With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 6
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: R, maybe.
Summary: Difficult conversations, and an unexpected request.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Please note, there is an angst warning for this chapter.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Chapter 6
Startled awake by the cheerful ringing and vibration of a mobile springing to life, two men shift from their entwined position on the mattress, wrapped up together in the dark room.
“Yours or mine?” one asks sleepily, familiar with the phone ringing at all hours, thanks to his chosen profession.
“Yours,” the other replies in a disoriented, gravely voice after he lifts his dark, tousled head off the pillow and listens for a few seconds.
“Sorry.”
Flopping back down onto the feathery softness, the response is a yawning, “S’okay.”
Releasing the warm, sated body and rolling over towards the night stand, Viggo scoops up his mobile, flips it open to silence the sound, and brings it to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Vig?”
The uncertainty and vulnerability in the thickly accented voice causes Viggo’s heart to skip a beat.
“Bill?” he asks. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Viggo leans forward, listening closely.
“I’m worried about Dom,” Billy replies, surprised when he’s unable to keep his voice steady. “I don’t know what to do.”
Even in the low light, Viggo can feel the chocolate brown eyes now focused intently on his bare back, and the unasked questions now flying about the darkened room. It’s nearly midnight, they were sleeping peacefully after a passionate and intense round of lovemaking, and now Viggo’s crawling out of bed to talk to an ex lover. Worst of all, it’s the first night Viggo’s spent at the veterinarian’s flat. Covering the mouthpiece of the phone with his fingers, Viggo half turns to speak to the other man.
“I’m going to take this into the other room,” he says quietly. “Go back to sleep.”
Rising from the bed and reaching for his previously discarded blue jeans, Viggo quickly exits the bedroom, tugging the denim up over his hips as the door is pulled shut. He doesn’t dare to look back and make eye contact as he’s not quite sure how to deal with the situation that has just exploded. This is the first night he’s spent here, and now-
“What’s going on with Dom?” Viggo asks as he slides up his zipper and fastens the snap. “Is he sick?”
“No, but he’s miserable.”
“What?”
“The therapy sessions. He’s going, and every single time he’s worse,” Billy explains, taking in a ragged breath. “I don’t know how to help him. I think I made a mistake. It’s a bloody mess, and I- I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Where’s Dom?”
“Sleeping, finally,” Billy replies. “I convinced him to take half a sleeping pill. Last night he tossed and turned for hours. Didn’t sleep a wink. There was nothing I could do.”
“He’s having trouble sleeping, is he?” Viggo inquires, dragging his fingers through his tousled hair as he takes a seat on the couch. “How long has that been going on?”
“Over a month now. From the beginning, actually. For a couple of days after his sessions he’s withdrawn and sad,” Billy says. “He doesn’t like to eat and he can’t sleep. And it’s getting worse.”
“What has he told you?”
“Not much,” Billy admits. “I don’t want to upset him even more than he already is.”
“Did you tell him that you were going to call me?” Viggo asks pointedly.
“No,” Billy replies in a small voice.
“Bill, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I think he might’ve been pretending to be asleep earlier tonight,” Billy confesses quietly. “I closed the shop at six o’clock and came upstairs. He was on the couch and I kissed him, thinking he was asleep, thinking it would be fun and romantic, but now I don’t think he was. I think maybe he was hoping that I’d leave him be, leave him alone. Then he opened his eyes and he smiled. He was teasing and joking, but-”
“What?”
“There was something missing,” Billy says awkwardly. “I think he was only pretending to be okay.”
“Have you two sat down and talked about how therapy was going to affect you both?”
“No.”
“Why not?
“I didn’t want to intrude,” Billy protests. “It’s personal for him, and-”
“Bill, avoiding the problem won’t make it go away,” Viggo interrupts sharply. “I think you and I can agree that things weren’t right with us for a long time, but instead of dealing with it, we pretended everything was all right. In the end, we almost lost our friendship, too.”
“I know, but-”
“Therapy is difficult, and I’m willing to bet that Dom is very fragile right now. He’s dealing with pain and emotions that he’s been suppressing for years,” Viggo says firmly. “What he needs right now is to know that you’re there for him, that he can tell you anything. He needs to feel safe with the person he loves and trusts, and I don’t think finding out that your lover is calling an ex, late at night, is a good thing. You need to talk to him, not me.”
“I think I’m losing him,” Billy whispers hoarsely, his voice catching. “What if we talk and we break up, just like you and me? What if-”
“Oh, Bill-”
“I can’t lose him, Vig,” Billy adds, swallowing his tears. “I can’t. I love him too much. I just can’t lose him.”
The last sentence is carried on a barely restrained sob, Billy’s misery and overwhelming fear laid bare.
Sighing heavily, Viggo leans back on the couch, rubbing the palm of his hand across his scruffy chin.
“I know that, Bill. I really do,” he says, his tone much softer. “But at some point, when what you’re doing isn’t working, you have to try something else.”
“Even if, even if it hurts him?” Billy inquires hesitantly. “He’s already been through so much.”
“It may hurt in the moment, but I think it’ll be better in the end,” Viggo advises. “If you do nothing and lose him, you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“Aye,” Billy agrees unsteadily.
“Don’t force it, but make sure he knows that he can come to you. Day or night. I’m sure you’ve already told him that, but keep telling him. Keep reminding him,” Viggo adds. “He’s stubborn like you.”
“Okay.”
“Now go back to bed,” Viggo instructs softly. “You wouldn’t want Dom to wake up and need you, only to find out he’s all alone.”
“Right.” Gnawing on his lower lip, Billy swallows hard. “Vig?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
Viggo smiles gently. “You’re welcome.”
“Sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s okay, Bill. I understand.”
“No, you were- Oh my God.”
“What?” Viggo asks quickly, wondering what has gotten Billy so upset so quickly, right after he’s just calmed down.
“You took the phone into the other room,” Billy explains in a rush, the guilt clear in his voice. “You weren’t alone.”
“Oh. Uh-”
“He’s there, isn’t he?” Billy asks softly. “The vet.”
“Yeah,” Viggo admits.
“You were in bed together when I called,” Billy surmises. “Weren’t you?”
“Sleeping,” Viggo explains, thankful that he doesn’t have to lie to Billy about what they were doing.
“Shite,” Billy mutters under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Bill, just go back to bed,” Viggo advises. “I’m a grown man. I’ll deal with it.”
“But it’s my fault-”
“You’re my friend,” Viggo interjects. “Don’t take this on and blame yourself. You carry too much guilt as it is.”
“But-”
“Bill, Dom’s waiting for you,” Viggo says smoothly, cutting off Billy’s protest. “It’ll be all right. Just love him.”
“I do. I will.”
“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Aye.”
“Good night, Bill.”
“Bye.”
Switching his mobile to vibrate before tucking it into the front pocket of his jeans, Viggo takes a deep breath to slow his nervously pounding heart as he walks back down the hall. Twisting the doorknob as quietly as possible to open the door so he can re-enter the bedroom, Viggo’s hopes that the room will be dark and his lover sleeping are dashed when a pair of dark brown eyes move from the moonlit window to his face, the normally smooth brow furrowed in thought.
“Hey,” he says softly, pushing himself up onto one elbow.
“Sorry about that,” Viggo says awkwardly, perching on the edge of the mattress and fidgeting with the rumpled sheets. “That was-”
“Billy.”
“Yeah.”
Silence stretches out endlessly, time agonizingly slow, seconds feeling like hours.
“Are you leaving?”
The question is asked matter of factly, without emotion, but Viggo is positive that there is much more going on, just beneath the surface.
“If you want me to, I understand,” Viggo replies, feeling a heavy ache developing in his chest. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now, Or.”
Shifting until he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, sheets pooling at his slender waist, the younger man slowly reaches out, laying his hand over Viggo’s.
“I’m a good listener, if there’s something you want to talk about.”
“He just needed a friend to talk to, that’s all. It had nothing to do with us,” Viggo promises, trying to explain, yet protecting doctor patient confidentiality. “He’s seeing someone and they’re having a rough time right now. I know them both, and Bill’s struggling, trying to figure out how to deal-”
“Vig, it’s okay,” Orlando interrupts. “I-”
“He’s just a friend,” Viggo insists. “We haven’t been together, that way, in years. I promise you. He was just looking for advice.”
“Hey, relax. I’m not angry. I was just going to say that I think it’s a good sign that you could stay friends.”
“Christ. I don’t want to fuck this up when we’re just getting started, and I don’t want to leave,” Viggo finishes, looking at Orlando hopefully.
“Good, because I don’t want you to leave either,” the other man informs him with a smile. “Now get back in this bed. It’s late.”
Quickly shedding his blue jeans, Viggo slides under the coverlet and spoons up to his lover, bringing their bodies together completely as his arm wraps around a slender waist and his nose rubs against dark, silky hair.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Viggo asks. “Because I can-”
“Vig, I would never ask you to break doctor patient confidentiality.”
“But I never said-”
Looking over a bare shoulder, dark brown eyes meet confused grey. “You didn’t have to. I figured that much out when you said you knew them both, but didn’t say his name,” Orlando explains. “I know you take your job as a doctor very seriously, Vig. Maintaining your patient’s privacy would be very important to you. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Thank you,” Viggo says softly. “For understanding.”
“You’re welcome. Now go to sleep.” The instructions are uttered with a barely suppressed yawn, but there is a twinkle in Orlando’s sleepy smile. “Something tells me that you’re going to need your energy in the morning.”
Smiling seductively at the flash of heat in Viggo’s gaze, Orlando lays back down, snuggling into the warmth of Viggo’s embrace and closes his eyes. Exhaling a sigh of relief, Viggo does the same.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Eyes fluttering open, Dom slowly rolls onto his back, taking in the low light in the room. A bleary-eyed glance at the clock on the night stand informs him that it’s not quite half five, which means, thanks to the sleeping pill, he managed to get just short of six uninterrupted hours of sleep. While not great, it’s significantly more than the previous night, so Dom’s certainly not going to complain. Feeling restless and needing to stretch, Dom slips soundlessly out of bed, leaving Billy to sleep in peace, not to be disturbed by Dom’s unsettled movements.
Scooping up a few clean items from the laundry basket as he leaves the room and quietly closes the door behind him, Dom uses the loo down the hall to wash up and get dressed. He then wanders down the dimly lit hall to the kitchen, deciding that it’s far too early for tea, and opts to get out into the fresh air for a while, to try to clear his mind. Because he doesn’t want Billy to worry if he wakes and finds his young lover gone, Dom scrawls a hasty note of explanation on their grocery list pad, leaving it on the kitchen table where Billy is sure to see it. Finally, Dom grabs a light jacket of Billy’s from the hall closet before heading downstairs, opening and re-locking the back door as quietly as possible.
Unlike the last time he took a walk, nearly a week ago, this time Dom ends up at the park, circling it several times in a leisurely pace and wandering along the paths through the park before finding a faded wooden bench and sitting down, hugging his knees to his chest. The air is cool and crisp, causing his breath to fog ever so slightly as he exhales, and Dom doesn’t move until a runner lopes by, arms swinging and legs pumping in a steady, graceful rhythm. Glancing at his watch, Dom realizes over an hour and a half has passed since he left the book shop. He needs to go home.
Dom’s nearing the book shop when the intoxicating scent of freshly brewed coffee tickles his nose, drawing him into a small café on the corner that specializes in it, along with decadent, sugary treats. Before Dom realizes it, he’s ordered a cup of coffee along with a newspaper for Billy, and is at the register. Dom is drawing out his wallet to pay for the items when he stops abruptly, remembering a time, not so long ago, when he lived in a nearly constant state of fear that he wouldn’t be able to afford the barest necessities, and how quickly that has changed. Dropping the coins the cashier gives him into the front pocket of his blue jeans, Dom tucks the newspaper under his arm and resumes the journey home, since Billy will be waking up soon.
As Dom suspected and hoped for, Billy is still fast asleep when he re-enters their flat, and he wanders into the kitchen. A quick glance at the clock on the wall tells him that the solitude won’t last for much longer, and he should get breakfast started. Dom sips at his coffee while stirring the porridge on the cooker with his other hand, gazing aimlessly out the window and watching the world awaken for another day. There is a pang of jealousy in Dom’s belly, longing to be able to sleep peacefully, like Billy, and he wonders if he’ll ever have that again.
Dom is pulled from his thoughts by Billy’s strong arms sliding around his narrow waist, followed a few seconds later by a feathery kiss to the nape of his neck.
“G’morning,” Billy murmurs hoarsely, rubbing his scruffy cheek against Dom’s t-shirt clad shoulder. “How long have you been up?”
“Not long,” Dom replies, telling himself that it’s not really a lie. In the grand continuum of time, a couple of hours is nothing. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
“You’re drinking coffee?” Billy asks in surprise as he releases his hold on Dom’s waist and reaches over to start the electric kettle for tea.
“Yeah,” Dom says absently, reaching over to grab a bowl for Billy’s porridge as it’s almost ready. “Got it when I picked up a newspaper for you.”
“Thank you,” Billy replies, tightening the belt on his robe. After waking up alone again, the robe was faster than getting dressed, as Billy went in search of Dom. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
Settling at the table across from one another, Billy raises an eyebrow when he notices that Dom has not fixed any breakfast for himself. The urge to say something is strong, but in the end he doesn’t have to as Dom feels his intense gaze.
“I’m not really hungry,” he offers as explanation, soulful eyes begging Billy not to push the subject.
“Okay.”
Cradling his now half empty cup of coffee in both hands, Dom slouches down in his chair, watching Billy eat and try to avoid looking at the newspaper sitting on the table between them. It’s clear that Billy wants to read it, but considers it important not to be rude to Dom. When the kettle comes to a boil, Dom sets his coffee down on the table and starts to rise to his feet.
“No, Dom,” Billy protests, laying down his spoon. “I can get it.”
“S’all right,” Dom replies, giving Billy’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he walks by. “You eat your porridge while it’s hot.”
“Okay.”
“And read your newspaper. I don’t mind,” Dom tacks on.
“Are you sure?” Billy asks doubtfully, his brow furrowing as he looks over his shoulder at his young lover.
“Why else would I have bought it?” Dom retorts dryly, arching an eyebrow. “So it can sit there on the table and mock you? Go on. Read.”
Laughing lightly, Billy finally gives in, opening the folded pages and resuming eating as he reads. He looks up briefly when Dom sets down a hot cup of honey-sweetened, milky tea, reaching out to catch Dom’s hand in his for a moment of silent thanks. Sitting back down and enjoying the relaxed quietness, Dom sips his coffee and accepts a section of the newspaper when Billy offers it to him. It feels comfortable and domestic, average even, like something they could be doing together years from now.
All is well until Dom’s gaze lands on a small article near the bottom of the page, and in an instant, an icy knot has formed in the pit of Dom’s stomach, churning painfully.
The body of a young male that had been discovered in a dumpster has been identified, and the evidence collected at the scene has revealed that he was badly beaten in a different location before his remains were discarded. When Dom reads the street name of the victim, his eyes are suddenly burning with unshed tears. Cory. Not that he’d had much doubt that something bad had happened to the boy he remembered as tortured and abused by so many, Dom hadn’t allowed himself to even consider that Cory was in fact dead.
Suddenly very glad that he chose not to eat breakfast this morning, Dom feels the bile rise in his throat, the bitter taste overtaking the roasted coffee beans and coating his tongue, and it takes all of his control to force it back down. Tears are stinging his eyes, his chest aching, and all Dom wants to do is scream and cry and curse whoever is responsible for this. Blinking rapidly to clear his vision, Dom gulps down the last of his now lukewarm coffee, needing a reason to escape before Billy notices his distress. Clearing his throat and rising to his feet, Dom draws his fingers through his hair.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he announces.
Looking up in surprise, Billy’s expression is inscrutable. “Oh, all right then.”
“I’ll leave you some hot water,” Dom adds lightly as he walks out of the room, forcing himself to keep his pace relaxed and unhurried.
Watching Dom until he disappears and then listening to him move down the hall, Billy frowns, unable to understand the unsettled feeling in his belly. Dom seems more rested than yesterday, but something isn’t quite right. He knows he should’ve taken Viggo’s advice and tried talking to Dom over breakfast, but Billy is afraid that it’ll upset Dom, and cause even more sleepless nights. Billy couldn’t tell Dom that he was awake for hours after the phone call to Viggo, just stroking Dom’s silky hair and watching him sleep.
Without even realizing that he’s done it, Billy rises and abandons his tea and newspaper, following Dom before he can lose his nerve. The silence of what they aren’t talking about is nearly deafening, and Billy has stayed quiet for far too long. He knows that Dom keeps things inside. He held the horrible details of what happened to him, the rape, for years. It’s his coping mechanism. Bury the pain deep, and don’t think about it. While he can’t do that with Dr. Tyler, Dom is still doing it with Billy, and it cannot continue. Suffering in silence is not an option. Not anymore. If Dom talks about it, maybe Billy will be able to help, and if not, at least he’ll be here to support Dom.
Before Billy knows it, he’s at the loo door, but as he raises his hand to knock, the unmistakable echo of Dom sobbing in the tile enclosure fills the quiet. The pounding water is covering most of the sound, but he’s definitely crying heavily, gasping for breath. Dom’s obviously put on a brave face for Billy during breakfast, and left before Billy could see that he was pretending. Again. Laying a hand over his aching heart as he stares at the door, Billy’s eyes glisten, Dom’s pain radiating through his limbs. Questioning whether it’s what Dom really wants, Billy’s fingertips wrap around the door knob as he takes a deep breath, preparing himself to deal with Dom’s overwrought emotions. Unfortunately, Billy is denied the opportunity when he discovers that the door is locked. Once again, Dom has shut him out, kept Billy at a safe distance. Isolated himself.
Bracing one hand on the tile wall, the other covering his mouth to muffle the sound, hot tears flow down Dom’s cheeks, the pounding spray washing away the evidence of his pain. He hadn’t missed the underlying disappointment in Billy’s voice when he’d left the breakfast table, but Dom knows that if he hadn’t, he would’ve burdened Billy further. The fear is never far from Dom’s mind, that Billy will grow tired of his nearly constant need for support and reassurance, and end their relationship, and in turn, leave Dom devastated. Billy’s already done so much for him, so he should be able to handle therapy, shouldn’t he? It’s the only thing Billy asked of him. The one thing. Surely Dom can give him that. Billy wouldn’t have asked too much of him, it’s Dom’s inadequacies that are preventing him from doing what Billy expected of him. Right?
Yes, he has a lot going on right now: Finishing his A levels, Billy, looking at going to uni, repairing the relationship with his parents and attending therapy. He has a responsibility to make up the time he lost, especially to his parents, but somehow prevent them from ever finding out what he did. Never can they know of the shameful things that he did. Somehow Dom has to make it work. Billy, his parents, school, the shop . . . He must figure out a way. He has to. He can’t let people down. Not again. And what about Eric? Does he know what has happened to Cory? Will Dom be the one to tell him?
Part of Dom wants to tell Billy, let it all pour out, but he can’t do it. After the secrets he’s kept and lies that he’s told, he might lose Billy. Sinking to his knees in the shower, the water pouring over his back and shoulders, Dom lets his tears fall.
Moving his hand from his chest to the door, Billy stands motionless, listening as Dom’s sobs lessen and then at last quiet altogether. It is with great reluctance that Billy steps back, unable to make himself confront Dom now, not when he’s clearly in tremendous pain, and Billy cannot bear the thought of causing Dom more distress. It’s obvious that Dom is at his limit right now, and if Billy adds to his burdens, it will likely break him. There is also the twinge of hurt in Billy’s belly, because Dom is so closed off, not allowing Billy in. That he won’t allow Billy to comfort him.
Cursing himself profusely, knowing that he’s being a coward, Billy moves silently back down the hall to the kitchen, falling heavily into his chair and staring blankly at the wall. More than ever, Billy feels the widening divide between him and Dom. It stings painfully that Dom is choosing not to confide in Billy, to lean on him, despite everything that they have shared, and the times that Billy has offered his support. For whatever reason, Dom seems determined to bear the load alone. Why, Billy doesn’t understand.
A hairdryer starts up, pulling Billy back to himself, and he realizes that Dom will be reappearing shortly. If Dom stays true to form, he’ll spend his time in the guest room, studying and completing school work until the book shop opens and his shift downstairs starts. Although Billy has told Dom not to worry about it, to focus on his A levels, Dom insists on keeping his schedule at the book shop. He’s been fiercely adamant about fulfilling his obligations to the schedule he agreed to at the book shop when Billy hired him. How Dom is managing to do so much is a mystery to Billy, but other than his difficulties with the therapy, Dom seems to be handling it quite admirably.
The hairdryer falls quiet, and a little over five minutes later Dom appears in the kitchen doorway, dressed professionally for his shift in the book shop.
“Bills?”
“Aye?”
Giving Dom his full attention, Billy lays the newspaper down on the table next to his cup of tea. He wasn’t reading it, but keeping up appearances for Dom, since he was so thoughtful.
“Can I talk to you about something?” Dom asks, gnawing on his lower lip nervously.
Billy somehow manages not to look shocked at the knowledge that perhaps Dom is going to share something with him. “Absolutely.”
“Would you, I mean, if you have time and wouldn’t mind,” Dom continues awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other, struggling to find the right words.
“Mind what?” Billy inquires, his tone soft and gentle.
“Would you meet with Dr. Tyler?” Dom finally blurts out in a rush. “If you don’t want to, I understand. You don’t have-”
“I’d love to,” Billy interrupts, ending Dom’s rambling. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course, Dommie.”
“Wednesday afternoon?”
“I’ll talk to Mark and arrange for him to cover for me at the shop,” Billy adds. “What time should I be there?”
“Three.”
“All right then.”
“Thanks,” Dom says softly, hoping that Billy won’t notice his slightly puffy eyes.
Dom starts to turn away, but Billy calls out to stop him. Smothering a cringe as best he can, Dom turns back to face Billy, his stomach twisting up into knots again.
“I’ll need the address,” Billy says gently. “You didn’t tell me where it was, other than that it’s near school.”
“Oh, right,” Dom replies with a nod. “I’ll write it down for you.”
“Thank you.”
Listening to Dom walk away again, Billy is convinced that there is another reason why Dom was crying in the shower, one that has nothing to do with Billy meeting with Dr. Tyler. However, it appears that is going to remain a mystery for now, along with all the other things that Dom hasn’t shared with him.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Dom’s nervousness is weighing heavily on Billy’s mind as he arrives at Dr. Tyler’s office, a full twenty minutes early, wanting to ensure that Dom knows that he wants to help in any way that he can. The very last thing Billy wants is for Dom to feel like Billy isn’t supportive of this difficult journey he’s taking. Settling into an overstuffed arm chair and leaning back, Billy reflects on Dom’s behavior of late and ponders what Dr. Tyler wants to speak to him about.
For several days now, Billy has wondered if there’s something he’s doing that is making things more difficult, if he shouldn’t be doing certain things. It’s hard to swallow the worry that he’s inadvertently causing the continuation of the destructive cycle in Dom’s life. For so long, Dom was taken advantage of, abused and then carelessly discarded like garbage, and Billy will do anything to ensure that never happens again, even at the expense of himself.
There is also the issue that Billy was a part of Dom’s former life, the fact that he paid Dom for sex, essentially helping to keep Dom in a life of degradation. Billy can't escape the shame of that, and wonders how much Dom has told Dr. Tyler about how their relationship began. He wouldn’t expect Dom to lie, but knowing what was said would be helpful right about now. Of course, if he wasn’t such a sodding coward and talked to Dom, Billy wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would he?
Shifting in the chair, Billy focuses his attention on the clock and wonders when Dom will be arriving. That is, assuming that Dom is going to be here. It suddenly occurs to Billy that Dom never said they would be in the session together, but had specifically asked if Billy would meet with the therapist. As the minutes tick by, the nervous knot in Billy’s belly begins to tighten. If Dr. Tyler wants to meet with him alone, then maybe Billy is doing something harmful to Dom, to impede his recovery. Perhaps he’s somehow hurting Dom, or worse, what if Dr. Tyler want Billy to do something that he can’t-
Head jerking up when the door across the room swings open, Billy stares in surprise as Dom walks out into the waiting room, a tall woman right behind him. Dom looks visibly drained, his eyes damp and slightly swollen. It’s clearly been a difficult session, and since Dom has his backpack slung over one slender shoulder, he’s evidently not staying for Billy’s appointment. Billy’s belly twists violently, and it’s all he can do to suppress a grimace of pain. Amazingly, Billy manages to smile warmly at Dom as he quickly gets to his feet.
“Hey,” he says softly, reaching out and catching one of Dom’s hands in his own.
“You’re early,” Dom replies, unable to keep the surprise out of his tone as he brushes furtively at his eyes.
“Didn’t want to be late for something so important,” Billy explains simply.
“This must be Billy Boyd,” the woman says, stepping closer.
Moving his gaze from Dom’s to the brunette female at his side, Billy nods in confirmation.
“Aye.”
“With the lovely Scottish accent,” she adds, her smile sincere and friendly. “I’m Dr. Tyler.”
“Pleasure to meet you.”
“And you as well,” Dr. Tyler replies. “Won’t you come in?”
“But-”
Looking back to Dom with concern, wanting to somehow comfort his distressed lover, Billy hesitates, torn as to what Dom will want him to do.
“Go on,” Dom rasps softly, squaring his shoulders and giving Billy a weak smile. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not staying?” Billy asks, unable to stop himself.
“I thought you and I could talk today,” Dr. Tyler interjects. “If that’s all right.”
“I’ve got a paper to write for school,” Dom adds. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Okay then,” Billy agrees reluctantly, his heart sinking, now convinced that the discussion he’s about to have is not going to be pleasant.
Dom starts to walk away, but pauses mid-step when Billy’s small hand wraps around his bicep. Reaching into his trouser pocket with his other hand, Billy offers Dom a ring of keys.
“Take the car. It’s parked across the street ”
“What about-”
“I can take a taxi.”
“Okay,” Dom agrees, revealing to Billy just how exhausted he is from his session.
“I’ll see you later,” Billy murmurs softly, pressing a kiss to Dom’s temple.
“Bye.”
Watching until Dom disappears from sight, Billy then turns to face Dr. Tyler, swallowing the hard lump in his throat.
“Ready?” she asks gently.
“As I’ll ever be,” Billy replies before following the therapist into the office, his heart skipping a beat when the door closes behind them with a quiet click.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 7
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: R, maybe.
Summary: Difficult conversations, and an unexpected request.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Please note, there is an angst warning for this chapter.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Chapter 6
Startled awake by the cheerful ringing and vibration of a mobile springing to life, two men shift from their entwined position on the mattress, wrapped up together in the dark room.
“Yours or mine?” one asks sleepily, familiar with the phone ringing at all hours, thanks to his chosen profession.
“Yours,” the other replies in a disoriented, gravely voice after he lifts his dark, tousled head off the pillow and listens for a few seconds.
“Sorry.”
Flopping back down onto the feathery softness, the response is a yawning, “S’okay.”
Releasing the warm, sated body and rolling over towards the night stand, Viggo scoops up his mobile, flips it open to silence the sound, and brings it to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Vig?”
The uncertainty and vulnerability in the thickly accented voice causes Viggo’s heart to skip a beat.
“Bill?” he asks. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Viggo leans forward, listening closely.
“I’m worried about Dom,” Billy replies, surprised when he’s unable to keep his voice steady. “I don’t know what to do.”
Even in the low light, Viggo can feel the chocolate brown eyes now focused intently on his bare back, and the unasked questions now flying about the darkened room. It’s nearly midnight, they were sleeping peacefully after a passionate and intense round of lovemaking, and now Viggo’s crawling out of bed to talk to an ex lover. Worst of all, it’s the first night Viggo’s spent at the veterinarian’s flat. Covering the mouthpiece of the phone with his fingers, Viggo half turns to speak to the other man.
“I’m going to take this into the other room,” he says quietly. “Go back to sleep.”
Rising from the bed and reaching for his previously discarded blue jeans, Viggo quickly exits the bedroom, tugging the denim up over his hips as the door is pulled shut. He doesn’t dare to look back and make eye contact as he’s not quite sure how to deal with the situation that has just exploded. This is the first night he’s spent here, and now-
“What’s going on with Dom?” Viggo asks as he slides up his zipper and fastens the snap. “Is he sick?”
“No, but he’s miserable.”
“What?”
“The therapy sessions. He’s going, and every single time he’s worse,” Billy explains, taking in a ragged breath. “I don’t know how to help him. I think I made a mistake. It’s a bloody mess, and I- I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Where’s Dom?”
“Sleeping, finally,” Billy replies. “I convinced him to take half a sleeping pill. Last night he tossed and turned for hours. Didn’t sleep a wink. There was nothing I could do.”
“He’s having trouble sleeping, is he?” Viggo inquires, dragging his fingers through his tousled hair as he takes a seat on the couch. “How long has that been going on?”
“Over a month now. From the beginning, actually. For a couple of days after his sessions he’s withdrawn and sad,” Billy says. “He doesn’t like to eat and he can’t sleep. And it’s getting worse.”
“What has he told you?”
“Not much,” Billy admits. “I don’t want to upset him even more than he already is.”
“Did you tell him that you were going to call me?” Viggo asks pointedly.
“No,” Billy replies in a small voice.
“Bill, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I think he might’ve been pretending to be asleep earlier tonight,” Billy confesses quietly. “I closed the shop at six o’clock and came upstairs. He was on the couch and I kissed him, thinking he was asleep, thinking it would be fun and romantic, but now I don’t think he was. I think maybe he was hoping that I’d leave him be, leave him alone. Then he opened his eyes and he smiled. He was teasing and joking, but-”
“What?”
“There was something missing,” Billy says awkwardly. “I think he was only pretending to be okay.”
“Have you two sat down and talked about how therapy was going to affect you both?”
“No.”
“Why not?
“I didn’t want to intrude,” Billy protests. “It’s personal for him, and-”
“Bill, avoiding the problem won’t make it go away,” Viggo interrupts sharply. “I think you and I can agree that things weren’t right with us for a long time, but instead of dealing with it, we pretended everything was all right. In the end, we almost lost our friendship, too.”
“I know, but-”
“Therapy is difficult, and I’m willing to bet that Dom is very fragile right now. He’s dealing with pain and emotions that he’s been suppressing for years,” Viggo says firmly. “What he needs right now is to know that you’re there for him, that he can tell you anything. He needs to feel safe with the person he loves and trusts, and I don’t think finding out that your lover is calling an ex, late at night, is a good thing. You need to talk to him, not me.”
“I think I’m losing him,” Billy whispers hoarsely, his voice catching. “What if we talk and we break up, just like you and me? What if-”
“Oh, Bill-”
“I can’t lose him, Vig,” Billy adds, swallowing his tears. “I can’t. I love him too much. I just can’t lose him.”
The last sentence is carried on a barely restrained sob, Billy’s misery and overwhelming fear laid bare.
Sighing heavily, Viggo leans back on the couch, rubbing the palm of his hand across his scruffy chin.
“I know that, Bill. I really do,” he says, his tone much softer. “But at some point, when what you’re doing isn’t working, you have to try something else.”
“Even if, even if it hurts him?” Billy inquires hesitantly. “He’s already been through so much.”
“It may hurt in the moment, but I think it’ll be better in the end,” Viggo advises. “If you do nothing and lose him, you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“Aye,” Billy agrees unsteadily.
“Don’t force it, but make sure he knows that he can come to you. Day or night. I’m sure you’ve already told him that, but keep telling him. Keep reminding him,” Viggo adds. “He’s stubborn like you.”
“Okay.”
“Now go back to bed,” Viggo instructs softly. “You wouldn’t want Dom to wake up and need you, only to find out he’s all alone.”
“Right.” Gnawing on his lower lip, Billy swallows hard. “Vig?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
Viggo smiles gently. “You’re welcome.”
“Sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s okay, Bill. I understand.”
“No, you were- Oh my God.”
“What?” Viggo asks quickly, wondering what has gotten Billy so upset so quickly, right after he’s just calmed down.
“You took the phone into the other room,” Billy explains in a rush, the guilt clear in his voice. “You weren’t alone.”
“Oh. Uh-”
“He’s there, isn’t he?” Billy asks softly. “The vet.”
“Yeah,” Viggo admits.
“You were in bed together when I called,” Billy surmises. “Weren’t you?”
“Sleeping,” Viggo explains, thankful that he doesn’t have to lie to Billy about what they were doing.
“Shite,” Billy mutters under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Bill, just go back to bed,” Viggo advises. “I’m a grown man. I’ll deal with it.”
“But it’s my fault-”
“You’re my friend,” Viggo interjects. “Don’t take this on and blame yourself. You carry too much guilt as it is.”
“But-”
“Bill, Dom’s waiting for you,” Viggo says smoothly, cutting off Billy’s protest. “It’ll be all right. Just love him.”
“I do. I will.”
“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Aye.”
“Good night, Bill.”
“Bye.”
Switching his mobile to vibrate before tucking it into the front pocket of his jeans, Viggo takes a deep breath to slow his nervously pounding heart as he walks back down the hall. Twisting the doorknob as quietly as possible to open the door so he can re-enter the bedroom, Viggo’s hopes that the room will be dark and his lover sleeping are dashed when a pair of dark brown eyes move from the moonlit window to his face, the normally smooth brow furrowed in thought.
“Hey,” he says softly, pushing himself up onto one elbow.
“Sorry about that,” Viggo says awkwardly, perching on the edge of the mattress and fidgeting with the rumpled sheets. “That was-”
“Billy.”
“Yeah.”
Silence stretches out endlessly, time agonizingly slow, seconds feeling like hours.
“Are you leaving?”
The question is asked matter of factly, without emotion, but Viggo is positive that there is much more going on, just beneath the surface.
“If you want me to, I understand,” Viggo replies, feeling a heavy ache developing in his chest. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now, Or.”
Shifting until he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, sheets pooling at his slender waist, the younger man slowly reaches out, laying his hand over Viggo’s.
“I’m a good listener, if there’s something you want to talk about.”
“He just needed a friend to talk to, that’s all. It had nothing to do with us,” Viggo promises, trying to explain, yet protecting doctor patient confidentiality. “He’s seeing someone and they’re having a rough time right now. I know them both, and Bill’s struggling, trying to figure out how to deal-”
“Vig, it’s okay,” Orlando interrupts. “I-”
“He’s just a friend,” Viggo insists. “We haven’t been together, that way, in years. I promise you. He was just looking for advice.”
“Hey, relax. I’m not angry. I was just going to say that I think it’s a good sign that you could stay friends.”
“Christ. I don’t want to fuck this up when we’re just getting started, and I don’t want to leave,” Viggo finishes, looking at Orlando hopefully.
“Good, because I don’t want you to leave either,” the other man informs him with a smile. “Now get back in this bed. It’s late.”
Quickly shedding his blue jeans, Viggo slides under the coverlet and spoons up to his lover, bringing their bodies together completely as his arm wraps around a slender waist and his nose rubs against dark, silky hair.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Viggo asks. “Because I can-”
“Vig, I would never ask you to break doctor patient confidentiality.”
“But I never said-”
Looking over a bare shoulder, dark brown eyes meet confused grey. “You didn’t have to. I figured that much out when you said you knew them both, but didn’t say his name,” Orlando explains. “I know you take your job as a doctor very seriously, Vig. Maintaining your patient’s privacy would be very important to you. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Thank you,” Viggo says softly. “For understanding.”
“You’re welcome. Now go to sleep.” The instructions are uttered with a barely suppressed yawn, but there is a twinkle in Orlando’s sleepy smile. “Something tells me that you’re going to need your energy in the morning.”
Smiling seductively at the flash of heat in Viggo’s gaze, Orlando lays back down, snuggling into the warmth of Viggo’s embrace and closes his eyes. Exhaling a sigh of relief, Viggo does the same.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Eyes fluttering open, Dom slowly rolls onto his back, taking in the low light in the room. A bleary-eyed glance at the clock on the night stand informs him that it’s not quite half five, which means, thanks to the sleeping pill, he managed to get just short of six uninterrupted hours of sleep. While not great, it’s significantly more than the previous night, so Dom’s certainly not going to complain. Feeling restless and needing to stretch, Dom slips soundlessly out of bed, leaving Billy to sleep in peace, not to be disturbed by Dom’s unsettled movements.
Scooping up a few clean items from the laundry basket as he leaves the room and quietly closes the door behind him, Dom uses the loo down the hall to wash up and get dressed. He then wanders down the dimly lit hall to the kitchen, deciding that it’s far too early for tea, and opts to get out into the fresh air for a while, to try to clear his mind. Because he doesn’t want Billy to worry if he wakes and finds his young lover gone, Dom scrawls a hasty note of explanation on their grocery list pad, leaving it on the kitchen table where Billy is sure to see it. Finally, Dom grabs a light jacket of Billy’s from the hall closet before heading downstairs, opening and re-locking the back door as quietly as possible.
Unlike the last time he took a walk, nearly a week ago, this time Dom ends up at the park, circling it several times in a leisurely pace and wandering along the paths through the park before finding a faded wooden bench and sitting down, hugging his knees to his chest. The air is cool and crisp, causing his breath to fog ever so slightly as he exhales, and Dom doesn’t move until a runner lopes by, arms swinging and legs pumping in a steady, graceful rhythm. Glancing at his watch, Dom realizes over an hour and a half has passed since he left the book shop. He needs to go home.
Dom’s nearing the book shop when the intoxicating scent of freshly brewed coffee tickles his nose, drawing him into a small café on the corner that specializes in it, along with decadent, sugary treats. Before Dom realizes it, he’s ordered a cup of coffee along with a newspaper for Billy, and is at the register. Dom is drawing out his wallet to pay for the items when he stops abruptly, remembering a time, not so long ago, when he lived in a nearly constant state of fear that he wouldn’t be able to afford the barest necessities, and how quickly that has changed. Dropping the coins the cashier gives him into the front pocket of his blue jeans, Dom tucks the newspaper under his arm and resumes the journey home, since Billy will be waking up soon.
As Dom suspected and hoped for, Billy is still fast asleep when he re-enters their flat, and he wanders into the kitchen. A quick glance at the clock on the wall tells him that the solitude won’t last for much longer, and he should get breakfast started. Dom sips at his coffee while stirring the porridge on the cooker with his other hand, gazing aimlessly out the window and watching the world awaken for another day. There is a pang of jealousy in Dom’s belly, longing to be able to sleep peacefully, like Billy, and he wonders if he’ll ever have that again.
Dom is pulled from his thoughts by Billy’s strong arms sliding around his narrow waist, followed a few seconds later by a feathery kiss to the nape of his neck.
“G’morning,” Billy murmurs hoarsely, rubbing his scruffy cheek against Dom’s t-shirt clad shoulder. “How long have you been up?”
“Not long,” Dom replies, telling himself that it’s not really a lie. In the grand continuum of time, a couple of hours is nothing. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
“You’re drinking coffee?” Billy asks in surprise as he releases his hold on Dom’s waist and reaches over to start the electric kettle for tea.
“Yeah,” Dom says absently, reaching over to grab a bowl for Billy’s porridge as it’s almost ready. “Got it when I picked up a newspaper for you.”
“Thank you,” Billy replies, tightening the belt on his robe. After waking up alone again, the robe was faster than getting dressed, as Billy went in search of Dom. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
Settling at the table across from one another, Billy raises an eyebrow when he notices that Dom has not fixed any breakfast for himself. The urge to say something is strong, but in the end he doesn’t have to as Dom feels his intense gaze.
“I’m not really hungry,” he offers as explanation, soulful eyes begging Billy not to push the subject.
“Okay.”
Cradling his now half empty cup of coffee in both hands, Dom slouches down in his chair, watching Billy eat and try to avoid looking at the newspaper sitting on the table between them. It’s clear that Billy wants to read it, but considers it important not to be rude to Dom. When the kettle comes to a boil, Dom sets his coffee down on the table and starts to rise to his feet.
“No, Dom,” Billy protests, laying down his spoon. “I can get it.”
“S’all right,” Dom replies, giving Billy’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he walks by. “You eat your porridge while it’s hot.”
“Okay.”
“And read your newspaper. I don’t mind,” Dom tacks on.
“Are you sure?” Billy asks doubtfully, his brow furrowing as he looks over his shoulder at his young lover.
“Why else would I have bought it?” Dom retorts dryly, arching an eyebrow. “So it can sit there on the table and mock you? Go on. Read.”
Laughing lightly, Billy finally gives in, opening the folded pages and resuming eating as he reads. He looks up briefly when Dom sets down a hot cup of honey-sweetened, milky tea, reaching out to catch Dom’s hand in his for a moment of silent thanks. Sitting back down and enjoying the relaxed quietness, Dom sips his coffee and accepts a section of the newspaper when Billy offers it to him. It feels comfortable and domestic, average even, like something they could be doing together years from now.
All is well until Dom’s gaze lands on a small article near the bottom of the page, and in an instant, an icy knot has formed in the pit of Dom’s stomach, churning painfully.
The body of a young male that had been discovered in a dumpster has been identified, and the evidence collected at the scene has revealed that he was badly beaten in a different location before his remains were discarded. When Dom reads the street name of the victim, his eyes are suddenly burning with unshed tears. Cory. Not that he’d had much doubt that something bad had happened to the boy he remembered as tortured and abused by so many, Dom hadn’t allowed himself to even consider that Cory was in fact dead.
Suddenly very glad that he chose not to eat breakfast this morning, Dom feels the bile rise in his throat, the bitter taste overtaking the roasted coffee beans and coating his tongue, and it takes all of his control to force it back down. Tears are stinging his eyes, his chest aching, and all Dom wants to do is scream and cry and curse whoever is responsible for this. Blinking rapidly to clear his vision, Dom gulps down the last of his now lukewarm coffee, needing a reason to escape before Billy notices his distress. Clearing his throat and rising to his feet, Dom draws his fingers through his hair.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he announces.
Looking up in surprise, Billy’s expression is inscrutable. “Oh, all right then.”
“I’ll leave you some hot water,” Dom adds lightly as he walks out of the room, forcing himself to keep his pace relaxed and unhurried.
Watching Dom until he disappears and then listening to him move down the hall, Billy frowns, unable to understand the unsettled feeling in his belly. Dom seems more rested than yesterday, but something isn’t quite right. He knows he should’ve taken Viggo’s advice and tried talking to Dom over breakfast, but Billy is afraid that it’ll upset Dom, and cause even more sleepless nights. Billy couldn’t tell Dom that he was awake for hours after the phone call to Viggo, just stroking Dom’s silky hair and watching him sleep.
Without even realizing that he’s done it, Billy rises and abandons his tea and newspaper, following Dom before he can lose his nerve. The silence of what they aren’t talking about is nearly deafening, and Billy has stayed quiet for far too long. He knows that Dom keeps things inside. He held the horrible details of what happened to him, the rape, for years. It’s his coping mechanism. Bury the pain deep, and don’t think about it. While he can’t do that with Dr. Tyler, Dom is still doing it with Billy, and it cannot continue. Suffering in silence is not an option. Not anymore. If Dom talks about it, maybe Billy will be able to help, and if not, at least he’ll be here to support Dom.
Before Billy knows it, he’s at the loo door, but as he raises his hand to knock, the unmistakable echo of Dom sobbing in the tile enclosure fills the quiet. The pounding water is covering most of the sound, but he’s definitely crying heavily, gasping for breath. Dom’s obviously put on a brave face for Billy during breakfast, and left before Billy could see that he was pretending. Again. Laying a hand over his aching heart as he stares at the door, Billy’s eyes glisten, Dom’s pain radiating through his limbs. Questioning whether it’s what Dom really wants, Billy’s fingertips wrap around the door knob as he takes a deep breath, preparing himself to deal with Dom’s overwrought emotions. Unfortunately, Billy is denied the opportunity when he discovers that the door is locked. Once again, Dom has shut him out, kept Billy at a safe distance. Isolated himself.
Bracing one hand on the tile wall, the other covering his mouth to muffle the sound, hot tears flow down Dom’s cheeks, the pounding spray washing away the evidence of his pain. He hadn’t missed the underlying disappointment in Billy’s voice when he’d left the breakfast table, but Dom knows that if he hadn’t, he would’ve burdened Billy further. The fear is never far from Dom’s mind, that Billy will grow tired of his nearly constant need for support and reassurance, and end their relationship, and in turn, leave Dom devastated. Billy’s already done so much for him, so he should be able to handle therapy, shouldn’t he? It’s the only thing Billy asked of him. The one thing. Surely Dom can give him that. Billy wouldn’t have asked too much of him, it’s Dom’s inadequacies that are preventing him from doing what Billy expected of him. Right?
Yes, he has a lot going on right now: Finishing his A levels, Billy, looking at going to uni, repairing the relationship with his parents and attending therapy. He has a responsibility to make up the time he lost, especially to his parents, but somehow prevent them from ever finding out what he did. Never can they know of the shameful things that he did. Somehow Dom has to make it work. Billy, his parents, school, the shop . . . He must figure out a way. He has to. He can’t let people down. Not again. And what about Eric? Does he know what has happened to Cory? Will Dom be the one to tell him?
Part of Dom wants to tell Billy, let it all pour out, but he can’t do it. After the secrets he’s kept and lies that he’s told, he might lose Billy. Sinking to his knees in the shower, the water pouring over his back and shoulders, Dom lets his tears fall.
Moving his hand from his chest to the door, Billy stands motionless, listening as Dom’s sobs lessen and then at last quiet altogether. It is with great reluctance that Billy steps back, unable to make himself confront Dom now, not when he’s clearly in tremendous pain, and Billy cannot bear the thought of causing Dom more distress. It’s obvious that Dom is at his limit right now, and if Billy adds to his burdens, it will likely break him. There is also the twinge of hurt in Billy’s belly, because Dom is so closed off, not allowing Billy in. That he won’t allow Billy to comfort him.
Cursing himself profusely, knowing that he’s being a coward, Billy moves silently back down the hall to the kitchen, falling heavily into his chair and staring blankly at the wall. More than ever, Billy feels the widening divide between him and Dom. It stings painfully that Dom is choosing not to confide in Billy, to lean on him, despite everything that they have shared, and the times that Billy has offered his support. For whatever reason, Dom seems determined to bear the load alone. Why, Billy doesn’t understand.
A hairdryer starts up, pulling Billy back to himself, and he realizes that Dom will be reappearing shortly. If Dom stays true to form, he’ll spend his time in the guest room, studying and completing school work until the book shop opens and his shift downstairs starts. Although Billy has told Dom not to worry about it, to focus on his A levels, Dom insists on keeping his schedule at the book shop. He’s been fiercely adamant about fulfilling his obligations to the schedule he agreed to at the book shop when Billy hired him. How Dom is managing to do so much is a mystery to Billy, but other than his difficulties with the therapy, Dom seems to be handling it quite admirably.
The hairdryer falls quiet, and a little over five minutes later Dom appears in the kitchen doorway, dressed professionally for his shift in the book shop.
“Bills?”
“Aye?”
Giving Dom his full attention, Billy lays the newspaper down on the table next to his cup of tea. He wasn’t reading it, but keeping up appearances for Dom, since he was so thoughtful.
“Can I talk to you about something?” Dom asks, gnawing on his lower lip nervously.
Billy somehow manages not to look shocked at the knowledge that perhaps Dom is going to share something with him. “Absolutely.”
“Would you, I mean, if you have time and wouldn’t mind,” Dom continues awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other, struggling to find the right words.
“Mind what?” Billy inquires, his tone soft and gentle.
“Would you meet with Dr. Tyler?” Dom finally blurts out in a rush. “If you don’t want to, I understand. You don’t have-”
“I’d love to,” Billy interrupts, ending Dom’s rambling. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course, Dommie.”
“Wednesday afternoon?”
“I’ll talk to Mark and arrange for him to cover for me at the shop,” Billy adds. “What time should I be there?”
“Three.”
“All right then.”
“Thanks,” Dom says softly, hoping that Billy won’t notice his slightly puffy eyes.
Dom starts to turn away, but Billy calls out to stop him. Smothering a cringe as best he can, Dom turns back to face Billy, his stomach twisting up into knots again.
“I’ll need the address,” Billy says gently. “You didn’t tell me where it was, other than that it’s near school.”
“Oh, right,” Dom replies with a nod. “I’ll write it down for you.”
“Thank you.”
Listening to Dom walk away again, Billy is convinced that there is another reason why Dom was crying in the shower, one that has nothing to do with Billy meeting with Dr. Tyler. However, it appears that is going to remain a mystery for now, along with all the other things that Dom hasn’t shared with him.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Dom’s nervousness is weighing heavily on Billy’s mind as he arrives at Dr. Tyler’s office, a full twenty minutes early, wanting to ensure that Dom knows that he wants to help in any way that he can. The very last thing Billy wants is for Dom to feel like Billy isn’t supportive of this difficult journey he’s taking. Settling into an overstuffed arm chair and leaning back, Billy reflects on Dom’s behavior of late and ponders what Dr. Tyler wants to speak to him about.
For several days now, Billy has wondered if there’s something he’s doing that is making things more difficult, if he shouldn’t be doing certain things. It’s hard to swallow the worry that he’s inadvertently causing the continuation of the destructive cycle in Dom’s life. For so long, Dom was taken advantage of, abused and then carelessly discarded like garbage, and Billy will do anything to ensure that never happens again, even at the expense of himself.
There is also the issue that Billy was a part of Dom’s former life, the fact that he paid Dom for sex, essentially helping to keep Dom in a life of degradation. Billy can't escape the shame of that, and wonders how much Dom has told Dr. Tyler about how their relationship began. He wouldn’t expect Dom to lie, but knowing what was said would be helpful right about now. Of course, if he wasn’t such a sodding coward and talked to Dom, Billy wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would he?
Shifting in the chair, Billy focuses his attention on the clock and wonders when Dom will be arriving. That is, assuming that Dom is going to be here. It suddenly occurs to Billy that Dom never said they would be in the session together, but had specifically asked if Billy would meet with the therapist. As the minutes tick by, the nervous knot in Billy’s belly begins to tighten. If Dr. Tyler wants to meet with him alone, then maybe Billy is doing something harmful to Dom, to impede his recovery. Perhaps he’s somehow hurting Dom, or worse, what if Dr. Tyler want Billy to do something that he can’t-
Head jerking up when the door across the room swings open, Billy stares in surprise as Dom walks out into the waiting room, a tall woman right behind him. Dom looks visibly drained, his eyes damp and slightly swollen. It’s clearly been a difficult session, and since Dom has his backpack slung over one slender shoulder, he’s evidently not staying for Billy’s appointment. Billy’s belly twists violently, and it’s all he can do to suppress a grimace of pain. Amazingly, Billy manages to smile warmly at Dom as he quickly gets to his feet.
“Hey,” he says softly, reaching out and catching one of Dom’s hands in his own.
“You’re early,” Dom replies, unable to keep the surprise out of his tone as he brushes furtively at his eyes.
“Didn’t want to be late for something so important,” Billy explains simply.
“This must be Billy Boyd,” the woman says, stepping closer.
Moving his gaze from Dom’s to the brunette female at his side, Billy nods in confirmation.
“Aye.”
“With the lovely Scottish accent,” she adds, her smile sincere and friendly. “I’m Dr. Tyler.”
“Pleasure to meet you.”
“And you as well,” Dr. Tyler replies. “Won’t you come in?”
“But-”
Looking back to Dom with concern, wanting to somehow comfort his distressed lover, Billy hesitates, torn as to what Dom will want him to do.
“Go on,” Dom rasps softly, squaring his shoulders and giving Billy a weak smile. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not staying?” Billy asks, unable to stop himself.
“I thought you and I could talk today,” Dr. Tyler interjects. “If that’s all right.”
“I’ve got a paper to write for school,” Dom adds. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Okay then,” Billy agrees reluctantly, his heart sinking, now convinced that the discussion he’s about to have is not going to be pleasant.
Dom starts to walk away, but pauses mid-step when Billy’s small hand wraps around his bicep. Reaching into his trouser pocket with his other hand, Billy offers Dom a ring of keys.
“Take the car. It’s parked across the street ”
“What about-”
“I can take a taxi.”
“Okay,” Dom agrees, revealing to Billy just how exhausted he is from his session.
“I’ll see you later,” Billy murmurs softly, pressing a kiss to Dom’s temple.
“Bye.”
Watching until Dom disappears from sight, Billy then turns to face Dr. Tyler, swallowing the hard lump in his throat.
“Ready?” she asks gently.
“As I’ll ever be,” Billy replies before following the therapist into the office, his heart skipping a beat when the door closes behind them with a quiet click.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 7