Map of your head (chapter 15)
Title: Map of your head
Fandom: U-KISS
Characters & Pairings: Elvin, Xander, OFC, other possible episodic characters
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 in this one)
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Humor, Drama
Summary: "Because the language confuses, like computers refuse to understand how I'm feeling today."
Eli is new to this world. Kevin makes him feel like home.
Disclaimer: The title belongs to English rock-band Muse, as well as the lyrics, extracted from their 2002 album entitled ”Hullabaloo”. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the named group, or any characters presented in this writing. No copyright infringement intended.
Read: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14
Month two. Day five.
-Part three-
Eli had always known how to make the difference between right and wrong, because he liked to think of himself as someone whose life decisions depended heavily on logic. Whenever he had made a mistake it was definitely because he followed the incorrect steps and not because of fate, or destiny or anything along those lines. He was the type who functioned by the rules and there was nothing more to it.
So it made no sense to him now that he was on the verge of going round the bend for someone he had met only a few weeks before. And it made no sense that he could give up his life -could he?- for that person. And that he would screw the rules and the entire world just to be with him. He had lied, manipulated people and distorted many aspects of reality just to make sure they wouldn’t be apart. He even thought of kidnapping him, to prevent his parents from taking him away. And now there he was, driving around the city in a cab, trying to find the only person that could calm his nerves down.
Time was passing by faster than usual -it couldn’t have been his imagination, minutes seemed seconds- and Alexander was sending him messages every few instants, asking about his and Kevin’s whereabouts. It wasn’t enough that Eli was feeling erratic, he also had to endure the pressure of his superior, hence he called one last time and told him he would phone once he found Kevin and that he had better prepare money to pay for his taxi’s and mobile’s expenses.
As they were passing in front of the city park’s gates, Eli asked the driver to stop, wait for him there and then got off. He started running along the wide alley, ignoring the people who were looking at him strangely. It was the same place he had brought Kevin to last time, after the incident in front of the amusement park. Eli knew the chances of finding him in the exact same location were slim, but then again, he didn’t have any other ideas. He tried remembering the pathway and took a few desperate turns, until he found himself at the opening of the road.
There was no one on either of the benches, just like last time, except a small, bended figure in the distance. Eli’s heart started beating at a faster pace, as he began running towards whoever was sitting on the same bench they had sat a few weeks before, with the knees brought up and the arms covering the head resting on them. When he had managed to somewhat disperse the distance, he felt as if the sky had fallen on him.
Kevin was visibly shaking and whimpering every couple of seconds. He was constantly whispering to himself, but Eli couldn’t figure out what. He was hiding his face and trying to keep his entire body as gathered as possible, as if wanting to shrink it. It was a shockingly grievous image and it broke Eli’s heart.
‘Kevin?’ he asked gently, coming closer. As soon as the younger heard steps he looked up, although avoiding Eli’s face and got up. He started backing away, shaking his head violently and holding his hands protectively to his chest, like he was guarding something underneath them.
‘No…’ he cried softly, staring at the ground as he started walking backwards. ‘No, go. Go. Leave.’
Eli panicked, seeing the mortification on his countenance and noting the distress in his shaky voice. His eyes were teary, as a mark from having cried just minutes before.
‘Kevin.’ Eli tried again, avoiding to move from his spot. ‘Kevin, it’s me. Look up.’
Kevin grabbed his hair and started pulling forcefully, which alarmed the older even more. He stopped distancing himself, but looked like he was about to undergo a seizure.
‘No… no.’ he repeated. ‘Leave… alone…. you…. alone.’ he babbled, as he fell on his knees and began ripping strands of hair off. At that Eli went into a complete state of dread and ran towards him. He kneeled beside Kevin and grabbed him by the shoulder, trying to make him understand that he wasn’t in danger. Feeling the unexpected touch, the younger began panicking even more.
‘No!’ he screamed, loud enough to make a few birds residing in a tree nearby fly away. ‘Leave me alone!’
‘Kevin.’ Eli spoke, trying to maintain a steady tone. ‘Look at me.’
‘Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t…’ Kevin commenced begging, as he was trying to escape the grip. He was sobbing and chocking at the same time and Eli was afraid he might blackout soon.
‘Kevin. Look at me. You’re alright.’
‘Please let go, please don’t hurt me…’ he began crying so hard it made Eli’s heart crumble into little pieces.
‘I’m not going to hurt you. It’s me, look up.’
Kevin did, although at a really slow pace, with his gaze going from Eli’s hands, to his chest, to his face. He stared for a few seconds, analyzing every square inch of skin, like he was trying to assure himself he was indeed seeing the right person.
‘Kev?’ Eli murmured, hoping he wouldn’t start hallucinating again.
‘Oh, God.’ Kevin whispered, before breaking down in tears in Eli’s arms. He gripped on the older’s wrists and refused to let go, while sobbing so strenuously he was having difficulty breathing. He let Eli embrace him and hold him tight to his chest and it felt, in both of their cases, like the most blissful and elated sensation in a very long time.
‘Shh.’ Eli spoke softly, while stroking him gently. ‘It’s alright, I’m here now.’
Kevin couldn’t stop trembling and crying; he was now holding onto Eli with such strength as if someone might come and take him away any minute.
‘I have you, you’re safe. Don’t cry.’ Eli continued, noticing the calming effect it had upon him. He was still whimpering, although the shaking was beginning to diminish. They didn’t care about the dirt on the ground, nor the drops of rain that had started. Right then, Eli was just graceful to all heavens that there was no one around and he had thought of coming there. He kept on caressing him mildly, whispering comforting words into his ear, until the rain grew in quantity and he had to take both of them out of the park.
‘Sweetheart, we have to go.’ Eli said. ‘It’s raining. You’re going to catch a cold.’
Kevin looked up at him miserably. It was the first time he was actually gazing him in the eyes - they were red and swollen from all the crying and his hair was disheveled.
‘Go where?’ he asked, his voice cracking slightly.
‘Back to the hospital. Everyone is looking for you.’
Kevin got up on his feet again with the speed of light and looked like he was on the verge of running away.
‘No.’ he said with an agitated expression. ‘I’m not going back.’
Eli got up as well and wanted to take his hand into his own, but Kevin beat him to it and took a few steps back instead.
‘I said no!’ he echoed. ‘Don’t you dare take me back there.’ He threatened, which stunned Eli.
‘Kev, your parents are already at the asylum. They found out about your disappearance and are worried.’
Kevin froze for a second, before letting a tear slip down his left cheek.
‘Then why are you doing this? You promised me. You promise you won’t let them. What are you doing…’ he spoke almost inaudibly, quivering to the bone. Eli felt like he was about to cry as well.
‘I don’t know what to do!’ he screamed back with rage. ‘I’m furious at myself for being so fucking useless and unable to protect you. You think I want to let you go? I don’t. I fucking don’t, Kevin. But they’re threatening with the goddamn police and they’re pissed and Alexander keeps calling and asks me if I found you and-’
‘What?’ Kevin interrupted him angrily. ‘So that’s what this is all about? I’m going to leave to God-knows-where and all you care about is the police and Alexander?’ he was beginning to raise his voice. ‘Have you ever cared about me, at least? Was I some sort of experiment to you?!’ he shouted, crying from the bottom of his heart.
‘I can’t believe you said that.’ Eli spoke in amazement. ‘After everything I went through for you, you still believe I don’t care? If I hadn’t care, I would have walked away a long time ago.’
‘Is that so?’ Kevin replied in acrimony. ‘So poor you went through so many hardships, while I clang onto you like a parasite. I’ve been perfectly happy and peacefully this entire time, while you had to take care of everything by yourself.’ He scrubbed at his eyes frantically.
‘What is the matter with you?!’ Eli yelled. ‘I never said anything like that and I never will.’
‘But you believe it.’
‘No, I don’t!’ he looked back at him completely astounded. ‘I have no idea what has gotten into you, but stop reacting so defensive, because I’m not your enemy. I don’t want you to leave and if there was something to stop them, I would have done it way before all of this happened. I want to be with you. I want you here, with me.’
Kevin seemed to go weak a little, but still held his ground. At least he didn’t look so infuriated anymore.
‘Then why are you trying to make me go back there? You say one thing, but prove another. I don’t understand.’ He said, calmly this time.
‘Because I’m scared for both of us. Shit, I don’t even know what I’m saying, I’m scared for you. Screw me. After seeing you like this today I can’t imagine what must have been like. I can’t imagine the terror and pain you must’ve relived. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I just left you out here, alone. How are you going to survive? Where are you going to find shelter?’ Eli asked, taking a few steps closer, until he could embrace Kevin again. The younger let himself melt into the warm touch.
‘I’d rather live on the streets for the rest of my life, than with them.’ He said, his voice muffled by Eli’s jacket. The older took it off and placed it around Kevin’s shoulders. He instantly felt him warming up.
‘Baby, I know. Believe me, I do.’ He responded gently, rubbing at his arms up and down. ‘But you won’t make it. Let’s face it, after what happened today, the odds are minimal. And I can’t. I just can’t do this. I’d rather see you with them, than here, unprotected, no matter how much it hurts both of us.’
Kevin didn’t know what to say, so he just started crying harder. By now they were both soaked with rain, but didn’t care. They stood here, letting the ice-cold drops of water fall onto them. Eli felt like he was about to collapse every second.
‘Take me to your place.’ Kevin suddenly spoke, between sobs and sniffles. ‘At least before returning to the hospital. One last time.’
‘Kevin…’ Eli began.
‘One last time.’ He repeated. ‘Please. Just… please. I promise I won’t cause any more trouble after that. But I’m begging you. Don’t let go like this. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.’
Eli looked at him in strain. Kevin stared back with pleading eyes. They conveyed so much suffering it almost made the older disintegrate. He pondered for a while, thinking about how much he was risking by agreeing with his lover, his job and the hospital’s reputation topping the list.
‘We can’t be long.’ He finally complied, thinking at the same time he must have lost it. Kevin kissed him in return with such ardent passion, it expressed far more than words.
They began walking fast towards the exit, while Eli held him close to prevent as much rain as possible from falling onto him. They soon found themselves at the gates, where the cab from earlier was waiting. Eli thought the man had left - after all, they spent quite a while in the park. As soon as he saw them approaching he got out, ready to help Kevin climb inside the car, but was quickly stopped by Eli’s hand gesture. He understood and went back in, then started the engine and began driving as soon as they were both safely inside. Eli gave him his home address and then made sure Kevin was cuddled comfortably in his arms.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to go back to-’
‘No.’ Eli said. ‘Please hurry up.’
‘Yes, Sir.’
They continued driving for the next ten minutes and Eli motioned for him to stop as soon as the car reached his building.
‘Listen.’ Eli began, taking out everything from his pockets. ‘This is all I have now. But please, look for me at the hospital. Ask for nurse Kim. You know where that is, right?’
‘I do, but don’t worry about it.’ The man replied fondly. ‘You just make sure the poor boy is alright.’
‘Thank you a million times. You have no idea how much you helped both of us.’ Eli answered. ‘I’ll be expecting you tomorrow the least. I’ll pay you back tripled.’
‘Go, go.’ The driver smiled, gesturing with his hand.
Eli got out first, then waited for Kevin and took him into his arms once more. He guided him until they reached his apartment’s door, then took out the key and let both of them inside. Kevin immediately headed for the kitchen and grabbed a glass, then filled it with water and drank everything in one go.
‘I needed that.’ He said panting, after placing the mug down. ‘Thank you.’ He turned towards Eli. ‘Thank you for bringing me here.’
‘Hey, don’t thank me.’ Eli came closer, hugging him. ‘Let’s enjoy the little time we have left as best as we can.’
Kevin tangled his arms around his neck, then pulled him in for a kiss. They only parted when breathing felt absolutely necessary and looked into each other’s eyes. Kevin pushed him gently out of the kitchen, with an indescribable expression on his face, until they both landed in the bedroom, stretched on the bed, with Eli underneath.
‘Make love to me.’ Kevin hummed, not breaking the eye contact for a split second. Eli stared at him confused.
‘Why are you asking me this?’ he eventually managed to voice.
‘I want to. I want you to make me yours. Now.’
‘Kev, no. Not after, well, we both know.’
‘I’m begging you. Make love to me.’ He pleaded sweetly. Eli seemed uncertain. He realized how hurt and scared of losing him Kevin was, if he was asking for something like that, but didn’t know if he should accept his request.
‘You don’t want to?’ Kevin asked disappointed after remarking Eli’s lack of response. The older smiled.
‘I want to, more than anything. You have no idea how much. But are you sure?’
‘I am.’ Kevin replied confidently. ‘And who knows, maybe we won’t have a chance like this again.’
Eli nodded, then started kissing him. It was slow and filled with tenderness, despite the time they were short of. There were hands traveling across their bodies, fingers ran messily through strands of hair, friction caused by every movement. They didn’t care anymore about the fear of losing each other, didn’t take concern in the water dripping off of them, causing the sheets to turn damp. For those few, blessed minutes, they didn’t allow themselves to be anxious about anything else, throwing away all frightening thoughts and dreary presumptions.
Eli knew how difficult this was for Kevin, despite the apparent solidity in his voice, so he allowed him to stay on top and be in charge the entire time. Kevin let his palms explore Eli’s whole body, fascinated by his reaction to different touches and strokes. They were soon fully naked, with clothes hanging carelessly on the side of the bed and the floor. Their errections were painfully pressed against each other, causing arousal and moaning.
Kevin shifted their roles soon after, to the point in which Eli was now above him, kissing his neck and jaw line. He nibbled at his ear and licked his nipples, determining Kevin to sink with pleasure into the mattress and let out a soft scream, which only turned Eli on even more. He then lowered his head until it was right above his muscle, making sure to place as many kisses as possible along the way. He grabbed Kevin’s manhood with one hand and started licking the tip of it, which made the named one let out a deep sigh and, out of instinct, move his hips upward. Eli started sucking on it, at which the younger lifted himself on his elbows and caressed his hair, watching in daze as his lover was working his way towards his climax.
‘It feels so good.’ Kevin said after a while, right before coming with a loud groan. He trembled wearily, as his entire figure got charged with an electrifying tremor. He breathed heavily and, as Eli was waiting to recompose himself, Kevin watched him with such affection, he felt like locking the doors forever and never let go of him.
‘Come inside me.’ Kevin spoke softly, grabbing him by the nape to bump their noses together. He parted his legs and made Eli place himself right above him. He was shaking and the older noticed it.
‘We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.’ Eli said, looking at him.
‘If we don’t do it now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I want to feel you inside me.’
His voice was calm, despite the obvious fear, but full of wanton. It was the first time Eli heard him so sated with desire and lust, as he was clinging onto him with despair. He first let in one finger, watching his countenance the entire time, seeking for any sign of pain or angst, ready to retreat in any instant. Kevin didn’t seem bothered, though, on the contrary - he deepened into Eli’s action, moaning. Eli took it as a positive sign, so after letting him adjust a little, he added a second finger. The younger arched his back, with a small ‘Oh’ leaving his lips.
He told Eli he couldn’t take it any longer, causing him to end his hesitation and take his fingers out. He then teased at his entrance, hovering until he let himself slowly deepen inside Kevin. He immediately became frightened, which Eli predicted, so he leaned down to kiss him on his forehead, while reassuring him he would go as slow as possible. Kevin seemed to calm down a bit after hearing that and smiled at him, spreading his legs even further, to allow Eli an easier course. They intertwined their fingers and didn’t let go until the end, which made everything even better.
After a few minutes Kevin asked him to go faster, letting out a scream of pleasure when Eli did so. It did hurt a little, but he wouldn’t have wanted to stop for anything in the world. Eli suggested to circle his waist with his legs and, as Kevin did so, he was grabbed by the middle and slightly lifted, which permitted deeper contact. He felt fragile and warm in Eli’s grasp, but tight and hot inside, which gave him an overly-stimulating sensation. The older maintained the rhythm, noticing his lover’s smile at the new position, until they both couldn’t keep at it for much longer. They came approximately at the same time, gasping for air as Eli slid out and rested by his side. Neither of them said anything for a while, until the entire room got filled by Kevin’s crying. Eli looked at him staggered.
‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’ he asked him, taking his small figure into his arms. It wasn’t a loud cry, but just the fact that it was there turned everything into a blur of tension.
‘Sorry.’ Kevin replied, smiling and wiping away the tears. ‘I’ve been crying all day today, it’s stupid. I’m just really happy. Thank you. It was amazing.’
Eli smiled back and wanted to kiss him more than anything, but didn’t know if Kevin would appreciate the bittersweet taste. Instead he suggested they both go and have a shower and Kevin complied to it without pondering.
As they were enjoying the hot water running down their backs -it sure felt better than the cold rain from earlier- Eli told him to take his time, as he got out and went into the bedroom. He took out his phone from his jeans’ pocket and began typing a message.
‘Kevin is at my place. Before you get mad, I tried convincing him to go back, but he almost ran away. Come and take him, but don’t tell his parents.’
He sent the message to Alexander, then shut off the phone and placed it back.
A tear escaped his eye.
Fandom: U-KISS
Characters & Pairings: Elvin, Xander, OFC, other possible episodic characters
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 in this one)
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Humor, Drama
Summary: "Because the language confuses, like computers refuse to understand how I'm feeling today."
Eli is new to this world. Kevin makes him feel like home.
Disclaimer: The title belongs to English rock-band Muse, as well as the lyrics, extracted from their 2002 album entitled ”Hullabaloo”. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the named group, or any characters presented in this writing. No copyright infringement intended.
Read: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14
Month two. Day five.
-Part three-
Eli had always known how to make the difference between right and wrong, because he liked to think of himself as someone whose life decisions depended heavily on logic. Whenever he had made a mistake it was definitely because he followed the incorrect steps and not because of fate, or destiny or anything along those lines. He was the type who functioned by the rules and there was nothing more to it.
So it made no sense to him now that he was on the verge of going round the bend for someone he had met only a few weeks before. And it made no sense that he could give up his life -could he?- for that person. And that he would screw the rules and the entire world just to be with him. He had lied, manipulated people and distorted many aspects of reality just to make sure they wouldn’t be apart. He even thought of kidnapping him, to prevent his parents from taking him away. And now there he was, driving around the city in a cab, trying to find the only person that could calm his nerves down.
Time was passing by faster than usual -it couldn’t have been his imagination, minutes seemed seconds- and Alexander was sending him messages every few instants, asking about his and Kevin’s whereabouts. It wasn’t enough that Eli was feeling erratic, he also had to endure the pressure of his superior, hence he called one last time and told him he would phone once he found Kevin and that he had better prepare money to pay for his taxi’s and mobile’s expenses.
As they were passing in front of the city park’s gates, Eli asked the driver to stop, wait for him there and then got off. He started running along the wide alley, ignoring the people who were looking at him strangely. It was the same place he had brought Kevin to last time, after the incident in front of the amusement park. Eli knew the chances of finding him in the exact same location were slim, but then again, he didn’t have any other ideas. He tried remembering the pathway and took a few desperate turns, until he found himself at the opening of the road.
There was no one on either of the benches, just like last time, except a small, bended figure in the distance. Eli’s heart started beating at a faster pace, as he began running towards whoever was sitting on the same bench they had sat a few weeks before, with the knees brought up and the arms covering the head resting on them. When he had managed to somewhat disperse the distance, he felt as if the sky had fallen on him.
Kevin was visibly shaking and whimpering every couple of seconds. He was constantly whispering to himself, but Eli couldn’t figure out what. He was hiding his face and trying to keep his entire body as gathered as possible, as if wanting to shrink it. It was a shockingly grievous image and it broke Eli’s heart.
‘Kevin?’ he asked gently, coming closer. As soon as the younger heard steps he looked up, although avoiding Eli’s face and got up. He started backing away, shaking his head violently and holding his hands protectively to his chest, like he was guarding something underneath them.
‘No…’ he cried softly, staring at the ground as he started walking backwards. ‘No, go. Go. Leave.’
Eli panicked, seeing the mortification on his countenance and noting the distress in his shaky voice. His eyes were teary, as a mark from having cried just minutes before.
‘Kevin.’ Eli tried again, avoiding to move from his spot. ‘Kevin, it’s me. Look up.’
Kevin grabbed his hair and started pulling forcefully, which alarmed the older even more. He stopped distancing himself, but looked like he was about to undergo a seizure.
‘No… no.’ he repeated. ‘Leave… alone…. you…. alone.’ he babbled, as he fell on his knees and began ripping strands of hair off. At that Eli went into a complete state of dread and ran towards him. He kneeled beside Kevin and grabbed him by the shoulder, trying to make him understand that he wasn’t in danger. Feeling the unexpected touch, the younger began panicking even more.
‘No!’ he screamed, loud enough to make a few birds residing in a tree nearby fly away. ‘Leave me alone!’
‘Kevin.’ Eli spoke, trying to maintain a steady tone. ‘Look at me.’
‘Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t…’ Kevin commenced begging, as he was trying to escape the grip. He was sobbing and chocking at the same time and Eli was afraid he might blackout soon.
‘Kevin. Look at me. You’re alright.’
‘Please let go, please don’t hurt me…’ he began crying so hard it made Eli’s heart crumble into little pieces.
‘I’m not going to hurt you. It’s me, look up.’
Kevin did, although at a really slow pace, with his gaze going from Eli’s hands, to his chest, to his face. He stared for a few seconds, analyzing every square inch of skin, like he was trying to assure himself he was indeed seeing the right person.
‘Kev?’ Eli murmured, hoping he wouldn’t start hallucinating again.
‘Oh, God.’ Kevin whispered, before breaking down in tears in Eli’s arms. He gripped on the older’s wrists and refused to let go, while sobbing so strenuously he was having difficulty breathing. He let Eli embrace him and hold him tight to his chest and it felt, in both of their cases, like the most blissful and elated sensation in a very long time.
‘Shh.’ Eli spoke softly, while stroking him gently. ‘It’s alright, I’m here now.’
Kevin couldn’t stop trembling and crying; he was now holding onto Eli with such strength as if someone might come and take him away any minute.
‘I have you, you’re safe. Don’t cry.’ Eli continued, noticing the calming effect it had upon him. He was still whimpering, although the shaking was beginning to diminish. They didn’t care about the dirt on the ground, nor the drops of rain that had started. Right then, Eli was just graceful to all heavens that there was no one around and he had thought of coming there. He kept on caressing him mildly, whispering comforting words into his ear, until the rain grew in quantity and he had to take both of them out of the park.
‘Sweetheart, we have to go.’ Eli said. ‘It’s raining. You’re going to catch a cold.’
Kevin looked up at him miserably. It was the first time he was actually gazing him in the eyes - they were red and swollen from all the crying and his hair was disheveled.
‘Go where?’ he asked, his voice cracking slightly.
‘Back to the hospital. Everyone is looking for you.’
Kevin got up on his feet again with the speed of light and looked like he was on the verge of running away.
‘No.’ he said with an agitated expression. ‘I’m not going back.’
Eli got up as well and wanted to take his hand into his own, but Kevin beat him to it and took a few steps back instead.
‘I said no!’ he echoed. ‘Don’t you dare take me back there.’ He threatened, which stunned Eli.
‘Kev, your parents are already at the asylum. They found out about your disappearance and are worried.’
Kevin froze for a second, before letting a tear slip down his left cheek.
‘Then why are you doing this? You promised me. You promise you won’t let them. What are you doing…’ he spoke almost inaudibly, quivering to the bone. Eli felt like he was about to cry as well.
‘I don’t know what to do!’ he screamed back with rage. ‘I’m furious at myself for being so fucking useless and unable to protect you. You think I want to let you go? I don’t. I fucking don’t, Kevin. But they’re threatening with the goddamn police and they’re pissed and Alexander keeps calling and asks me if I found you and-’
‘What?’ Kevin interrupted him angrily. ‘So that’s what this is all about? I’m going to leave to God-knows-where and all you care about is the police and Alexander?’ he was beginning to raise his voice. ‘Have you ever cared about me, at least? Was I some sort of experiment to you?!’ he shouted, crying from the bottom of his heart.
‘I can’t believe you said that.’ Eli spoke in amazement. ‘After everything I went through for you, you still believe I don’t care? If I hadn’t care, I would have walked away a long time ago.’
‘Is that so?’ Kevin replied in acrimony. ‘So poor you went through so many hardships, while I clang onto you like a parasite. I’ve been perfectly happy and peacefully this entire time, while you had to take care of everything by yourself.’ He scrubbed at his eyes frantically.
‘What is the matter with you?!’ Eli yelled. ‘I never said anything like that and I never will.’
‘But you believe it.’
‘No, I don’t!’ he looked back at him completely astounded. ‘I have no idea what has gotten into you, but stop reacting so defensive, because I’m not your enemy. I don’t want you to leave and if there was something to stop them, I would have done it way before all of this happened. I want to be with you. I want you here, with me.’
Kevin seemed to go weak a little, but still held his ground. At least he didn’t look so infuriated anymore.
‘Then why are you trying to make me go back there? You say one thing, but prove another. I don’t understand.’ He said, calmly this time.
‘Because I’m scared for both of us. Shit, I don’t even know what I’m saying, I’m scared for you. Screw me. After seeing you like this today I can’t imagine what must have been like. I can’t imagine the terror and pain you must’ve relived. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I just left you out here, alone. How are you going to survive? Where are you going to find shelter?’ Eli asked, taking a few steps closer, until he could embrace Kevin again. The younger let himself melt into the warm touch.
‘I’d rather live on the streets for the rest of my life, than with them.’ He said, his voice muffled by Eli’s jacket. The older took it off and placed it around Kevin’s shoulders. He instantly felt him warming up.
‘Baby, I know. Believe me, I do.’ He responded gently, rubbing at his arms up and down. ‘But you won’t make it. Let’s face it, after what happened today, the odds are minimal. And I can’t. I just can’t do this. I’d rather see you with them, than here, unprotected, no matter how much it hurts both of us.’
Kevin didn’t know what to say, so he just started crying harder. By now they were both soaked with rain, but didn’t care. They stood here, letting the ice-cold drops of water fall onto them. Eli felt like he was about to collapse every second.
‘Take me to your place.’ Kevin suddenly spoke, between sobs and sniffles. ‘At least before returning to the hospital. One last time.’
‘Kevin…’ Eli began.
‘One last time.’ He repeated. ‘Please. Just… please. I promise I won’t cause any more trouble after that. But I’m begging you. Don’t let go like this. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.’
Eli looked at him in strain. Kevin stared back with pleading eyes. They conveyed so much suffering it almost made the older disintegrate. He pondered for a while, thinking about how much he was risking by agreeing with his lover, his job and the hospital’s reputation topping the list.
‘We can’t be long.’ He finally complied, thinking at the same time he must have lost it. Kevin kissed him in return with such ardent passion, it expressed far more than words.
They began walking fast towards the exit, while Eli held him close to prevent as much rain as possible from falling onto him. They soon found themselves at the gates, where the cab from earlier was waiting. Eli thought the man had left - after all, they spent quite a while in the park. As soon as he saw them approaching he got out, ready to help Kevin climb inside the car, but was quickly stopped by Eli’s hand gesture. He understood and went back in, then started the engine and began driving as soon as they were both safely inside. Eli gave him his home address and then made sure Kevin was cuddled comfortably in his arms.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to go back to-’
‘No.’ Eli said. ‘Please hurry up.’
‘Yes, Sir.’
They continued driving for the next ten minutes and Eli motioned for him to stop as soon as the car reached his building.
‘Listen.’ Eli began, taking out everything from his pockets. ‘This is all I have now. But please, look for me at the hospital. Ask for nurse Kim. You know where that is, right?’
‘I do, but don’t worry about it.’ The man replied fondly. ‘You just make sure the poor boy is alright.’
‘Thank you a million times. You have no idea how much you helped both of us.’ Eli answered. ‘I’ll be expecting you tomorrow the least. I’ll pay you back tripled.’
‘Go, go.’ The driver smiled, gesturing with his hand.
Eli got out first, then waited for Kevin and took him into his arms once more. He guided him until they reached his apartment’s door, then took out the key and let both of them inside. Kevin immediately headed for the kitchen and grabbed a glass, then filled it with water and drank everything in one go.
‘I needed that.’ He said panting, after placing the mug down. ‘Thank you.’ He turned towards Eli. ‘Thank you for bringing me here.’
‘Hey, don’t thank me.’ Eli came closer, hugging him. ‘Let’s enjoy the little time we have left as best as we can.’
Kevin tangled his arms around his neck, then pulled him in for a kiss. They only parted when breathing felt absolutely necessary and looked into each other’s eyes. Kevin pushed him gently out of the kitchen, with an indescribable expression on his face, until they both landed in the bedroom, stretched on the bed, with Eli underneath.
‘Make love to me.’ Kevin hummed, not breaking the eye contact for a split second. Eli stared at him confused.
‘Why are you asking me this?’ he eventually managed to voice.
‘I want to. I want you to make me yours. Now.’
‘Kev, no. Not after, well, we both know.’
‘I’m begging you. Make love to me.’ He pleaded sweetly. Eli seemed uncertain. He realized how hurt and scared of losing him Kevin was, if he was asking for something like that, but didn’t know if he should accept his request.
‘You don’t want to?’ Kevin asked disappointed after remarking Eli’s lack of response. The older smiled.
‘I want to, more than anything. You have no idea how much. But are you sure?’
‘I am.’ Kevin replied confidently. ‘And who knows, maybe we won’t have a chance like this again.’
Eli nodded, then started kissing him. It was slow and filled with tenderness, despite the time they were short of. There were hands traveling across their bodies, fingers ran messily through strands of hair, friction caused by every movement. They didn’t care anymore about the fear of losing each other, didn’t take concern in the water dripping off of them, causing the sheets to turn damp. For those few, blessed minutes, they didn’t allow themselves to be anxious about anything else, throwing away all frightening thoughts and dreary presumptions.
Eli knew how difficult this was for Kevin, despite the apparent solidity in his voice, so he allowed him to stay on top and be in charge the entire time. Kevin let his palms explore Eli’s whole body, fascinated by his reaction to different touches and strokes. They were soon fully naked, with clothes hanging carelessly on the side of the bed and the floor. Their errections were painfully pressed against each other, causing arousal and moaning.
Kevin shifted their roles soon after, to the point in which Eli was now above him, kissing his neck and jaw line. He nibbled at his ear and licked his nipples, determining Kevin to sink with pleasure into the mattress and let out a soft scream, which only turned Eli on even more. He then lowered his head until it was right above his muscle, making sure to place as many kisses as possible along the way. He grabbed Kevin’s manhood with one hand and started licking the tip of it, which made the named one let out a deep sigh and, out of instinct, move his hips upward. Eli started sucking on it, at which the younger lifted himself on his elbows and caressed his hair, watching in daze as his lover was working his way towards his climax.
‘It feels so good.’ Kevin said after a while, right before coming with a loud groan. He trembled wearily, as his entire figure got charged with an electrifying tremor. He breathed heavily and, as Eli was waiting to recompose himself, Kevin watched him with such affection, he felt like locking the doors forever and never let go of him.
‘Come inside me.’ Kevin spoke softly, grabbing him by the nape to bump their noses together. He parted his legs and made Eli place himself right above him. He was shaking and the older noticed it.
‘We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.’ Eli said, looking at him.
‘If we don’t do it now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I want to feel you inside me.’
His voice was calm, despite the obvious fear, but full of wanton. It was the first time Eli heard him so sated with desire and lust, as he was clinging onto him with despair. He first let in one finger, watching his countenance the entire time, seeking for any sign of pain or angst, ready to retreat in any instant. Kevin didn’t seem bothered, though, on the contrary - he deepened into Eli’s action, moaning. Eli took it as a positive sign, so after letting him adjust a little, he added a second finger. The younger arched his back, with a small ‘Oh’ leaving his lips.
He told Eli he couldn’t take it any longer, causing him to end his hesitation and take his fingers out. He then teased at his entrance, hovering until he let himself slowly deepen inside Kevin. He immediately became frightened, which Eli predicted, so he leaned down to kiss him on his forehead, while reassuring him he would go as slow as possible. Kevin seemed to calm down a bit after hearing that and smiled at him, spreading his legs even further, to allow Eli an easier course. They intertwined their fingers and didn’t let go until the end, which made everything even better.
After a few minutes Kevin asked him to go faster, letting out a scream of pleasure when Eli did so. It did hurt a little, but he wouldn’t have wanted to stop for anything in the world. Eli suggested to circle his waist with his legs and, as Kevin did so, he was grabbed by the middle and slightly lifted, which permitted deeper contact. He felt fragile and warm in Eli’s grasp, but tight and hot inside, which gave him an overly-stimulating sensation. The older maintained the rhythm, noticing his lover’s smile at the new position, until they both couldn’t keep at it for much longer. They came approximately at the same time, gasping for air as Eli slid out and rested by his side. Neither of them said anything for a while, until the entire room got filled by Kevin’s crying. Eli looked at him staggered.
‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’ he asked him, taking his small figure into his arms. It wasn’t a loud cry, but just the fact that it was there turned everything into a blur of tension.
‘Sorry.’ Kevin replied, smiling and wiping away the tears. ‘I’ve been crying all day today, it’s stupid. I’m just really happy. Thank you. It was amazing.’
Eli smiled back and wanted to kiss him more than anything, but didn’t know if Kevin would appreciate the bittersweet taste. Instead he suggested they both go and have a shower and Kevin complied to it without pondering.
As they were enjoying the hot water running down their backs -it sure felt better than the cold rain from earlier- Eli told him to take his time, as he got out and went into the bedroom. He took out his phone from his jeans’ pocket and began typing a message.
‘Kevin is at my place. Before you get mad, I tried convincing him to go back, but he almost ran away. Come and take him, but don’t tell his parents.’
He sent the message to Alexander, then shut off the phone and placed it back.
A tear escaped his eye.