I know I'm only getting this upset because I'm sick, and that makes everything in the world seem worse, especially when I've had a hard day at work on top of it, but I can't fucking help it ( Read more... )

Basically, I'm trying to write something right now, but I can't write my chaptereds because I feel like I suck right now (not think I do, feel like) soooo I need to get my creativity going again somehow but there's sweet fuck all coming to me to be honest ( Read more... )

Tonight is hard. I don't know why ( Read more... )

Mostly I'm angry.

Most of all I'm just scared.

It's not so much what I do as how it makes me feel afterwards, when I'm just left wondering what the fuck kind of person I am and maybe they were all right about me after all.

And all I can think is yeah, this feels like home.

It's fine. I'm fine. Start again from Track one.

Fucked up again. And I have no excuse whatsoever.

FUCK.

Why I am always doing it? I never fucking learn.

And now my stomach is cramping and it hurts and I feel shitty and want to do something about it.

It's not even a big deal, or it shouldn't be, but it will be because there's gonna be disappointed-face all around. Well fuck them, it's not ( Read more... )

I am so damn emo today it's not even funny. And I started out really happy but then I kept thinking about stuff and there was a key which I thought I lost which randomly triggered one of my most horrible memories and then I was just fucked. Woe is me, woe is me, etc etc just shut up already.

( But here's why. )

I feel really messed up today. Really, really scared for no reason. I feel sick, and it makes me wanna be sick in that really awesome way. jfc I'm racking my brain, trying to come up with a ~reason for me to freak, but there's nothing. I really want a drink or something, turn the volume down, so it's probably a good thing I ain't got anything right ( Read more... )

my ex called me. last night.

all like, 'oh hai come stay with me and my new partner and shit'

and i got fucked up. like whoa. like... idek tbh.

b/c I miss her so much it's really stupid. even nao I kinda lack the ability to say no to her... but I said I'd think about it ( Read more... )

You know I don't deserve to be alive ( Read more... )

I make myself sick.