Another 2 Part Chapter
The Second Installment To This Chapter. Enjoy <3
Title: Stab Wound Healer - Part 2
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Benji has a tough decision to make.
Disclaimer: This happened - but only in my mind.
Notes: For anyone who reads it. I hope that you like it. :)
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 ,
Part 1 ----> (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1)
My hands tremble as I open the door to the café. I search for him as I get inside, but no trace. No trace yet. I just hope he shows up.
I walk over to the counter and the owner, Stila, greets me with her always sunshiny smile.
“Benji! Hi! How are you? The usual?”
I nod. “Hey Stila. I’m..I could be better.”
“Wanna talk about it sweets?” She asks leaning over the counter.
“Um, I’d really rather not. Sorry. I’m meeting someone anyways….I think”
“Well ok, Benji,” she pinches my cheek. “Here’s your green tea, hon. On the house.”
I smile thankfully, and walk over to a secluded booth in the back. The nice thing about small coffee shops, is that they offer privacy because there’s not much business or space.
After about 10 minutes of stirring my tea anxiously, I finally see Joel through the picture window, coming into the shop…
I gasp for breath when the ting of the bell on the door sounds and he walks inside. Not even bothering to go see Stila, he searches the room & meets my eye. I clatter my spoon nervously as he stalks over to the table, never breaking focus with his severe gaze. As he slides into the booth, I notice he looks tired and not as groomed as he normally does.
It makes my stomach get into knots, because I know it’s my fault.
“Hi.” He says.
Not nicely, not meanly: emotionless.
That’s almost worse than sounding angry.
“Hey Joel,” I breathe.
Nobody says anything for a moment.
“So. Benji.” He inhales, building up his nerve. “Why did you kiss me? And then leave.” He exhales.
“I - I.” I stutter.
What can I tell him?
“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” I ask with pleading eyes.
He scrunches his perfect features. I don’t like it. I don’t like it when they look upset and offended.
“No. Of course not. Who do you think I am? You think I’d use that as some sick kind of revenge and-”
“No! No. I’m sorry -I. I just have never let anyone know. Ever.”
“I know how that feels…”
“Look. Joel. What I did, it, I wasn’t thinking.” His face falls.
“And I -” I can’t lie to him. “ Look. You are someone that I’d love to get to know. To get closer to. Really & truly. I find, even right now, that I’m so attracted to everything about you. And I really, really enjoyed the kiss; I’m not going to lie. But- this. This can’t go anywhere. Like, it just won’t work. I won’t be able to, and won’t want to, hide our relationship from everyone.”
“Th-then, then don’t! Come out! Fuck, I did it!”
He practically shouts at me, and I feel horrible.
“You don’t understand. My boss, my dad, fuck - Silas! They would never - they’d. I’d lose my job, my family, and get beat up by the biggest asshole that ever lived!”
He looks at me seriously, his eyebrows arched low.
“What are you talking about? No. That’s wrong. It’s so wrong. The best thing I ever did was come out Benji Combs. I finally feel like I can be myself without having to fear everyone else, without trying to act how I think I should. Sure, not everybody is going to understand, but that’s life. That’s the breaks. You can’t hide it forever; because soon, it’ll eat you up inside till there’s nothing left.”
For a moment I stare at him, utterly suprprised at his attitude. I don’t like this side of him. Brutally honest: not happy. I don’t like it because he’s right. So right. And because I’ve made him upset.
“Joel. I. I’m not ready. I-I can’t.”
“Please,” He almost is begging me. “Please!” He grabs my hand, and won’t let go.
“Benji - fuck. We barely know each other. That’s a fact. But, when you were up there totally letting loose & being yourself in my room, I see a side of you I want. I've thought you were so - hot, ever since you came here! I didn't apporach you because you hang out with Silas, and because I had no idea you were gay. But I - I want you Benji. I want you so bad.”
Fuck. I look into my tea, and try to form words. What can I even tell him…
“I can’t” I whisper, breaking his heart.
Coward. Coward Coward Coward!
I slowly gaze up at Joel, and I can see the hurt printed on his face. He’s still grasping my hand.
“You can’t? Or you don’t want to. Benji, if you’re worried about Silas, who cares? Come hang out with my friends. You’ll be fine. Just - please don’t tell me that. Please…”
“I’m sorry.” He lets go of my hand, and stands up.
“Well - well.” He looks near to tears. “If you can’t even try to make an effort, then you - you must not. You mustn’t really… Fuck you Benjamin.”
He wipes his eyes as he leaves, and I just drop my head in my hands.
10 minutes later I feel somebody patting me on the head. Stila.
“Now Benji, what are you crying for.”
“I-I-I. I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t!”
“Look Benji. I know I don’t come off as a serious person, but. Come on. I think we both know what you have to do to win him back.”
I jerk my head and look at her puzzled.
“Don’t give me that look. I know and hear everything, remember?” She smiles, but I’m afraid of what she’ll say next.
“ Now, this boy clearly has feelings for you. And I know that you like him too. Sometimes fear takes over our lives hon, but you got to be stronger than that. You have to weigh the options on the scale and decide. Which is better? A chance at a great relationship with some criticism and hardships along the way? Or hiding in fear because of a few people that intimidate you. You know in the back of your mind that you will have to eventually tell everybody about your sexuality. Are you going to lose the opportunity of getting to know a boy who you could've had, because you can't face the fact that you are gay? You aren't the first to come out of the closet, you know what the outcome and risks are. So are you just going to put it off? Your family will understand, they always do in the end. And if someone picks on you at school, hey you’re not alone, and it’s only for a couple more weeks anyways. The decision seems pretty clear to me.”
She finishes so what she just told me can sink in. And it does sink in.
She sees the comprehension seep over my face.
“Ah, the lightbulb is burning now. Oh sweetie, what are you still doing here? Go get him!”
What am I doing here? She’s right. She’s SO right.
It’s time I face reality. Time to grow up, and stop denying who I really am.
If I can’t have him, even for a little while, I’ll be miserable and regret this for this rest of my life. I know what I have to do.
I get up and start to sprint, but stop and retreat to give Stila a huge loving hug.
“Thank you. Thank you SO much.”
“Don’t thank me! Go! GO!” Her laughter echoes as I run out the entrance.
My lungs are bursting as I find myself 3 blocks away from Joel’s house. I slow down to catch my breath - and then I hear it.
The snarling laugh that only comes from one person I know. Through an alleyway, out pops out Silas, a dude named Devon, and 2 guys I’ve never seen before.
“Oh look Dev! It’s Benji.” Something’s not right. His smile is too wide; and too menacing. Plus, he greeted me very sarcastically…
“Umm, Hey Silas. I can’t talk right now I gotta go and meet someone very-“
“Oh, I know who you’re going to meet Benji.” I stop dead in my tracks.
“I gotta admit Benji, you had me fooled. If Dev hadn’t seen you holding hands with that faggot queer in that little coffee house, we’d probably never know.”
My breathing decides to quit at this moment.
“I - *gasp* - I”
“No excuses buddy. Real friends don’t keep precious secrets like that from each other.”
The 2 unknown hooligans snicker. He walks towards me, and put his arm around me. My legs won’t move.
“Do you know how we repay lying FAGGOTS!?” He screams at me, and I go pale.
The other 3 surround me, and I’m trapped.
“No?” He teases me. “Well let me show you.”
The next thing I feel is something sharp enter my flesh, and I know that I’m in for hell.
*******************************
Food. I Need Fooooooood.
Anything to take my mind off what just happened.
I grab a huge tub of ice cream and stuff my face, just sitting in my torn up kitchen. My mom is away for tonight, and probably won’t come home until tomorrow afternoon.
My cheeks are still hot and tear-stained. I promised myself not to get my hopes up too high, and not to cry. But I guess I broke those didn’t I?
I just can’t understand him. He seems so much tougher than me, yet he’s so ashamed to admit he’s gay. It made me so ANGRY.
We can’t be together, hell I’d even settle for a date, because he won’t face who he really is. The worst part is knowing that he is gay. That I could’ve had a chance, that I had a chance…
FUCK. Why can’t he just do it!? I’d help him out! If all he’s worried about is that psyco nut job then -
*Tap Tap Tap*
What the hell? I’m not expecting anyone…
Did Mom come home early? Maybe she got her shift moved.
Oh god, Did she forget her keys again?
I’m going to honestly have to nail a chain to that women and-
I swing the door open and see a sight that makes my stomach churn.
Benji.
I’m about to tell him to get the hell away from me, but then I notice the blood. I notice a lot of blood.
My heart drops into my stomach.
“Joel -I. I know that you don’t want to speak to me, but I. I didn’t know where to go, and you were close and I-” He buckles and I lunge to catch him.
“Benji, Benji, Benji. What have you done? Come on, let’s get you clean.” I try to soothe my voice to calm him, but my insides are screaming. I’ve never been so scared in my life.
I drag him upstairs and into the bathroom connected to my room. I lay him down in the bathtub and tell him I just need to get a first aid kit. I run the fastest I ever have to retrieve the kit, then fly back into the bathroom.
Leaning over him in the tub, I examine him closely, and my face falls: Bruised knuckles, A black-eye, A bloody nose, contrusions on various parts of his neck and a huge gash in his lower abdomen.
“Jesus, Benji. What the hell happened?” I await my reply as I begin to clean and anti-septic-ify everything.
“Silas. He beat me up.” I stiffen in fury and outrage. That fucker.
Finishing off his face, I lift up his shirt to take a closer look at his cut. It’s revolting. It’s not that the cut itself is really deep, it’s the fact that it drags horizontally all the way across his body. Only a real deuche bag would do that.
I need more answers.
“But why would he do that to you? I though you hung out with him.” I await my reply as I wash the cut & put a long strip of gauze on it.
“His friend. He saw us in the café. When you were holding my hand. Silas figured out I was gay, and he & 3 of his buddies beat me up for lying.”
Guilt races through me. It’s because I held his hand. All my fault. Why did I do that!? Stupid Joel. Stupid!
He must see my expression because he quickly tries to console me.
“No, no, no, no, no. It’s not your fault at all Joel. Don’t blame yourself. If I hadn’t been such a complete idiot, then we’d all be happy.”
“What…?” He stops me and grabs both my upper arms. He looks intensely at me.
“Joel. You’re so great. I’m such a fool for not letting my real emotions out. I shouldn’t be hiding from anyone because, cause, I want you. I do. I want you. I jus - I just don’t know how I can - I can ever-”
The next thing I know I’m being pulled in, with Benji’s warm lips on mine, begging for me to respond.
He grabs my lower back with one hand, and strangles my hair with the other, and I’m so turned on I don’t know what to do. I bend my knees between his spread out legs and grasp both sides of the porcelain tub: I want to feel him, but I can’t risk putting any weight on him to hurt him.
By now I’m teasing his lips open, wanting to explore the inside of his mouth with my tongue. He obliges. It’s the best kiss anyone could ever want. Ever. The pent up lust that was trapped inside is releasing through me passionately into Benji.
I feel strangely calm. Even though Benji’s being really rough - which don’t get me wrong I like, but I don’t want him to overexert himself - I feel at peace for the first time in the past few weeks.
Because everything’s going to be alright. It’s going to be better than alright. He wants me. He really wants me. I don’t even care anymore if he comes out, as long as I get to be with him this way.
Benji pulls on the fabric of my shirt, and slides his hands to my hips, slowly swirling his thumbs around the sharp V of my pelvis. It feels amazing.
Then he dips his hands lower, around the hem of my boxers.
Fuck. Okay. I need to touch him - now. I want to feel his skin on my fingertips; I want to run my hands through his hair.
I wrench away from Benji, and he gives me a sad look of confusion.
Without saying anything, I hurriedly grab under his arms and pull him into a sitting position, forcing me backward and making his knees bend. Then I carefully wrap my arms around his back & start up the make-out session again.
I feel him smile in relief on my lips, and I can’t help but smile too.
We both laugh, and then he pulls us apart and rests his head against my shoulder. I squeeze him in embrace to support his weight. I feel his arms cover the small of my back.
After a few minutes of silent hugging, he starts to peck my neck, and I can’t help but let out a groan.
“Mmm, Joel. You’re such a great kisser, you know that?” He nuzzles me, and I blush.
“Uh, th-thanks. You are more than satisfactory yourself.”
Beaming at me, he kisses my lips just once.
I have to reveal my secret:
“T-to be honest, I’ve never actually, um, kissed anyone before you.” I go redder.
“Seriously?!" He asks in suprise. Well you rock.”
I’m probably scarlet now.
I look away to hide my embarrassment.
“Fuck Joel, you’re so adorable,” he tries to get me to face him, but I bat him away giggling.
“No! You mustn’t see The Face of Embarassment!” I yell.
He starts to laugh then: “Ow!” He clutches his side.
“Omigod Benji! I totally forgot about your gash. I’m so, so sorry.” I jump out of the tub and search frantically for something that can help ease the pain.
“Joel?” The tone of his voice makes me whip around, and I see his face looks frustrated.
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you ever be sorry. Ever. You are the single most caring person I know. You took me in and fixed me when I basically told you I was too much of a scared jackass to be with you. Then you forgave me by giving me the best night of my life: cuts and all. Nothing is your fault, don’t be guilty.”
Slowly I walk over to the edge of the tub, and kneel on the mat beside it. I take his hand in mine. And kiss it softly.
“I’d always take you back Benji. I was crazy about you the day you came here.”
Now it’s his turn to blush.
“Now come on, I’ll set up a bed for you. I’m sorry but I’m too wound up to drive. And I don’t want you out there. Tomorrow I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
“The hospital…?” He asks.
“I’m no doctor. I don’t want that nasty cut to get infected.”
“What about school? Or your parents?”
“I don’t care about school, I want you to get better. My mom’s not going to be home until school ends anyways.”
“Wow Joel,” he says almost impressed.
“I didn’t expect such an attitude of delinquency from you,” he teases. I smile at him.
I help him out of the tub and into my room, where he sits on my bed as I set up the futon mattress that my couch converts into.
“You have a nice room,” he muses. “I never really noticed it Saturday.”
“Thanks!” I reply pleased.
“So, you can um, sleep in my bed if you want, and I’ll take the futon. My mattress is a lot more comfortable.”
“Really? Are you sure?” He asks questioningly.
“Yeah of course. And uh, do you want to borrow a shirt or something, seeing as yours is really, err , drenched?”
He looks at me.
“You really are the most awesome person.” I grin shyly as I go through my wardrobe of clothes.
There’s nothing that would be remotely ‘Benji-style’ in here. Mostly v-necks and polo shirts. Then I suddenly discover the oversized Bob Marley-smoking-a-joint shirt that my brother left here by mistake. What a kid, my brother is.
I turn around to give him the shirt to see that he’s already topless, and unbuttoning his shorts. I let the shirt slip through my fingers to the floor.
He catches me gaping and smiles.
“What? You never seen a real man before sonny?” he puts on a fake southern accent.
“Umm. Well I just wasn’t expecting it…”
He shrugs, “I like to be comfortable.”
To avoid the humiliation I focus on getting the shirt to him. “Here.” I throw it in his direction. He catches it then looks at the front.
“Bob Marley eh?” he raises his eyebrows.
He’s just standing there in his boxers. Does he know how sexy he looks?
He doesn't know why I left as soon as i saw his bare chest last time...
My brain is going insane.
Put the shirt on before I pounce on you. Put the shirt on before I pounce on you.
Put the shirt on before I pounce on you. Put the shirt on before I pounce on you.
Finally he puts it over his head and sprawls out in my bed, getting in the blankets.
Being the modest boy I am, I get out a plain white T and plaid PJ pants, then rush to the bathroom.
“Aww, I don’t get to see?” I hear Benji from outside.
“Good things come to those who wait,” I tease him through the walls.
He groans.
I go back out and lie on the futon after hitting the lights, with hands behind my head.
“Joel. Come over here. I’m not tired.”
The offer is tempting I’ll admit, but he needs to rest.
“Go to sleep,” I tell him.
“But it’s only like 10:15!”
“Shut up Benji, I’m sleeping.”
“You’re no fun,” he pouts.
“Hey, you gotta do what I say. It’s my house and I’m the one who took you back remember?”
Silence. That probably was cutting too deep.
“Sorry….” I apologize.
“It’s fine.” He says. “It’s true anyhow…”
After a few moments of awkward silence I hear muffled movement. I strain my eyes in the dark to see him shuffling in the sheets.
“What are you doing you spaz?” I ask amused.
“I just. I sleep naked normally okay! I can’t get comfy.” I feel the redness creep up my face.
Why did he have to tell me that? Now all I can picture is him naked in my bed…
Benji obviously senses I’m blushing as he says, “Until morning, oh Face of Embarassment.”
I giggle, then snuggle into my pillow.
“Night Benji”
“And Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. So much.”
My heart flutters with his appreciation. This is the start of something spectacular, I can feel it.
“You’re most definitely welcome.”
*********
Title: Stab Wound Healer - Part 2
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Benji has a tough decision to make.
Disclaimer: This happened - but only in my mind.
Notes: For anyone who reads it. I hope that you like it. :)
Prologue: Benji, Prologue: Joel, No Lies, Just Love , Failed Attempts, Joel is Gay & Benji Gets A Job, That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 1 , That Fucker Kissed Me - Part 2 ,
Part 1 ----> (Stab Wound Healer - Part 1)
My hands tremble as I open the door to the café. I search for him as I get inside, but no trace. No trace yet. I just hope he shows up.
I walk over to the counter and the owner, Stila, greets me with her always sunshiny smile.
“Benji! Hi! How are you? The usual?”
I nod. “Hey Stila. I’m..I could be better.”
“Wanna talk about it sweets?” She asks leaning over the counter.
“Um, I’d really rather not. Sorry. I’m meeting someone anyways….I think”
“Well ok, Benji,” she pinches my cheek. “Here’s your green tea, hon. On the house.”
I smile thankfully, and walk over to a secluded booth in the back. The nice thing about small coffee shops, is that they offer privacy because there’s not much business or space.
After about 10 minutes of stirring my tea anxiously, I finally see Joel through the picture window, coming into the shop…
I gasp for breath when the ting of the bell on the door sounds and he walks inside. Not even bothering to go see Stila, he searches the room & meets my eye. I clatter my spoon nervously as he stalks over to the table, never breaking focus with his severe gaze. As he slides into the booth, I notice he looks tired and not as groomed as he normally does.
It makes my stomach get into knots, because I know it’s my fault.
“Hi.” He says.
Not nicely, not meanly: emotionless.
That’s almost worse than sounding angry.
“Hey Joel,” I breathe.
Nobody says anything for a moment.
“So. Benji.” He inhales, building up his nerve. “Why did you kiss me? And then leave.” He exhales.
“I - I.” I stutter.
What can I tell him?
“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” I ask with pleading eyes.
He scrunches his perfect features. I don’t like it. I don’t like it when they look upset and offended.
“No. Of course not. Who do you think I am? You think I’d use that as some sick kind of revenge and-”
“No! No. I’m sorry -I. I just have never let anyone know. Ever.”
“I know how that feels…”
“Look. Joel. What I did, it, I wasn’t thinking.” His face falls.
“And I -” I can’t lie to him. “ Look. You are someone that I’d love to get to know. To get closer to. Really & truly. I find, even right now, that I’m so attracted to everything about you. And I really, really enjoyed the kiss; I’m not going to lie. But- this. This can’t go anywhere. Like, it just won’t work. I won’t be able to, and won’t want to, hide our relationship from everyone.”
“Th-then, then don’t! Come out! Fuck, I did it!”
He practically shouts at me, and I feel horrible.
“You don’t understand. My boss, my dad, fuck - Silas! They would never - they’d. I’d lose my job, my family, and get beat up by the biggest asshole that ever lived!”
He looks at me seriously, his eyebrows arched low.
“What are you talking about? No. That’s wrong. It’s so wrong. The best thing I ever did was come out Benji Combs. I finally feel like I can be myself without having to fear everyone else, without trying to act how I think I should. Sure, not everybody is going to understand, but that’s life. That’s the breaks. You can’t hide it forever; because soon, it’ll eat you up inside till there’s nothing left.”
For a moment I stare at him, utterly suprprised at his attitude. I don’t like this side of him. Brutally honest: not happy. I don’t like it because he’s right. So right. And because I’ve made him upset.
“Joel. I. I’m not ready. I-I can’t.”
“Please,” He almost is begging me. “Please!” He grabs my hand, and won’t let go.
“Benji - fuck. We barely know each other. That’s a fact. But, when you were up there totally letting loose & being yourself in my room, I see a side of you I want. I've thought you were so - hot, ever since you came here! I didn't apporach you because you hang out with Silas, and because I had no idea you were gay. But I - I want you Benji. I want you so bad.”
Fuck. I look into my tea, and try to form words. What can I even tell him…
“I can’t” I whisper, breaking his heart.
Coward. Coward Coward Coward!
I slowly gaze up at Joel, and I can see the hurt printed on his face. He’s still grasping my hand.
“You can’t? Or you don’t want to. Benji, if you’re worried about Silas, who cares? Come hang out with my friends. You’ll be fine. Just - please don’t tell me that. Please…”
“I’m sorry.” He lets go of my hand, and stands up.
“Well - well.” He looks near to tears. “If you can’t even try to make an effort, then you - you must not. You mustn’t really… Fuck you Benjamin.”
He wipes his eyes as he leaves, and I just drop my head in my hands.
10 minutes later I feel somebody patting me on the head. Stila.
“Now Benji, what are you crying for.”
“I-I-I. I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t!”
“Look Benji. I know I don’t come off as a serious person, but. Come on. I think we both know what you have to do to win him back.”
I jerk my head and look at her puzzled.
“Don’t give me that look. I know and hear everything, remember?” She smiles, but I’m afraid of what she’ll say next.
“ Now, this boy clearly has feelings for you. And I know that you like him too. Sometimes fear takes over our lives hon, but you got to be stronger than that. You have to weigh the options on the scale and decide. Which is better? A chance at a great relationship with some criticism and hardships along the way? Or hiding in fear because of a few people that intimidate you. You know in the back of your mind that you will have to eventually tell everybody about your sexuality. Are you going to lose the opportunity of getting to know a boy who you could've had, because you can't face the fact that you are gay? You aren't the first to come out of the closet, you know what the outcome and risks are. So are you just going to put it off? Your family will understand, they always do in the end. And if someone picks on you at school, hey you’re not alone, and it’s only for a couple more weeks anyways. The decision seems pretty clear to me.”
She finishes so what she just told me can sink in. And it does sink in.
She sees the comprehension seep over my face.
“Ah, the lightbulb is burning now. Oh sweetie, what are you still doing here? Go get him!”
What am I doing here? She’s right. She’s SO right.
It’s time I face reality. Time to grow up, and stop denying who I really am.
If I can’t have him, even for a little while, I’ll be miserable and regret this for this rest of my life. I know what I have to do.
I get up and start to sprint, but stop and retreat to give Stila a huge loving hug.
“Thank you. Thank you SO much.”
“Don’t thank me! Go! GO!” Her laughter echoes as I run out the entrance.
My lungs are bursting as I find myself 3 blocks away from Joel’s house. I slow down to catch my breath - and then I hear it.
The snarling laugh that only comes from one person I know. Through an alleyway, out pops out Silas, a dude named Devon, and 2 guys I’ve never seen before.
“Oh look Dev! It’s Benji.” Something’s not right. His smile is too wide; and too menacing. Plus, he greeted me very sarcastically…
“Umm, Hey Silas. I can’t talk right now I gotta go and meet someone very-“
“Oh, I know who you’re going to meet Benji.” I stop dead in my tracks.
“I gotta admit Benji, you had me fooled. If Dev hadn’t seen you holding hands with that faggot queer in that little coffee house, we’d probably never know.”
My breathing decides to quit at this moment.
“I - *gasp* - I”
“No excuses buddy. Real friends don’t keep precious secrets like that from each other.”
The 2 unknown hooligans snicker. He walks towards me, and put his arm around me. My legs won’t move.
“Do you know how we repay lying FAGGOTS!?” He screams at me, and I go pale.
The other 3 surround me, and I’m trapped.
“No?” He teases me. “Well let me show you.”
The next thing I feel is something sharp enter my flesh, and I know that I’m in for hell.
*******************************
Food. I Need Fooooooood.
Anything to take my mind off what just happened.
I grab a huge tub of ice cream and stuff my face, just sitting in my torn up kitchen. My mom is away for tonight, and probably won’t come home until tomorrow afternoon.
My cheeks are still hot and tear-stained. I promised myself not to get my hopes up too high, and not to cry. But I guess I broke those didn’t I?
I just can’t understand him. He seems so much tougher than me, yet he’s so ashamed to admit he’s gay. It made me so ANGRY.
We can’t be together, hell I’d even settle for a date, because he won’t face who he really is. The worst part is knowing that he is gay. That I could’ve had a chance, that I had a chance…
FUCK. Why can’t he just do it!? I’d help him out! If all he’s worried about is that psyco nut job then -
*Tap Tap Tap*
What the hell? I’m not expecting anyone…
Did Mom come home early? Maybe she got her shift moved.
Oh god, Did she forget her keys again?
I’m going to honestly have to nail a chain to that women and-
I swing the door open and see a sight that makes my stomach churn.
Benji.
I’m about to tell him to get the hell away from me, but then I notice the blood. I notice a lot of blood.
My heart drops into my stomach.
“Joel -I. I know that you don’t want to speak to me, but I. I didn’t know where to go, and you were close and I-” He buckles and I lunge to catch him.
“Benji, Benji, Benji. What have you done? Come on, let’s get you clean.” I try to soothe my voice to calm him, but my insides are screaming. I’ve never been so scared in my life.
I drag him upstairs and into the bathroom connected to my room. I lay him down in the bathtub and tell him I just need to get a first aid kit. I run the fastest I ever have to retrieve the kit, then fly back into the bathroom.
Leaning over him in the tub, I examine him closely, and my face falls: Bruised knuckles, A black-eye, A bloody nose, contrusions on various parts of his neck and a huge gash in his lower abdomen.
“Jesus, Benji. What the hell happened?” I await my reply as I begin to clean and anti-septic-ify everything.
“Silas. He beat me up.” I stiffen in fury and outrage. That fucker.
Finishing off his face, I lift up his shirt to take a closer look at his cut. It’s revolting. It’s not that the cut itself is really deep, it’s the fact that it drags horizontally all the way across his body. Only a real deuche bag would do that.
I need more answers.
“But why would he do that to you? I though you hung out with him.” I await my reply as I wash the cut & put a long strip of gauze on it.
“His friend. He saw us in the café. When you were holding my hand. Silas figured out I was gay, and he & 3 of his buddies beat me up for lying.”
Guilt races through me. It’s because I held his hand. All my fault. Why did I do that!? Stupid Joel. Stupid!
He must see my expression because he quickly tries to console me.
“No, no, no, no, no. It’s not your fault at all Joel. Don’t blame yourself. If I hadn’t been such a complete idiot, then we’d all be happy.”
“What…?” He stops me and grabs both my upper arms. He looks intensely at me.
“Joel. You’re so great. I’m such a fool for not letting my real emotions out. I shouldn’t be hiding from anyone because, cause, I want you. I do. I want you. I jus - I just don’t know how I can - I can ever-”
The next thing I know I’m being pulled in, with Benji’s warm lips on mine, begging for me to respond.
He grabs my lower back with one hand, and strangles my hair with the other, and I’m so turned on I don’t know what to do. I bend my knees between his spread out legs and grasp both sides of the porcelain tub: I want to feel him, but I can’t risk putting any weight on him to hurt him.
By now I’m teasing his lips open, wanting to explore the inside of his mouth with my tongue. He obliges. It’s the best kiss anyone could ever want. Ever. The pent up lust that was trapped inside is releasing through me passionately into Benji.
I feel strangely calm. Even though Benji’s being really rough - which don’t get me wrong I like, but I don’t want him to overexert himself - I feel at peace for the first time in the past few weeks.
Because everything’s going to be alright. It’s going to be better than alright. He wants me. He really wants me. I don’t even care anymore if he comes out, as long as I get to be with him this way.
Benji pulls on the fabric of my shirt, and slides his hands to my hips, slowly swirling his thumbs around the sharp V of my pelvis. It feels amazing.
Then he dips his hands lower, around the hem of my boxers.
Fuck. Okay. I need to touch him - now. I want to feel his skin on my fingertips; I want to run my hands through his hair.
I wrench away from Benji, and he gives me a sad look of confusion.
Without saying anything, I hurriedly grab under his arms and pull him into a sitting position, forcing me backward and making his knees bend. Then I carefully wrap my arms around his back & start up the make-out session again.
I feel him smile in relief on my lips, and I can’t help but smile too.
We both laugh, and then he pulls us apart and rests his head against my shoulder. I squeeze him in embrace to support his weight. I feel his arms cover the small of my back.
After a few minutes of silent hugging, he starts to peck my neck, and I can’t help but let out a groan.
“Mmm, Joel. You’re such a great kisser, you know that?” He nuzzles me, and I blush.
“Uh, th-thanks. You are more than satisfactory yourself.”
Beaming at me, he kisses my lips just once.
I have to reveal my secret:
“T-to be honest, I’ve never actually, um, kissed anyone before you.” I go redder.
“Seriously?!" He asks in suprise. Well you rock.”
I’m probably scarlet now.
I look away to hide my embarrassment.
“Fuck Joel, you’re so adorable,” he tries to get me to face him, but I bat him away giggling.
“No! You mustn’t see The Face of Embarassment!” I yell.
He starts to laugh then: “Ow!” He clutches his side.
“Omigod Benji! I totally forgot about your gash. I’m so, so sorry.” I jump out of the tub and search frantically for something that can help ease the pain.
“Joel?” The tone of his voice makes me whip around, and I see his face looks frustrated.
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you ever be sorry. Ever. You are the single most caring person I know. You took me in and fixed me when I basically told you I was too much of a scared jackass to be with you. Then you forgave me by giving me the best night of my life: cuts and all. Nothing is your fault, don’t be guilty.”
Slowly I walk over to the edge of the tub, and kneel on the mat beside it. I take his hand in mine. And kiss it softly.
“I’d always take you back Benji. I was crazy about you the day you came here.”
Now it’s his turn to blush.
“Now come on, I’ll set up a bed for you. I’m sorry but I’m too wound up to drive. And I don’t want you out there. Tomorrow I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
“The hospital…?” He asks.
“I’m no doctor. I don’t want that nasty cut to get infected.”
“What about school? Or your parents?”
“I don’t care about school, I want you to get better. My mom’s not going to be home until school ends anyways.”
“Wow Joel,” he says almost impressed.
“I didn’t expect such an attitude of delinquency from you,” he teases. I smile at him.
I help him out of the tub and into my room, where he sits on my bed as I set up the futon mattress that my couch converts into.
“You have a nice room,” he muses. “I never really noticed it Saturday.”
“Thanks!” I reply pleased.
“So, you can um, sleep in my bed if you want, and I’ll take the futon. My mattress is a lot more comfortable.”
“Really? Are you sure?” He asks questioningly.
“Yeah of course. And uh, do you want to borrow a shirt or something, seeing as yours is really, err , drenched?”
He looks at me.
“You really are the most awesome person.” I grin shyly as I go through my wardrobe of clothes.
There’s nothing that would be remotely ‘Benji-style’ in here. Mostly v-necks and polo shirts. Then I suddenly discover the oversized Bob Marley-smoking-a-joint shirt that my brother left here by mistake. What a kid, my brother is.
I turn around to give him the shirt to see that he’s already topless, and unbuttoning his shorts. I let the shirt slip through my fingers to the floor.
He catches me gaping and smiles.
“What? You never seen a real man before sonny?” he puts on a fake southern accent.
“Umm. Well I just wasn’t expecting it…”
He shrugs, “I like to be comfortable.”
To avoid the humiliation I focus on getting the shirt to him. “Here.” I throw it in his direction. He catches it then looks at the front.
“Bob Marley eh?” he raises his eyebrows.
He’s just standing there in his boxers. Does he know how sexy he looks?
He doesn't know why I left as soon as i saw his bare chest last time...
My brain is going insane.
Put the shirt on before I pounce on you. Put the shirt on before I pounce on you.
Put the shirt on before I pounce on you. Put the shirt on before I pounce on you.
Finally he puts it over his head and sprawls out in my bed, getting in the blankets.
Being the modest boy I am, I get out a plain white T and plaid PJ pants, then rush to the bathroom.
“Aww, I don’t get to see?” I hear Benji from outside.
“Good things come to those who wait,” I tease him through the walls.
He groans.
I go back out and lie on the futon after hitting the lights, with hands behind my head.
“Joel. Come over here. I’m not tired.”
The offer is tempting I’ll admit, but he needs to rest.
“Go to sleep,” I tell him.
“But it’s only like 10:15!”
“Shut up Benji, I’m sleeping.”
“You’re no fun,” he pouts.
“Hey, you gotta do what I say. It’s my house and I’m the one who took you back remember?”
Silence. That probably was cutting too deep.
“Sorry….” I apologize.
“It’s fine.” He says. “It’s true anyhow…”
After a few moments of awkward silence I hear muffled movement. I strain my eyes in the dark to see him shuffling in the sheets.
“What are you doing you spaz?” I ask amused.
“I just. I sleep naked normally okay! I can’t get comfy.” I feel the redness creep up my face.
Why did he have to tell me that? Now all I can picture is him naked in my bed…
Benji obviously senses I’m blushing as he says, “Until morning, oh Face of Embarassment.”
I giggle, then snuggle into my pillow.
“Night Benji”
“And Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. So much.”
My heart flutters with his appreciation. This is the start of something spectacular, I can feel it.
“You’re most definitely welcome.”
*********