First entry of the 2012 GO GO GO ( Read more... )

Bloody hell, I'm terrible at maintaining updates in you of late aren't I LJ? S'been like three months again. Oh well, allow me to fill you in on the going-ons ( Read more... )

Heya LJ, it's about time I update you on what's been happenin'. How 'bout we do a listy-list ( Read more... )

Oh hey, I'm not dead. Yet, anyway. Couldn't go through with it on the birthday because I'm so fucking poor I can't afford anything, much less specialty health food stuffs. So instead I spent that day with Jill and have pretty well not seen her since. She went to Texas for treatment, came back and got arrested for "violating probation" which was a ( Read more... )

Down to three days left. I placed an order today for a 2-pound bag of apricot seeds, which I'm pretty sure is like 4 times the dosage needed to actually cause cyanide poisoning. Better safe than sorry though amirite? Still uncertain if I can pull it off, but I'll have the means either way. So there's that ( Read more... )

9 days. Down to the last week. I dunno if I can go through with it, though. Especially now that I'm back on my meds; much of the panic has subsided into a morose sort of acceptance. Things seem to be back on track with Jill for the most part but I haven't heard from her all day today except for one message: "I messed up." I've no idea what she ( Read more... )

I lost my mind again. It's back now. I went and got my medicine filled because I was horrified. I did it again. Lost my bloody mind and became cruel, vindictive, accusatory. Said things I did not mean. Slung words I should not have said. I may have destroyed my relationship and I've no one to blame but myself. I suppose I could blame John to some ( Read more... )

Too much. It's all too much. I can't fucking take this anymore. I don't know if I can wait until the ninth. The lack of jobs is harrowing and soul-crushing. I felt like things were progressing a little with Jill but just in the past half hour have screeched to a grinding halt again because she's upset with me over something that isn't even my fault ( Read more... )

Jill is still being distant. Says she still loves me but doesn't know if we should be together because of the cancer. It's so painful. At this point all I DO want is to be with her. I mean it's not like we can get time back once it's gone... And we should enjoy each other's companionship and love for every bit it's worth. But alas I can't seem to ( Read more... )

28 days left and the scales are tipping perilously. Things keep getting worse instead of better. Fear is utterly consuming me. I am so lost in all this negativity. I'm trying, trying so so hard, but it seems as though everything is against me ( Read more... )