Skin You're In 17/18?
Title: Skin You're In 17/18?
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaehwa (Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Heechul, past Yunho/Jaehwa)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They aren't mine to play with.
Summary: Jaehwa is one of the prettiest girls Yoochun has ever met. Yoochun isn't sure how to react when he finds out that Jaehwa is a girl in her mind, but she has the body of a man. Does that change who she is?
Warnings: Transgender!Jaejoong
A/N: Before you start reading, I suggest you familiarize yourself with Gender Identity Disorder. I personally think calling it a disorder is bullshit. There is a lot of controversy over this topic.
If you have questions, or you want to discuss this topic with others, go here: http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/40030.html (you have to be a member of the community, go here to join http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/)
A/N Part 2: This fic is dedicated to willowwing because she has gone to great lengths to make her most recent fic realistic, and I hope that I have taken this topic and done the same. And she loves JaeChun, so it's a JaeChun.
Part 17: The Letter
Yoochun stepped out of the shower and gathered his towel around his waist. There was a box on the counter full of Jaehwa’s things, and Yoochun frowned at the physical reminder that he wasn’t going to see his girlfriend for a very long time.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, Yoochun’s asthma wasn’t as big a factor in his physical testing as he thought it was, and he was classified as a level three. That meant that he wasn’t going to get to live in his own apartment for a civil service job, but live on base with other military personnel. Changmin, being perfectly healthy, was put in level one, so after basic training, they wouldn’t see each other again.
Jaehwa wasn’t in his room. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and went to find her, frowning at more boxes, half full of stuff. He hadn’t realized how much of her had already been in his apartment.
Jaehwa lay curled up on his couch, enclosed in a one of his hoodies and wrapped up in one of his blankets. She was staring at the blank television, eyes puffy with tears.
Yoochun kneeled in front of her and touched her cheek. She whimpered and lifted up enough to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Yoochun held her shaking body for a long time. She shifted up on the couch and he lay next to her, holding her tightly with arms and legs, and lips against her cheek.
“Come to bed with me,” Yoochun whispered.
Jaehwa swallowed, but nodded. They stood up, bodies touching, unwilling to part even for a second. Yoochun put his arm around her waist and she curled into him, more shuffling than walking. They climbed into bed, just as connected as before, and Yoochun lay on his back, his beautiful girlfriend curled up at his side.
“I don’t want you to go,” Jaehwa said.
“I don’t want to go.”
Jaehwa smiled and looked up at him. “You have a passport, don’t you? Let’s defect to Japan.”
“If I get imprisoned for that, it’ll be for longer than just getting it over with.”
“I know, but it’d be fun to go to Japan.”
“We’ll go after.”
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and said, “I can get surgery in Japan. Doctor Lee says they have surgeons there that actually care about people like me.”
“You’re thinking about surgery?”
“Yeah, but … not until you get back.”
“Good. I want to be there for you and take care of you afterwards.”
Jaehwa buried her face in Yoochun’s neck. “God, I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too.” Yoochun ran his hand over her head, smoothing her hair. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling with tears and Yoochun’s throat tightened. Their lips met easily, comfortably.
“Chunnie-love?” she whispered after a while.
“Hmm?”
“Our two year anniversary is next week.”
Yoochun swallowed. “Yeah.”
“You’re already going to be gone.”
“Yeah.”
Jaehwa sighed and pushed her hands under Yoochun’s tank top. He lifted and they parted for long enough to pull it over his head. Jaehwa shifted and straddled his lap, running her hands up and down his chest and stomach. Her nails caught on a nipple and Yoochun hissed at the unintentional touch.
Jaehwa smirked. “Horny bastard,” she said and rolled his nipple around her finger for a moment.
Yoochun grinned. “Maybe a little,” he replied and reached up for the zipper on the hoody. It slipped down easily, revealing bare skin flushed pink. Yoochun pressed his hands to her breasts, cupping them with his own smirk. Whatever that medicine Jaehwa was on, sure was working. Yoochun wouldn’t call the bumps breasts just yet, but her chest was fuller than it was a few months ago.
Jaehwa tilted her head back and sighed. Her fingers stilled and Yoochun pinched her nipples lightly.
“Feel good?”
“Yeah, just … overly sensitive.”
Yoochun grinned. He lifted his body off the bed and pulled himself up with a firm hand around Jaehwa’s back. His mouth attached to her nipple and sucked lightly.
“Hm, Chunnie-ah,” she whispered, hands gripping the back of his head. “They’re going to cut off your hair.”
Yoochun chuckled and let his fingers trace the new subtle curve of breast. “Yeah. But that’s okay. I look good with short hair too."
“Do you think the army will rid you of your arrogance?”
“I hope not.”
Jaehwa giggled. “You wouldn’t be you without it.”
Yoochun lowered Jaehwa to the bed and crawled over her, knees at her hips. Her hand slid down his bare back and pushed into his sweat pants to cup his ass. He smiled and kissed her gently, persuading her into a deeper kiss over long minutes. Her breath came out shaky, her hands quivering on his skin. They’d made love four times since yesterday, since Jaehwa had come over to pack her things. Yoohwan was moving in over the weekend, and Yoochun was leaving for the army on Monday. They really shouldn’t have gone back to bed; Jaehwa needed to pack.
“I love you,” Yoochun whispered, somehow managing to get the words past the lump in his throat.
Her chest hitched and her eyes shut. Yoochun wasn’t surprised when she started crying again. This new medication was not only giving her softer skin, muscles and breasts, but it was also messing with her emotions. Doctor Lee said it was normal and that she was very pleased with Jaehwa’s progress.
Yoochun was too, but he hated it when she cried. He kissed her cheeks and her chin with open lips, whispering I love you into each new kiss. Earlier that morning he’d left hickys all over her body, reminders that would last four or five days. He kissed each one, sliding down her body, hands roving on her skin. He already had the sensitive spots memorized. He already knew that he could draw her naked body from memory.
How different would her body be when he was released from the army? How different would she be? Would her personality change? Would her drive in life? Would she be more dedicated or fall under the weight of the pressure without him there to support her?
Yoochun kissed up her body, pausing to lick her collarbones. The whimpers she made, even after so long together, when that sensitive skin was touched, were still full of pleasure and disbelief. Yoochun added another small hicky to the skin just below and then pulled up and just stared at her face.
Tears stained her cheeks. Her lashes fluttered. Her mouth was open, soft, short breaths slipping past her lips. Her tongue swiped along her lower lip, and Yoochun moaned and sucked it into his mouth. Jaehwa whimpered, fingers tightening on his back. Her body arched into his, their chests pressed together.
“Chunnie-love, oh god, don’t go, please.”
Yoochun’s chest tightened and he kissed her cheek and chin and lips. His elbows bent, unable to keep himself up, and he covered her completely. Her arms and legs wrapped around him, moving, never still, trying to wrap him up as tightly as possible. Keep him. Never let him go.
“I can’t … I can’t.”
Yoochun kissed below her jaw, body shaking. He blinked and tears dripped down his cheek. He put on arm around her neck and the other around her back, holding her. “I’m so sorry.”
Sobs wracked her body, and Yoochun shifted to the side. She clung to him, trembling. He did his best to calm her down with touches and kisses. No words, though. He couldn’t say anything to make her feel better. He had to go to the army.
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
“Jaehwa, beautiful girl,” Yoochun’s mother said as soon as they entered the gelato shop on Sunday morning. She hugged Jaehwa tightly.
Jaehwa froze in her embrace, and her chest hitched.
“Whatever is the matter?”
Yoochun cleared his throat and motioned to a table. “You should sit down.”
Shock covered her face and then she grabbed Yoochun’s shoulders. “You’re not leaving her are you? Oh god, don’t break your mother’s heart. Please.”
Yoochun led his mom to a table. “No, eomma, I’m not leaving her. That would be the same as ripping out my own heart.”
“Good.”
“Where’s Yoohwan?”
“In the back.”
Yoochun nodded, and went to the counter; he leaned over it and shouted, “Yoohwan!”
“What?”
“Come out here. Family meeting!”
“All right, all right.”
Jaehwa sat nervously across from his mother, and stared a hole in the table.
“Is everything okay?” Yoochun’s mother asked, touching Jaehwa’s hand.
Jaehwa flinched and then took a deep breath. “Maybe.”
“Maybe? Oh god, you’re not pregnant are you? Not that that would be a bad thing, we’d just have to get you two married before he goes to his military service, which I think you two should have done anyway.”
Jaehwa sort of smiled. “No. I … I can’t get pregnant.”
“What?”
Yoochun sat next to Jaehwa and then a moment later Yoohwan sat next to their mother. Yoochun took Jaehwa’s shaking hand and squeezed.
“We have to tell you something,” Yoochun said, “and Jaehwa doesn’t want to, but I think it’s necessary.”
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and then took another deep breath and looked up. Yoochun’s mother’s face had gone almost to stone.
Yoochun loved that his mother was strong. It was probably why he was so attracted to Jaehwa.
“It isn’t easy for me to say this, but … I would rather have you hear from me, rather than hear from the press,” Jaehwa said.
Yoochun squeezed her hand one more time in support.
“I … I was born into a male body. My parents named me Kim Jaejoong, but even at a young age, I didn’t know how to act like a boy like my father wanted. I was more comfortable playing with my eight older sisters than I was playing with my boy cousins. I … I left my home when I was eighteen and …”
Yoochun stared at his mother. She said nothing, eyes narrowed.
Jaehwa swallowed nervously and did as she had done with Heechul and pulled out her ID card.
“What the fuck?” Yoohwan asked, and their mother did not reprimand him for his language. That was enough to show Yoochun that she was either in shock or very, very angry.
“I’m petitioning to have my name changed,” Jaehwa continued. “And the press might get incredibly interested in it, so Yoochun said it was a good idea to tell everyone close to us, so they . Yeah …”
“I knew you had a secret,” Yoohwan said and jabbed his finger into Yoochun’s shoulder.
“Eomma,” Yoochun said and reached for her hand.
She jerked back, shot a look at Yoohwan, and Yoohwan stood up.
Jaehwa broke off a little sob as his mother walked away from their table and went into the back.
Yoohwan handed the ID card back to Yoochun. “You make a much prettier girl than a boy, noona,” Yoohwan said.
Jaehwa tried to smile.
“You’re okay with this?” Yoochun said seriously.
“Yes. Remember when I dated Taemin? He was more woman than man.”
Yoochun chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“Chunnie-ah, I have to get to work,” Jaehwa whispered.
Yoochun nodded, staring off to where his mom had gone.
“I’ll go with you,” Yoohwan said suddenly. “We’re going to be in-laws, might as well hang out a bit.”
“Dongsaeng,” Yoochun said in warning.
“What? Did I say anything about telling her stories about you when we were younger? No, I didn’t. We’re just going to hang out.”
Jaehwa finally smiled.
“Don’t believe anything he tells you,” Yoochun said and shook his finger at her.
Jaehwa smiled, and leaned forward. She blushed, and tried to lean away, eyes darting to Yoohwan, but Yoochun cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently.
“I’ll be by to see you in a few hours. I have a couple more pieces of paperwork I need to fill out before I go to the army offices.”
Jaehwa nodded.
Yoochun stood up and they did too. Jaehwa hugged him tightly.
“Don’t worry about eomma. She’s stubborn like you are,” Yoohwan said.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Yoochun caressed Jaehwa’s cheek. “I love you, my angel.”
She smiled. “I love you, too.”
“Sap fest,” Yoohwan muttered.
They laughed, and Yoohwan took Jaehwa by the elbow and led her out of the store. Yoochun waited until they were in a taxi, and Jaehwa waved and Yoochun waved. He stood in the middle of his mom’s gelato shop for another moment, and then went to the back.
He heard his mom crying before he came to the office. He leaned against the wall outside of it and sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, loud enough for her to hear.
She stopped crying.
“I love her so much. I always have. When I first saw her, I knew that I had to ask her out, and find out everything about her. When she told me she was actually a boy, I almost ended things with her, but I went almost a day without talking to her and my heart broke and I missed her so much. It’s been really hard. And it’s been even harder since Jaehwa doesn’t have support from her family. We’ve both been afraid to tell you.”
He sighed.
“You love her?” his mother said, right next to him.
“Yes. More than anything.”
“You can’t marry her.”
Yoochun shook his head. “Not yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“If she has reconstructive surgery, she can apply to the courts to have her gender legally changed. And then we can get married.”
“Oh my god.”
Yoochun smiled at the blush that covered his mom’s face. “Trust me. I know. Getting her name changed is the first step.”
His mom stayed silent. He pulled out the lined paper he’d written his letter on. He needed to type it out before submitting it to the courts, but it’d been really easy to just write and write until he’d said everything he needed to. He handed it to her, and his mom had to wipe her eyes before she read it. He waited in silence.
His mother lowered the papers when she was done reading.
“I need you on this, eomma. I need you, please. She’s so worried about everyone but herself. She didn’t want to tell you because she was afraid of what it would do to our relationship.”
His mom hugged him tightly, papers crinkling. “You’re still my little boy, and look at you, taking on society and being different. But oh god, Yoochun-ah, what if Yoohwan falls in love with a man? I’ll never have grandchildren.”
“Jaehwa and I can eventually adopt.”
“That’s a long ways down the road.”
“Yeah. Her therapist is really nice and helping her go through the steps of what comes next. You’d like Dr. Lee.”
“Maybe Jaehwa would let me go with her one day.”
Yoochun nodded. “Yeah. She needs a mother. Her own mom is …” He sighed. “She isn’t nice. When she goes home, Jaehwa disappears, and Jaejoong … God.”
“Okay. I may not agree with it, and I may not understand it, but I will support you because you’re my son and I trust you.”
“Thanks, eomma.”
Yoochun hugged her tightly.
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
To the Courts of the Republic of South Korea,
My name is Park Yoochun. I am the oldest son in my family, and in one week, I am to start my military service. Two years ago, fate, providence or God (depending on what you believe in) intervened in my life and introduced me to the most amazing woman. I met Kim Jaehwa at the Angel Café where she still currently works. Love at first sight isn’t a strong enough name for the phenomenon that hit me that day. Unfortunately, it was only one sided and I spent the next four months practically begging her to let me take her out. Only on the advice of her best friend did Jaehwa finally agree to go out with me.
I did my best to her, and treated her like any lady should be treated. She has told me many times that she is glad I am a gentleman. Being a gentleman takes patience though, and mine was wearing thin. It’s odd these days to go more than a week without kissing the girl you are dating. I went four months.
Her reluctance was not because of me, fortunately.
The day she told me she was born into a male body was the day I felt my life might end. I felt betrayed and alarmed. And mildly weirded out. I thought of what she must have gone through in her life, I thought of what we would go through if we continued to date. I thought about what my mother would think when she found out that the woman I loved could not give her the grandchildren she so desperately needed. I thought of all those things, and tried to talk myself out of it.
I couldn’t, and now I’m glad. The fact that Jaehwa was born in the wrong body does not change who she is. It does not change the girl I fell in love with. It does not change the fact that Jaehwa loves raspberry tea and sappy movies and pretty much all things pink or yellow or lavender. She is still the strong person I met. She’s still the stubborn person I met. She is still the wonderful person I fell in love with.
When I thought about my life without her, I knew I would move on. I knew I’d probably find another girl that I loved and that I could marry. But I didn’t want to. Jaehwa makes me happy. Dating her and being in love with her has made the last two years of my life the best two years of my life, and I want to have that happiness grow.
I love Jaehwa. I always have. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of dating. As soon as I am through with my military service, we will move in together. She is hesitant about marriage, but only because we can’t legally get married. But I still want to have a ceremony with her, something that shows her that I will be by her side for the rest of our lives.
Jaehwa has lived her whole life under the scrutiny of others, under their persecution and ridicule. This has made her stronger, and strengthened her resolve to live as she was meant to be. Changing her name will be one step closer to helping her with her troubles. Please allow my beautiful angel to do this. She has already suffered so much.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I will do my best in the army and serve the Republic of Korea until the end of my days.
Park Yoochun
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
Part 18: The Homecoming
Part 16: The Changes
Part 15: The Visit
Part 14: The Reassurance
Part 13: The Close Call
Part 12: The Meeting
Part 11: The Progress
Part 10: The Reset
Part 9: The Suuport | Part 8: The Situation | Part 7: The Promise | Part 6: The Conflict | Part 5: The Setback | Part 4: The Date | Part 3: The Wait | Part 2: The Talk | Part 1: The Secret
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Pairing: Yoochun/Jaehwa (Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Heechul, past Yunho/Jaehwa)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They aren't mine to play with.
Summary: Jaehwa is one of the prettiest girls Yoochun has ever met. Yoochun isn't sure how to react when he finds out that Jaehwa is a girl in her mind, but she has the body of a man. Does that change who she is?
Warnings: Transgender!Jaejoong
A/N: Before you start reading, I suggest you familiarize yourself with Gender Identity Disorder. I personally think calling it a disorder is bullshit. There is a lot of controversy over this topic.
If you have questions, or you want to discuss this topic with others, go here: http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/40030.html (you have to be a member of the community, go here to join http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/)
A/N Part 2: This fic is dedicated to willowwing because she has gone to great lengths to make her most recent fic realistic, and I hope that I have taken this topic and done the same. And she loves JaeChun, so it's a JaeChun.
Part 17: The Letter
Yoochun stepped out of the shower and gathered his towel around his waist. There was a box on the counter full of Jaehwa’s things, and Yoochun frowned at the physical reminder that he wasn’t going to see his girlfriend for a very long time.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, Yoochun’s asthma wasn’t as big a factor in his physical testing as he thought it was, and he was classified as a level three. That meant that he wasn’t going to get to live in his own apartment for a civil service job, but live on base with other military personnel. Changmin, being perfectly healthy, was put in level one, so after basic training, they wouldn’t see each other again.
Jaehwa wasn’t in his room. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and went to find her, frowning at more boxes, half full of stuff. He hadn’t realized how much of her had already been in his apartment.
Jaehwa lay curled up on his couch, enclosed in a one of his hoodies and wrapped up in one of his blankets. She was staring at the blank television, eyes puffy with tears.
Yoochun kneeled in front of her and touched her cheek. She whimpered and lifted up enough to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Yoochun held her shaking body for a long time. She shifted up on the couch and he lay next to her, holding her tightly with arms and legs, and lips against her cheek.
“Come to bed with me,” Yoochun whispered.
Jaehwa swallowed, but nodded. They stood up, bodies touching, unwilling to part even for a second. Yoochun put his arm around her waist and she curled into him, more shuffling than walking. They climbed into bed, just as connected as before, and Yoochun lay on his back, his beautiful girlfriend curled up at his side.
“I don’t want you to go,” Jaehwa said.
“I don’t want to go.”
Jaehwa smiled and looked up at him. “You have a passport, don’t you? Let’s defect to Japan.”
“If I get imprisoned for that, it’ll be for longer than just getting it over with.”
“I know, but it’d be fun to go to Japan.”
“We’ll go after.”
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and said, “I can get surgery in Japan. Doctor Lee says they have surgeons there that actually care about people like me.”
“You’re thinking about surgery?”
“Yeah, but … not until you get back.”
“Good. I want to be there for you and take care of you afterwards.”
Jaehwa buried her face in Yoochun’s neck. “God, I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too.” Yoochun ran his hand over her head, smoothing her hair. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling with tears and Yoochun’s throat tightened. Their lips met easily, comfortably.
“Chunnie-love?” she whispered after a while.
“Hmm?”
“Our two year anniversary is next week.”
Yoochun swallowed. “Yeah.”
“You’re already going to be gone.”
“Yeah.”
Jaehwa sighed and pushed her hands under Yoochun’s tank top. He lifted and they parted for long enough to pull it over his head. Jaehwa shifted and straddled his lap, running her hands up and down his chest and stomach. Her nails caught on a nipple and Yoochun hissed at the unintentional touch.
Jaehwa smirked. “Horny bastard,” she said and rolled his nipple around her finger for a moment.
Yoochun grinned. “Maybe a little,” he replied and reached up for the zipper on the hoody. It slipped down easily, revealing bare skin flushed pink. Yoochun pressed his hands to her breasts, cupping them with his own smirk. Whatever that medicine Jaehwa was on, sure was working. Yoochun wouldn’t call the bumps breasts just yet, but her chest was fuller than it was a few months ago.
Jaehwa tilted her head back and sighed. Her fingers stilled and Yoochun pinched her nipples lightly.
“Feel good?”
“Yeah, just … overly sensitive.”
Yoochun grinned. He lifted his body off the bed and pulled himself up with a firm hand around Jaehwa’s back. His mouth attached to her nipple and sucked lightly.
“Hm, Chunnie-ah,” she whispered, hands gripping the back of his head. “They’re going to cut off your hair.”
Yoochun chuckled and let his fingers trace the new subtle curve of breast. “Yeah. But that’s okay. I look good with short hair too."
“Do you think the army will rid you of your arrogance?”
“I hope not.”
Jaehwa giggled. “You wouldn’t be you without it.”
Yoochun lowered Jaehwa to the bed and crawled over her, knees at her hips. Her hand slid down his bare back and pushed into his sweat pants to cup his ass. He smiled and kissed her gently, persuading her into a deeper kiss over long minutes. Her breath came out shaky, her hands quivering on his skin. They’d made love four times since yesterday, since Jaehwa had come over to pack her things. Yoohwan was moving in over the weekend, and Yoochun was leaving for the army on Monday. They really shouldn’t have gone back to bed; Jaehwa needed to pack.
“I love you,” Yoochun whispered, somehow managing to get the words past the lump in his throat.
Her chest hitched and her eyes shut. Yoochun wasn’t surprised when she started crying again. This new medication was not only giving her softer skin, muscles and breasts, but it was also messing with her emotions. Doctor Lee said it was normal and that she was very pleased with Jaehwa’s progress.
Yoochun was too, but he hated it when she cried. He kissed her cheeks and her chin with open lips, whispering I love you into each new kiss. Earlier that morning he’d left hickys all over her body, reminders that would last four or five days. He kissed each one, sliding down her body, hands roving on her skin. He already had the sensitive spots memorized. He already knew that he could draw her naked body from memory.
How different would her body be when he was released from the army? How different would she be? Would her personality change? Would her drive in life? Would she be more dedicated or fall under the weight of the pressure without him there to support her?
Yoochun kissed up her body, pausing to lick her collarbones. The whimpers she made, even after so long together, when that sensitive skin was touched, were still full of pleasure and disbelief. Yoochun added another small hicky to the skin just below and then pulled up and just stared at her face.
Tears stained her cheeks. Her lashes fluttered. Her mouth was open, soft, short breaths slipping past her lips. Her tongue swiped along her lower lip, and Yoochun moaned and sucked it into his mouth. Jaehwa whimpered, fingers tightening on his back. Her body arched into his, their chests pressed together.
“Chunnie-love, oh god, don’t go, please.”
Yoochun’s chest tightened and he kissed her cheek and chin and lips. His elbows bent, unable to keep himself up, and he covered her completely. Her arms and legs wrapped around him, moving, never still, trying to wrap him up as tightly as possible. Keep him. Never let him go.
“I can’t … I can’t.”
Yoochun kissed below her jaw, body shaking. He blinked and tears dripped down his cheek. He put on arm around her neck and the other around her back, holding her. “I’m so sorry.”
Sobs wracked her body, and Yoochun shifted to the side. She clung to him, trembling. He did his best to calm her down with touches and kisses. No words, though. He couldn’t say anything to make her feel better. He had to go to the army.
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
“Jaehwa, beautiful girl,” Yoochun’s mother said as soon as they entered the gelato shop on Sunday morning. She hugged Jaehwa tightly.
Jaehwa froze in her embrace, and her chest hitched.
“Whatever is the matter?”
Yoochun cleared his throat and motioned to a table. “You should sit down.”
Shock covered her face and then she grabbed Yoochun’s shoulders. “You’re not leaving her are you? Oh god, don’t break your mother’s heart. Please.”
Yoochun led his mom to a table. “No, eomma, I’m not leaving her. That would be the same as ripping out my own heart.”
“Good.”
“Where’s Yoohwan?”
“In the back.”
Yoochun nodded, and went to the counter; he leaned over it and shouted, “Yoohwan!”
“What?”
“Come out here. Family meeting!”
“All right, all right.”
Jaehwa sat nervously across from his mother, and stared a hole in the table.
“Is everything okay?” Yoochun’s mother asked, touching Jaehwa’s hand.
Jaehwa flinched and then took a deep breath. “Maybe.”
“Maybe? Oh god, you’re not pregnant are you? Not that that would be a bad thing, we’d just have to get you two married before he goes to his military service, which I think you two should have done anyway.”
Jaehwa sort of smiled. “No. I … I can’t get pregnant.”
“What?”
Yoochun sat next to Jaehwa and then a moment later Yoohwan sat next to their mother. Yoochun took Jaehwa’s shaking hand and squeezed.
“We have to tell you something,” Yoochun said, “and Jaehwa doesn’t want to, but I think it’s necessary.”
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and then took another deep breath and looked up. Yoochun’s mother’s face had gone almost to stone.
Yoochun loved that his mother was strong. It was probably why he was so attracted to Jaehwa.
“It isn’t easy for me to say this, but … I would rather have you hear from me, rather than hear from the press,” Jaehwa said.
Yoochun squeezed her hand one more time in support.
“I … I was born into a male body. My parents named me Kim Jaejoong, but even at a young age, I didn’t know how to act like a boy like my father wanted. I was more comfortable playing with my eight older sisters than I was playing with my boy cousins. I … I left my home when I was eighteen and …”
Yoochun stared at his mother. She said nothing, eyes narrowed.
Jaehwa swallowed nervously and did as she had done with Heechul and pulled out her ID card.
“What the fuck?” Yoohwan asked, and their mother did not reprimand him for his language. That was enough to show Yoochun that she was either in shock or very, very angry.
“I’m petitioning to have my name changed,” Jaehwa continued. “And the press might get incredibly interested in it, so Yoochun said it was a good idea to tell everyone close to us, so they . Yeah …”
“I knew you had a secret,” Yoohwan said and jabbed his finger into Yoochun’s shoulder.
“Eomma,” Yoochun said and reached for her hand.
She jerked back, shot a look at Yoohwan, and Yoohwan stood up.
Jaehwa broke off a little sob as his mother walked away from their table and went into the back.
Yoohwan handed the ID card back to Yoochun. “You make a much prettier girl than a boy, noona,” Yoohwan said.
Jaehwa tried to smile.
“You’re okay with this?” Yoochun said seriously.
“Yes. Remember when I dated Taemin? He was more woman than man.”
Yoochun chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“Chunnie-ah, I have to get to work,” Jaehwa whispered.
Yoochun nodded, staring off to where his mom had gone.
“I’ll go with you,” Yoohwan said suddenly. “We’re going to be in-laws, might as well hang out a bit.”
“Dongsaeng,” Yoochun said in warning.
“What? Did I say anything about telling her stories about you when we were younger? No, I didn’t. We’re just going to hang out.”
Jaehwa finally smiled.
“Don’t believe anything he tells you,” Yoochun said and shook his finger at her.
Jaehwa smiled, and leaned forward. She blushed, and tried to lean away, eyes darting to Yoohwan, but Yoochun cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently.
“I’ll be by to see you in a few hours. I have a couple more pieces of paperwork I need to fill out before I go to the army offices.”
Jaehwa nodded.
Yoochun stood up and they did too. Jaehwa hugged him tightly.
“Don’t worry about eomma. She’s stubborn like you are,” Yoohwan said.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Yoochun caressed Jaehwa’s cheek. “I love you, my angel.”
She smiled. “I love you, too.”
“Sap fest,” Yoohwan muttered.
They laughed, and Yoohwan took Jaehwa by the elbow and led her out of the store. Yoochun waited until they were in a taxi, and Jaehwa waved and Yoochun waved. He stood in the middle of his mom’s gelato shop for another moment, and then went to the back.
He heard his mom crying before he came to the office. He leaned against the wall outside of it and sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, loud enough for her to hear.
She stopped crying.
“I love her so much. I always have. When I first saw her, I knew that I had to ask her out, and find out everything about her. When she told me she was actually a boy, I almost ended things with her, but I went almost a day without talking to her and my heart broke and I missed her so much. It’s been really hard. And it’s been even harder since Jaehwa doesn’t have support from her family. We’ve both been afraid to tell you.”
He sighed.
“You love her?” his mother said, right next to him.
“Yes. More than anything.”
“You can’t marry her.”
Yoochun shook his head. “Not yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“If she has reconstructive surgery, she can apply to the courts to have her gender legally changed. And then we can get married.”
“Oh my god.”
Yoochun smiled at the blush that covered his mom’s face. “Trust me. I know. Getting her name changed is the first step.”
His mom stayed silent. He pulled out the lined paper he’d written his letter on. He needed to type it out before submitting it to the courts, but it’d been really easy to just write and write until he’d said everything he needed to. He handed it to her, and his mom had to wipe her eyes before she read it. He waited in silence.
His mother lowered the papers when she was done reading.
“I need you on this, eomma. I need you, please. She’s so worried about everyone but herself. She didn’t want to tell you because she was afraid of what it would do to our relationship.”
His mom hugged him tightly, papers crinkling. “You’re still my little boy, and look at you, taking on society and being different. But oh god, Yoochun-ah, what if Yoohwan falls in love with a man? I’ll never have grandchildren.”
“Jaehwa and I can eventually adopt.”
“That’s a long ways down the road.”
“Yeah. Her therapist is really nice and helping her go through the steps of what comes next. You’d like Dr. Lee.”
“Maybe Jaehwa would let me go with her one day.”
Yoochun nodded. “Yeah. She needs a mother. Her own mom is …” He sighed. “She isn’t nice. When she goes home, Jaehwa disappears, and Jaejoong … God.”
“Okay. I may not agree with it, and I may not understand it, but I will support you because you’re my son and I trust you.”
“Thanks, eomma.”
Yoochun hugged her tightly.
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
To the Courts of the Republic of South Korea,
My name is Park Yoochun. I am the oldest son in my family, and in one week, I am to start my military service. Two years ago, fate, providence or God (depending on what you believe in) intervened in my life and introduced me to the most amazing woman. I met Kim Jaehwa at the Angel Café where she still currently works. Love at first sight isn’t a strong enough name for the phenomenon that hit me that day. Unfortunately, it was only one sided and I spent the next four months practically begging her to let me take her out. Only on the advice of her best friend did Jaehwa finally agree to go out with me.
I did my best to her, and treated her like any lady should be treated. She has told me many times that she is glad I am a gentleman. Being a gentleman takes patience though, and mine was wearing thin. It’s odd these days to go more than a week without kissing the girl you are dating. I went four months.
Her reluctance was not because of me, fortunately.
The day she told me she was born into a male body was the day I felt my life might end. I felt betrayed and alarmed. And mildly weirded out. I thought of what she must have gone through in her life, I thought of what we would go through if we continued to date. I thought about what my mother would think when she found out that the woman I loved could not give her the grandchildren she so desperately needed. I thought of all those things, and tried to talk myself out of it.
I couldn’t, and now I’m glad. The fact that Jaehwa was born in the wrong body does not change who she is. It does not change the girl I fell in love with. It does not change the fact that Jaehwa loves raspberry tea and sappy movies and pretty much all things pink or yellow or lavender. She is still the strong person I met. She’s still the stubborn person I met. She is still the wonderful person I fell in love with.
When I thought about my life without her, I knew I would move on. I knew I’d probably find another girl that I loved and that I could marry. But I didn’t want to. Jaehwa makes me happy. Dating her and being in love with her has made the last two years of my life the best two years of my life, and I want to have that happiness grow.
I love Jaehwa. I always have. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of dating. As soon as I am through with my military service, we will move in together. She is hesitant about marriage, but only because we can’t legally get married. But I still want to have a ceremony with her, something that shows her that I will be by her side for the rest of our lives.
Jaehwa has lived her whole life under the scrutiny of others, under their persecution and ridicule. This has made her stronger, and strengthened her resolve to live as she was meant to be. Changing her name will be one step closer to helping her with her troubles. Please allow my beautiful angel to do this. She has already suffered so much.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I will do my best in the army and serve the Republic of Korea until the end of my days.
Park Yoochun
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
Part 18: The Homecoming
Part 16: The Changes
Part 15: The Visit
Part 14: The Reassurance
Part 13: The Close Call
Part 12: The Meeting
Part 11: The Progress
Part 10: The Reset
Part 9: The Suuport | Part 8: The Situation | Part 7: The Promise | Part 6: The Conflict | Part 5: The Setback | Part 4: The Date | Part 3: The Wait | Part 2: The Talk | Part 1: The Secret
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