I've been off the Paxil for a couple of weeks now and am still experiencing some withdrawal effects here and there. That drug is monstrous and should really be taken off the market. Jesus ( Read more... )

In the sense that I haven't taken it in a couple of days, after getting down to 2.5mg. But obviously it is still in my system, at least for a little bit longer ( Read more... )

Sitting there nursing Adira tonight, considering different methods of suicide. She speaks and I realize what's happening, and how fucked up it is. And feel even shittier ( Read more... )

Adira is suddenly experiencing abstract fears. Starting yesterday, she freaks out when I turn off the light for bed. She is terrified of, say, the idea of lions coming into our home.

Though inconvenient, this seems like a big developmental leap: she has grown an imagination.

A few days ago, I told Seth that I was almost sure I wanted a divorce at this point. Now we're back to saying "love you" and giving hugs upon arrival and departure; it's as if I never said anything. I'm now picturing my entire life like that Groundhog Day movie, and it's making me laugh ( Read more... )

that is due tomorrow and bit all of my nails down to the quick and stayed up until at least now, 3 in the morning, with alarm due to go off in less than four hours. hate self too much to breathe, really.

My boss is in London, leaving me at least twice the workload ( Read more... )

Today, twelve days into cutting my Paxil dosage in half, I finally learned why people compare Paxil withdrawal from heroin withdrawal, why it's considered the worst SSRI to get off of, and why there are huge forums dedicated to how to quit Paxil ( Read more... )

Apparently and not in any way surprisingly our sniping at each other (no yelling in front of her, but plenty of tense and passive-aggressive/aggressive remarks) is stressing out Adira. She's been making comments the last couple of days. This makes me want to kill myself. I wish I could start my life over again. With new parents. With a new brain. ( Read more... )

My daughter now has three freckles. She is very excited about the one she can see, in the crook of her elbow. When she is wearing long sleeves, she will sometimes push them up, asking, "where my freckle?" She always has to check both arms, since she can't remember on which the freckle resides. She is awed by all of my freckles, and hopes to get ( Read more... )