(no subject)
It's been a while. Not a very eventful chapter, But I hope you like it. =)
Title: Scene Change - Getting Over It
Rating: PG
Summary: Shit happens.
Dislcaimer: This didn't happen.
Note: For people reading this :)
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 , (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1) , Stab Wound Healer - Part 2 , Trypanophobia, Reveal Your Secret, Party, The Worst Day Ever
So I’ve come to realize I never bother to put in POV’s so I’m starting this fic haha
*******
(JOEL’S POV)
I’m so worried about him.
I didn’t get a chance to hear the rest of what happened to him, and I probably never will.
I don’t want him to go back home, just to be abused again.
I just can’t believe it’s over.
“Joel…”
I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder, but no reassurance. I feel empty inside.
The worst part of all this is probably the fact that it was hardly a relationship. You can hardly call it a break up. Even though I feel like Benji and I have been through so much together, in reality it’s barely been a week.
Maybe that’s why he had no problem dismissing us.
He’s probably not taking it nearly as hard as I seem to be. It’s just. I really, really liked him. I don’t even know how I could become so attached in such a short time, but I had.
And then there’s André.
Why.
Why? WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!?
If he hadn’t fucking said or done anything. Or if he had confessed earlier….just Jesus fuck.
He told me we’d been friends for too long to have an intimate relationship barely a month ago. Right before I came out. When I jokingly asked him if he was sure he wasn’t gay in the hallway…
Just, GOD!
Who the hell does he think is just coming in and-
“Joel…it’s not that warm outside. Please, just come back in the house?”
I gaze up at Chet who’s been standing patiently.
“I don’t want to. I hate André right now. He - he fucking - he ruined- I just don’t want to see him.”
Chet sighs.
“Come on Joel. You’re going to have to work this out sooner or later. If you don’t like André ,uhh, in that way, you have to tell him straight up. He was acting out of line, I know, but, he’s been your friend for so long. Maybe he was just confused. Maybe you need to talk to him and sort a few things.”
I take this into consideration.
“Chet, I can’t think right now. I know I have to talk about this sooner or later, but I just lost someone I care about because André decided to have an emotional outburst at the most inconvenient time. And probably on purpose. I just don’t want to see him.”
“But Joel! Me and Erik can’t be split between you two! It’s not fair to make us choose! You both are our bros! Fuck!”
He sighs again and sits down beside me on the pavement. Then he slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him.
“Look Joel. What André did was a total dick move. I know. And I have no idea what you must be feeling inside right now. Hell, I’m not even sure what went down in there, but, you have to make a decision. No matter what he did to you, he loves you. He probably feels almost as awful as you do. Maybe even worse, because he was the cause. You know how emotional people get sometimes; he was probably caught up in the moment. So you can either cut André out completely: or try to make amends. Even if it doesn’t work out, you tried. Then maybe once you sort it out, you - you can go find Benji.”
I take a deep breath. He’s right.
“Ahh, Fuck Chet. Fuck you and your all knowingness.” I attempt a smile at him and stand up.
Slowly, I take the steps to the front door.
Creaking, the door opens and I await my fate. I don’t know what I’m going to say.
“You’re doing the right thing Joel.”
Maybe so. I just hope I don’t get too mean.
////
“But Joel, don't you love me?”
Although I’ve tried to keep my temper down, my talk with André isn’t working how I planned. I’m not in love with André. I love him as a friend, as a best friend even. But not romantically. And especially not after what he just did to me.
This whole conversation has gone horrifically.
“André, look. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way. This is all just too fast for me to handle!”
“But - but Joel!”
“André! You broke me and Benji up! What kind of a person does that? If you really loved me, if you were really my friend, you wouldn’t have done that! How can you just suddenly be gay? I’ve known for almost 2 years! And then you happen to love me of all people?! Like, I don’t understand!”
I huff, and go sit down on an armchair. We’re still at Erik’s, but Chet and he have decided to go out for a while to let us deal in privacy.
André doesn’t know what to say, and he tilts his head back to think.
After what seems like 60 years, he shocks me again.
“Maybe - maybe you’re right.”
“What.” I say hoarsely.
“Joel - I -maybe, maybe I wasn’t jealous of Benji, maybe I was just - jealous.”
I think I’m about to explode.
“Well - what!? WHAT!? What does that mean then!” I say shrilly, walking over to him.
“Joel - I - fuck. I’m so - omigod, what did I just do to you…” His eyes are widening.
“Well, I’d like to know too please!” I yell.
“Please, please. Just - just hear me out.”
“I’m listening.” Listening lividly, but listening.
“I - I am gay. I just hid it too, like you. I made up that whole crush on Courtney Hennison a month ago, so you guys wouldn’t guess I was. I mean, I don’t exactly show it. And then when you came out, Dios mio, I was just so fucking shocked. I thought you might’ve just been bi-curious like a lot of kids our age go through. That’s why I got so angry you didn’t tell me. Because I probably could’ve come out as well. But even then, I was still scared. You know my mom is such a hard-line Catholic. If I came out - god I’d probably be shunned.
“And then you found a guy who you seemed seriously into, and I guess he seemed to reciprocate. I was envious that you found somebody after such a short time of being out. And the thing is, I’ve always thought you looked good Joel, so I think my jealousy of Benji caused me to come up with the notion that I was in love with you. Because I do love you, always have. But I guess just as - well friends.”
He finishes and puts his head in his hands.
“And now I’ve ruined my best hombres relationship. I kissed my best friend. What the fuck is wrong with me.”
I don’t even know what to say. I - I can’t even be mad at him anymore. Well, a little, but not furious.
“God. André - I. Fuck. I think I’ll need a little more time, but - I - I think I can forgive you. I mean, even if you did cause our, our break up, Benji wouldn’t - he didn’t. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
I sit down on the floor and wallow in my misery. If only he’d listened and not acted like such a jackass. I mean, here I am caring about him, yet I wasn’t even given a chance. But I guess if I saw him kissing somebody else, I’d assume the worst too…
“Joel,” André says putting a hand to my shoulder, “ so can we still be friends? Are we okay? I mean I’m so sorry. So sorry.”
I look up at him, and I slowly nod.
He smiles, and adds somewhat reluctantly: “And I swear to you I’ll help you win him back. Whatever it takes. That’s a promise.”
Well I just hope that whatever it takes can win him back.
*****************
(BENJI’S POV)
I march somberly along the pavement to the only place I know I won’t be kicked out of. The only place I feel like I can go to without collapsing completely.
I lost my home, a boy I really like and probably my father all in the span of about 6 hours.
This is the most horrific day of my entire life.
“Benji!” Stila greets me with her always warm smile as I enter her shop. “How have you been? How’s it going with-”
She stops as she notes the frown on my face and all the stuff I’m carrying.
“What’s with the gear and the long face?”
I just stand there unsure of where to begin.
“Hon?”
I look into her weary, older wisdom-filled eyes, and I know I can just let it out.
“My dad, he, he kicked me out.”
“Oh honey! Why?” She comes over and puts her arm around me.
I try to explain but my words come out in a jumble of anxiety.
“Because, because I told him I was gay and then he didn’t say anything, and then I got really mad and, and then he came in and told me he had to ‘fix this problem’, and I got really offended and then we got into an argument because I said that if he didn’t accept me then I should be somewhere else, then he said I should leave so he doesn’t hurt me again, but I didn’t really want to leave him and then he started insulting Joel and I told him to go fuck himself so he hit me!”
Her grip hardens on my shoulder. I continue:
“I was just so angry because Joel’s stupid friend André made me leave in the morning, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk about things but I wanted to come out to him and just, it was awful. And then I went back to see Joel because I didn’t know where else to go and then I walked in on him and André k-kissing each other,” my voice starts to crack. “ And I just, I was already so shaken up that all I could do was resort to my defense mechanisms by blocking him out. I didn’t want him to see me break down. H-he told me he wanted me still but why would he when he - he’s got his best friend.”
She sits me down on the edge of the stage that’s in her shop for bands to play. She pats my back while I silently sob.
After what seems like forever she says:
“Oh sweets, what a terrible day you’ve had. Do you think you’ll reconcile with either of them?”
I give it a thought. “I don’t know. Maybe I was totally wrong about my father. I thought he’d changed for the better. He, well some things happened years ago when he was on drugs, and he promised they’d never happen again. I’m afraid that they will if I go back, and he was dead serious about me leaving.
“And Joel. I don’t know what it is about him, but he, he made me so - so infatuated with him. Maybe I wasn’t seeing the real him, because why would he lead me on like that if he was such a good guy? I don’t even know what happened between him and André, but he sure looked guilty when I walked in on them. God, I always seem to get such bad luck.’
She looks at me with a sympathetic gaze, and then ponders for a moment.
“This is quite a tragic predicament. Now, of course you don’t have to, but I have a proposition for you.”
I flip my head curiously at her.
“I don’t think my husband will mind if you stay with us for a while. Until you can get enough money, or find a suitable home of course. You are legal after all, aren’t you?”
My jaw drops at her proposal.
“R-r-really? You’d do that for me?”
“Of course hon. You aren’t the first. I love helping kids like you out. The nice, well meaning kind who can’t seem to catch a break.” She grins.
I smile slowly in immense thankfulness.
“Thank you, so, so much. You have my eternal gratitude. Really, you just saved my life. Literally. I’d be on the streets tonight if it wasn’t for you.”
I shakily stand up and engulf her in embrace.
“You’re welcome hon,” she says after a moment. “Everyone deserves a little luck in their lives.”
***********
Joel’s POV
It’s been 2 weeks.
Actually, 15 days. 15 days since I talked to him.
I can’t get Benji out of my mind.
It’s ridiculous considering of how little a time he actually was in my life, but, still.
I’m worried about his well-being.
I see him around school sometimes, though we don’t have any classes. He doesn’t look good - he looks always tired - and I wonder if this has to do with his dad. All I know is that he hit him, but I don’t know what happened afterwards, and I don’t even know how many times he was beaten.
He doesn’t work for Dimensions Home Renovators anymore, so I don’t even get a shot of reconciliation. Even if he didn’t give me a chance to explain. Apparently he backed out of the job because he didn’t get ‘enough hours’, and he wanted the weekend to be able to work on his summatives etc. It hurts that he made up such a stupid lie. It means that he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. I mean who would if they saw their ‘boyfriend’ making out with some other guy, even though I WASN’T.
In 2 weeks time, we’ll have graduated, and I’ll be going all the way out to Montréal for university. My aunt lives there, so I’m getting an early start and find my way around.
Maybe it’s for the best. I can, forget, about him and move on.
But I sure as hell don't want to.