so it's exactly a year from when i left for rome. so weird ( Read more... )

you take my breath away.

insecurities are weird and hard. i try and make sense of it in my head and talk my self out of the irrational bits but it's still hard. i know it's silly.... but being in relationships makes things more intense, there's more to lose, there's more to work on and work for. and then there's jealousy... i own it now, i don't put it all on the other ( Read more... )

everytime i go out to a queer dance party/night i leave feeling like shit ( Read more... )

so it's been two years since my uncle took the lives of two of my cousins and then took his own life ( Read more... )

summer is the new winter. i used to get inexplicably depressed every winter... ya know, seasonal depression. but the past few years it's reversed. i actually get more unnecessarily depressed in the summer. i feel really lonely, sad, and lacking in any kind of motivation. there's not really reason for it anymore, though. the past few years, summer ( Read more... )

so, 2008 has been totally awesome. coming back from italy was really weird and really hard. at first i totally freaked out and felt worse than ever. but eventually, it just settled and i actually felt... great. somehow, in all the crazyness and rollercoasters of emotions in rome, i actually managed to heal and let go a good amount. i came home to ( Read more... )

i said goodbye to my two cousins and uncle again last week. it's been a year, a whole year. it was so wierd to be there a year later. so many familiar faces that i silently shared so much pain with last year. i never even talked to most of them, but we were all there in shock, confusion, anger, grief, sadness. we've all been healing, or trying to ( Read more... )

so i've been thinking a lot about what i want from life, from my one and only time i'll ever be on this earth, be alive. what do i want from my short time here? well i can't totally know... i'm still young and i'll always be cotinuing to grow and change. but i know what i do not want and some things that i think i would want my life to include. all ( Read more... )

family stuff is super intense right about now and i feel torn between wanting to sacrifice my autonomy to help everyone out and simultaneously wanting to split and leave them all to their messes. it's so unbearably hard to watch so many people i love's mental and physical health slip and slip and slip. i feel so powerless to help them. sometimes i ( Read more... )