No Lies, Just Love
Heres the third installment children. It's still kind of a prologue i guess, because nothing has happened between the boys yet. I just like to build my characters is all, so you have some back story and can get into their personality. Enjoy :)
Title: Scene Change - No Lies, Just Love.
Rating: PG - for now.
Summary: The sappy, heartwrenching opening. Benji & Joel will get together soon enough kids.
Dislaimer: LIES LIES LIES. I made it up.
Notes: For my friends, A & S, who never got to know their real dad <3
Prologue: Benji Prologue: Joel
“Mmmmmmph..” Stooooop. Somethings shaking me. Shaking me violently.
I put my arm out to swat the thing away, and end up rolling away onto something damp and cold.
Where am I? What the hell….
I force my eyes open - and the previous night comes flooding back.
Then I slowly look up - and its him. It’s my dad.
“Hello, Benjamin.” He says.
No words will come. He looks terrible.
His brown hair is dishevelled; he has major stubble, great big bags under his eyes and is super pale. He also looks like he hasn’t eaten a thing in weeks.
I thought I’d be scared of him, but he’s - he’s - so weak. I’m finding I feel - sorry for him. I feel sorry for him?
“Hey Dad,” I whisper.
“Benjamin - I - I’m sorry I didn’t get your message until this morning.”
I just gape at him. It’s still unreal that he’s actually standing right in front of me. After all the time gone by, it almost feels like he never left. I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad.
“Benjamin, we have some things to discuss.”
I hesitate. “O-okay.”
He looks at me awkwardly. “Well get up, gather your things & follow me.”
Oddly enough I do what I’m told, with no questions asked. And I like to know all the facts.
Maybe it’s because after all this time, I’m finally going to get some answers from my father. Some insight to why he acted like such a dick.
We walk away from Toronto International for a few minutes, in total agonizing silence until we reach an area called CentennialPark. We find a park bench and sit down.
Quietness ensues. I wait for him to this start conversation. I could try, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
“Benjamin,” he starts after an eternity, “I know you aren’t very fond of me.”
“Dad….”
“Just listen to me. I know you aren’t fond of me. When you’re foster home contacted me, they told me they had to struggle just for you to tell them my name- to get any information at all about me from you.”
I stare at the ground, feeling ashamed.
“Son, I just want to know why? Why? Why didn’t you try to contact me after - after the incident?” The naivety in his voice makes me mad. The anger flows through my brain and flies off my tongue.
“Can you blame me Dad!? It’s been 6 years. SIX YEARS. You just decide one day to get up and leave! You never called, never wrote or even tried to contact me! You expect me to just run back into your arms, after all that you’ve done?”
He looks at me utterly shocked. “I - I tried to contact you. Almost every week but- I thought you - I - Benjamin? Didn’t your mother ever tell you why I left?”
Wait. WHAT?
My turn to look flabbergasted.
“Obviously not.” He sighs then puts his face in his hands. He mumbles into his palms, but I hear him. “Why the fuck Carol, why?”
“Dad, what the hell? What didn’t Mom tell me? What the fuck is going on!?”
“Son, I came to Canada to start over. I came to get help. I went to rehab.”
“What?”
“Jesus, do you think I left because I didn’t love you anymore!?”
“Well, duh! You didn’t even tell me you were going, let alone your destination. Why didn’t you try to explain?”
“It was too hard for me Benj.” Oh now he brings out the nickname. “After what I had done to you. I didn’t think you could ever understand. You were so young, and I, I was a monster.”
I feel the tears pricking at the back of my eyes.
“Carol was so angry that I was going to destroy our family. But she promised, she promised she would explain it all to you. She was already so mad after everything I had done; I don’t think she ever forgave me. The punishment I guess, was to lie to me and to you.”
“What - what else did she lie about?”
He inhales, taking a deep breath. “Okay Benj, you want to know the whole story? For me to be brutally honest? You damn well deserve to know the truth” I nod.
“Ok,” He sighs. “Here it goes. And I won’t lie, it might sting a little. Your mom and I - to be frank our marriage was falling apart. I was working too much, and there was no more romance anymore. We fought a lot, so I resorted to drugs to get me through all the stress. Pathetic I know. Mom didn’t know what to do about me and my problem, so she dealt with it by ignoring me. We were so fucked up.”
The memories flooding back into my brain cause the tears to begin.
“You remember all those times we took you to the babysitters for ‘date night’? We were going to therapy. Didn’t help. I just got angrier and angrier, but never let out my frustration. I stayed at home for so long because I didn’t want to be that guy. The one who was an asshole and left his wife and child. But after that night, I had to do it. I had to. ” He stops - his eyes bloodshot & moist. “You understand me? You get why I had to start over?”
“I - I do.” I hope I do.
“I wasn’t allowed to contact the outside world during rehab. The second I was released, I called you at home. I’ve missed you so much, Benj. I wanted to explain everything, to make you forgive me. To understand me. But Carol wouldn’t let me talk to you. She said that you hated me, and bad influences like me shouldn’t be trusted and given second chances.” He huffs. “I kept calling, and calling, and calling. God knows why you never answered the phone. Always the same response: ‘Go Away Dan, he doesn’t want to talk to you.’ I begged her to let you visit me after I found a house - BEGGED- but I knew that was a failure from the first attempt…...” He trails off then bursts into irritation.
“Arrrgh, why didn’t she tell you?!? How could she lie to me- to us - after all these years”
Everything clicks now. My mom told me to never answer the phone when it started with an extended area code because they were ‘telemarketers’. She always would slag Dad off if I ever brought him up, and remind me of what he did to us. What I thought he did to us. My mother made me hate him. She’s the one who convinced me that he was the worst man in the world, when really, he’s the total opposite. I feel like such a fool.
Time slows as I make my next move. I slide down the bench and I try to form my words to make them sink in.
“Dad. Oh, dad. Shit, how do I phrase this?” He looks up at me, expectantly. Right in my eyes, desperate for me to continue.
“If I had known you were going to rehab, I would have understood completely. I know I was only 12, but I, well I knew what you were doing. I wasn’t naïve. I was only so angry when you left because I loved you Dad. I fucking needed you, and I thought I’d never see you again. Mom was so goddamn depressed all the time. She would work, work, work like you did. I know that you both did it to support me, but it made me feel so guilty, and continue to hate you for not even paying child support.
“But, Christ, I blamed you all this time for something you never did in the first place! All of my days spent fuming and frustrated, when everything could’ve been resolved. I don’t understand how Mom could’ve tortured me like this.Why - why-” I reach my breaking point.
Stop. I need to stop bawling. I have to finish what I’m trying to say.
I feel arms wrapping around me, and my fathers voice whispering in my ear.
“It’s because she cares son. She hadn’t seen me in a long time. She was still upset, I’d imagine, for all the things I did. You can’t really blame her for wanting to protect you. Me and your mom, no matter what shit goes down, We love you. Even if we can’t fucking show it the right way, we adore you son. I hope you know that.
“And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
And I believe him. I finally have my Dad back.
“I forgive you Dad. I forgive you.”
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Ok. super intenseness i know. But i love writing dramatic crap like that :). Don't worry Benji & Joel will meet soon enough, actually very soon. So don't kill me please. Mad love. OK my computer is making it impossible to type because its slow, and it's pausing every milisecond when i type in this stupid box, soo ill just not write anymore. Duhhh, You retard. I'm so stupid sometimes.