Failed Attempts
I'm really on a roll with this fic. I guess cause i've never done it before & i'm excited. Plus, it's march break, althought it's over tomorrow :/. Anyways, enjoy!
Title: Scene Change - Failed Attempt
Rating: PG - again nothing yet, sorry
Summary: First impressions matter.
Dislaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: this is for the sleep deprived internet community. Just cause i said so.
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love
"So man, you comin to jam tonight?" Chet Turns to me.
"For sure bro!”
“Can you drive us all to my house, with that sweet ride of yours?” he smiles at me.
“Ohhh well, I guess,” I smile at him. Of course I will!
It’s only been a week and I’m the unofficial driver for my group, and I’m lovin it. Any chance I can get to flaunt my baby.
“Yes man! Tonight’s gonna be sweet,” Erik shouts.
Only one more day to go, then the fuckin weekend! Can’t wait.
We are in the midst of walking to Advanced Music: best class of my life. It’s honestly the sole reason I can tolerate going to class everyday.
“Hey Joel, you seen Andre?”
“No Chet, I haven’t seen him since-”
“SUP MUTHAFUCKAS!” We all whip around and all I see is Andre in my face before he jumps on me. Then pins me to the ground. Fuck.
I love this man, he’s been my best bud since back in the days of preschool, but the dude is a TANK. Weighs probably the same amount as a baby killer whale.
“Fuck Andre! Get your fat Latino ass off my back!” He looks down at me with a mock shocked expression. I can’t help but giggle.
“Oh Joel. Tu sabe que usted tiene gusto de esta posición y que quiere tener sexo conmigo ahora en el piso.”
“Dude you know I’m a failure at foreign languages! Come on were gonna be late for class” He starts pumping up and down into my back. I groan. Not because I’m enjoying it, but because he weighs a ton.
“Oh J, I knew you loved me like that deep down inside,” He laughs.
Ring Ring Ring. Our school bell system is the most annoying thing existing on planet earth.
“Okay queers, let’s go now, that’s the warning bell,” Chet rolls his eyes.
We dick around like this on a daily basis. Surely, he can’t be tired of our comical antics?
“Fine, spoil my fun and games,” Andre says dramatically while putting his hand to his forehead. Then he gets off and helps me to my feet. Now we wander the halls to get to our destination: Room 57 in the alcove.
“You sure you aren’t gay, Andre, cause that felt pretty nice, “ I joke.
He pushes me playfully, and I smile.
“Is that a yes?”
“No, amigo. And even if I was hombre, you been my boy for so long I couldn’t ruin the friendship. Besides, I got my sights on Courtney Henison.”
“Dayum, that girl is fine,” Chet drools.
“She’s hot, but she’s a hoe,” Erik inputs.
“No she ain’t! Dumb ass guys just use her is all. Poor chica. Joel, you agree with me. She’s smoking right?” Andre looks at me for backup.
“Umm, well - uh.” They all turn to face me, and I feel myself flush.
“I’ve been thinking about, ummm my uh preferences. And-” They stop and stare at me curiously.
Just say it! You know once you get it off your chest you’ll finally be able to sleep peacefully. Dammit brain! Why do you have to be so logical all the time!? Because that’s what your mind is for. It’s the whole purpose of having a brain, Joel. Shut up, I knew that.
Okay I really should see a therapist if these brain fights continue.
Here it goes: “Guys, I think I might be gay. Like, gay gay. I’m finding myself attracted to guys, girls just don’t turn me on anymore. So, what I’m trying to say is…I like boys. Only.”
Comprehesion sweeps over their faces. Then, nobody says anything. Awkward silences are never a good thing.
Feeling a little hurt, unsure of what else I can do, I start to move again. I hear them start to saunter behind me, but I walk alone.
We get into the classroom, just as the final bell sounds. The layout of this room is kind of like a theatre. There’s the front of the room with a mini stage & teaching area. Then the seating area has 5 levels with those plastic chairs lining them. The only seats left are at the top left corner on the last 2 rows. I take my seat at the very top, while my boys go to the level below me. They avoid my eyes. Actually they avoid acknowledging me altogether.
“Hey guys!” The music teacher, Mr. Freeman, and awesomest adult alive greets us.
He begins to talk about Metal bands of the eighties - he goes off on a tangent about 58 times a class - while I get lost in my own thoughts.
Why did I tell them? I thought maybe they’d understand straight away. Well they understand straight, but I guess since none of them like boys, they wouldn’t know how it feels to think gay. I just thought we were tighter than that, you know? I don’t even know if it is an issue, but, they would have reassured me that it was fine with them if it really was fine. They wouldn’t just stand there expressionless. Sigh.
“….Iron Maiden, they were a kick ass band! I remember back in 83’ I saw them on their Number of the Beast tour for only-“
Knock Knock Knock
“Wonder who that could be?”
Everyone watches as Mr. F marches to the door. He opens it and asks the person what they want. But he doesn’t move, blocking the view of everyone. All you can hear are hushed voices.
After a minute he comes back in - followed by a guy. A very good looking guy.
He has a faux hawk - like me, yeah! - but it’s a lot taller than mine, and the sides are more shaved. He’s wearing - shut up I’m gay now, I notice clothing - beat up converse, plaid pants with the zipper things, and a black beater. He’s also multiply pierced. Labret ring, ears, and nose ring. God, Punk boys are fuckin hot.
“People, this is Benjamin Combs. He’s joining the class, so as per usual when we get a newcomer, treat him nicely, and don’t bite.”
But I really want to.
Benjamin doesn’t know where to look or what to do with himself. He’s so adorable.
“Well you can just go sit up there in the back, Benjamin. Do people call you Benjamin? Oh, and what instrument do you play, cause you’ll need it tomorrow, and for the rest of the year.”
Ohmygod. He’s gonna sit beside me. Holy shit. Holy fuck noodles.
Wait, what does he play?
“Uh,” he starts. “You can call me Benji if you want to, and guitar.”
What a hot voice. It’s all smooth. As velvet. Or whatever.
He sits down, and I’m trying to discreetly look at him. Discreetly.
Up close he looks sort of rough.
Like, not tough - although hot damn he’s got some muscles - but kind of dirty. He looks like he hasn’t had a shower for a day or two, and he’s got some circles under his eyes.
And I’m finding I don’t give a fuck.
He’s still sexy as hell.
Now all I have to do is talk to him.
“Uh Benji,” he shifts in his seat to gaze at me. “Hi, I’m Joel. Uh welcome to the school.”
“….” He turns away from me, looking unimpressed.
Ouch.
-----------------------------------------
What a great first impression I make.
Some nice guy named Joel tries to be friendly, and all I can muster is an unenthusiastic nothing. Wow, riveting.
I turn to look at him, and he looks defeated for some reason.
God, is he one of those over sensitive people who go & cry in their basement when someone doesn’t return a smile? Actually if that’s the case, then it’s probably a good thing I made a bad first impression.….
This teacher is on crack. Although his musical knowledge amuses me, he keeps trailing off onto random subjects. I actually like to learn. Sigh. I wish I had my guitar. I would have brought it so I could play it during lunch, but I didn’t know what classes I had.......
I shift my thoughts to my dad.
God, what an insane couple of days. I‘m so glad that I can actually have a normal life without fear, but the news that my mom lied to me for so many years is still fresh in my mind. At least I got settled in and applied for a job. I’m really going to need one especially this summer, so I can save, save, save to move out.
Anyways, what time is it - 9:15. When does this class end anyways?
Ring Ring Ring.
I guess now.
The day goes by in an obscure blur. I sit through the rest of my classes, uninterested and alone. Math, Biology, and English.
Lunchtime I go outside and sit on a wall. The only remotely interesting thing that happens is a purple mohawked guy comes up and comments on my fashion choices.
“Your pants are rad, man. You make them?”
“No, I got them at Salvation Army. About 2 years ago.”
“That’s ill. I’m Joe by the way.” He holds his hand out.
“Benji.” I shake it.“Cool to meet ya man.” He smiles at me.
He’s kinda cute. And he’s wearing a Clash shirt, so that’s a good sign, right?
“Oh there’s my girlfriend Janie! I gotta go. See you around dude!”
“You to.” Sigh.
Of course he has a girlfriend. Of course he’s not gay.
The good ones always aren’t.
Oh but Benji, they ARE
Title: Scene Change - Failed Attempt
Rating: PG - again nothing yet, sorry
Summary: First impressions matter.
Dislaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: this is for the sleep deprived internet community. Just cause i said so.
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love
"So man, you comin to jam tonight?" Chet Turns to me.
"For sure bro!”
“Can you drive us all to my house, with that sweet ride of yours?” he smiles at me.
“Ohhh well, I guess,” I smile at him. Of course I will!
It’s only been a week and I’m the unofficial driver for my group, and I’m lovin it. Any chance I can get to flaunt my baby.
“Yes man! Tonight’s gonna be sweet,” Erik shouts.
Only one more day to go, then the fuckin weekend! Can’t wait.
We are in the midst of walking to Advanced Music: best class of my life. It’s honestly the sole reason I can tolerate going to class everyday.
“Hey Joel, you seen Andre?”
“No Chet, I haven’t seen him since-”
“SUP MUTHAFUCKAS!” We all whip around and all I see is Andre in my face before he jumps on me. Then pins me to the ground. Fuck.
I love this man, he’s been my best bud since back in the days of preschool, but the dude is a TANK. Weighs probably the same amount as a baby killer whale.
“Fuck Andre! Get your fat Latino ass off my back!” He looks down at me with a mock shocked expression. I can’t help but giggle.
“Oh Joel. Tu sabe que usted tiene gusto de esta posición y que quiere tener sexo conmigo ahora en el piso.”
“Dude you know I’m a failure at foreign languages! Come on were gonna be late for class” He starts pumping up and down into my back. I groan. Not because I’m enjoying it, but because he weighs a ton.
“Oh J, I knew you loved me like that deep down inside,” He laughs.
Ring Ring Ring. Our school bell system is the most annoying thing existing on planet earth.
“Okay queers, let’s go now, that’s the warning bell,” Chet rolls his eyes.
We dick around like this on a daily basis. Surely, he can’t be tired of our comical antics?
“Fine, spoil my fun and games,” Andre says dramatically while putting his hand to his forehead. Then he gets off and helps me to my feet. Now we wander the halls to get to our destination: Room 57 in the alcove.
“You sure you aren’t gay, Andre, cause that felt pretty nice, “ I joke.
He pushes me playfully, and I smile.
“Is that a yes?”
“No, amigo. And even if I was hombre, you been my boy for so long I couldn’t ruin the friendship. Besides, I got my sights on Courtney Henison.”
“Dayum, that girl is fine,” Chet drools.
“She’s hot, but she’s a hoe,” Erik inputs.
“No she ain’t! Dumb ass guys just use her is all. Poor chica. Joel, you agree with me. She’s smoking right?” Andre looks at me for backup.
“Umm, well - uh.” They all turn to face me, and I feel myself flush.
“I’ve been thinking about, ummm my uh preferences. And-” They stop and stare at me curiously.
Just say it! You know once you get it off your chest you’ll finally be able to sleep peacefully. Dammit brain! Why do you have to be so logical all the time!? Because that’s what your mind is for. It’s the whole purpose of having a brain, Joel. Shut up, I knew that.
Okay I really should see a therapist if these brain fights continue.
Here it goes: “Guys, I think I might be gay. Like, gay gay. I’m finding myself attracted to guys, girls just don’t turn me on anymore. So, what I’m trying to say is…I like boys. Only.”
Comprehesion sweeps over their faces. Then, nobody says anything. Awkward silences are never a good thing.
Feeling a little hurt, unsure of what else I can do, I start to move again. I hear them start to saunter behind me, but I walk alone.
We get into the classroom, just as the final bell sounds. The layout of this room is kind of like a theatre. There’s the front of the room with a mini stage & teaching area. Then the seating area has 5 levels with those plastic chairs lining them. The only seats left are at the top left corner on the last 2 rows. I take my seat at the very top, while my boys go to the level below me. They avoid my eyes. Actually they avoid acknowledging me altogether.
“Hey guys!” The music teacher, Mr. Freeman, and awesomest adult alive greets us.
He begins to talk about Metal bands of the eighties - he goes off on a tangent about 58 times a class - while I get lost in my own thoughts.
Why did I tell them? I thought maybe they’d understand straight away. Well they understand straight, but I guess since none of them like boys, they wouldn’t know how it feels to think gay. I just thought we were tighter than that, you know? I don’t even know if it is an issue, but, they would have reassured me that it was fine with them if it really was fine. They wouldn’t just stand there expressionless. Sigh.
“….Iron Maiden, they were a kick ass band! I remember back in 83’ I saw them on their Number of the Beast tour for only-“
Knock Knock Knock
“Wonder who that could be?”
Everyone watches as Mr. F marches to the door. He opens it and asks the person what they want. But he doesn’t move, blocking the view of everyone. All you can hear are hushed voices.
After a minute he comes back in - followed by a guy. A very good looking guy.
He has a faux hawk - like me, yeah! - but it’s a lot taller than mine, and the sides are more shaved. He’s wearing - shut up I’m gay now, I notice clothing - beat up converse, plaid pants with the zipper things, and a black beater. He’s also multiply pierced. Labret ring, ears, and nose ring. God, Punk boys are fuckin hot.
“People, this is Benjamin Combs. He’s joining the class, so as per usual when we get a newcomer, treat him nicely, and don’t bite.”
But I really want to.
Benjamin doesn’t know where to look or what to do with himself. He’s so adorable.
“Well you can just go sit up there in the back, Benjamin. Do people call you Benjamin? Oh, and what instrument do you play, cause you’ll need it tomorrow, and for the rest of the year.”
Ohmygod. He’s gonna sit beside me. Holy shit. Holy fuck noodles.
Wait, what does he play?
“Uh,” he starts. “You can call me Benji if you want to, and guitar.”
What a hot voice. It’s all smooth. As velvet. Or whatever.
He sits down, and I’m trying to discreetly look at him. Discreetly.
Up close he looks sort of rough.
Like, not tough - although hot damn he’s got some muscles - but kind of dirty. He looks like he hasn’t had a shower for a day or two, and he’s got some circles under his eyes.
And I’m finding I don’t give a fuck.
He’s still sexy as hell.
Now all I have to do is talk to him.
“Uh Benji,” he shifts in his seat to gaze at me. “Hi, I’m Joel. Uh welcome to the school.”
“….” He turns away from me, looking unimpressed.
Ouch.
-----------------------------------------
What a great first impression I make.
Some nice guy named Joel tries to be friendly, and all I can muster is an unenthusiastic nothing. Wow, riveting.
I turn to look at him, and he looks defeated for some reason.
God, is he one of those over sensitive people who go & cry in their basement when someone doesn’t return a smile? Actually if that’s the case, then it’s probably a good thing I made a bad first impression.….
This teacher is on crack. Although his musical knowledge amuses me, he keeps trailing off onto random subjects. I actually like to learn. Sigh. I wish I had my guitar. I would have brought it so I could play it during lunch, but I didn’t know what classes I had.......
I shift my thoughts to my dad.
God, what an insane couple of days. I‘m so glad that I can actually have a normal life without fear, but the news that my mom lied to me for so many years is still fresh in my mind. At least I got settled in and applied for a job. I’m really going to need one especially this summer, so I can save, save, save to move out.
Anyways, what time is it - 9:15. When does this class end anyways?
Ring Ring Ring.
I guess now.
The day goes by in an obscure blur. I sit through the rest of my classes, uninterested and alone. Math, Biology, and English.
Lunchtime I go outside and sit on a wall. The only remotely interesting thing that happens is a purple mohawked guy comes up and comments on my fashion choices.
“Your pants are rad, man. You make them?”
“No, I got them at Salvation Army. About 2 years ago.”
“That’s ill. I’m Joe by the way.” He holds his hand out.
“Benji.” I shake it.“Cool to meet ya man.” He smiles at me.
He’s kinda cute. And he’s wearing a Clash shirt, so that’s a good sign, right?
“Oh there’s my girlfriend Janie! I gotta go. See you around dude!”
“You to.” Sigh.
Of course he has a girlfriend. Of course he’s not gay.
The good ones always aren’t.
Oh but Benji, they ARE