You Won't Need Me Where I'm Goin'.
Bloody hell, I'm terrible at maintaining updates in you of late aren't I LJ? S'been like three months again. Oh well, allow me to fill you in on the going-ons.
First order of business is that I ended my relationship with Jill. That was going downhill fast, and in ways I knew would destroy any likelihood of us remaining civil towards one another, so I preempted the inevitable bad end and thus managed to salvage at least a distant friendship. She was/still sort of is torn up about it, but you'll have that. She shouldn't have taken me for granted so much. I haven't any other dating prospects, and even if I did I would likely not take them right now. There's a major reason for that, but aside from that major reason, it's mainly because I'm just sick of attracting psychos, cheaters, and drama queens. I need to look out for myself for now.
Which I'm doing, albeit poorly. Being re-jobified has certainly taken a major edge of the stress and horror I'd been feeling about everything, but at the rate things have been going, I'm making no progress. Coupling together my debts and my current bills, I'm paying out more than I'm drawing in each month. That's pretty rough. Not to mention I feel major resentment towards my "superiors" for treating me like an underling considering I ran a much larger kitchen much more efficiently than they do this one. I could go on and on about how it's not fair etc., but really it's my fault for allowing myself to fall into the position I have. Despite that, I work hard and complain as little as I can, biding my time until better things on the horizon arrive. On a brighter note about the place, one of my coworkers has been helping me out tremendously with food and such since I can't really afford groceries. It's been a wonderful help and I appreciate it immensely, not to mention the fact that it instills some hope that people really can be generous.
As far as the better things on the horizon... well, I'm working on a rather grandiose plan that will change my entire life as I know it, and hopefully it will be a drastic improvement. For the past few months I've been getting heavily interested in self-hypnosis, meditation, and a yogic lifestyle. Ironically, Wil got himself accepted as a resident at a place called Mount Madonna Institute, which is a Yoga retreat and conference center. He has since been happier than he's ever been in his life, and considering all he's told me about the place and my own budding interest in the lifestyle, we are now attempting to raise the money for me to go. The catch? It's in California, and once I go I will lose my income again. So basically we have to raise the money to get me there, then I have to file bankruptcy to dissolve my debts so that I will have no need to be making money in the first place. I have no doubt that once I get there my cynicism, depression, and anxiety will all experience massive decreases, leading me to a much healthier lifestyle. It had better anyway; I cannot continue living the mindless drone lifestyle I have been. I can't just keep working shitty to semi-decent jobs merely to make enough money to pay my bills in some faux-attempt to live out the traditional capitalist American dream. That is not something I've ever wanted to any extent. I'm an artist, a thinker, a philosopher, and an explorative soul. To deny such callings will merely serve to destroy me, and as much as my psychotic levels of deepest depression would like me to think I want death, I know that I truly do not. I want to live life to the fullest. Living in Mount Madonna with my best friend in an environment that fosters and nurtures the creative and thoughtful life I want will be a blessing. It's just a matter of making the dream reality. Much works remains to be done, but I will get there.
That aside, not much has changed aside from me being at least slightly more centered emotionally. I'm also working on getting my meds back, at least temporarily. That will help center me even more, so I can focus on my goals. Heck yeah for finally having a realistic goal to strive towards at any rate.
So that's the jist of life right now LJ. I'll let you know when further developments come up. Take it chill.
First order of business is that I ended my relationship with Jill. That was going downhill fast, and in ways I knew would destroy any likelihood of us remaining civil towards one another, so I preempted the inevitable bad end and thus managed to salvage at least a distant friendship. She was/still sort of is torn up about it, but you'll have that. She shouldn't have taken me for granted so much. I haven't any other dating prospects, and even if I did I would likely not take them right now. There's a major reason for that, but aside from that major reason, it's mainly because I'm just sick of attracting psychos, cheaters, and drama queens. I need to look out for myself for now.
Which I'm doing, albeit poorly. Being re-jobified has certainly taken a major edge of the stress and horror I'd been feeling about everything, but at the rate things have been going, I'm making no progress. Coupling together my debts and my current bills, I'm paying out more than I'm drawing in each month. That's pretty rough. Not to mention I feel major resentment towards my "superiors" for treating me like an underling considering I ran a much larger kitchen much more efficiently than they do this one. I could go on and on about how it's not fair etc., but really it's my fault for allowing myself to fall into the position I have. Despite that, I work hard and complain as little as I can, biding my time until better things on the horizon arrive. On a brighter note about the place, one of my coworkers has been helping me out tremendously with food and such since I can't really afford groceries. It's been a wonderful help and I appreciate it immensely, not to mention the fact that it instills some hope that people really can be generous.
As far as the better things on the horizon... well, I'm working on a rather grandiose plan that will change my entire life as I know it, and hopefully it will be a drastic improvement. For the past few months I've been getting heavily interested in self-hypnosis, meditation, and a yogic lifestyle. Ironically, Wil got himself accepted as a resident at a place called Mount Madonna Institute, which is a Yoga retreat and conference center. He has since been happier than he's ever been in his life, and considering all he's told me about the place and my own budding interest in the lifestyle, we are now attempting to raise the money for me to go. The catch? It's in California, and once I go I will lose my income again. So basically we have to raise the money to get me there, then I have to file bankruptcy to dissolve my debts so that I will have no need to be making money in the first place. I have no doubt that once I get there my cynicism, depression, and anxiety will all experience massive decreases, leading me to a much healthier lifestyle. It had better anyway; I cannot continue living the mindless drone lifestyle I have been. I can't just keep working shitty to semi-decent jobs merely to make enough money to pay my bills in some faux-attempt to live out the traditional capitalist American dream. That is not something I've ever wanted to any extent. I'm an artist, a thinker, a philosopher, and an explorative soul. To deny such callings will merely serve to destroy me, and as much as my psychotic levels of deepest depression would like me to think I want death, I know that I truly do not. I want to live life to the fullest. Living in Mount Madonna with my best friend in an environment that fosters and nurtures the creative and thoughtful life I want will be a blessing. It's just a matter of making the dream reality. Much works remains to be done, but I will get there.
That aside, not much has changed aside from me being at least slightly more centered emotionally. I'm also working on getting my meds back, at least temporarily. That will help center me even more, so I can focus on my goals. Heck yeah for finally having a realistic goal to strive towards at any rate.
So that's the jist of life right now LJ. I'll let you know when further developments come up. Take it chill.