You Make Me Sick, Part Three
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum and living with Lex as he recovers. Lex, however, has problems of his own to contend with.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two
He was tall. Not as tall as Clark, but pretty tall. Smooth. Hairless. Clark blushed when he saw him here, speaking with Lionel Luthor in an annoyed tone. Wearing worn blue jeans that emphasized his skinny legs and muscular backside and a dark purple sweater. Clark had never seen a guy wearing purple before. Not in their small town anyway. Now that they were visiting Luthorcorp Tower, all bets were off, he guessed.
“Wow. His head is shiny,” Lana remarked. She pulled some of her long hair over her shoulder and started to twirl it around her fingers.
“He’s got really nice jeans. I wonder who he is?”
“Lex Luthor,” Pete said, coming up behind them. He raised a brow at Lana, who blinked at him blankly, then turned back to Clark. “He’s Big Daddy Luthor’s kid.”
“Does he work here?”
“Does he look like he works here? Nah, man, he’s like a scientist or something. They did an article on him in Scientific Revolution. Mr. Reve has a copy of it in his classroom.”
“Cool.”
“Clark, man. Stop staring. They’re looking at us.”
Lana buried her face into Clark’s chest and giggled. Lex looked over at him and gave a small frown and forced a smile before he turned back to talking to his father. Then he walked away, with a little swish in his step.
Pete laughed. “Guess he’s Lionel Luthor’s daughter.”
Lana giggled again. “No, girls have long hair, silly.”
“Stop it!” Clark yelled. “He’s not a girl.”
“Believe me, I’ve fielded an accusation or two on that account,” Lionel Luthor strolled over to them, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Are you three with the fieldtrip?”
“Yeah, these two just tend to wander,” Pete explained. Clark shuffled his feet shyly.
“Um. Lex… your son…”
“Yes?” Lionel asked. Clark blushed furiously. His mother came over.
“I’ve been looking for you!” she said crossly, putting her hand on Clark’s shoulder and trying to steer him around. “Clark, you have to stay with the group. Lana, are you alright?”
“Yes. Clark was just looking at this man’s son’s pants,” she said simply, as though it were a perfectly normal thing to do. “His head was really shiny.”
Clark almost fell over in embarrassment. “I was not!”
Lionel slipped past them and offered Martha a hand to shake. “I’m Lionel Luthor. Are these your children?”
“Martha Kent. Clark is my son. Lana’s a… she’s Clark’s little friend.”
“Little friend. Because I am small,” Lana explained serious, looking up at Lionel. She reached out and tried to tug his beard. Martha smacked her hand.
“Stop that.”
Lana started to pout and clung to Clark. Lionel laughed. “It’s alright. Come here, Lana.”
He leaned down and let her feel his whiskers. Lana squealed in delight. “Oh, they’re rough and fuzzy!”
“Yes, they are.”
She clapped her hands together happily.
“Is your husband here chaperoning too?” Lionel asked. Martha drew a bit of hair behind her ear.
“No, he works the farm. He couldn’t get away.”
He moved in behind her. Clark looked at the both of them in alarm. He grabbed his mother’s arm and pulled.
“Ow, Clark. You’re a big boy. Be gentle.”
“Come on, Mom. We need to get back to the group.”
“I think I might be able to help you a bit. Mind if I follow along?” Lionel stepped beside her. Pete wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes at the man. Together Lionel and Martha started walking back to the group without them. Clark grabbed Lana’s arm and dragged her along with him.
Pete rolled his eyes. “Luthor’s a skeeze, and his kid is a queer. If this is what I have waiting for me in the big city, I might as well stick to the sticks.”
Clark lay in bed, daydreaming as he waited for Lex’s alarm clock to go off. Since Clark’s days were so routine, he could easily determine how much earlier he needed to get up to catch Lex before work but now that he was getting used to it, his body was waking up at dawn anyway. It was what Clark had been used to on the farm, after all. Lex was, clearly, not much of a morning person. It was cute. He would get up every morning between 5:00am to 5:45am and grumpily wheel himself into the kitchen, bumping into things on the way. His eyes weren’t always open quite yet.
He would open the floor level refrigerator, pull out a bottle of water and a bottle of drinkable yogurt, and begin downing a seemingly endless number of pills.
“Uh, wow.” Clark appeared behind him. Lex jumped and rolled around, looking extremely pissed off. Clark had been watching him long enough to know, though, that he was pretty much cranky in the morning generally and not actually mad at him. It had taken Clark awhile to realize that Lex was often not responding to anything outside of himself.
“What?” Lex frowned and continued taking pills out of bottles.
“That’s a lot of pills.” Clark tried to keep his voice neutral. He bent over to reach into the refrigerator. He was getting used to the accommodations of Lex’s apartment. The kitchen was especially cool. Although it was small, there was an island with the stove and a counter in the middle of the kitchen so that Lex could role up sideways and cook for himself.
Lex looked at the medication in his hand. “I suppose I’ve grown accustomed to the pill pile.”
“Uh… what are they?”
He had just popped them in his mouth and began swallowing with the water. “A multivitamin, selenium, herbal immune system boosters then my regular cocktail. And pain and anxiety meds when I need them.”
“Cocktail?”
“Sustiva and Truvada. I take those about mid-morning, though.”
“Okay.”
“Feel free to cook something. I really can’t eat this early in the morning, but I have to head to work anyway.” He began drinking down the yogurt. Clark tried not to look at him. He knew that sometimes his expressions made Lex uncomfortable, and in turn, Lex couldn’t really verbalize everything that was going on inside of him. Instead, he walked over and put a hand lightly on his shoulder. Lex reached up, put his hand over Clark’s briefly then rolled away to put his container in the recycling bin.
It was a start.
Remembering a comment that Lex had made a little while ago to his father, Clark hesitated. He had been about to follow him to the door. He didn’t want to actually be following him around the apartment. That was just pathetic. Instead, he began making breakfast.
In the middle of whipping his eggs, he heard the phone ring. He walked over to it quickly, wondering who it could be. No one ever called Lex, besides Mercy, and she was probably on her way over by now.
“Hello?”
“Clark!”
He winced at the cheerful sound of his mother’s voice. “Hi.”
“Goodness, you’re up early.”
“I like to see Lex off in the morning.”
She was silent. He felt tension growing in his back. Maybe she remembered him stalking Lex, too.
“He seems down. I just want to make sure he sees another human being before he goes to work.”
“That’s sweet, Clark.”
“He does a lot for me. I want to help.”
“I’m sure you do! Things are so hard for him,” she said wistfully. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could do with a visit this afternoon?”
Now Clark was hesitating. He would like to spend the afternoon with Lex, although there didn’t seem to be many activities that Lex really got into. Maybe she wouldn’t stay long. Or maybe, she’d be here around the time Lex was here, and she would start to take him in as well. He’d always hoped that would a happen. He remembered his mom as a protective sort of person. Without Lionel around… “Sure, um, about what time?”
“How about three?”
Lex came home about four or five. Maybe they’d make it. Maybe he’d bring home dinner and a movie again and then the three of them could sit together like a family. “Okay.”
“Oh, wonderful. I’ll see you later, Clark.”
“Bye, Mom.” He set down the phone and headed back to making breakfast. He tried not to hope too hard that this would work. His mother seemed awfully hesitant around Lex, considering Clark had been the one in the wrong.
Clark set the stolen copy of Scientific Revolution in the bottom drawer of the dresser next to his bed next to the pictures he had collected of Lex here and there. He was a hard guy to come by. Especially since Clark lived in Smallville and couldn’t see him often. Lately, though, he had been by, consulting with the plant managers about something. So when he dropped by the Beanery for a no foam double cappuccino, Clark could watch Lex as he sat by himself, by a window, crossing his legs at the knee, and read, sipping his coffee delicately.
The pictures were getting him by. At night he would open the drawer and stare at them with his flashlight. He hoped he’d soon have the courage to talk to Lex in person. Clark sighed softly, but smiled at the photograph included with the interview.
“Clark?” His father opened the door abruptly. Clark startled and pushed the drawer shut.
“Hey, Dad…”
“Sorry, t’scare ya, son. But we gotta get movin or our veggies aren’t gonna make it to the fair t’morrow.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll change and come out and help.”
“Good boy.” Jonathan left as abruptly as he’d come in. Clark took a deep breath. He didn’t know why he had to keep this secret. But he had to. Other people just wouldn’t understand that he and Lex had a destiny together.
Clark supposed it was telling of Dr. Yeh’s skills as a psychiatrist that he was feeling creeped out by thoughts that had come from his own brain. No wonder Lex had been skittish around him sometimes. Clark took his plate of eggs with him to the computer. It was a laptop, but a nice one. Most of Lex’s things looked as though they had been acquired second hand, but the laptop looked pretty new.
Now, what had Lex said? Clark supposed he could just go into the drawer and look at the labels… “Sesteva… is Spanish for something. Um…”
He forked some eggs and chewed thoughtfully. Was snooping through Lex’s things crossing a line back to loonyville? “Sestiva… oh, Sustiva.”
He clicked on the corrective link and started to read around.
“The mutant healing powers… and immune system… How the hell did I forget this?”
***
Martha was running late that afternoon, and Lex was running early, apparently. He came in at about 3:30pm, looking as though he wanted to shred something alive and went immediately to his room. Clark stood in place, unsure of how to react. It was good that Lex was here, but he probably wasn’t going to be in the mood to bond with anyone.
Clark walked over to his door and knocked.
“Fuck off, Clark,” Lex said sharply.
“I um…uh…”
“Later!”
Clark jumped back from the door and went to sit in chastisement on the couch. He was starting to think he sucked at this stuff. When there was a knock on the door, Clark answered quickly and opened the it to see not only his mother, in a matching skirt and blazer, accompanied by a small scruffy-haired boy trussed up in a stiff long-sleeved shirt and dress pants. Martha leaned in for a hug.
“Clark, I don’t think you’ve ever gotten to meet your baby brother Lucas!”
“Hi!” Lucas yelled. Clark raised a brow at the tiny kid. He was probably about three or four years old.
“Hey, Lucas. I’m Clark,” he replied stiffly. The kid squirmed a little at his mother’s side. Martha walked in and began to pull off her white leather gloves.
“Lex’s apartment has always been so interesting” she said with a fake smile.
“Yeah.” Clark couldn’t think of anything to say to his mother. Hopefully she wouldn’t start to go on about the society ladies and charity events.
Just then, Lex rolled out, changed from his work clothes into something much more relaxed. He called playfully, “Did I hear a Luc out here?”
“Lex!” the little boy cheered. Then he darted out of the room for a moment, and Clark could hear the kitchen sink running. Then the boy ran back in with wet hands and tried to crawl up into Lex’s lap.
“Oh, honey, why… um.” Martha appeared incredibly nervous.
But Lex was grinning in a way that Clark had rarely if ever seen him grin. He pulled his baby brother into his arms and, laughing a little, started asking questions about what he was learning from his tutors. Lucas snuggled in and began to chatter.
Martha swooped down and plucked Lucas back up. “Don’t bother your brother, Lucas.”
“He’s not bothering me, Martha. I enjoy spending time with him.” He looked at Lucas. “Did Mommy tell you to wash your hands before seeing me?”
He shook his head. “No, Daddy did.”
“Did he? That was thoughtful of him.”
“He said… you got sick,” Lucas said unhappily. Martha set him on the ground, and Lucas just ran right back up to his brother.
“It wasn’t so bad.” Now Lex was eyeing Martha, waiting for her to take his brother from him yet again.
“You were in the hospital!”
“Yeah. I take awhile to bounce back sometimes. But I’m good as new now.”
Lucas smiled, reassured. Lex rubbed the little boy’s back and looked up at Martha. “It’s good of you to visit us.”
“I… thought that Clark should meet his brother. Is Mercy not here?”
“She was here this morning,” Clark offered.
Martha frowned. “And the two of you are here alone.”
“For about five minutes,” Lex said sharply. “I got off early today. Mercy will probably come by… around five or six, if she does.”
Martha pursed her lips. “I see. Well. Hm.”
She was cut short by her cell phone, which she looked at then immediately answered, turning away from all three of them. Lex shot Clark an irritable look. Clark shrugged.
“What do you want to do, Lucas?” Lex asked. “I think we have some movies left over to watch. You still like Warrior Angel, right?”
”Yes!”
“Not so loud, baby! Mommy’s on the phone.”
“Yes!” Lucas whispered. Lex messed with his hair.
“We can put that on to watch. I don’t have any other games here, though, except Mercy’s fight games and first person shooters. I know your mom doesn’t want you playing those. I’m sorry.”
“S’okay, Lex.”
Martha got off the phone. “We have to go.”
“No!” Lucas shouted. Clark was about to roll his eyes. His baby brother was a hyper little brat.
“Come on, sweetie. You can visit with Clark another day.”
Lex’s face fell. “Listen to your mommy, Luc.”
“I wanna stay here with yooou,” he complained. Clark felt incredibly bad. Lex and Luc looked so damn happy together.
“Do you have to go somewhere? We could look after Luc for a few hours,” Clark offered.
His mother looked at him skeptically. “Alone with the two of you.”
“Please, Mommy, please!” Lucas begged. “I haven’t got to see Lex since Christmas!”
“No, baby. We have to go.”
Lucas started to make a whining noise.
“If I called Mercy over, could he stay?” Clark asked. She looked at him sympathetically.
“I did want to give you a chance to meet your brother…”
Clark got on the phone and called her. “Hey, Mercy.”
“Clark? … you can use the phone?”
“Ha ha. Bitch.”
“Clark. Language!” Martha admonished. She had pulled Lucas away from Lex once again and was holding him firmly by the shoulder so he wouldn’t try to crawl in his older brother’s lap again.
“Sorry. Anyway, Mom brought Lucas over-“
“Really? Wow. I thought she had a terminal fear of Luc catching Lex’s ‘queer’ disease.”
Hearing that made him tense and want to glare at his mother. “Yeah, well, she has to go, and she wants someone else to be here if she’s going to leave Lucas with us for a little while.”
Mercy sighed heavily. “I’m not going to be able to make it over there until 5:30pm at the earliest. I’m sorry, Clark; I’m out of town. Unless I learn to teleport in the next ten minutes, it isn’t going to happen.”
“No, I understand. There’s nothing you can do.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault.”
”I know, but Lex just perks up so much around his baby brother. I wish I could do this for him.”
“Yeah. See you later.” Clark hung up and turned around to see Martha packing up and Lex looking as though he’d been slapped. Clark’s mother hugged him again before she left. Lucas started whining loudly to his mother. What a fiasco.
By the time Mercy showed up, Lex had been sitting alone in his room for a while, and Clark was getting worried.
“Don’t worry,” She gave him a strong squeeze on the shoulder and headed to Lex’s room. “I’ve seen him in every mood possible.”
Nevertheless, she rubbed the back of her neck anxiously before she went into the room. She came out about twenty minutes later, looking frustrated. “He’s fine. Reading.”
“Really?”
“Just leave him alone. We’ll have dinner, and I’ll ply him with some food later.”
Clark motioned to the kitchen with his head. “I started dinner. I’m sorry.”
“For starting dinner?”
“For letting my mom come over. I didn’t know she was going to be bringing Lucas.”
Mercy shrugged and leaned against the back of the couch. “I wish I didn’t have to pay the bills. I just can’t be here all the time.”
“You shouldn't have to.” Clark went to lean beside her.
“Someone has to keep an eye on you two.”
“I’m not going to hurt him again!” Clark protested. Mercy pulled out a pack of cigarettes and began tapping the back.
“Hate to break it to you, twinkie, but I don’t think if you did, it would be under your control.”
***
Weekends were strange, because the routine broke down. Clark still got up pretty early, but it wasn’t uncommon for Lex to sleep most of the day. He had time with Mercy in the afternoon, but he wouldn’t come out unless she coaxed him into it, then he would roll out looking as tousled as a person without hair possibly could and vaguely embarrassed.
“Be a good friend, Clark, and don’t bother him. It’s hard enough for him to wake himself up, let alone face someone else.” She was like a mean big sister sometimes. Bossy.
“You bother him,” Clark had pointed out, a little more sulkily that he had intended. She pursed her lips and gave him a harsh look.
“It’s my job to make sure that he stays mobile,” she had replied shortly. Properly chastised, Clark had found something immediately pressing to do in his room.
He found himself cleaning a lot when Lex wasn’t up and around and when Clark wasn’t being pulled around by Mercy or Yeh. It was weirdly soothing to have everything in its place. That afternoon, however, Mercy had called to let him know that she wasn’t coming over.
“Why?” Clark asked.
“Lex knows why.”
“Has he been naughty?”
Mercy snorted. “Always. But, no, I’m not punishing him, I just have family in town from California, and I have to pick them up at the airport.”
“Oh, well have fun then. What should I do with him?”
“You aren’t babysitting him.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Leave him alone. Don’t make me separate you two again.”
Clark nodded, then realizing that she couldn’t see said, “Fine. I’ll leave him alone.”
He put the phone down and proceeded to sneak into Lex’s room. He had managed to slip in once or twice when Mercy wasn’t around already. Clark just watched him from the door, mostly. If he wasn’t sleeping, he would be reading or just lying there staring at the ceiling. It was kind of hard to see him so low, but Clark figured that if Lex had to live it, he could make himself watch.
Lex looked small and still under the covers, and for some reason, today Clark felt brave. He padded softly across the cold wooden floor and crouched by the bed. Lex’s normally creased brow was smooth, white. He often looked so much older, so much like someone had their hand on the back of his neck and was pushing him down so hard that he couldn’t move. Sleeping… well, he didn’t look stereotypically peaceful, but he looked much less weighted down.
Clark had no idea how long he had been sitting there when Lex’s arm stretched out of the covers. Clark jumped, thinking he was going to be caught, but Lex only made an unhappy noise and shifted his body a little bit. He was wearing soft flannel pajamas and the sleeve had slipped most of the way down his forearm. Clark leaned over to look at Lex’s long fingers. He had always liked to watch Lex’s hands when he talked, when he was telling him something exciting.
When had Lex ever been that animated? Clark struggled to remember. It must have been around the time he was still with Helen and Lucas had just been born. He had few memories of Lex being happy, but he did have some, or what he thought were actual memories, of them having long conversations. He slid a finger down the delicate, pale skin of Lex’s wrist and a slight smile touched his lips, feeling the soft flesh there. Then tears pricked at his eyes.
He saw the thick white scar running vertically down the inside of Lex’s forearm. Past the wrist, down the arm, hitting the inside of his elbow. Clark bared his teeth in a grimace.
”I’m not going to be back, Clark,” Lex said resolutely. His eyes darted all over, unable to focus.
Clark looked up. He had been talking to Lex about the cave prophecy and a magic knife that he needed to use… and suddenly, things were different, and he was looking up at Lex in fear. They weren’t in the castle. His eyes opened wide. “What do you mean?”
“Tonight, I’m going to go home and run a hot bath. Then, I’ll take all of my pain medications and slit my wrists. I’m sure no one will come to see me. It’s my nurse’s day off.” Lex gave him a tight smile.
“You…. Lex… what?” Clark watched him, not believing what he was hearing. Lex Luthor was one of the strongest people he’d ever met. He would never try to kill himself. This must be a trick. His father trying to hurt him!
Clark remembered that Lex had stopped coming two years ago, although he had kept writing a part for him in his dreams anyway. He wiped his tears away, but couldn’t stop staring at that scar and thinking about its twin on the other wrist. Thinking about what Lex must have been feeling when he did this. At the time, Lex had seemed so calm and rational about it.
Lex had always tried to put on a brave face for Clark. When he had first come to visit him after the accident, he had clearly been crying, but made no mention of it. He’d simply sat down in front of Clark and asked him about his day. Even when Clark was raving, he would come, he would caress his face and try to pull him back to being that boy who he sat with and had great conversations. Maybe it wasn’t a legendary friendship. Maybe no one would have paid to read it, but it was something for Clark to hold onto. It was real.
But where was Lex’s family, putting on the brave face for him? Trying to help him through the trauma from the accident, the loss of Helen, the sickness? Where the fuck were they? Clark felt the tears coming down harder, angrier.
He had been lost in his own mind. Lionel had fired Lex, cut him off, humiliated him. Threatened to take Clark away from him. Let his mother deny him access to his baby brother.
“Nothing but a fucking pack of murderers,” Clark whispered. He sniffed again and stood, pulling the blanket up over Lex’s narrow, bent shoulders.
Lex’s eyes opened a little bit, and he mumbled, “Mercy?”
“No, she’s gone today, remember?” Clark wiped off his face, forced himself to breathe, and knelt beside him.
“Oh, Clark… mm. Did you need something from me?” Lex seemed to wake a little bit more and rolled his head over to look at him more directly.
“Um,” Clark tried to make his voice not shake. “No, I don’t need anything. Just, if you want to do something or need anything. I’m here.” He grinned a little and continued mockingly, “Hanging around. Not going anywhere.”
“I’m fine.” Lex’s face was more awake now, and he looked embarrassed. Lex was not ‘fine.’ Clark realized that he must feel vulnerable and a little pathetic for sleeping so much.
Clark tried to shrug, act as though it didn’t matter. “I could make some waffles.”
Lex frowned. “It’s two in the afternoon.”
“Waffles are an all day food,” Clark asserted. “Or they should be.”
“Hm. Sure, why not. I uh, should go take a shower. I’ll be out in a minute.” Lex struggled a little, getting out of bed and into his chair. Clark watched him, frowning. He got up and headed to the door.
“Um, do you have a recipe for waffles?”
Lex gave a short laugh. “That puts a kink into our nefarious plans, doesn’t it? You can find one online. I’m sure I know the basic ingredients, though.”
He rolled up beside Clark.
“I thought you wanted to take a shower.”
“I do. I just can’t have you setting the penthouse on fire.”
Clark chuckled. “If I do, I’ll just run round the fire so fast it smothers.”
Lex looked up at him with uncertainty. Clark gave his shoulder a squeeze and walked in front to get the door. “I’m kidding. Too soon?”
“No. No, that was hilarious,” Lex replied flatly.
“So is calling this a penthouse, Warbucks.”
“That reference would be funnier if I weren’t bald,” Lex grumbled. Clark hesitated in the middle of the den. “Now I’m kidding.”
“Okay. Sorry, I remember you being sensitive about that.”
“I am, but I have more glaring oddities these days.”
They entered the kitchen, and Lex pointed to the cabinet on the other side of the fridge.
“How did you lose your hair if it wasn’t meteor rocks? Or is it nosy to ask?”
“It’s not nosy. I’ve told you before.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out eggs and butter, setting them in his lap. “Could you get the milk?”
Clark bent over and lifted the jug easily then set it on the counter.
“It all fell out when I was nine. I’m allergic to my hair. It’s a condition called Alopecia.”
“Weird,” Clark said, before he could think about it. “Sorry.”
“Well, it is weird. Almost unbelievable. It’s like when I was in the womb, I rolled for looks and critically failed. You should have seen my mom cry about it.” He set the eggs and butter up with the milk and frowned. “Um, baking powder. Salt. Maybe a little sugar. We have some strawberries in the freezer. Or we could cut up some apples. Or we could steal Mercy’s chocolate chips.”
“Dare we?” Clark grinned, grabbing a bowl.
”For great evil,” Lex replied. “If only Mom could see me now.”
“I wish she could.”
“She was crazy,” Lex said tensely. Clark shook his head and got out the beater.
“She had postpartum psychosis. I remember this. It wasn’t her fault.” He broke an egg over the bowl. “If it’s anyone’s, it’s Lionel’s. Asshole. He just loves pushing people until they break.”
Lex looked up at him with a little bit of wonder.
“Sorry. I was thinking she might be able to give a little support.”
“I really don’t think I have it in me to take care of her right now. She wasn’t great on the support when she was alive. She needed too much of it herself.”
Clark paused. “Where are the measuring cups? I don’t believe that. I think… if you both need support, you can prop each other up.”
Lex rolled over to the drawer above the cabinet and pulled the cups out. “It’s a theory. It’s also called codependence.”
“Who in the world is completely independent?”
“I dunno. I would like to be,” Lex said bitterly. Clark turned around and put his hands on his thighs. Lex started to smirk at the sight of him. Clark was a little covered in flour.
“Everyone needs other people. That’s why we’re humans and not… like… um. An animal that doesn’t need people… wolves!”
“Wolves are pack animals. And I’m not sure there are any animals that actually need people. Maybe housecats.” The smirk grew.
“Fine, you evil genius. Tell me an animal that’s solitary.”
“Bears, mostly. Three-toed sloths. Panthers. Leopards. Aardvarks. Um….are we including all fauna in this?”
“Shut up,” Clark replied merrily. “Weren’t you going to take a shower?”
“I was going to make sure you don’t destroy my apartment.”
“You can trust me with waffles.”
”I hope so. For your sake. Or I’ll be getting out the death ray.” Lex rolled towards the arch between the kitchen and the den.
“Spare me your death ray, Lex.” Clark blushed, thinking about what else that could mean. He stepped over to the doorway and leaned in it for a moment, watching Lex head to his bathroom and realizing how precious Lex was to him.
I love that man, Clark thought sadly. And for some reason, the thought did not come as a surprise. It did however horrify him to be watching the man he loved struggling through, dying slowly of the living death of depression. He blinked back tears and wished that Lex’s problems could be dealt with as easily… Well, not easily, since Clark still had his issues and the schizophrenia wouldn’t be going away… he still heard voices on the edge of his mind sometimes. But Clark wanted Lex to find some sort of path and start getting better somehow. The few weeks he had spent with Lex, Mercy, and Dr. Yeh had helped him get a handle on his life more than four years in Fairview had.
Clark jerked suddenly, flew to the drawer where Lex kept his medication, then ran into Lex’s room. “Lex, you missed your dose today!”
Lex looked back at him with a bit of shock. He had taken his pajama top off already and moved his hands to cover his scars. A long, jagged one cut across his skinny, muscular belly and several thick surgical scars streaked down his back. Clark ignored his marred body and dropped the pills into his hand.
“Sorry. But if you don’t take your pills on time, your viral load could increase and your T cells could go down and you’ll get sick.”
Lex took them, his eyes shutting down defensively. “I see you’ve been Googling HIV treatment.”
“I Googled the names of your meds. I… do you need some water?” He darted back to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of water. Lex had covered himself.
He took the water and downed his pills. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Clark sat on the end of the bed. Lex continued starring at him with a guarded expression. Then his eyes relaxed a little, and he looked into his lap.
“To be honest, it was kind of sweet… when you added my mutant abilities to the mythos. The healing and the kick ass immune system? Heh. It felt like…” Lex pressed his lips together. “You were telling me that… if you could take my sickness away, you would.”
“I would. I’m sorry that I can’t.”
Lex lifted his chin and looked up at Clark with a bit of sad admiration. “If my life were a comic book, I’d let you write it. I’m a pretty cool guy in your fantasies. If a little wicked.”
“I wish you knew how cool you are in real life.”
Lex bowed his head, his cheeks reddening a little as his eyes flitted back up in disbelief. Clark reached over and touched his face lightly, before heading back to the kitchen to give Lex some privacy. He heard an unreadable sigh as he left.
Clark looked up a recipe online and went into the kitchen again by himself to begin cooking. This wasn’t so difficult. As he plucked up the ingredients and began mixing them together, the gears in his head kept turning over and over. Clark set down the mixing bowl and went to pick up the phone. He dialed and pinned the phone between his shoulder and ear to wait for the voicemail message to end.
“Mom? This is Clark. I know that you’re busy, but I thought… you’re right. I should be spending more time with my little brother. The thing is, I uh… I need a structured schedule, so it throws me off a little if you just drop by. I feel weird saying that, but it’s hard for me to handle. So maybe we could schedule days for him to come over? Then we could be sure that Mercy is here if you have to leave, and I could spend more time with my brother. Yeah, so… let me know. Love you.” Clark turned off the phone and busied himself preparing the waffles.
When Lex rolled back into the den, fresh from his shower and curling the ends of his lavender sleeves over his fingers, Clark had made a couple of waffles and was waiting to start the next batch. “Nice shower?”
“As good as it gets. It seems the penthouse has survived your cooking.”
Clark grinned. “I can cook by myself! I’m one step better than Lana!”
“Oh, that was cold. Don’t you like your girlfriend anymore?” Lex teased softly. Clark rubbed his forehead.
“Hush. Have a waffle.” Clark set a plate in Lex’s lap. He poured some more batter into the iron. “God, what am I going to do about her?”
Lex began to cut the waffle neatly into squares. “Why would you have to do anything?”
Clark shrugged. “I feel bad. She’s all alone.”
“I don’t think she notices as much as you think.” Lex took a bite and cocked his head. “You make a good waffle. I might have to keep you for my little wife.”
Clark doubled up laughing.
“Don’t burn the waffles, lil miss.”
“That’s Mrs. Luthor to you.” He checked the iron.
“Do you really want to take my name?”
Clark thought about that. “Well. If I used my name, it would sound like I married my dad.”
Lex appeared amused, and he chewed appreciatively. The phone rang, and Clark darted to get it.
“Hello?”
“Is Lex awake?”
“Yep. He’s awake and showered, and he’s in yer kitchen eatin’ yer chocolate.” Clark watched as Lex twisted his neck to see what was going on.
“Put him on the phone, b-tard.” He could practically hear Mercy rolling her eyes.
Clark handed over the phone and watched Lex closely as he tended the rest of the waffles. There was a bit of pink in Lex’s cheeks as he toyed with the food on his plate and chatted with Mercy. His voice was so low and resonant. His lips curved and bowed even when he was not smiling, emoting in his little ways, gently cupping and carrying that beautiful, rough voice that played up and down Clark’s body as though they were the keys of a piano meant to be pounded.
“Am I really so interesting?” Lex asked when he pushed the ‘end’ button.
“You have no idea.” Clark dropped another hot waffle on Lex’s plate. “I was hoping that was my mom.”
“That’s good. Are you two getting along better?”
“No, but I think I can convince her to bring Luc over more.”
“I’m glad. You should really be reforging these connections with your family.” Lex nodded and picked at the second waffle. Clark scowled. He wanted him to eat that and put a little more weight on his skinny frame. He picked up one of his own waffles without a fork, folded it over and simply took a bite out of it.
“S’not why I called her. Lucas is really annoying.”
“He is not,” Lex objected. Clark shook his head.
“I know you don’t think so. I did it ‘cause… you like him. And you’re as much his family as I am. If she brings him over at a set time, you can be here and Mercy can be around to ‘babysit’ or whatever. The two of you can be together.” Clark took another bite and chewed vigorously. He felt a stab of pride at having managed to make them. He was getting pretty good at these little things. Taking care of himself. Maybe Lex, too.
“You… oh.” Lex rubbed his finger over the fork. “Thank you. That means more to me than you know.”
“I can tell that you miss him a lot.” Clark wiped his hands on a paper towel and walked over to Lex.
“I do. I just… I was so happy to have a brother in my life. And this happened, and she just doesn’t get what this disease is about. She flinches every time I touch him. I love Lucas. I’d never do anything to hurt him.”
Clark leaned over and lifted Lex’s chin a little. His hands were so large; they made Lex’s thin face seem all the more delicate. Lex’s eyes were flat, at first, but as Clark looked into them there seemed to be a spark of hope underneath the sadness that was pushing him down. He felt himself start forward, and suddenly their faces were very close.
Clark pulled away and turned back to the kitchen counter. “Well, she doesn’t seem to understand. Her, your dad either, so we’ll just have to take care of these things ourselves.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Lex replied. He ran anxious fingertips over his lips.
When they moved away, it warmed Clark’s heart to see the lips of the man he loved spread and curve into a wide smile at the prospect of being allowed a place in his brother’s life.
AN: Whew! Made it over another hump. :D
If you were inclined to give concrit, please don't give it on this one. I'm really not in the mood.
Do you need footnotes on any of the geek references?
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum and living with Lex as he recovers. Lex, however, has problems of his own to contend with.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two
He was tall. Not as tall as Clark, but pretty tall. Smooth. Hairless. Clark blushed when he saw him here, speaking with Lionel Luthor in an annoyed tone. Wearing worn blue jeans that emphasized his skinny legs and muscular backside and a dark purple sweater. Clark had never seen a guy wearing purple before. Not in their small town anyway. Now that they were visiting Luthorcorp Tower, all bets were off, he guessed.
“Wow. His head is shiny,” Lana remarked. She pulled some of her long hair over her shoulder and started to twirl it around her fingers.
“He’s got really nice jeans. I wonder who he is?”
“Lex Luthor,” Pete said, coming up behind them. He raised a brow at Lana, who blinked at him blankly, then turned back to Clark. “He’s Big Daddy Luthor’s kid.”
“Does he work here?”
“Does he look like he works here? Nah, man, he’s like a scientist or something. They did an article on him in Scientific Revolution. Mr. Reve has a copy of it in his classroom.”
“Cool.”
“Clark, man. Stop staring. They’re looking at us.”
Lana buried her face into Clark’s chest and giggled. Lex looked over at him and gave a small frown and forced a smile before he turned back to talking to his father. Then he walked away, with a little swish in his step.
Pete laughed. “Guess he’s Lionel Luthor’s daughter.”
Lana giggled again. “No, girls have long hair, silly.”
“Stop it!” Clark yelled. “He’s not a girl.”
“Believe me, I’ve fielded an accusation or two on that account,” Lionel Luthor strolled over to them, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Are you three with the fieldtrip?”
“Yeah, these two just tend to wander,” Pete explained. Clark shuffled his feet shyly.
“Um. Lex… your son…”
“Yes?” Lionel asked. Clark blushed furiously. His mother came over.
“I’ve been looking for you!” she said crossly, putting her hand on Clark’s shoulder and trying to steer him around. “Clark, you have to stay with the group. Lana, are you alright?”
“Yes. Clark was just looking at this man’s son’s pants,” she said simply, as though it were a perfectly normal thing to do. “His head was really shiny.”
Clark almost fell over in embarrassment. “I was not!”
Lionel slipped past them and offered Martha a hand to shake. “I’m Lionel Luthor. Are these your children?”
“Martha Kent. Clark is my son. Lana’s a… she’s Clark’s little friend.”
“Little friend. Because I am small,” Lana explained serious, looking up at Lionel. She reached out and tried to tug his beard. Martha smacked her hand.
“Stop that.”
Lana started to pout and clung to Clark. Lionel laughed. “It’s alright. Come here, Lana.”
He leaned down and let her feel his whiskers. Lana squealed in delight. “Oh, they’re rough and fuzzy!”
“Yes, they are.”
She clapped her hands together happily.
“Is your husband here chaperoning too?” Lionel asked. Martha drew a bit of hair behind her ear.
“No, he works the farm. He couldn’t get away.”
He moved in behind her. Clark looked at the both of them in alarm. He grabbed his mother’s arm and pulled.
“Ow, Clark. You’re a big boy. Be gentle.”
“Come on, Mom. We need to get back to the group.”
“I think I might be able to help you a bit. Mind if I follow along?” Lionel stepped beside her. Pete wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes at the man. Together Lionel and Martha started walking back to the group without them. Clark grabbed Lana’s arm and dragged her along with him.
Pete rolled his eyes. “Luthor’s a skeeze, and his kid is a queer. If this is what I have waiting for me in the big city, I might as well stick to the sticks.”
Clark lay in bed, daydreaming as he waited for Lex’s alarm clock to go off. Since Clark’s days were so routine, he could easily determine how much earlier he needed to get up to catch Lex before work but now that he was getting used to it, his body was waking up at dawn anyway. It was what Clark had been used to on the farm, after all. Lex was, clearly, not much of a morning person. It was cute. He would get up every morning between 5:00am to 5:45am and grumpily wheel himself into the kitchen, bumping into things on the way. His eyes weren’t always open quite yet.
He would open the floor level refrigerator, pull out a bottle of water and a bottle of drinkable yogurt, and begin downing a seemingly endless number of pills.
“Uh, wow.” Clark appeared behind him. Lex jumped and rolled around, looking extremely pissed off. Clark had been watching him long enough to know, though, that he was pretty much cranky in the morning generally and not actually mad at him. It had taken Clark awhile to realize that Lex was often not responding to anything outside of himself.
“What?” Lex frowned and continued taking pills out of bottles.
“That’s a lot of pills.” Clark tried to keep his voice neutral. He bent over to reach into the refrigerator. He was getting used to the accommodations of Lex’s apartment. The kitchen was especially cool. Although it was small, there was an island with the stove and a counter in the middle of the kitchen so that Lex could role up sideways and cook for himself.
Lex looked at the medication in his hand. “I suppose I’ve grown accustomed to the pill pile.”
“Uh… what are they?”
He had just popped them in his mouth and began swallowing with the water. “A multivitamin, selenium, herbal immune system boosters then my regular cocktail. And pain and anxiety meds when I need them.”
“Cocktail?”
“Sustiva and Truvada. I take those about mid-morning, though.”
“Okay.”
“Feel free to cook something. I really can’t eat this early in the morning, but I have to head to work anyway.” He began drinking down the yogurt. Clark tried not to look at him. He knew that sometimes his expressions made Lex uncomfortable, and in turn, Lex couldn’t really verbalize everything that was going on inside of him. Instead, he walked over and put a hand lightly on his shoulder. Lex reached up, put his hand over Clark’s briefly then rolled away to put his container in the recycling bin.
It was a start.
Remembering a comment that Lex had made a little while ago to his father, Clark hesitated. He had been about to follow him to the door. He didn’t want to actually be following him around the apartment. That was just pathetic. Instead, he began making breakfast.
In the middle of whipping his eggs, he heard the phone ring. He walked over to it quickly, wondering who it could be. No one ever called Lex, besides Mercy, and she was probably on her way over by now.
“Hello?”
“Clark!”
He winced at the cheerful sound of his mother’s voice. “Hi.”
“Goodness, you’re up early.”
“I like to see Lex off in the morning.”
She was silent. He felt tension growing in his back. Maybe she remembered him stalking Lex, too.
“He seems down. I just want to make sure he sees another human being before he goes to work.”
“That’s sweet, Clark.”
“He does a lot for me. I want to help.”
“I’m sure you do! Things are so hard for him,” she said wistfully. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could do with a visit this afternoon?”
Now Clark was hesitating. He would like to spend the afternoon with Lex, although there didn’t seem to be many activities that Lex really got into. Maybe she wouldn’t stay long. Or maybe, she’d be here around the time Lex was here, and she would start to take him in as well. He’d always hoped that would a happen. He remembered his mom as a protective sort of person. Without Lionel around… “Sure, um, about what time?”
“How about three?”
Lex came home about four or five. Maybe they’d make it. Maybe he’d bring home dinner and a movie again and then the three of them could sit together like a family. “Okay.”
“Oh, wonderful. I’ll see you later, Clark.”
“Bye, Mom.” He set down the phone and headed back to making breakfast. He tried not to hope too hard that this would work. His mother seemed awfully hesitant around Lex, considering Clark had been the one in the wrong.
Clark set the stolen copy of Scientific Revolution in the bottom drawer of the dresser next to his bed next to the pictures he had collected of Lex here and there. He was a hard guy to come by. Especially since Clark lived in Smallville and couldn’t see him often. Lately, though, he had been by, consulting with the plant managers about something. So when he dropped by the Beanery for a no foam double cappuccino, Clark could watch Lex as he sat by himself, by a window, crossing his legs at the knee, and read, sipping his coffee delicately.
The pictures were getting him by. At night he would open the drawer and stare at them with his flashlight. He hoped he’d soon have the courage to talk to Lex in person. Clark sighed softly, but smiled at the photograph included with the interview.
“Clark?” His father opened the door abruptly. Clark startled and pushed the drawer shut.
“Hey, Dad…”
“Sorry, t’scare ya, son. But we gotta get movin or our veggies aren’t gonna make it to the fair t’morrow.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll change and come out and help.”
“Good boy.” Jonathan left as abruptly as he’d come in. Clark took a deep breath. He didn’t know why he had to keep this secret. But he had to. Other people just wouldn’t understand that he and Lex had a destiny together.
Clark supposed it was telling of Dr. Yeh’s skills as a psychiatrist that he was feeling creeped out by thoughts that had come from his own brain. No wonder Lex had been skittish around him sometimes. Clark took his plate of eggs with him to the computer. It was a laptop, but a nice one. Most of Lex’s things looked as though they had been acquired second hand, but the laptop looked pretty new.
Now, what had Lex said? Clark supposed he could just go into the drawer and look at the labels… “Sesteva… is Spanish for something. Um…”
He forked some eggs and chewed thoughtfully. Was snooping through Lex’s things crossing a line back to loonyville? “Sestiva… oh, Sustiva.”
He clicked on the corrective link and started to read around.
“The mutant healing powers… and immune system… How the hell did I forget this?”
***
Martha was running late that afternoon, and Lex was running early, apparently. He came in at about 3:30pm, looking as though he wanted to shred something alive and went immediately to his room. Clark stood in place, unsure of how to react. It was good that Lex was here, but he probably wasn’t going to be in the mood to bond with anyone.
Clark walked over to his door and knocked.
“Fuck off, Clark,” Lex said sharply.
“I um…uh…”
“Later!”
Clark jumped back from the door and went to sit in chastisement on the couch. He was starting to think he sucked at this stuff. When there was a knock on the door, Clark answered quickly and opened the it to see not only his mother, in a matching skirt and blazer, accompanied by a small scruffy-haired boy trussed up in a stiff long-sleeved shirt and dress pants. Martha leaned in for a hug.
“Clark, I don’t think you’ve ever gotten to meet your baby brother Lucas!”
“Hi!” Lucas yelled. Clark raised a brow at the tiny kid. He was probably about three or four years old.
“Hey, Lucas. I’m Clark,” he replied stiffly. The kid squirmed a little at his mother’s side. Martha walked in and began to pull off her white leather gloves.
“Lex’s apartment has always been so interesting” she said with a fake smile.
“Yeah.” Clark couldn’t think of anything to say to his mother. Hopefully she wouldn’t start to go on about the society ladies and charity events.
Just then, Lex rolled out, changed from his work clothes into something much more relaxed. He called playfully, “Did I hear a Luc out here?”
“Lex!” the little boy cheered. Then he darted out of the room for a moment, and Clark could hear the kitchen sink running. Then the boy ran back in with wet hands and tried to crawl up into Lex’s lap.
“Oh, honey, why… um.” Martha appeared incredibly nervous.
But Lex was grinning in a way that Clark had rarely if ever seen him grin. He pulled his baby brother into his arms and, laughing a little, started asking questions about what he was learning from his tutors. Lucas snuggled in and began to chatter.
Martha swooped down and plucked Lucas back up. “Don’t bother your brother, Lucas.”
“He’s not bothering me, Martha. I enjoy spending time with him.” He looked at Lucas. “Did Mommy tell you to wash your hands before seeing me?”
He shook his head. “No, Daddy did.”
“Did he? That was thoughtful of him.”
“He said… you got sick,” Lucas said unhappily. Martha set him on the ground, and Lucas just ran right back up to his brother.
“It wasn’t so bad.” Now Lex was eyeing Martha, waiting for her to take his brother from him yet again.
“You were in the hospital!”
“Yeah. I take awhile to bounce back sometimes. But I’m good as new now.”
Lucas smiled, reassured. Lex rubbed the little boy’s back and looked up at Martha. “It’s good of you to visit us.”
“I… thought that Clark should meet his brother. Is Mercy not here?”
“She was here this morning,” Clark offered.
Martha frowned. “And the two of you are here alone.”
“For about five minutes,” Lex said sharply. “I got off early today. Mercy will probably come by… around five or six, if she does.”
Martha pursed her lips. “I see. Well. Hm.”
She was cut short by her cell phone, which she looked at then immediately answered, turning away from all three of them. Lex shot Clark an irritable look. Clark shrugged.
“What do you want to do, Lucas?” Lex asked. “I think we have some movies left over to watch. You still like Warrior Angel, right?”
”Yes!”
“Not so loud, baby! Mommy’s on the phone.”
“Yes!” Lucas whispered. Lex messed with his hair.
“We can put that on to watch. I don’t have any other games here, though, except Mercy’s fight games and first person shooters. I know your mom doesn’t want you playing those. I’m sorry.”
“S’okay, Lex.”
Martha got off the phone. “We have to go.”
“No!” Lucas shouted. Clark was about to roll his eyes. His baby brother was a hyper little brat.
“Come on, sweetie. You can visit with Clark another day.”
Lex’s face fell. “Listen to your mommy, Luc.”
“I wanna stay here with yooou,” he complained. Clark felt incredibly bad. Lex and Luc looked so damn happy together.
“Do you have to go somewhere? We could look after Luc for a few hours,” Clark offered.
His mother looked at him skeptically. “Alone with the two of you.”
“Please, Mommy, please!” Lucas begged. “I haven’t got to see Lex since Christmas!”
“No, baby. We have to go.”
Lucas started to make a whining noise.
“If I called Mercy over, could he stay?” Clark asked. She looked at him sympathetically.
“I did want to give you a chance to meet your brother…”
Clark got on the phone and called her. “Hey, Mercy.”
“Clark? … you can use the phone?”
“Ha ha. Bitch.”
“Clark. Language!” Martha admonished. She had pulled Lucas away from Lex once again and was holding him firmly by the shoulder so he wouldn’t try to crawl in his older brother’s lap again.
“Sorry. Anyway, Mom brought Lucas over-“
“Really? Wow. I thought she had a terminal fear of Luc catching Lex’s ‘queer’ disease.”
Hearing that made him tense and want to glare at his mother. “Yeah, well, she has to go, and she wants someone else to be here if she’s going to leave Lucas with us for a little while.”
Mercy sighed heavily. “I’m not going to be able to make it over there until 5:30pm at the earliest. I’m sorry, Clark; I’m out of town. Unless I learn to teleport in the next ten minutes, it isn’t going to happen.”
“No, I understand. There’s nothing you can do.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault.”
”I know, but Lex just perks up so much around his baby brother. I wish I could do this for him.”
“Yeah. See you later.” Clark hung up and turned around to see Martha packing up and Lex looking as though he’d been slapped. Clark’s mother hugged him again before she left. Lucas started whining loudly to his mother. What a fiasco.
By the time Mercy showed up, Lex had been sitting alone in his room for a while, and Clark was getting worried.
“Don’t worry,” She gave him a strong squeeze on the shoulder and headed to Lex’s room. “I’ve seen him in every mood possible.”
Nevertheless, she rubbed the back of her neck anxiously before she went into the room. She came out about twenty minutes later, looking frustrated. “He’s fine. Reading.”
“Really?”
“Just leave him alone. We’ll have dinner, and I’ll ply him with some food later.”
Clark motioned to the kitchen with his head. “I started dinner. I’m sorry.”
“For starting dinner?”
“For letting my mom come over. I didn’t know she was going to be bringing Lucas.”
Mercy shrugged and leaned against the back of the couch. “I wish I didn’t have to pay the bills. I just can’t be here all the time.”
“You shouldn't have to.” Clark went to lean beside her.
“Someone has to keep an eye on you two.”
“I’m not going to hurt him again!” Clark protested. Mercy pulled out a pack of cigarettes and began tapping the back.
“Hate to break it to you, twinkie, but I don’t think if you did, it would be under your control.”
***
Weekends were strange, because the routine broke down. Clark still got up pretty early, but it wasn’t uncommon for Lex to sleep most of the day. He had time with Mercy in the afternoon, but he wouldn’t come out unless she coaxed him into it, then he would roll out looking as tousled as a person without hair possibly could and vaguely embarrassed.
“Be a good friend, Clark, and don’t bother him. It’s hard enough for him to wake himself up, let alone face someone else.” She was like a mean big sister sometimes. Bossy.
“You bother him,” Clark had pointed out, a little more sulkily that he had intended. She pursed her lips and gave him a harsh look.
“It’s my job to make sure that he stays mobile,” she had replied shortly. Properly chastised, Clark had found something immediately pressing to do in his room.
He found himself cleaning a lot when Lex wasn’t up and around and when Clark wasn’t being pulled around by Mercy or Yeh. It was weirdly soothing to have everything in its place. That afternoon, however, Mercy had called to let him know that she wasn’t coming over.
“Why?” Clark asked.
“Lex knows why.”
“Has he been naughty?”
Mercy snorted. “Always. But, no, I’m not punishing him, I just have family in town from California, and I have to pick them up at the airport.”
“Oh, well have fun then. What should I do with him?”
“You aren’t babysitting him.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Leave him alone. Don’t make me separate you two again.”
Clark nodded, then realizing that she couldn’t see said, “Fine. I’ll leave him alone.”
He put the phone down and proceeded to sneak into Lex’s room. He had managed to slip in once or twice when Mercy wasn’t around already. Clark just watched him from the door, mostly. If he wasn’t sleeping, he would be reading or just lying there staring at the ceiling. It was kind of hard to see him so low, but Clark figured that if Lex had to live it, he could make himself watch.
Lex looked small and still under the covers, and for some reason, today Clark felt brave. He padded softly across the cold wooden floor and crouched by the bed. Lex’s normally creased brow was smooth, white. He often looked so much older, so much like someone had their hand on the back of his neck and was pushing him down so hard that he couldn’t move. Sleeping… well, he didn’t look stereotypically peaceful, but he looked much less weighted down.
Clark had no idea how long he had been sitting there when Lex’s arm stretched out of the covers. Clark jumped, thinking he was going to be caught, but Lex only made an unhappy noise and shifted his body a little bit. He was wearing soft flannel pajamas and the sleeve had slipped most of the way down his forearm. Clark leaned over to look at Lex’s long fingers. He had always liked to watch Lex’s hands when he talked, when he was telling him something exciting.
When had Lex ever been that animated? Clark struggled to remember. It must have been around the time he was still with Helen and Lucas had just been born. He had few memories of Lex being happy, but he did have some, or what he thought were actual memories, of them having long conversations. He slid a finger down the delicate, pale skin of Lex’s wrist and a slight smile touched his lips, feeling the soft flesh there. Then tears pricked at his eyes.
He saw the thick white scar running vertically down the inside of Lex’s forearm. Past the wrist, down the arm, hitting the inside of his elbow. Clark bared his teeth in a grimace.
”I’m not going to be back, Clark,” Lex said resolutely. His eyes darted all over, unable to focus.
Clark looked up. He had been talking to Lex about the cave prophecy and a magic knife that he needed to use… and suddenly, things were different, and he was looking up at Lex in fear. They weren’t in the castle. His eyes opened wide. “What do you mean?”
“Tonight, I’m going to go home and run a hot bath. Then, I’ll take all of my pain medications and slit my wrists. I’m sure no one will come to see me. It’s my nurse’s day off.” Lex gave him a tight smile.
“You…. Lex… what?” Clark watched him, not believing what he was hearing. Lex Luthor was one of the strongest people he’d ever met. He would never try to kill himself. This must be a trick. His father trying to hurt him!
Clark remembered that Lex had stopped coming two years ago, although he had kept writing a part for him in his dreams anyway. He wiped his tears away, but couldn’t stop staring at that scar and thinking about its twin on the other wrist. Thinking about what Lex must have been feeling when he did this. At the time, Lex had seemed so calm and rational about it.
Lex had always tried to put on a brave face for Clark. When he had first come to visit him after the accident, he had clearly been crying, but made no mention of it. He’d simply sat down in front of Clark and asked him about his day. Even when Clark was raving, he would come, he would caress his face and try to pull him back to being that boy who he sat with and had great conversations. Maybe it wasn’t a legendary friendship. Maybe no one would have paid to read it, but it was something for Clark to hold onto. It was real.
But where was Lex’s family, putting on the brave face for him? Trying to help him through the trauma from the accident, the loss of Helen, the sickness? Where the fuck were they? Clark felt the tears coming down harder, angrier.
He had been lost in his own mind. Lionel had fired Lex, cut him off, humiliated him. Threatened to take Clark away from him. Let his mother deny him access to his baby brother.
“Nothing but a fucking pack of murderers,” Clark whispered. He sniffed again and stood, pulling the blanket up over Lex’s narrow, bent shoulders.
Lex’s eyes opened a little bit, and he mumbled, “Mercy?”
“No, she’s gone today, remember?” Clark wiped off his face, forced himself to breathe, and knelt beside him.
“Oh, Clark… mm. Did you need something from me?” Lex seemed to wake a little bit more and rolled his head over to look at him more directly.
“Um,” Clark tried to make his voice not shake. “No, I don’t need anything. Just, if you want to do something or need anything. I’m here.” He grinned a little and continued mockingly, “Hanging around. Not going anywhere.”
“I’m fine.” Lex’s face was more awake now, and he looked embarrassed. Lex was not ‘fine.’ Clark realized that he must feel vulnerable and a little pathetic for sleeping so much.
Clark tried to shrug, act as though it didn’t matter. “I could make some waffles.”
Lex frowned. “It’s two in the afternoon.”
“Waffles are an all day food,” Clark asserted. “Or they should be.”
“Hm. Sure, why not. I uh, should go take a shower. I’ll be out in a minute.” Lex struggled a little, getting out of bed and into his chair. Clark watched him, frowning. He got up and headed to the door.
“Um, do you have a recipe for waffles?”
Lex gave a short laugh. “That puts a kink into our nefarious plans, doesn’t it? You can find one online. I’m sure I know the basic ingredients, though.”
He rolled up beside Clark.
“I thought you wanted to take a shower.”
“I do. I just can’t have you setting the penthouse on fire.”
Clark chuckled. “If I do, I’ll just run round the fire so fast it smothers.”
Lex looked up at him with uncertainty. Clark gave his shoulder a squeeze and walked in front to get the door. “I’m kidding. Too soon?”
“No. No, that was hilarious,” Lex replied flatly.
“So is calling this a penthouse, Warbucks.”
“That reference would be funnier if I weren’t bald,” Lex grumbled. Clark hesitated in the middle of the den. “Now I’m kidding.”
“Okay. Sorry, I remember you being sensitive about that.”
“I am, but I have more glaring oddities these days.”
They entered the kitchen, and Lex pointed to the cabinet on the other side of the fridge.
“How did you lose your hair if it wasn’t meteor rocks? Or is it nosy to ask?”
“It’s not nosy. I’ve told you before.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out eggs and butter, setting them in his lap. “Could you get the milk?”
Clark bent over and lifted the jug easily then set it on the counter.
“It all fell out when I was nine. I’m allergic to my hair. It’s a condition called Alopecia.”
“Weird,” Clark said, before he could think about it. “Sorry.”
“Well, it is weird. Almost unbelievable. It’s like when I was in the womb, I rolled for looks and critically failed. You should have seen my mom cry about it.” He set the eggs and butter up with the milk and frowned. “Um, baking powder. Salt. Maybe a little sugar. We have some strawberries in the freezer. Or we could cut up some apples. Or we could steal Mercy’s chocolate chips.”
“Dare we?” Clark grinned, grabbing a bowl.
”For great evil,” Lex replied. “If only Mom could see me now.”
“I wish she could.”
“She was crazy,” Lex said tensely. Clark shook his head and got out the beater.
“She had postpartum psychosis. I remember this. It wasn’t her fault.” He broke an egg over the bowl. “If it’s anyone’s, it’s Lionel’s. Asshole. He just loves pushing people until they break.”
Lex looked up at him with a little bit of wonder.
“Sorry. I was thinking she might be able to give a little support.”
“I really don’t think I have it in me to take care of her right now. She wasn’t great on the support when she was alive. She needed too much of it herself.”
Clark paused. “Where are the measuring cups? I don’t believe that. I think… if you both need support, you can prop each other up.”
Lex rolled over to the drawer above the cabinet and pulled the cups out. “It’s a theory. It’s also called codependence.”
“Who in the world is completely independent?”
“I dunno. I would like to be,” Lex said bitterly. Clark turned around and put his hands on his thighs. Lex started to smirk at the sight of him. Clark was a little covered in flour.
“Everyone needs other people. That’s why we’re humans and not… like… um. An animal that doesn’t need people… wolves!”
“Wolves are pack animals. And I’m not sure there are any animals that actually need people. Maybe housecats.” The smirk grew.
“Fine, you evil genius. Tell me an animal that’s solitary.”
“Bears, mostly. Three-toed sloths. Panthers. Leopards. Aardvarks. Um….are we including all fauna in this?”
“Shut up,” Clark replied merrily. “Weren’t you going to take a shower?”
“I was going to make sure you don’t destroy my apartment.”
“You can trust me with waffles.”
”I hope so. For your sake. Or I’ll be getting out the death ray.” Lex rolled towards the arch between the kitchen and the den.
“Spare me your death ray, Lex.” Clark blushed, thinking about what else that could mean. He stepped over to the doorway and leaned in it for a moment, watching Lex head to his bathroom and realizing how precious Lex was to him.
I love that man, Clark thought sadly. And for some reason, the thought did not come as a surprise. It did however horrify him to be watching the man he loved struggling through, dying slowly of the living death of depression. He blinked back tears and wished that Lex’s problems could be dealt with as easily… Well, not easily, since Clark still had his issues and the schizophrenia wouldn’t be going away… he still heard voices on the edge of his mind sometimes. But Clark wanted Lex to find some sort of path and start getting better somehow. The few weeks he had spent with Lex, Mercy, and Dr. Yeh had helped him get a handle on his life more than four years in Fairview had.
Clark jerked suddenly, flew to the drawer where Lex kept his medication, then ran into Lex’s room. “Lex, you missed your dose today!”
Lex looked back at him with a bit of shock. He had taken his pajama top off already and moved his hands to cover his scars. A long, jagged one cut across his skinny, muscular belly and several thick surgical scars streaked down his back. Clark ignored his marred body and dropped the pills into his hand.
“Sorry. But if you don’t take your pills on time, your viral load could increase and your T cells could go down and you’ll get sick.”
Lex took them, his eyes shutting down defensively. “I see you’ve been Googling HIV treatment.”
“I Googled the names of your meds. I… do you need some water?” He darted back to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of water. Lex had covered himself.
He took the water and downed his pills. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Clark sat on the end of the bed. Lex continued starring at him with a guarded expression. Then his eyes relaxed a little, and he looked into his lap.
“To be honest, it was kind of sweet… when you added my mutant abilities to the mythos. The healing and the kick ass immune system? Heh. It felt like…” Lex pressed his lips together. “You were telling me that… if you could take my sickness away, you would.”
“I would. I’m sorry that I can’t.”
Lex lifted his chin and looked up at Clark with a bit of sad admiration. “If my life were a comic book, I’d let you write it. I’m a pretty cool guy in your fantasies. If a little wicked.”
“I wish you knew how cool you are in real life.”
Lex bowed his head, his cheeks reddening a little as his eyes flitted back up in disbelief. Clark reached over and touched his face lightly, before heading back to the kitchen to give Lex some privacy. He heard an unreadable sigh as he left.
Clark looked up a recipe online and went into the kitchen again by himself to begin cooking. This wasn’t so difficult. As he plucked up the ingredients and began mixing them together, the gears in his head kept turning over and over. Clark set down the mixing bowl and went to pick up the phone. He dialed and pinned the phone between his shoulder and ear to wait for the voicemail message to end.
“Mom? This is Clark. I know that you’re busy, but I thought… you’re right. I should be spending more time with my little brother. The thing is, I uh… I need a structured schedule, so it throws me off a little if you just drop by. I feel weird saying that, but it’s hard for me to handle. So maybe we could schedule days for him to come over? Then we could be sure that Mercy is here if you have to leave, and I could spend more time with my brother. Yeah, so… let me know. Love you.” Clark turned off the phone and busied himself preparing the waffles.
When Lex rolled back into the den, fresh from his shower and curling the ends of his lavender sleeves over his fingers, Clark had made a couple of waffles and was waiting to start the next batch. “Nice shower?”
“As good as it gets. It seems the penthouse has survived your cooking.”
Clark grinned. “I can cook by myself! I’m one step better than Lana!”
“Oh, that was cold. Don’t you like your girlfriend anymore?” Lex teased softly. Clark rubbed his forehead.
“Hush. Have a waffle.” Clark set a plate in Lex’s lap. He poured some more batter into the iron. “God, what am I going to do about her?”
Lex began to cut the waffle neatly into squares. “Why would you have to do anything?”
Clark shrugged. “I feel bad. She’s all alone.”
“I don’t think she notices as much as you think.” Lex took a bite and cocked his head. “You make a good waffle. I might have to keep you for my little wife.”
Clark doubled up laughing.
“Don’t burn the waffles, lil miss.”
“That’s Mrs. Luthor to you.” He checked the iron.
“Do you really want to take my name?”
Clark thought about that. “Well. If I used my name, it would sound like I married my dad.”
Lex appeared amused, and he chewed appreciatively. The phone rang, and Clark darted to get it.
“Hello?”
“Is Lex awake?”
“Yep. He’s awake and showered, and he’s in yer kitchen eatin’ yer chocolate.” Clark watched as Lex twisted his neck to see what was going on.
“Put him on the phone, b-tard.” He could practically hear Mercy rolling her eyes.
Clark handed over the phone and watched Lex closely as he tended the rest of the waffles. There was a bit of pink in Lex’s cheeks as he toyed with the food on his plate and chatted with Mercy. His voice was so low and resonant. His lips curved and bowed even when he was not smiling, emoting in his little ways, gently cupping and carrying that beautiful, rough voice that played up and down Clark’s body as though they were the keys of a piano meant to be pounded.
“Am I really so interesting?” Lex asked when he pushed the ‘end’ button.
“You have no idea.” Clark dropped another hot waffle on Lex’s plate. “I was hoping that was my mom.”
“That’s good. Are you two getting along better?”
“No, but I think I can convince her to bring Luc over more.”
“I’m glad. You should really be reforging these connections with your family.” Lex nodded and picked at the second waffle. Clark scowled. He wanted him to eat that and put a little more weight on his skinny frame. He picked up one of his own waffles without a fork, folded it over and simply took a bite out of it.
“S’not why I called her. Lucas is really annoying.”
“He is not,” Lex objected. Clark shook his head.
“I know you don’t think so. I did it ‘cause… you like him. And you’re as much his family as I am. If she brings him over at a set time, you can be here and Mercy can be around to ‘babysit’ or whatever. The two of you can be together.” Clark took another bite and chewed vigorously. He felt a stab of pride at having managed to make them. He was getting pretty good at these little things. Taking care of himself. Maybe Lex, too.
“You… oh.” Lex rubbed his finger over the fork. “Thank you. That means more to me than you know.”
“I can tell that you miss him a lot.” Clark wiped his hands on a paper towel and walked over to Lex.
“I do. I just… I was so happy to have a brother in my life. And this happened, and she just doesn’t get what this disease is about. She flinches every time I touch him. I love Lucas. I’d never do anything to hurt him.”
Clark leaned over and lifted Lex’s chin a little. His hands were so large; they made Lex’s thin face seem all the more delicate. Lex’s eyes were flat, at first, but as Clark looked into them there seemed to be a spark of hope underneath the sadness that was pushing him down. He felt himself start forward, and suddenly their faces were very close.
Clark pulled away and turned back to the kitchen counter. “Well, she doesn’t seem to understand. Her, your dad either, so we’ll just have to take care of these things ourselves.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Lex replied. He ran anxious fingertips over his lips.
When they moved away, it warmed Clark’s heart to see the lips of the man he loved spread and curve into a wide smile at the prospect of being allowed a place in his brother’s life.
AN: Whew! Made it over another hump. :D
If you were inclined to give concrit, please don't give it on this one. I'm really not in the mood.
Do you need footnotes on any of the geek references?