I was listening to an episode of that one podcast I like, One Bad Mother, at work the other day. (I kind of had this realization that it might make more sense to listen to something while I'm walking from courthouse to post office etc. than to read, since it would make me less likely to crash into someone on a crowded downtown Brooklyn sidewalk, so ( Read more... )

Adira is starting to play with language and I love it. Of course, it's only encouraging my totally inadvisable fantasies about her becoming a writer so she can fulfill my own failed hopes and dreams! That's what one is supposed to do with kids, right ( Read more... )

Tonight when I got back from work I felt more connected and present with her than I normally ever do. I didn't dissociate, which is basically miraculous these days, but it was so much better than that. We were so affectionate and playful, made each other laugh and laugh, hugged and cuddled, kept interrupting each other's 'I love you's with 'I love ( Read more... )

Today: First time Adira went to afterschool. Ooh, just typing that I feel guilt and shame, and a little fear? Why fear ( Read more... )

Adira, on the way to the protest today: "You're hyper, mama!"

For the first time since she was born, Adira has only nursed once today.

- I can't stop feeling like I will not be okay until Rosa comes back. I feel like, when will this nightmare end? Even though I know it doesn't. What I know and what I feel just seem to have nothing to do with each other. And what the fuck. What the fuck. How could she be gone? What the fuck ( Read more... )

Also want to vent, since I haven't gotten to talk to anyone about this today ( Read more... )

- The way she dances every time she has a bite of sausage. Yuck, but awwww ( Read more... )

Yesterday I thought I was having a heart attack and was relieved that it was just a panic attack. Today I experienced intense heart palpitations several times. The only other time I can ever remember getting those was when I had the miscarriage that ended my first pregnancy ( Read more... )