to whom it may concern,

all the headaches, drama, confusion, loneliness, pain, mind games, depression, doubt, worries, self-loathing, vulnerabilities, and bullshit can stop any day now. seriously.

Regards,

Me

oh yeah, something else i forgot to mention in my previous entry: getting a needle shoved into your eyeball definitely hurts way worse than getting your hood pierced. just thought i'd throw that out there, ya know for those of you who might be thinking of getting pierced down there...or sticking a needle in your eye ( Read more... )

haven't been on lj in forever.... seems like there is an abundance of people getting proposed to and/or getting married in my flist. and i'm still....searching; still lost. i hate the stigma that's attached with being older and still single. obviously there must be something wrong with me since i have no one that cares for me or loves me outside ( Read more... )

why is it that when i really need someone to talk to no one answers their phone or has time for me?

just makes me more depressed than i already was to begin with.

i wish i could say that the laser treatment (which involved another goddamn needle shoved into my fucked eye) i had a week ago has helped with getting rid of the blood in my vision, but it hasn't. the doctor explained that the treatment is done to try to dry up the hemorrhaged blood vessel and that it can't get rid of the blood immediately. for ( Read more... )

thank you to everyone who commented on my last entry and wished me well. my surgery is actually today; the retina eye specialist accidentally told the receptionist at my opthomologist's office the wrong day. so, it wasn't yesterday as i had hoped, it's for today and i'll be heading out for that pretty quick here ( Read more... )

late last night i noticed blood in the center of my vision and started freaking out....what i mean is that if you were to look at my eye you'd see nothing wrong, but for me when i'm trying to see there's a big blob of blood in the dead center of my vision that floats around whenever i move my eye....i went to my opthomologist today for an emergency ( Read more... )

i didn't realize it was possible for a person to feel so sad, to feel this.....empty.

yesterday was opening day of the redneck holiday we know as rifle season. i swear michigan should market this day as "bring your guns and beer into the country and shoot something day". work was crazy busy wednesday and thank god i didn't have to work yesterday. today will probably be just as bad, if not worse, than wednesday. all the hunters ( Read more... )

i keep having dreams about people being possessed and it's starting to disturb me. last night in my dream i was a boy with an older brother that became possessed and would abuse me and i ran away and just when i thought i was far enough away my possessed brother "summoned" me back to our house and i was standing in his room. he started to come ( Read more... )