Should I go or should I stay? Where is my life going? Should I stay here and go to school? I hate it here. It makes me anxious. Like I haven't gotten out of my skin. I want to go to Nebraska. But...i'm afraid. Jeremy told me yesterday that he would never want me again. It shouldn't of hurt, I mean it's been 5 months...but it did. It hurt a lot. I ( Read more... )

Life never changes. No matter how hard I try, life never gets better. Why do I even try at all.

So I did a bunch of shrooms the other day...Great way to start off a entry huh! Sorry, anyway... They did a crazy thing to me. They turned my life into a bomb. My whole life exploded. I thought of everything I hated about myself and balled my eyes out for a good hour. Then, When the bomb that was my life settled I began to pick up the pieces. I ( Read more... )

Ever since I was young and shit I have always believed that I would die at 21. I turn 20 in a couple months. I suddenly feel like my life is ending. My world is really out of control. I don't know what is real or what is a dream anymore. I either need to be thrown into a mental hospital or I need to die. I can't take my insanity anymore. It is ( Read more... )

I am in such a good mood today! This is very rare. I had an actual conversation with Jeremy last night. I haven't talked to him like that since I lived with him. And we didn't even fight! I am so excited! Me and Chelly are going to the psychic fair at the cosmic cat today. It will be so much fun! My sister Sam came home from Papau New Guinea ( Read more... )

I hate that I think about him. Jeremy doesn't care about me anymore, why should I care about him? I should hate him, why don't I hate him? Our whole life together was a lie. Just one big lie. I have just recently begun to believe that ignorance is bliss. If he never told me that he didn't love me anymore, I would stil be in love with him. I would ( Read more... )

I feel like my life is going nowhere. I feel like i'm in a dream that I can't wake up from. Why am I alive? What is my purpose? I thought I was here to be with jeremy, I was wrong, he doesn't need me. Then I thought I could move in with Jenn to help her escape her crazy husband, she didn't need me either. Now I'm in CT to help my mom pay rent and ( Read more... )

I am back in Ct now. It still doesn't feel like I live here. I feel like I am on vacation. I don't feel real. Living with my mom is so weird. I feel like i'm sixteen again, trapped wthin my mother's grasps. I haven't been home at all since i've been here. I get home at like 1 in the morning. I never go out. I am usually a homebody. Something is ( Read more... )

So, six days now and I should be in CT. Crazy thought. I can't believe it yet. I am half packed right now and I am so excited. I am driving down with Jess which will be SO AWESOME! We get to stop in Delaware so she can see her family she hasn't seen in years. Then I get to take her around Ct to see people and things she hasn't seen in years. It ( Read more... )

So, since I have had to figure out what I am going to do, (about my living situation), I have finally figured out an answer. I am going to move in with my mom. Sounds crazy, I know... But, she is in an apartment right now that she can't afford by herself because her boyfriend moved out, so... I am going to help her out. We have not been on good ( Read more... )