The Skype conversation mom and I had a few days ago is still sitting with me. So many things I wish I could've said, but it would've just led to a fight. I didn't retort because I knew already what she was saying was stupid and non-applicable. Now it's been a few days and her thoughtless words are still ringing through my head, driving me into ( Read more... )

I was thinking about blind rage since today a customer angered me with her "made for reality tv" attitude.

I envisioned telling Jason that if we ever had children, he needed to make sure never to let me lose my cool because something foul would happen- I'm talking utter terror. If my child ever angered me enough, I might take a bat to all his ( Read more... )

I had dinner with Jeane on Tuesday where we learned more about each others' childhood. Then I had dinner with Gisele on Thursday and discussed the struggle with our (single) parents. I felt less alone (and I'm sure they felt a kinship too) and better with myself that we all struggled and made something of ourselves.

What I truly miss about my dad ( Read more... )

This trip was a little more expensive than I budgeted. I'm down to a little savings left but I don't regret it at all.

I saw the galphas and Blanca in AZ, my siblings in LA, and now Im going to Richmond to see my boyfriend.

In a compact amount of time, I got to see all the people I really really really wanted to see. Some people I only really want to ( Read more... )

I think papa is fuckin with Jason.

Earlier, my sheet music for "More Than Words" disappeared. Then I sent Jason a photo of me at the cemetery and he said his phone restarted randomly.

Came to learn that the family only visits papa once a year; during the winter holidays.

A part of me is sad about that but I guess it happens.

When I was a kid, I hated visiting the cemetery. I was in total denial then that my normal life habits should change and I found that dealing with my mother's grieving process was part of that. Now as an adult ( Read more... )

I had a vision.

Jason opens one of his emotional baggage to reveal the level of his damaged soul. I retreat and suspend myself from the situation. I tell myself I don't know if I can handle this... (1) I'm not someone's band-aid or crutch. (2) I can be that strong pillar in someone's life, I once was a good source of strength, but feel its very ( Read more... )

I always choose to work so I don't have to face being stood up on the holidays.

This year, I received 2 awesome presents that filled my tiny heart with joy: the Consunjis and the Isidros.

Joanne Consunji commented on my NYC Christmas photos that she was going to be in town. I asked to spend Christmas day with her family. They haven't seen me since ( Read more... )

Most of my best female friends since childhood have babies. I get nostalgic seeing photos and videos. I can't believe they're moms!! It makes me feel young because I cant fathom that this is a child rearing age.

It makes me want a family too but I cant have kids yet, I just can't. I feel like my life JUST started. 2 years getting my feet wet, ( Read more... )

I can't help feeling like the other shoe is about to drop.

Things are going so well: new jobs, new friends, a godson, new dance sched/ops. Mom and Ryan are doing good. My grandfather is recovering. I'm healthy. I'm attractive. I have a nice savings going on. And more ops keep coming.

Maybe I've finally learned how to let go and purge my system of ( Read more... )