FIC: You Make Me Sick, Part Eight
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my godlike and sexy beta herohunter ♥
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
“Hey thar, boy.”
Lex looked around for the owner of the gruff voice that had startled him. A man with widely spaced teeth and red-rimmed eyes stomped up beside him, and Lex rolled backward in self-preservative instinct.
“Y’got trouble with ‘em stairs?” the man asked, raking a hand over his gray thinning hair.
Lex had been sitting beside the ramp that lead into the house for several minutes hoping the sun wouldn’t burn the sensitive skin of his head when this man had approached. He bowed his lips and searched for a response for the stranger. “I uh… yeah. I’m not particularly good with staircases.”
“M’wife got ‘er one o’them Rascals,” the man said as he took the back of Lex’s chair and started to push him up. “You’re Clark’s friend, right? Takin’ care o’him?”
“Yeah.” Lex’s eyes darted around nervously as they made it up the ramp. Having other people wheel him around tended to be slightly unnerving. Giving up control wasn’t easy for Lex, and he preferred to actually give the word before someone took it from him.
“She run over Martha’s foot once.”
Lex laughed. “Oh, how would I love to do that, if I didn’t depend on her support for Clark.”
The man wheeled Lex into the farmhouse. “She couldn’t say nuthin’. She’d feel too bad ‘cuz you’re in that chair.”
“Hope so,” Lex muttered, looking over the kitchen as he waited for Clark. A few other men came stomping in and clustered around the table.
“Hey, thar, lil’ bit!” one of men bellowed. “Careful boys, don’t step on ‘im!”
“Oh, shaddup, Ted.”
Lex smiled tensely and rolled backward out of their way. Ted loped over to him and clapped his hand on Lex’s shoulder.
“Nah, you don’t mind, do ya? Damn, but yer a tiny thing!”
“Please don’t do that,” Lex said quietly. He straightened up from the base of his spine to his neck as though pulled up by a string.
“Do what?” The gruff man leaned down to look him in the face.
“I don’t like to be touched.” Lex felt his heart racing. He half expected this man to punch him so hard his chair hit the wall and his stuffing came out.
“Yeah, keep your hands to y’self, homo!” Another man laughed, grabbed the back of Ted’s flannel shirt, and pulled him back to the table. A woman in her fifties began dishing out lunch to the workers. Lex withdrew into a corner and popped some pain pills into his mouth.
Gaining the acceptance of Clark’s ‘Pa’ was more than Lex had ever hoped for. There had been years when he would have done anything for the slightest bit of approval from an adult. He’d thought those years had passed, but the fluttery feeling he’d experienced when Mr. Kent had asked him to call him by his name… Lex knew he would have to watch himself. Mr. Kent seemed like a kind man, but Lex’s judgment around potential father figures had the propensity to be sorely lacking.
Clark and his father came into the house, and when Clark caught sight of him in the corner, he scowled. He came over and crouched beside him.
“Hey, Lex, are you okay? You look… how I probably look when I go out,” Clark whispered. He placed a hand on Lex’s thigh.
Lex laughed softly. “I’m just a little nervous.”
“Are they bothering you?”
“We ain’t botherin’ him!” one of the workers hollered
Clark rolled his eyes. “Are they?”
“No, I told you. I’m fine.”
Clark rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, how about you, me, and Pa go get a late lunch?”
Lex nodded quietly. Clark waved to the guys and wheeled Lex out of the farmhouse.
“Something tells me, Clark, I’m not really meant for small town life.”
“Well, lucky for us, we’ve got a nice place in the city,” Clark said softly in his ear, as he took him back down the ramp. Jonathan Kent smiled widely at him.
“They treat you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Lex repeated insistently.
“I think Lex just gets nervous when he has to deal with strangers. I do, too, mostly,” Clark told his father. The three of them piled into the car, and Clark began to chatter excitedly with Jonathan, not unlike a ten-year-old boy. Lex smiled and pulled away from the farm.
***
The car slowed to a stop before the Loeb Bridge, and Lex glanced over at Clark, whose lips curved upward uncertainly. Seeing Lex open the door, Clark followed his lead and jogged around to the trunk to get his chair.
“Another walk? It’s getting kinda late in the day,” Clark pointed out, watching Lex mount his chair.
Lex shrugged. “I just thought it would be nice to see the sun setting from here before we head home.” He wheeled out onto the bridge, and Clark followed him, a bit slowly, to the middle where they had stood before on the way down.
“Was it real?” Clark asked suddenly. Lex turned his head to look back. Clark’s hands were buried in his jeans pockets, and he was scuffing his shoes anxiously. “When we came on the bridge before? I… I wish I could tell. I thought that we… I mean, you, I though that you…”
“Come here, Clark,” Lex said softly. His heart began to beat more swiftly, anticipating this young man’s reaction. Clark obeyed and walked up to him, then knelt to his level. Lex reached over and curled his hand behind his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. You weren’t imagining it. I kissed you.”
Clark opened his mouth in clear confusion and searched Lex’s eyes.
“I care about you a lot, Clark. I think we’re in love with each other, and I think… you’re getting better. I can see it. I see you taking on my father and bearing the stress of living with me more easily. I see you reasoning through things without faltering or becoming delusional. Being a romantic doesn’t count,” Lex explained, in a slow, articulate voice and smiled on the last point. “And I see you actively identifying hallucinations as not real, which… it’s wonderful to see you finally be able to do that! But I still feel as though I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like this.”
“You love me,” Clark replied, his lips curving into a grin. Of course, that had been all Clark heard.
Lex leaned over and touched Clark’s lips tentatively with his own. Then again and again. An excited giggle came out of Clark, and Lex opened his eyes to see a tear trickling down his young friend’s face. Lex brushed it away attentively.
“I don’t know what to do with this,” Lex admitted. Their faces were still so close that their noses brushed against one another. “I want to protect you-“
”And I wanna protect you!” Clark interrupted. “Can’t we do that together?”
“We are together. Aren’t we? We talk about almost everything, we take care of each other, we go out… What more is there?”
“Cuddling.”
“We do that,” Lex pointed out with a smile. Clark hugged him around the neck.
”And kisses.”
“I think we’ve successfully added that to our repertoire without anything exploding.” Lex rested his chin on the nook between Clark’s shoulder and his neck.
“Hawt sexx0rz!”
“…I have no idea what that means.”
Clark shook in laughter. “I was mostly kidding anyway. It’s um…”
Lex pulled back slightly and looked at Clark’s rapidly reddening face. “I have HIV. And you need to stop hanging out on online message boards. They’re warping your mind.”
“Condoms exist, Lex.” Clark looked away, seeming vaguely uncomfortable. “I was… kidding. We don’t have to.”
Two fingers trailed down Clark’s hairline. “No, we don’t. Let’s just feel this out. Let it be what it is, just let it happen, and we’ll see where it goes.”
It was gratifying to see Clark’s face light up like that, as though the world had suddenly snapped into focus and become vivid and more wonderful. Lex mashed his lips together, hoping he wouldn’t regret this. He’d been weighing this ever since he talked with Dr. Yeh about his feelings. This could still go very badly, but as Clark had said before, no matter what happened, they cared about one another too much to cause deliberate hurts, and seeing Clark grow and change and become stronger every day made Lex realize that he was no longer waiting for Clark to come to his senses. Clark was there. And Lex was there. And no matter how fragile they both were, there was no good reason now to deny themselves this.
Lex moved in once more and kissed Clark passionately, feeling the young man out. Clark had clearly never kissed anyone before, so Lex moved his hands back behind Clark’s head and began guiding him. He slowly licked along Clark’s lips, and when they opened, he drew the bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently. Clark made a surprised noise, then a pleasant one.
Lex let go and gave him several more gentle kisses before deepening it, and amusingly, Clark made another happy noise when Lex’s tongue entered his mouth and began slipping against Clark’s.
When they finally stopped, panting and looking into one another’s eyes in amazement, the sun had almost set. Lex drew Clark into his lap, and the two of them sat there on the bridge, watching the sun go down, though Lex was spending more time watching Clark than the horizon.
“Maybe this will give you something different to dream about, when your nightmares turn to this bridge, hm?” Lex asked, slipping his arms around Clark’s waist.
Clark looked back with a boyish grin. He squeezed Lex’s arms and kissed the side of Lex’s face. “This is the best day ever, Lex.”
“You make all of my days better,” Lex replied seriously.
***
The next day directly after his session with Dr. Yeh, Lex hummed to himself as he hit the elevator button to Mercy’s apartment building. He and Clark had spent the night curled around each other in bed. This wasn’t a new development, of course, but it felt different to be sharing a bed with someone after having decided to go forward in a relationship. Yeh had given little to no reaction to this news; she’d been expecting it, but he’d thought that he might have caught her smirking ever so slightly as she drank her coffee and listened to him talk about their future plans.
Lex couldn’t wait for Clark to get his GED. He was so proud of that young man… his… something. Boyfriend? Significant other? He wasn’t sure what Clark was. But he was his.
This was different. Nice.
Lex wheeled out into the hallway of Mercy’s floor and headed for her door, which was open. The fans were going, and he peeked his head in to see the strong woman wearing a tank top with no bra, a little silver Star of David around her neck, and a pair of cut-off jeans as she scrubbed the walls. There were boxes everywhere, and her couch was gone. So was her television, DVD player, and the microwave in the kitchenette.
“Mercy?” Lex called. After a moment he realized she was listening to her iPod. The stereo was gone as well. He wheeled inside, dodging some stray items that hadn’t been packed yet, and tapped on her leg. She jumped and turned around as if to attack him.
“Fuck, Lex, you scared me!” She took her ear buds out and slipped them into her pocket with the black iPod. “I didn’t expect you here.”
“I tried to call, but the operator said your cell had been cut off,” Lex told her. He was starting to get worried. Was she leaving? What had his father done to her?
Mercy thinned her lips. “I’m just switching services. Sorry. I’ll give you a new number when I get it, okay?”
Lex raised a brow. If there was one skill he had learned from his father, it was how to read people who were clearly lying. He made a sweeping glance of the apartment. “I was going to ask for the handicapper van for another outing this weekend. We’re getting Lucas again if you can come along, but you seem pretty busy. Would you like for me to bring Clark over? We could help you clean.”
“Um… no, I’ve got it covered.” She turned back around to keep scrubbing.
Oh, Mercy. “When’s your move out date?”
“I… dammit, Lex!” She looked at him again sharply. He licked his lips, waiting for a real answer. “Wednesday. Okay? I’m moving. I’m not leaving you.”
“Where are you moving?”
“Is that really any of your business?” she snapped.
Lex stared back at her fiercely, reading her defensive posture. He took another look at the apartment. “Oh, god, Mercy. He fired you. My father fired you, didn’t he?”
She groaned and leaned against the kitchenette counter.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lex admonished.
She averted her eyes and scowled at the wall. “Because you need consistency from your healthcare professionals, and I’m not letting that asshole take that away from you. I can only imagine you trying to find a new nurse now. Lionel would get you someone you’d never listen to or who’d worked you too hard, and you’d be in worse pain than ever.”
“What happened? Did he call you in, and then just-“
“No, I went to see him two weeks ago, after what he did to you when you collapsed in your office. That was bullshit, Lex, and we all know it. He can’t go around undermining your autonomy, and I can’t let him. It’s my job to make sure you can be self-sufficient, and you feel like you can.” Her lips curled into a grimace, and she crossed her arms. “I wish he hadn’t fired me. I wish I hadn’t had to start pawning off my stuff, but I’d do it again.”
Lex covered his mouth and rubbed his upper lip. “Do you have a place to stay?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.”
“A place that isn’t your van,” Lex shot back tersely. Stubborn woman.
Mercy sighed.
“We have an extra room. Come live with us.”
“Since when do you have an extra room?” she asked skeptically.
Lex’s lips curved to the side.
She reared her head back. “Um… Clark?”
“Would be sleeping in my room currently. We can move his things in there to make space for you.”
Mercy’s eyes widened, and her nostrils flared. “You two? You’re-?! What are you thinking?!”
“I hadn’t really planned on telling you so soon. Tell me you didn’t think this might happen,” Lex said softly, but unapologetically. If he knew Mercy, she was more afraid of Lex getting hurt, and now possibly afraid of Clark getting hurt as well, than reacting to any sort of moral censure.
She sucked in her cheeks and rolled her eyes. “Well, I suppose now I need to keep a better eye on you. Make sure Clark doesn’t give you any more shiners.”
“That was an accident.” His tone carried a slight warning. He wheeled backwards and began to turn. “I’m going to go pick up Clark. We’ll have this place packed and cleaned as soon as possible.”
Mercy stepped forward, frowning. ”I can’t accept this. I just can’t.”
“It isn’t charity,” Lex informed her. “Physical therapy isn’t cheap. Consider room and board your pay until you can find a new place and more clients.”
“I won’t be finding any new clients in Metropolis. Lionel blacklisted me.”
Lex paused at the door. “He doesn’t have control everywhere. I’ll give you good references if you have to leave the area.”
Mercy slid down onto the floor and let the fan hit her face with cool air. “Thank you, Lex.”
***
Once there were three people working in tandem on Mercy’s apartment, it didn’t take too long to clean. Clark was a hard worker and tall enough to reach places without the ladder that neither Lex nor Mercy could. They had brought over a boom box, split up tasks, and begun working diligently to the music. Soon, Clark was swaying his hips to the beat as he scrubbed down a wall.
Lex chuckled from the kitchen as he caught sight of him. “Clark, your dancing skills leave much to be desired.”
“We can’t all be dancing queens,” Clark replied, not in the slightest ashamed. He snapped his fingers and wiggled his tush as he danced over to the opposite wall and began cleaning over there.
“Remind me one of these days to dig out those old videos of Lex dancing.” Mercy stood on her ladder, dusting the ceiling fan. “I’ve got some from the clubs that are pretty amazing. You won’t believe your eyes.”
“Remind me to make sure that you don’t,” Lex countered, focusing on cleaning the baseboards in the kitchen. He wasn’t as sensitive about his limitations as he used to be, but he doubted he needed a reminder of how much he missed dancing.
“Aw… I’d like to see that!”
Lex caught Clark grinning over at him from the corner of his eye. He sighed and scooted backward to continue cleaning along the wall. “Maybe.”
Clark pouted.
“Stop that!”
“Okay, okay. But I’d love to see you dance. I think it’d be fun.”
Lex paused and licked his lips. “I’d… rather not see it. I don’t mind if you do.”
Mercy and Clark exchanged a look then dropped the subject.
“Let me know when you want me to call the pizza place. You can order whatever you want,” Lex said as though the former conversation hadn’t happened.
”You know me. I’ll eat anything,” Clark answered cheerfully. “Any time… any where…”
Lex smiled and put his wrists into getting the baseboards clean. This was pretty gross, but he remembered Mercy complaining that the place hadn’t been cleaned before she got it, so it had probably been awhile since the nooks and crannies had any attention. He was definitely going to have to shower before they ate.
“Done over here!” Clark announced.
Mercy narrowed her eyes and looked over at the wall Clark had just cleaned top to bottom. “You could get a job housecleaning.”
“He’d look great in the maid’s outfit, too.” Lex looked over his shoulder to catch Clark’s reaction.
The young man laughed and made a little curtsey with his shirt. “I always helped around the house and the farm. I don’t mind cleaning! It makes me feel better to see things get all sparkly and tidy.”
Lex shook his head and dipped his rag back into the bowl. He gave it a squeeze and attacked the corner. “I feel that way too, but I wouldn’t say that I like to clean. It in fact disgusts me; so does filth, though, so I suppose cleaning it is.”
“You can cook; I’ll clean,” Clark decided. He looked around. “Okay, we’ve got the walls. Lex has the baseboards. Should I get the bathroom?”
“Have at it,” Mercy encouraged. She finished up with the ceiling fan then turned it on. “Ugh. I’m going to have to vacuum again.”
“I had no delusions we wouldn’t. Yiiick!” Lex curled up his lips and dropped the rag back into the bowl with a shudder. “Okay, this side is done.”
Mercy climbed down from the ladder. “Why don’t I get the rest of that, and you go call in the pizza? Remember I’m mushrooms and black olives.”
“Got it.” Lex pulled himself away from the wall and then got out his cell phone to order the pizzas. “You know, we should probably be able to get most of your stuff moved out tonight, if you’re willing to keep going. We can load up the van and my car for a couple of trips.”
“That would be nice, since I don’t have a bed here anymore.” Mercy knelt by the wall and began swiftly and furiously tackling the grime there. “Or air conditioning. Look, Lex, I can’t thank you enou-“
“Don’t mention it.” Lex shook his head and held up a finger while he ordered the pizzas and gave the address. Once he snapped his phone shut, he mounted his chair and looked over at Mercy again, who had deftly scuttled along the end of the wall and gotten another side done. “You are so much faster at that than I am.”
“You’re too much of a perfectionist. Well, anyway, beggars can’t be choosers.”
“They can and are, on occasion. You don’t need to feel indebted to me.” He wheeled over to where she knelt before the baseboards. “You’ve stuck by us, and you actually lost your job defending me. Wait, listen, Mercy, I know you said you’d do it again, but still-“ He shrugged. “It was a genuine thing to do.”
“You don’t treat me like one of the help, Lex. I not gonna act like I’m just a body for hire.” She sat back on her heels then looked back at him and pulled her keys out of her pocket. “Here, why don’t you start taking boxes down to the van? That way you don’t have to deal with my nasty apartment.”
Lex caught the keys and grinned. “I think I can handle that.”
“Lighter boxes over there.” Mercy got up and looked around. “Actually, let me load you up.”
Lex nodded and waited for her to choose which ones to go down first, wishing he could be more useful. He worked out regularly, mostly to make sure that he could lift himself when he needed to get in and out of his chair, but he wasn’t sure of his strength for lifting boxes. After she’d put several of them in his lap, Lex headed out to the elevator.
On his third trip down, he turned away from the van where he was unloading boxes to see Clark towering over him. His dopey expression made Lex smile.
“Yes?” Lex raised his brows at Clark, who swooped down to kiss him. Clark’s large hands fumbled around Lex’s face until he took them, threading his fingers through Clark’s as they shared several sloppy, open-mouthed kisses. Clark was still unsure, but eagerly responded to Lex’s touch as though he were the most diligent student of all time.
Lex let go of Clark’s hand and cupped the back of his head firmly, winding his fingers through the thick black hair. After a few more open kisses, Lex’s tongue began to explore, dragging across then under Clark’s upper lip and over his teeth before poking tentatively into Clark’s mouth. The younger man made a soft noise, accepting the tongue into his mouth and resting a hand on Lex’s thigh.
“Mmm.” Lex finally pulled away and licked his lips. Clark’s face was just incredibly red. Such an adorable country boy. “You wanted something?”
“Huh? Oh! Pizza’s here.”
“Ah, I see. Let me lock up the van, and we’ll go back up, hm?”
Clark’s hands were on his shoulders as he locked the van door, and when he turned to wheel back toward the building, Clark kissed his scalp several times before leaning their heads together and walking along side him. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but it was very sweet.
***
By the time they finished moving Mercy’s things over to Lex’s apartment, it was well into the wee hours of the morning, and the three of them were exhausted. Lex excused himself to get a shower before he had to head to work. Clark cleared a path for him through the boxes, then sprawled out on the couch with a yawn.
“Today is not gonna be fun for you.”
“No day at work is fun for me. This is the way most people live.” He could barely lift his arms, but he slowly managed to wheel to his room. There would be no calling in to work. Lionel wouldn’t stand for it, and Lex wouldn’t allow himself to falter before his father more than he already had.
After a quick shower, Lex dressed himself and went back out towards the kitchen to get his yogurt and pills. Almost immediately, he smelled waffles, bacon, and eggs cooking. Mercy poked her head through the doorframe.
“You hungry?”
“Am I ever? It smells good, though.” Lex wheeled into the kitchen to find Clark setting the table.
“You’ve got time,” Clark insisted. He leaned over for a quick kiss.
Lex could only smile in response. He was exhausted, but this was just too good. That morning he got a home cooked breakfast and a kiss goodbye from Clark. With minimal frowning from Mercy, of course.
If he could get used to this, he might end up fat and happy.
That evening when Lex got off of work, he decided that instead of grabbing some takeout from his favorite restaurant, he’d treat Clark and Mercy to dinner. They deserved it, and they could all do with the normalcy of a night out.
For a Tuesday, the place was a bit busy, and Clark looked a little overwhelmed as they entered. Lex took his hand and kissed it, then kept it as they headed to their table.
“Try to focus on us, Clark. On us. Like at the ice cream shop?”
Clark nodded and sat down. “I’ll try.”
Lex rubbed Clark’s leg under the table, and Mercy shook her head in resignation.
“Do you want to try that tea I was talking about?” Lex asked, looking into Clark’s eyes. He knew his boy could do this.
Clark leaned over Lex’s shoulder to read his menu. “Uh, sure. Bubble… tea?”
“Has tapioca in it.”
“Like that nasty pudding from Fairview?” Clark wrinkled his nose.
Mercy laughed. “It really isn’t that bad. Good tapioca pudding tastes kind of like vanilla, but these are just little gummies in the bottom.”
“Um...”
“If you don’t like them, you don’t have to eat them.”
Clark bit his lip thinking about it. Then leaned over and started to nibble along Lex’s neck. Lex laughed out loud.
“What? I can’t eat that?” Clark gave another lick.
“Not here, you can’t,” Lex protested halfheartedly.
Clark gave up and rested his chin on Lex’s shoulder. “Okay. I’ll try whatever you want.”
“Good.” Lex opened up the menu as the waiter came up. “We’ll have the beef and chicken fried rice for Clark-“
“And me, too,” Mercy put in. Lex smiled.
“-and the strawberry milk tea, green, with bubbles,” Lex continued. “For me, I’ll have the house special with tofu, broccoli, mushrooms, and sprouts… garlic brown sauce. Oh, and I’ll have the papaya milk tea, with bubbles.”
“Kiwi tea with bubbles,” Mercy finished, handing the waiter her menu and taking Clark’s as well.
Clark took Lex’s hand on the table, and Lex smiled back warmly.
“You look so tired,” Clark complained.
“I am so tired, but I’ll survive until we get home.”
Clark leaned over and met his lips with a brief kiss.
“You two got to stop being so cute,” Mercy admonished. “It’s hard for me to disapprove when you’re making Lex look so happy.”
Lex dipped his head. “You don’t have to disapprove.”
“It’s just hard to believe that after everything, this is actually working, y’know?” She toyed with her straw. “You two really deserve to have someone, though.”
Lex felt Clark’s dry lips on the back of his head and laughed.
***
“You look cute there,” Clark said, buffing his hair with a towel as he walked out of the bathroom.
Lex scoffed. “I’m just lying here.”
“Looking cute. And small.” Clark tossed the towel at the hamper and dropped down onto the bed. Then he flopped over and laid his head on Lex’s abdomen. “And cute.”
There was something about looking down at Clark from this angle that made Lex’s insides turn to slush. It just twinged then went loose, and he couldn’t say anything at all, only thread his fingers through Clark’s soft curls and look down on him, mesmerized by the precious, fragile creature before him. They were both so fragile, prone to unraveling at any moment.
“Don’t look so sad, Lex,” Clark whispered, reaching up to brush the back of his hand against Lex’s cheek.
“I love you so much.”
Clark raised a brow. “That’s not something you should be frowning about.”
Lex sighed. “Come lay next to me. I’m tired, and I really need to get rest for work tomorrow. If my performance starts to slack, my father will no doubt retaliate somehow.”
“Clark Kent Body Pillow, it is.” Clark grinned and pulled himself straight then cuddled into Lex’s side. “Good?”
“Wonderful.” Lex reached over and pulled the lamp chain. He felt Clark’s hand move onto his hip, and he smiled in the darkness.
***
That Friday morning, the doors of Lex’s office opened as he wheeled onto the pressure pad. To his surprise, both Lionel and Martha were waiting there for him. Lionel was leaning idly on his desk, and Martha was looking out the window with her arms crossed. The sunlight streamed in harshly, casting the woman’s features into severity. She appeared quite old in that light, and Lionel, as ever, looked the predator, his nose sharply cut and his twisted lips pulled tight with malignant patience. Ready to begin tearing vulnerable and pliant flesh from the bones of his crippled prey. Both turned to him when he entered. Martha began walking towards him.
“Do what do I owe the pleasure of a family reunion in my office?” Lex asked guardedly.
Martha didn’t stop walking. She approached him swiftly, then drew her hand behind her head and slapped him clean across the face before he could even begin to wheel backward.
“You pervert! You sick, sick man!” she shrieked. Lionel swooped in behind her and her back.
“What the fuck?” Lex demanded, holding his hand over his mouth. His lip was bleeding. He hoped he gave the bitch AIDS.
“You know. He’s just a baby!” she spat, curling her lips in repulsion.
Lionel tightened his grip on his wife. “Martha, you are going to have to calm down, or I’ll have to ask you to wait outside.”
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to get a tissue.” Lex glared at the both of them as he wheeled towards his desk.
Lionel released Martha, and she stalked to the other side of the room, her face scrunched and ugly. He pulled out a folder and waited until Lex had pressed a tissue to his bleeding lip to hand it to him. Lex took the folder with the other hand and opened it.
There were pictures of Clark and himself. Together. Eating ice cream, laughing together. He swallowed tensely. Remain calm. You haven’t done anything wrong, and they have no proof that you did.
“You slapped me for being friendly with your son,” Lex said in disbelief. Lionel pulled out another picture and set it on top of the pile. God, Lionel was so predictably boring in his villainy. This one was from yesterday, when Clark had nibbled on his neck in the restaurant. Lex licked his lips, tasting the blood, and looked up at Lionel. “Is that all you’ve got? Let’s not draw this out.”
“This is unnatural, Lex. He’s your brother,” Lionel scolded in a loud voice.
“He’s Clark Kent. I’m Lex Luthor. We are not related, and I admit to nothing, so long as all you have is pictures of Clark and I playing around.” Lex slapped the folder down on the desk.
Martha turned and pleaded, “Lionel?”
Lionel crossed his arms and shook his head. “You’re fired.”
Lex blinked in disbelief.
“I know that you are pursuing a relationship with Clark, and I cannot permit behavior like this out of members of my family or my company.” He leaned on the intercom. “Michelle, please come up here, and bring a box.” Martha came up next to him, and Lionel put his arm around her. “We’re both very disappointed, Lex.”
“You cannot fire me for this,” Lex protested. His voice sounded hollow. His body felt numb.
Michelle walked in with a box. “Sir?”
“Clean out the desk, Michelle.”
The woman pushed out a lip and cocked her brow; then she looked to Lex and walked around to the other side of the desk. Lex opened his mouth and widened his eyes. This was really happening.
“You cannot fire me for this,” Lex repeated. Michelle stopped for a moment and slipped her hand into her pocket. A sharp look from Lionel caused her to resume her task. “You can’t fire me for having a relationship with Clark. I’ve done good work for this company! I’ve smoothed feathers that you ruffled, I’ve dodged legal issues for this company’s negligence, and I’ve single-handedly prevented two employee uprisings!”
“So you admit you have a relationship with him?”
“I don’t believe this.” Lex turned his head and watched as Michelle emptied out his desk.
“Believe it, Lex. I hope you’ve gotten what you wanted with Clark because you can consider yourself repudiated from both this family and my company.”
“You’re never seeing Lucas again, you… Oh, God, I let him hug my boy!” Martha buried her face into Lionel’s chest. He petted her hair comfortingly.
Michelle set the box in Lex’s lap and looked around for any other personal belongings in the office. The three Luthors hardly noticed her. She returned a second later and began pushing Lex out.
“No… no, I can’t lose this job! Stop!” Lex put his hands on wheels. Michelle waited for a moment. “Dad, listen to me. Clark and I haven’t done anything.”
Lionel pulled out a CD. “I could show you this, but I don’t think that I have to. It’s of you and Clark having a little make out session in front of Mercy Grave’s old apartment building.”
Lex shook his head, his eyes wide and frantic. “Dad-“
“Don’t bother calling me that anymore.” Lionel looked up as two security guards came into the room and looked down on Lex apologetically.
“Mr. Luthor,” Stan said hesitantly. “Can… you just go quietly?”
“I’ve got him, Stan,” Michelle said. She spared a look back at Lionel Luthor, who was still comforting his wife.
Lex sat there, his arms around the sad little box with all of his personal possessions as Michelle and the guards saw him out of the building. How could this be happening to him again?
***
The bar on the corner had always been there. Lex had just never wheeled himself inside after work, concerned both for accessibility and getting into the habit and expense of drinking in public. As he’d thought, there was a large step down to get to the bar and no ramp. So he looked around and wheeled himself over to a table, hoping someone would come over.
Within twenty minutes, a college-aged girl, probably going to Met U came up to him and shifted her weight onto one leg. “Hey, sweetie. Can I getcha anything? You need a menu, or are you gonna meet some friends here?”
“No, I’m alone. Can I get a scotch neat?”
Her murky green eyes honed in on him. Lex felt like he was being peeled open like an egg. “Kinda early, isn’t it?”
Lex set the box in his lap on the table and tapped it. “I just got fired. I think it’s right about time.”
“Omigod! That’s really low!” the girl cried. It was sweet, but Lex could see her eyes drifting to his stumps. Who would dare fire a cripple?
He sat there for a while, alone. Drinking his scotch. Counting his pills. Trying to find some way that this blow wouldn’t ultimately destroy him and Clark. He knew he should know by now not to try to think logically when he was drinking; he kept going around in circles. Lex had no job. He still had Clark’s Power of Attorney, but the court could take that away if they deemed Lex unfit to care for him. Clark needed care, needed his meds to stay sane. Meds, therapy, food, and shelter had to be paid for. Assistance barely covered Lex’s needs, getting it for Clark too… Lex needed a job. But he didn’t have a job, and Lionel would keep him from getting a job. They could take Clark away and put him in another asylum-
A hand touched Lex’s shoulder, and only then did he realize he had been rocking back and forth frenetically. A familiar heart-shaped face tilted and smiled sympathetically at him.
“Hey, Daize.” Lex looked up at the woman with a watery smile. She pulled a chair over for herself and leaned on her hand. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
“Oh? Yeah, well I got a new job. With a video editing company… are you okay? I mean… I guess it’s happy hour somewhere, but you don’t look happy.”
“Lost my job,” he said shortly, then took another drink.
Daize winced. She touched his shoulder gently again and gave it a rub.
“I’m really fucked,” Lex told her, hearing the tears in his own voice. He lowered his head, ashamed, and covered his eyes with one hand.
Daize raised her hand and ordered a drink from the waitress. “My company doesn’t work on Fridays,” she explained. “Wanna tell me what happened?”
Lex didn’t know why he’d told her this much, but… slowly the words began to tumble out of his mouth, becoming more slurred as he went along until he’d unleashed his entire burden and there was nothing left in him to tell.
***
Lex woke to the sound of Clark crying out his name. He blinked and looked around himself. He was in his apartment. Clark was hugging him.
“Michelle called us hours ago! Where the hell have you been?” Mercy demanded. Lex blinked and sat there limply in his chair.
“He was at the bar.” Daize walked forward, taking a look around at the construction and design of his apartment. “Now he’s home. Does anything else matter?”
Clark’s voice came muffled through his sweater. “I was worried.”
“I know, baby,” Lex muttered, stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry, Clark. So sorry.” He bowed over, his hands touching the sides of Clark’s face, and the younger man wrapped his arms around Lex’s neck.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault. Please, Lex, don’t be sad.”
Daize put her hands in her pockets uncomfortably.
Clark continued murmuring to him, “It’s gonna be okay…”
“No, it’s not going to be okay!” Lex snapped bitterly, looking up at him. “It isn’t.”
“Is, isn’t, let’s get you to bed,” Mercy said flippantly.
Lex wheeled backward obstinately.
“C’mon, Lex. You’re drunk and upset, and you know you can’t think clearly right now, so let me put you to bed-“
Lex turned his chair sharply and wheeled his way into his room, then slammed the door and locked it.
Daize’s voice floated in, “Well, that went great. For your next trick, I guess you stab him and tell him he’s not bleeding.”
“Who the hell are you?” Mercy demanded.
“I’m an ex-video clerk.”
“Get out of here.”
“Get over yourself. Hang on, I’m going to write down my number for Lex.”
“Can’t he just call the video store?”
Clark growled. “Shuddaaaaap!” He began pounding on the door. “Lex, don’t do this to yourself, please? Please?”
Hearing Clark beg like that hurt, especially knowing what Clark was so afraid of. “Damn me,” he muttered, turning and unlocking the door. He did not open it, however, and simply wheeled over to his bed, lifted himself and threw himself down on it. He didn’t move.
Lex knew that the exhaustion he was feeling wasn’t real. It was avoidance, pure and simple. He just didn’t want to get up and face his life, his failure, his… Clark. Out there. Probably smiling and making the best of it. Saying things would all be okay. Little optimist.
But Lex also knew that Clark’s smiles wouldn’t last if he couldn’t get a job or find the money to pay for Clark’s medication. There would be no GED. No college. No future. He’d lose himself again, and then Lex would lose him forever.
All Lex wanted to do was lie there and sleep for the rest of his life.
The next time he opened his eyes, there was a hand on his back, rubbing gently, and someone speaking soft words of adoration into his ear. It was Clark, and he curled up next to Lex and lay with him for a while.
“I’m sorry, Clark.”
“You aren’t a paycheck to me, Lex. I don’t care if you got fired.”
“I can’t take care of you without LuthorCorp’s insurance,” Lex muttered, curving his face back into the pillow.
Clark kissed the back of his head. “We’ll find a way. We all will. You’ll see, Lex. Just get up with me, and we’ll take a shower. You’ll feel better, and we can have dinner. You need your pills.”
“I can’t afford those either.”
“We’ll find a way.”
“I’m sorry I can’t just believe that it’ll all magically work out, Clark,” Lex snapped. He grabbed a cover and pulled it over his head.
“I didn’t mean magic. I meant, like… welfare. If a schizo and a paraplegic don’t qualify for assistance, who does?”
Lex dug out of the pile of pillows and looked up at Clark with strained and puffy eyes. The younger man leaned down and gave him a kiss, which had to be a bit disgusting since Lex hadn’t been out of bed to brush his teeth in a while.
“Shower?” Clark offered.
“What would I do without you?”
“Probably not get fired for being gay. This isn’t all your fault. Lionel shouldn’t be allowed to do that.” Clark gave him another rub on the back and presented him with a bottle of water and a handful of pills. Lex sat up and watched him uncertainly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize!” Clark sighed in frustration. “You’re still you, and I still love you, and we’re all going to get through this together, okay? You don’t have to believe it, but I do.”
Lex downed a few pills and started thinking. He did have some money squirreled away, but between the two of them and their medical, it wouldn’t last long. They might have three months before he was completely broke. Maybe.
“I called my mom, who, by the way, I’m never speaking to again. I can’t believe she’s behaving this way… well I can, but the way she acts just isn’t excusable, I’m sorry. I know you wanted me to try to keep her as part of my family.”
Lex frowned. “You… wait. You called her, and…?”
“I told her what Lionel is doing to you is wrong, and I asked her to not hold our relationship against you, but she was being totally irrational. I couldn’t talk to her. She’s a total homophobe, and she doesn’t love me enough to listen, so we fought.” Clark caressed the back of Lex’s head. “The only real regret I have there is that I don’t think Mom will ever let you see Lucas again, and that hurts the both of you. I haven’t called my dad yet, but I will, and I’m gonna ask him for advice. He was totally positive on us getting together.”
“Your father is an amazing man.”
Clark nodded and took Lex into his arms. “We’ll work something out.”
“And he raised an amazing son. I… I know seeing me like this scares you. I know the threat of my self-extinction looms over the both of us… and it’s taken so long for me to get this far. I can’t promise that I’m going to get better quickly.”
“Lex, you don’t have to.” Clark kissed his forehead and rubbed his huge hands over Lex’s shoulders.
Lex shook his head. “I promised to stay with you...” He took one of Clark’s hands in his own, threading their fingers together. “And no matter what, I will keep that promise. You once said we had a destiny together. You make my days worth living, and I won’t give my father the satisfaction of getting rid of me now that we’ve found this together.”
Hearing Lex’s resolution to fight, a smile spread wide on Clark’s dry, pink lips. Lex stared at him intensely, then mouthed the words “love you,” before he pressed his head into Clark’s broad chest and stayed there in the warmth of his embrace, feeling sleepy again. He still didn’t want to move, but now the desire to stop all function was mingled with his desire to simply be with Clark. If nothing else, he thought that this desire might fuel him. It had been so long since he had wanted anything this badly.
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my godlike and sexy beta herohunter ♥
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
“Hey thar, boy.”
Lex looked around for the owner of the gruff voice that had startled him. A man with widely spaced teeth and red-rimmed eyes stomped up beside him, and Lex rolled backward in self-preservative instinct.
“Y’got trouble with ‘em stairs?” the man asked, raking a hand over his gray thinning hair.
Lex had been sitting beside the ramp that lead into the house for several minutes hoping the sun wouldn’t burn the sensitive skin of his head when this man had approached. He bowed his lips and searched for a response for the stranger. “I uh… yeah. I’m not particularly good with staircases.”
“M’wife got ‘er one o’them Rascals,” the man said as he took the back of Lex’s chair and started to push him up. “You’re Clark’s friend, right? Takin’ care o’him?”
“Yeah.” Lex’s eyes darted around nervously as they made it up the ramp. Having other people wheel him around tended to be slightly unnerving. Giving up control wasn’t easy for Lex, and he preferred to actually give the word before someone took it from him.
“She run over Martha’s foot once.”
Lex laughed. “Oh, how would I love to do that, if I didn’t depend on her support for Clark.”
The man wheeled Lex into the farmhouse. “She couldn’t say nuthin’. She’d feel too bad ‘cuz you’re in that chair.”
“Hope so,” Lex muttered, looking over the kitchen as he waited for Clark. A few other men came stomping in and clustered around the table.
“Hey, thar, lil’ bit!” one of men bellowed. “Careful boys, don’t step on ‘im!”
“Oh, shaddup, Ted.”
Lex smiled tensely and rolled backward out of their way. Ted loped over to him and clapped his hand on Lex’s shoulder.
“Nah, you don’t mind, do ya? Damn, but yer a tiny thing!”
“Please don’t do that,” Lex said quietly. He straightened up from the base of his spine to his neck as though pulled up by a string.
“Do what?” The gruff man leaned down to look him in the face.
“I don’t like to be touched.” Lex felt his heart racing. He half expected this man to punch him so hard his chair hit the wall and his stuffing came out.
“Yeah, keep your hands to y’self, homo!” Another man laughed, grabbed the back of Ted’s flannel shirt, and pulled him back to the table. A woman in her fifties began dishing out lunch to the workers. Lex withdrew into a corner and popped some pain pills into his mouth.
Gaining the acceptance of Clark’s ‘Pa’ was more than Lex had ever hoped for. There had been years when he would have done anything for the slightest bit of approval from an adult. He’d thought those years had passed, but the fluttery feeling he’d experienced when Mr. Kent had asked him to call him by his name… Lex knew he would have to watch himself. Mr. Kent seemed like a kind man, but Lex’s judgment around potential father figures had the propensity to be sorely lacking.
Clark and his father came into the house, and when Clark caught sight of him in the corner, he scowled. He came over and crouched beside him.
“Hey, Lex, are you okay? You look… how I probably look when I go out,” Clark whispered. He placed a hand on Lex’s thigh.
Lex laughed softly. “I’m just a little nervous.”
“Are they bothering you?”
“We ain’t botherin’ him!” one of the workers hollered
Clark rolled his eyes. “Are they?”
“No, I told you. I’m fine.”
Clark rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, how about you, me, and Pa go get a late lunch?”
Lex nodded quietly. Clark waved to the guys and wheeled Lex out of the farmhouse.
“Something tells me, Clark, I’m not really meant for small town life.”
“Well, lucky for us, we’ve got a nice place in the city,” Clark said softly in his ear, as he took him back down the ramp. Jonathan Kent smiled widely at him.
“They treat you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Lex repeated insistently.
“I think Lex just gets nervous when he has to deal with strangers. I do, too, mostly,” Clark told his father. The three of them piled into the car, and Clark began to chatter excitedly with Jonathan, not unlike a ten-year-old boy. Lex smiled and pulled away from the farm.
***
The car slowed to a stop before the Loeb Bridge, and Lex glanced over at Clark, whose lips curved upward uncertainly. Seeing Lex open the door, Clark followed his lead and jogged around to the trunk to get his chair.
“Another walk? It’s getting kinda late in the day,” Clark pointed out, watching Lex mount his chair.
Lex shrugged. “I just thought it would be nice to see the sun setting from here before we head home.” He wheeled out onto the bridge, and Clark followed him, a bit slowly, to the middle where they had stood before on the way down.
“Was it real?” Clark asked suddenly. Lex turned his head to look back. Clark’s hands were buried in his jeans pockets, and he was scuffing his shoes anxiously. “When we came on the bridge before? I… I wish I could tell. I thought that we… I mean, you, I though that you…”
“Come here, Clark,” Lex said softly. His heart began to beat more swiftly, anticipating this young man’s reaction. Clark obeyed and walked up to him, then knelt to his level. Lex reached over and curled his hand behind his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. You weren’t imagining it. I kissed you.”
Clark opened his mouth in clear confusion and searched Lex’s eyes.
“I care about you a lot, Clark. I think we’re in love with each other, and I think… you’re getting better. I can see it. I see you taking on my father and bearing the stress of living with me more easily. I see you reasoning through things without faltering or becoming delusional. Being a romantic doesn’t count,” Lex explained, in a slow, articulate voice and smiled on the last point. “And I see you actively identifying hallucinations as not real, which… it’s wonderful to see you finally be able to do that! But I still feel as though I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like this.”
“You love me,” Clark replied, his lips curving into a grin. Of course, that had been all Clark heard.
Lex leaned over and touched Clark’s lips tentatively with his own. Then again and again. An excited giggle came out of Clark, and Lex opened his eyes to see a tear trickling down his young friend’s face. Lex brushed it away attentively.
“I don’t know what to do with this,” Lex admitted. Their faces were still so close that their noses brushed against one another. “I want to protect you-“
”And I wanna protect you!” Clark interrupted. “Can’t we do that together?”
“We are together. Aren’t we? We talk about almost everything, we take care of each other, we go out… What more is there?”
“Cuddling.”
“We do that,” Lex pointed out with a smile. Clark hugged him around the neck.
”And kisses.”
“I think we’ve successfully added that to our repertoire without anything exploding.” Lex rested his chin on the nook between Clark’s shoulder and his neck.
“Hawt sexx0rz!”
“…I have no idea what that means.”
Clark shook in laughter. “I was mostly kidding anyway. It’s um…”
Lex pulled back slightly and looked at Clark’s rapidly reddening face. “I have HIV. And you need to stop hanging out on online message boards. They’re warping your mind.”
“Condoms exist, Lex.” Clark looked away, seeming vaguely uncomfortable. “I was… kidding. We don’t have to.”
Two fingers trailed down Clark’s hairline. “No, we don’t. Let’s just feel this out. Let it be what it is, just let it happen, and we’ll see where it goes.”
It was gratifying to see Clark’s face light up like that, as though the world had suddenly snapped into focus and become vivid and more wonderful. Lex mashed his lips together, hoping he wouldn’t regret this. He’d been weighing this ever since he talked with Dr. Yeh about his feelings. This could still go very badly, but as Clark had said before, no matter what happened, they cared about one another too much to cause deliberate hurts, and seeing Clark grow and change and become stronger every day made Lex realize that he was no longer waiting for Clark to come to his senses. Clark was there. And Lex was there. And no matter how fragile they both were, there was no good reason now to deny themselves this.
Lex moved in once more and kissed Clark passionately, feeling the young man out. Clark had clearly never kissed anyone before, so Lex moved his hands back behind Clark’s head and began guiding him. He slowly licked along Clark’s lips, and when they opened, he drew the bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently. Clark made a surprised noise, then a pleasant one.
Lex let go and gave him several more gentle kisses before deepening it, and amusingly, Clark made another happy noise when Lex’s tongue entered his mouth and began slipping against Clark’s.
When they finally stopped, panting and looking into one another’s eyes in amazement, the sun had almost set. Lex drew Clark into his lap, and the two of them sat there on the bridge, watching the sun go down, though Lex was spending more time watching Clark than the horizon.
“Maybe this will give you something different to dream about, when your nightmares turn to this bridge, hm?” Lex asked, slipping his arms around Clark’s waist.
Clark looked back with a boyish grin. He squeezed Lex’s arms and kissed the side of Lex’s face. “This is the best day ever, Lex.”
“You make all of my days better,” Lex replied seriously.
***
The next day directly after his session with Dr. Yeh, Lex hummed to himself as he hit the elevator button to Mercy’s apartment building. He and Clark had spent the night curled around each other in bed. This wasn’t a new development, of course, but it felt different to be sharing a bed with someone after having decided to go forward in a relationship. Yeh had given little to no reaction to this news; she’d been expecting it, but he’d thought that he might have caught her smirking ever so slightly as she drank her coffee and listened to him talk about their future plans.
Lex couldn’t wait for Clark to get his GED. He was so proud of that young man… his… something. Boyfriend? Significant other? He wasn’t sure what Clark was. But he was his.
This was different. Nice.
Lex wheeled out into the hallway of Mercy’s floor and headed for her door, which was open. The fans were going, and he peeked his head in to see the strong woman wearing a tank top with no bra, a little silver Star of David around her neck, and a pair of cut-off jeans as she scrubbed the walls. There were boxes everywhere, and her couch was gone. So was her television, DVD player, and the microwave in the kitchenette.
“Mercy?” Lex called. After a moment he realized she was listening to her iPod. The stereo was gone as well. He wheeled inside, dodging some stray items that hadn’t been packed yet, and tapped on her leg. She jumped and turned around as if to attack him.
“Fuck, Lex, you scared me!” She took her ear buds out and slipped them into her pocket with the black iPod. “I didn’t expect you here.”
“I tried to call, but the operator said your cell had been cut off,” Lex told her. He was starting to get worried. Was she leaving? What had his father done to her?
Mercy thinned her lips. “I’m just switching services. Sorry. I’ll give you a new number when I get it, okay?”
Lex raised a brow. If there was one skill he had learned from his father, it was how to read people who were clearly lying. He made a sweeping glance of the apartment. “I was going to ask for the handicapper van for another outing this weekend. We’re getting Lucas again if you can come along, but you seem pretty busy. Would you like for me to bring Clark over? We could help you clean.”
“Um… no, I’ve got it covered.” She turned back around to keep scrubbing.
Oh, Mercy. “When’s your move out date?”
“I… dammit, Lex!” She looked at him again sharply. He licked his lips, waiting for a real answer. “Wednesday. Okay? I’m moving. I’m not leaving you.”
“Where are you moving?”
“Is that really any of your business?” she snapped.
Lex stared back at her fiercely, reading her defensive posture. He took another look at the apartment. “Oh, god, Mercy. He fired you. My father fired you, didn’t he?”
She groaned and leaned against the kitchenette counter.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lex admonished.
She averted her eyes and scowled at the wall. “Because you need consistency from your healthcare professionals, and I’m not letting that asshole take that away from you. I can only imagine you trying to find a new nurse now. Lionel would get you someone you’d never listen to or who’d worked you too hard, and you’d be in worse pain than ever.”
“What happened? Did he call you in, and then just-“
“No, I went to see him two weeks ago, after what he did to you when you collapsed in your office. That was bullshit, Lex, and we all know it. He can’t go around undermining your autonomy, and I can’t let him. It’s my job to make sure you can be self-sufficient, and you feel like you can.” Her lips curled into a grimace, and she crossed her arms. “I wish he hadn’t fired me. I wish I hadn’t had to start pawning off my stuff, but I’d do it again.”
Lex covered his mouth and rubbed his upper lip. “Do you have a place to stay?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.”
“A place that isn’t your van,” Lex shot back tersely. Stubborn woman.
Mercy sighed.
“We have an extra room. Come live with us.”
“Since when do you have an extra room?” she asked skeptically.
Lex’s lips curved to the side.
She reared her head back. “Um… Clark?”
“Would be sleeping in my room currently. We can move his things in there to make space for you.”
Mercy’s eyes widened, and her nostrils flared. “You two? You’re-?! What are you thinking?!”
“I hadn’t really planned on telling you so soon. Tell me you didn’t think this might happen,” Lex said softly, but unapologetically. If he knew Mercy, she was more afraid of Lex getting hurt, and now possibly afraid of Clark getting hurt as well, than reacting to any sort of moral censure.
She sucked in her cheeks and rolled her eyes. “Well, I suppose now I need to keep a better eye on you. Make sure Clark doesn’t give you any more shiners.”
“That was an accident.” His tone carried a slight warning. He wheeled backwards and began to turn. “I’m going to go pick up Clark. We’ll have this place packed and cleaned as soon as possible.”
Mercy stepped forward, frowning. ”I can’t accept this. I just can’t.”
“It isn’t charity,” Lex informed her. “Physical therapy isn’t cheap. Consider room and board your pay until you can find a new place and more clients.”
“I won’t be finding any new clients in Metropolis. Lionel blacklisted me.”
Lex paused at the door. “He doesn’t have control everywhere. I’ll give you good references if you have to leave the area.”
Mercy slid down onto the floor and let the fan hit her face with cool air. “Thank you, Lex.”
***
Once there were three people working in tandem on Mercy’s apartment, it didn’t take too long to clean. Clark was a hard worker and tall enough to reach places without the ladder that neither Lex nor Mercy could. They had brought over a boom box, split up tasks, and begun working diligently to the music. Soon, Clark was swaying his hips to the beat as he scrubbed down a wall.
Lex chuckled from the kitchen as he caught sight of him. “Clark, your dancing skills leave much to be desired.”
“We can’t all be dancing queens,” Clark replied, not in the slightest ashamed. He snapped his fingers and wiggled his tush as he danced over to the opposite wall and began cleaning over there.
“Remind me one of these days to dig out those old videos of Lex dancing.” Mercy stood on her ladder, dusting the ceiling fan. “I’ve got some from the clubs that are pretty amazing. You won’t believe your eyes.”
“Remind me to make sure that you don’t,” Lex countered, focusing on cleaning the baseboards in the kitchen. He wasn’t as sensitive about his limitations as he used to be, but he doubted he needed a reminder of how much he missed dancing.
“Aw… I’d like to see that!”
Lex caught Clark grinning over at him from the corner of his eye. He sighed and scooted backward to continue cleaning along the wall. “Maybe.”
Clark pouted.
“Stop that!”
“Okay, okay. But I’d love to see you dance. I think it’d be fun.”
Lex paused and licked his lips. “I’d… rather not see it. I don’t mind if you do.”
Mercy and Clark exchanged a look then dropped the subject.
“Let me know when you want me to call the pizza place. You can order whatever you want,” Lex said as though the former conversation hadn’t happened.
”You know me. I’ll eat anything,” Clark answered cheerfully. “Any time… any where…”
Lex smiled and put his wrists into getting the baseboards clean. This was pretty gross, but he remembered Mercy complaining that the place hadn’t been cleaned before she got it, so it had probably been awhile since the nooks and crannies had any attention. He was definitely going to have to shower before they ate.
“Done over here!” Clark announced.
Mercy narrowed her eyes and looked over at the wall Clark had just cleaned top to bottom. “You could get a job housecleaning.”
“He’d look great in the maid’s outfit, too.” Lex looked over his shoulder to catch Clark’s reaction.
The young man laughed and made a little curtsey with his shirt. “I always helped around the house and the farm. I don’t mind cleaning! It makes me feel better to see things get all sparkly and tidy.”
Lex shook his head and dipped his rag back into the bowl. He gave it a squeeze and attacked the corner. “I feel that way too, but I wouldn’t say that I like to clean. It in fact disgusts me; so does filth, though, so I suppose cleaning it is.”
“You can cook; I’ll clean,” Clark decided. He looked around. “Okay, we’ve got the walls. Lex has the baseboards. Should I get the bathroom?”
“Have at it,” Mercy encouraged. She finished up with the ceiling fan then turned it on. “Ugh. I’m going to have to vacuum again.”
“I had no delusions we wouldn’t. Yiiick!” Lex curled up his lips and dropped the rag back into the bowl with a shudder. “Okay, this side is done.”
Mercy climbed down from the ladder. “Why don’t I get the rest of that, and you go call in the pizza? Remember I’m mushrooms and black olives.”
“Got it.” Lex pulled himself away from the wall and then got out his cell phone to order the pizzas. “You know, we should probably be able to get most of your stuff moved out tonight, if you’re willing to keep going. We can load up the van and my car for a couple of trips.”
“That would be nice, since I don’t have a bed here anymore.” Mercy knelt by the wall and began swiftly and furiously tackling the grime there. “Or air conditioning. Look, Lex, I can’t thank you enou-“
“Don’t mention it.” Lex shook his head and held up a finger while he ordered the pizzas and gave the address. Once he snapped his phone shut, he mounted his chair and looked over at Mercy again, who had deftly scuttled along the end of the wall and gotten another side done. “You are so much faster at that than I am.”
“You’re too much of a perfectionist. Well, anyway, beggars can’t be choosers.”
“They can and are, on occasion. You don’t need to feel indebted to me.” He wheeled over to where she knelt before the baseboards. “You’ve stuck by us, and you actually lost your job defending me. Wait, listen, Mercy, I know you said you’d do it again, but still-“ He shrugged. “It was a genuine thing to do.”
“You don’t treat me like one of the help, Lex. I not gonna act like I’m just a body for hire.” She sat back on her heels then looked back at him and pulled her keys out of her pocket. “Here, why don’t you start taking boxes down to the van? That way you don’t have to deal with my nasty apartment.”
Lex caught the keys and grinned. “I think I can handle that.”
“Lighter boxes over there.” Mercy got up and looked around. “Actually, let me load you up.”
Lex nodded and waited for her to choose which ones to go down first, wishing he could be more useful. He worked out regularly, mostly to make sure that he could lift himself when he needed to get in and out of his chair, but he wasn’t sure of his strength for lifting boxes. After she’d put several of them in his lap, Lex headed out to the elevator.
On his third trip down, he turned away from the van where he was unloading boxes to see Clark towering over him. His dopey expression made Lex smile.
“Yes?” Lex raised his brows at Clark, who swooped down to kiss him. Clark’s large hands fumbled around Lex’s face until he took them, threading his fingers through Clark’s as they shared several sloppy, open-mouthed kisses. Clark was still unsure, but eagerly responded to Lex’s touch as though he were the most diligent student of all time.
Lex let go of Clark’s hand and cupped the back of his head firmly, winding his fingers through the thick black hair. After a few more open kisses, Lex’s tongue began to explore, dragging across then under Clark’s upper lip and over his teeth before poking tentatively into Clark’s mouth. The younger man made a soft noise, accepting the tongue into his mouth and resting a hand on Lex’s thigh.
“Mmm.” Lex finally pulled away and licked his lips. Clark’s face was just incredibly red. Such an adorable country boy. “You wanted something?”
“Huh? Oh! Pizza’s here.”
“Ah, I see. Let me lock up the van, and we’ll go back up, hm?”
Clark’s hands were on his shoulders as he locked the van door, and when he turned to wheel back toward the building, Clark kissed his scalp several times before leaning their heads together and walking along side him. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but it was very sweet.
***
By the time they finished moving Mercy’s things over to Lex’s apartment, it was well into the wee hours of the morning, and the three of them were exhausted. Lex excused himself to get a shower before he had to head to work. Clark cleared a path for him through the boxes, then sprawled out on the couch with a yawn.
“Today is not gonna be fun for you.”
“No day at work is fun for me. This is the way most people live.” He could barely lift his arms, but he slowly managed to wheel to his room. There would be no calling in to work. Lionel wouldn’t stand for it, and Lex wouldn’t allow himself to falter before his father more than he already had.
After a quick shower, Lex dressed himself and went back out towards the kitchen to get his yogurt and pills. Almost immediately, he smelled waffles, bacon, and eggs cooking. Mercy poked her head through the doorframe.
“You hungry?”
“Am I ever? It smells good, though.” Lex wheeled into the kitchen to find Clark setting the table.
“You’ve got time,” Clark insisted. He leaned over for a quick kiss.
Lex could only smile in response. He was exhausted, but this was just too good. That morning he got a home cooked breakfast and a kiss goodbye from Clark. With minimal frowning from Mercy, of course.
If he could get used to this, he might end up fat and happy.
That evening when Lex got off of work, he decided that instead of grabbing some takeout from his favorite restaurant, he’d treat Clark and Mercy to dinner. They deserved it, and they could all do with the normalcy of a night out.
For a Tuesday, the place was a bit busy, and Clark looked a little overwhelmed as they entered. Lex took his hand and kissed it, then kept it as they headed to their table.
“Try to focus on us, Clark. On us. Like at the ice cream shop?”
Clark nodded and sat down. “I’ll try.”
Lex rubbed Clark’s leg under the table, and Mercy shook her head in resignation.
“Do you want to try that tea I was talking about?” Lex asked, looking into Clark’s eyes. He knew his boy could do this.
Clark leaned over Lex’s shoulder to read his menu. “Uh, sure. Bubble… tea?”
“Has tapioca in it.”
“Like that nasty pudding from Fairview?” Clark wrinkled his nose.
Mercy laughed. “It really isn’t that bad. Good tapioca pudding tastes kind of like vanilla, but these are just little gummies in the bottom.”
“Um...”
“If you don’t like them, you don’t have to eat them.”
Clark bit his lip thinking about it. Then leaned over and started to nibble along Lex’s neck. Lex laughed out loud.
“What? I can’t eat that?” Clark gave another lick.
“Not here, you can’t,” Lex protested halfheartedly.
Clark gave up and rested his chin on Lex’s shoulder. “Okay. I’ll try whatever you want.”
“Good.” Lex opened up the menu as the waiter came up. “We’ll have the beef and chicken fried rice for Clark-“
“And me, too,” Mercy put in. Lex smiled.
“-and the strawberry milk tea, green, with bubbles,” Lex continued. “For me, I’ll have the house special with tofu, broccoli, mushrooms, and sprouts… garlic brown sauce. Oh, and I’ll have the papaya milk tea, with bubbles.”
“Kiwi tea with bubbles,” Mercy finished, handing the waiter her menu and taking Clark’s as well.
Clark took Lex’s hand on the table, and Lex smiled back warmly.
“You look so tired,” Clark complained.
“I am so tired, but I’ll survive until we get home.”
Clark leaned over and met his lips with a brief kiss.
“You two got to stop being so cute,” Mercy admonished. “It’s hard for me to disapprove when you’re making Lex look so happy.”
Lex dipped his head. “You don’t have to disapprove.”
“It’s just hard to believe that after everything, this is actually working, y’know?” She toyed with her straw. “You two really deserve to have someone, though.”
Lex felt Clark’s dry lips on the back of his head and laughed.
***
“You look cute there,” Clark said, buffing his hair with a towel as he walked out of the bathroom.
Lex scoffed. “I’m just lying here.”
“Looking cute. And small.” Clark tossed the towel at the hamper and dropped down onto the bed. Then he flopped over and laid his head on Lex’s abdomen. “And cute.”
There was something about looking down at Clark from this angle that made Lex’s insides turn to slush. It just twinged then went loose, and he couldn’t say anything at all, only thread his fingers through Clark’s soft curls and look down on him, mesmerized by the precious, fragile creature before him. They were both so fragile, prone to unraveling at any moment.
“Don’t look so sad, Lex,” Clark whispered, reaching up to brush the back of his hand against Lex’s cheek.
“I love you so much.”
Clark raised a brow. “That’s not something you should be frowning about.”
Lex sighed. “Come lay next to me. I’m tired, and I really need to get rest for work tomorrow. If my performance starts to slack, my father will no doubt retaliate somehow.”
“Clark Kent Body Pillow, it is.” Clark grinned and pulled himself straight then cuddled into Lex’s side. “Good?”
“Wonderful.” Lex reached over and pulled the lamp chain. He felt Clark’s hand move onto his hip, and he smiled in the darkness.
***
That Friday morning, the doors of Lex’s office opened as he wheeled onto the pressure pad. To his surprise, both Lionel and Martha were waiting there for him. Lionel was leaning idly on his desk, and Martha was looking out the window with her arms crossed. The sunlight streamed in harshly, casting the woman’s features into severity. She appeared quite old in that light, and Lionel, as ever, looked the predator, his nose sharply cut and his twisted lips pulled tight with malignant patience. Ready to begin tearing vulnerable and pliant flesh from the bones of his crippled prey. Both turned to him when he entered. Martha began walking towards him.
“Do what do I owe the pleasure of a family reunion in my office?” Lex asked guardedly.
Martha didn’t stop walking. She approached him swiftly, then drew her hand behind her head and slapped him clean across the face before he could even begin to wheel backward.
“You pervert! You sick, sick man!” she shrieked. Lionel swooped in behind her and her back.
“What the fuck?” Lex demanded, holding his hand over his mouth. His lip was bleeding. He hoped he gave the bitch AIDS.
“You know. He’s just a baby!” she spat, curling her lips in repulsion.
Lionel tightened his grip on his wife. “Martha, you are going to have to calm down, or I’ll have to ask you to wait outside.”
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to get a tissue.” Lex glared at the both of them as he wheeled towards his desk.
Lionel released Martha, and she stalked to the other side of the room, her face scrunched and ugly. He pulled out a folder and waited until Lex had pressed a tissue to his bleeding lip to hand it to him. Lex took the folder with the other hand and opened it.
There were pictures of Clark and himself. Together. Eating ice cream, laughing together. He swallowed tensely. Remain calm. You haven’t done anything wrong, and they have no proof that you did.
“You slapped me for being friendly with your son,” Lex said in disbelief. Lionel pulled out another picture and set it on top of the pile. God, Lionel was so predictably boring in his villainy. This one was from yesterday, when Clark had nibbled on his neck in the restaurant. Lex licked his lips, tasting the blood, and looked up at Lionel. “Is that all you’ve got? Let’s not draw this out.”
“This is unnatural, Lex. He’s your brother,” Lionel scolded in a loud voice.
“He’s Clark Kent. I’m Lex Luthor. We are not related, and I admit to nothing, so long as all you have is pictures of Clark and I playing around.” Lex slapped the folder down on the desk.
Martha turned and pleaded, “Lionel?”
Lionel crossed his arms and shook his head. “You’re fired.”
Lex blinked in disbelief.
“I know that you are pursuing a relationship with Clark, and I cannot permit behavior like this out of members of my family or my company.” He leaned on the intercom. “Michelle, please come up here, and bring a box.” Martha came up next to him, and Lionel put his arm around her. “We’re both very disappointed, Lex.”
“You cannot fire me for this,” Lex protested. His voice sounded hollow. His body felt numb.
Michelle walked in with a box. “Sir?”
“Clean out the desk, Michelle.”
The woman pushed out a lip and cocked her brow; then she looked to Lex and walked around to the other side of the desk. Lex opened his mouth and widened his eyes. This was really happening.
“You cannot fire me for this,” Lex repeated. Michelle stopped for a moment and slipped her hand into her pocket. A sharp look from Lionel caused her to resume her task. “You can’t fire me for having a relationship with Clark. I’ve done good work for this company! I’ve smoothed feathers that you ruffled, I’ve dodged legal issues for this company’s negligence, and I’ve single-handedly prevented two employee uprisings!”
“So you admit you have a relationship with him?”
“I don’t believe this.” Lex turned his head and watched as Michelle emptied out his desk.
“Believe it, Lex. I hope you’ve gotten what you wanted with Clark because you can consider yourself repudiated from both this family and my company.”
“You’re never seeing Lucas again, you… Oh, God, I let him hug my boy!” Martha buried her face into Lionel’s chest. He petted her hair comfortingly.
Michelle set the box in Lex’s lap and looked around for any other personal belongings in the office. The three Luthors hardly noticed her. She returned a second later and began pushing Lex out.
“No… no, I can’t lose this job! Stop!” Lex put his hands on wheels. Michelle waited for a moment. “Dad, listen to me. Clark and I haven’t done anything.”
Lionel pulled out a CD. “I could show you this, but I don’t think that I have to. It’s of you and Clark having a little make out session in front of Mercy Grave’s old apartment building.”
Lex shook his head, his eyes wide and frantic. “Dad-“
“Don’t bother calling me that anymore.” Lionel looked up as two security guards came into the room and looked down on Lex apologetically.
“Mr. Luthor,” Stan said hesitantly. “Can… you just go quietly?”
“I’ve got him, Stan,” Michelle said. She spared a look back at Lionel Luthor, who was still comforting his wife.
Lex sat there, his arms around the sad little box with all of his personal possessions as Michelle and the guards saw him out of the building. How could this be happening to him again?
***
The bar on the corner had always been there. Lex had just never wheeled himself inside after work, concerned both for accessibility and getting into the habit and expense of drinking in public. As he’d thought, there was a large step down to get to the bar and no ramp. So he looked around and wheeled himself over to a table, hoping someone would come over.
Within twenty minutes, a college-aged girl, probably going to Met U came up to him and shifted her weight onto one leg. “Hey, sweetie. Can I getcha anything? You need a menu, or are you gonna meet some friends here?”
“No, I’m alone. Can I get a scotch neat?”
Her murky green eyes honed in on him. Lex felt like he was being peeled open like an egg. “Kinda early, isn’t it?”
Lex set the box in his lap on the table and tapped it. “I just got fired. I think it’s right about time.”
“Omigod! That’s really low!” the girl cried. It was sweet, but Lex could see her eyes drifting to his stumps. Who would dare fire a cripple?
He sat there for a while, alone. Drinking his scotch. Counting his pills. Trying to find some way that this blow wouldn’t ultimately destroy him and Clark. He knew he should know by now not to try to think logically when he was drinking; he kept going around in circles. Lex had no job. He still had Clark’s Power of Attorney, but the court could take that away if they deemed Lex unfit to care for him. Clark needed care, needed his meds to stay sane. Meds, therapy, food, and shelter had to be paid for. Assistance barely covered Lex’s needs, getting it for Clark too… Lex needed a job. But he didn’t have a job, and Lionel would keep him from getting a job. They could take Clark away and put him in another asylum-
A hand touched Lex’s shoulder, and only then did he realize he had been rocking back and forth frenetically. A familiar heart-shaped face tilted and smiled sympathetically at him.
“Hey, Daize.” Lex looked up at the woman with a watery smile. She pulled a chair over for herself and leaned on her hand. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
“Oh? Yeah, well I got a new job. With a video editing company… are you okay? I mean… I guess it’s happy hour somewhere, but you don’t look happy.”
“Lost my job,” he said shortly, then took another drink.
Daize winced. She touched his shoulder gently again and gave it a rub.
“I’m really fucked,” Lex told her, hearing the tears in his own voice. He lowered his head, ashamed, and covered his eyes with one hand.
Daize raised her hand and ordered a drink from the waitress. “My company doesn’t work on Fridays,” she explained. “Wanna tell me what happened?”
Lex didn’t know why he’d told her this much, but… slowly the words began to tumble out of his mouth, becoming more slurred as he went along until he’d unleashed his entire burden and there was nothing left in him to tell.
***
Lex woke to the sound of Clark crying out his name. He blinked and looked around himself. He was in his apartment. Clark was hugging him.
“Michelle called us hours ago! Where the hell have you been?” Mercy demanded. Lex blinked and sat there limply in his chair.
“He was at the bar.” Daize walked forward, taking a look around at the construction and design of his apartment. “Now he’s home. Does anything else matter?”
Clark’s voice came muffled through his sweater. “I was worried.”
“I know, baby,” Lex muttered, stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry, Clark. So sorry.” He bowed over, his hands touching the sides of Clark’s face, and the younger man wrapped his arms around Lex’s neck.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault. Please, Lex, don’t be sad.”
Daize put her hands in her pockets uncomfortably.
Clark continued murmuring to him, “It’s gonna be okay…”
“No, it’s not going to be okay!” Lex snapped bitterly, looking up at him. “It isn’t.”
“Is, isn’t, let’s get you to bed,” Mercy said flippantly.
Lex wheeled backward obstinately.
“C’mon, Lex. You’re drunk and upset, and you know you can’t think clearly right now, so let me put you to bed-“
Lex turned his chair sharply and wheeled his way into his room, then slammed the door and locked it.
Daize’s voice floated in, “Well, that went great. For your next trick, I guess you stab him and tell him he’s not bleeding.”
“Who the hell are you?” Mercy demanded.
“I’m an ex-video clerk.”
“Get out of here.”
“Get over yourself. Hang on, I’m going to write down my number for Lex.”
“Can’t he just call the video store?”
Clark growled. “Shuddaaaaap!” He began pounding on the door. “Lex, don’t do this to yourself, please? Please?”
Hearing Clark beg like that hurt, especially knowing what Clark was so afraid of. “Damn me,” he muttered, turning and unlocking the door. He did not open it, however, and simply wheeled over to his bed, lifted himself and threw himself down on it. He didn’t move.
Lex knew that the exhaustion he was feeling wasn’t real. It was avoidance, pure and simple. He just didn’t want to get up and face his life, his failure, his… Clark. Out there. Probably smiling and making the best of it. Saying things would all be okay. Little optimist.
But Lex also knew that Clark’s smiles wouldn’t last if he couldn’t get a job or find the money to pay for Clark’s medication. There would be no GED. No college. No future. He’d lose himself again, and then Lex would lose him forever.
All Lex wanted to do was lie there and sleep for the rest of his life.
The next time he opened his eyes, there was a hand on his back, rubbing gently, and someone speaking soft words of adoration into his ear. It was Clark, and he curled up next to Lex and lay with him for a while.
“I’m sorry, Clark.”
“You aren’t a paycheck to me, Lex. I don’t care if you got fired.”
“I can’t take care of you without LuthorCorp’s insurance,” Lex muttered, curving his face back into the pillow.
Clark kissed the back of his head. “We’ll find a way. We all will. You’ll see, Lex. Just get up with me, and we’ll take a shower. You’ll feel better, and we can have dinner. You need your pills.”
“I can’t afford those either.”
“We’ll find a way.”
“I’m sorry I can’t just believe that it’ll all magically work out, Clark,” Lex snapped. He grabbed a cover and pulled it over his head.
“I didn’t mean magic. I meant, like… welfare. If a schizo and a paraplegic don’t qualify for assistance, who does?”
Lex dug out of the pile of pillows and looked up at Clark with strained and puffy eyes. The younger man leaned down and gave him a kiss, which had to be a bit disgusting since Lex hadn’t been out of bed to brush his teeth in a while.
“Shower?” Clark offered.
“What would I do without you?”
“Probably not get fired for being gay. This isn’t all your fault. Lionel shouldn’t be allowed to do that.” Clark gave him another rub on the back and presented him with a bottle of water and a handful of pills. Lex sat up and watched him uncertainly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize!” Clark sighed in frustration. “You’re still you, and I still love you, and we’re all going to get through this together, okay? You don’t have to believe it, but I do.”
Lex downed a few pills and started thinking. He did have some money squirreled away, but between the two of them and their medical, it wouldn’t last long. They might have three months before he was completely broke. Maybe.
“I called my mom, who, by the way, I’m never speaking to again. I can’t believe she’s behaving this way… well I can, but the way she acts just isn’t excusable, I’m sorry. I know you wanted me to try to keep her as part of my family.”
Lex frowned. “You… wait. You called her, and…?”
“I told her what Lionel is doing to you is wrong, and I asked her to not hold our relationship against you, but she was being totally irrational. I couldn’t talk to her. She’s a total homophobe, and she doesn’t love me enough to listen, so we fought.” Clark caressed the back of Lex’s head. “The only real regret I have there is that I don’t think Mom will ever let you see Lucas again, and that hurts the both of you. I haven’t called my dad yet, but I will, and I’m gonna ask him for advice. He was totally positive on us getting together.”
“Your father is an amazing man.”
Clark nodded and took Lex into his arms. “We’ll work something out.”
“And he raised an amazing son. I… I know seeing me like this scares you. I know the threat of my self-extinction looms over the both of us… and it’s taken so long for me to get this far. I can’t promise that I’m going to get better quickly.”
“Lex, you don’t have to.” Clark kissed his forehead and rubbed his huge hands over Lex’s shoulders.
Lex shook his head. “I promised to stay with you...” He took one of Clark’s hands in his own, threading their fingers together. “And no matter what, I will keep that promise. You once said we had a destiny together. You make my days worth living, and I won’t give my father the satisfaction of getting rid of me now that we’ve found this together.”
Hearing Lex’s resolution to fight, a smile spread wide on Clark’s dry, pink lips. Lex stared at him intensely, then mouthed the words “love you,” before he pressed his head into Clark’s broad chest and stayed there in the warmth of his embrace, feeling sleepy again. He still didn’t want to move, but now the desire to stop all function was mingled with his desire to simply be with Clark. If nothing else, he thought that this desire might fuel him. It had been so long since he had wanted anything this badly.