Map of your head (chapter 13)
Title: Map of your head
Fandom: U-KISS
Characters & Pairings: Elvin, Xander, OFC, other possible episodic characters
Rating: NC-17 in this chapter, PG-13 in general
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Humor, Drama
Summary: "Because the language confuses, like computers refuse to understand how I'm feeling today."
Eli is new to this world. Kevin makes him feel like home.
Disclaimer: The title belongs to English rock-band Muse, as well as the lyrics, extracted from their 2002 album entitled ”Hullabaloo”. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the named group, or any characters presented in this writing. No copyright infringement intended.
Read: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12
Month two. Day five.
Of course he couldn’t sleep all night. He had predicted something like that would happen, but still hoped for a few hours of rest.
Right. Dream big, Eli. And if the thought of losing any possibility to make contact with Kevin wasn’t enough, there was still a high feasibility of losing his job. Alexander’s facial expression when he told him he wanted to talk the next morning kept popping up in his head and it didn’t make it any easier for his nerves to go away. Because besides the obvious moral quarrel he had to go through, he could almost hear him saying ‘You’re fired’ and that worried him just as much as the thought of being deprived of Kevin. It took him months to find a position as a nurse, mainly because -to his most utter surprise- male nurses weren’t exactly looked well upon in Korea.
And what could he really defend himself with, anyway? He had no one to blame but his stupid, chaotic, uncontrollable feelings and he knew it darn too well. He had basically stepped on both regulations and logic and now had to pay for it. How, he had no idea.
The alarm clock went off with the usual buzzing sound, announcing it was 6:30 AM. He stopped it and kept staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes, with his arms under his head, thinking about nothing. He remembered studying in university about those brain diseases that prevented people who had them to think of anything, and always wondered how would it be like. Well, now he knew and he had to admit it didn’t feel that bad.
He eventually got up, showered and didn’t bother cleaning behind him, leaving the bathroom in a complete mess. After all, who would visit him and request to use it, since he had no friends whatsoever? He felt hungry and decided to eat something -which was a novelty, since he would normally grab something and head out the door- and left the apartment with an unsettled heart.
He wanted to arrive earlier so that he could find Kevin before Alexander got to him and, to his most outlandish luck, the older one hadn’t arrived yet. Making sure no one was looking -although at this early hour the janitor was the only one nearby, minding his own business- he immediately headed for Kevin’s room, entering without knocking. As expected, Kevin was sleeping with back turned at him, curled into a ball. Eli circled the bed and kneeled beside him.
‘Kev?’ he whispered. ‘Get up. I need to talk to you.’
He shook his shoulder lightly, after which he gave him a peck on the lips. The younger reacted at this gesture, opening his eyes so little Eli couldn’t even spot his iris. He groaned a bit and, after realizing what was happening, got up so fast he seemed electrocuted.
‘Eli!’ he exclaimed.
‘Shh.’ Eli motioned by bringing a finger to his lips. ‘We must be as quiet as possible. If someone knows I’m here I’ll be doomed.’
Kevin embraced him so strongly that Eli was sure he felt some bones cracking, but he was so warm and delicate it didn’t really matter. He then got out of bed, murmuring a small ‘Wait’ and quickly headed towards the sink nearby, taking a few mouths-full of water and cleansing.
‘You didn’t have to do that, you know.’ Eli laughed. ‘I don’t mind.’
‘Shut up, morning taste is gross.’
‘If you say so. I’m sorry I woke you up.’
Kevin didn’t say anything, but kissed him with such fiery passion like he hadn’t before. He still tasted a bit like sleep, but the slow, ardent motion he was working his tongue with around Eli’s made everything feel heavenly. Eli grabbed him by the waist and lifted him in the air, instant in which Kevin embraced his middle with his legs, determining Eli to grab him by the bottom and hold him like that. Kevin giggled through the wet kiss, clutching his neck with his arms and deepened his entire body into his lover’s.
They went on in that exact same rhythm until gasping for air was necessary and they had to pull apart. They looked into each other’s eyes, breathing so heavily like they had been running for hours.
‘That was brilliant.’ Eli said in the end. ‘You never kissed me like that before.’
Kevin stared back for a while.
‘I guess it was because I never imagined I would someday be in the position of losing you.’
He was still holding him like a child, in the middle of the room, but neither of them seemed to mind.
‘Speaking about that.’ Eli said. ‘What did Alexander say after you two left yesterday?’
‘It was horrible.’ Kevin replied, descending towards the ground, but still keeping his arms around Eli’s neck. The older hold him by the waist. ‘I thought he would talk the entire ride back, but didn’t say much, which only made things worse. Even the driver felt something was going on. After we entered the yard he started repeating how disappointed he felt and that he hoped I understand what this meant. I tried talking him out of it, even tried to tell him that I was happy with you, but he didn’t even want to listen.’
Eli gave him a faded smile, kissed him again and waited for him to continue.
‘He started reminding me about everything that happened with Kiseop and how you will someday leave just like he did and-’
He looked down and started to tremble a little. Eli lifted his chin with two fingers right away and noticed the tears that were forming in his eyes.
‘Hey,’ he sighed ‘I’m not going anywhere. Kiseop left because he had to, I have a permanent job here, remember?’
‘Yeah, especially now.’ Kevin said with a slight mocking tone. ‘What if he decides to fire you? What if he already decided?’
Eli didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted to reassure him that things would eventually turn out just fine, but he didn’t have the slimmest guarantee himself.
‘I’ll see what I can do today, when I talk to him.’ Was all he could say. ‘I’ll try talking him out of it.’
‘What if you fail?’ Kevin asked with a whimper. Eli shut up for a minute.
‘I don’t know.’ He eventually replied. ‘But let’s not worry about this right now. We still have a little left to-’
knock knock
‘Kevin?’ a female voice asked from the other side of the door. ‘Are you awake?’
The door then opened, revealing the figure of a young nurse. She stopped in her tracks after noticing Eli, who had meanwhile pulled away from Kevin. He recognized her immediately - it was the same nurse who had called out for Kevin the day his parents paid him a visit.
‘Eli?’ she asked. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I was just talking to Kevin.’
‘Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave. You’re not allowed to.’
Eli shot her a confused look. ‘What?’
‘Alexander told me that Kevin isn’t allowed to talk with anyone until further notice. Please leave the room now.’ She stated with a calm voice, moving to the side, as if inviting Eli to get out faster.
‘Are you kidding me?’ Kevin asked with a loud tone, in which Eli could detect annoyance.
‘Unfortunately, I’m not.’ Her speech was upsettingly tranquil, as if she had had to deal with this a hundred times before. ‘Now please leave, before both of you get into trouble.’
Eli gave Kevin an apologetic look and did as told. He wanted to say something else to him, but he was already buried with problems and, with Na Young analyzing his every movement, that could have been more than risky.
After she closed the door behind them, Eli turned towards her in a flash.
‘Please don’t tell Alexander I was talking to him. I absolutely had to say something to him, so I’m begging you to understand and just let it slip.’ He looked at her expectantly. Eli absolutely detested imploring like this, it made him feel cheap and like a coward.
‘I won’t.’ She responded plainly, without even looking in his direction. ‘Just make sure to go talk to him now. He arrived a minute ago and asked about you.’
‘Thank you. I owe you.’ He said, proceeding towards the opposite side of the corridor without losing any more time.
He halted in front of the door, feeling more nervous that a first-grader who had been sent to the Principal after throwing paper planes during class. He knocked once, took a deep breath and entered.
Alexander was sitting by the window, holding an x-ray plate in the light to examine the apparent brain scan distributed on the surface. He briefly turned and after noticing Eli he greeted with a short ‘Morning’ and indicated for him to have a seat. Eli greeted back and took his place on the nearest chair.
‘Right, sorry about that.’ He said after putting the scan down. ‘Some residents from one of the floors above broke into the archives last evening and messed with all the files. Now everything’s a jam and we need to rearrange all the folders.’
‘How did they break inside?’ Eli asked confused. ‘Weren’t they supposed to be watched?’
‘We have no idea. But that’s not the point right now.’
Here we go.
‘You know what I want to talk about and you have no idea how many things I have to say. But first, I want to hear your version.’ He stated calmly, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning on the leather chair. He didn’t say anything else, simply looked at Eli with a somewhat expecting countenance. Eli hadn’t anticipated that and was now thinking of a way to formulate everything in his head so that it wouldn’t come out as completely insane.
‘There isn’t much to say.’ He voiced composedly. ‘I came here without knowing what would happen, I started knowing Kevin more and more and, before I knew it, I was falling for him. There isn’t anything else to it.’
‘If you could turn back in time, would you do things differently?’
Another unpredictable question. Eli thought for a few seconds.
‘No.’
‘No?’ Alexander asked dubiously.
‘No.’ Eli repeated. ‘I know I’m doing things wrong, but, believe it or not, I’m happy with him.’
‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t regret breaking the rules.’ The older concluded evenly.
‘I think it’s worth it, since I’m not harming anybody.’
Eli knew he had made a huge error by saying that, but didn’t take it back. Alexander looked as if he might have slammed some sense into him, but quickly recomposed himself and continued.
‘You think you’re not harming anybody? You’re hurting him more than you know it.’
‘That’s not true. He likes being with me, I know he does.’
‘He does now, Eli. But he won’t forever. You’ll be leaving one day, just like Kiseop left. And Kevin will be forgotten just like before. Do you honestly believe that this time he’ll be capable of overcoming something like that?’
‘I told you before: I’m not going anywhere. I know you think I might one day, but I won’t.’
‘You’re under that impression now, when everything is new and exciting between the two of you. But judging by the slow progress Kevin is making and also hoping that his parents won’t take him away, he’ll be here for a long time. You won’t feel the same way in a year. Maybe you won’t even feel the same way in six months.’
‘You don’t know that.’ Eli said blandly.
‘I do. I’ve seen patients come and go, as well as staff. You’re not the first employee to fall for one of our residents. Besides, Kevin can’t offer you what a normal person can. He can’t walk out with you in the park like everybody else, he is even afraid of talking to other people. You’ll get bored after a while, because you won’t have anything else to do but stay here, stuck with him. And I’m not blaming you, it’s human nature to want to experience the new.’
‘Kevin is normal. And you should know that when I’m with someone, I’m with them for good. I’m not going to leave him.’
‘I never said he was abnormal. Just different. And he can’t offer you much.’
‘He offers me enough. And I can adjust to different just fine.’
The conversation they were having ran smoothly, without any implications of anger or threat. Eli felt that Alexander was literally trying to make him change his mind, but he wasn’t feeling any signs of pressure.
‘How do you know Kiseop was not fooling around?’ Eli asked.
‘How do I know you’re not fooling around?’ Alexander retorted.
‘You’ll have to trust me, because I’m saying the truth.’
‘You know, when you first arrived here, I immediately liked you because you seemed trustworthy. I thought I could confide in you and you’ve proven me wrong. Why would I trust you again?’
Eli didn’t know how to reply to that, so he decided on saying what his intuition told him.
‘I know I’ve lied, but I’m not a liar. I think Kiseop gave him false hope because he didn’t know any better. However, I am not going to hurt him.’
‘Kiseop gave him false hope? Eli, you’re giving him false hope. Do you even know the way he talks about you? You’re the best thing that happened to him up to now and normally I would be very glad to say something like that, when in fact I’m worried like hell. He’s under the illusion that you’ll be with him forever and he doesn’t even realize it. And what makes you think you two won’t part ways someday? You can’t predict that. Just like he couldn’t predict Kiseop leaving.’
Eli felt stuck again and cursed Alexander’s stupid, but efficient logic. He didn’t want to admit what he was being told, even if deep inside he knew it was the truth.
‘Maybe you’re right and I can’t predict what will happen. But neither can you.’ He said quietly. ‘You can’t know for sure I’ll be leaving this place.’
‘And what will happen if someone finds out? You’re going straight to court for breaking the rules, because believe me, things here are taken much more seriously than in the States, while I’m at risk of losing my job for backing you up.’
‘No one has to find out.’
‘Kyung Hee did.’ Alexander said. ‘She thought that if she lied to me I would actually buy it, but I could tell by her gestures she wasn’t being honest. That’s why I decided to talk to you that day.’
Eli threw some insults inside his head.
‘Kyung Hee found out because she saw us in the garden. It was an incident that just happened, neither of us had planned it, but we both know how careful we have to be. It won’t happen again.’
‘See, this is where you’re wrong. You’re making once again promises you can’t keep. How many times do I have to repeat myself for you to understand? You can’t know.’ He emphasized.
‘I’m giving you my word.’ Eli said.
‘Then what about this - he’ll be taken away by his parents and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. You’ll probably never going to see him again and that’ll be the end of your relationship. What comes next?’
‘We agreed to try and talk them out of it. Now you’re the one giving up?’
‘Actually, I am.’
Eli couldn’t believe his ears.
‘You’re only doing this because you want to see us part.’ Eli said. ‘You think you’re doing things for the better? You’ll hurt him more than you’re trying to bruise me. Not to mention that he’ll never forgive you for taking away the one thing that keeps his world together.’
‘It’s funny you should say that.’
Eli stared at him, not understanding what he was referring to.
‘His parents called yesterday, right after we got back.’ Alexander continued. ‘They announced they’ll arrive later today and take him. Everything has already been planned out and, even though I tried convincing them one last time, there was nothing I could do.’
Eli felt as if the ceiling was about to crash right on top of him. He looked at Alexander astounded, not daring, not wanting to believe it. They couldn’t just take him. They wouldn’t.
‘Kevin doesn’t know anything yet.’ The older went on. ‘Had I told him, he would have collapsed completely. I’ll just pretend that I don’t know anything until they turn up. And you better do the same. I believe Na Young already warned you he’s not allowed to talk with anybody?’
Eli couldn’t speak. He simply nodded.
‘Good. You won’t see him until he leaves, either. And if you try anything smart, I’m afraid I’ll have no other choice but to fire you. I’m giving you a second chance, so you’d better hang onto it.’
Eli looked at him the same way he would look at the residents one floor above. He couldn’t just do that. Why was he doing it?
‘That’s all.’ Alexander said after a while. ‘Go change your clothes and start your duties on the first floor. You won’t be working in this area today.’
‘You’re not serious.’ Eli whispered. ‘I thought he was your best friend. How can you not even care if he’s being taken away?’
Alexander looked at him for a second, before replying.
‘You think I don’t care? I’m going psychotic. When those people called me I seriously thought I was about to fucking cry. If you think I’m happy doing this, you couldn’t be more wrong. But what can I do?’
‘You could try harder, that’s what. If you don’t want me around him, fine. But you could at least hold onto him with more vim. You want me to leave? Fine, I’ll leave. But don’t allow them to take him afar from the one place in which he’s happy. The one place where he feels safe.’
Eli got up and left the room in a rash, not bothering to look back.
Fandom: U-KISS
Characters & Pairings: Elvin, Xander, OFC, other possible episodic characters
Rating: NC-17 in this chapter, PG-13 in general
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Humor, Drama
Summary: "Because the language confuses, like computers refuse to understand how I'm feeling today."
Eli is new to this world. Kevin makes him feel like home.
Disclaimer: The title belongs to English rock-band Muse, as well as the lyrics, extracted from their 2002 album entitled ”Hullabaloo”. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the named group, or any characters presented in this writing. No copyright infringement intended.
Read: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12
Month two. Day five.
Of course he couldn’t sleep all night. He had predicted something like that would happen, but still hoped for a few hours of rest.
Right. Dream big, Eli. And if the thought of losing any possibility to make contact with Kevin wasn’t enough, there was still a high feasibility of losing his job. Alexander’s facial expression when he told him he wanted to talk the next morning kept popping up in his head and it didn’t make it any easier for his nerves to go away. Because besides the obvious moral quarrel he had to go through, he could almost hear him saying ‘You’re fired’ and that worried him just as much as the thought of being deprived of Kevin. It took him months to find a position as a nurse, mainly because -to his most utter surprise- male nurses weren’t exactly looked well upon in Korea.
And what could he really defend himself with, anyway? He had no one to blame but his stupid, chaotic, uncontrollable feelings and he knew it darn too well. He had basically stepped on both regulations and logic and now had to pay for it. How, he had no idea.
The alarm clock went off with the usual buzzing sound, announcing it was 6:30 AM. He stopped it and kept staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes, with his arms under his head, thinking about nothing. He remembered studying in university about those brain diseases that prevented people who had them to think of anything, and always wondered how would it be like. Well, now he knew and he had to admit it didn’t feel that bad.
He eventually got up, showered and didn’t bother cleaning behind him, leaving the bathroom in a complete mess. After all, who would visit him and request to use it, since he had no friends whatsoever? He felt hungry and decided to eat something -which was a novelty, since he would normally grab something and head out the door- and left the apartment with an unsettled heart.
He wanted to arrive earlier so that he could find Kevin before Alexander got to him and, to his most outlandish luck, the older one hadn’t arrived yet. Making sure no one was looking -although at this early hour the janitor was the only one nearby, minding his own business- he immediately headed for Kevin’s room, entering without knocking. As expected, Kevin was sleeping with back turned at him, curled into a ball. Eli circled the bed and kneeled beside him.
‘Kev?’ he whispered. ‘Get up. I need to talk to you.’
He shook his shoulder lightly, after which he gave him a peck on the lips. The younger reacted at this gesture, opening his eyes so little Eli couldn’t even spot his iris. He groaned a bit and, after realizing what was happening, got up so fast he seemed electrocuted.
‘Eli!’ he exclaimed.
‘Shh.’ Eli motioned by bringing a finger to his lips. ‘We must be as quiet as possible. If someone knows I’m here I’ll be doomed.’
Kevin embraced him so strongly that Eli was sure he felt some bones cracking, but he was so warm and delicate it didn’t really matter. He then got out of bed, murmuring a small ‘Wait’ and quickly headed towards the sink nearby, taking a few mouths-full of water and cleansing.
‘You didn’t have to do that, you know.’ Eli laughed. ‘I don’t mind.’
‘Shut up, morning taste is gross.’
‘If you say so. I’m sorry I woke you up.’
Kevin didn’t say anything, but kissed him with such fiery passion like he hadn’t before. He still tasted a bit like sleep, but the slow, ardent motion he was working his tongue with around Eli’s made everything feel heavenly. Eli grabbed him by the waist and lifted him in the air, instant in which Kevin embraced his middle with his legs, determining Eli to grab him by the bottom and hold him like that. Kevin giggled through the wet kiss, clutching his neck with his arms and deepened his entire body into his lover’s.
They went on in that exact same rhythm until gasping for air was necessary and they had to pull apart. They looked into each other’s eyes, breathing so heavily like they had been running for hours.
‘That was brilliant.’ Eli said in the end. ‘You never kissed me like that before.’
Kevin stared back for a while.
‘I guess it was because I never imagined I would someday be in the position of losing you.’
He was still holding him like a child, in the middle of the room, but neither of them seemed to mind.
‘Speaking about that.’ Eli said. ‘What did Alexander say after you two left yesterday?’
‘It was horrible.’ Kevin replied, descending towards the ground, but still keeping his arms around Eli’s neck. The older hold him by the waist. ‘I thought he would talk the entire ride back, but didn’t say much, which only made things worse. Even the driver felt something was going on. After we entered the yard he started repeating how disappointed he felt and that he hoped I understand what this meant. I tried talking him out of it, even tried to tell him that I was happy with you, but he didn’t even want to listen.’
Eli gave him a faded smile, kissed him again and waited for him to continue.
‘He started reminding me about everything that happened with Kiseop and how you will someday leave just like he did and-’
He looked down and started to tremble a little. Eli lifted his chin with two fingers right away and noticed the tears that were forming in his eyes.
‘Hey,’ he sighed ‘I’m not going anywhere. Kiseop left because he had to, I have a permanent job here, remember?’
‘Yeah, especially now.’ Kevin said with a slight mocking tone. ‘What if he decides to fire you? What if he already decided?’
Eli didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted to reassure him that things would eventually turn out just fine, but he didn’t have the slimmest guarantee himself.
‘I’ll see what I can do today, when I talk to him.’ Was all he could say. ‘I’ll try talking him out of it.’
‘What if you fail?’ Kevin asked with a whimper. Eli shut up for a minute.
‘I don’t know.’ He eventually replied. ‘But let’s not worry about this right now. We still have a little left to-’
knock knock
‘Kevin?’ a female voice asked from the other side of the door. ‘Are you awake?’
The door then opened, revealing the figure of a young nurse. She stopped in her tracks after noticing Eli, who had meanwhile pulled away from Kevin. He recognized her immediately - it was the same nurse who had called out for Kevin the day his parents paid him a visit.
‘Eli?’ she asked. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I was just talking to Kevin.’
‘Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave. You’re not allowed to.’
Eli shot her a confused look. ‘What?’
‘Alexander told me that Kevin isn’t allowed to talk with anyone until further notice. Please leave the room now.’ She stated with a calm voice, moving to the side, as if inviting Eli to get out faster.
‘Are you kidding me?’ Kevin asked with a loud tone, in which Eli could detect annoyance.
‘Unfortunately, I’m not.’ Her speech was upsettingly tranquil, as if she had had to deal with this a hundred times before. ‘Now please leave, before both of you get into trouble.’
Eli gave Kevin an apologetic look and did as told. He wanted to say something else to him, but he was already buried with problems and, with Na Young analyzing his every movement, that could have been more than risky.
After she closed the door behind them, Eli turned towards her in a flash.
‘Please don’t tell Alexander I was talking to him. I absolutely had to say something to him, so I’m begging you to understand and just let it slip.’ He looked at her expectantly. Eli absolutely detested imploring like this, it made him feel cheap and like a coward.
‘I won’t.’ She responded plainly, without even looking in his direction. ‘Just make sure to go talk to him now. He arrived a minute ago and asked about you.’
‘Thank you. I owe you.’ He said, proceeding towards the opposite side of the corridor without losing any more time.
He halted in front of the door, feeling more nervous that a first-grader who had been sent to the Principal after throwing paper planes during class. He knocked once, took a deep breath and entered.
Alexander was sitting by the window, holding an x-ray plate in the light to examine the apparent brain scan distributed on the surface. He briefly turned and after noticing Eli he greeted with a short ‘Morning’ and indicated for him to have a seat. Eli greeted back and took his place on the nearest chair.
‘Right, sorry about that.’ He said after putting the scan down. ‘Some residents from one of the floors above broke into the archives last evening and messed with all the files. Now everything’s a jam and we need to rearrange all the folders.’
‘How did they break inside?’ Eli asked confused. ‘Weren’t they supposed to be watched?’
‘We have no idea. But that’s not the point right now.’
Here we go.
‘You know what I want to talk about and you have no idea how many things I have to say. But first, I want to hear your version.’ He stated calmly, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning on the leather chair. He didn’t say anything else, simply looked at Eli with a somewhat expecting countenance. Eli hadn’t anticipated that and was now thinking of a way to formulate everything in his head so that it wouldn’t come out as completely insane.
‘There isn’t much to say.’ He voiced composedly. ‘I came here without knowing what would happen, I started knowing Kevin more and more and, before I knew it, I was falling for him. There isn’t anything else to it.’
‘If you could turn back in time, would you do things differently?’
Another unpredictable question. Eli thought for a few seconds.
‘No.’
‘No?’ Alexander asked dubiously.
‘No.’ Eli repeated. ‘I know I’m doing things wrong, but, believe it or not, I’m happy with him.’
‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t regret breaking the rules.’ The older concluded evenly.
‘I think it’s worth it, since I’m not harming anybody.’
Eli knew he had made a huge error by saying that, but didn’t take it back. Alexander looked as if he might have slammed some sense into him, but quickly recomposed himself and continued.
‘You think you’re not harming anybody? You’re hurting him more than you know it.’
‘That’s not true. He likes being with me, I know he does.’
‘He does now, Eli. But he won’t forever. You’ll be leaving one day, just like Kiseop left. And Kevin will be forgotten just like before. Do you honestly believe that this time he’ll be capable of overcoming something like that?’
‘I told you before: I’m not going anywhere. I know you think I might one day, but I won’t.’
‘You’re under that impression now, when everything is new and exciting between the two of you. But judging by the slow progress Kevin is making and also hoping that his parents won’t take him away, he’ll be here for a long time. You won’t feel the same way in a year. Maybe you won’t even feel the same way in six months.’
‘You don’t know that.’ Eli said blandly.
‘I do. I’ve seen patients come and go, as well as staff. You’re not the first employee to fall for one of our residents. Besides, Kevin can’t offer you what a normal person can. He can’t walk out with you in the park like everybody else, he is even afraid of talking to other people. You’ll get bored after a while, because you won’t have anything else to do but stay here, stuck with him. And I’m not blaming you, it’s human nature to want to experience the new.’
‘Kevin is normal. And you should know that when I’m with someone, I’m with them for good. I’m not going to leave him.’
‘I never said he was abnormal. Just different. And he can’t offer you much.’
‘He offers me enough. And I can adjust to different just fine.’
The conversation they were having ran smoothly, without any implications of anger or threat. Eli felt that Alexander was literally trying to make him change his mind, but he wasn’t feeling any signs of pressure.
‘How do you know Kiseop was not fooling around?’ Eli asked.
‘How do I know you’re not fooling around?’ Alexander retorted.
‘You’ll have to trust me, because I’m saying the truth.’
‘You know, when you first arrived here, I immediately liked you because you seemed trustworthy. I thought I could confide in you and you’ve proven me wrong. Why would I trust you again?’
Eli didn’t know how to reply to that, so he decided on saying what his intuition told him.
‘I know I’ve lied, but I’m not a liar. I think Kiseop gave him false hope because he didn’t know any better. However, I am not going to hurt him.’
‘Kiseop gave him false hope? Eli, you’re giving him false hope. Do you even know the way he talks about you? You’re the best thing that happened to him up to now and normally I would be very glad to say something like that, when in fact I’m worried like hell. He’s under the illusion that you’ll be with him forever and he doesn’t even realize it. And what makes you think you two won’t part ways someday? You can’t predict that. Just like he couldn’t predict Kiseop leaving.’
Eli felt stuck again and cursed Alexander’s stupid, but efficient logic. He didn’t want to admit what he was being told, even if deep inside he knew it was the truth.
‘Maybe you’re right and I can’t predict what will happen. But neither can you.’ He said quietly. ‘You can’t know for sure I’ll be leaving this place.’
‘And what will happen if someone finds out? You’re going straight to court for breaking the rules, because believe me, things here are taken much more seriously than in the States, while I’m at risk of losing my job for backing you up.’
‘No one has to find out.’
‘Kyung Hee did.’ Alexander said. ‘She thought that if she lied to me I would actually buy it, but I could tell by her gestures she wasn’t being honest. That’s why I decided to talk to you that day.’
Eli threw some insults inside his head.
‘Kyung Hee found out because she saw us in the garden. It was an incident that just happened, neither of us had planned it, but we both know how careful we have to be. It won’t happen again.’
‘See, this is where you’re wrong. You’re making once again promises you can’t keep. How many times do I have to repeat myself for you to understand? You can’t know.’ He emphasized.
‘I’m giving you my word.’ Eli said.
‘Then what about this - he’ll be taken away by his parents and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. You’ll probably never going to see him again and that’ll be the end of your relationship. What comes next?’
‘We agreed to try and talk them out of it. Now you’re the one giving up?’
‘Actually, I am.’
Eli couldn’t believe his ears.
‘You’re only doing this because you want to see us part.’ Eli said. ‘You think you’re doing things for the better? You’ll hurt him more than you’re trying to bruise me. Not to mention that he’ll never forgive you for taking away the one thing that keeps his world together.’
‘It’s funny you should say that.’
Eli stared at him, not understanding what he was referring to.
‘His parents called yesterday, right after we got back.’ Alexander continued. ‘They announced they’ll arrive later today and take him. Everything has already been planned out and, even though I tried convincing them one last time, there was nothing I could do.’
Eli felt as if the ceiling was about to crash right on top of him. He looked at Alexander astounded, not daring, not wanting to believe it. They couldn’t just take him. They wouldn’t.
‘Kevin doesn’t know anything yet.’ The older went on. ‘Had I told him, he would have collapsed completely. I’ll just pretend that I don’t know anything until they turn up. And you better do the same. I believe Na Young already warned you he’s not allowed to talk with anybody?’
Eli couldn’t speak. He simply nodded.
‘Good. You won’t see him until he leaves, either. And if you try anything smart, I’m afraid I’ll have no other choice but to fire you. I’m giving you a second chance, so you’d better hang onto it.’
Eli looked at him the same way he would look at the residents one floor above. He couldn’t just do that. Why was he doing it?
‘That’s all.’ Alexander said after a while. ‘Go change your clothes and start your duties on the first floor. You won’t be working in this area today.’
‘You’re not serious.’ Eli whispered. ‘I thought he was your best friend. How can you not even care if he’s being taken away?’
Alexander looked at him for a second, before replying.
‘You think I don’t care? I’m going psychotic. When those people called me I seriously thought I was about to fucking cry. If you think I’m happy doing this, you couldn’t be more wrong. But what can I do?’
‘You could try harder, that’s what. If you don’t want me around him, fine. But you could at least hold onto him with more vim. You want me to leave? Fine, I’ll leave. But don’t allow them to take him afar from the one place in which he’s happy. The one place where he feels safe.’
Eli got up and left the room in a rash, not bothering to look back.