The road to condensing my personas down to two or three was a process that didn't happen overnight. Like any mess, to create it is far easier than to clean it. By my count this is a mess I've been perpetuating for years. I know my main identity is one of the keys needed to keep going. I need to stop running away from that name just because I don't ( Read more... )

If I had to list the most common piece of advice my counselor gives me is to "be kind to yourself", which is something I really suck at. Facebook is particularly evil when it comes being mean to myself. Weddings, babies and lifestyle posts don't affect me because those will come in good time. I'm not even sure I want the first two and most of the ( Read more... )

Fandom has moved onto Tumblr. I look at this journal now and wonder what to do with it since there's no fandom to connect to anymore by it. I've banned myself from writing in my paper journals. Why? Because it's distracting. The amount of time it would take me to write out a page by hand now compared to my typing speed, it would just make more ( Read more... )

I got an interview. There's a position at the library system near my hometown but is in the same city as where I live with M during the summer. You'd think I'd be happy. I was...when I first got the email asking for an interview. Then I started fretting. I criticized my slightest movement to be an error, such as giving my Skype name rather than ( Read more... )

The first friend I could remember being on LJ was someone I knew growing up in junior high and high school. My sense of time has been wonky in the last few years so I struggle to make myself remember that it was at least ten years ago when I still keep referring to it as as a few (like less than four or five). Fandoms have moved onto Tumblr and I ( Read more... )

I finally saw the psychiatrist at my university. It wasn't pleasant in that I got the feeling he was not listening. I automatically didn't like him but at this point, I don't care about that. I care about him writing a thorough and accurate report of his diagnosis to my doctor so that she can determine the best medication to start with ( Read more... )

When I began this entry, it was on a bad day. I did little more than wake up and wash my face. The day after was supposed to be getting blood tests done, get my prescription for sleeping pills as much as I hate the idea and having at least one professor allow to meet drop a course. So much for that plan ( Read more... )

In most cases it was unless I let my jerkbrain talk. I'm quitting for the semester, which does involve asking profs to sign the release form. I just can't take it. After talking enough with people, I realized that I'm not into school for the long run at this point. I'm more into getting out and that won't help. I need the break. It was rather ( Read more... )

I was very tempted to write in one of the paper journals today but I know how that would turn out. It would involve me making a long, verbose list, taking up pages but producing very little content. I can't remember when, but at one point I wrote out a point blank list of something I had been meandering about in an old journal. List took a couple ( Read more... )

I'm not going to lie. I have been in a bad place for a while. Depending on which day you ask me, I'll give you a different answer to when it started. I've tried writing in my paper journals but somehow that seems to intensify the problems because I avoid talking about the actual problem. Here, I won't. After all, that's what this journal was ( Read more... )