(no subject)
I should be studying.....
Title: Scene Change - Reveal Your Secret
Rating: PG
Summary: Benji grabs the bull by his horns, and tells everybody else his secret.
Dislcaimer: This didn't happen.
Note: For the people who think studying for exams sucks~
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 , (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1) , Stab Wound Healer - Part 2 , Trypanophobia
Shit.
Today’s the day.
Not a day - The day. Joel and Silas know I’m gay - time to tell everybody else.
I just hope all the feelings that Joel told me I would feel actually take place.
Relief, Realness, Confidence, Liberation.
Apparently I get all those things when I announce I’m a homo: A package deal.
I’m not really resentful to come out anymore. Because let’s be honest here, the grinding force behind me not coming out would be the consequence of Silas’ reaction. And since I already dealt with that and survived? I can deal with anything. Besides, Joel likes me for whoever it is I am, so what’s the point in hiding at all?
I just pray my Dad will understand. I know we’ve reconciled since I arrived here, but I still feel distant from him. We still have so much unpleasant history between us. It’s been so long, and we both have changed so much, that it’s awkward. We talk yeah, but it always feels like I’m talking to a boss or something: You be friendly, but not too friendly because he’s in charge. So stupid.
“Benjamin?” I hear my dad outside my door. “Are you up? Your bus comes in about 10 minutes.
Dammit. “Yeah, I’m up.” I’ve been sitting on my bed for about 35 minutes, but what of it?
I stand and trudge to my pile of clothes. I want something that represents me. I’m going to make the effort to not make an effort. I don’t want to look like I just went -POOF! I’m a little fairy boy now! - I have to appear not-caring, myself and I don’t know. Cool?
Wow. Overanalyzing about what I’m wearing today just totally contradicts everything I’m trying to achieve…
Meh. I grab a Social D shirt, and my bondage pants. Then I put gel in my hair to spike it up, so it doesn’t look so goddamn smushy on my forehead.
I walk out my room and grab a foil of chocolate Pop Tarts for the bus ride.
“Bye son, have a nice day.”
“I’ll try,” I reply getting out the door. I’ll try…
/////////
Paranoia sweeps my brain as I get on the threshold of the school grounds. What if Silas told everybody already? Are people going to talk and point at me behind my back? Am I that self absorbed to think that people would even know who I am, let alone think twice about me?
Apparently so. Nobody looks at me as I walk up to the entrance of the school. Nervously, I enter the hallways grasping my bag tight, and wandering aimlessly. I need a smoke. I wish I knew where Joel was…
*************
“Joel? Why are we leaving for school so early…!?” Chet groans as he gets in the car.
It’s 7:20. I usually pick them all up at 7:40 to arrive just in time for class.
“Guys,” I address them all excitedly: Chet, Erik & Andre. “I have some news.”
Andre, riding shotgun, looks at me oddly. “Yeah Joel? What is it?”
“Guys, I -I met somebody. He goes to our school.” I can sense their eyes and mouths dropping open and wide.
“What?” Erik finally answers. “Really?! That’s awesome! Dude, who is it? Do we know him?”
“Yeah! He’s in our music class. Benji Combs.”
Silence.
When I halt for a stop sign, I look to see Andre’s stunned expression
“What!? What’s wrong with him?”
“Joel - he. He hangs out with Silas.” Chet growls.
“Oh, not anymore! He only hung out with them because they liked the same music…I think. Anyways he’s coming out just like I did today, so we got to back him up if people are jerks. I told him we would.”
Silence.
“Joel. What the fuck are you on? Have you been taking your Ritalin lately?”
“Andre!” I’m surprised he of all people doesn’t understand. And that he’s being so rude.
“What? You just randomly announce to us you’re seeing this apparently gay hombre who hangs out with an elitist piece of garbage. Is that why you were away yesterday? To hang out with some- some punk ass kid?!”
“No! What the hell man! He doesn’t hang out with him. Silas fucking stabbed him on Sunday and -“
“WHAT!!”
“Okay okay. I should probably explain everything in depth. From the start. Sorry. I actually did forget to take my fuckin’ Ritalin okay? I’m really out of balance. So just shut the hell up and listen.”
They all calm down, listening expectantly.
“Well Andre, you know how I was gloomy and everything on Monday? Well that’s because……”
I explain everything to them. From when Benji kissed me, to him meeting me in the café, to Silas being a dumbfuck, all the way to the trip to the hospital and him telling me he is going to confess today.
“…that’s why I didn’t come yesterday. Okay? I wasn’t doing anything illegal, or even bad. I know you have preconceived notions about him - I did too. But his outer appearance is way different than what he’s actually like. I like him - so deal with it.”
I finish with intensity, hoping to get the message through.
“So…Let me get this straight. We’re here early to defend this kid if things get ugly for him?” Erik questions.
“Exactly. I know that if I hadn’t had you guys when I came out, I’d be totally fucked. Besides, I want you to meet him. Actually meet him."
“Well J-man. If you really are fond of him, I guess he must be a sick guy.” Oh, I love you Chet.
“Are you certain he’s going to keep his word and come out?’ I gape at Andre
“Yes. I do. The reason he was holding back before is because he was terrified of Silas and his dad, the same way I was terrified of telling you guys. Now that Silas knows, and god knows who else, he can just be himself finally.”
We pull up in the student parking lot and I jump out of the car. The rest follow.
I realize I never told Benji where to meet me today; hell I didn’t even give him my cell number or anything. What a great start.
But as we all get into the caf, I spot a familiar body slumped with his backpack on one of the tables. His acoustic lays on top of his lap. He’s frowning.
“He doesn’t look too friendly…” I hear Erik whisper to Chet.
“Obviously,” Andre states.
“Come on guys. Just give him a chance okay?” They all nod unenthusiastically.
“Hey Benji!” His head jerks up, and then he smiles as he spots me. “Get over here.” I beckon him to us.
He stretches out and snatches his bag and guitar case, and walks towards us.
“Hey...”
******************
This is incredibly uncomfortable.
I can already tell that Joel’s friends do not like me, and I haven’t spoken to them yet.
They keep staring at my injuries. I don’t know what Joel told them. They probably think I was in some bar fight or something…
At least Chet and the other guy are attempting to appear friendly ; his Spanish friend is blatantly glaring at me. I try to stay collected anyways. If these guys are going to be my new mates, I have to at least make an effort to be nice.
“Benji, these are my awesome friends!” Joel points to them in sequence, “Chet, Erik and André. Guys, this is Benji.” At least somebody’s excited.
‘Hi,” I wave to them sincerely. Nothing. I shuffle awkwardly.
Joel looks around at all of his buddies, encouraging them.
“Sorry. Hi, nice to meet you,’ Chet says.
“Yeah, Ditto dude.” Erik agrees.
Andre says nothing. Then after a few moments:
“So you’re a homo too?”
I see Joel’s, actually everyone’s, eyes go wide.
I guess he did tell them. Whatever, I don’t mind. “Yep, I am a homo too.”
Andre narrows his eyes accusingly at me. “Then why do you, or did you, hang out with that stupid cabron Silas?”
Oh. That’s why he hates me. Silas has been a dick to Joel, so he obviously thinks I’m going to treat him in the same manner. I guess I have some explaining to do.
“Honestly? It’s because I didn’t fit in anywhere else. His group only accepted me because we dressed the same, and because we had similar tastes in music. But I don’t agree with their actions at all. I know it’s probably hard to believe for you guys that I do hate him. He’s an asshole. I know I shouldn’t have just stood by when he was being a bully to other people, but fuck, I’m scared as shit of him too. I don’t know what Joel’s told you, but he found out I was gay and roughed me up. Now that it’s over, I don’t see the point in hiding still. So yeah. I was just clinging on to them so I wouldn’t be alone. Pathetic, I know. But you gotta have someone you can hang with right?”
I stop and see that they are taking me into consideration. Chet’s nodding, and Erik has a puzzled expression. Andre is still giving me snake eyes.
“Makes sense,” Chet finally says.
“Yeah. Fuck that dude should be put into a mental home. Well at least you don’t have to chill with him anymore man.” Erik adds.
My eyes light up. Does that mean? Does this mean what I think it means?
“See I told you they’d like you.” Joel smiles.
“You guys really are cool if I hang around? I mean, I really like this boy.” Joel bares his teeth in a grin at them in some sort of triumphant gesture, and I go red. “But, I don’t want to just take him away from you. I want to chill with you guys, I want to get to know you. Then we can all be happy and everything else good...”
“Yeah man, for sure.” Chet nods at me.
“Totally. Dude, I’m sorry we were being jerks just now. I just - I dunno. You are way different than I expected. Way nicer.” Erik tells me.
Everyone looks at Andre, who huffs and crosses his arms.
“As long as you’re not playing him,” He jerks his head at Joel. “Then you can stay.”
Joel glares at Andre, but before he can mouth off at him, I intervene
“Don’t worry. I’m not. I’m not like that. This is serious to me.”
“Let’s just keep it that way.” He says back at me.
Oh man, the protective older brother type. It’s going to take some more action to win this one over.
The warning bell sounds and we all shuffle to class. As we walk, Joel subtly grabs at my fingers, unsure. I’m aware that I’m being watched like a hawk, and not just by Andre... I’d rather wait until after I make my announcement to act all coupley, but I know what a horrible impression I’d make…so I grasp his hand firmly. Joel smiles at me and swings our laced arms. I beam back. All this flack I might have to go through is so worth it just to see him happy and smiling.
My smile fades however, as we enter the alcove where Music is. Silas is sitting on the bench right beside the door. I feel Joel tense up in anger beside me.
I hate him. I hate him. It’s not just that I’m terrified that he’ll hurt me or Joel, it’s the fact that he is getting away with cutting me up. It’s the fact that he makes me feel violent. Because I managed to knock him down after he laid down a few punches. And I didn’t stop. I started to kick him until I realized I was victimizing him, instead of the other way around. I hate hurting people.
Determined, I drag Joel towards the classroom, totally ignoring Silas.
“Hey faggots, I see you still managed to hitch up. You are desperate aren’t you, Joel? Clinging onto this hack so he can drill you then leave. You know I was just lookin’ out for ya when I stabbed this fuck.” He snarls at us.
I stop and drop Joel’s hands to clench my fists; tempted to turn around and deck him. But I feel a hand on my back, pushing me forwards. I look back and it’s Chet with a face that reads: ‘It’s not worth it, just ignore him.’ I unclench my knuckles.
I continue into the class, the bell ringing as we all get inside.
“Thanks,” I say to Chet.
“No problem. I know how you feel. I’d wanna pummel him too, but if you fought him, in his mind you’d just be justifying what he said, and I don’t think what he said was the truth at all.” This kid is bright.
“Yeah. You’re right.”
“I really want to knock his brains out.” We both look at Joel, whose furious.
I rub his arm in a comforting way.
“Whoa, guys. What’s with a bunch of you coming in late? Sit down boys!” Mr. Freeman says as he walks to the centre of the class.
“Mr. Freeman, can I just quickly make an announcement?” I ask seizing the opportunity.
“Uh, sure Benji. Go for it.” I get curious gazes as I take the teacher’s place in the middle of the room.
“Okay. Here it goes……Everybody,” I falter as I see anticipated faces. But, I can’t stop now. “I’m gay.”
Stunned silence. It’s awful. Mr. Freeman doesn’t know what to say.
A few of the metalheads are in total shock. I’ve played with a couple of them, and I guess judging by their reaction, I won’t be anymore…
Even my old ‘friends’ are in shaken up. I guess Silas wanted to save all my humiliation for today
But then Cindy, a very blonde pianist twits: “Omigod! You & Joel should go out. You’d look so cute together!”
This breaks the tension, and I hear a few laughs. I decide to grab the bull by the horns. Carpe Diem.
“Actually,” I go over to Joel who’s shyly sitting on a chair in the front, and pull him off of it. I put our joint hands up in the air.
“We are.”
Cindy makes an “Aww’ sound and a few other girls whisper “That’s so ce-uuuute”
Joel & I blush in unison for a couple of seconds
Freeman claps his hands. “Soooo… is that all?”
“Yep, that’s it.” I go and sit down, and Joel follows beside me.
That’s it. That’s it!
That was so easy. Maybe I lost a few acquaintances, but if they’re gonna judge me based on my sexuality, then do I even want to know them? God, I should’ve done this so long ago!
As the lesson starts, and I bend over to take out my guitar, I feel hot breath against my ear.
“That was so amazing Benji. You’re the best.”
So worth it.
*****************
I’ve been in a blissed out state all day. Benji not only came out, he told everybody about us, which lets me know he really is serious. Andre & Silas’ comments had been swirling around my head, making me doubt Benji, even though I know he didn’t lie to me. Fuck, I’m so happy.
He even told me he really likes Chet & Erik at lunch after he had chatted with them; he said they were really chill and nice to have just let him in the group. He didn’t say anything about Andre, but Andre’s been a dick all day…
Class just ended and Chet & Erik are arguing over what to do by my car. I light up a cigarette and inhale deeply. I’m just waiting for Benji…
“Man, tomorrow’s Victoria Day right? We get it off! We should party tonight at my house.”
“Nah! We should hit up Endhits and see if there’s a show.”
“There aren’t any good bands playing in the middle of the week! Come on! If we go to my house than we can get crunk!”
Chet falters, clearly enticed by the idea.
“Welllll……oh, fine! Let’s get trashed.”
I shake my head. “Oh, you alchies. Although, I concur.”
“Ha ha. Good. Hey, um, does Benji wanna come?” Erik asks.
“I don’t know…I don’t even know if he drinks…”
“Kay… well he can come anyway, he doesn’t have to consume my alcohol. I only have like, two 40 ounces.” Oh, Erik. “You coming Dre?” He looks at Andre already sitting in the front seat.
“Yeah, I guess.” Sigh. I wish he would stop being so miserable. I don’t want him to be like that. I can’t understand why he dislikes Benji so much…
Speak of the devil, here he comes.
“Hey guys,” he says to all of us, but he’s looking directly at me. When he steps up to the car, which I’m leaning against, he grabs the cigarette out of my hand and flicks it away pecking me once softly. Then he wraps his arms around my neck.
I smile and drape mine around his waist, not even bothered that I only got one drag.
“So Benji dude,” Erik says ignoring the PDA, “Wanna come to my house and chill tonight?”
“Yeah! Sounds good man. But what about school?”
“That’s the brill part. We get a holiday in Canada called Victoria Day. I guess it’s like the Flag Day equivalent for the US.”
“Oh sweet.”
I’m so glad that everything isn’t awkward for the most part. I can already tell that Erik has accepted Benji because he never directly will talk to someone if he doesn’t like them. Andre? …Well hopefully he’ll come around, he usually does. And Chet: he’s always been a friendly guy. Gahhhh, today is just the best day.
I let go of Benji and dive into the driver’s seat. He looks at Andre in the front, pouts a bit, then shrugs it off and takes a seat in the back next to Chet.
“So, uh. We were going to drink tonight, but I don’t know if you like too…?” Erik directs his question at Benji.
“Yeah man, I’m down. Uh, did you want me to buy some? I don’t mind.” In the rear-view mirror I see Chet look at him funny.
“What do you mean?” Erik asks. I grin excitedly for his reaction.
“I’m 19. Isn’t that the legal age here?” I can see everyone’s jaw drop and I laugh.
“NO! No way dude! That’s AWESOME! YES. PLEASE. Joel, stop at the Beer Store, we gonna stock up!” Benji laughs at the enthusiasm, and I giggle along.
“Damn man, with you around the summer’s going to be sick! Nice pick Joel.” Chet adds. I smile with pride. He props Benji’s knuckle, and Erik gives him a Hi-5.
I pull up to the Beer Store that’s about 3 blocks from Erik’s house. Benji gets out.
“Umm, I only got like $16, so I can probably get a 12 pack or something. Are any of you pitching…? I can share for today, I don’t mind…”
“Well, I got two 40’s at home…I can share those.” Erik replies.
“I’m kind of broke. All my money’s in the bank…” Chet says sheepishly.
“Me too, to be honest,” I say. Why did I spend all my money on shoes??
He looks hesitantly at Andre, who rolls his eyes.
“Here, I got a 20. Get a 24 and a 6 pack of Corona.” He hands Benji a crumpled bill from his pocket.
“Thanks…” He goes inside the store.
“Andre, why are you being such a fucktard?” Chet blurts out.
Andre turns to glare at him.“You both are acting like morons. We barely know this guy and you act like he’s your best friend just because he can buy you booze! Yeah he’s nice, but everyone always is when you first meet them. I don’t trust him. That’s just the way it is.”
I sink into my seat, deflated. He doesn’t trust him? I don’t want to start an argument. I’ll deal with Dre later, when we can talk privately. I’m sure he has a legit reason to believe that……
Benji comes back out with the Corona. I pop the trunk for him, and when he slams it shut he walks over to Andre.
“Here, there was change left over.” He hands him well over $7 in change. Andre takes it almost shamed-faced and mumbles a thank you.
“Let’s GO!” Erick shouts fidgety. I laugh and pull out, now really excited to have a party.
I smile. I cannot wait to see Benji hammered.
**********************
Yes. You do get to see Benji hammered:) I was svaing the party for a longer chapter availability :P
Title: Scene Change - Reveal Your Secret
Rating: PG
Summary: Benji grabs the bull by his horns, and tells everybody else his secret.
Dislcaimer: This didn't happen.
Note: For the people who think studying for exams sucks~
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 , (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1) , Stab Wound Healer - Part 2 , Trypanophobia
Shit.
Today’s the day.
Not a day - The day. Joel and Silas know I’m gay - time to tell everybody else.
I just hope all the feelings that Joel told me I would feel actually take place.
Relief, Realness, Confidence, Liberation.
Apparently I get all those things when I announce I’m a homo: A package deal.
I’m not really resentful to come out anymore. Because let’s be honest here, the grinding force behind me not coming out would be the consequence of Silas’ reaction. And since I already dealt with that and survived? I can deal with anything. Besides, Joel likes me for whoever it is I am, so what’s the point in hiding at all?
I just pray my Dad will understand. I know we’ve reconciled since I arrived here, but I still feel distant from him. We still have so much unpleasant history between us. It’s been so long, and we both have changed so much, that it’s awkward. We talk yeah, but it always feels like I’m talking to a boss or something: You be friendly, but not too friendly because he’s in charge. So stupid.
“Benjamin?” I hear my dad outside my door. “Are you up? Your bus comes in about 10 minutes.
Dammit. “Yeah, I’m up.” I’ve been sitting on my bed for about 35 minutes, but what of it?
I stand and trudge to my pile of clothes. I want something that represents me. I’m going to make the effort to not make an effort. I don’t want to look like I just went -POOF! I’m a little fairy boy now! - I have to appear not-caring, myself and I don’t know. Cool?
Wow. Overanalyzing about what I’m wearing today just totally contradicts everything I’m trying to achieve…
Meh. I grab a Social D shirt, and my bondage pants. Then I put gel in my hair to spike it up, so it doesn’t look so goddamn smushy on my forehead.
I walk out my room and grab a foil of chocolate Pop Tarts for the bus ride.
“Bye son, have a nice day.”
“I’ll try,” I reply getting out the door. I’ll try…
/////////
Paranoia sweeps my brain as I get on the threshold of the school grounds. What if Silas told everybody already? Are people going to talk and point at me behind my back? Am I that self absorbed to think that people would even know who I am, let alone think twice about me?
Apparently so. Nobody looks at me as I walk up to the entrance of the school. Nervously, I enter the hallways grasping my bag tight, and wandering aimlessly. I need a smoke. I wish I knew where Joel was…
*************
“Joel? Why are we leaving for school so early…!?” Chet groans as he gets in the car.
It’s 7:20. I usually pick them all up at 7:40 to arrive just in time for class.
“Guys,” I address them all excitedly: Chet, Erik & Andre. “I have some news.”
Andre, riding shotgun, looks at me oddly. “Yeah Joel? What is it?”
“Guys, I -I met somebody. He goes to our school.” I can sense their eyes and mouths dropping open and wide.
“What?” Erik finally answers. “Really?! That’s awesome! Dude, who is it? Do we know him?”
“Yeah! He’s in our music class. Benji Combs.”
Silence.
When I halt for a stop sign, I look to see Andre’s stunned expression
“What!? What’s wrong with him?”
“Joel - he. He hangs out with Silas.” Chet growls.
“Oh, not anymore! He only hung out with them because they liked the same music…I think. Anyways he’s coming out just like I did today, so we got to back him up if people are jerks. I told him we would.”
Silence.
“Joel. What the fuck are you on? Have you been taking your Ritalin lately?”
“Andre!” I’m surprised he of all people doesn’t understand. And that he’s being so rude.
“What? You just randomly announce to us you’re seeing this apparently gay hombre who hangs out with an elitist piece of garbage. Is that why you were away yesterday? To hang out with some- some punk ass kid?!”
“No! What the hell man! He doesn’t hang out with him. Silas fucking stabbed him on Sunday and -“
“WHAT!!”
“Okay okay. I should probably explain everything in depth. From the start. Sorry. I actually did forget to take my fuckin’ Ritalin okay? I’m really out of balance. So just shut the hell up and listen.”
They all calm down, listening expectantly.
“Well Andre, you know how I was gloomy and everything on Monday? Well that’s because……”
I explain everything to them. From when Benji kissed me, to him meeting me in the café, to Silas being a dumbfuck, all the way to the trip to the hospital and him telling me he is going to confess today.
“…that’s why I didn’t come yesterday. Okay? I wasn’t doing anything illegal, or even bad. I know you have preconceived notions about him - I did too. But his outer appearance is way different than what he’s actually like. I like him - so deal with it.”
I finish with intensity, hoping to get the message through.
“So…Let me get this straight. We’re here early to defend this kid if things get ugly for him?” Erik questions.
“Exactly. I know that if I hadn’t had you guys when I came out, I’d be totally fucked. Besides, I want you to meet him. Actually meet him."
“Well J-man. If you really are fond of him, I guess he must be a sick guy.” Oh, I love you Chet.
“Are you certain he’s going to keep his word and come out?’ I gape at Andre
“Yes. I do. The reason he was holding back before is because he was terrified of Silas and his dad, the same way I was terrified of telling you guys. Now that Silas knows, and god knows who else, he can just be himself finally.”
We pull up in the student parking lot and I jump out of the car. The rest follow.
I realize I never told Benji where to meet me today; hell I didn’t even give him my cell number or anything. What a great start.
But as we all get into the caf, I spot a familiar body slumped with his backpack on one of the tables. His acoustic lays on top of his lap. He’s frowning.
“He doesn’t look too friendly…” I hear Erik whisper to Chet.
“Obviously,” Andre states.
“Come on guys. Just give him a chance okay?” They all nod unenthusiastically.
“Hey Benji!” His head jerks up, and then he smiles as he spots me. “Get over here.” I beckon him to us.
He stretches out and snatches his bag and guitar case, and walks towards us.
“Hey...”
******************
This is incredibly uncomfortable.
I can already tell that Joel’s friends do not like me, and I haven’t spoken to them yet.
They keep staring at my injuries. I don’t know what Joel told them. They probably think I was in some bar fight or something…
At least Chet and the other guy are attempting to appear friendly ; his Spanish friend is blatantly glaring at me. I try to stay collected anyways. If these guys are going to be my new mates, I have to at least make an effort to be nice.
“Benji, these are my awesome friends!” Joel points to them in sequence, “Chet, Erik and André. Guys, this is Benji.” At least somebody’s excited.
‘Hi,” I wave to them sincerely. Nothing. I shuffle awkwardly.
Joel looks around at all of his buddies, encouraging them.
“Sorry. Hi, nice to meet you,’ Chet says.
“Yeah, Ditto dude.” Erik agrees.
Andre says nothing. Then after a few moments:
“So you’re a homo too?”
I see Joel’s, actually everyone’s, eyes go wide.
I guess he did tell them. Whatever, I don’t mind. “Yep, I am a homo too.”
Andre narrows his eyes accusingly at me. “Then why do you, or did you, hang out with that stupid cabron Silas?”
Oh. That’s why he hates me. Silas has been a dick to Joel, so he obviously thinks I’m going to treat him in the same manner. I guess I have some explaining to do.
“Honestly? It’s because I didn’t fit in anywhere else. His group only accepted me because we dressed the same, and because we had similar tastes in music. But I don’t agree with their actions at all. I know it’s probably hard to believe for you guys that I do hate him. He’s an asshole. I know I shouldn’t have just stood by when he was being a bully to other people, but fuck, I’m scared as shit of him too. I don’t know what Joel’s told you, but he found out I was gay and roughed me up. Now that it’s over, I don’t see the point in hiding still. So yeah. I was just clinging on to them so I wouldn’t be alone. Pathetic, I know. But you gotta have someone you can hang with right?”
I stop and see that they are taking me into consideration. Chet’s nodding, and Erik has a puzzled expression. Andre is still giving me snake eyes.
“Makes sense,” Chet finally says.
“Yeah. Fuck that dude should be put into a mental home. Well at least you don’t have to chill with him anymore man.” Erik adds.
My eyes light up. Does that mean? Does this mean what I think it means?
“See I told you they’d like you.” Joel smiles.
“You guys really are cool if I hang around? I mean, I really like this boy.” Joel bares his teeth in a grin at them in some sort of triumphant gesture, and I go red. “But, I don’t want to just take him away from you. I want to chill with you guys, I want to get to know you. Then we can all be happy and everything else good...”
“Yeah man, for sure.” Chet nods at me.
“Totally. Dude, I’m sorry we were being jerks just now. I just - I dunno. You are way different than I expected. Way nicer.” Erik tells me.
Everyone looks at Andre, who huffs and crosses his arms.
“As long as you’re not playing him,” He jerks his head at Joel. “Then you can stay.”
Joel glares at Andre, but before he can mouth off at him, I intervene
“Don’t worry. I’m not. I’m not like that. This is serious to me.”
“Let’s just keep it that way.” He says back at me.
Oh man, the protective older brother type. It’s going to take some more action to win this one over.
The warning bell sounds and we all shuffle to class. As we walk, Joel subtly grabs at my fingers, unsure. I’m aware that I’m being watched like a hawk, and not just by Andre... I’d rather wait until after I make my announcement to act all coupley, but I know what a horrible impression I’d make…so I grasp his hand firmly. Joel smiles at me and swings our laced arms. I beam back. All this flack I might have to go through is so worth it just to see him happy and smiling.
My smile fades however, as we enter the alcove where Music is. Silas is sitting on the bench right beside the door. I feel Joel tense up in anger beside me.
I hate him. I hate him. It’s not just that I’m terrified that he’ll hurt me or Joel, it’s the fact that he is getting away with cutting me up. It’s the fact that he makes me feel violent. Because I managed to knock him down after he laid down a few punches. And I didn’t stop. I started to kick him until I realized I was victimizing him, instead of the other way around. I hate hurting people.
Determined, I drag Joel towards the classroom, totally ignoring Silas.
“Hey faggots, I see you still managed to hitch up. You are desperate aren’t you, Joel? Clinging onto this hack so he can drill you then leave. You know I was just lookin’ out for ya when I stabbed this fuck.” He snarls at us.
I stop and drop Joel’s hands to clench my fists; tempted to turn around and deck him. But I feel a hand on my back, pushing me forwards. I look back and it’s Chet with a face that reads: ‘It’s not worth it, just ignore him.’ I unclench my knuckles.
I continue into the class, the bell ringing as we all get inside.
“Thanks,” I say to Chet.
“No problem. I know how you feel. I’d wanna pummel him too, but if you fought him, in his mind you’d just be justifying what he said, and I don’t think what he said was the truth at all.” This kid is bright.
“Yeah. You’re right.”
“I really want to knock his brains out.” We both look at Joel, whose furious.
I rub his arm in a comforting way.
“Whoa, guys. What’s with a bunch of you coming in late? Sit down boys!” Mr. Freeman says as he walks to the centre of the class.
“Mr. Freeman, can I just quickly make an announcement?” I ask seizing the opportunity.
“Uh, sure Benji. Go for it.” I get curious gazes as I take the teacher’s place in the middle of the room.
“Okay. Here it goes……Everybody,” I falter as I see anticipated faces. But, I can’t stop now. “I’m gay.”
Stunned silence. It’s awful. Mr. Freeman doesn’t know what to say.
A few of the metalheads are in total shock. I’ve played with a couple of them, and I guess judging by their reaction, I won’t be anymore…
Even my old ‘friends’ are in shaken up. I guess Silas wanted to save all my humiliation for today
But then Cindy, a very blonde pianist twits: “Omigod! You & Joel should go out. You’d look so cute together!”
This breaks the tension, and I hear a few laughs. I decide to grab the bull by the horns. Carpe Diem.
“Actually,” I go over to Joel who’s shyly sitting on a chair in the front, and pull him off of it. I put our joint hands up in the air.
“We are.”
Cindy makes an “Aww’ sound and a few other girls whisper “That’s so ce-uuuute”
Joel & I blush in unison for a couple of seconds
Freeman claps his hands. “Soooo… is that all?”
“Yep, that’s it.” I go and sit down, and Joel follows beside me.
That’s it. That’s it!
That was so easy. Maybe I lost a few acquaintances, but if they’re gonna judge me based on my sexuality, then do I even want to know them? God, I should’ve done this so long ago!
As the lesson starts, and I bend over to take out my guitar, I feel hot breath against my ear.
“That was so amazing Benji. You’re the best.”
So worth it.
*****************
I’ve been in a blissed out state all day. Benji not only came out, he told everybody about us, which lets me know he really is serious. Andre & Silas’ comments had been swirling around my head, making me doubt Benji, even though I know he didn’t lie to me. Fuck, I’m so happy.
He even told me he really likes Chet & Erik at lunch after he had chatted with them; he said they were really chill and nice to have just let him in the group. He didn’t say anything about Andre, but Andre’s been a dick all day…
Class just ended and Chet & Erik are arguing over what to do by my car. I light up a cigarette and inhale deeply. I’m just waiting for Benji…
“Man, tomorrow’s Victoria Day right? We get it off! We should party tonight at my house.”
“Nah! We should hit up Endhits and see if there’s a show.”
“There aren’t any good bands playing in the middle of the week! Come on! If we go to my house than we can get crunk!”
Chet falters, clearly enticed by the idea.
“Welllll……oh, fine! Let’s get trashed.”
I shake my head. “Oh, you alchies. Although, I concur.”
“Ha ha. Good. Hey, um, does Benji wanna come?” Erik asks.
“I don’t know…I don’t even know if he drinks…”
“Kay… well he can come anyway, he doesn’t have to consume my alcohol. I only have like, two 40 ounces.” Oh, Erik. “You coming Dre?” He looks at Andre already sitting in the front seat.
“Yeah, I guess.” Sigh. I wish he would stop being so miserable. I don’t want him to be like that. I can’t understand why he dislikes Benji so much…
Speak of the devil, here he comes.
“Hey guys,” he says to all of us, but he’s looking directly at me. When he steps up to the car, which I’m leaning against, he grabs the cigarette out of my hand and flicks it away pecking me once softly. Then he wraps his arms around my neck.
I smile and drape mine around his waist, not even bothered that I only got one drag.
“So Benji dude,” Erik says ignoring the PDA, “Wanna come to my house and chill tonight?”
“Yeah! Sounds good man. But what about school?”
“That’s the brill part. We get a holiday in Canada called Victoria Day. I guess it’s like the Flag Day equivalent for the US.”
“Oh sweet.”
I’m so glad that everything isn’t awkward for the most part. I can already tell that Erik has accepted Benji because he never directly will talk to someone if he doesn’t like them. Andre? …Well hopefully he’ll come around, he usually does. And Chet: he’s always been a friendly guy. Gahhhh, today is just the best day.
I let go of Benji and dive into the driver’s seat. He looks at Andre in the front, pouts a bit, then shrugs it off and takes a seat in the back next to Chet.
“So, uh. We were going to drink tonight, but I don’t know if you like too…?” Erik directs his question at Benji.
“Yeah man, I’m down. Uh, did you want me to buy some? I don’t mind.” In the rear-view mirror I see Chet look at him funny.
“What do you mean?” Erik asks. I grin excitedly for his reaction.
“I’m 19. Isn’t that the legal age here?” I can see everyone’s jaw drop and I laugh.
“NO! No way dude! That’s AWESOME! YES. PLEASE. Joel, stop at the Beer Store, we gonna stock up!” Benji laughs at the enthusiasm, and I giggle along.
“Damn man, with you around the summer’s going to be sick! Nice pick Joel.” Chet adds. I smile with pride. He props Benji’s knuckle, and Erik gives him a Hi-5.
I pull up to the Beer Store that’s about 3 blocks from Erik’s house. Benji gets out.
“Umm, I only got like $16, so I can probably get a 12 pack or something. Are any of you pitching…? I can share for today, I don’t mind…”
“Well, I got two 40’s at home…I can share those.” Erik replies.
“I’m kind of broke. All my money’s in the bank…” Chet says sheepishly.
“Me too, to be honest,” I say. Why did I spend all my money on shoes??
He looks hesitantly at Andre, who rolls his eyes.
“Here, I got a 20. Get a 24 and a 6 pack of Corona.” He hands Benji a crumpled bill from his pocket.
“Thanks…” He goes inside the store.
“Andre, why are you being such a fucktard?” Chet blurts out.
Andre turns to glare at him.“You both are acting like morons. We barely know this guy and you act like he’s your best friend just because he can buy you booze! Yeah he’s nice, but everyone always is when you first meet them. I don’t trust him. That’s just the way it is.”
I sink into my seat, deflated. He doesn’t trust him? I don’t want to start an argument. I’ll deal with Dre later, when we can talk privately. I’m sure he has a legit reason to believe that……
Benji comes back out with the Corona. I pop the trunk for him, and when he slams it shut he walks over to Andre.
“Here, there was change left over.” He hands him well over $7 in change. Andre takes it almost shamed-faced and mumbles a thank you.
“Let’s GO!” Erick shouts fidgety. I laugh and pull out, now really excited to have a party.
I smile. I cannot wait to see Benji hammered.
**********************
Yes. You do get to see Benji hammered:) I was svaing the party for a longer chapter availability :P