing his half-hard arousal against Dom’s hip teasingly. “That’s not why I kissed you.”
“Let me turn off the heat under the rice-”
“No, don’t,” Billy interrupts.
“You don’t want to?” Dom asks in confusion, glancing down at the bulge in Billy’s trousers. “I thought-”
“I want to eat.”
“So you’re after my cooking, not my body,” Dom deduces with mock dismay, shaking his head. “Way to crush a bloke’s ego there, Bills.”
“Not want you and your body? Don’t even joke about that,” Billy fires back, cupping the sweet curve of Dom’s arse with both hands. “I’m just hungry. I’ve been downstairs while you’ve been cooking up a storm. The smell has been torturing me for over an hour.”
“You can smell my baking downstairs, can you?” Dom inquires with wide, innocent eyes.
“Mark almost begged me to come upstairs to see if you’d give him a cookie,” Billy reveals, grinning with amusement. “I think if you’d showed up with a plate of them he’d have offered to work your next shift out of sheer gratitude.”
Laughing, Dom glances over at the several dozen chocolate chip cookies now cooling on wire racks, the result of his need to distract himself after his first therapy session.
“I’ll make sure to leave some downstairs tomorrow,” Dom promises.
“But then I’ll eat them all,” Billy protests. “Mark’s not in until Thursday.”
“What, are you worried that you’re going to get fat?” Dom asks in disbelief. “I’ll love you no matter what you look like, Bills. Besides, I like your belly.”
“You’re the one who needs gain weight, not me,” Billy protests.
“Set the table while I finish making dinner?” Dom requests, not so subtly squirming out of Billy’s embrace and averting his eyes.
“Dom, wait,” Billy says, reaching and catching one of Dom’s hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“You know I’m doing my best,” Dom murmurs quietly. “I don’t know why you keep-”
“I’ll never say it again,” Billy interrupts, his tone full of regret. “I promise.”
Drawing in a deep breath and releasing it slowly, Dom finally meets Billy’s now worried gaze.
“Forgive me?” Billy adds softly, nervously gnawing on his lower lip.
“Like I could stay mad at you,” Dom replies with a shake of his head, stepping closer and allowing Billy’s arm to slip around his waist. “May as well ask me to stop breathing.”
The lovers share a slow, soft kiss, and when they part, the light has begun to return to Dom’s expressive eyes.
“Thank you,” Billy murmurs before kissing Dom’s cheek.
“Set the table, yeah?” Dom requests. “I need to stir the rice.”
“Okay.”
There is a comfortable silence between them as the table is laid out and the meal served. After sliding into their seats across from one another, Billy reaches across the table to lay his hand over Dom’s before speaking.
“It looks wonderful,” he tells Dom, causing the younger man to blush. “Thank you.”
“Hope it tastes good,” Dom murmurs quietly, ladling a small scoop of rice onto his plate, adding more to it when he hears Billy almost choke in an attempt to stifle the comment bubbling up in his throat.
Truth be told, Dom isn’t hungry in the least, but busying himself in the kitchen was the only thing he could think of to keep his mind occupied, or at least distracted. The fact that Billy hasn’t mentioned the therapy session is a blessing, because it means that Dom doesn’t have to tell a lie. For now, he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Dom is hoping that a delicious meal will distract Billy for a while longer, perhaps even the entire evening.
Covering the bed of rice on his plate with vegetables and tender strips of marinated chicken, Billy asks, “So, how was-”
Dom can’t suppress the violent flinch as Billy starts to ask the question he’s been dreading, and as his eyes widen, Billy changes his mind about what he was going to say. In the past, Billy’s made the mistake of inadvertently causing Dom pain by pressing him to talk, and he’s not going to do that again. Never again will he knowingly cause Dom to suffer.
“-school?” Billy finishes, silently relieved when Dom visibly relaxes, just a wee bit.
“It was all right,” Dom replies before digging into his food. “I like my history class, but math is another story. I’ve got lots of homework tonight.”
Looking up so their eyes meet, Dom gives Billy a small smile. A moment later, his brow furrows as a memory resurfaces.
“What?” Billy asks.
“I had this strange conversation with a bloke from my English class at lunch today,” Dom tells him.
“What were you talking about that was so strange?”
“Actually, it wasn’t what we were talking about, but the way the conversation ended that was weird.”
“What do you mean?” Billy asks, embrace a change in subject, as it seems to be something that Dom is open and comfortable with discussing.
“Well, he was asking about my courses, what I liked to do on the weekend,” Dom explains. “We started to talk about that new comedy that’s playing at the theatre, and I told him how you and I did a Monty Python marathon for my birthday, and all the movies we’ve watched together, and then all of a sudden he had to go.”
“Not a Monty Python fan, is he?” Billy wonders aloud.
“I guess not. One minute he was smiling and laughing, and then he got this strange look on his face. He was almost cold and withdrawn, and before I knew it, he was gone,” Dom continues. “Then twenty minutes later I see him chatting up a different bloke from our class.”
By the time Dom finishes his story, a smile is turning up the corners of Billy’s mouth and he’s suppressing the urge to laugh. Dom’s innocence and endearing confusion about the situation is refreshing and touching, and Billy can’t help but be moved by his lover’s sweetness.
“What?” Dom asks when he notices that Billy is staring at him.
“Dommie, is it possible that perhaps he fancied you?” Billy inquires gently. “And maybe when he realized that you weren’t available, he decided to move on, to someone who was?”
“Huh?”
“I think he was flirting with you,” Billy supplies. “Letting you know that he likes you.”
“What? No,” Dom protests. “Why would he-”
“What? Why would he be interested in a sexy Manc like yourself?” Billy asks, his eyes soft and gentle. “Do you really not know how lovely you are, my Dommie? How beautiful you are to look at?”
Watching the disbelief in Dom’s expression makes Billy a wee bit sad, because even after the time they’ve spent together, it appears that Dom still doesn’t seem to consider himself desirable or attractive to others.
“I don’t know,” Dom replies, shifting awkwardly in his chair. “You like how I look, but I never thought-”
“Dommie, there’s something very sexy about a man in love, and you definitely have it,” Billy comments, not hiding the pride in his voice. “I’m not surprised that others are drawn to it. I know I am.”
“But I love you,” Dom says quickly, his brow furrowing. “I didn’t mean to-”
“I know, love,” Billy interrupts gently, reaching across the table again and squeezing Dom’s hand in an attempt at comfort. “It’s all right. You didn’t know. I’m not worried about us, or mad at you.”
“The only one I want is you,” Dom finishes in a low voice, thankful that Billy isn’t upset with him.
“I know,” Billy replies warmly. “The feeling is mutual.”
Noticing that it still seems to be weighing on Dom’s mind, Billy tries another tactic.
“So, another first,” he announces. “Unplanned, no less.”
“What?”
“My Dommie had a bloke from school fancy him,” Billy explains. “How lucky for me that I found you first.”
“Bills-”
“I say we celebrate,” Billy announces, his deep green eyes twinkling. “With cookies for dessert.”
Breaking out into a laugh as the tension of the subject slips away, Dom smiles at Billy before returning to his plate, but when Billy tugs on his left hand, Dom looks up in time to watch Billy press a kiss to his knuckles.
“How very lucky for me,” Billy repeats softly as he gazes fondly at Dom.
“You’re crazy,” Dom whispers, a blush pinking his cheeks.
“In love with you,” Billy adds simply.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
After dinner and dessert, Billy insists on doing the dishes while Dom gets to work on his homework in the guest room that has now been outfitted with a desk, a comfortable chair and a table lamp. Billy is surprised and a touch disappointed that Dom has so much work to do, because it means they can’t spend time some together, but he wants Dom to continue with his A levels and do well. Several hours pass in near silence, and it’s after eleven before Dom finally closes his books and turns off the light. Rubbing his weary eyes and pushing away from from the desk, Dom slips out into the living room to find Billy on the chair by the fireplace, nursing a tumbler of scotch and reading a book that he’d ordered in for the shop.
Before Billy can open his mouth to offer to give Dom a back rub, Dom tells him that he’s going to take a shower and then head to bed. Billy is on his feet and down the hall, just about to enter the bedroom when he hears the loo door close with a quiet, yet firm click. It’s the first time since they’ve become lovers that Dom has closed the door, essentially asking for privacy, and the silent request causes a twinge of worry to settle in the pit of Billy’s stomach.
Nearly twenty minutes tick by, the sound of the shower running endlessly only adding to Billy’s concern. Several times, Billy walks over to the door and lifts his hand to knock, but always changes his mind, trying to respect Dom’s wishes. At last, the water shuts off, the sound of the shower curtain being drawn back is heard, and several moments later, Dom opens the door, a cloud of steam billowing out into the larger room. Covered up from head to toe in the robe Billy gave him for Christmas instead of a small towel wrapped around his hips, Dom runs his fingers through his wet hair to draw it off his face.
“Loo’s free,” he says quietly as he walks over to his side of the bed and his chest of drawers.
Biting his tongue to prevent the words he longs to say from escaping, Billy nods and then disappears into the loo to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he reemerges, the bedroom is dark, with the exception of the lamp on Billy’s night stand, but that isn’t what surprises Billy the most. Curled up in a ball, facing away from Billy’s side of the bed, Dom’s eyes are closed, the coverlet tucked around around him, and unless Billy is seeing things, Dom is wearing an old t-shirt. It’s been weeks since there was any sign of Dom’s former wardrobe, the reminder of his past, and how Dom seeks comfort in the worn fabric.
Ever since they became a couple, Dom has slept in nothing but his skin, cuddling with Billy and staying warm, but tonight he’s opted to cover up. Why? Billy hasn’t been told. The therapy session, perhaps? The urge to ask Dom is strong, but so is the tension, Dom’s strange, silent request that they not talk heavy on the air. Quietly removing his trousers, socks and dress shirt, Billy slips between the sheets still wearing his boxers, draws the coverlet over him and then reaches over to switch off the light. Listening to Dom’s breathing, Billy isn’t quite sure if Dom has actually fallen asleep, but in case he has, Billy is careful not to shift too much on the mattress and disturb him.
Rolling onto his side and gazing at the dark outline of his lover in the moonlight, Billy frowns and gnaws on his lower lip. The last time Dom was this quiet was the day after his birthday when he barely ate and just slept, in an attempt to escape the pain. The idea that Dom could be in that amount of distress causes tears to form in Billy’s eyes, but he blinks rapidly to prevent them from falling. Unable to stop himself, Billy closes the distance between their bodies, spooning up behind Dom, almost touching, but not crowding the younger man. Billy lowers his head down and exhales softly as he bends his arm into a makeshift pillow and then tentatively lays a hand on Dom’s hip, just to let Dom know that he is there. In case he’s needed.
Dom’s breathing doesn’t change at the touch, causing Billy to wonder if Dom really is asleep. Not closing his eyes just yet, Billy listens to the sounds of the evening, the light wind outside, a car with a noisy muffler passing by on the street, and his eyelids are starting to grow heavy when suddenly, Dom moves. It’s not much, but it doesn’t escape Billy’s attention. Without saying a word, Dom lifts his arm, reaches down to where Billy’s hand is cupping his hip. For a moment, Billy is afraid that Dom doesn’t want Billy to touch him at all, but then Dom is tugging Billy closer, his arm being guided up until it’s wrapped around Dom’s lithe torso, small fingers resting against Dom’s slightly scruffy cheek.
Snuggling into Dom’s body since he’s indicated that’s what he wants, Billy isn’t all that surprised to discover that Dom is wearing boxers as well, confirming Billy’s suspicions that Dom is completely clothed beneath the forest green coverlet. After sliding his arm under the pillow that they now share, Billy presses his lips to Dom’s shoulder briefly in a loving gesture, and then he lays his head down on the welcoming softness, rubbing his nose gently against the nape of Dom’s slender neck, where the damp, dark blonde strands of hair are curling as they begin to dry. Placing a feathery kiss to Dom’s soft skin, Billy finally settles in for the night, relieved that Dom is allowing him to offer support and comfort as he clearly needs it. When Dom kisses the back of Billy’s hand in return, Billy can’t help but cuddle closer.
“Good night, Dommie,” he whispers.
Pulling Billy’s arm tighter around him, Dom replies with a sleepy, “G’night, Bills.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Wriggling as unobtrusively as possible, Dom valiantly tries to find a comfortable position on the couch, fully aware that Dr. Tyler is watching him.
“So how are you sleeping?” she asks.
“Okay, I guess.”
“Still struggling with the insomnia?”
Silently, Dom nods.
“And the nightmares?”
“Couple nights a week now,” Dom admits. “They’re getting more intense.”
“And have you spoken to Billy about them?” Dr. Tyler asks carefully, not wanting to push too hard.
“No.”
“Why not?” she inquires, one eyebrow arched. “Why do you feel it’s necessary to keep that from him? Don’t you think he’d want to know?”
“It’s not that. Billy’s already done so much for me,” Dom tries to explain, his discomfort very clear. “I just don’t want to disrupt his sleep, too.”
“You think of yourself as a disruption to his life?”
“No, it’s just-” Trailing off, Dom frowns and purses his lips as he searches for the right words. “I can handle this, that’s all. I’m okay.”
“Loving someone means being there for them, through the good and the bad, and it also means allowing the person you love to help you when you need it,” Dr. Tyler says gently. “A relationship has two people in it, Dom, not one.”
“I know,” Dom says, nodding slowly. “But sometimes it feels like it’s all too good to be true. Billy and me, I mean. I never thought it was possible to experience so much love. To feel so much for someone. It’s . . . scary.”
“I know trusting those feelings can be difficult, but it just takes time, and for you to keep moving forward.”
“Yeah.”
“As for your insomnia, have you ever tried yoga?” Dr. Tyler inquires, rising from her seat at the opposite end of the couch and walking over to the bookshelf next to her desk.
“You mean breathing and stretching?”
Glancing over her shoulder, Dr. Tyler laughs lightly and smiles at Dom’s wariness and arched eyebrow. “There’s a little more to it than that, but yes.”
Scanning the shelves and then making a selection, she returns to the couch, passing the book to Dom.
“It’s about focus, relaxation and meditation,” Dr. Tyler explains. “You can do it at home, anytime you feel the need. Day or night. Additionally, it can be used as a form of exercise, helping to tone muscles, improve strength and balance.”
“Really?” Dom asks in surprise, flipping through a few pages.
“You mentioned your concern about your weight last week, since you’ve been gaining it back. This might be the solution for both problems. If nothing else, it’s a healthy avenue to explore, I think.”
“I’ll give it a try,” Dom promises, sliding the palm of his hand back and forth across the cover of the book resting in his lap. “Thanks.”
“I believe that talking with Billy will help as well, but only you can make that decision,” Dr. Tyler adds as she glances at her watch. “And we’re out of time.”
“Same time next week?” Dom asks, opening his backpack and tucking the book inside.
“Yes,” Dr. Tyler confirms. “Oh, and I have what you asked for.”
Walking over to her desk, she retrieves an envelope and hands it to Dom when he crosses the room to join her.
“Thanks.”
“This will bring us up to date, including today,” she tells him. “As requested.”
“I get paid on Friday, so I can write a cheque then,” Dom promises. “Post it to you.”
“That’s not necessary, Dom. You can just bring it next week,” Dr. Tyler replies with a gentle smile. “Take your time.”
“It’s okay, I can manage it.”
The fact that Dom insists on paying for his therapy sessions himself, and refuses to even let Billy see the invoices, concerns Dr. Tyler, as well as his refusal to share his pain with someone he clearly cares for a great deal. The firm resolution that Dom won’t be a burden to anyone, especially his lover, weighs heavily on his slender shoulders, and is, in Dr. Tyler’s opinion, at the heart of Dom’s issues. The trust he once had was obviously destroyed, rather painfully, and letting people get close to him, to lean on them, is not something Dom is comfortable doing. It’s a protective measure, a defense to keep most people at arm’s length. While it may be lonely, Dom feels safe there.
“Have a good week,” Dr. Tyler says in farewell, waving before closing the door.
Moving back over to her desk, Dr. Tyler finishes up her notes for the session, reflecting on what she and Dom have discussed in recent weeks, her thoughts shifting and lingering on her concerns.
Dom’s parents are unaware of their son’s history, what he did in order to survive the years away from their care, and Dom is adamant that they never find out. While Dom’s shame about his past isn’t with him every minute of every day, the idea of confessing to his parents and risking the relationship that has just barely begun to heal is out of the question. Losing his parents now, forever, would break Dom at the center of his soul, and there would be no coming back from that. It’s Dom’s choice to stay silent, to not burden the people he loves with his mistakes. He has chosen to bear that secret alone, Billy being the only exception, outside of doctor/patient confidentiality. And Mark, a coworker and friend at the book shop who is aware of Dom’s past.
There is plenty that Dom has yet to share with her, of that, Dr. Tyler is sure of, but she’s pleased with their progress thus far. Unfortunately, it’s going to get much worse for Dom before it gets better, and she can only hope that Dom takes her advice and allows Billy to help him when he’s in need of comfort and support.
As for Dom’s parents, that’s another subject altogether.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Shifting on the mattress, Billy sleepily rolls onto his side, rubbing his cheek against the pillow as his hand slides across the sheet, seeking Dom’s slumbering form. When he is not rewarded with warm, bare skin and his eyes flutter open, Billy frowns as he lifts his head a few inches and looks around. Finding the moonlit room empty, Billy listens, wondering if Dom’s in the loo, his tiny bladder forcing him out of bed in the middle of the night. Again, Billy is unsuccessful in locating his lover.
Kicking back the coverlet and reaching for his robe, Billy slips it on as he walks over to the bedroom door, opening it quietly and then proceeds down the hall. The flat is dark and quiet as Billy checks the living room and kitchen for signs of Dom, or where he’s gotten to. Now getting worried, Billy starts to return to the bedroom, only to stop short when he realizes that the door to the guest room is cracked open. Soundlessly nudging the door open a few inches, Billy is filled with confusion when his gaze lands on Dom as he lays curled up in his old bed.
With the sheet and navy blue coverlet drawn up to his shoulder, Dom is facing away from Billy, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Before Billy can say a word or move, Dom’s breathing changes, and then younger man moves. As though searching for a comfortable position, Dom rolls onto his belly, hugging a pillow to his chest, but a few moments later he shifts again, flipping onto his back and raising his arms until they’re crossed over his face. Several uneasy breaths are taken, and then Dom rubs a hand over his face as he sighs heavily.
“Dommie?” Billy says softly before taking a few steps into the room.
Quickly taking his hand away from his face, Dom pushes himself up onto his elbows as he looks over, a frown creasing his brow.
“Aww, shite. I’m sorry, Bills,” he says sadly. “I didn’t mean to wake you-”
“What are you doing in here?” Billy interrupts.
“I was restless and couldn’t sleep,” Dom explains. “I didn’t want to disturb you, so I came in here. But I still woke you up.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Billy inquires gently, sinking down on the edge of the bed.
Shrugging, Dom lays back down, his head lolled to one side as he gazes at Billy. “You should go back to bed. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
With a snort of derision, Billy stands up, slips off his robe and grabs hold of the coverlet.
“Move over,” he instructs before sliding between the sheets.
“Billy,” Dom protests.
“Shut it,” Billy admonishes. “And c’mere.”
Cuddling the younger man to his chest, Billy wraps an arm around Dom’s slender body while the fingers of his other hand pets Dom’s tousled hair.
“What’s going on, Dommie?” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Why can’t you sleep?”
“Just thinking,” Dom mumbles as he nuzzles into the Scotsman, hiding his eyes.
“About?”
“Stuff.”
Kissing Dom’s silky hair, Billy begins stroking the nape of Dom’s neck.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Billy asks. “It might make you feel better.”
“No, I’ve already woken you up. I don’t want to keep-”
“Dommie, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to help,” Billy continues, cutting off Dom’s protest. “I’m not going to pressure you, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”
“But you’ve already done so much-”
“Stop that,” Billy interjects. “This isn’t about keeping score.”
“Sorry,” Dom says miserably, starting to pull back.
Tightening his arm around Dom, Billy slides a leg behind his lover’s knees. “Stay here, Dommie. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I know that you feel better when I hold you.”
“Why do you put up with me?” Dom asks as he looks up into Billy’s gentle eyes.
“Because I love you,” Billy replies simply. “Now c’mere.”
Sighing as he surrenders, Dom curls into his lover’s embrace, laying his cheek against Billy’s bare chest so he can listen to his heartbeat. For several minutes there is silence, the only movement Billy’s hand rubbing Dom’s t-shirt clad back in slow caresses.
“She asked me about how I was treated,” Dom says finally. “What I felt when we were coming to an agreement on a price. What I told myself.”
Knowing that she is the therapist Dom has been seeing for a month now, Billy nods and kisses the top of Dom’s head.
“Bad memories?”
“Yeah,” Dom says softly, drawing in an unsteady breath. “I thought I could just push it away, never have to think about it again. I was so shut down then, so I didn’t have to feel.”
“After what you’d been through, it’s understandable” Billy soothes.
“In a way, it was like it wasn’t happening to me,” Dom continues. “But it was.”
“I’m sorry, Dommie.”
“I don’t want to remember, Bills. I just want it to go away,” Dom adds, a harsh sob stealing his voice.
“I know, love.”
“I hate remembering their hands on me,” Dom whispers. “They were never soft and gentle like yours. I didn’t want them to come near me. It was nothing like when you’re touching me.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“After the first time, you know, that way-” Not wanting to say the words out loud, Dom trails off.
Understanding that Dom is referring to the first time he was paid to have intercourse, Billy hugs Dom tighter and nods. “Aye?”
“As soon as he left, I threw up in the loo and then took a shower,” Dom confesses miserably. “Despite everything I’d done up until then, I’d put that off for as long as I could, but then I needed the money for my rent. So I did it. And I cried myself to sleep for a week.”
“I’m so sorry, Dommie,” Billy murmurs gently, his hands sliding over Dom’s neck and back, his touch offering support and comfort.
“When I think about that, I feel dirty, and that no matter how many showers I take, I’ll never get clean.”
“You’re not dirty,” Billy croons tenderly, kissing Dom’s hair and cuddling him close. “Dommie, you’re not.”
“But that’s how I feel when I have to think about it,” Dom finishes, blinking rapidly to force back the excess moisture in his eyes. “And I’m scared that I’m always going to feel this way. That’s why I shut down in the first place, so I didn’t have to deal with that.”
“This is what you’ve been thinking about for the last few days, isn’t it?” Billy asks.
“Yeah. I can’t stop.”
“No wonder you couldn’t sleep with all that running around in your poor head,” Billy soothes, smoothing back Dom’s tousled blonde hair and kissing his forehead. “It’s understandable.”
Exhaling heavily, Dom looks up, the uncertainty clear in his eyes. “Are you- Are you sorry? That I told you?”
“No, Dommie. I love you, and I want to be here for you,” Billy replies tenderly. “I told you before that there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me stop loving you. I meant every word.”
“But you don’t know all the things I’ve done,” Dom comments, his brow furrowing. “They paid, and I did it. All of it. Whatever they wanted.”
“Everything you did, Dommie, was to survive,” Billy explains as his hands cup Dom’s face, his thumbs brushing away the dampness beneath Dom’s sad eyes. “That was not who you are. You are not your past. What you’ve done, doesn’t dictate your future. You got out of that life, and now you’re leaving it behind. You need to stop punishing yourself.”
“I’m trying,” Dom whispers.
“I know, love. I know.”
Exhaling again, Dom realizes that his chest is aching less, and the heaviness on his shoulders seems lighter.
“Hey Bills?”
“Aye?” Billy replies, letting his hands slide down, gently caressing Dom’s shoulders.
“I think it did help,” Dom says with relief. “Telling you, I mean.”
“Good.”
“Want to go back to bed?” Dom inquires.
“Do you think you can sleep?” Billy counters. “I’m not going to let stay up all by yourself.”
“I’m going to try,” Dom says cautiously. “Lets go.”
“We’re here now,” Billy replies mildly. “Why leave a perfectly good bed?”
“You’re too tired to move, aren’t you?” Dom asks knowingly.
“No, but I am nice and warm,” Billy admits, giving Dom a quick kiss on the lips. “It’s cold out there.”
“Okay.”
Settling into the circle of Billy’s loving embrace, Dom presses his cheek against Billy’s chest again, letting the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat soothe him.
“Dommie?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t sneak out of bed again, all right?” Billy requests. “Let me be here for you. Please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Billy presses.
“I promise, Bills.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey Bills?”
“Aye?”
“You said you’d never be in my bed.”
Remembering back to when Dom moved in, and the rule he made about never being in Dom’s bed, Billy smiles fondly. “That seems so long ago, and technically, this isn’t your bed anymore. It’s the guest room. I’m in your bed every single night, and you’re in mine.”
“I have you now,” Dom says under his breath. “And I’m never going to let you go.”
“That makes two of us, love,” Billy murmurs quietly. “Now go to sleep.”
With the sensations of Billy’s fingers stroking his hair and rubbing his back, Dom closes his eyes and gives in to the exhaustion of recent weeks, and once he’s sure that his lover is peacefully sleeping, Billy lets his eyes close as well.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Hearing the alarm clock beeping in the distance, Billy’s eyes crack open, and he smiles when he realizes that Dom is sprawled limply over him, snoring ever so softly. It would seem that talking about what was bothering him helped, and Dom was finally able to get some rest. Not wanting to awaken his lover just yet, Billy carefully starts to slide out from under the sleeping man, but his efforts prove to be in vain when Dom’s breathing changes and his hand tightens at Billy’s waist.
“Where are you going?” Dom asks sleepily.
“Go back to sleep, Dommie,” Billy whispers. “It’s not time to get up yet.”
“Stay.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Billy adds softly. “I’ll come wake you up in a little while.”
The sleepless nights have taken their toll on Dom, as he decides not to fight Billy, sinking into the pillow as Billy slides out of bed, stands up and draws the navy coverlet over Dom’s shoulder. Pressing a feathery kiss to Dom’s forehead, causing him to sigh ever so softly, Billy soundlessly leaves the room, closing the door behind him and moving into their bedroom. Tightening his robe around his bare body as he walks into the loo after switching off the alarm clock, Billy turns on the water in the shower before rubbing a hand over his face in an effort to wake himself up. Truth be told, Billy would’ve much preferred to stay in bed, as evidenced by the aching hardness between his thighs, but his brain is attempting to overrule that need, as Dom is clearly not in the mood this morning.
Starting off the day with a round of lovemaking has become habit since they became a couple, but Billy understands why Dom went back to sleep instead. Looking over when the steam starts to fog the mirror, obscuring the sight of himself, Billy shrugs out of his robe and then steps under the hot spray. It almost feels like old times, back when Dom was sleeping down the hall and Billy was secretly wanking in the shower in an effort to contain his lust.
Before Billy knows it, one hand is braced against the tile wall while he begins to stroke himself off with the other. Erotic imagery of his lover beneath him, above him, wrapped around him and mewling with pleasure, flows through Billy’s mind as his fingers slide along the length of his throbbing arousal. Squeezing and stroking himself, Billy’s breath grows heavy and uneven, Dom’s name falling from his lips in a soft plea for release.
As hot water pours over his shoulders and down his back, Billy begins to pump his hand faster, feeling the wave start to rise in his belly. A shiver slides through his limbs, and as his moans of pleasure grow louder, he bites down on his lower lip in an effort to muffle the sound. The pressure is building quickly, bubbling up, threatening to explode, and it’s so close that Billy can almost taste it.
“So you really do wank in the shower,” Dom comments, his tone mild, but his voice hoarse with desire. “I've been wondering about that, ever since you told me.”
Stumbling back, Billy’s eyes widen and a fierce blush stains his cheeks as Dom slides the shower curtain open enough so he can slip inside the small enclosure. Hair tousled in a sensual, erotic mess and eyes half-lidded, Dom’s movements are lazy and effortlessly seductive as he settles into a more comfortable position, leaning against the wall.
“Dom-”
“Don’t stop on my account,” Dom adds, eyes dark as his gaze slides hungrily over his lover’s aroused form. “I’d like to watch you, if you don’t mind.”
Billy opens his mouth to speak, but his voice refuses to work.
“You said you saw me wanking once,” Dom tells him. “I want to know what it looks like.”
Meeting Dom’s eyes and holding it for a long moment, Billy releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and then slowly wraps his fingers around his erection once again. Glancing down, almost shyly, Billy wordlessly invites Dom to look lower, tipping his head back as he arches his spine, giving himself over to the needs of his body. Pumping his fist quickly and rocking his hips wantonly, Billy keeps his eyes closed, losing himself in the beautiful images of Dom as they make love.
Billy’s teetering on the brink of release, breathless cries of pleasure tumbling out a barely intelligible Scottish lilt, when suddenly Dom’s fingers are sliding over Billy’s sensitive tip. Eyes flashing open with shock and a ragged moan filling the air, Billy’s control shatters and then glittering fluid is pulsing into Dom’s hand as their lips meet in a deep, wet, passionate kiss.
Sagging against the wall on trembling legs when Dom’s long tongue invades his mouth, Billy can only clutch desperately at his lover’s wet, lithe body and whimper his pleasure. Finally bringing the kiss to an end long moments later, Dom rubs his nose affectionately against Billy’s scruffy cheek.
“Thank you,” Dom whispers, sliding his long arms around Billy’s waist and drawing the older man close. “That was perfect.”
“I’m glad you liked it,” Billy replies breathlessly, tipping his head one side and leaning in to nibble on Dom’s slender neck. “I was thinking about you, when I’m inside you.”
“Aww, Bills.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Billy asks before his tongue darts out to catching a droplet of water clinging to Dom’s earlobe. “I told you that I’d wake you.”
“Missed you,” Dom replies simply. “And then I heard the shower and wondered . . .”
“Ah.”
“Do you do this, uh, often?” Dom inquires, breath catching when Billy’s palms flatten on the small of his back, applying gentle pressure to bring their bodies closer.
“Not since you and I started sharing a bed,” Billy says with a smile, enjoying the drowsy lust in Dom’s expressive eyes. He may still be a bit sleepy, but Dom’s body is definitely waking up, especially below the waist. “Want me to take care of that for you?”
“If you want,” Dom replies, almost shyly. “Just kiss me.”
“Absolutely,” Billy murmurs fervently before swiftly reversing their positions, pressing Dom against the wall as his hand slides down Dom’s chest. Lingering to caress each of Dom’s nipples and tease his navel, Billy’s fingers finally make their way lower until he’s cupping Dom’s arousal intimately.
“How do you want it?” Billy asks, smiling and rubbing their noses together affectionately. “Fast? Slow?”
“Surprise me,” Dom says cheekily.
Drawing Dom’s pouty lower lip into his cherubic mouth for a teasing suck, Billy nudges a knee between Dom’s thighs, guiding a leg up to wrap around his hip, their arousals touching. After letting their lips part briefly, Billy quickly dives in again, kissing his lover deeply, their tongues tangling messily while his fingers slowly tighten around Dom’s now throbbing erection. Warm, soothing water pouring over them, Dom slides his arms around Billy’s shoulders, drawing his long, elegant fingers through Billy’s wet hair as they kiss, his breath becoming uneven when Billy brushes the pad of his thumb across Dom’s sensitive tip. Whimpering into Billy’s mouth, Dom rocks his hips forward, wordlessly asking for more of Billy’s tantalizing touch.
Almost dizzy from lust and lack of oxygen, not to mention the exquisite sensation of his lover bucking and writhing in his arms, Billy tears their mouths apart, only to dip his head and feast on the slender column of Dom’s neck, nibbling and sucking at the soft skin. Tilting his head to one side to give Billy more room to work while his hips move faster, the desire for release builds inside Dom at a frantic pace. Lapping at a rosy bruise now forming on Dom’s skin, Billy pumps his fist faster, rocking his body into Dom’s in a similar rhythm, increasing Dom’s pleasure, and when Dom thrashes wildly against him, fingers clutching his shoulders and leg tightening around his waist, Billy presses closer.
“Come for me, Dommie,” Billy almost purrs, in a low, hoarse voice, his lips barely an inch from Dom’s ear.
Crying out raggedly, Dom feels his control slip through his fingers like grains of sand, his body shaking as release overwhelms him. Billy smiles fondly and then draws the younger man into his arms after watching the glittering fluid spill over his knuckles, allowing Dom’s raised leg to slide down over his hip. Cuddling his now trembling lover, Billy smoothes back Dom’s hair with one hand while this other arm wraps around his waist. With swollen lips and glazed eyes, Dom takes a few moments to catch his breath, and then smiles.
“Do you realize what we just did?” Dom asks, head lolling to one side as his fingers dance lightly over Billy’s back.
“Aye,” Billy replies softly, kissing Dom’s cheek. “Another first.”
“Shower sex,” Dom breathes and the sighs with contentment. “That was better than I thought it would be.”
“Really?”
“I knew it would be good, because it would be with you,” Dom explains. “I love hot showers and I love you, but that was amazing.”
“Actually, we had two firsts,” Billy comments mildly before reaching over to grab Dom’s bottle of papaya shampoo. “Unless you consider me wanking part of the shower sex.”
“If I say yes, does it mean that you’ll do it again?” Dom asks with wide, innocent eyes. A moment later, his façade breaks and he smiles seductively. “The wanking, I mean.”
Flipping open the lid of the shampoo, Billy pours some into Dom’s palm, a thoughtful expression on his face. Watching Dom lather his dark blonde hair into sweet-smelling suds as his own hands slide lazily over his lover’s bare skin, Billy draws out the moment for as long as possible, just relishing in the intimacy.
“Bills?”
“Dommie, I’ll do anything you want,” Billy says finally, his eyes soft and tender. “I just want to be with you.”
“Would you like it if I wanked for you?” Dom inquires in a low voice.
An instant later, Billy’s tongue is sliding between Dom’s parted lips, hands possessively cupping the sweet curve of Dom’s arse. Arching his back to bring their bodies even closer, the soap in Dom’s hair is forgotten as they cling to one another, hungrily worshipping each others mouths. Reluctantly ending the kiss when his lungs scream for air, Billy rubs his scruffy cheek against Dom’s affectionately.
“Does that answer your question?” he asks breathlessly.
“I’ll add it to the list,” Dom replies cheekily before shifting and the leaning back in Billy’s embrace to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.
Silently gazing at the sight before him, Billy’s hands are gentle but firm as they clasp Dom’s narrow waist, his thumbs stroking the younger man’s sharp hipbones.
“Bills?”
Tearing his eyes away from the smooth expanse of his lover’s flat stomach, Billy looks up into the inscrutable expression covering Dom’s face. Releasing a breath he’d been holding, Billy pulls Dom closer so they’re pressed together from nose to knees.
“I love you, Dommie.”
“I know,” Dom replies tenderly, nuzzling into Billy and kissing the corner of his bow-shaped lips. “I love you, too.”
Before Billy can say another word, Dom lays his head down on Billy’s shoulder, pressing his nose into the side of Billy’s neck as arms wrap around one another snugly. There is a strange tremor in Dom’s slender form as he presses into the older man as much as possible, as though trying to surround himself with Billy. The urge to ask Dom what he’s thinking about, what’s troubling him, is strong, but Billy forces himself to stay silent, not wanting to make Dom talk before he’s ready. Guiding their entwined bodies under the hot spray, Billy gently strokes the nape of Dom’s neck while he kisses Dom’s damp hair, hoping that his touch will soothe and comfort.
“I love you,” Billy murmurs quietly, cradling Dom close. “Always.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 5
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: Hard R, I think. Maybe more.
Summary: A journey begins with a single step, unexpected firsts, and a dark cloud begins to form.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Considering the sleeping difficulties I’ve had of late, this chapter seems rather fitting. Warning of angst.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3
Chapter 4
Shifting in the soft, maroon, leather chair, Dom swallows hard and looks around the room. The walls are a warm shade of forest green, the carpet attractive, yet serviceable, and not overwhelming to the decor. Dom finds it ironic that despite all the efforts made to create a relaxing space, he’s nervous, more nervous than when he saw Viggo for the first time. Back then, the physical pain was enough to push past his worry and shame, but now he doesn’t have that reason. There’s nothing to distract him.
Glancing at his waist, Dom notices a loose thread along the edge of the right pocket of his denims and he idly picks at it, thankful for something to keep his hands busy. The room is so quiet that Dom can hear the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall, noticing how slow it is compared to the pounding of his heart against the wall of his chest. Gnawing on a short, varnished fingernail, Dom is seriously considering leaving, as his body is now vibrating with tension, his left leg bouncing restlessly, and then the door across the room swings open.
Starting at her feet, Dom’s gaze travels up the woman’s slender, yet curvy figure, not stopping until he meets her eyes. They’re blue, and much like when Dom met Viggo for the first time, they are kind, helping to ease some of the tension in Dom’s body. Her smile has a sweetness to it, and when the corners of her wide mouth lift up, her eyes sparkle.
“Hello Dom,” she says warmly. “I’m Dr. Tyler. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Won’t you come in?”
After pushing himself up out of the squishy chair and onto suddenly wobbly legs, Dom slings his backpack over his shoulder and follows the taller woman into a cozy room with a desk, two armchairs, a coffee table, and a long couch along one wall. The room is decorated very similarly to the reception area, but the walls are a lighter shade, helping the room to appear larger. Gauzy curtains cover the windows, allowing light to enter to room, but ensuring privacy as well.
“Do I, uh, do I lay down on the couch?” Dom asks uncertainly, shifting from one foot to the other.
Smiling, Dr. Tyler gestures to the pair of chairs in front of the desk. “I thought we would just sit and talk today, but you can lay down if you want.”
“No,” Dom replies quickly. “Sitting is good.”
“Okay then.”
Once settled, the nervousness begins to build in Dom again.
“So, uh-” Not knowing what to say, Dom flounders.
“Would you like me to tell you how I like to get to know new patients?” Dr. Tyler suggests in a gentle voice.
“Sure.”
“First off, anything we talk about is completely confidential,” she begins. “Nothing you say to me will ever be repeated to anyone, unless you want me to. The only exception to that is if I believe you are going to harm yourself, or someone else. Then, I'll call in whatever help I think is necessary.”
“Makes sense.”
“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to spend today getting acquainted, get to know you a bit. I’d like to talk about what brought you here, in general, and see if we’ll be able to work together,” Dr. Tyler continues. “In the event you would rather talk to someone else, I can refer you to a number of colleagues. I promise I won’t be offended. My intention is to make sure that you find someone you feel comfortable with.”
Feeling the ache in his belly start to dissipate slightly, Dom nods. “Okay.”
“And you are more than welcome to ask me questions about where I’ve studied, my qualifications, or any concerns you have. I’ll give you a brief biography to take home, so you can think about it or discuss it with whomever you choose.”
“Do you know Viggo very well?” Dom inquires, curious why the Danish-named doctor chose this woman for him to talk to.
“Just over five years now,” she explains. “I volunteer one day a week at his clinic. Girls who find themselves pregnant, people in bad relationships, children who need an adult to help them speak up. Sometimes talking about it can make a big difference. All the difference.”
“Is that where you met him?”
“Yes, I heard about his clinic and decided I wanted to know more about it.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Are you a student, attending the university?” Dr. Tyler asks, gesturing at the backpack at Dom’s feet.
“No. Finishing my A levels,” Dom corrects, shifting in his seat “I was talking them in Manchester before I left.”
Noticing the dark look in Dom’s eyes, the older woman’s head tilts to one side as she watches him carefully. “How long ago was that?”
Swallowing hard, Dom slowly exhales. “Just over four years. A lifetime ago.”
“Do you want to tell me why you left?” Dr. Tyler asks softly.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Smiling when the sound of Dom draws him into the kitchen, Billy leans against the door jam, watching his lover stir several pots on the cooker. It appears that Dom is in a good mood, because as he moves gracefully about the room, tidying the countertops and checking on dinner, it’s almost as though he’s dancing. And . . . singing?
Do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell
Yes, Dom is definitely singing. Granted, it’s very softly, but he’s singing.
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
Crossing the room silently, Billy slides his arms around Dom’s narrow waist and cuddles him close, his bow-shaped lips less than an inch from Dom’s ear.
“I'm in love with you,” Billy croons, completing the verse before pressing a tender kiss to the sensitive spot just below Dom’s ear.
Turning in his lover’s embrace, Dom’s eyes are soft and almost shy as they meet Billy’s and his long arms slide around Billy’s shoulders. Bringing their lips together in a warm kiss, Dom sighs and then whimpers with pleasure when Billy’s small fingers slip under the hem of his t-shirt to stroke the soft skin of his lower back and his tongue traces the seam of Dom’s mouth. Dom parts his lips and invites the wet heat of Billy’s pointy tongue into his mouth as hands roam eagerly, first up Dom’s back to his shoulder blades and then down, dipping under the waistband of his low slung blue jeans.
Feasting on Dom’s pouty lower lip and the sweetness of his mouth, Billy slides them away from the heat of the cooker and then deepens the kiss, tightening one arm around the younger man’s waist. Billy feels his lungs start to protest as his fingers card deftly through the dark blonde strands of Dom’s silky hair, and it is with great reluctance that he brings the passionate exchange to an end.
“Wow,” Dom pants breathlessly, his eyes drowsy with lust. “Remind me to make teriyaki stir-fry more often. I had no idea that it was an aphrodisiac.”
“Silly git,” Billy replies, rolling his hips in a lazy rhythm, rubbing his half-hard arousal against Dom’s hip teasingly. “That’s not why I kissed you.”
“Let me turn off the heat under the rice-”
“No, don’t,” Billy interrupts.
“You don’t want to?” Dom asks in confusion, glancing down at the bulge in Billy’s trousers. “I thought-”
“I want to eat.”
“So you’re after my cooking, not my body,” Dom deduces with mock dismay, shaking his head. “Way to crush a bloke’s ego there, Bills.”
“Not want you and your body? Don’t even joke about that,” Billy fires back, cupping the sweet curve of Dom’s arse with both hands. “I’m just hungry. I’ve been downstairs while you’ve been cooking up a storm. The smell has been torturing me for over an hour.”
“You can smell my baking downstairs, can you?” Dom inquires with wide, innocent eyes.
“Mark almost begged me to come upstairs to see if you’d give him a cookie,” Billy reveals, grinning with amusement. “I think if you’d showed up with a plate of them he’d have offered to work your next shift out of sheer gratitude.”
Laughing, Dom glances over at the several dozen chocolate chip cookies now cooling on wire racks, the result of his need to distract himself after his first therapy session.
“I’ll make sure to leave some downstairs tomorrow,” Dom promises.
“But then I’ll eat them all,” Billy protests. “Mark’s not in until Thursday.”
“What, are you worried that you’re going to get fat?” Dom asks in disbelief. “I’ll love you no matter what you look like, Bills. Besides, I like your belly.”
“You’re the one who needs gain weight, not me,” Billy protests.
“Set the table while I finish making dinner?” Dom requests, not so subtly squirming out of Billy’s embrace and averting his eyes.
“Dom, wait,” Billy says, reaching and catching one of Dom’s hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“You know I’m doing my best,” Dom murmurs quietly. “I don’t know why you keep-”
“I’ll never say it again,” Billy interrupts, his tone full of regret. “I promise.”
Drawing in a deep breath and releasing it slowly, Dom finally meets Billy’s now worried gaze.
“Forgive me?” Billy adds softly, nervously gnawing on his lower lip.
“Like I could stay mad at you,” Dom replies with a shake of his head, stepping closer and allowing Billy’s arm to slip around his waist. “May as well ask me to stop breathing.”
The lovers share a slow, soft kiss, and when they part, the light has begun to return to Dom’s expressive eyes.
“Thank you,” Billy murmurs before kissing Dom’s cheek.
“Set the table, yeah?” Dom requests. “I need to stir the rice.”
“Okay.”
There is a comfortable silence between them as the table is laid out and the meal served. After sliding into their seats across from one another, Billy reaches across the table to lay his hand over Dom’s before speaking.
“It looks wonderful,” he tells Dom, causing the younger man to blush. “Thank you.”
“Hope it tastes good,” Dom murmurs quietly, ladling a small scoop of rice onto his plate, adding more to it when he hears Billy almost choke in an attempt to stifle the comment bubbling up in his throat.
Truth be told, Dom isn’t hungry in the least, but busying himself in the kitchen was the only thing he could think of to keep his mind occupied, or at least distracted. The fact that Billy hasn’t mentioned the therapy session is a blessing, because it means that Dom doesn’t have to tell a lie. For now, he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Dom is hoping that a delicious meal will distract Billy for a while longer, perhaps even the entire evening.
Covering the bed of rice on his plate with vegetables and tender strips of marinated chicken, Billy asks, “So, how was-”
Dom can’t suppress the violent flinch as Billy starts to ask the question he’s been dreading, and as his eyes widen, Billy changes his mind about what he was going to say. In the past, Billy’s made the mistake of inadvertently causing Dom pain by pressing him to talk, and he’s not going to do that again. Never again will he knowingly cause Dom to suffer.
“-school?” Billy finishes, silently relieved when Dom visibly relaxes, just a wee bit.
“It was all right,” Dom replies before digging into his food. “I like my history class, but math is another story. I’ve got lots of homework tonight.”
Looking up so their eyes meet, Dom gives Billy a small smile. A moment later, his brow furrows as a memory resurfaces.
“What?” Billy asks.
“I had this strange conversation with a bloke from my English class at lunch today,” Dom tells him.
“What were you talking about that was so strange?”
“Actually, it wasn’t what we were talking about, but the way the conversation ended that was weird.”
“What do you mean?” Billy asks, embrace a change in subject, as it seems to be something that Dom is open and comfortable with discussing.
“Well, he was asking about my courses, what I liked to do on the weekend,” Dom explains. “We started to talk about that new comedy that’s playing at the theatre, and I told him how you and I did a Monty Python marathon for my birthday, and all the movies we’ve watched together, and then all of a sudden he had to go.”
“Not a Monty Python fan, is he?” Billy wonders aloud.
“I guess not. One minute he was smiling and laughing, and then he got this strange look on his face. He was almost cold and withdrawn, and before I knew it, he was gone,” Dom continues. “Then twenty minutes later I see him chatting up a different bloke from our class.”
By the time Dom finishes his story, a smile is turning up the corners of Billy’s mouth and he’s suppressing the urge to laugh. Dom’s innocence and endearing confusion about the situation is refreshing and touching, and Billy can’t help but be moved by his lover’s sweetness.
“What?” Dom asks when he notices that Billy is staring at him.
“Dommie, is it possible that perhaps he fancied you?” Billy inquires gently. “And maybe when he realized that you weren’t available, he decided to move on, to someone who was?”
“Huh?”
“I think he was flirting with you,” Billy supplies. “Letting you know that he likes you.”
“What? No,” Dom protests. “Why would he-”
“What? Why would he be interested in a sexy Manc like yourself?” Billy asks, his eyes soft and gentle. “Do you really not know how lovely you are, my Dommie? How beautiful you are to look at?”
Watching the disbelief in Dom’s expression makes Billy a wee bit sad, because even after the time they’ve spent together, it appears that Dom still doesn’t seem to consider himself desirable or attractive to others.
“I don’t know,” Dom replies, shifting awkwardly in his chair. “You like how I look, but I never thought-”
“Dommie, there’s something very sexy about a man in love, and you definitely have it,” Billy comments, not hiding the pride in his voice. “I’m not surprised that others are drawn to it. I know I am.”
“But I love you,” Dom says quickly, his brow furrowing. “I didn’t mean to-”
“I know, love,” Billy interrupts gently, reaching across the table again and squeezing Dom’s hand in an attempt at comfort. “It’s all right. You didn’t know. I’m not worried about us, or mad at you.”
“The only one I want is you,” Dom finishes in a low voice, thankful that Billy isn’t upset with him.
“I know,” Billy replies warmly. “The feeling is mutual.”
Noticing that it still seems to be weighing on Dom’s mind, Billy tries another tactic.
“So, another first,” he announces. “Unplanned, no less.”
“What?”
“My Dommie had a bloke from school fancy him,” Billy explains. “How lucky for me that I found you first.”
“Bills-”
“I say we celebrate,” Billy announces, his deep green eyes twinkling. “With cookies for dessert.”
Breaking out into a laugh as the tension of the subject slips away, Dom smiles at Billy before returning to his plate, but when Billy tugs on his left hand, Dom looks up in time to watch Billy press a kiss to his knuckles.
“How very lucky for me,” Billy repeats softly as he gazes fondly at Dom.
“You’re crazy,” Dom whispers, a blush pinking his cheeks.
“In love with you,” Billy adds simply.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
After dinner and dessert, Billy insists on doing the dishes while Dom gets to work on his homework in the guest room that has now been outfitted with a desk, a comfortable chair and a table lamp. Billy is surprised and a touch disappointed that Dom has so much work to do, because it means they can’t spend time some together, but he wants Dom to continue with his A levels and do well. Several hours pass in near silence, and it’s after eleven before Dom finally closes his books and turns off the light. Rubbing his weary eyes and pushing away from from the desk, Dom slips out into the living room to find Billy on the chair by the fireplace, nursing a tumbler of scotch and reading a book that he’d ordered in for the shop.
Before Billy can open his mouth to offer to give Dom a back rub, Dom tells him that he’s going to take a shower and then head to bed. Billy is on his feet and down the hall, just about to enter the bedroom when he hears the loo door close with a quiet, yet firm click. It’s the first time since they’ve become lovers that Dom has closed the door, essentially asking for privacy, and the silent request causes a twinge of worry to settle in the pit of Billy’s stomach.
Nearly twenty minutes tick by, the sound of the shower running endlessly only adding to Billy’s concern. Several times, Billy walks over to the door and lifts his hand to knock, but always changes his mind, trying to respect Dom’s wishes. At last, the water shuts off, the sound of the shower curtain being drawn back is heard, and several moments later, Dom opens the door, a cloud of steam billowing out into the larger room. Covered up from head to toe in the robe Billy gave him for Christmas instead of a small towel wrapped around his hips, Dom runs his fingers through his wet hair to draw it off his face.
“Loo’s free,” he says quietly as he walks over to his side of the bed and his chest of drawers.
Biting his tongue to prevent the words he longs to say from escaping, Billy nods and then disappears into the loo to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he reemerges, the bedroom is dark, with the exception of the lamp on Billy’s night stand, but that isn’t what surprises Billy the most. Curled up in a ball, facing away from Billy’s side of the bed, Dom’s eyes are closed, the coverlet tucked around around him, and unless Billy is seeing things, Dom is wearing an old t-shirt. It’s been weeks since there was any sign of Dom’s former wardrobe, the reminder of his past, and how Dom seeks comfort in the worn fabric.
Ever since they became a couple, Dom has slept in nothing but his skin, cuddling with Billy and staying warm, but tonight he’s opted to cover up. Why? Billy hasn’t been told. The therapy session, perhaps? The urge to ask Dom is strong, but so is the tension, Dom’s strange, silent request that they not talk heavy on the air. Quietly removing his trousers, socks and dress shirt, Billy slips between the sheets still wearing his boxers, draws the coverlet over him and then reaches over to switch off the light. Listening to Dom’s breathing, Billy isn’t quite sure if Dom has actually fallen asleep, but in case he has, Billy is careful not to shift too much on the mattress and disturb him.
Rolling onto his side and gazing at the dark outline of his lover in the moonlight, Billy frowns and gnaws on his lower lip. The last time Dom was this quiet was the day after his birthday when he barely ate and just slept, in an attempt to escape the pain. The idea that Dom could be in that amount of distress causes tears to form in Billy’s eyes, but he blinks rapidly to prevent them from falling. Unable to stop himself, Billy closes the distance between their bodies, spooning up behind Dom, almost touching, but not crowding the younger man. Billy lowers his head down and exhales softly as he bends his arm into a makeshift pillow and then tentatively lays a hand on Dom’s hip, just to let Dom know that he is there. In case he’s needed.
Dom’s breathing doesn’t change at the touch, causing Billy to wonder if Dom really is asleep. Not closing his eyes just yet, Billy listens to the sounds of the evening, the light wind outside, a car with a noisy muffler passing by on the street, and his eyelids are starting to grow heavy when suddenly, Dom moves. It’s not much, but it doesn’t escape Billy’s attention. Without saying a word, Dom lifts his arm, reaches down to where Billy’s hand is cupping his hip. For a moment, Billy is afraid that Dom doesn’t want Billy to touch him at all, but then Dom is tugging Billy closer, his arm being guided up until it’s wrapped around Dom’s lithe torso, small fingers resting against Dom’s slightly scruffy cheek.
Snuggling into Dom’s body since he’s indicated that’s what he wants, Billy isn’t all that surprised to discover that Dom is wearing boxers as well, confirming Billy’s suspicions that Dom is completely clothed beneath the forest green coverlet. After sliding his arm under the pillow that they now share, Billy presses his lips to Dom’s shoulder briefly in a loving gesture, and then he lays his head down on the welcoming softness, rubbing his nose gently against the nape of Dom’s slender neck, where the damp, dark blonde strands of hair are curling as they begin to dry. Placing a feathery kiss to Dom’s soft skin, Billy finally settles in for the night, relieved that Dom is allowing him to offer support and comfort as he clearly needs it. When Dom kisses the back of Billy’s hand in return, Billy can’t help but cuddle closer.
“Good night, Dommie,” he whispers.
Pulling Billy’s arm tighter around him, Dom replies with a sleepy, “G’night, Bills.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Wriggling as unobtrusively as possible, Dom valiantly tries to find a comfortable position on the couch, fully aware that Dr. Tyler is watching him.
“So how are you sleeping?” she asks.
“Okay, I guess.”
“Still struggling with the insomnia?”
Silently, Dom nods.
“And the nightmares?”
“Couple nights a week now,” Dom admits. “They’re getting more intense.”
“And have you spoken to Billy about them?” Dr. Tyler asks carefully, not wanting to push too hard.
“No.”
“Why not?” she inquires, one eyebrow arched. “Why do you feel it’s necessary to keep that from him? Don’t you think he’d want to know?”
“It’s not that. Billy’s already done so much for me,” Dom tries to explain, his discomfort very clear. “I just don’t want to disrupt his sleep, too.”
“You think of yourself as a disruption to his life?”
“No, it’s just-” Trailing off, Dom frowns and purses his lips as he searches for the right words. “I can handle this, that’s all. I’m okay.”
“Loving someone means being there for them, through the good and the bad, and it also means allowing the person you love to help you when you need it,” Dr. Tyler says gently. “A relationship has two people in it, Dom, not one.”
“I know,” Dom says, nodding slowly. “But sometimes it feels like it’s all too good to be true. Billy and me, I mean. I never thought it was possible to experience so much love. To feel so much for someone. It’s . . . scary.”
“I know trusting those feelings can be difficult, but it just takes time, and for you to keep moving forward.”
“Yeah.”
“As for your insomnia, have you ever tried yoga?” Dr. Tyler inquires, rising from her seat at the opposite end of the couch and walking over to the bookshelf next to her desk.
“You mean breathing and stretching?”
Glancing over her shoulder, Dr. Tyler laughs lightly and smiles at Dom’s wariness and arched eyebrow. “There’s a little more to it than that, but yes.”
Scanning the shelves and then making a selection, she returns to the couch, passing the book to Dom.
“It’s about focus, relaxation and meditation,” Dr. Tyler explains. “You can do it at home, anytime you feel the need. Day or night. Additionally, it can be used as a form of exercise, helping to tone muscles, improve strength and balance.”
“Really?” Dom asks in surprise, flipping through a few pages.
“You mentioned your concern about your weight last week, since you’ve been gaining it back. This might be the solution for both problems. If nothing else, it’s a healthy avenue to explore, I think.”
“I’ll give it a try,” Dom promises, sliding the palm of his hand back and forth across the cover of the book resting in his lap. “Thanks.”
“I believe that talking with Billy will help as well, but only you can make that decision,” Dr. Tyler adds as she glances at her watch. “And we’re out of time.”
“Same time next week?” Dom asks, opening his backpack and tucking the book inside.
“Yes,” Dr. Tyler confirms. “Oh, and I have what you asked for.”
Walking over to her desk, she retrieves an envelope and hands it to Dom when he crosses the room to join her.
“Thanks.”
“This will bring us up to date, including today,” she tells him. “As requested.”
“I get paid on Friday, so I can write a cheque then,” Dom promises. “Post it to you.”
“That’s not necessary, Dom. You can just bring it next week,” Dr. Tyler replies with a gentle smile. “Take your time.”
“It’s okay, I can manage it.”
The fact that Dom insists on paying for his therapy sessions himself, and refuses to even let Billy see the invoices, concerns Dr. Tyler, as well as his refusal to share his pain with someone he clearly cares for a great deal. The firm resolution that Dom won’t be a burden to anyone, especially his lover, weighs heavily on his slender shoulders, and is, in Dr. Tyler’s opinion, at the heart of Dom’s issues. The trust he once had was obviously destroyed, rather painfully, and letting people get close to him, to lean on them, is not something Dom is comfortable doing. It’s a protective measure, a defense to keep most people at arm’s length. While it may be lonely, Dom feels safe there.
“Have a good week,” Dr. Tyler says in farewell, waving before closing the door.
Moving back over to her desk, Dr. Tyler finishes up her notes for the session, reflecting on what she and Dom have discussed in recent weeks, her thoughts shifting and lingering on her concerns.
Dom’s parents are unaware of their son’s history, what he did in order to survive the years away from their care, and Dom is adamant that they never find out. While Dom’s shame about his past isn’t with him every minute of every day, the idea of confessing to his parents and risking the relationship that has just barely begun to heal is out of the question. Losing his parents now, forever, would break Dom at the center of his soul, and there would be no coming back from that. It’s Dom’s choice to stay silent, to not burden the people he loves with his mistakes. He has chosen to bear that secret alone, Billy being the only exception, outside of doctor/patient confidentiality. And Mark, a coworker and friend at the book shop who is aware of Dom’s past.
There is plenty that Dom has yet to share with her, of that, Dr. Tyler is sure of, but she’s pleased with their progress thus far. Unfortunately, it’s going to get much worse for Dom before it gets better, and she can only hope that Dom takes her advice and allows Billy to help him when he’s in need of comfort and support.
As for Dom’s parents, that’s another subject altogether.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Shifting on the mattress, Billy sleepily rolls onto his side, rubbing his cheek against the pillow as his hand slides across the sheet, seeking Dom’s slumbering form. When he is not rewarded with warm, bare skin and his eyes flutter open, Billy frowns as he lifts his head a few inches and looks around. Finding the moonlit room empty, Billy listens, wondering if Dom’s in the loo, his tiny bladder forcing him out of bed in the middle of the night. Again, Billy is unsuccessful in locating his lover.
Kicking back the coverlet and reaching for his robe, Billy slips it on as he walks over to the bedroom door, opening it quietly and then proceeds down the hall. The flat is dark and quiet as Billy checks the living room and kitchen for signs of Dom, or where he’s gotten to. Now getting worried, Billy starts to return to the bedroom, only to stop short when he realizes that the door to the guest room is cracked open. Soundlessly nudging the door open a few inches, Billy is filled with confusion when his gaze lands on Dom as he lays curled up in his old bed.
With the sheet and navy blue coverlet drawn up to his shoulder, Dom is facing away from Billy, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Before Billy can say a word or move, Dom’s breathing changes, and then younger man moves. As though searching for a comfortable position, Dom rolls onto his belly, hugging a pillow to his chest, but a few moments later he shifts again, flipping onto his back and raising his arms until they’re crossed over his face. Several uneasy breaths are taken, and then Dom rubs a hand over his face as he sighs heavily.
“Dommie?” Billy says softly before taking a few steps into the room.
Quickly taking his hand away from his face, Dom pushes himself up onto his elbows as he looks over, a frown creasing his brow.
“Aww, shite. I’m sorry, Bills,” he says sadly. “I didn’t mean to wake you-”
“What are you doing in here?” Billy interrupts.
“I was restless and couldn’t sleep,” Dom explains. “I didn’t want to disturb you, so I came in here. But I still woke you up.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Billy inquires gently, sinking down on the edge of the bed.
Shrugging, Dom lays back down, his head lolled to one side as he gazes at Billy. “You should go back to bed. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
With a snort of derision, Billy stands up, slips off his robe and grabs hold of the coverlet.
“Move over,” he instructs before sliding between the sheets.
“Billy,” Dom protests.
“Shut it,” Billy admonishes. “And c’mere.”
Cuddling the younger man to his chest, Billy wraps an arm around Dom’s slender body while the fingers of his other hand pets Dom’s tousled hair.
“What’s going on, Dommie?” Billy murmurs tenderly. “Why can’t you sleep?”
“Just thinking,” Dom mumbles as he nuzzles into the Scotsman, hiding his eyes.
“About?”
“Stuff.”
Kissing Dom’s silky hair, Billy begins stroking the nape of Dom’s neck.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Billy asks. “It might make you feel better.”
“No, I’ve already woken you up. I don’t want to keep-”
“Dommie, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to help,” Billy continues, cutting off Dom’s protest. “I’m not going to pressure you, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”
“But you’ve already done so much-”
“Stop that,” Billy interjects. “This isn’t about keeping score.”
“Sorry,” Dom says miserably, starting to pull back.
Tightening his arm around Dom, Billy slides a leg behind his lover’s knees. “Stay here, Dommie. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I know that you feel better when I hold you.”
“Why do you put up with me?” Dom asks as he looks up into Billy’s gentle eyes.
“Because I love you,” Billy replies simply. “Now c’mere.”
Sighing as he surrenders, Dom curls into his lover’s embrace, laying his cheek against Billy’s bare chest so he can listen to his heartbeat. For several minutes there is silence, the only movement Billy’s hand rubbing Dom’s t-shirt clad back in slow caresses.
“She asked me about how I was treated,” Dom says finally. “What I felt when we were coming to an agreement on a price. What I told myself.”
Knowing that she is the therapist Dom has been seeing for a month now, Billy nods and kisses the top of Dom’s head.
“Bad memories?”
“Yeah,” Dom says softly, drawing in an unsteady breath. “I thought I could just push it away, never have to think about it again. I was so shut down then, so I didn’t have to feel.”
“After what you’d been through, it’s understandable” Billy soothes.
“In a way, it was like it wasn’t happening to me,” Dom continues. “But it was.”
“I’m sorry, Dommie.”
“I don’t want to remember, Bills. I just want it to go away,” Dom adds, a harsh sob stealing his voice.
“I know, love.”
“I hate remembering their hands on me,” Dom whispers. “They were never soft and gentle like yours. I didn’t want them to come near me. It was nothing like when you’re touching me.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“After the first time, you know, that way-” Not wanting to say the words out loud, Dom trails off.
Understanding that Dom is referring to the first time he was paid to have intercourse, Billy hugs Dom tighter and nods. “Aye?”
“As soon as he left, I threw up in the loo and then took a shower,” Dom confesses miserably. “Despite everything I’d done up until then, I’d put that off for as long as I could, but then I needed the money for my rent. So I did it. And I cried myself to sleep for a week.”
“I’m so sorry, Dommie,” Billy murmurs gently, his hands sliding over Dom’s neck and back, his touch offering support and comfort.
“When I think about that, I feel dirty, and that no matter how many showers I take, I’ll never get clean.”
“You’re not dirty,” Billy croons tenderly, kissing Dom’s hair and cuddling him close. “Dommie, you’re not.”
“But that’s how I feel when I have to think about it,” Dom finishes, blinking rapidly to force back the excess moisture in his eyes. “And I’m scared that I’m always going to feel this way. That’s why I shut down in the first place, so I didn’t have to deal with that.”
“This is what you’ve been thinking about for the last few days, isn’t it?” Billy asks.
“Yeah. I can’t stop.”
“No wonder you couldn’t sleep with all that running around in your poor head,” Billy soothes, smoothing back Dom’s tousled blonde hair and kissing his forehead. “It’s understandable.”
Exhaling heavily, Dom looks up, the uncertainty clear in his eyes. “Are you- Are you sorry? That I told you?”
“No, Dommie. I love you, and I want to be here for you,” Billy replies tenderly. “I told you before that there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me stop loving you. I meant every word.”
“But you don’t know all the things I’ve done,” Dom comments, his brow furrowing. “They paid, and I did it. All of it. Whatever they wanted.”
“Everything you did, Dommie, was to survive,” Billy explains as his hands cup Dom’s face, his thumbs brushing away the dampness beneath Dom’s sad eyes. “That was not who you are. You are not your past. What you’ve done, doesn’t dictate your future. You got out of that life, and now you’re leaving it behind. You need to stop punishing yourself.”
“I’m trying,” Dom whispers.
“I know, love. I know.”
Exhaling again, Dom realizes that his chest is aching less, and the heaviness on his shoulders seems lighter.
“Hey Bills?”
“Aye?” Billy replies, letting his hands slide down, gently caressing Dom’s shoulders.
“I think it did help,” Dom says with relief. “Telling you, I mean.”
“Good.”
“Want to go back to bed?” Dom inquires.
“Do you think you can sleep?” Billy counters. “I’m not going to let stay up all by yourself.”
“I’m going to try,” Dom says cautiously. “Lets go.”
“We’re here now,” Billy replies mildly. “Why leave a perfectly good bed?”
“You’re too tired to move, aren’t you?” Dom asks knowingly.
“No, but I am nice and warm,” Billy admits, giving Dom a quick kiss on the lips. “It’s cold out there.”
“Okay.”
Settling into the circle of Billy’s loving embrace, Dom presses his cheek against Billy’s chest again, letting the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat soothe him.
“Dommie?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t sneak out of bed again, all right?” Billy requests. “Let me be here for you. Please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Billy presses.
“I promise, Bills.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey Bills?”
“Aye?”
“You said you’d never be in my bed.”
Remembering back to when Dom moved in, and the rule he made about never being in Dom’s bed, Billy smiles fondly. “That seems so long ago, and technically, this isn’t your bed anymore. It’s the guest room. I’m in your bed every single night, and you’re in mine.”
“I have you now,” Dom says under his breath. “And I’m never going to let you go.”
“That makes two of us, love,” Billy murmurs quietly. “Now go to sleep.”
With the sensations of Billy’s fingers stroking his hair and rubbing his back, Dom closes his eyes and gives in to the exhaustion of recent weeks, and once he’s sure that his lover is peacefully sleeping, Billy lets his eyes close as well.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Hearing the alarm clock beeping in the distance, Billy’s eyes crack open, and he smiles when he realizes that Dom is sprawled limply over him, snoring ever so softly. It would seem that talking about what was bothering him helped, and Dom was finally able to get some rest. Not wanting to awaken his lover just yet, Billy carefully starts to slide out from under the sleeping man, but his efforts prove to be in vain when Dom’s breathing changes and his hand tightens at Billy’s waist.
“Where are you going?” Dom asks sleepily.
“Go back to sleep, Dommie,” Billy whispers. “It’s not time to get up yet.”
“Stay.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Billy adds softly. “I’ll come wake you up in a little while.”
The sleepless nights have taken their toll on Dom, as he decides not to fight Billy, sinking into the pillow as Billy slides out of bed, stands up and draws the navy coverlet over Dom’s shoulder. Pressing a feathery kiss to Dom’s forehead, causing him to sigh ever so softly, Billy soundlessly leaves the room, closing the door behind him and moving into their bedroom. Tightening his robe around his bare body as he walks into the loo after switching off the alarm clock, Billy turns on the water in the shower before rubbing a hand over his face in an effort to wake himself up. Truth be told, Billy would’ve much preferred to stay in bed, as evidenced by the aching hardness between his thighs, but his brain is attempting to overrule that need, as Dom is clearly not in the mood this morning.
Starting off the day with a round of lovemaking has become habit since they became a couple, but Billy understands why Dom went back to sleep instead. Looking over when the steam starts to fog the mirror, obscuring the sight of himself, Billy shrugs out of his robe and then steps under the hot spray. It almost feels like old times, back when Dom was sleeping down the hall and Billy was secretly wanking in the shower in an effort to contain his lust.
Before Billy knows it, one hand is braced against the tile wall while he begins to stroke himself off with the other. Erotic imagery of his lover beneath him, above him, wrapped around him and mewling with pleasure, flows through Billy’s mind as his fingers slide along the length of his throbbing arousal. Squeezing and stroking himself, Billy’s breath grows heavy and uneven, Dom’s name falling from his lips in a soft plea for release.
As hot water pours over his shoulders and down his back, Billy begins to pump his hand faster, feeling the wave start to rise in his belly. A shiver slides through his limbs, and as his moans of pleasure grow louder, he bites down on his lower lip in an effort to muffle the sound. The pressure is building quickly, bubbling up, threatening to explode, and it’s so close that Billy can almost taste it.
“So you really do wank in the shower,” Dom comments, his tone mild, but his voice hoarse with desire. “I've been wondering about that, ever since you told me.”
Stumbling back, Billy’s eyes widen and a fierce blush stains his cheeks as Dom slides the shower curtain open enough so he can slip inside the small enclosure. Hair tousled in a sensual, erotic mess and eyes half-lidded, Dom’s movements are lazy and effortlessly seductive as he settles into a more comfortable position, leaning against the wall.
“Dom-”
“Don’t stop on my account,” Dom adds, eyes dark as his gaze slides hungrily over his lover’s aroused form. “I’d like to watch you, if you don’t mind.”
Billy opens his mouth to speak, but his voice refuses to work.
“You said you saw me wanking once,” Dom tells him. “I want to know what it looks like.”
Meeting Dom’s eyes and holding it for a long moment, Billy releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and then slowly wraps his fingers around his erection once again. Glancing down, almost shyly, Billy wordlessly invites Dom to look lower, tipping his head back as he arches his spine, giving himself over to the needs of his body. Pumping his fist quickly and rocking his hips wantonly, Billy keeps his eyes closed, losing himself in the beautiful images of Dom as they make love.
Billy’s teetering on the brink of release, breathless cries of pleasure tumbling out a barely intelligible Scottish lilt, when suddenly Dom’s fingers are sliding over Billy’s sensitive tip. Eyes flashing open with shock and a ragged moan filling the air, Billy’s control shatters and then glittering fluid is pulsing into Dom’s hand as their lips meet in a deep, wet, passionate kiss.
Sagging against the wall on trembling legs when Dom’s long tongue invades his mouth, Billy can only clutch desperately at his lover’s wet, lithe body and whimper his pleasure. Finally bringing the kiss to an end long moments later, Dom rubs his nose affectionately against Billy’s scruffy cheek.
“Thank you,” Dom whispers, sliding his long arms around Billy’s waist and drawing the older man close. “That was perfect.”
“I’m glad you liked it,” Billy replies breathlessly, tipping his head one side and leaning in to nibble on Dom’s slender neck. “I was thinking about you, when I’m inside you.”
“Aww, Bills.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Billy asks before his tongue darts out to catching a droplet of water clinging to Dom’s earlobe. “I told you that I’d wake you.”
“Missed you,” Dom replies simply. “And then I heard the shower and wondered . . .”
“Ah.”
“Do you do this, uh, often?” Dom inquires, breath catching when Billy’s palms flatten on the small of his back, applying gentle pressure to bring their bodies closer.
“Not since you and I started sharing a bed,” Billy says with a smile, enjoying the drowsy lust in Dom’s expressive eyes. He may still be a bit sleepy, but Dom’s body is definitely waking up, especially below the waist. “Want me to take care of that for you?”
“If you want,” Dom replies, almost shyly. “Just kiss me.”
“Absolutely,” Billy murmurs fervently before swiftly reversing their positions, pressing Dom against the wall as his hand slides down Dom’s chest. Lingering to caress each of Dom’s nipples and tease his navel, Billy’s fingers finally make their way lower until he’s cupping Dom’s arousal intimately.
“How do you want it?” Billy asks, smiling and rubbing their noses together affectionately. “Fast? Slow?”
“Surprise me,” Dom says cheekily.
Drawing Dom’s pouty lower lip into his cherubic mouth for a teasing suck, Billy nudges a knee between Dom’s thighs, guiding a leg up to wrap around his hip, their arousals touching. After letting their lips part briefly, Billy quickly dives in again, kissing his lover deeply, their tongues tangling messily while his fingers slowly tighten around Dom’s now throbbing erection. Warm, soothing water pouring over them, Dom slides his arms around Billy’s shoulders, drawing his long, elegant fingers through Billy’s wet hair as they kiss, his breath becoming uneven when Billy brushes the pad of his thumb across Dom’s sensitive tip. Whimpering into Billy’s mouth, Dom rocks his hips forward, wordlessly asking for more of Billy’s tantalizing touch.
Almost dizzy from lust and lack of oxygen, not to mention the exquisite sensation of his lover bucking and writhing in his arms, Billy tears their mouths apart, only to dip his head and feast on the slender column of Dom’s neck, nibbling and sucking at the soft skin. Tilting his head to one side to give Billy more room to work while his hips move faster, the desire for release builds inside Dom at a frantic pace. Lapping at a rosy bruise now forming on Dom’s skin, Billy pumps his fist faster, rocking his body into Dom’s in a similar rhythm, increasing Dom’s pleasure, and when Dom thrashes wildly against him, fingers clutching his shoulders and leg tightening around his waist, Billy presses closer.
“Come for me, Dommie,” Billy almost purrs, in a low, hoarse voice, his lips barely an inch from Dom’s ear.
Crying out raggedly, Dom feels his control slip through his fingers like grains of sand, his body shaking as release overwhelms him. Billy smiles fondly and then draws the younger man into his arms after watching the glittering fluid spill over his knuckles, allowing Dom’s raised leg to slide down over his hip. Cuddling his now trembling lover, Billy smoothes back Dom’s hair with one hand while this other arm wraps around his waist. With swollen lips and glazed eyes, Dom takes a few moments to catch his breath, and then smiles.
“Do you realize what we just did?” Dom asks, head lolling to one side as his fingers dance lightly over Billy’s back.
“Aye,” Billy replies softly, kissing Dom’s cheek. “Another first.”
“Shower sex,” Dom breathes and the sighs with contentment. “That was better than I thought it would be.”
“Really?”
“I knew it would be good, because it would be with you,” Dom explains. “I love hot showers and I love you, but that was amazing.”
“Actually, we had two firsts,” Billy comments mildly before reaching over to grab Dom’s bottle of papaya shampoo. “Unless you consider me wanking part of the shower sex.”
“If I say yes, does it mean that you’ll do it again?” Dom asks with wide, innocent eyes. A moment later, his façade breaks and he smiles seductively. “The wanking, I mean.”
Flipping open the lid of the shampoo, Billy pours some into Dom’s palm, a thoughtful expression on his face. Watching Dom lather his dark blonde hair into sweet-smelling suds as his own hands slide lazily over his lover’s bare skin, Billy draws out the moment for as long as possible, just relishing in the intimacy.
“Bills?”
“Dommie, I’ll do anything you want,” Billy says finally, his eyes soft and tender. “I just want to be with you.”
“Would you like it if I wanked for you?” Dom inquires in a low voice.
An instant later, Billy’s tongue is sliding between Dom’s parted lips, hands possessively cupping the sweet curve of Dom’s arse. Arching his back to bring their bodies even closer, the soap in Dom’s hair is forgotten as they cling to one another, hungrily worshipping each others mouths. Reluctantly ending the kiss when his lungs scream for air, Billy rubs his scruffy cheek against Dom’s affectionately.
“Does that answer your question?” he asks breathlessly.
“I’ll add it to the list,” Dom replies cheekily before shifting and the leaning back in Billy’s embrace to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.
Silently gazing at the sight before him, Billy’s hands are gentle but firm as they clasp Dom’s narrow waist, his thumbs stroking the younger man’s sharp hipbones.
“Bills?”
Tearing his eyes away from the smooth expanse of his lover’s flat stomach, Billy looks up into the inscrutable expression covering Dom’s face. Releasing a breath he’d been holding, Billy pulls Dom closer so they’re pressed together from nose to knees.
“I love you, Dommie.”
“I know,” Dom replies tenderly, nuzzling into Billy and kissing the corner of his bow-shaped lips. “I love you, too.”
Before Billy can say another word, Dom lays his head down on Billy’s shoulder, pressing his nose into the side of Billy’s neck as arms wrap around one another snugly. There is a strange tremor in Dom’s slender form as he presses into the older man as much as possible, as though trying to surround himself with Billy. The urge to ask Dom what he’s thinking about, what’s troubling him, is strong, but Billy forces himself to stay silent, not wanting to make Dom talk before he’s ready. Guiding their entwined bodies under the hot spray, Billy gently strokes the nape of Dom’s neck while he kisses Dom’s damp hair, hoping that his touch will soothe and comfort.
“I love you,” Billy murmurs quietly, cradling Dom close. “Always.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 5