You Make Me Sick, Part Two
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum and living with Lex as he recovers. Lex, however, has problems of his own to contend with.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two:
Mercy stormed into the room and pulled the two men apart, her nostrils wide in rage. Lex looked up with swollen eyes and wiped a hand ashamedly across his cheek.
“Please, Mercy… “
“You’ve been in here for hours.” She scooped Lex up in her strong arms and carried him back to his chair. “God, Lex, you could have yelled for help. What if he’d-“
“But he didn’t.” Lex wormed away from her touch.
She left her hands on the arm of his chair and remained at Lex’s level. “But he could have, and he has before. Why do you always excuse his bullshit behavior?”
Lex looked over to Clark, who had curled up into his knees and continued to shake. He felt a stab of guilt for making the boy hurt that way. It didn’t matter that Lex logically knew it wasn’t his fault. Logic always failed him in that respect.
“I need to get Dr. Yeh on the phone,” Lex said, trying to sound professional. He assumed that this attempt did not work as Mercy rolled her eyes irritably and reached over to check his pulse. “Just get the damn phone, okay?”
“I’m not leaving you with him.”
Lex sighed and pushed his wheels vigorously, as he nodded for her to lead the way.
“Lex, don’t leave me again.” Clark’s voice chimed into the air like the plea of a wounded child. Lex thought momentarily that it might as well be Lucas, asking him to stay with him until things stopped being scary. He had to admit that the comparison was apt. They were both his little brothers.
“Get up, Clark,” Lex said softly. “I’m not leaving you. Follow me.”
“Are you out of your head?” Mercy looked down and crossed her arms.
“Probably,” Lex replied flatly. He continued rolling toward the open door, knowing that Clark was following him obediently as he sniffled and shook. Mercy flanked them, keeping her eyes firmly on the young man.
***
The call to Yeh had been brief and to the point: If Clark was secured, she didn’t need to come by immediately, but she warned Lex that he should probably lock Clark back in the room. He put the phone down and rolled over to the well-worn suede couch where Clark was sitting looking lost and, somehow despite his towering frame, small.
“Why… Lex, I did this to you. I ruined your life,” Clark whispered. He slumped over his legs and seemed to be trying to disappear into the couch.
“Actually, my life is such a mess. No one person could possibly have the power to have caused it all.” Lex tried to force some amusement into his voice, but the tone fell flat once again. Oh well. Lex placed his hand on the back of Clark’s neck. He wasn’t sure if there was anything to be said and if there were, he surely would have found it two years ago.
“Why did you keep coming to see me? How could you?” The muffled voice wormed its way into Lex’s detachment.
“Our therapists suggested it would be-“
Clark’s head shot up. “Mutually beneficial? Why? How could they possibly think that being forced to talk to your attacker could would be good for you?”
Stunned, Lex shook his head. “I… they thought that if you could see me, in person, you’d stop…” He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You’d have something real to hang onto. You’d eventually realize what was real and admit the truth to your delusions.”
“Yeah, ‘cause that worked.” Clark sniffed indecorously. Lex curled his lip at the snot running down Clark’s face, rolled his chair back to turn then rolled over to the bookshelf to fetch a tissue.
“I think at this point we can discount any skill from the Fairview staff,” Lex said, offering the tissue to Clark. He took it and blew his nose with a honk. Lex’s lips twitched a little. Again he found himself stuck for something to say.
“But… what did they think you’d get out of it?” Clark looked up again and implored him with his eyes.
Flickers of sadness. Irritation. Affection. All nibbling at the edges of Lex’s nerves, futilely.
“My doctors were concerned after the accident about my ‘failure to thrive,’ as they put it. I lost my job, physical therapy wasn’t going well, and I started to lose weight. The psychologist said that if I could attain some closure it might ameliorate my mental condition and get me back on track. Thus, my father forced me to do it.”
“Oh,” Clark muttered. Lex laced his fingers together and looked at him.
“It’s really hard to get closure when the kid who caused the accident is so traumatized by his actions that he can’t admit to them.”
”I’m sorry!” Clark wailed. Lex looked away and felt the fuzzy emotions circling his peripheral.
“I knew you’d never tell me what you’d done. I knew… pretty quickly.”
“Then why did you keep coming?”
Lex shrugged and handed him another tissue. “I… “
Their eyes met, and Lex could see the unrestrained want in Clark’s large green eyes. Not just want, but a long and painfully unfulfilled need.
“I wanted to believe in you.”
He could see that confusing muddying the pain in Clark’s eyes. Poor kid.
***
Dr. Yeh had appeared the next morning with a sour look and spoken harshly with Lex, reminding him of the issues they had covered with Julian.
“I’m not convinced that he’s ready to cohabitate with you fully. Please remember what I told you about transference.”
“I know all about that,” Lex snapped. “I’ve read enough psychiatry to teach a class on it. This… doesn’t have anything to do with Julian.”
Her lips condensed into a small tense point on the side of her face.
“Maybe a little,” Lex conceded, looking over at Clark, who was anxiously waiting his session. The young man paced around the kitchen area, stealing glances as Lex spoke to the doctor. “But not entirely.”
Yeh sighed and approached Clark. “I’m told you made a breakthrough without me yesterday.”
Clark appeared uncertain and turned to Lex for support.
How that boy had come to depend on him after believing him so strongly to be his nemesis, Lex would never know. “I’ve already told her what happened. You’ll be fine.”
Lex rolled into his room to read, but instead, waited at the door listening to Clark talk to his psychiatrist.
***
“Lex?”
“Hm?” Lex sat sleepily at his desk, flipping through the same file for a third time. He just couldn’t concentrate on anything these days, it seemed. It was a sign, he knew. He knew all the signs. But he wasn’t in the mood to read them, just now.
“This isn’t a penthouse?”
Lex turned to catch the hesitant and confused look on Clark’s face. This apartment was nice enough to have two rooms and two bathrooms, but was otherwise rather small. He had been using the other room as an office before taking in Clark. “No, it isn’t. I didn’t mean to mislead you. After I lost my job, I couldn’t afford my place, and I ended up in a one-room apartment. Came pretty close to having to give up and go on assisted living.”
Clark perked up and headed over to Lex’s side. “So this seems like a penthouse in comparison?”
“I suppose. But I called that rattrap ‘the penthouse’ as well,” Lex said with a slight curve of the lips. Clark looked at him intensely.
“Did you like your old job?”
“Yes. I loved it. Working as a research scientist… it was kind of my world.”
Clark leaned over the desk and peered at the file Lex had been examining.
“What do you do now?”
“I’m my father’s lackey.”
Clark grimaced.
“That’s pretty much how I feel. I’m his lackey, and I’m also a lackey he hired out of pity. Twice. He’s fired me once.”
“How does that show my mom his kindness?”
“Hm. By the time he fired me, Lucas had already come along.” Lex observed dryly. “I don’t think anything could have swayed her after that.”
“Lucas? Your brother?”
Lex leaned back and observed the young man’s face. “I remember you being jealous when I told you about Lucas.”
Clark sat on the edge of Lex’s desk. “He kidnapped you.”
”Not so much.”
Clark shrugged. “I guess I can get used to him. He’s your brother after all. Is he in your life much?”
“Not a lot. Well, not as much as I’d like. Your mom’s a little skittish about letting him around me… I do get to see him, especially on family occasions. You will soon enough.” Lex wheeled forward and nudge Clark with the side of his chair. “Besides, he’s your brother, too.”
Lex thought he might be as evil as Clark often claimed. He enjoyed his expression that much.
***
“I have to hand it to you, Lex, I never thought that Clark would improve under your care.” Lionel followed his son out of the conference room back to Lex’s office. Lex worked his arms, trying to roll faster than Lionel could walk. It had never worked so far, but who knew, today could be the day.
“You might want to give your accolades to his psychologist. I’m not certain I’ve had much to do with it,” Lex replied softly. The doors to his office opened automatically and he headed towards his desk. The walls drew up around them, white and unrelenting. Lionel gripped the back of his chair, holding Lex in place.
“I think you’re underselling yourself, son. I did speak to her. She wouldn’t give me much information.” Lionel stepped around to look Lex in the eye. Lex met his father with indifferent eyes. “You look pale, son. Are you taking your meds?”
“Mercy makes certain that I do.”
“And eating well? You aren’t keeping your weight up.”
“See above… mostly.”
Lionel sighed and looked at Lex critically. “I can have a chef sent over.”
“You know it isn’t that.” Lex looked to the floor beside his chair. Lionel grabbed his chin and forced him to meet his father’s eye.
“After a point, Lex, I expect progress.”
“I’m not a fucking project. Just be glad Mercy keeps me away from the razorblades,” Lex answered bitterly.
“Your threats are growing tiresome,” Lionel said with disinterest.
Lex wrenched away from his grasp and rolled backward. “Can’t you be happy that Clark is improving? He’s one of your sons, too. It’ll look a lot better on you if he manages to make it back into public again.”
Lionel shook his head dismissively. “I don’t want to see you sacrificing yourself for him again.”
“Dad…”
“You were hospitalized. Do you realize how much the newspapers love that?” Lionel began to pace.
Lex stiffened his mouth and blinked quickly. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t embarrass me,” Lionel ordered. He walked toward the door. Lex turned as quickly as he could.
“When can I see Luc again?”
Lionel paused at the doors. “I’ll ask Martha. You know she doesn’t like for him to be around you.”
“I’m not going to get him sick! You know that.”
“Actually these days I wonder if he might be more likely to get you sick.”
“The fever’s gone. I’m on my meds. There’s no logical reason that I can’t see my brother,” Lex protested a strident tone rising in his voice. The longer Martha kept his brother from him, the more likely it was that he wouldn’t be able to see him ever again. That crazy, backward woman.
“I’ve told you, I will see what I can do.”
“What about Clark?”
Lionel frowned. “He lives with you. I’m not going to take him away. Not for now, at least.”
“No, I mean, will Clark ever be able to see his brother?” Lex hated to ask favors of his father. He always ended up paying for them dearly, but as things were, Lex was already completely indebted to the man for employing him and paying for his medical bills.
“I may let Martha broach the subject on that one. She’s been visiting him. She should be able to see the difference first hand.”
Lex frowned pensively. That didn’t sound like the tone his father gave him when he was doing him a favor.
“Martha should be very pleased at this occurrence. If Clark does in fact improve, she may want to move him in with us.” His voice was leading, prodding, testing the waters, and his sharp eyes keened in on Lex’s every move.
Lex felt a chill and a pain. After all of those years alone in his various homes, it had been nice to have someone around who wasn’t being paid to be there. “He’s twenty years old. He shouldn’t be living with his parents.”
Lionel gave him a cold smile. “Your filial devotion is touching, as always.”
God fucking dammit, yet another string to jerk him around with. Lex closed his eyes and counted the pain meds he had left quietly in his mind.
“Don’t get so emotional about this, Lex. You know it isn’t good for you,” Lionel said as he left his office. Lex jerked his chair around and rolled to his desk.
No, you ass. Stress isn’t good for me, and you fucking know it. He opened the drawer and pulled out a small bottle of scotch and his pill case. He flipped the pills under Thursday into his hand.
“Take on an empty stomach,” he said blithely. He popped them in his mouth and took a swig.
***
At first it had been amusing for Lex to watch Clark try to navigate his apartment. All of the doorknobs and counters were low, and there was a weird shower stall and grab bars Lex’s bathrooms. The boy’s face had turned quite red when he’d asked what they were for. Mostly because the answer had occurred to him only after the question had left his mouth. Lex told him it was fine, but yet again, he could tell he wasn’t quite communicating with Clark. The boy remained jumpy around the house. If only Lex could be drunk all the time. He never seemed to have trouble telling people exactly what he felt when he was hammered.
After his encounter with his father, Lex came home to a strange sight. It wasn’t odd for Mercy to be hanging around after her session with Clark or on a day when she didn’t have training with Lex. She was here most of the time, actually, keeping an eye on both of them. But today she was playing video games with Clark and actually tolerating his presence.
“Uh, hey, Lex.” Clark turned awkwardly to look at him. His expression was cowed, so Lex figured that he must still look irritable.
“Don’t stop on my account.” He rolled into the kitchen to pour himself a drink. He could hear the game pause and Mercy moving quickly after him. She snatched the bottle out of his hand and looked into his eyes censoriously.
“One of these days, I’m going to turn social and do this at the bar with everyone else after work,” Lex informed her.
“You know the alcohol isn’t good for you,” Mercy said sharply. Lex rolled his eyes.
“Alcohol isn’t good for anyone.” Lex realized his speech was a little slurred. Oh well. He had finished off his bottle at the office.
Clark stepped into the room hesitantly. “Is… everything okay?”
“Peachy,” Lex said sardonically. Mercy put the bottle up onto a shelf where he couldn’t reach it. “That’s pretty low. Putting it up that high.”
“Do you want to die? Don’t answer that. Lex, if you keep this up, there’ll be nothing left of you.” She came down to his level. “I can’t let that happen. So if you think I’m a bitch, fine, but I’m not just going to let you check out.”
Lex pursed his lips and tried to focus on her face. She would be fine if he just… stopped being himself. Then he looked up at Clark. Worried, confused, still feeling guilty. Damn kid.
“Are your pain meds working?” Mercy asked.
Lex shrugged. “More or less.”
Her expression darkened quickly. “What the fuck did that man do?”
“He doesn’t change, Mercy,” Lex muttered. He leaned onto the arm of his chair and rested his head on his hand. Mercy straightened and got behind his chair.
“I think you need to lie down.”
He rubbed his forehead and caught another glimpse of Clark. The boy looked broken.
“Must be hard to see your hero turned villain become so fucking pathetic,” he said softly as Mercy closed the door to his room. She lifted him out of his chair and set him on the bed gently. Well, as gently as Mercy did anything.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not what he was thinking,” she replied, unbuttoning his shirt. Lex was fairly unresisting as she removed his clothing. She had seen all of his scars before.
Lex slept fitfully and woke feeling more tired, though more sober as well, than he was when he had laid down. Get up already, you lazy fuck, he thought irritably to himself. He eventually maneuvered into his chair and went back into the den.
Watching Clark and Mercy move around in the kitchen, Lex picked up the phone and dialed. His brain had been working overtime while he slept.
“This is Martha Luthor’s voice mail! If you have a message for me, please leave your name and contact information, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible! Have a good day!”
Lex rolled his eyes. Of course she was screening him. “Hello, Martha, this is Lex. I’m calling because I almost have Clark cleared to go outside the apartment soon, pending on Dr. Yeh. I’d just like to know what days you planned on visiting your son, so we aren’t out when you come by. Let me know? Thank you.”
Clark poked his head out of the kitchen. “What was that about? Dr. Yeh isn’t going to let me go anywhere.” He sounded nervous at the prospect of going outside. Funny, considering how eager he had been to leave.
“Just trust me on this, Clark.” His phone rang. Looking at the display screen, Martha had called him back. “Martha.”
“Sorry, Lex, I was in a meeting with someone and couldn’t get away.”
“I understand,” Lex said emotionlessly. Martha made a little sigh on the other end.
“How are you feeling, Lex? I heard you were in the hospital.”
“I’m doing better. I don’t really want to talk about my problems, though. I wanted to ask about Clark?”
“I think it’s great that he’s doing so well. I’m just amazed at how much you’re able to accomplish when you try!”
Lex almost gagged. “It’s really his accomplishment, not mine. How do you feel about him getting little more independence?”
“I think that would be wonderful for him. Is he really ready?”
“I’m not sure yet, but as soon as we are… well, like I said in the message…”
“Of course. Is it okay if I call first? I don’t often know what my schedule will be until the last minute.”
“Mm. I know you have a lot of charity work to take care of.”
“Yes, but I’ll come by when I can. Don’t worry if you’ve planned something on a day when I wanted to come by. I can always pick another day. I don’t want to slow Clark down in any way.”
“That’s excellent. Oh… Mercy is calling me for meds. Thank you, though.”
“Of course. Feel better, Lex.”
Lex set the phone back on the receiver and turned to Clark and Mercy who were watching him with confused and accusing eyes, respectively.
“What are you up to?” Mercy demanded.
”I don’t know that I want to see my mom more,” Clark said. “That makes me sound horrible, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all. Now when she calls, if you’re not up to it, you can tell her we’re doing something else. You don’t have to be bound to see her when she drops by.” Lex shrugged. Mercy walked around and rubbed his shoulders. “Your relationships need to be on your own terms, Clark. She can’t be controlling what you do.”
“You and I need to talk,” Mercy said in his ear.
“Isn’t that what I have Dr. Yeh for?” he replied cheekily. His body felt pressed down, even as Mercy tried to loosen his shoulders. He looked up to see Clark giving him a watery smile.
“I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing for me.”
Lex waved him off and rolled back towards the kitchen. “Whatever it takes to get you back on your feet.” And prevents Lionel from cutting them off for his own interests.
Clark followed him into the kitchen and showed him what he and Mercy had been cooking. Smelled like fish, and asparagus and other vegetables were cooking on the stove. He looked at Lex a little sheepishly. “I’m not really a good cook. Mercy told me that you are. But I tried to help. Plus, I cleared off the table and set us some places.”
Lex looked at the table in surprise. To his recollection, he’d never used it for its intended purpose. Three places were set, plus some scented candles someone had given him when he was in the hospital two years ago.
“You’re going to eat with us, Mercy?” Lex felt his face relaxing involuntarily.
Clark stirred the sauce on the stove. “Of course! You don’t want to eat alone, do you?”
Lex looked from one to the other, his eyes widening. Something was stirring inside him. “No. No, I don’t.”
***
Bright, warm sunlight streamed through the windows of the large office like shards cutting into Lex’s back. Hangovers were a bitch, especially at a job he loathed. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it or that he was bad at it. It was, simply, that he’d rather be doing research, discovering new, exciting things, and not playing the crippled diplomat to companies and people his father had wronged, invoking a pathos to his condition, or conditions if need be, that he generally preferred kept out of the prying eyes of the public.
He rubbed the back of his smooth head and continued to work drearily through the paperwork on his desk. When his phone rang, Lex considered ignoring it. He considered going for the spare bottle in the other drawer. It was a little early, though. He looked at the display and quirked his lips. Apparently, Lex Luthor was giving himself a call.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hey, Lex. I didn’t know if it was okay to call.”
He scribbled his signature on the paper in front of him. “If I were in the middle of anything crucial, Clark, I wouldn’t answer.” That had come out a bit more sarcastically than he’d intended.
“Oh.”
Lex waited a moment, reading through another file, then sighed at the silence on the other end. He wished he had the strength to pull the curtains closed by himself. His head was throbbing. “Why did you call?”
“I um… well, I kind of got bored and uh…”
Lex closed his eyes. Had he really expected anything different? “You just wanted to talk?”
“No. Well, uh…”
Lex frowned. “What then?”
“Why haven’t you published your articles? I mean… I guess this could have waited… I don’t know why I just picked up the phone and called you…”
“What articles? Have you been on my computer?”
“Um… and Mercy showed me the copy of the articles you worked on with your professors. They didn’t give you any credit, though.”
“That’s pretty much the tradeoff for being a grad student.” He signed again. One more down. Infinity to go.
“But couldn’t you publish some of your writing? I mean, you don’t like your job…”
“I’m sure no one in their right mind would want to hire me. And you do need some sort of credentials in the field to publish.” He looked at the stack of papers. He needed to call the HR department down in the plant in Oklahoma that his father had pissed off. And there was that takeover that he would have to do some feather smoothing on.
“But, Lex… you’re more than qualified for just about anything.”
Lex sighed. “I have a lot of paperwork to get to.”
“I’m sorry for bothering you.”
He cringed at Clark’s needy tone. He looked up at the sound of his doors opening to see his father enter. “You aren’t bothering me.”
“That’s good to hear, son,” Lionel boomed, tossing another file on Lex’s desk.
“I was talking to Clark.” Lex waved the phone in his right hand.
Lionel put one hand in his pocket and walked around the desk. “… he calls you? You let him? Is that a good idea, considering your history? I was under the impression that the two of you had very little contact.”
“He’s improved. You wouldn’t recognize him.” Lex tried to put the phone over his shirt.
“But he is still obsessed with you, isn’t he? This could be dangerous for you.”
“It’ll be fine. Do you have a business reason to be here?” Lex picked up the phone and said into it quickly, “I have to go, Clark.”
“Perhaps I should speak with Dr. Yeh. The boy was stalking you!”
“What? Stalking?” Clark yelped.
“He lives with me. What is he going to do, follow me around the apartment? Goodbye, Clark.” Lex ended the call. “Sometimes I think you want the two of us to shatter.”
“I’m your father. Both of you. Of course, I’m concerned for your welfare.” He put a firm hand over the back of Lex’s neck. The walls suddenly felt very close together for such a big office. “Perhaps we should move Clark to another location.”
“Dad, I think that would be a bad move on your part.” He let his shoulders go limp under Lionel’s grip. “But it’ll be your call. And you’ll be explaining to Martha why you decided to move her son out of the environment where he’s improving.”
Lionel smiled and tightened his grasp. “We’ll see. We’ll see. How is the takeover in Star City going?”
“Thinking about going over there for a meeting with the old CEO. She’s a mother of two boys, you know. One’s a track star at his school. Maybe I’ll take a picture of her face with my cell phone when she sees me.”
His father let him go and laughed. “Oh, sounds like a good choice. Have Michelle schedule it for you.”
Lex nodded and watched his father leave the office. While he was at it, he could ask Michelle to close the fucking shades for him. Maybe she wouldn’t give him that Poor Dear Look. He tapped the intercom. “Michelle, could you come in here for a moment?”
The secretary came trotting in with her notebook in hand. She knew him too well. He never called her in unless he needed her to do something. Once he had asked her if it bothered her, and she admitted that if she was going to go running all the way to someone’s office, she’d prefer it be important. If they wanted to “shoot the shit,” the big boys could damn well come to her because she had work to do.
“Hey there, Lex.” Her milk chocolate lips spread into a friendly professional smile.
“I need a meeting scheduled and to reserve the LuthorCorp helicopter.”
She walked quickly to his desk and started taking notes in shorthand. “Yeah, I can get that set up today. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Would you mind to…” He hesitated and weighed his options. The degree his headache told him this wasn’t entirely from his drinking last night. He might be lying on the office sofa soon. “Close the drapes?”
Oh, holy hell, the Look. Lex forced himself not to swear until she’d left, telling him in a maternal voice that she could bring lunch up for him, if he’d like. He was looking kind of thin.
Lex rubbed his forehead and tried to breathe a little before getting back to work.
***
“Excuse me?”
After work, Lex had changed into an amethyst sweater and put on a black ball cap, so people wouldn’t stare at him too much. Not as many people knew who he was anymore, but the shiny head drew attention in and of itself. He waved so the clerk behind the movie counter could see him. The clerk, a young man, possibly in college, leaned over to look at him. His light brown eyes widened in surprise, and he flinched seeing Lex’s amputated legs. Lex never liked that reaction, but he hated when people looked everywhere but at him in order to be polite. At least being shocked or unsettled was honest.
“Could you point me to where I might find movies a kid your age might like? He’s… he likes hero comics.” In spite of giving up comic books years ago, Lex had been quite fond of them, once upon a time. He knew for certain that Clark liked them. Enough to turn his own life into one.
“Uh, depends on which one it is.”
“I see.” Lex sat up in his chair and looked over the rows. He couldn’t possibly see the risers. Dammit. Maybe he’d just download a movie off the internet.
“Anything specifically? I can look ‘em up for you.” The clerk paused to check someone out.
“Warrior Angel? Anything from that universe.”
“Uh, there’s Warrior Angel Returns, and Daize has Black Diamonds, Silver Orchids and uh… the new one for Fab Five? On the Employee Picks.”
“Thanks, I think I’ll be good.”
But of course, the shelves for Employee Picks were out of his reach, and when he spotted the ‘Action’ section, it was accessible only after navigating about four stairs. Thwarted again! Since he didn’t feel inclined to maniacal laughter at the moment, Lex started to leave.
”Find everything?” A curvy woman in her early thirties with red and black streaked hair, alabaster skin, and a nose ring tossed her coat over the counter and addressed him as he was rolling towards the door. The coat smacked the other clerk in the face. Lex paused. “I can help? And make Tay do the new memberships.”
She nodded her head and gave a thumbs-up as though they were doing something horrible to the kid. Tay stuck his tongue out at her then lifted his nose into a pig snout and jerked his head over to a businessman who had just walked in, making a beeline for the Adult section. Funny, he didn’t look heavy. Daize gave a toothy grin regardless.
“Actually, I was looking for some movies within… I’m not sure what it would be, but you know how they’ve been doing comic remakes, you know, movies about masked heroes?”
“Oh? Right. Those are in Action, mostly. There’s this one in Comedy, which is pretty much Warrior Angel as a girl, well the names are different, and Devilicus as this guy who is practically fawning over her sexy bald self. Hilarious, if you like twisted retcons of your favorite comic frienemies.”
“The Devilicus character must have strange taste.”
“I’ve been a Warrior Angel fan since I was seven. Bald is sexy. And by the way? So is being blue.” She led the way back to the rows then hopped up the stairs to search. “This is why our store sucks, by the way. Don’t get me started about the Adult section. Okay, I’ll read the titles out for you as I find them, and you tell me what you think. Oh, gods. Have you seen Black Diamonds, Silver Orchids? I swear they never get my girl heroes right, but Orchid in this one is just amazing, not to mention drop dead gorgeous.”
Lex smiled. Sometimes it was okay to go out into the world.
***
Lex came in, late from work due to his stop off at the movie place and picking up Chinese. Clark was on the computer… playing some game, and obviously didn’t notice Lex come in. He closed the door quietly and moved himself so he was able to see Clark. Lex wondered if Clark was aware of how much he stared at him. He felt like he was watching Clark all the time, like the moment the boy was in the room, his eyes were attracted to him insatiably. At first, it had been because, well, the beating. He thought maybe something in Clark’s countenance would have shown him that the boy was about to go off and he should have been able to stop it. Thus, when he came to visit Clark in his room, his eyes remained firmly on him.
Except for that one time, and then Clark had almost gotten out. And that thought just about made Lex’s heart stop. Nothing would get Clark thrown back into a mental institution faster than if he was out wandering around. Or if he hurt someone by accident. Lex would ask himself why he felt responsible for something like that. Dr. Yeh did as well. Often. The obvious answer was Julian. It always seemed to be Julian, but underneath the transference and post-traumatic stress, Lex knew he felt responsible for Clark in his own right.
Who knew? Maybe he had done something to cause Clark’s obsession with him. Dr. Yeh’s answer to that was to take his anxiety meds.
Clark wasn’t doing much of anything, really. Just poking around on the computer. He was leaning on his fingers, looking bored. He rather needed a haircut. Or something. The curls were kind of getting out of hand. Clark gave a little sigh and muttered to himself softly. “How does he stand being so alone?”
A little unsettled, Lex set the dvds on an end table loudly enough so that Clark could hear. The young man turned and gave him a weak smile.
“Hey.” The curls framed his face and made him look boyish and earnest.
“I got us some movies. Since you can’t go out yet, and I’m sure you haven’t been able to keep up with the latest at the box office.”
“Um…”
Lex felt embarrassed. Come to think of it, it had been a bit presumptuous of him. “Don’t feel as though you have to. I just assumed if you were bored enough to be reading the articles I write, you really needed something to do with your time.”
“No, that’s awesome.” Clark headed to the kitchen. “I’ll get something to drink. What do you want?”
Lex paused to set the warm bags on the end table as well.
“No scotch,” Clark added. Lex jerked his head in Clark’s direction. Had the quivering basketcase just denied him his scotch? Clark poked his head out and looked at Lex. “How about rootbeer?”
“Um, I’ll have water, thanks.”
“Rootbeer is good.”
“Water is healthier. I think I’m out of green tea.”
“Oh?” Clark began to search the cupboards for green tea.
“Don’t worry about it. I should have gotten some when I picked up the Chinese. The place I go makes some excellent flavored teas.”
“Cool. I’ve uh… I don’t think I’ve ever had green tea.”
“Maybe sometime I’ll take you there. It’ll be less pathetic than going there alone all the time.”
Clark gave him a harsh look. “You aren’t pathetic.”
Lex rolled his eyes, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and moved back into the den. “Bring napkins.”
Clark came back looking sulky. “So, what are we watching?”
Lex tossed him the movies to look over. “You pick.”
The young man grinned widely, seeing the titles. “Uh, what’s… My Warrior Ex-Girlfriend?”
”Apparently a parody of Warrior Angel. One of the clerks suggested it.”
Clark shrugged and knelt by the entertainment system to pop it in. “I could use some comedy in my life.”
“Couldn’t we all.” Lex noticed his sweater rising up and pulled the sleeves down before Clark could notice.
About five minutes in, Clark was shaking with laughter. Lex found himself watching Clark as much as the movie. It felt as though he were outside himself, observing two men in their twenties sitting side by side on a couch and watching a romantic comedy for niche comic fans. One was laughing and smiling and full of life, if fidgeting a bit, and the other was sitting there and staring like a broken doll. Lex laid his head back and blinked hard. He shifted his back, trying to work out a pain in his spine. Clark probably wouldn’t notice if he took a pill early.
“Are you bored? We can watch something else?”
“No.”
“You so are. You aren’t laughing.”
“I don’t laugh,” Lex replied flatly.
Clark’s chin dimpled and he paused the movie. “You don’t have to spend time with me. And you don’t have to entertain me on the phone when you’re busy at work.”
Lex shook his head and pursed his lips, hoping that if his mouth made the motions, he could find something to say to him. He arched his back again uncomfortably.
“What is it?” Clark scooted closer. Lex winced at the shifting in the couch, and Clark’s face fell. He stood up. “I get it. You don’t have to forgive me either. I know I’ve made things really hard for you.”
“I forgive you,” Lex said immediately. After that he got stuck. He willed something to come to the surface, but nothing would come, and he began to rub the base of his skull, where pain was pressing against his spine like a hot iron.
“You do? Really?” Clark sat by him again and looked into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just a headache…” Lex paused as Clark’s questioning eyes pressed into him. “And my back hurts.”
Clark wrinkled his nose guiltily.
“You’ve got to stop looking at me like that.”
“Sorry.” Clark looked away, but was still clearly continuing feeling responsible for Lex’s pain.
“I don’t know what to say. Getting you to remember made it possible for me to forgive you and… that’s something I really needed to do. But it doesn’t really change anything for me. I guess I don’t know where I am now. Maybe it just puts all of the failures of my life back on me.”
“No, it doesn’t Lex. Something really bad happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe. But it was five years ago. I think my deadline on coping has run out. There are people with worse problems than me who somehow manage to make something of their lives.”
“It’s not a race, Lex.”
Lex scoffed. “Good thing for me.”
Clark blushed at his blunder. It was a little cute. “Yeah, well, it’s not a competition then.”
Lex balled his fists on his thighs. The left thigh, as always, was completely numb. The pain in his back was making him shake a little. Clark got up and left the room. He returned with the bottle of Scotch, a glass, and Lex’s pills.
“One glass. And you aren’t pathetic, you know. I think I’d just have to give up and die, if I were you.” Clark pressed his lips together and looked at him with shining eyes and embarrassment for his big mouth. “I don’t know which ones you need?”
Lex took the bottle of painkillers, counting how many he had left quickly before taking one out. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he supposed, that Clark knew where he kept them. Clark was watching him too, it seemed. “Thanks.”
“Thank you for forgiving me.”
“I couldn’t not,” Lex said with a small sip of the alcohol. It burned his throat pleasantly, and he tried to ignore Clark’s eyes on him. “Must suck. Putting so much of your fantasy world into someone who doesn’t really deserve it.”
“My obsession with you… went a lot deeper than you think. And everything I admired about you is still there.”
Lex remained skeptical. He was pretty sure everything worthwhile in himself, if it had ever existed, had long been lost. Clark leaned over and pulled him into his arms. Lex gritted his teeth and leaned on Clark, who began to rub his back slowly. He startled when Clark pulled him almost into his lap and continued to rub as he turned the movie back on.
“If you hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have realized that Jeri Jemes was supposed to be Warrior Angel.”
“You didn’t even get it when her nemesis showed up?” Lex froze as he felt Clark’s breath on the back of his head.
“I can be pretty oblivious sometimes.”
Lex lowed his lids a little wearily. He had no words, so he simply reached back and caressed Clark’s neck and face.
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum and living with Lex as he recovers. Lex, however, has problems of his own to contend with.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two:
Mercy stormed into the room and pulled the two men apart, her nostrils wide in rage. Lex looked up with swollen eyes and wiped a hand ashamedly across his cheek.
“Please, Mercy… “
“You’ve been in here for hours.” She scooped Lex up in her strong arms and carried him back to his chair. “God, Lex, you could have yelled for help. What if he’d-“
“But he didn’t.” Lex wormed away from her touch.
She left her hands on the arm of his chair and remained at Lex’s level. “But he could have, and he has before. Why do you always excuse his bullshit behavior?”
Lex looked over to Clark, who had curled up into his knees and continued to shake. He felt a stab of guilt for making the boy hurt that way. It didn’t matter that Lex logically knew it wasn’t his fault. Logic always failed him in that respect.
“I need to get Dr. Yeh on the phone,” Lex said, trying to sound professional. He assumed that this attempt did not work as Mercy rolled her eyes irritably and reached over to check his pulse. “Just get the damn phone, okay?”
“I’m not leaving you with him.”
Lex sighed and pushed his wheels vigorously, as he nodded for her to lead the way.
“Lex, don’t leave me again.” Clark’s voice chimed into the air like the plea of a wounded child. Lex thought momentarily that it might as well be Lucas, asking him to stay with him until things stopped being scary. He had to admit that the comparison was apt. They were both his little brothers.
“Get up, Clark,” Lex said softly. “I’m not leaving you. Follow me.”
“Are you out of your head?” Mercy looked down and crossed her arms.
“Probably,” Lex replied flatly. He continued rolling toward the open door, knowing that Clark was following him obediently as he sniffled and shook. Mercy flanked them, keeping her eyes firmly on the young man.
***
The call to Yeh had been brief and to the point: If Clark was secured, she didn’t need to come by immediately, but she warned Lex that he should probably lock Clark back in the room. He put the phone down and rolled over to the well-worn suede couch where Clark was sitting looking lost and, somehow despite his towering frame, small.
“Why… Lex, I did this to you. I ruined your life,” Clark whispered. He slumped over his legs and seemed to be trying to disappear into the couch.
“Actually, my life is such a mess. No one person could possibly have the power to have caused it all.” Lex tried to force some amusement into his voice, but the tone fell flat once again. Oh well. Lex placed his hand on the back of Clark’s neck. He wasn’t sure if there was anything to be said and if there were, he surely would have found it two years ago.
“Why did you keep coming to see me? How could you?” The muffled voice wormed its way into Lex’s detachment.
“Our therapists suggested it would be-“
Clark’s head shot up. “Mutually beneficial? Why? How could they possibly think that being forced to talk to your attacker could would be good for you?”
Stunned, Lex shook his head. “I… they thought that if you could see me, in person, you’d stop…” He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You’d have something real to hang onto. You’d eventually realize what was real and admit the truth to your delusions.”
“Yeah, ‘cause that worked.” Clark sniffed indecorously. Lex curled his lip at the snot running down Clark’s face, rolled his chair back to turn then rolled over to the bookshelf to fetch a tissue.
“I think at this point we can discount any skill from the Fairview staff,” Lex said, offering the tissue to Clark. He took it and blew his nose with a honk. Lex’s lips twitched a little. Again he found himself stuck for something to say.
“But… what did they think you’d get out of it?” Clark looked up again and implored him with his eyes.
Flickers of sadness. Irritation. Affection. All nibbling at the edges of Lex’s nerves, futilely.
“My doctors were concerned after the accident about my ‘failure to thrive,’ as they put it. I lost my job, physical therapy wasn’t going well, and I started to lose weight. The psychologist said that if I could attain some closure it might ameliorate my mental condition and get me back on track. Thus, my father forced me to do it.”
“Oh,” Clark muttered. Lex laced his fingers together and looked at him.
“It’s really hard to get closure when the kid who caused the accident is so traumatized by his actions that he can’t admit to them.”
”I’m sorry!” Clark wailed. Lex looked away and felt the fuzzy emotions circling his peripheral.
“I knew you’d never tell me what you’d done. I knew… pretty quickly.”
“Then why did you keep coming?”
Lex shrugged and handed him another tissue. “I… “
Their eyes met, and Lex could see the unrestrained want in Clark’s large green eyes. Not just want, but a long and painfully unfulfilled need.
“I wanted to believe in you.”
He could see that confusing muddying the pain in Clark’s eyes. Poor kid.
***
Dr. Yeh had appeared the next morning with a sour look and spoken harshly with Lex, reminding him of the issues they had covered with Julian.
“I’m not convinced that he’s ready to cohabitate with you fully. Please remember what I told you about transference.”
“I know all about that,” Lex snapped. “I’ve read enough psychiatry to teach a class on it. This… doesn’t have anything to do with Julian.”
Her lips condensed into a small tense point on the side of her face.
“Maybe a little,” Lex conceded, looking over at Clark, who was anxiously waiting his session. The young man paced around the kitchen area, stealing glances as Lex spoke to the doctor. “But not entirely.”
Yeh sighed and approached Clark. “I’m told you made a breakthrough without me yesterday.”
Clark appeared uncertain and turned to Lex for support.
How that boy had come to depend on him after believing him so strongly to be his nemesis, Lex would never know. “I’ve already told her what happened. You’ll be fine.”
Lex rolled into his room to read, but instead, waited at the door listening to Clark talk to his psychiatrist.
***
“Lex?”
“Hm?” Lex sat sleepily at his desk, flipping through the same file for a third time. He just couldn’t concentrate on anything these days, it seemed. It was a sign, he knew. He knew all the signs. But he wasn’t in the mood to read them, just now.
“This isn’t a penthouse?”
Lex turned to catch the hesitant and confused look on Clark’s face. This apartment was nice enough to have two rooms and two bathrooms, but was otherwise rather small. He had been using the other room as an office before taking in Clark. “No, it isn’t. I didn’t mean to mislead you. After I lost my job, I couldn’t afford my place, and I ended up in a one-room apartment. Came pretty close to having to give up and go on assisted living.”
Clark perked up and headed over to Lex’s side. “So this seems like a penthouse in comparison?”
“I suppose. But I called that rattrap ‘the penthouse’ as well,” Lex said with a slight curve of the lips. Clark looked at him intensely.
“Did you like your old job?”
“Yes. I loved it. Working as a research scientist… it was kind of my world.”
Clark leaned over the desk and peered at the file Lex had been examining.
“What do you do now?”
“I’m my father’s lackey.”
Clark grimaced.
“That’s pretty much how I feel. I’m his lackey, and I’m also a lackey he hired out of pity. Twice. He’s fired me once.”
“How does that show my mom his kindness?”
“Hm. By the time he fired me, Lucas had already come along.” Lex observed dryly. “I don’t think anything could have swayed her after that.”
“Lucas? Your brother?”
Lex leaned back and observed the young man’s face. “I remember you being jealous when I told you about Lucas.”
Clark sat on the edge of Lex’s desk. “He kidnapped you.”
”Not so much.”
Clark shrugged. “I guess I can get used to him. He’s your brother after all. Is he in your life much?”
“Not a lot. Well, not as much as I’d like. Your mom’s a little skittish about letting him around me… I do get to see him, especially on family occasions. You will soon enough.” Lex wheeled forward and nudge Clark with the side of his chair. “Besides, he’s your brother, too.”
Lex thought he might be as evil as Clark often claimed. He enjoyed his expression that much.
***
“I have to hand it to you, Lex, I never thought that Clark would improve under your care.” Lionel followed his son out of the conference room back to Lex’s office. Lex worked his arms, trying to roll faster than Lionel could walk. It had never worked so far, but who knew, today could be the day.
“You might want to give your accolades to his psychologist. I’m not certain I’ve had much to do with it,” Lex replied softly. The doors to his office opened automatically and he headed towards his desk. The walls drew up around them, white and unrelenting. Lionel gripped the back of his chair, holding Lex in place.
“I think you’re underselling yourself, son. I did speak to her. She wouldn’t give me much information.” Lionel stepped around to look Lex in the eye. Lex met his father with indifferent eyes. “You look pale, son. Are you taking your meds?”
“Mercy makes certain that I do.”
“And eating well? You aren’t keeping your weight up.”
“See above… mostly.”
Lionel sighed and looked at Lex critically. “I can have a chef sent over.”
“You know it isn’t that.” Lex looked to the floor beside his chair. Lionel grabbed his chin and forced him to meet his father’s eye.
“After a point, Lex, I expect progress.”
“I’m not a fucking project. Just be glad Mercy keeps me away from the razorblades,” Lex answered bitterly.
“Your threats are growing tiresome,” Lionel said with disinterest.
Lex wrenched away from his grasp and rolled backward. “Can’t you be happy that Clark is improving? He’s one of your sons, too. It’ll look a lot better on you if he manages to make it back into public again.”
Lionel shook his head dismissively. “I don’t want to see you sacrificing yourself for him again.”
“Dad…”
“You were hospitalized. Do you realize how much the newspapers love that?” Lionel began to pace.
Lex stiffened his mouth and blinked quickly. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t embarrass me,” Lionel ordered. He walked toward the door. Lex turned as quickly as he could.
“When can I see Luc again?”
Lionel paused at the doors. “I’ll ask Martha. You know she doesn’t like for him to be around you.”
“I’m not going to get him sick! You know that.”
“Actually these days I wonder if he might be more likely to get you sick.”
“The fever’s gone. I’m on my meds. There’s no logical reason that I can’t see my brother,” Lex protested a strident tone rising in his voice. The longer Martha kept his brother from him, the more likely it was that he wouldn’t be able to see him ever again. That crazy, backward woman.
“I’ve told you, I will see what I can do.”
“What about Clark?”
Lionel frowned. “He lives with you. I’m not going to take him away. Not for now, at least.”
“No, I mean, will Clark ever be able to see his brother?” Lex hated to ask favors of his father. He always ended up paying for them dearly, but as things were, Lex was already completely indebted to the man for employing him and paying for his medical bills.
“I may let Martha broach the subject on that one. She’s been visiting him. She should be able to see the difference first hand.”
Lex frowned pensively. That didn’t sound like the tone his father gave him when he was doing him a favor.
“Martha should be very pleased at this occurrence. If Clark does in fact improve, she may want to move him in with us.” His voice was leading, prodding, testing the waters, and his sharp eyes keened in on Lex’s every move.
Lex felt a chill and a pain. After all of those years alone in his various homes, it had been nice to have someone around who wasn’t being paid to be there. “He’s twenty years old. He shouldn’t be living with his parents.”
Lionel gave him a cold smile. “Your filial devotion is touching, as always.”
God fucking dammit, yet another string to jerk him around with. Lex closed his eyes and counted the pain meds he had left quietly in his mind.
“Don’t get so emotional about this, Lex. You know it isn’t good for you,” Lionel said as he left his office. Lex jerked his chair around and rolled to his desk.
No, you ass. Stress isn’t good for me, and you fucking know it. He opened the drawer and pulled out a small bottle of scotch and his pill case. He flipped the pills under Thursday into his hand.
“Take on an empty stomach,” he said blithely. He popped them in his mouth and took a swig.
***
At first it had been amusing for Lex to watch Clark try to navigate his apartment. All of the doorknobs and counters were low, and there was a weird shower stall and grab bars Lex’s bathrooms. The boy’s face had turned quite red when he’d asked what they were for. Mostly because the answer had occurred to him only after the question had left his mouth. Lex told him it was fine, but yet again, he could tell he wasn’t quite communicating with Clark. The boy remained jumpy around the house. If only Lex could be drunk all the time. He never seemed to have trouble telling people exactly what he felt when he was hammered.
After his encounter with his father, Lex came home to a strange sight. It wasn’t odd for Mercy to be hanging around after her session with Clark or on a day when she didn’t have training with Lex. She was here most of the time, actually, keeping an eye on both of them. But today she was playing video games with Clark and actually tolerating his presence.
“Uh, hey, Lex.” Clark turned awkwardly to look at him. His expression was cowed, so Lex figured that he must still look irritable.
“Don’t stop on my account.” He rolled into the kitchen to pour himself a drink. He could hear the game pause and Mercy moving quickly after him. She snatched the bottle out of his hand and looked into his eyes censoriously.
“One of these days, I’m going to turn social and do this at the bar with everyone else after work,” Lex informed her.
“You know the alcohol isn’t good for you,” Mercy said sharply. Lex rolled his eyes.
“Alcohol isn’t good for anyone.” Lex realized his speech was a little slurred. Oh well. He had finished off his bottle at the office.
Clark stepped into the room hesitantly. “Is… everything okay?”
“Peachy,” Lex said sardonically. Mercy put the bottle up onto a shelf where he couldn’t reach it. “That’s pretty low. Putting it up that high.”
“Do you want to die? Don’t answer that. Lex, if you keep this up, there’ll be nothing left of you.” She came down to his level. “I can’t let that happen. So if you think I’m a bitch, fine, but I’m not just going to let you check out.”
Lex pursed his lips and tried to focus on her face. She would be fine if he just… stopped being himself. Then he looked up at Clark. Worried, confused, still feeling guilty. Damn kid.
“Are your pain meds working?” Mercy asked.
Lex shrugged. “More or less.”
Her expression darkened quickly. “What the fuck did that man do?”
“He doesn’t change, Mercy,” Lex muttered. He leaned onto the arm of his chair and rested his head on his hand. Mercy straightened and got behind his chair.
“I think you need to lie down.”
He rubbed his forehead and caught another glimpse of Clark. The boy looked broken.
“Must be hard to see your hero turned villain become so fucking pathetic,” he said softly as Mercy closed the door to his room. She lifted him out of his chair and set him on the bed gently. Well, as gently as Mercy did anything.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not what he was thinking,” she replied, unbuttoning his shirt. Lex was fairly unresisting as she removed his clothing. She had seen all of his scars before.
Lex slept fitfully and woke feeling more tired, though more sober as well, than he was when he had laid down. Get up already, you lazy fuck, he thought irritably to himself. He eventually maneuvered into his chair and went back into the den.
Watching Clark and Mercy move around in the kitchen, Lex picked up the phone and dialed. His brain had been working overtime while he slept.
“This is Martha Luthor’s voice mail! If you have a message for me, please leave your name and contact information, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible! Have a good day!”
Lex rolled his eyes. Of course she was screening him. “Hello, Martha, this is Lex. I’m calling because I almost have Clark cleared to go outside the apartment soon, pending on Dr. Yeh. I’d just like to know what days you planned on visiting your son, so we aren’t out when you come by. Let me know? Thank you.”
Clark poked his head out of the kitchen. “What was that about? Dr. Yeh isn’t going to let me go anywhere.” He sounded nervous at the prospect of going outside. Funny, considering how eager he had been to leave.
“Just trust me on this, Clark.” His phone rang. Looking at the display screen, Martha had called him back. “Martha.”
“Sorry, Lex, I was in a meeting with someone and couldn’t get away.”
“I understand,” Lex said emotionlessly. Martha made a little sigh on the other end.
“How are you feeling, Lex? I heard you were in the hospital.”
“I’m doing better. I don’t really want to talk about my problems, though. I wanted to ask about Clark?”
“I think it’s great that he’s doing so well. I’m just amazed at how much you’re able to accomplish when you try!”
Lex almost gagged. “It’s really his accomplishment, not mine. How do you feel about him getting little more independence?”
“I think that would be wonderful for him. Is he really ready?”
“I’m not sure yet, but as soon as we are… well, like I said in the message…”
“Of course. Is it okay if I call first? I don’t often know what my schedule will be until the last minute.”
“Mm. I know you have a lot of charity work to take care of.”
“Yes, but I’ll come by when I can. Don’t worry if you’ve planned something on a day when I wanted to come by. I can always pick another day. I don’t want to slow Clark down in any way.”
“That’s excellent. Oh… Mercy is calling me for meds. Thank you, though.”
“Of course. Feel better, Lex.”
Lex set the phone back on the receiver and turned to Clark and Mercy who were watching him with confused and accusing eyes, respectively.
“What are you up to?” Mercy demanded.
”I don’t know that I want to see my mom more,” Clark said. “That makes me sound horrible, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all. Now when she calls, if you’re not up to it, you can tell her we’re doing something else. You don’t have to be bound to see her when she drops by.” Lex shrugged. Mercy walked around and rubbed his shoulders. “Your relationships need to be on your own terms, Clark. She can’t be controlling what you do.”
“You and I need to talk,” Mercy said in his ear.
“Isn’t that what I have Dr. Yeh for?” he replied cheekily. His body felt pressed down, even as Mercy tried to loosen his shoulders. He looked up to see Clark giving him a watery smile.
“I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing for me.”
Lex waved him off and rolled back towards the kitchen. “Whatever it takes to get you back on your feet.” And prevents Lionel from cutting them off for his own interests.
Clark followed him into the kitchen and showed him what he and Mercy had been cooking. Smelled like fish, and asparagus and other vegetables were cooking on the stove. He looked at Lex a little sheepishly. “I’m not really a good cook. Mercy told me that you are. But I tried to help. Plus, I cleared off the table and set us some places.”
Lex looked at the table in surprise. To his recollection, he’d never used it for its intended purpose. Three places were set, plus some scented candles someone had given him when he was in the hospital two years ago.
“You’re going to eat with us, Mercy?” Lex felt his face relaxing involuntarily.
Clark stirred the sauce on the stove. “Of course! You don’t want to eat alone, do you?”
Lex looked from one to the other, his eyes widening. Something was stirring inside him. “No. No, I don’t.”
***
Bright, warm sunlight streamed through the windows of the large office like shards cutting into Lex’s back. Hangovers were a bitch, especially at a job he loathed. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it or that he was bad at it. It was, simply, that he’d rather be doing research, discovering new, exciting things, and not playing the crippled diplomat to companies and people his father had wronged, invoking a pathos to his condition, or conditions if need be, that he generally preferred kept out of the prying eyes of the public.
He rubbed the back of his smooth head and continued to work drearily through the paperwork on his desk. When his phone rang, Lex considered ignoring it. He considered going for the spare bottle in the other drawer. It was a little early, though. He looked at the display and quirked his lips. Apparently, Lex Luthor was giving himself a call.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hey, Lex. I didn’t know if it was okay to call.”
He scribbled his signature on the paper in front of him. “If I were in the middle of anything crucial, Clark, I wouldn’t answer.” That had come out a bit more sarcastically than he’d intended.
“Oh.”
Lex waited a moment, reading through another file, then sighed at the silence on the other end. He wished he had the strength to pull the curtains closed by himself. His head was throbbing. “Why did you call?”
“I um… well, I kind of got bored and uh…”
Lex closed his eyes. Had he really expected anything different? “You just wanted to talk?”
“No. Well, uh…”
Lex frowned. “What then?”
“Why haven’t you published your articles? I mean… I guess this could have waited… I don’t know why I just picked up the phone and called you…”
“What articles? Have you been on my computer?”
“Um… and Mercy showed me the copy of the articles you worked on with your professors. They didn’t give you any credit, though.”
“That’s pretty much the tradeoff for being a grad student.” He signed again. One more down. Infinity to go.
“But couldn’t you publish some of your writing? I mean, you don’t like your job…”
“I’m sure no one in their right mind would want to hire me. And you do need some sort of credentials in the field to publish.” He looked at the stack of papers. He needed to call the HR department down in the plant in Oklahoma that his father had pissed off. And there was that takeover that he would have to do some feather smoothing on.
“But, Lex… you’re more than qualified for just about anything.”
Lex sighed. “I have a lot of paperwork to get to.”
“I’m sorry for bothering you.”
He cringed at Clark’s needy tone. He looked up at the sound of his doors opening to see his father enter. “You aren’t bothering me.”
“That’s good to hear, son,” Lionel boomed, tossing another file on Lex’s desk.
“I was talking to Clark.” Lex waved the phone in his right hand.
Lionel put one hand in his pocket and walked around the desk. “… he calls you? You let him? Is that a good idea, considering your history? I was under the impression that the two of you had very little contact.”
“He’s improved. You wouldn’t recognize him.” Lex tried to put the phone over his shirt.
“But he is still obsessed with you, isn’t he? This could be dangerous for you.”
“It’ll be fine. Do you have a business reason to be here?” Lex picked up the phone and said into it quickly, “I have to go, Clark.”
“Perhaps I should speak with Dr. Yeh. The boy was stalking you!”
“What? Stalking?” Clark yelped.
“He lives with me. What is he going to do, follow me around the apartment? Goodbye, Clark.” Lex ended the call. “Sometimes I think you want the two of us to shatter.”
“I’m your father. Both of you. Of course, I’m concerned for your welfare.” He put a firm hand over the back of Lex’s neck. The walls suddenly felt very close together for such a big office. “Perhaps we should move Clark to another location.”
“Dad, I think that would be a bad move on your part.” He let his shoulders go limp under Lionel’s grip. “But it’ll be your call. And you’ll be explaining to Martha why you decided to move her son out of the environment where he’s improving.”
Lionel smiled and tightened his grasp. “We’ll see. We’ll see. How is the takeover in Star City going?”
“Thinking about going over there for a meeting with the old CEO. She’s a mother of two boys, you know. One’s a track star at his school. Maybe I’ll take a picture of her face with my cell phone when she sees me.”
His father let him go and laughed. “Oh, sounds like a good choice. Have Michelle schedule it for you.”
Lex nodded and watched his father leave the office. While he was at it, he could ask Michelle to close the fucking shades for him. Maybe she wouldn’t give him that Poor Dear Look. He tapped the intercom. “Michelle, could you come in here for a moment?”
The secretary came trotting in with her notebook in hand. She knew him too well. He never called her in unless he needed her to do something. Once he had asked her if it bothered her, and she admitted that if she was going to go running all the way to someone’s office, she’d prefer it be important. If they wanted to “shoot the shit,” the big boys could damn well come to her because she had work to do.
“Hey there, Lex.” Her milk chocolate lips spread into a friendly professional smile.
“I need a meeting scheduled and to reserve the LuthorCorp helicopter.”
She walked quickly to his desk and started taking notes in shorthand. “Yeah, I can get that set up today. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Would you mind to…” He hesitated and weighed his options. The degree his headache told him this wasn’t entirely from his drinking last night. He might be lying on the office sofa soon. “Close the drapes?”
Oh, holy hell, the Look. Lex forced himself not to swear until she’d left, telling him in a maternal voice that she could bring lunch up for him, if he’d like. He was looking kind of thin.
Lex rubbed his forehead and tried to breathe a little before getting back to work.
***
“Excuse me?”
After work, Lex had changed into an amethyst sweater and put on a black ball cap, so people wouldn’t stare at him too much. Not as many people knew who he was anymore, but the shiny head drew attention in and of itself. He waved so the clerk behind the movie counter could see him. The clerk, a young man, possibly in college, leaned over to look at him. His light brown eyes widened in surprise, and he flinched seeing Lex’s amputated legs. Lex never liked that reaction, but he hated when people looked everywhere but at him in order to be polite. At least being shocked or unsettled was honest.
“Could you point me to where I might find movies a kid your age might like? He’s… he likes hero comics.” In spite of giving up comic books years ago, Lex had been quite fond of them, once upon a time. He knew for certain that Clark liked them. Enough to turn his own life into one.
“Uh, depends on which one it is.”
“I see.” Lex sat up in his chair and looked over the rows. He couldn’t possibly see the risers. Dammit. Maybe he’d just download a movie off the internet.
“Anything specifically? I can look ‘em up for you.” The clerk paused to check someone out.
“Warrior Angel? Anything from that universe.”
“Uh, there’s Warrior Angel Returns, and Daize has Black Diamonds, Silver Orchids and uh… the new one for Fab Five? On the Employee Picks.”
“Thanks, I think I’ll be good.”
But of course, the shelves for Employee Picks were out of his reach, and when he spotted the ‘Action’ section, it was accessible only after navigating about four stairs. Thwarted again! Since he didn’t feel inclined to maniacal laughter at the moment, Lex started to leave.
”Find everything?” A curvy woman in her early thirties with red and black streaked hair, alabaster skin, and a nose ring tossed her coat over the counter and addressed him as he was rolling towards the door. The coat smacked the other clerk in the face. Lex paused. “I can help? And make Tay do the new memberships.”
She nodded her head and gave a thumbs-up as though they were doing something horrible to the kid. Tay stuck his tongue out at her then lifted his nose into a pig snout and jerked his head over to a businessman who had just walked in, making a beeline for the Adult section. Funny, he didn’t look heavy. Daize gave a toothy grin regardless.
“Actually, I was looking for some movies within… I’m not sure what it would be, but you know how they’ve been doing comic remakes, you know, movies about masked heroes?”
“Oh? Right. Those are in Action, mostly. There’s this one in Comedy, which is pretty much Warrior Angel as a girl, well the names are different, and Devilicus as this guy who is practically fawning over her sexy bald self. Hilarious, if you like twisted retcons of your favorite comic frienemies.”
“The Devilicus character must have strange taste.”
“I’ve been a Warrior Angel fan since I was seven. Bald is sexy. And by the way? So is being blue.” She led the way back to the rows then hopped up the stairs to search. “This is why our store sucks, by the way. Don’t get me started about the Adult section. Okay, I’ll read the titles out for you as I find them, and you tell me what you think. Oh, gods. Have you seen Black Diamonds, Silver Orchids? I swear they never get my girl heroes right, but Orchid in this one is just amazing, not to mention drop dead gorgeous.”
Lex smiled. Sometimes it was okay to go out into the world.
***
Lex came in, late from work due to his stop off at the movie place and picking up Chinese. Clark was on the computer… playing some game, and obviously didn’t notice Lex come in. He closed the door quietly and moved himself so he was able to see Clark. Lex wondered if Clark was aware of how much he stared at him. He felt like he was watching Clark all the time, like the moment the boy was in the room, his eyes were attracted to him insatiably. At first, it had been because, well, the beating. He thought maybe something in Clark’s countenance would have shown him that the boy was about to go off and he should have been able to stop it. Thus, when he came to visit Clark in his room, his eyes remained firmly on him.
Except for that one time, and then Clark had almost gotten out. And that thought just about made Lex’s heart stop. Nothing would get Clark thrown back into a mental institution faster than if he was out wandering around. Or if he hurt someone by accident. Lex would ask himself why he felt responsible for something like that. Dr. Yeh did as well. Often. The obvious answer was Julian. It always seemed to be Julian, but underneath the transference and post-traumatic stress, Lex knew he felt responsible for Clark in his own right.
Who knew? Maybe he had done something to cause Clark’s obsession with him. Dr. Yeh’s answer to that was to take his anxiety meds.
Clark wasn’t doing much of anything, really. Just poking around on the computer. He was leaning on his fingers, looking bored. He rather needed a haircut. Or something. The curls were kind of getting out of hand. Clark gave a little sigh and muttered to himself softly. “How does he stand being so alone?”
A little unsettled, Lex set the dvds on an end table loudly enough so that Clark could hear. The young man turned and gave him a weak smile.
“Hey.” The curls framed his face and made him look boyish and earnest.
“I got us some movies. Since you can’t go out yet, and I’m sure you haven’t been able to keep up with the latest at the box office.”
“Um…”
Lex felt embarrassed. Come to think of it, it had been a bit presumptuous of him. “Don’t feel as though you have to. I just assumed if you were bored enough to be reading the articles I write, you really needed something to do with your time.”
“No, that’s awesome.” Clark headed to the kitchen. “I’ll get something to drink. What do you want?”
Lex paused to set the warm bags on the end table as well.
“No scotch,” Clark added. Lex jerked his head in Clark’s direction. Had the quivering basketcase just denied him his scotch? Clark poked his head out and looked at Lex. “How about rootbeer?”
“Um, I’ll have water, thanks.”
“Rootbeer is good.”
“Water is healthier. I think I’m out of green tea.”
“Oh?” Clark began to search the cupboards for green tea.
“Don’t worry about it. I should have gotten some when I picked up the Chinese. The place I go makes some excellent flavored teas.”
“Cool. I’ve uh… I don’t think I’ve ever had green tea.”
“Maybe sometime I’ll take you there. It’ll be less pathetic than going there alone all the time.”
Clark gave him a harsh look. “You aren’t pathetic.”
Lex rolled his eyes, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and moved back into the den. “Bring napkins.”
Clark came back looking sulky. “So, what are we watching?”
Lex tossed him the movies to look over. “You pick.”
The young man grinned widely, seeing the titles. “Uh, what’s… My Warrior Ex-Girlfriend?”
”Apparently a parody of Warrior Angel. One of the clerks suggested it.”
Clark shrugged and knelt by the entertainment system to pop it in. “I could use some comedy in my life.”
“Couldn’t we all.” Lex noticed his sweater rising up and pulled the sleeves down before Clark could notice.
About five minutes in, Clark was shaking with laughter. Lex found himself watching Clark as much as the movie. It felt as though he were outside himself, observing two men in their twenties sitting side by side on a couch and watching a romantic comedy for niche comic fans. One was laughing and smiling and full of life, if fidgeting a bit, and the other was sitting there and staring like a broken doll. Lex laid his head back and blinked hard. He shifted his back, trying to work out a pain in his spine. Clark probably wouldn’t notice if he took a pill early.
“Are you bored? We can watch something else?”
“No.”
“You so are. You aren’t laughing.”
“I don’t laugh,” Lex replied flatly.
Clark’s chin dimpled and he paused the movie. “You don’t have to spend time with me. And you don’t have to entertain me on the phone when you’re busy at work.”
Lex shook his head and pursed his lips, hoping that if his mouth made the motions, he could find something to say to him. He arched his back again uncomfortably.
“What is it?” Clark scooted closer. Lex winced at the shifting in the couch, and Clark’s face fell. He stood up. “I get it. You don’t have to forgive me either. I know I’ve made things really hard for you.”
“I forgive you,” Lex said immediately. After that he got stuck. He willed something to come to the surface, but nothing would come, and he began to rub the base of his skull, where pain was pressing against his spine like a hot iron.
“You do? Really?” Clark sat by him again and looked into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just a headache…” Lex paused as Clark’s questioning eyes pressed into him. “And my back hurts.”
Clark wrinkled his nose guiltily.
“You’ve got to stop looking at me like that.”
“Sorry.” Clark looked away, but was still clearly continuing feeling responsible for Lex’s pain.
“I don’t know what to say. Getting you to remember made it possible for me to forgive you and… that’s something I really needed to do. But it doesn’t really change anything for me. I guess I don’t know where I am now. Maybe it just puts all of the failures of my life back on me.”
“No, it doesn’t Lex. Something really bad happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe. But it was five years ago. I think my deadline on coping has run out. There are people with worse problems than me who somehow manage to make something of their lives.”
“It’s not a race, Lex.”
Lex scoffed. “Good thing for me.”
Clark blushed at his blunder. It was a little cute. “Yeah, well, it’s not a competition then.”
Lex balled his fists on his thighs. The left thigh, as always, was completely numb. The pain in his back was making him shake a little. Clark got up and left the room. He returned with the bottle of Scotch, a glass, and Lex’s pills.
“One glass. And you aren’t pathetic, you know. I think I’d just have to give up and die, if I were you.” Clark pressed his lips together and looked at him with shining eyes and embarrassment for his big mouth. “I don’t know which ones you need?”
Lex took the bottle of painkillers, counting how many he had left quickly before taking one out. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he supposed, that Clark knew where he kept them. Clark was watching him too, it seemed. “Thanks.”
“Thank you for forgiving me.”
“I couldn’t not,” Lex said with a small sip of the alcohol. It burned his throat pleasantly, and he tried to ignore Clark’s eyes on him. “Must suck. Putting so much of your fantasy world into someone who doesn’t really deserve it.”
“My obsession with you… went a lot deeper than you think. And everything I admired about you is still there.”
Lex remained skeptical. He was pretty sure everything worthwhile in himself, if it had ever existed, had long been lost. Clark leaned over and pulled him into his arms. Lex gritted his teeth and leaned on Clark, who began to rub his back slowly. He startled when Clark pulled him almost into his lap and continued to rub as he turned the movie back on.
“If you hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have realized that Jeri Jemes was supposed to be Warrior Angel.”
“You didn’t even get it when her nemesis showed up?” Lex froze as he felt Clark’s breath on the back of his head.
“I can be pretty oblivious sometimes.”
Lex lowed his lids a little wearily. He had no words, so he simply reached back and caressed Clark’s neck and face.