Fic: You Make Me Sick, dark AU Clex
(tenative) Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clana, Clex
Rating: PG13, later NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark. WIP (because I need more WIP in my life)
Clark woke up strapped to a bed.
It wasn’t a cold, stiff bed in that horrible hospital Fairview. Actually, it was a queen size, very soft, with dark blue silk sheets. The air was nice and warm, too. Aside from the restraints and the fuzzy sensation in his head, he felt pretty good.
“Hello?” Clark called. He narrowed his eyes and tried to look around the room. It was a pretty big room, painted in a calming blue, and the shades were drawn open, but the lights were dimmed. His cries grew more plaintive. “Hello? Is anyone here?”
He continued for several minutes before resting back on the pile of pillows at the top of bed and staring up at the ceiling. Then he decided to snap the bonds with his super-strength.
“Ugh!” He twisted left and right futilely. Funny, he didn’t feel Kryptonite… “Arrrgghh!”
“Oh, for fucks’ sakes, stop that, you idiot.”
Clark rolled his head over to look for where the terse, lifeless voice had come from. He opened his eyes wide, realizing that Lex was rolling toward his bed from an open door.
“Why are you keeping me here?” Clark demanded. Lex lifted his chin in aggravation.
“Would you rather have that psycho doctor drill a hole in your head?”
“The treatment!” Clark tensed in fear, suddenly remembering the drill slowly closing in on his unprotected temple and Lana smiling blithely behind the glass. He looked around the room. Still not Fairview. He doubted Fairview even had rooms this nice. “It didn’t happen?”
“I showed up to see you choking the doctor. Under the circumstances, it’s really the sanest thing you’ve done in years.”
“I’m not crazy!”
“Then snap those restraints, little brother,” Lex sneered. Clark proceeded to struggle against them again. The bald man sighed and rubbed his broad forehead. “Why did I save you? I could have let him lobotomize you, and you’d be perfectly on the level with that simpering girlfriend of yours.”
“Lana is an angel. She’s a wonderful girlfriend!”
“Lana fell from a bridge when she was eight, hit her head on a rock, and has been a little slow every since. Her aunt Nell has to make sure she doesn’t wander off the farm because people will take advantage of her.” Lex rolled closer. “How’s your head?”
“I thought they didn’t do the surgery?”
“Well, no, but I consulted a psychiatrist who isn’t complete fuckjob, and she has you on a whole new medication regimen.”
“You’re drugging me?!”
“They were drugging you before, nitwit.”
“Yeah.” Clark’s voice broke. His eyes shifted around, looking for a way out of this place. He wondered why Lex Luthor would give him such a soft bed. Surely he’d just strap him up in a dungeon somewhere?
“I’ve had your medications switched and the dosage lowered significantly. Hopefully this round won’t make you so paranoid. I think Lionel… the medication they had you on couldn’t have been helping. It was probably just keeping you out of the way. Now that he’s legally your father, he can pretty much sign off on any kind of treatment he wants.”
“Can you let me out of these?”
“No,” Lex said flatly. He stared at Clark coldly for a long time, until Clark became uncomfortable with his exacting gaze and turned away. He heard Lex’s wheelchair turning around, and the bald man left him.
***
“Where are we, Lex?”
“My penthouse.” Lex leaned to the side of his chair and watched Clark with unreadable, intense eyes. Lex did that quite a bit. And it unnerved him.
Clark’s nurse leaned over and offered him a spoonful of applesauce. Clark grimaced. He’d always hated being spoon-fed. And this woman didn’t exactly have a caring touch.
“Why am I here? Are you going to experiment on me?”
Lex rolled his eyes. “All of my evil secret labs are currently full. You’ll have to settle for my guestroom.”
Mercy grabbed Clark’s mouth and forced his jaw open. He had no choice but to take the applesauce.
“It’s probably in your best interests not to resist Mercy. She’s both a nurse and my personal trainer.”
Clark swallowed hard. “Why do you need a personal trainer?”
Lex tensed his mouth into a displeased pucker. “I was in need of more upper body strength.”
“Eat,” Mercy ordered. Clark opened his mouth and did as she said. He suspected that tall, strong woman with short black hair could snap him in half, if she chose. And if Lex weren’t watching so closely. Clark wondered if there were cameras in the room.
Later a doctor came by to check him out. He let the pretty Asian woman shine a light in his eyes and talk to Lex about his blood pressure and other chemical things. When she tried to take his blood, Clark jerked away from her so hard that the needle got stuck in his arm.
“I don’t know what you’ve done to take away my powers, Lex! But I’ll get you for this!”
Lex’s eyes twitched angrily. “Put him under, and do whatever tests you need. I want his medication under control, Dr. Yeh.”
“I-I’ll get you…”
“I’m sure you will.” Lex sighed and left again.
***
Clark woke again to feel his mother’s hand on his cheek. “Mom?”
“Oh, sweetie!” She leaned over and gave him a light kiss.
“Why are you letting Lex do this to me?” he pleaded. His mother sighed and continued to caress his face.
“Oh, Clark. Lex has done everything he could to keep you out of Fairview. He was outraged when he found out what Dr. Hudson was doing! Lionel was just as horrified, as well. We’re having that Fairview place shutdown for gross malpractice.”
Clark gave her wide, entreating puppy eyes. “Please, Mom… let me go. It’s the Luthors, Mom. They’re the ones doing this to me.”
“I wish they didn’t have to do this, Clark. But if you have an episode, Lex just can’t handle you on his own. I’m really amazed that he’s able to take on this much, bless him. He’s always seemed so depressed… especially after the s- well, I’ve only known him since…”
“Since the bridge? When I saved him?”
Martha turned her head and tried to hide her tears. “Sweetie…”
“He… I saved him, Mom! He would have died on that bridge! I saved him… I had to. I had to. I had to!!”
“Why don’t you try to relax, hon? If you do, this can get better. And I can see you without the restraints. It’ll be so wonderful, if you just try. You can get your life back…”
“Lex isn’t going to let that happen! He’ll drag me down to the lab…” Clark trailed off, feeling the uselessness of his words. His mother continued to stroke his hair, and when he stopped struggling, she smiled at him and began to chat with him about her day and the charity projects she was involved in. She was smiling, but there were tight lines around her eyes.
He tried to smile back and keep up his end of the conversation. He would have to escape from this place on his own.
***
Dr. Yeh came in once a day to listen to him talk and to discuss his condition. She never belittled his “heritage” or told him that his birth-father was soap. She did however tell him that his obsession with Lex was unhealthy and might not be strictly the result of his neurological disorder.
“And you might think on that, Clark. I feel as though you’re hearing me more. Is it easier to concentrate now?”
“Yeah…” Clark was hesitant. Lex Luthor kept people in dungeons underground and tortured them. He was building an army of mutants for some reason. He would cut Clark open if he had the chance. Why would he give him drugs that made him feel better?
“The medication you were on previously likely made you very irritable and caused more hallucinations, rather than controlling your psychosis. Your anxiety levels should continue to decrease. You already seem much calmer and more rational. I’d like to start you on cognitive behavioral therapy soon. Lex will be pleased.”
“I’m sure he will,” Clark replied with a bit of an edge.
Her black eyes creased into a disapproving scowl. But as always, she kept her comments professional. “Let me know if you are having any ill side effects. Lex wouldn’t like that.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t.”
She stood abruptly and moved to leave. “You’re going to have to face your issues sooner or later, Clark. But for today, we are finished.”
Sometimes after their sessions he felt like she wanted to tell him something, but she held back because she thought he needed to get it for himself.
***
Life as Lex’s captive wasn’t as harrowing as Clark had imagined. Actually, it was pretty damn boring, and after a while, he got bored enough to chat when Lex came by to stare at him.
“So how’s your love life? Trap any young girls into marrying you?”
“Fewer than you’d think,” Lex replied dryly. He was always dry, or sarcastic. Mostly bitter.
”I know you don’t like it, Clark, but I have a girlfriend now. Try to be happy for me. It’s not like this kind of thing happens to me everyday.”
Clark sat sullenly across from the table at Lex. The older man raised his brows haplessly. The guards glared at them. “I’d figure you had a different girl every night.”
Lex gave a short, humorless laugh. “Fewer than you’d think. I’m not exactly a millionaire playboy. I’m more of a science geek that likes to dance.” He paused to rub a finger over his lips. “Liked to dance. Heh. Women aren’t attracted to bald and nerdy in any case. Who is? But she’s different. I think. I want to believe Helen likes me. Maybe she just feels sorry for me.”
“I don’t know why anyone would feel sorry for you, Lex. I figure, if anyone can decide who they wanted to be, it would be you,” Clark said earnestly.
Lex’s expression was a mix of irritation and confusion.
“Where did you meet her?”
“Metropolis General. She was on my case after the accident. We’ve kept in touch since then.” Lex bowed his head shyly. “I think this could be something. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. It’s hard to think my life could change for the better because of one person.”
Clark reached across the table and grabbed Lex’s hand jealously. “You have a destiny, Lex. Just don’t let her get in the way of that.”
”So they tell me.”
“You’re going to do great things. We both are. Together.”
Lex’s mouth twisted into a bitter, sideways gash on his face. “We’ll see if I have it in me to keep my job and a normal life. It feels crazy. I think I might be hopeful about this.”
Clark grinned. “You can do anything, Lex.”
“Helen…” Clark frowned a little at Lex. The man looked up and narrowed his eyes. “Did she exist? Was there really a Helen Bryce?”
“Yes. There is a Helen Bryce.”
“Oh. You’re married?”
Lex snorted. “No, I’m not married.”
“I thought you married Helen? Not for long, but-“
“I never married anyone. I started dating Helen a few months after the accident. She worked on my case at Metropolis General. When I started to spend more time with her, you started to call her Desirée and told me she had evil powers that made men want her.” Lex smirked. “Then you set her on fire. In your fantasy world. But we were still going out for several more months. I was thinking of proposing, but it turned out that she was cheating on me. With multiple guys. Lionel thinks she was probably planning a dine and ditch.”
“A… what?”
”After ten years of marriage you get half your partner’s belongings. Thus, marry a rich man… divorce him ten years later…”
“That sucks!”
“Well, she couldn’t stand to be with me for that long, I’m sure. She certainly shivered enough when we were in bed together.” His listless look dropped as his lips spread into a twisted grin. “After that you had me send her down on a plane over the Atlantic. But she’s still very much alive.”
“Oh.” Clark wiggled, trying to sit up a little, but it was impossible. “We were friends before?”
“I don’t know that you’d call us friends. Well, maybe you would have. Legendary friendship or whatever.” His voice sounded detached. His face had reverted to an emotionless mask.
”But... you did come to visit me.”
Lex nodded.
Clark frowned and widened his eyes forlornly. “How come?”
The other man seemed repelled by the expression, rolling backward a little before considering an answer. He shrugged. “Our therapists thought… it would be mutually beneficial if we tried to communicate with each other… Under controlled circumstances, of course.”
“Was it? Mutually beneficial?”
“It seemed to be. For awhile.” Lex sighed and ran a cupped hand over his smooth bald head. “For you.”
“Oh,” Clark muttered dejectedly.
“You seemed to be getting better,” Lex whispered, just loud enough for Clark to hear. “Then… you just starting pulling this ‘heritage’ out of nowhere. You decided that I was crazy. Started up again with these stories about Indian caves… and then I…”
“And?” Clark looked at him eagerly.
“No. And nothing. I think… I don’t know, but I think that when you came up with the stories about me… my father drugging me to cause hallucinations and have me locked up against my will… You were aware of what he was doing. He had your medication changed around that time. I didn’t know. But I think you were trying to tell us with that.” Lex shook his head. “We should have seen it…”
“I don’t think so. I mean the doctors were in on it.”
“There aren’t many people willing to speak up against my father. By we, I mean I. I should have realized the change in you was too sudden. Something had to cause it.”
“You’re not a psychiatrist, Lex. You’re not responsible for me.”
“No, I am. I was just too… self-involved to see what you were trying to tell me.” Lex arched his back and shifted uncomfortably. Clark moved to reach out to him but was caught fast. He’d forgotten for a second about the binding separating them. Lex stared at Clark’s hand as though it were a bizarre foreign object.
“I think… you had a good reason to be preoccupied.”
Lex started to say something but held back. He raked his eyes over Clark laying in the bed, dressed in designer hospital jammies.
“Lex?”
“What?” he asked defensively.
“Was… did I make up Julian?”
Lex took a deep breath, puffed out his cheeks, and blew the air out slowly with a little hiss. “No, Clark, you didn’t make that up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
***
When Mercy came in to unfasten his restraints, Clark was extremely surprised. He tensed his body in preparation, and when she had stepped back from the bed, he began to leap up to run out of the room and claim his freedom.
But he fell right back on the bed.
“You’ve been flat on your back for weeks, super boy. Before that they had you drugged in a cell. I’d be surprised if you could walk properly, let alone take me.” She stood with her feet at shoulder’s width and held her hands behind her back. She looked more like the hired muscle than a nurse of any kind.
“Ugh.” Clark struggled to sit up. He felt sore all over. Mercy leaned over and helped him into a sitting position.
“I’m going to set up a mat over there, and we’re going to start getting you back in shape.”
“That should be fun,” Clark muttered sarcastically as she heaved him to his feet. “Are you going to work with both me and Lex?”
“At the same time? Hell, no. If he even suggested it I would refuse.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Clark wobbled on his feet. He’d never felt so weak before. Even when he’d been poisoned by Kryptonite. “Why would you refuse?”
“Because when he tried to visit you in the hospital last year, you flipped out on him and hit him in the face multiple times. Screaming about tests or something.” She shoved him onto the mat. “He was nursing a fractured skull for over a month. Really fucked up my work schedule.”
Clark sat on the mat abruptly.
“I like Lex. He’s damn broke down, but I like the guy. He was one of my first patients. And one of my favorites.” Her round hazel eyes turned into narrow slits.
“Mercy-“
“Shut up. The second time he went to see you, with the broken head mind, you got away from the guards and choked him. Bruised his windpipe. Like he needs more medical shit to worry about right now.” She shook her head and tossed him a shirt and a pair of shorts to work out in. “You’re a crazy fuck, Clark Kent. And I don’t know what Lex sees in you, but I’m not letting the two of you in a room together unless your loony ass is restrained.”
He looked at the clothes in his hands.
“Besides, I’m sure between you two whiny bitches I’d snap and kill you both. Get dressed. We’ll start with stretches.”
Clark watched her as he peeled off the dirty bedclothes. Even when she turned from him, she didn’t seem particularly worried he might hurt her or escape. He leaned forward to take a look at the door.
“Don’t even think about it. You can’t get past me. You aren’t getting out of here to hurt Lex again.” She took a swig of her own water bottle and came over to sit beside him.
“What if I just want to get out of here?” He pulled the tank top on.
“Not happening, buddy. Okay. Follow me, okay?”
Clark nodded and raised an arm over his head for a basic stretch.
***
The days started to blend into one another. Breakfast, training, therapy, lunch. Lex would drop by sometime in the afternoon after Mercy came in to make sure that Clark was restrained. When his mother came by, Lex wouldn’t visit him that day. Clark sometimes saw his mother’s face and felt let down. He still loved her, but she was very much Lionel Luthor’s wife. Obedient, loyal, and oblivious. It was stressful to talk to her.
“God, what would my dad say,” Clark muttered. He sat cross-legged on the bed looking down at the restraints on his wrists and ankles. Mercy had brought in longer ones so he could move around a little bit. He still couldn’t get out of them. He’d tried.
“A string of curses directed at the entire Luthor line,” Lex answered certainly. “I haven’t seen him in a while, but he’s really not the type to change his mind.”
“Wait… my dad is alive?” Clark asked hopefully, searching Lex’s eyes with interest.
“Yep.”
“Then why doesn’t he visit me?”
“Because he hates me. Well,” Lex jerked his eyebrows and shrugged. “Actually, I have no idea. He stopped visiting you in Fairview a long time ago.”
“He still work at the farm?”
Lex shook his head. “He lost the farm shortly after your mom got married to my father. He works for McNally, I think. Drinks a lot… not that I’m one to throw stones on that front.”
“Oh.” Clark looked down again.
“I… maybe it was too hard for him to keep visiting you. It’s pretty difficult to keep seeing someone you care deeply about get worse and worse. Just watching and knowing that you are powerless to make them whole again. I think that might be why loved ones leave you on your own.”
That made sense. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Mm.”
“Maybe… I can go see him sometime…” Clark looked sideways. Lex pushed his lips inward and looked sympathetic.
“Maybe. When Yeh says it’s okay.” Lex frowned. “He looks different. I mean, be prepared, Clark. He isn’t the father you knew.”
“Nobody is the person I knew. You’re not even the person I knew. Well… you’re kind of a person I thought I once knew. But then I thought you were different. If that makes… no that doesn’t make sense.”
Lex almost cracked a smile. “I don’t expect it to. If you can recognize the not-sense-making, it’ll be enough.”
“I’m trying to.”
Lex nodded supportively.
***
Lex had actually visited Clark less since starting him in training and therapy, but he came by regularly as clockwork. So when one afternoon, Lex didn’t appear, Clark was a little concerned. Both for Lex and for himself.
He figured he was developing some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.
He was a little shy about asking Mercy or Yeh where Lex was the first day. After all, Lex didn’t have any obligation to visit him. The purpose of the villain’s visit was usually to gloat… and maybe to reveal a crucial secret that would enable Clark’s escape, but Lex hadn’t been doing any of that. After the third day, however, Clark was beginning to get anxious.
“Uh… Mercy? Do you know where Lex has been?”
“Yes,” she said flatly. Clark winced as the strong woman pushed his leg over his head.
”So… ow!”
”Concentrate, wonder girl.”
“Where is he?”
“Hold this.” She began to count, holding his legs in place. Clark took a deep breath. He really hated yoga.
Later that day he asked Dr. Yeh as well, and she asked him why it was so important for him to know Lex’s whereabouts.
“I’m just curious. He hasn’t been here in days, and he’s usually… you know, right on the dot.”
“I think you’re deflecting here. We should be talking about you and your problems. Not where Lex is,” her dark eyes cut into him. He sometimes fancied that she was possessed by a black oil brought to life by Kryptonite. Or maybe she was a clone of Milton Fine.
“I can’t be worried about another person?”
“Where do you think he is?” She crossed her legs at the knee and sat back, eyeing him in that way that made him feel as though he were on the autopsy table.
“He could be hurt. Someone could have shot him. Or abducted him. Or…” Clark frowned. “I’m not crazy. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Abducted by whom?” she asked in a leading tone.
Clark sighed in irritation. “Not by aliens. People get abducted by regular people. And Lionel Luthor isn’t a nice guy. And he has money. Someone could have done something…”
“Lex hasn’t been abducted or harmed, I assure you.” She balanced her pencil between two fingers. “Why is it so important to you that Lex not be hurt? Let’s talk about that.”
“I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to know where he is.”
“In your delusions, you often put ‘Lex’ as a character in dangerous situations from which he needed to be saved by you. In truth, only you could save him. Meteor freaks, murderous women, his father, even your own friends. Why is that?”
“That’s not true. I couldn’t always save him. I didn’t save him from Helen on the plane.”
“Hm.”
“What?”
“Exactly.”
“No!” Clark groaned. “What does that mean? Hm?”
“Why didn’t you save him, Clark?” she asked, setting her hands in her lap and looking at him fairly sympathetically.
“I couldn’t… Jor-El-“
“Yes, but why couldn’t you? This is your sandbox. You’ve been realizing that many of the things that you believe were true are actually part of a large delusionary world, which you have created for yourself. These delusions have their own meaning. You need to know what they are.”
Clark stood and began to pace around the room.
“Let me ask you this: you gave powers to Lex. What were those powers?”
“Um…” Clark thought for a moment. “He’s really intelligent.”
“I don’t know that you gave that to him,” Yeh smirked a little. “He has quite a few degrees in science under his belt. And is about to complete another. Not that he’s using them much at the moment.”
“Oh.” He walked over to the window and looked out of it. He could see the LuthorCorp tower from here… but the skyline was very beautiful in spite of it. It occurred to him that, if he could fly… “And he heals really fast.”
“Yes. Is that all he can do?”
“And he doesn’t get sick. Ever. It’s like he has a super immune system.”
Yeh nodded. “And what do you think the symbolism of those powers are?”
“Um… I don’t know.”
Yeh sucked on her lips and looked very displeased. “Try. Why do you need to save him? Why would you give him healing powers? Why would you give him an immune system?”
“I don’t know!” Clark shouted, turning abruptly from the window. Yeh straightened her body and stared at him impassively.
“This is a process, Clark. You have to try.” She pulled off her glasses, folded them, and slid them into her pocket. “I won’t push you. You pick the next topic.”
Clark turned back to the window. He pressed his fingertips up against the glass and felt the unpleasant, familiar sensation of vertigo. He’d never realized how high up the penthouse was. How far he had to fall.
***
Clark felt his hopes rise as Mercy came in and brandished the restraints. He sat still and obediently for once, waiting for her to secure him. He watched her affix the keys back to her belt before trotting out of the room. His chest tightened when he heard the door open again.
“Clark!” Lana squealed. She ran up to the bed and threw her arms around him. She beamed and sat on the bed and twisted her fingers in excitement. “I’m so glad you’re alright. It’s so wonderful of Lex to take you in, isn’t it?”
“It’s not bad. Better than Fairview.”
”I can’t believe that doctor was really going to hurt you,” she said, sounding amazed and breathless. Clark wondered if she had been running around in circles somewhere.
“You were standing right there. Didn’t you see the drill?”
She looked at him blankly. “He’s a doctor, Clark. Doctors don’t hurt people. They heal them and make them better so we can be together.”
“But…” He cupped her face gently, and she smiled from ear to ear.
“Oh, and you’ll be better soon, won’t you? And nothing will be able to keep us apart.”
“Lana…” Clark looked at her smiling face and somewhat glassy, vacant eyes. He stroked her hair. “What do you do?”
“What? What do you mean?” She narrowed her eyes a little and looked confused.
“Do you have a job? Or what are you majoring in?”
“I don’t go to school,” she replied softly. “I live on the farm with Aunt Nell.”
“Yeah, but what do you do?”
“I help Nell with dinner sometimes,” she offered, sounding hopeful that it would answer Clark’s question. “But I’m not allowed to use the stove on my own.”
Clark opened his mouth in surprise and remembered what Lex had said about her. “And… besides that? What do you do all day?”
“I ride my horse! And… keep a garden of flowers! And… play with my dolls? Is that what you mean?” She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him. She seemed so fragile and young. Her headband kept the hair off of her face. She could have easily been a dark, sultry beauty, but her eyes were wide and empty. She was dressed like a twelve year old. She wasn’t all there, and Clark felt his eyes beginning to sting with tears. “I get so lonely there. I’m glad you’re here with Lex now. Nell wouldn’t let me go to Fairview after that orderly tried to talk to me in the supply closet... You can play with me again. We can get married!”
“Oh, Lana. I don’t…”
“What?” she asked with a smile. She curled her tiny arms around his large bicep and rested her head on his shoulder. “It’ll be everything we ever wanted. I never loved anyone else, Clark Kent. And I never will.”
“Lana…”
“I love you so much,” she sighed, making a kittenish noise.
Oh, god this was worse than being visited by his mother.
***
Once Clark had decided to escape, it wasn’t hard to convince Lana that she should help him. All he had to do was persuade her that Lex was in trouble by reminding her that Lionel had tried to get his doctor to hurt him. But he had to give her very explicit directions and make sure she could repeat them to him.
It wasn’t so much that he needed the key to his restraints. It was that he needed the key first and for someone to visit him so that the door would be unlocked. He couldn’t rely on his powers here. He was going to have to play it smart.
Luckily, Mercy didn’t keep her guard up around little retarded girls.
“Stealing is wrong, Clark,” she whispered seriously. “Lying is wrong. Why would you ask me to lie?”
“It’s just for now,” he assured her, petting her long silky hair. “I’ll make sure Lex is okay, then I’ll come back for you. I’ll get better, and we can live happily ever after.”
“Eee! Like a fairytale!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“Yeah, Lana. Like a fairytale,” he said gravely.
So Lana snagged the key when she left from one of her visits, excused herself to the bathroom, and went into the kitchen to hide the key in the napkin for his dinner tray. Then she left. She would return tomorrow, and he would escape.
To Clark’s surprise, his dinner tray was delivered not by Mercy, but by Lex.
“I hear you’ve been asking about me,” he said in his disconnected way. Lex set the tray on the bed where Clark could reach it. Clark examined Lex’s face. He looked a little peaked and maybe a bit thinner.
“You were gone for over a week!”
“You always get antsy when I don’t visit, don’t you?” Lex asked softly. Clark moved his hand over the napkin and palmed the key as he picked up his fork.
“I don’t have that many visitors. I thought… maybe something had happened to you.”
“Not really. Not this time, I promise.” Lex rolled away from the bed, putting some distance between them. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just some tests.”
“Yeah? What for?” Clark began to eat his dinner. Somewhere in his mind, he suspected that this was a game. He and Lex were baiting one another.
“Nothing really. I had a fever, and my nurse overreacted.”
”She really attached to you.”
Lex looked down, almost bashfully. “We’ve been together a long time. I’m sure that’s it.”
Clark slipped the key into his fingers. “She says we both whine a lot.”
“I don’t as much as I used to. It’s sort of a joke between us now.”
The key slid into the wrist cuff. “Yeah? Was she your first physical therapist?”
“No, I had a string of them. The ones I couldn’t get along with. It was about six months before Mercy took the job. One bitch I couldn’t scare away.”
“She told me about… last year. I’m sorry.” He slid his hands into his lap when Lex looked up.
“You were hallucinating. I can’t fault you for that. God, I wish that I could.”
“You don’t?”
“Sometimes,” Lex admitted. His tone seemed softer today somehow. “When I’m drunk. I want to blame all of this on you. To be honest, my life wasn’t a bowl of cherries before the accident either.”
“It’s pretty bad when you’re hallucinate yourself hallucinating.”
“Heh.”
Clark looked over to the window. “Have I ever been in this penthouse before?”
“No. I’ve described it to you. Not in a lot of detail.”
“But… the view from the window. At least on the east side of the house,” Clark motioned with his head to the window.
“You remember that?” Lex rolled himself over to look out the window. “What else do you remember?”
“Bits and pieces.”
”If you have something to tell me, about the accident, please tell me.” Lex ground out the words desperately.
“Isn’t it enough that I saved you?”
“Clark…” His voice wavered.
“I think… maybe I’m remembering.”
Clark stood from the bed. Lex turned his head slowly and looked up in alarm.
“Clark,” he began in warning, moving towards him.
“Back off, Lex. I don’t want to hurt you,” Clark boomed. Lex rolled right up to him, undaunted.
“I’m not going to ask you to put the restraints back on, but you have to stay here, Clark. You don’t understand-“
With a wide sweep of his hand, Clark turned over Lex’s chair then pushed the chair out of his reach. Lex lay winded on the floor looking up at him.
”Clark, I know it’s been a long time, but… I’m willing to try if you are.” Lex offered his hand across the table. “I don’t think it’s impossible… for either of us…”
Clark took his hand and stood, walking over to Lex in his chair with wide, disbelieving eyes. He let go of Lex’s hand and punched him.
Lex went rolling backward in his chair. “What are you doing?”
“What I should've done a long time ago. Chloe traced the video feed from Level 3. You were watching us the whole time.”
Lex tried to wheel away from him. “I don't know what you're talking about. Guards!! Guards!”
Clark pulled him out of his chair and threw him to the ground. Lex looked up for the guards, his mask of apathy and pain broken by genuine fear.
“She also pulled the security records from Belle Reve. You were there the day those psychos escaped! You helped them somehow, didn't you? What'd you promise them, Lex? Enough serum to last the rest of their lives?”
“You're being irrational! You haven’t even seen Chloe in a year!” He struggled backward, pulling himself on his forearms away from Clark.
“This whole thing was a set up. A test! And to do it, you put Lana and my family in danger.”
“Clark!”
“No!” Clark screamed, punching him again and again. “I thought we could start over, Lex, but you're too obsessed with the past. But I'm different now, and I'm through playing games with you. You wanna test me? You wanna see what I'm really made of, you do it yourself, you coward.”
Unable to drag himself away, Lex pulled his arms over his face, trying to block more punches. A guard came running in and cuffed Clark hard in the face. They pulled Clark to the ground and pinned him. Clark rolled his head over and looked at Lex with hollow, red rimmed eyes. He licked the blood on his lips.
“Satisfied?” he asked coldly.
“Clark?” Lex asked warily.
The two of them stared into one another’s eyes. Clark didn’t want to see the fear that Lex’s eyes. He stepped forward, and Lex flinched.
“I’m leaving. Have a nice life, Lex.”
“Cl… Clark, no. You can’t leave.” Lex rolled over onto his stomach and began inching his way towards Clark.
”You can’t stop me! I don’t have to live this life. I can’t be here.”
“And you can’t leave this apartment alone!” Lex pleaded. The fear in his eyes had changed somehow. Clark didn’t really understand why.
“Watch me.” Clark moved to leave Lex and felt the pull of Lex’s left hand on the cuff of his pants. “Let go!”
“I can’t let you go! If you go out that door, Clark, that’s it! You’re through. They’ll send you to another asylum, and I’ll never see you again!”
Clark stopped and looked down at him. “I’m not going to be locked away again. I won’t let you ruin my life.”
”You don’t have a life,” Lex said bitterly. “You were locked away at fifteen for reckless endangerment.”
”That… I…” Clark looked away and grimaced, feeling tears coming. He couldn’t face this. This wasn’t his life. It couldn’t be real.
“Goddammit, you stupid kid! You don’t have a life! But you could! You could have a great life! You’re so young.” Lex’s eyes shone. “You’re only twenty. This is when your life starts. You could still… go to college. Make friends. Have a career. Be somebody! You can still have all of those things, Clark. And you’ve worked so hard already. You can do this. Please don’t throw it away.”
Clark crouched down and looked down on Lex’s expressive, tortured face.
“Don’t walk out that door, Clark. Please. Please, don’t walk out that door,” Lex begged. “Let yourself have a life.”
And Clark fell.
His eyes overflowed with tears, and the man lying before him became ever so clear. Bald and sick and crippled and begging Clark to live the life he couldn’t. The life that Clark had ripped away so carelessly.
“I hurt you. I hurt you so much. Oh… no no no.” Clark fell to his knees and grasped Lex’s face with his hands. “I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…”
With a little resistance Clark pulled Lex into his arms and cradled him to his chest. Clark felt dampness on his shirt, as he continued his litany of apologies and held onto Lex for dear life.
Part Two
Pairing: Clana, Clex
Rating: PG13, later NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark. WIP (because I need more WIP in my life)
Clark woke up strapped to a bed.
It wasn’t a cold, stiff bed in that horrible hospital Fairview. Actually, it was a queen size, very soft, with dark blue silk sheets. The air was nice and warm, too. Aside from the restraints and the fuzzy sensation in his head, he felt pretty good.
“Hello?” Clark called. He narrowed his eyes and tried to look around the room. It was a pretty big room, painted in a calming blue, and the shades were drawn open, but the lights were dimmed. His cries grew more plaintive. “Hello? Is anyone here?”
He continued for several minutes before resting back on the pile of pillows at the top of bed and staring up at the ceiling. Then he decided to snap the bonds with his super-strength.
“Ugh!” He twisted left and right futilely. Funny, he didn’t feel Kryptonite… “Arrrgghh!”
“Oh, for fucks’ sakes, stop that, you idiot.”
Clark rolled his head over to look for where the terse, lifeless voice had come from. He opened his eyes wide, realizing that Lex was rolling toward his bed from an open door.
“Why are you keeping me here?” Clark demanded. Lex lifted his chin in aggravation.
“Would you rather have that psycho doctor drill a hole in your head?”
“The treatment!” Clark tensed in fear, suddenly remembering the drill slowly closing in on his unprotected temple and Lana smiling blithely behind the glass. He looked around the room. Still not Fairview. He doubted Fairview even had rooms this nice. “It didn’t happen?”
“I showed up to see you choking the doctor. Under the circumstances, it’s really the sanest thing you’ve done in years.”
“I’m not crazy!”
“Then snap those restraints, little brother,” Lex sneered. Clark proceeded to struggle against them again. The bald man sighed and rubbed his broad forehead. “Why did I save you? I could have let him lobotomize you, and you’d be perfectly on the level with that simpering girlfriend of yours.”
“Lana is an angel. She’s a wonderful girlfriend!”
“Lana fell from a bridge when she was eight, hit her head on a rock, and has been a little slow every since. Her aunt Nell has to make sure she doesn’t wander off the farm because people will take advantage of her.” Lex rolled closer. “How’s your head?”
“I thought they didn’t do the surgery?”
“Well, no, but I consulted a psychiatrist who isn’t complete fuckjob, and she has you on a whole new medication regimen.”
“You’re drugging me?!”
“They were drugging you before, nitwit.”
“Yeah.” Clark’s voice broke. His eyes shifted around, looking for a way out of this place. He wondered why Lex Luthor would give him such a soft bed. Surely he’d just strap him up in a dungeon somewhere?
“I’ve had your medications switched and the dosage lowered significantly. Hopefully this round won’t make you so paranoid. I think Lionel… the medication they had you on couldn’t have been helping. It was probably just keeping you out of the way. Now that he’s legally your father, he can pretty much sign off on any kind of treatment he wants.”
“Can you let me out of these?”
“No,” Lex said flatly. He stared at Clark coldly for a long time, until Clark became uncomfortable with his exacting gaze and turned away. He heard Lex’s wheelchair turning around, and the bald man left him.
***
“Where are we, Lex?”
“My penthouse.” Lex leaned to the side of his chair and watched Clark with unreadable, intense eyes. Lex did that quite a bit. And it unnerved him.
Clark’s nurse leaned over and offered him a spoonful of applesauce. Clark grimaced. He’d always hated being spoon-fed. And this woman didn’t exactly have a caring touch.
“Why am I here? Are you going to experiment on me?”
Lex rolled his eyes. “All of my evil secret labs are currently full. You’ll have to settle for my guestroom.”
Mercy grabbed Clark’s mouth and forced his jaw open. He had no choice but to take the applesauce.
“It’s probably in your best interests not to resist Mercy. She’s both a nurse and my personal trainer.”
Clark swallowed hard. “Why do you need a personal trainer?”
Lex tensed his mouth into a displeased pucker. “I was in need of more upper body strength.”
“Eat,” Mercy ordered. Clark opened his mouth and did as she said. He suspected that tall, strong woman with short black hair could snap him in half, if she chose. And if Lex weren’t watching so closely. Clark wondered if there were cameras in the room.
Later a doctor came by to check him out. He let the pretty Asian woman shine a light in his eyes and talk to Lex about his blood pressure and other chemical things. When she tried to take his blood, Clark jerked away from her so hard that the needle got stuck in his arm.
“I don’t know what you’ve done to take away my powers, Lex! But I’ll get you for this!”
Lex’s eyes twitched angrily. “Put him under, and do whatever tests you need. I want his medication under control, Dr. Yeh.”
“I-I’ll get you…”
“I’m sure you will.” Lex sighed and left again.
***
Clark woke again to feel his mother’s hand on his cheek. “Mom?”
“Oh, sweetie!” She leaned over and gave him a light kiss.
“Why are you letting Lex do this to me?” he pleaded. His mother sighed and continued to caress his face.
“Oh, Clark. Lex has done everything he could to keep you out of Fairview. He was outraged when he found out what Dr. Hudson was doing! Lionel was just as horrified, as well. We’re having that Fairview place shutdown for gross malpractice.”
Clark gave her wide, entreating puppy eyes. “Please, Mom… let me go. It’s the Luthors, Mom. They’re the ones doing this to me.”
“I wish they didn’t have to do this, Clark. But if you have an episode, Lex just can’t handle you on his own. I’m really amazed that he’s able to take on this much, bless him. He’s always seemed so depressed… especially after the s- well, I’ve only known him since…”
“Since the bridge? When I saved him?”
Martha turned her head and tried to hide her tears. “Sweetie…”
“He… I saved him, Mom! He would have died on that bridge! I saved him… I had to. I had to. I had to!!”
“Why don’t you try to relax, hon? If you do, this can get better. And I can see you without the restraints. It’ll be so wonderful, if you just try. You can get your life back…”
“Lex isn’t going to let that happen! He’ll drag me down to the lab…” Clark trailed off, feeling the uselessness of his words. His mother continued to stroke his hair, and when he stopped struggling, she smiled at him and began to chat with him about her day and the charity projects she was involved in. She was smiling, but there were tight lines around her eyes.
He tried to smile back and keep up his end of the conversation. He would have to escape from this place on his own.
***
Dr. Yeh came in once a day to listen to him talk and to discuss his condition. She never belittled his “heritage” or told him that his birth-father was soap. She did however tell him that his obsession with Lex was unhealthy and might not be strictly the result of his neurological disorder.
“And you might think on that, Clark. I feel as though you’re hearing me more. Is it easier to concentrate now?”
“Yeah…” Clark was hesitant. Lex Luthor kept people in dungeons underground and tortured them. He was building an army of mutants for some reason. He would cut Clark open if he had the chance. Why would he give him drugs that made him feel better?
“The medication you were on previously likely made you very irritable and caused more hallucinations, rather than controlling your psychosis. Your anxiety levels should continue to decrease. You already seem much calmer and more rational. I’d like to start you on cognitive behavioral therapy soon. Lex will be pleased.”
“I’m sure he will,” Clark replied with a bit of an edge.
Her black eyes creased into a disapproving scowl. But as always, she kept her comments professional. “Let me know if you are having any ill side effects. Lex wouldn’t like that.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t.”
She stood abruptly and moved to leave. “You’re going to have to face your issues sooner or later, Clark. But for today, we are finished.”
Sometimes after their sessions he felt like she wanted to tell him something, but she held back because she thought he needed to get it for himself.
***
Life as Lex’s captive wasn’t as harrowing as Clark had imagined. Actually, it was pretty damn boring, and after a while, he got bored enough to chat when Lex came by to stare at him.
“So how’s your love life? Trap any young girls into marrying you?”
“Fewer than you’d think,” Lex replied dryly. He was always dry, or sarcastic. Mostly bitter.
”I know you don’t like it, Clark, but I have a girlfriend now. Try to be happy for me. It’s not like this kind of thing happens to me everyday.”
Clark sat sullenly across from the table at Lex. The older man raised his brows haplessly. The guards glared at them. “I’d figure you had a different girl every night.”
Lex gave a short, humorless laugh. “Fewer than you’d think. I’m not exactly a millionaire playboy. I’m more of a science geek that likes to dance.” He paused to rub a finger over his lips. “Liked to dance. Heh. Women aren’t attracted to bald and nerdy in any case. Who is? But she’s different. I think. I want to believe Helen likes me. Maybe she just feels sorry for me.”
“I don’t know why anyone would feel sorry for you, Lex. I figure, if anyone can decide who they wanted to be, it would be you,” Clark said earnestly.
Lex’s expression was a mix of irritation and confusion.
“Where did you meet her?”
“Metropolis General. She was on my case after the accident. We’ve kept in touch since then.” Lex bowed his head shyly. “I think this could be something. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. It’s hard to think my life could change for the better because of one person.”
Clark reached across the table and grabbed Lex’s hand jealously. “You have a destiny, Lex. Just don’t let her get in the way of that.”
”So they tell me.”
“You’re going to do great things. We both are. Together.”
Lex’s mouth twisted into a bitter, sideways gash on his face. “We’ll see if I have it in me to keep my job and a normal life. It feels crazy. I think I might be hopeful about this.”
Clark grinned. “You can do anything, Lex.”
“Helen…” Clark frowned a little at Lex. The man looked up and narrowed his eyes. “Did she exist? Was there really a Helen Bryce?”
“Yes. There is a Helen Bryce.”
“Oh. You’re married?”
Lex snorted. “No, I’m not married.”
“I thought you married Helen? Not for long, but-“
“I never married anyone. I started dating Helen a few months after the accident. She worked on my case at Metropolis General. When I started to spend more time with her, you started to call her Desirée and told me she had evil powers that made men want her.” Lex smirked. “Then you set her on fire. In your fantasy world. But we were still going out for several more months. I was thinking of proposing, but it turned out that she was cheating on me. With multiple guys. Lionel thinks she was probably planning a dine and ditch.”
“A… what?”
”After ten years of marriage you get half your partner’s belongings. Thus, marry a rich man… divorce him ten years later…”
“That sucks!”
“Well, she couldn’t stand to be with me for that long, I’m sure. She certainly shivered enough when we were in bed together.” His listless look dropped as his lips spread into a twisted grin. “After that you had me send her down on a plane over the Atlantic. But she’s still very much alive.”
“Oh.” Clark wiggled, trying to sit up a little, but it was impossible. “We were friends before?”
“I don’t know that you’d call us friends. Well, maybe you would have. Legendary friendship or whatever.” His voice sounded detached. His face had reverted to an emotionless mask.
”But... you did come to visit me.”
Lex nodded.
Clark frowned and widened his eyes forlornly. “How come?”
The other man seemed repelled by the expression, rolling backward a little before considering an answer. He shrugged. “Our therapists thought… it would be mutually beneficial if we tried to communicate with each other… Under controlled circumstances, of course.”
“Was it? Mutually beneficial?”
“It seemed to be. For awhile.” Lex sighed and ran a cupped hand over his smooth bald head. “For you.”
“Oh,” Clark muttered dejectedly.
“You seemed to be getting better,” Lex whispered, just loud enough for Clark to hear. “Then… you just starting pulling this ‘heritage’ out of nowhere. You decided that I was crazy. Started up again with these stories about Indian caves… and then I…”
“And?” Clark looked at him eagerly.
“No. And nothing. I think… I don’t know, but I think that when you came up with the stories about me… my father drugging me to cause hallucinations and have me locked up against my will… You were aware of what he was doing. He had your medication changed around that time. I didn’t know. But I think you were trying to tell us with that.” Lex shook his head. “We should have seen it…”
“I don’t think so. I mean the doctors were in on it.”
“There aren’t many people willing to speak up against my father. By we, I mean I. I should have realized the change in you was too sudden. Something had to cause it.”
“You’re not a psychiatrist, Lex. You’re not responsible for me.”
“No, I am. I was just too… self-involved to see what you were trying to tell me.” Lex arched his back and shifted uncomfortably. Clark moved to reach out to him but was caught fast. He’d forgotten for a second about the binding separating them. Lex stared at Clark’s hand as though it were a bizarre foreign object.
“I think… you had a good reason to be preoccupied.”
Lex started to say something but held back. He raked his eyes over Clark laying in the bed, dressed in designer hospital jammies.
“Lex?”
“What?” he asked defensively.
“Was… did I make up Julian?”
Lex took a deep breath, puffed out his cheeks, and blew the air out slowly with a little hiss. “No, Clark, you didn’t make that up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
***
When Mercy came in to unfasten his restraints, Clark was extremely surprised. He tensed his body in preparation, and when she had stepped back from the bed, he began to leap up to run out of the room and claim his freedom.
But he fell right back on the bed.
“You’ve been flat on your back for weeks, super boy. Before that they had you drugged in a cell. I’d be surprised if you could walk properly, let alone take me.” She stood with her feet at shoulder’s width and held her hands behind her back. She looked more like the hired muscle than a nurse of any kind.
“Ugh.” Clark struggled to sit up. He felt sore all over. Mercy leaned over and helped him into a sitting position.
“I’m going to set up a mat over there, and we’re going to start getting you back in shape.”
“That should be fun,” Clark muttered sarcastically as she heaved him to his feet. “Are you going to work with both me and Lex?”
“At the same time? Hell, no. If he even suggested it I would refuse.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Clark wobbled on his feet. He’d never felt so weak before. Even when he’d been poisoned by Kryptonite. “Why would you refuse?”
“Because when he tried to visit you in the hospital last year, you flipped out on him and hit him in the face multiple times. Screaming about tests or something.” She shoved him onto the mat. “He was nursing a fractured skull for over a month. Really fucked up my work schedule.”
Clark sat on the mat abruptly.
“I like Lex. He’s damn broke down, but I like the guy. He was one of my first patients. And one of my favorites.” Her round hazel eyes turned into narrow slits.
“Mercy-“
“Shut up. The second time he went to see you, with the broken head mind, you got away from the guards and choked him. Bruised his windpipe. Like he needs more medical shit to worry about right now.” She shook her head and tossed him a shirt and a pair of shorts to work out in. “You’re a crazy fuck, Clark Kent. And I don’t know what Lex sees in you, but I’m not letting the two of you in a room together unless your loony ass is restrained.”
He looked at the clothes in his hands.
“Besides, I’m sure between you two whiny bitches I’d snap and kill you both. Get dressed. We’ll start with stretches.”
Clark watched her as he peeled off the dirty bedclothes. Even when she turned from him, she didn’t seem particularly worried he might hurt her or escape. He leaned forward to take a look at the door.
“Don’t even think about it. You can’t get past me. You aren’t getting out of here to hurt Lex again.” She took a swig of her own water bottle and came over to sit beside him.
“What if I just want to get out of here?” He pulled the tank top on.
“Not happening, buddy. Okay. Follow me, okay?”
Clark nodded and raised an arm over his head for a basic stretch.
***
The days started to blend into one another. Breakfast, training, therapy, lunch. Lex would drop by sometime in the afternoon after Mercy came in to make sure that Clark was restrained. When his mother came by, Lex wouldn’t visit him that day. Clark sometimes saw his mother’s face and felt let down. He still loved her, but she was very much Lionel Luthor’s wife. Obedient, loyal, and oblivious. It was stressful to talk to her.
“God, what would my dad say,” Clark muttered. He sat cross-legged on the bed looking down at the restraints on his wrists and ankles. Mercy had brought in longer ones so he could move around a little bit. He still couldn’t get out of them. He’d tried.
“A string of curses directed at the entire Luthor line,” Lex answered certainly. “I haven’t seen him in a while, but he’s really not the type to change his mind.”
“Wait… my dad is alive?” Clark asked hopefully, searching Lex’s eyes with interest.
“Yep.”
“Then why doesn’t he visit me?”
“Because he hates me. Well,” Lex jerked his eyebrows and shrugged. “Actually, I have no idea. He stopped visiting you in Fairview a long time ago.”
“He still work at the farm?”
Lex shook his head. “He lost the farm shortly after your mom got married to my father. He works for McNally, I think. Drinks a lot… not that I’m one to throw stones on that front.”
“Oh.” Clark looked down again.
“I… maybe it was too hard for him to keep visiting you. It’s pretty difficult to keep seeing someone you care deeply about get worse and worse. Just watching and knowing that you are powerless to make them whole again. I think that might be why loved ones leave you on your own.”
That made sense. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Mm.”
“Maybe… I can go see him sometime…” Clark looked sideways. Lex pushed his lips inward and looked sympathetic.
“Maybe. When Yeh says it’s okay.” Lex frowned. “He looks different. I mean, be prepared, Clark. He isn’t the father you knew.”
“Nobody is the person I knew. You’re not even the person I knew. Well… you’re kind of a person I thought I once knew. But then I thought you were different. If that makes… no that doesn’t make sense.”
Lex almost cracked a smile. “I don’t expect it to. If you can recognize the not-sense-making, it’ll be enough.”
“I’m trying to.”
Lex nodded supportively.
***
Lex had actually visited Clark less since starting him in training and therapy, but he came by regularly as clockwork. So when one afternoon, Lex didn’t appear, Clark was a little concerned. Both for Lex and for himself.
He figured he was developing some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.
He was a little shy about asking Mercy or Yeh where Lex was the first day. After all, Lex didn’t have any obligation to visit him. The purpose of the villain’s visit was usually to gloat… and maybe to reveal a crucial secret that would enable Clark’s escape, but Lex hadn’t been doing any of that. After the third day, however, Clark was beginning to get anxious.
“Uh… Mercy? Do you know where Lex has been?”
“Yes,” she said flatly. Clark winced as the strong woman pushed his leg over his head.
”So… ow!”
”Concentrate, wonder girl.”
“Where is he?”
“Hold this.” She began to count, holding his legs in place. Clark took a deep breath. He really hated yoga.
Later that day he asked Dr. Yeh as well, and she asked him why it was so important for him to know Lex’s whereabouts.
“I’m just curious. He hasn’t been here in days, and he’s usually… you know, right on the dot.”
“I think you’re deflecting here. We should be talking about you and your problems. Not where Lex is,” her dark eyes cut into him. He sometimes fancied that she was possessed by a black oil brought to life by Kryptonite. Or maybe she was a clone of Milton Fine.
“I can’t be worried about another person?”
“Where do you think he is?” She crossed her legs at the knee and sat back, eyeing him in that way that made him feel as though he were on the autopsy table.
“He could be hurt. Someone could have shot him. Or abducted him. Or…” Clark frowned. “I’m not crazy. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Abducted by whom?” she asked in a leading tone.
Clark sighed in irritation. “Not by aliens. People get abducted by regular people. And Lionel Luthor isn’t a nice guy. And he has money. Someone could have done something…”
“Lex hasn’t been abducted or harmed, I assure you.” She balanced her pencil between two fingers. “Why is it so important to you that Lex not be hurt? Let’s talk about that.”
“I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to know where he is.”
“In your delusions, you often put ‘Lex’ as a character in dangerous situations from which he needed to be saved by you. In truth, only you could save him. Meteor freaks, murderous women, his father, even your own friends. Why is that?”
“That’s not true. I couldn’t always save him. I didn’t save him from Helen on the plane.”
“Hm.”
“What?”
“Exactly.”
“No!” Clark groaned. “What does that mean? Hm?”
“Why didn’t you save him, Clark?” she asked, setting her hands in her lap and looking at him fairly sympathetically.
“I couldn’t… Jor-El-“
“Yes, but why couldn’t you? This is your sandbox. You’ve been realizing that many of the things that you believe were true are actually part of a large delusionary world, which you have created for yourself. These delusions have their own meaning. You need to know what they are.”
Clark stood and began to pace around the room.
“Let me ask you this: you gave powers to Lex. What were those powers?”
“Um…” Clark thought for a moment. “He’s really intelligent.”
“I don’t know that you gave that to him,” Yeh smirked a little. “He has quite a few degrees in science under his belt. And is about to complete another. Not that he’s using them much at the moment.”
“Oh.” He walked over to the window and looked out of it. He could see the LuthorCorp tower from here… but the skyline was very beautiful in spite of it. It occurred to him that, if he could fly… “And he heals really fast.”
“Yes. Is that all he can do?”
“And he doesn’t get sick. Ever. It’s like he has a super immune system.”
Yeh nodded. “And what do you think the symbolism of those powers are?”
“Um… I don’t know.”
Yeh sucked on her lips and looked very displeased. “Try. Why do you need to save him? Why would you give him healing powers? Why would you give him an immune system?”
“I don’t know!” Clark shouted, turning abruptly from the window. Yeh straightened her body and stared at him impassively.
“This is a process, Clark. You have to try.” She pulled off her glasses, folded them, and slid them into her pocket. “I won’t push you. You pick the next topic.”
Clark turned back to the window. He pressed his fingertips up against the glass and felt the unpleasant, familiar sensation of vertigo. He’d never realized how high up the penthouse was. How far he had to fall.
***
Clark felt his hopes rise as Mercy came in and brandished the restraints. He sat still and obediently for once, waiting for her to secure him. He watched her affix the keys back to her belt before trotting out of the room. His chest tightened when he heard the door open again.
“Clark!” Lana squealed. She ran up to the bed and threw her arms around him. She beamed and sat on the bed and twisted her fingers in excitement. “I’m so glad you’re alright. It’s so wonderful of Lex to take you in, isn’t it?”
“It’s not bad. Better than Fairview.”
”I can’t believe that doctor was really going to hurt you,” she said, sounding amazed and breathless. Clark wondered if she had been running around in circles somewhere.
“You were standing right there. Didn’t you see the drill?”
She looked at him blankly. “He’s a doctor, Clark. Doctors don’t hurt people. They heal them and make them better so we can be together.”
“But…” He cupped her face gently, and she smiled from ear to ear.
“Oh, and you’ll be better soon, won’t you? And nothing will be able to keep us apart.”
“Lana…” Clark looked at her smiling face and somewhat glassy, vacant eyes. He stroked her hair. “What do you do?”
“What? What do you mean?” She narrowed her eyes a little and looked confused.
“Do you have a job? Or what are you majoring in?”
“I don’t go to school,” she replied softly. “I live on the farm with Aunt Nell.”
“Yeah, but what do you do?”
“I help Nell with dinner sometimes,” she offered, sounding hopeful that it would answer Clark’s question. “But I’m not allowed to use the stove on my own.”
Clark opened his mouth in surprise and remembered what Lex had said about her. “And… besides that? What do you do all day?”
“I ride my horse! And… keep a garden of flowers! And… play with my dolls? Is that what you mean?” She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him. She seemed so fragile and young. Her headband kept the hair off of her face. She could have easily been a dark, sultry beauty, but her eyes were wide and empty. She was dressed like a twelve year old. She wasn’t all there, and Clark felt his eyes beginning to sting with tears. “I get so lonely there. I’m glad you’re here with Lex now. Nell wouldn’t let me go to Fairview after that orderly tried to talk to me in the supply closet... You can play with me again. We can get married!”
“Oh, Lana. I don’t…”
“What?” she asked with a smile. She curled her tiny arms around his large bicep and rested her head on his shoulder. “It’ll be everything we ever wanted. I never loved anyone else, Clark Kent. And I never will.”
“Lana…”
“I love you so much,” she sighed, making a kittenish noise.
Oh, god this was worse than being visited by his mother.
***
Once Clark had decided to escape, it wasn’t hard to convince Lana that she should help him. All he had to do was persuade her that Lex was in trouble by reminding her that Lionel had tried to get his doctor to hurt him. But he had to give her very explicit directions and make sure she could repeat them to him.
It wasn’t so much that he needed the key to his restraints. It was that he needed the key first and for someone to visit him so that the door would be unlocked. He couldn’t rely on his powers here. He was going to have to play it smart.
Luckily, Mercy didn’t keep her guard up around little retarded girls.
“Stealing is wrong, Clark,” she whispered seriously. “Lying is wrong. Why would you ask me to lie?”
“It’s just for now,” he assured her, petting her long silky hair. “I’ll make sure Lex is okay, then I’ll come back for you. I’ll get better, and we can live happily ever after.”
“Eee! Like a fairytale!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“Yeah, Lana. Like a fairytale,” he said gravely.
So Lana snagged the key when she left from one of her visits, excused herself to the bathroom, and went into the kitchen to hide the key in the napkin for his dinner tray. Then she left. She would return tomorrow, and he would escape.
To Clark’s surprise, his dinner tray was delivered not by Mercy, but by Lex.
“I hear you’ve been asking about me,” he said in his disconnected way. Lex set the tray on the bed where Clark could reach it. Clark examined Lex’s face. He looked a little peaked and maybe a bit thinner.
“You were gone for over a week!”
“You always get antsy when I don’t visit, don’t you?” Lex asked softly. Clark moved his hand over the napkin and palmed the key as he picked up his fork.
“I don’t have that many visitors. I thought… maybe something had happened to you.”
“Not really. Not this time, I promise.” Lex rolled away from the bed, putting some distance between them. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just some tests.”
“Yeah? What for?” Clark began to eat his dinner. Somewhere in his mind, he suspected that this was a game. He and Lex were baiting one another.
“Nothing really. I had a fever, and my nurse overreacted.”
”She really attached to you.”
Lex looked down, almost bashfully. “We’ve been together a long time. I’m sure that’s it.”
Clark slipped the key into his fingers. “She says we both whine a lot.”
“I don’t as much as I used to. It’s sort of a joke between us now.”
The key slid into the wrist cuff. “Yeah? Was she your first physical therapist?”
“No, I had a string of them. The ones I couldn’t get along with. It was about six months before Mercy took the job. One bitch I couldn’t scare away.”
“She told me about… last year. I’m sorry.” He slid his hands into his lap when Lex looked up.
“You were hallucinating. I can’t fault you for that. God, I wish that I could.”
“You don’t?”
“Sometimes,” Lex admitted. His tone seemed softer today somehow. “When I’m drunk. I want to blame all of this on you. To be honest, my life wasn’t a bowl of cherries before the accident either.”
“It’s pretty bad when you’re hallucinate yourself hallucinating.”
“Heh.”
Clark looked over to the window. “Have I ever been in this penthouse before?”
“No. I’ve described it to you. Not in a lot of detail.”
“But… the view from the window. At least on the east side of the house,” Clark motioned with his head to the window.
“You remember that?” Lex rolled himself over to look out the window. “What else do you remember?”
“Bits and pieces.”
”If you have something to tell me, about the accident, please tell me.” Lex ground out the words desperately.
“Isn’t it enough that I saved you?”
“Clark…” His voice wavered.
“I think… maybe I’m remembering.”
Clark stood from the bed. Lex turned his head slowly and looked up in alarm.
“Clark,” he began in warning, moving towards him.
“Back off, Lex. I don’t want to hurt you,” Clark boomed. Lex rolled right up to him, undaunted.
“I’m not going to ask you to put the restraints back on, but you have to stay here, Clark. You don’t understand-“
With a wide sweep of his hand, Clark turned over Lex’s chair then pushed the chair out of his reach. Lex lay winded on the floor looking up at him.
”Clark, I know it’s been a long time, but… I’m willing to try if you are.” Lex offered his hand across the table. “I don’t think it’s impossible… for either of us…”
Clark took his hand and stood, walking over to Lex in his chair with wide, disbelieving eyes. He let go of Lex’s hand and punched him.
Lex went rolling backward in his chair. “What are you doing?”
“What I should've done a long time ago. Chloe traced the video feed from Level 3. You were watching us the whole time.”
Lex tried to wheel away from him. “I don't know what you're talking about. Guards!! Guards!”
Clark pulled him out of his chair and threw him to the ground. Lex looked up for the guards, his mask of apathy and pain broken by genuine fear.
“She also pulled the security records from Belle Reve. You were there the day those psychos escaped! You helped them somehow, didn't you? What'd you promise them, Lex? Enough serum to last the rest of their lives?”
“You're being irrational! You haven’t even seen Chloe in a year!” He struggled backward, pulling himself on his forearms away from Clark.
“This whole thing was a set up. A test! And to do it, you put Lana and my family in danger.”
“Clark!”
“No!” Clark screamed, punching him again and again. “I thought we could start over, Lex, but you're too obsessed with the past. But I'm different now, and I'm through playing games with you. You wanna test me? You wanna see what I'm really made of, you do it yourself, you coward.”
Unable to drag himself away, Lex pulled his arms over his face, trying to block more punches. A guard came running in and cuffed Clark hard in the face. They pulled Clark to the ground and pinned him. Clark rolled his head over and looked at Lex with hollow, red rimmed eyes. He licked the blood on his lips.
“Satisfied?” he asked coldly.
“Clark?” Lex asked warily.
The two of them stared into one another’s eyes. Clark didn’t want to see the fear that Lex’s eyes. He stepped forward, and Lex flinched.
“I’m leaving. Have a nice life, Lex.”
“Cl… Clark, no. You can’t leave.” Lex rolled over onto his stomach and began inching his way towards Clark.
”You can’t stop me! I don’t have to live this life. I can’t be here.”
“And you can’t leave this apartment alone!” Lex pleaded. The fear in his eyes had changed somehow. Clark didn’t really understand why.
“Watch me.” Clark moved to leave Lex and felt the pull of Lex’s left hand on the cuff of his pants. “Let go!”
“I can’t let you go! If you go out that door, Clark, that’s it! You’re through. They’ll send you to another asylum, and I’ll never see you again!”
Clark stopped and looked down at him. “I’m not going to be locked away again. I won’t let you ruin my life.”
”You don’t have a life,” Lex said bitterly. “You were locked away at fifteen for reckless endangerment.”
”That… I…” Clark looked away and grimaced, feeling tears coming. He couldn’t face this. This wasn’t his life. It couldn’t be real.
“Goddammit, you stupid kid! You don’t have a life! But you could! You could have a great life! You’re so young.” Lex’s eyes shone. “You’re only twenty. This is when your life starts. You could still… go to college. Make friends. Have a career. Be somebody! You can still have all of those things, Clark. And you’ve worked so hard already. You can do this. Please don’t throw it away.”
Clark crouched down and looked down on Lex’s expressive, tortured face.
“Don’t walk out that door, Clark. Please. Please, don’t walk out that door,” Lex begged. “Let yourself have a life.”
And Clark fell.
His eyes overflowed with tears, and the man lying before him became ever so clear. Bald and sick and crippled and begging Clark to live the life he couldn’t. The life that Clark had ripped away so carelessly.
“I hurt you. I hurt you so much. Oh… no no no.” Clark fell to his knees and grasped Lex’s face with his hands. “I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…”
With a little resistance Clark pulled Lex into his arms and cradled him to his chest. Clark felt dampness on his shirt, as he continued his litany of apologies and held onto Lex for dear life.
Part Two