Fic: Gunpoint. AU RPS. Jensen/Jared. Chapter 15
Masterpost
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue | Author's notes | Soundtrack | AO3
Chapter 15
October 2010
“Sophia is cool, right?”
Jensen hums noncommittally. He’s gnawing his lip, eyes on the canvas in front of him. It doesn’t look right but he can’t tell what’s off. Something about the color maybe.
“We should have her over some time. You know, since we work together and all. Widen our social circle a little.” Chris pauses. “Actually I was thinking maybe, I don’t know, I could take her out to dinner. Or something.”
Jensen throws him a frown. He’s not following. If Chris wants to be all buddy-buddy with their employer why can’t they do it here?
“Like on a date,” Chris clarifies, cheeks turning a little pink. “I was thinking of maybe asking her out on a date.”
Jensen blinks. Oh. Chris doesn’t go on dates often. And he never brings anyone home. Not like he really can with this being a studio apartment with no locked doors except for the bathroom. It makes any kind of intimacy rather impossible.
Chris is watching him, clearly waiting for some kind of reaction but Jensen doesn’t really know how to react. Chris’s other dates have all ended rather abruptly. Or, well, the minute they find out about Jensen. Sophia already knows about Jensen and so far she doesn’t seem too bothered. Which means if Chris and her start dating she might actually stay. As in she might want to be around, all the time. And then they’d suddenly be three instead of just the two of them and...
Jensen dips his biggest brush into a tin of black paint and sweeps it over the canvas in angry long strokes until there’s nothing left but black on black on black. He can feel Chris watching him but Jensen ignores him and after a while Chris sighs and walks away. He doesn’t mention it again.
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Present day
Jared drums his fingers on his thigh, eyes on Jensen. He’s painting, something obscure; Jared’s not sure what it is yet. He looks calm, shoulders relaxed and head tilted in thought. There’s a small frown of concentration between his eyes, and a smear of paint across his forehead. He’s absolutely beautiful.
“Chad wants to know if I’m rooming with him next year,” Jared says before he loses his nerve. “I told him I didn’t even know if I’d be in school next year.”
Jensen swings around, staring at him, eyes wide. “What? Why?”
Jared shrugs. “I don’t know. Not really feeling it, I guess. Thought I might just get a job, something that pays more than walking dogs. And I saw some flyers about rooms for rent-”
“No!”
He looks up. Jensen is shaking his head, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows repeatedly. A sure sign that he’s preparing for a fight.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll find something close,” Jared assures him. “It won’t change anything.”
“Move in here.”
“What? No.” Jared laughs, startled. “C’mon, Jensen, I can’t do that. It’s your home. Yours and Chris’s. I spend way too much time here already.”
Jensen walks over to sit on the coffee table, taking Jared’s hands in his as he gazes at him, eyes pleading. “Please.”
C’mon, that’s not fair. Jared can feel his resolve crumbling, not that he had much to begin with. “But Chris...”
Jensen shakes his head. “Chris wants out.”
“What?” Jared sits back, stunned. “Dude, no. He would never walk out on you.”
Jensen’s eyes turn soft. “I know. So move in.”
“But...” Oh. “You sure you’re reading him right?”
Jensen nods. “This, us. Him and Sophia. It’s...” He coughs and clears his throat, grimacing. Finally he points his index finger at Jared, his thumb at himself and puts them together then points at imaginary parallel figures with the same fingers on his left hand before bringing all four fingers together, clashing, shaking his head.
Ah. Well, he’s not wrong there. There are only so many times you can walk in on people making out, before it starts to get to you. Even less times you can have sex with someone else in the room, before embarrassment turns into resentment. But move in together?
“He knows you so much better than I do,” Jared argues. “I’m not... I don’t always know what to do.”
Jensen rolls his eyes. Even without words the annoyance is obvious. He points at himself and lowers his hand almost to the floor then shakes his head.
“I know you’re not a kid. But... I am.” Jared drops his gaze, not really wanting Jensen to see just how freaked he is. “I want to, Jensen, I really do. I’m just... worried,” he finally admits. “I don’t know if I can be what you need. And I don’t mean that like... I’m saying I’m not someone you can rely on. You or anyone.”
Jensen huffs. He stands up and walks over to the kitchen island, to grab his pad and pencil. He sits back down and quickly sketches a picture of the two of them, holding hands. He looks up at Jared, making sure he’s following before drawing a house around them and then a heart around that. Above the whole thing he scribbles the word ‘US’ and underneath ‘HOME’. He looks at Jared in question.
Jared swallows. “Yeah, it feels like home, here,” he says weakly. His throat hurts.
Jensen smiles, but his eyebrows are still raised in question.
Jared takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, I’ll move in.”
Jensen’s face breaks into the widest smile before he tackles Jared on the couch and kisses him breathless.
When Chris comes home that night he greets the news with wounded pride and worry, mixed with badly hidden relief.
“You two have no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” he huffs. “Two weeks. I give it two weeks, before you’re begging me to come back. Who’s gonna cook, huh? Who’s gonna make sure to pay the bills on time? That’s right, I do all of that. Not Jensen, me. Goddamn useless the both of you.”
Jensen just flips Chris the finger, grinning manically, before pulling him into a hug that leaves Chris red-faced and stammering about ‘overemotional drama queens’, like he isn’t fighting to keep the tears in check himself.
Jared watches the display, trying to hide his own worry. Chris is right; he doesn’t know how to do any of these things. He can’t cook, he breaks every other plate he washes, he knocks over things when he vacuums. He feels helpless and useless every time Jensen has flashbacks and/or regresses. Not that that’s happened for a while now, not since they stopped their sexperiments. But he knows that doesn’t mean anything. It can always come back. It will. Hell, Jensen’s memories might come back. He’s been training with his therapist how to handle that, both the memories he has, and the ones he might get. Some kind of eye movement technique that sounds too good to be true, and he knows Jensen has his doubts about as well, but he’s trying anyway, because he’s still terrified of remembering.
And even if Jared feels a lot better himself, he’s nowhere near being all right. He feels twitchy and tired, and he misses his family so much it hurts. He misses his mom’s hugs and his dad’s proud gaze. He misses being Jeff’s little brother and Megan’s big one. He misses being part of a family. And Jensen just doesn’t get that.
‘I’m your family,’ Jensen mouths that night when Jared mentions it, looking hurt and confused. He lays his palm over Jared’s heart and grabs Jared’s hand to put over his own. ‘You, me.’
“Yes,” Jared quickly agrees. “You are. You are my family.” But somehow it doesn’t feel the same.
He still needs to find a job that pays more than a few bucks an hour if he’s going to make rent on whatever this place costs. He owes The Black Bean for gazillion cups of coffee, even if he knows Jensen will never accept his money. He’s still not sure English literature is the way to go. He failed one of his exams and has to make it up while trying not to fail the rest. He’s not stupid, in fact he’s usually wicked smart, he’s just having real trouble concentrating lately. He’s wearing a hole in his last pair of jeans. He really needs a haircut. He has no idea what to get Jensen for his birthday.
He has nightmares where he just takes Jensen, throwing him down and fucking him through the mattress while Jensen cries and screams, his body tiny and broken in Jared’s monster hands. He wakes up sweating buckets and holding his breath so he doesn’t throw up all over himself.
He’s not all right. He’s so far from all right, and Jensen has absolutely no idea.
“Hello?”
Jared closes his eyes. “Mom, it’s me. Please don’t hang up! I just... I just want to talk to you.” He can hear her hitching her breath, and that’s all it takes for him to start crying. “I miss you. I miss all of you. I just...”
The line goes dead.
“I love you.”
He sits still on the toilet for a long time, phone pressed to his ear, eyes staring blankly at the wall, before slowly lowering his arm. Then he stands up and quickly wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand before unlocking the door and walking out of the bathroom.
Jensen is asleep on the couch. There’s some documentary on koala bears on mute on TV. Jared stands watching him for a long time before quietly putting on his boots and coat. As soon as he’s outside the door he flips his phone open.
“Chad? How do you feel about getting stinking drunk? Party? Where? Sounds good. Yeah, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
He hangs up and after a short hesitation shuts the phone off as well.
Chad meets him at the door with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a bag of weed in the other, flamboyantly inviting him in like he’s the host and not, Jared assumes, the party crasher. The apartment is already filled with scantily clad girls and loud boys, all on their way to drunken oblivion. Jared grins and grabs the tequila, taking a sip right from the bottle before realizing Chad’s probably drooled all over it. Oh what the heck. This is what college is about, right? Being stupid.
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By ten Jensen starts to get worried. Around eleven he starts to panic. When midnight rolls around he’s hyperventilating, eyes darting to the windows where the rain is lashing the glass violently, getting up and heading for the door again and again, only to be stopped by his own suffocating phobia. Chris is on the phone, trying to call Jared for the fiftieth time and leaving angry and rude messages on Chad’s voicemail when he doesn’t pick up either. He’s checked the dorm, he’s checked the usual college bars. He’s even crashed a few parties, scaring stoned freshmen half to death with his glares.
“I’m gonna kill him,” Chris growls, throwing his phone on the table. “Fucking asshole.”
“I’m sure he has his reasons,” Sophia tries, jumping when Jensen slams his fists into the door in frustration then starts pummeling and kicking it, his heart going into overdrive as the room starts to blur. Suddenly Chris is there, pulling him away and across the room until he can push him down on the couch.
“Okay, you have to calm down. Jensen, listen to me. Stop it. Nothing’s happened to him, okay? He’s probably out somewhere, getting drunk with that asshole friend of his.”
Jensen shakes his head. What if he’s not? What if he’s been in an accident? Or... worse? Oh God. Oh God.
“Jesus! Breathe. C’mon, Jensen, you gotta-”
“What’s going on?”
Jensen’s head snaps up. Jared is standing - well, more slouching - against the door, soaked wet from the rain, his cheeks flushed red, and his eyes glassy. He blinks as they all stare at him, a frown of confusion folding his forehead. “What?”
Jensen is up from the couch in a flash, running across the room and throwing his arms around Jared’s neck, crushing him to his chest. Oh thank God, Jared’s all right. He’s all right. He’s... stinking drunk and smells of perfume.
Jensen jerks away, suddenly so angry the whole room seems to go red. He slams his hands into Jared’s chest, so he stumbles backwards and then just keeps pushing and punching, ignoring Jared’s surprised yells of pain, until he’s out in the hall where Jensen finishes with a swing of his fist, right in Jared’s face. Jared hits the opposite wall and slinks down it with a stunned expression.
Jensen tries to yell at him but it’s no good and in the end he does the only thing he can do, slams the door in Jared’s face. Then he runs into the bathroom, locks the door behind him and turns on the shower. He sinks to the bottom of the stall in all his clothes, hides his face in his knees and cries.
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“It was just a party,” Jared mutters for the fifth time. His face really hurts and his head is kinda spinning. “I didn’t even drink that much.”
“That’s not the point and you know it,” Chris snaps. He hands Jared a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel. “Keep the pressure on if you want to see out of that eye tomorrow.”
Jared sighs but does as he’s told. The cool pressure helps sobering him up a little. “I should have called, I know. I just... I lost track of time.”
“Clearly.” Chris shakes his head. “Look, I don’t blame you for needing a breather, kid, but you can’t run off without telling Jensen where you’re going.”
Jared swallows. “It was five hours!” he argues lamely.
“A lot of shit can happen to a person in five hours,” Chris says, his voice hard. “And you can bet Jensen imagined every single one of them happening to you. He should know. Most of them happened to him.”
Jared flinches. “That’s not fair,” he mutters.
Chris throws him a glare. “Who cares about fair? It’s the fucking truth and you know it.”
He can’t really argue with that. They fall into uncomfortable silence, Jared pressing the icepack to his eye, Chris keeping his glare on the wall, occasionally glancing toward the bathroom where the shower is still running.
“This isn’t like you,” he finally says, voice strained. “I don’t mean the drinking. You’re eighteen, in college. Getting drunk is part of the whole fucking experience. But you’re not an asshole, Jared, so why are you acting like one?”
Jared blinks, the lump in his throat suddenly growing twice its size. “I...” he tries but his voice cracks, and just like that his head is in his hands, and he’s crying, his shoulders shaking and breath coming in uneven heaves.
“Hey, hey, Jared. I didn’t mean... Kid, talk to me. What’s going on with you?”
He shakes his head, eyes squeezed closed. There’s a hesitant hand on his shoulder, and then he’s pulled into a hug, Chris’s arms wrapping around him, holding him tight.
“It’s alright. Whatever it is we’ll figure it out. Jared? Jared, listen to me. You’re not alone, okay?” Chris’s voice is quiet, his fingers running through Jared’s hair, soothing him like a child. Practiced moves from years of experience of dealing with a broken ten-year-old. “Just tell me what it is. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Jared sobs, sucking snot up his nose and beating at the tears with his closed fist. “I... I called home,” he finally hiccups.
Chris goes absolutely still. “And?”
“Mo-mom answered. I told her I missed her. And, and, she hung up on me.”
Chris sighs. He pulls Jared even closer, shaking his head in clear exasperation. “I’m so sorry, kid. They don’t deserve you.”
“I just... wanted to talk to her. To my mom,” he sobs. “She’s my mama and she just...” He breaks down again, cradling his head in his arms. “Why?”
“Because they’re scared,” Chris says quietly. “And confused. They thought they knew everything, that they had it all figured out and then you go and mess it all up.” He smiles dryly when Jared looks up at him. “The son they love being the thing they hate? I bet that’s fucking with their heads big time. You never know, they might even see the light.” At Jared’s doubtful look, Chris shrugs. “Okay, probably not, but I bet they’re not sleeping any easier than you are. And whatever makes people think? That’s a good thing. Makes them question and maybe try to see things from a different perspective. Whatever comes out of this, you did that.”
Jared doesn’t really feel any pride in being his parents’ potential source of enlightenment. At the moment he’s too tired and drunk to really feel much of anything except the need to crawl into bed with Jensen. Thinking of Jensen has him hitching his breath all over again. “You think he’s changed his mind? About... about me moving in?”
Chris looks at him thoughtful. “Are you having doubts?” he asks instead of answering.
Jared swallows. “Maybe,” he finally says, his voice quiet. “I have no idea what I’m doing. With school or Jensen or, or anything.”
Chris studies him for a moment then stands up and walks into the kitchen, returning with a big glass of water. “Spill.”
Jared takes a big gulp and sighs. He has no idea where to start. “I’m being stupid.”
Chris shakes his head. “Keeping things to yourself, that’s stupid. Not asking for help, that’s stupid. Talking, now that’s smart. So tell me what’s going on.”
Jared bites his lip. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he repeats. “I can’t... You were right. I don’t know anything about being independent. Paying rent, keep up with the bills, cooking. I’m no good at any of that stuff. And this place... I can’t afford this, man. I can’t... And Jensen,” he rushes on when Chris makes as if to argue, “I love him, I do. But it messes me up inside, what was done to him. Just really screws with my head. Those kids at the Bean... I look at them and I keep seeing these, these horrible…things.” He shudders. “And I have these dreams where I... I’m with Jensen except he’s little and I’m... I’m...” He hides his face in his hands. “He’s screaming and crying and I just... I take him anyway.” He shudders. “I feel so fucking sick. What if that’s what I’m really like? What if I’m one of them? What if my parents are right, and I’m-”
“Jared, stop,” Chris snaps. “Stop it. You’re not. Okay? You’re not.”
“How can you know that?” he sobs.
“Because I’ve been there, okay? You think in all these years of knowing Jensen and dealing with his shit I’ve never had a nightmare like that? Not where I was fucking him but beating the shit out of that little kid, yeah. And it made me feel like the worst monster in the world. But, I mean hell, sometimes he’s such an ass I’m itching to beat some sense into him. That’s all it is, my subconscious giving in and letting him have it, because I won’t.”
Jared sniffles. “But you don’t dream you’re...”
“No, but then again I’m not the one who wants to fuck him.” He sighs when Jared flinches. “Jared, I’m not stupid. I know what happened between you two. Really wish I didn’t but I do. And shit, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like, suddenly having a terrified, crying kid in your bed. But that’s not on you, okay? That’s something Jensen has to figure out. And not by using you as a blow-up doll to experiment on.”
Jared shakes his head, lips pressed together. “We haven’t... Not since before I got sick.”
Chris raises one eyebrow. “Nothing?”
“Just, you know, handjobs and stuff. Not...” He makes a hand movement that has Chris cringing.
“Okay, okay, I get the picture.” It’s hard to see which one of them is more embarrassed.
“I’m not really the best person to... Maybe you can have a couples session with Dr. Ferris to, to talk about... that.” Chris clears his throat. “As for the other stuff... Don’t worry so much, Jared. No one knows how to be an adult until they have to be one, okay? And people still manage, somehow. The bills are taken care of until next month, and when they’re due, I’ll walk you through it. As for the rent...”
His eyes shift to the bathroom, where the shower is still running. “Okay, between you and me? We don’t pay any. Me and my sister inherited this place from our uncle and she’s got her own place down in Austin so... Basically it’s mine.”
Jared stares at him. “What?”
“Don’t give me that look,” Chris mutters, clearly embarrassed. “Only reason I haven’t told Jensen is because it’s the only fucking thing he ever thanks me for. So there. Call me a jerk, I don’t care, a guy’s gotta have something. I’ve been hauling his ass around for ten fucking years and he just...” Chris shakes his head. “Whatever, doesn’t matter. Thing is, there’s no rent. One thing less to worry about.”
Jared blinks. “But... you’re moving out. Of your own apartment? Are you... That’s crazy! We can’t let you do that.”
Chris glares at him. “You can and you will. Besides...” He coughs. “I’m not moving far. Just, you know, a few blocks over. Sophia has a spare room and she said, you know, that I could, you know...”
The blush is so adorable Jared can’t help grinning. “Dude, you just started going out like two months ago.”
“Fuck you. It’s not like that,” Chris hisses, face red. “It’s a spare room. I’m not gonna... Just because...” He looks away. “So, okay, maybe we’ll sometimes... Oh shut up, it’s none of your business.”
Jared snorts a laugh but it’s abruptly cut off when they hear the bathroom door opening. They’d been so immerged in their conversation they didn’t even notice the water turning off. Both of them look up to see Jensen coming out, a towel wrapped around his waist. He blatantly ignores the pair of them as he walks over to his dresser and starts rummaging for clothes.
Chris gives Jared an encouraging smile. “I’ll be at Sophia’s,” he says and stands up. “Call me if you need me.” He leans closer and lowers his voice. “And Jared? Grovel first then explain. You were a prick and you know it.”
Jared swallows and nods. Chris gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder then lets himself out, closing the door quietly behind him.
Jared sits still, watching as Jensen gets dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. At least he’s not planning on leaving, not now anyway. Jared glances out the window at the ongoing storm and cringes. Not that he could even if he wanted to.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asks quietly. He’s starting to feel slightly sick. Stupid tequila.
Jensen doesn’t answer. His hair is still dripping wet, darkening the grey t-shirt’s back. He walks over to his easel, not sparing Jared a glance, and starts sorting through his brushes.
“I wanna stay,” Jared continues, “but if you want to be alone I’ll leave. And if...” He swallows. “If you’d rather I didn’t come back...”
He stops, unable to finish the sentence. Jensen has gone absolutely still.
“Jensen... I’m so sorry. I got drunk and forgot the time but I never meant... I never meant to scare you. I was just...” Jensen’s shoulders stiffen and Jared abruptly stops. “I’m a fucking asshole,” he says instead, breath hitching. “I’m sorry.” He stands up and walks slowly over, his equilibrium threatening to overturn at every step. “Please. Will you... will you please just look at me?”
He holds his breath, gazing at Jensen’s turned back. At the shoulders as they slump and Jensen’s hands drop to his side. Sucks in air through his nose as Jensen slowly turns around and looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes, his nose pink.
“Jensen...” he starts but Jensen raises his hand, cutting him off. They stand like that for a long time, gazing at each other. Jared doesn’t dare move, not even when he feels the tickle of a tear running down his nose. Jensen’s face is unreadable, as blank as the canvas in front of him. When he finally moves Jared can’t help flinching but instead of a slap to the face he gets Jensen’s thumb, wiping the tear away before his hand falls back to his side.
Jared’s breath hitches. “I’m sorry.”
Jensen opens his mouth. Grimaces when nothing comes out. He points at his own chest and curls his fingers into a tight fist, his pained gaze fixed on Jared.
Jared swallows. “I know. I didn’t think. I’m a stupid fuck.”
Jensen shakes his head. The fury is gone from his eyes and he just looks confused and hurt which is so much worse. He points at Jared then cups a hand in front of his chest before fixing his gaze again on Jared, eyebrows slightly raised. It takes Jared a moment to get it.
“No! Are you kidding me? I’d never do that. Plus gay, remember? I’ve no interest in girls. Why would you think that?”
Jensen scrunches up his nose, moving his fingers underneath it like waves. Jared frowns. What? Jensen swats at his shirt, glaring, and repeats the gesture. Jared lifts his shirt and smells it. Oh. Oh!
“I helped a drunk girl into a cab. She was really clingy. But that’s all, I swear. I didn’t touch her, not like that. I didn’t touch anyone. I don’t want to touch anyone. Just you. You’re the only one I want. Ever.” He sniffles, wiping at his face. Okay, now he really feels sick. He swallows, swaying slightly on his feet. Waits.
Jensen gazes at him a while longer but then he looks away and nods, biting his lip. Jared moves to kiss him but Jensen pushes him away, grimacing. He points toward the bathroom, looking irritated and disgusted. Jared cringes, suddenly painfully aware of how badly he must smell. “I’ll be quick,” he says and backs away, smiling hesitantly. Jensen won’t look at him, but at least he’s not being thrown out. That must mean something, right?
Once in the bathroom Jared strips in a hurry and puts his dirty clothes into the hamper. He shoves aside the shower curtain to turn on the water and freezes. Jensen’s clothes lie turned inside out at the bottom of the shower, like shed skin, soaked wet. Jared swallows the guilt and wrings the clothes as dry as he can before hanging them up on the small rack. There’s no hot water left and he stands shivering under the cold spray, rubbing himself with soap to get the stink off. By the time he steps out his skin is turning blue but on the bright side, he’s almost sober.
Jensen is already in bed, eyes closed. Jared crawls under the covers but doesn’t dare get too close, both because Jensen is probably still awake and pissed at him but mostly because shocking Jensen by wrapping ice-cold arms around him is not likely to earn him any points.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
Jensen ignores him. Jared sighs and closes his eyes as well. He’s asleep by the time Jensen turns around and is therefore unaware of being watched by thoughtful eyes until the early morning hours.
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Jensen isn’t really deceiving anyone, he’s just... making things easier for them. Not that he really thinks Jared would say no but... well, you never know. He casually suggests they stop and buy coffee on the way over and then points out that if Jared is just gonna be reading for class he can just as well do that in the waiting room. When Jensen’s name is called he gives Jared a kiss and goes in, as usual closing the door behind him. But before Sam can greet him he blurts out, “Jared needs help.”
She raises her eyebrow, surprised. “Okay. What kind of help?”
“Your help. You need to talk to him. He’s...” He stops, not sure how to explain it. “Cracking.”
She frowns, picking up one of the folders and flipping through it before looking up at him in question. He doesn’t know what she wants him to say. What he can say. “Please.” He coughs, grimaces. Fuck. Does his best impression of Jared’s puppy eyes instead. After a brief hesitation she nods.
“Okay, I’ll ask Sarah to look if there’s a free slot-”
Jensen shakes his head and opens the door. Jared looks up from his book and Jensen waves him impatiently over.
“What?” Jared says as he stands up, looking bewildered, at the same time as Jensen hears Sam say, “Jensen,” behind him, sounding not too pleased. Before she can interfere he grabs Jared’s hand and pulls him into the room, closing the door behind them and turning to Sam, eyes pleading.
She hesitates only a moment before standing up, her hand outstretched. “Hello, Jared. I’m Sam.”
Jared glances at Jensen, clearly wondering what he’s up to. “Jared,” he says, giving her a polite smile as they shake hands. “Nice to meet you. Uh... did you want to talk to me?”
Jensen pretends not to notice the reproaching look Sam sends him. Thankfully Sam seems to decide her loyalty lies with him rather than Jared and with a patient smile gestures them to sit down.
“I thought it was time we met,” she says and takes a seat opposite. “Since Jensen has told me so much about you.”
“Okay,” Jared says hesitantly. He looks uncomfortable where he sits on the couch so Jensen takes his hand and squeezes it, giving him an encouraging smile. “Is this like a couple’s session?”
She shrugs. “Can be. Or, if you want, it can be just you and me. I’m sure Jensen won’t mind,” she adds, sending him a pointed look.
Jensen just smiles and gives Jared’s hand an encouraging pat. If anything Jared looks even more awkward. “But you’re Jensen’s therapist.”
She smiles. “And you’re his boyfriend. Soon to be roommate as well, I hear.”
Jared smiles back but Jensen notices it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah.”
“Living together, that’s a big step. Very grown-up.”
Jared shrugs. “I guess.” He fidgets in his seat, looking around the room with a slightly nervous expression. “Nice setup you’ve got here.”
He inclines his head toward the art section of the room and Jensen grabs the opportunity to jump up and walk over to one of the easels. ‘Go on,’ he gestures. ‘Don’t mind me.’
Jared stares at him incredulous, like he just can’t believe Jensen is leaving him, all on his own.
“There he goes again,” Sam says with a smile. “Not that I have to tell you. So, Jared, tell me a little about yourself.”
Jensen makes sure to keep his eyes on the easel while his ears try to hone in on their conversation. His hands are moving pretty much on their own accord, drawing shapes and shadows he’s not even aware of, seeing as he’s too busy eavesdropping. Jared starts slowly at first but after a while he loosens up and soon he’s talking freely about his first weeks at school and meeting Jensen. It’s nothing Jensen hasn’t heard before so he zones it out for the time being, his focus shifting to the drawing that’s slowly emerging in front of him. It’s of Jared, no surprise there, asleep in their bed. Jensen nibbles at his lip, frowning, and then his hands start to really work, quickly but surely. He loses track of time and place and completely forgets about Jared being in the room until he’s suddenly there, his hand on Jensen’s arm, pulling him gently but surely out of his headspace.
“You okay?” he asks as Jensen fumbles to get his mind back into the here and now. He suddenly remembers what they came for and takes a sharp look at Jared. The nervous awkwardness that followed him into the room is gone, replaced by a calmer if not quite content look. Jared is smiling softly, but there’s a thoughtful look in his eyes that Jensen hopes is a positive sign. Instead of answering he turns the question on Jared, asking, “Are you?”
Jared nods. “I’m good. And, apparently, naked.”
Jensen blinks. What?
Jared raises his eyebrows and Jensen looks over at the drawing in front of him. Oh.
“So, am I to assume there’s a collection of nude pictures of me hidden somewhere in this office?” Jared asks, cheeks pink but his voice is strained with suppressed laughter.
Jensen can’t help it, he blushes and looks away. Jared’s eyes widen. “No! Really? Oh my god. You pervert. Both of you,” he admonishes, pointing a finger at Sam, who laughs and raises her hands in defense.
“They’re all very tasteful,” she promises. When Jared glares at her the smile turns soft, and she adds, “You occupy quite a large part of his mind.”
That shuts him up. Jensen grins and risks giving her a thumb up behind Jared’s back, but she only narrows her eyes at him, a silent promise that they’ll talk about his little stunt later. Yes, yes, whatever. If this helps Jared feel better it’s worth Sam being pissed at him.
“She had no idea you were bringing me in, did she?” Jared asks once they’re in the truck. Jensen looks at him with fake innocence, eyes wide. “Oh don’t give me that. She seems to be a good therapist but she can’t act for shit. It’s okay, I just wish you’d told me. I would have come.”
Jensen shrugs and sends him a small smile, then clears his throat. “So how was it?” he asks, trying to sound casual and failing spectacularly.
Jared glances at him then shakes his head. “You really do go to another world when you’re working, don’t you? It was fine. Good. It was good. I got to vent and sob like a little girl and she gave me some advice on how to cope with anxiety and stuff.” He shrugs, like it doesn’t really matter. It makes Jensen’s heart hurt. “But she can’t take me on, you know that. Not like she does with you. She’s a specialist, and a damn expensive one. My problems are more mainstream. Ordinary.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out with a sigh. “The school has a counselor. I hear he’s good. I think maybe I should go see him.”
Jensen lays his hand on Jared’s knee and squeezes. “Okay,” he says, his voice even rougher than usual. “But if you need... Don’t worry about the money. We’ll figure that out.”
Jared shoots him a tired smile, but he doesn’t argue so that’s good.
They drive home in silence.
Chapter 14 | Chapter 16