I'm tired, officially tired. Jose refuses to answer my questions and now won't see me. What's going on? Why won't he see me? Well fuck him. I'm making my rounds to those people that I once cared about. I can't go on living this way. My heart always feels heavy and I always want to die. My illness is too much to deal with. I'm sorry brother ( Read more... )

I'm losing my grip. I thought i was successful in getting over the lack of meds in my body, but that isn't proving to be correct. I feel that I'm losing the battle. I keep on doing searches of overdosing and what the statistics are. I don't want to make a failed attempt again. I just want to do it right. If I could, I would take as little as ( Read more... )

I'm tired of living or should i say trying to live. My life is one big lie and it's time to tell the truth. Death will be my truth and that will set me free.

Dear God ( Read more... )

I went back and read some of my entries and boy they are sad.  Too many times did I wish for death.  It makes me very sad and makes me never want to read those old entries again.  Well, I can't erase it because it's part of my life.  Just gives me a reason to fix things and live a normal and happy life.

So Moss posted about remembering that we are just on a message board.  I went back and deleted my post.  Now people are asking why and that I shouldn't have deleted because it helps people.

Whatever, I'm taking a lot of pills right now and feel completely fucked up  - Yay

I decided to start back on my medicine because I was in so much pain yesterday.  My hands were double the size as normal.  What the fuck is going on?  Why are they so puffy?  Oh for the love of God, what is going on with me?

I'm completely numb inside. I can't cry, can't laugh, can't do anything.

I've been off my medications for about 5 days now and I feel terrible.  Going through bouts of crying and sobbing and just wishing to die.  Now I'm not even putting Bob or the cats into my thinking.  I just want out.  I'm a fucking waste of space and should make room for those who count.  Such is life right?  We had a nice week in Laughlin, but I'm ( Read more... )

I'm so fucking nervous about tomorrow's group meeting.  My first one ever and I'm thinking about not going.  I'm already feeling "sick".   What the hell is wrong with me?  I need to get better and yet I fight it with all my might.  Why can't I use my energy into getting better?  I know I'm going to be the fattest one there and that scares me to ( Read more... )

Give me strength to not binge & purge again.  I already know that nothing but blood comes us, so why keep on trying?  Because I'm fucking nuts!  I love this community and the people are so supportive.  Shit, where was this stuff 15 years ago?