Line 49 (Chapter 32)
Title: Line 49
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 8,209
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
Chapter 10: "I found something that moved me."
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."
Chapter 12: "If it helps you, it's not a waste."
Chapter 13: "I'm going crazy thinking about her."
Chapter 14: "I-- I want to be with you too."
Chapter 15: "And what if there are no solutions?"
Chapter 16: "Will you go out with me?"
Chapter 17: "So I'll have to marry you before you finish telling me this story?"
Chapter 18: "Oh, Taeyeon... It changes everything."
Chapter 19: "You're just so cute when you get excited."
Chapter 20: "What's happening to us?"
Chapter 21: "There's always time for miracles."
Chapter 22: "I don't want to live without you."
Chapter 23: "I have some things I want to say."
Chapter 24: "It's powerlessness."
Chapter 25: "What are you scared of?"
Chapter 26: "Did your mother kick you out because you're gay?"
Chapter 27: "That's the most important thing, right? Happiness?"
Chapter 28: "I love her."
Chapter 29: "Everything that's happened... It's making me confused."
Chapter 30: "You lied to me."
Chapter 31: "Did you run away or get kicked out?"
Jessica dried her tears as they started falling again. She was still curled into a ball on her couch; she suspected it would be a long time coming until she would feel strong enough to get up. She laid on her back and held up her cellphone above her, hurrying through her contact list to find Sunny's number. More than anything she felt like she never wanted to show herself among other people again, but she knew they needed to talk. No matter what they would end up saying.
She sniffled as she listened to the silence when her phone connected her to Sunny, and not until the latter picked up did she remember that she was probably still at the hospital.
"Hello?"
"Hey," she said weakly. "It's me. Are you still at the hospital?"
A heavy sigh. "Yeah."
"Is everything okay over there?"
"No, they're not," Sunny said, obviously distressed. A door slammed in the background. "Yoona has completely stopped talking and is only staring ahead, Sooyoung is gone and Seohyun's parents are pacing up down the corridors looking lost." Jessica pulled herself into a sitting position and looked out the window; the sky had started to darken. "If she doesn't wake up soon, I'll go insane."
"I'm sorry," Jessica said, though not quite sure what she was apologizing for. She did care, didn't she? She had to. Seohyun's life was hanging in the balance, of course she cared. She did. At least she would, when she wasn't pressured into making a choice she wasn't ready for.
"Can you come back?" the younger pleaded. "I know we can't... do anything, but you just being here would make it better, I know it would."
Jessica wiped her tears again. "I don't think so," she said softly. "I'm sorry."
Sunny paused as she seemed to recognize the quiet despair in Jessica's voice. "What is it? Are you okay?"
"Sunny... Yuri knows."
Jessica felt relieved in the silence that followed, because suddenly she was less alone. "How?" Sunny breathed.
"She works at Line 49," Jessica explained. "Her on-call name is Jinjeong."
Jessica imagined Sunny having to fight for her balance wherever she was. "You can't be serious. No way." Jessica simply soaked in the relief of someone else feeling the same as her. "This is insane," Sunny continued after a few moments. "I've been talking to her for... for months. I've told her more about how I feel towards you than I have told you." Jessica felt curiosity rise for a moment, but she shook it away.
"Yeah... I would have warned you, but I didn't know."
"I'm sorry," Sunny breathed. "I should have-"
"Don't apologize," Jessica interrupted. "I'm the one who's sorry." Silent tears ran down her cheeks.
"So what did she say?" Sunny asked. She sniffled, too, and Jessica wondered if she had ever stopped crying. Her heart was filled with a dull ache. "Was she furious?"
"Yeah," Jessica replied. "She wants me to choose."
"Choose?"
"Between her and you."
Sunny's breathing was starting to come out ragged. Jessica stared numbly out the window above her television set. "So what did you say?" Sunny asked, almost spat. She expected to be abandoned again, Jessica realized, and she wondered if it was her fault, if Sunny would always wait for her lovers to leave her from now on.
"I told her I didn't know," she replied. "How can I? How can I choose?" Her voice broke, and suddenly she didn't feel like talking anymore.
"You- you'll figure it out," Sunny said, and Jessica marveled at how strong she was. Or was trying to be. "I don't... know what to say."
"She might as well have asked me to choose between the two halves of my body," Jessica said with a bitter snort. "Which one do I cherish more? Which one would I be more okay with chopping off?"
"Sica, I'll be here for you no matter what you do, remember?" Sunny replied, stuttering a little as she fought for a breath through her tears. "Even if you choose her."
"Come on," Jessica groaned, leaning back and staring into the ceiling. "I could never be with her in front of you. I couldn't do that to you." Better late than never.
"It's not like it would be anything I haven't seen before," Sunny laughed through her tears. "And I'd want you to. No matter what happens, I don't want to lose you, okay? I love you."
"No," Jessica said, shaking her head. "I couldn't look at you and just see a friend again, not after everything that's happened. I can't. I can't do it."
"You haven't tried," Sunny said pointedly. "You insisted we weren't friends right up until you kissed me for the first time, remember?" She sniffled.
Jessica closed her eyes. "You know I only said that because I didn't want this to happen."
"I know," Sunny agreed. "But it did. So stay with me."
They fell silent, and Jessica knew she had to choose her words very carefully, despite not having a clue what she wanted to say. "I want to," she said, because she knew that much was true. "But I can't... imagine my life without Yuri."
"If she was what you needed, would you really have come to me?" Sunny asked.
Jessica's ears rang, and she sank down on the couch once more. The little energy she had had to sit up seemed to leave her. "I miss you," she mumbled. "I can't talk about this anymore."
"I miss you, too," Sunny replied and continued carefully: "But Jessica, please, think about it."
"I am," Jessica argued. "That's the problem. I'm sorry, I'm not coming back to the hospital tonight. Call me if there are any news, yeah?"
"Yeah," Sunny sighed. "Call me when and if you want to talk."
"I will," Jessica said before she hung up and closed her eyes.
Sunny loved her selflessly. Yuri loved her fairly. And no matter how lousy it made her feel, it was time to figure out what that meant.
Taeyeon threw herself on Sooyoung's bed the moment the of them walked into the room together. The latter had still been at the hospital when she had called, but Taeyeon had begged and pleaded with her to come home, no matter how wrong it had felt to pull Sooyoung out of there.
Sooyoung walked over to the office chair by her desk and glanced at Taeyeon questioningly. "Okay, you're telling me what's up right this instant," she demanded. "You don't seem like yourself."
Taeyeon sighed deeply, arms and legs spread out over the other's bed. "It's such a long story. I have no idea what to say or do or feel right now."
Sooyoung kicked herself forwards on the chair to Taeyeon's bedside. "Well, start from the beginning," she urged her. "Something happened with Tiffany, right?"
Nodding, Taeyeon stared at the ceiling. "For the past few months," she began, "I've been calling this helpline for gay teens." She shot the younger girl a death glare when the other leaned back in her chair. "You can make fun of me all you want later, but just hear me out for now."
Sooyoung held up her hands. "I wasn't going to."
"Oh, please," Taeyeon said, smiling through her frown. "I've seen that look of 'shit-I-shouldn't-laugh-at-this-so-I'll-just-look-like-I-swallowed-a-live-fish-instead' a million times before."
Sooyoung looked scandalized. "Hey."
"Whatever," Taeyeon said, turning her gaze back to the ceiling. "It was the person I talked to there that advised me to go on a date. My mother found out I'm gay because she overheard me making a call to that helpline. Are you with me so far?"
"Yeah," Sooyoung said, nodding. "So basically, all the progress that you've made with accepting yourself and coming out and all that, started with the help you got from this person?"
Taeyeon nodded. "More or less."
"So this person is also the reason why you came out of your good-girl shell and dared to become more of an asshole?" Taeyeon rolled over on her side, reaching out to give her best friend a powerless slap on her thigh. "I'll take that as a yes," Sooyoung said, not even flinching.
"Anyway," Taeyeon continued, "I continued to call the helpline when I lived at Tiffany's, but only when she wasn't around. And today, before we heard about Seohyun's accident... Tiffany kissed me."
Sooyoung jolted upright in her chair. "She did?!"
Taeyeon fought a smile at the memory. "She said she's had feelings for me since we first met. We were making out in her car when Yoona called us about Seohyun."
With her mouth open in awe, Sooyoung looked livelier than she had in a while. "You little..." she said, giving Taeyeon a hard poke in her side, and the latter jerked back on the bed. "Geez, when did you switch our souls, really? When did you become the one to make out with people in cars while I'm the nervous wreck?"
"Don't get too excited, though," Taeyeon said, and Sooyoung's expression fell. "Cause then I found out that Tiffany works at the helpline I've been calling." Sooyoung tilted her head, frowning. "I've been talking to Tiffany in disguise for months, while she knew all along that it was me."
Sooyoung looked blank as she tried to process the information. "You mean..."
"Yes," Taeyeon said, feeling the anger brewing inside her again. "I mean that she's been lying to me all this time, prying my secrets from me while pretending to be someone else." She pulled Sooyoung's duvet over her face, choking back the curse words that flowed up to her lips. "She even asked me if I liked anyone and I just told her the truth."
"Whoa," Sooyoung said, and she looked taken aback as Taeyeon peeked through the sheets at her. "So have you told her you know the truth now?"
"Yes," Taeyeon said. "That was why I felt like we had to leave the hospital."
"And what did she say?" Sooyoung asked. "What was her excuse?"
Taeyeon closed her eyes. "Some clichéd shit about just wanting what's best for me and just trying to help... I don't know."
"So she apologized?" the younger continued. "Was she regretful?"
"Of course she was, everyone is regretful when they get caught lying," Taeyeon breathed.
"But wait, so, walk me through it," Sooyoung said. "How did she react?"
Taeyeon sighed. "It happened kind of quickly, I don't remember in detail," she muttered. Opening her eyes to face Sooyoung's impatient expression, though, she continued: "She tried to turn it around on me and said that she would have told me the truth, that I would have freaked out or something like that. And she asked me to let her explain."
"Did you?"
Taeyeon gave her a disbelieving look. "How could she possibly explain this?" she said exasperatedly. "What could she say to make this better?"
"God only knows," Sooyoung said, frowning and ruffling her hair, "until you've listened to what she has to say. That's sort of the point."
Taeyeon raised an eyebrow at her, surprised. She removed the duvet from her mouth. "You think I should waste my time listening to her come up with excuses?"
"What she said about you freaking out if she had told you the truth," Sooyoung said calmly, "don't you think she sort of had a point there? Isn't that what would have happened?"
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. "Of course that's what would have happened!" she exclaimed, gesturing wildly with her hands. "Why does that give her the right to lead me on like this? Why couldn't she just let me freak out? It's a very natural reaction to a messed up situation like this!"
"Hm," Sooyoung said, brow furrowing in thought. "So just because it's a natural reaction, it's automatically good?"
"Better than this," Taeyeon replied, shrugging.
"Look, I understand that you're pissed," Sooyoung tried. "No matter why she did it, lying to you like that is a fucked up thing to do and you have every right to hate her right now." Taeyeon nodded, relieved to finally be met with the sympathy she had been expecting from the other girl. "But the reasons why she did what she did aren't unimportant," Sooyoung continued then, and Taeyeon listened on in confusion. "If she really did all of this with your best in mind, then..."
Taeyeon sat up, leaning on her elbow. "Then what?"
Sooyoung shook her head. "I don't know. I just think you should try to open your mind to the possibility that that's what she was trying to do, even if it wasn't what you would have done." She showed her a smile that was almost apologetic. "You've had feelings for her for months, you want to solve this, right?"
Taeyeon flopped back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. "Why should I be the one to solve it, though? She's the one who fucked up."
"Because right now," Sooyoung said, getting up off the chair to sit down next to Taeyeon on the bed, "you're the one who's angry without listening to her point of view. Even if you think there's nothing she could say to make it better, you won't know until you listen."
Taeyeon tried to even out her ragged breathing. "It's just such a fucked up thing to do," she mumbled. "I'm still in shock."
"You know Tiffany as well as any of us do- actually, probably better," Sooyoung said, stroking Taeyeon's bangs carefully. "Does she really seem like a person who would do something like this?"
"I didn't think she was," Taeyeon said, looking up her friend through big eyes. "That's just the thing. I feel like I have no idea who she is now."
"Just give grant her the favor of listening to her thoughts, okay? And if you still can't understand her after that, you're free to still be angry, you know?" Sooyoung's voice was soft, and her hand in Taeyeon's hair made Taeyeon feel sleepy.
Taeyeon huffed. "Right now I feel like I never want to see her again."
In a way, she was glad for the shock that had covered her mind since Tiffany had confessed her feelings in the car earlier the same day. It made the hurt not quite so prominent. "I'm sorry if you feel like I took her side," Sooyoung said after a few silent moments. "It's just... After this whole thing with Hyoyeon, and now Seohyun..." she trailed off, deep in thought. "All of it has changed how I think about things." Taeyeon looked back at her, suddenly feeling guilty for having her own problems with love when Sooyoung was so heartbroken. She opened her mouth to say something, but the younger beat her to it. "Just make sure you've thought it all through before you make a decision."
Taeyeon nodded. "Maybe when I've calmed down I can think about it more clearly. But I can't help feeling so let down right now."
"I would too," Sooyoung said. "I would too."
Hope, worry, anger and shock mixed in Taeyeon's body and made her feel restless. Emotions shot off in all directions, and as always, she had no idea what to do with them. "We should probably get back to the hospital, right?" she wondered out loud. Every time her thoughts touched on Seohyun, she felt worse for leaving her there. Sooyoung nodded carefully, and she saw the same feelings reflected in her eyes. "Maybe we should get something to eat and head back."
"Yeah," Sooyoung breathed, and as she got up off the bed, her phone rang in her pocket. The girls looked at each other through wide eyes.
"Hurry and get it," Taeyeon breathed, sitting up and inching towards the edge of the bed.
Sooyoung's hands shook as she struggled to pull the phone out of her small jeans pocket. When she managed, she looked at the caller ID and frowned. "It's Leeteuk," she said, confused, before she picked up. "Hello?" Taeyeon felt the mixed relief and disappointment sting in her stomach. "What? Right now? Here? ...Okay." Sooyoung hung up, looking even more confused than she had before the call.
"What's up?" Taeyeon asked.
"He said he's here," Sooyoung replied. "Outside."
The both of them hurried down the stairs and out the door, and there he stood, leaning against his car on the parking lot. Sooyoung gave a little squeal and ran up to him, throwing herself into his arms. Taeyeon followed awkwardly, having met the guy only twice before. "Where have you been, you idiot?" Sooyoung panted as Leeteuk spun her around and put her down on the ground again.
"I've been around," he said. He turned to Taeyeon with a smile. "Hey, Taeyeon."
Sooyoung simply punched him on the arm. "So what are you doing here now?"
"Well," he said, "I'm here to suggest that you go pack a bag right now, because you and I are going on a little road trip."
Taeyeon and Sooyoung shared a confused look. And then the hope started growing in their chests again.
"Guys! Dinner!"
Hyoyeon rose from her half-asleep state, dizzily looking over to the other beds where Amber and Jonghyun were lying, both with their respective books in their hands. It had been three days since Hyoyeon had woken up in this house, and she was still sleeping a lot more than the others. She was getting better, though; more energetic, and above all she was slowly becoming calmer.
"Finally," Jonghyun growled, throwing his book on the bed and sprinting out of the room. Amber, on the other hand, sat up and waited for Hyoyeon to stretch and wake up properly before the two of them left the room together.
"I'm starving," Amber mumbled as they entered the hallway and the smell of food filled their nostrils. Despite not having worked up an appetite just yet, Hyoyeon couldn't deny the growling of her stomach and the way her powerless limbs seemed to cry out for more energy.
Most of the others were already in the kitchen when they entered; only Kyuhyun and Changmin came hurrying into the room a few seconds later. They all took their place by the round table, squeezing in between each other as well as they could - they had barely had enough room as it was before Hyoyeon joined the party. She took her place between Amber and Sulli, and watched how the others eyed the steaming hot pot of soup on the table. It was already dark outside, and the warm light of the kitchen made her feel comfortably sleepy.
"We're having soup again?" Key asked as he sat down next to Jaejoong.
Yunho showed him a patient smile from Jaejoong's other side. "When you've starved yourself for a long time it becomes hard for to the body to assimilate food at first. So we're eating these kind types of food for Hyoyeon's sake, okay?"
"But it's been days," Key whined.
"Better safe than sorry," Yunho said, throwing Hyoyeon an encouraging but careful smile. Ever since their first encounter, Yunho had kept his distance and let Hyoyeon find her place in the house, probably waiting for her to feel safe enough to approach him first. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. "Everyone, help yourselves."
Starting from Kyuhyun, who was seated on Yunho's left side, they pot was passed around the table as they scooped their plates full of soup. It smelled spicy, with pieces of chicken and vegetables, and Hyoyeon's hunger finally grew.
"We can have scrambled eggs tomorrow morning like you said, though, right?" Kyuhyun said, sipping on his spoon.
Yunho put a hand over his own forehead. "Shoot, I forgot to buy eggs, I'm sorry," he said, putting his hand on Kyuhyun's shoulder instead. "I'll buy them tomorrow, okay?"
Kyuhyun looked back at him, uncomprehending. "Why would you need to buy eggs? We get those from the refrigerator."
Hyoyeon looked up from her plate at the words, glancing around the table to see how they all reacted. She was expecting someone to laugh or mock him, but nobody moved a muscle. Changmin, on Kyuhyun's other side, put his spoon down and said calmly: "Eggs come from hens, Kyuhyun. Then they're transported to the store for us to buy them and put them in our fridge." Kyuhyun looked up at the other boy, narrowing his eyes a little before nodding and going back to his food.
Hyoyeon looked around the room again, but eventually she came to the conclusion that everyone must be used to Kyuhyun's different way of thinking already, and that she should probably work on getting used to it, too.
"Speaking of buying things," Changmin said through the sound of cutlery on porcelain. "I think there should be some kind of system for us to earn more computer time."
Jaejoong sighed a little where he was sitting, and Yunho gave him a half amused, half curious look. "You already fight over that computer enough as it is," Yunho said. "If you had more than an hour every day-"
"Yeah, okay, fair point, but I think that if we volunteer to help out with stuff at home, say, cleaning the living room or something, that we should be able to earn more computer time that way," Changmin argued. "That way all of us wouldn't have that much time per day, and we wouldn't have to fight more."
Yunho looked at Jaejoong, who furrowed his brow. "God knows you don't need any more reasons to fight."
"We wouldn't," Changmin whined. "Right, guys?"
There were grunts of agreement from Ryeowook, Onew and Amber, while Eunhyuk nodded enthusiastically. "I agree," he said. "One hour a day to talk to all of our friends from back home is way too little."
"Right," Amber agreed. "That's why cellphones would-"
"Oh, I'm not having this discussion again," Jaejoong said dismissively while Yunho chuckled. "You guys can buy your own cellphones when you've turned eighteen and started earning your own money."
Hyoyeon could feel Amber practically vibrate with her need to argue. "But-"
"No," Jaejoong cut her off. "That's my final word."
"Yikes," Amber said, shrinking back down in her seat. "It's almost like living at church camp."
"Watch out before they start making us read bible verses," Key said with a wink in her direction.
"You know what," Jaejoong murmured, putting his spoon down on the table and reaching up to circle an arm around Key's shoulders, "that doesn't sound like such a bad idea." He squeezed the other's shoulders tightly as the other squirmed to get away, laughing breathily as Jaejoong poked his sides with his free hand. "You've lived here for, what, almost two years? And all you've ever done is run your mouth, you little brat. I think it's time you got to cleanse your mind."
"Easy now, you two, before you end up flipping the table over," Yunho said, a hand on Jaejoong's shoulder, and the two separated hesitantly.
"We ought to send this one to military school," Jaejoong said, ruffling Key's hair before letting go of him.
"We'll think about your suggestion, okay, Changmin?" Yunho said, and Changmin nodded with an excited smile. "You guys will really have to work on not fighting if we agree to this, though. We don't want no murders in this house."
"Then you should probably lock Jaejoong in the basement," Key said, a playful glint in his eyes.
"What was that?" Jaejoong asked, eyes boring into him from the side.
"Nothing," Key replied with a big smile full of sunshine.
"Thought so."
Hyoyeon ate in silence, listening to the different conversations taking place and trying her best to ignore the way her heart beat warmly in her chest. This, she knew, was family. It wasn't a glamorous one, and everyone had their flaws, but it was the best one Hyoyeon had ever been a part of. The only problem was, she had no idea what to do with feeling of affection that bubbled up inside her towards each and every one of them. She had no idea how to be a part of something so warm without constantly wanting to cry.
And it was without a doubt the best problem she had ever had.
She was surprised when Eunhyuk said her name after dinner. "Hyoyeon," he said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Of course," Hyoyeon said, taken aback. Curiosity got to her immediately, but she couldn't help but feel nervous at the same time. The two of them walked into the room Eunhyuk shared with Onew and Ryeowook, which was by far the messiest room in the house. Magazines and clothes were spread out over the floor, bedside tables and desk, and it reminded Hyoyeon a little of her own room back at her father's house.
Eunhyuk sat down on what she assumed was his bed and gestured towards the chair in front of the desk. Hyoyeon sat down, looking back at him through the light from lamp on the desk. "What's up?"
Eunhyuk took a deep breath, stretching his shoulders with his hands resting on his knees. "What would you say," he said slowly, "if I said I know who you are?"
Hyoyeon stared back at him blankly. "What?"
Eunhyuk swallowed. "If I said I know who you are, where you're from, and what you're running from."
Hyoyeon's eyes widened, and she leaned back, unconsciously inching away from the boy. "How? What?" Her heart started beating faster in her chest; this simply couldn't be happening. After everything she had been through, would she just end up back where she had started? Had everything been for nothing? And why now, now that she had finally found a place to feel at ease? For a second she cursed herself for having given in to the feeling of security that Jaejoong and Yunho and everyone else in this place had given her, but then Eunhyuk spoke again.
"I believe we have a mutual friend," he said, smiling half-heartedly. "Leeteuk?"
Hyoyeon paled. "You didn't tell him, did you?"
The other gave a tilted smile. "I... didn't know you knew each other. I'm sorry."
Hyoyeon stood up. "Why would you-" she said, panted, as it became harder to breathe. "Did you tell him my name?"
"I did," Eunhyuk nodded. "I just thought you should know."
She wanted to give him some kind of answer, but she found herself speechless, now that the skies were crashing down yet again. She wanted to run, but she had no energy. She had settled down here. The only place she had ever felt comfortable staying at was here and by Sooyoung's side, and leaving one of those two places was enough pain for a lifetime. She turned around and marched towards the door, unsure where she was going.
"But Hyoyeon," Eunhyuk said, standing up too. She stopped with her hand on the door handle, looking over her shoulder. "Don't be scared." She stared at him, feeling cold as the fear ran through her body. "I know running away is your first instinct right now. It's the first instinct for all of us whenever something like this happens," he said honestly. "But there's no need to run this time. I know Leeteuk, and if he comes looking for you, he won't hurt you if you don't do what he says. He's... not your father."
Hyoyeon let her hand fall from the door. "I just never wanted them to find out where I was."
Eunhyuk looked sympathetic. "Why not? It's not like you have to go back just because they ask you to." Hyoyeon raised an eyebrow, and Eunhyuk rushed to explain: "Several of us here keep in contact with our friends back home. They know where we are, and sometimes they ask us to come back, but that doesn't mean we have to."
Hyoyeon tried her best to breathe as deeply as she could. "But if my father finds out-"
"Would Leeteuk really tell him that, though?" Eunhyuk questioned. "Would any of your friends?"
Hyoyeon's head ached, along with her broken arm. "I don't know," she said evasively.
"And even if he would find out, Jaejoong and Yunho wouldn't let anything happen to you," Eunhyuk said, appearing a little embarrassed by his own words. "You must know that as well as I do."
Hyoyeon drew a shuddering breath. "I'm scared that I will break down if I see my old friends," she said quietly. "I'm scared that I will end up feeling so guilty that I go back and end up in the same situation again. I don't know what to do." Tired tears welled up in her eyes for the first time since she had woken up in Kyuhyun's room.
Eunhyuk walked up to her. "Talk to Jaejoong. He will know what to do." Hyoyeon looked into his sad eyes, saw his sincerity and nodded. "I didn't mean to reveal your location to Leeteuk," he said, looking away. "I didn't even think Hyoyeon was your real name."
Hyoyeon shook her head. "I don't blame you," she said, trying her hardest to smile. "I didn't think this could happen either." Tiredness made her dizzy, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed.
"Think it over," Eunhyuk said. "Talk to Jaejoong."
Hyoyeon nodded before turning back around and leaving the room. She found Jaejoong sitting on the living room couch right outside the door, and through the open door to the kitchen should hear Yunho deal with the dishes. She exchanged a quiet smile with Jaejoong before she walked towards her room, but Jaejoong's voice caused her to pause.
"I folded your clothes and put them on your bed," he said. "Let me know when you want to go into town and buy some more clothes in your size, okay?"
"Okay," Hyoyeon replied, fighting to keep her voice steady and not reveal just how close she was to panicking. "Thanks." She pushed the door open quickly and disappeared into her dimly lit room, empty as Amber and Jonghyun had disappeared to play some computer games. Her eyes fell on the pile of clothes by the foot of her bed, and she walked over, sat down and picked them up. The pair of jeans she had worn was her favorite pair, but looking at them now, all she could think of were memories of feeling dirty, trapped and hopeless.
She folded and unfolded them on her lap a few times, listening to the voice in her head that begged her to run away again, before Leeteuk would get here - and God only knew what that guy would do. What if he had already called her father? What if the two of them would show up on their yard in the morning, demanding she came back home? And what if he brought Sooyoung? What would she say if they met again, how would she possibly ever be able to make up for all the worry and pain she had caused?
Yes, she wanted to run, but as she held the material in her hands tightly, she knew there was no way she could go back to living on the streets. Not after everything she had experienced in this house, not after the night in the van, not with her broken arm. Maybe Eunhyuk was right. Maybe the answer wasn't to run this time.
She reached down into the pockets of her jeans. They were both empty, barred a crumpled up, tainted ball of paper. She frowned as she held it in her hand, trying to remember what it had been - and then it hit her. The note with Sooyoung's phone number on it. The one she had written before she got rid of her cellphone on her first day on the run.
It was completely unreadable. And before she knew it, tears dripped down her cheeks, for reasons she couldn't explain. The last memory of hope for a normal life before everything had broken down was now gone, and it wasn't like Hyoyeon hadn't already known that. She let herself cry, sob so violently her throat felt like it was about to burst, and she didn't bother to ask herself, to figure out what she was really feeling.
"Hyoyeon?" came Jaejoong's voice, and she looked up to see him leaning in through the open door. "What's the matter?" He looked worried, but Hyoyeon couldn't find her voice through her desperate gasps for air. He ran over to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders protectively. "What's wrong, love?"
Hyoyeon simply held out the crumpled ball of paper to him, jerking from side to side as the tears shook her body. Jaejoong took it and looked from it to Hyoyeon in confusion. "What's this?" he asked softly.
"My friend," Hyoyeon stuttered out, "her phone number. It's ruined."
And as she said it, it seemed more real, and she cried even harder, unable to stop the flood of tears running down her face. "Her phone number?" Jaejoong repeated. "I'm sure we can just search up her number online. Come on now, love, let's go look up her number--"
Hyoyeon heard the logic in his words, but it didn't help. It didn't make anything better. As he stood up and attempted to pull her with him, she grabbed his arms and pulled him back twice as strongly. Jaejoong remained on his feet for a second, seemingly confused as to what was going on, but then he seemed to understand, and sank back down next to her.
Hyoyeon buried her face in his shirt, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and hold her close as she cried. And for the first time, she cried without thinking of all the hate that had been forced on her, of all the things that she had been through and that other people had done to her. Instead she thought of all the love she had been offered and not known how to accept; she cried for Sooyoung and Tiffany and the rest of the girls, for Hankyung and Heechul, for Amber and Key and Jaejoong himself and all the other misfits in this house.
When her tears slowed down gradually and she pulled back, Jaejoong didn't look at her with pity, but with something like relief. "I'm too exhausted to tell anyone about what happened to me," Hyoyeon said, tears still streaming through closed eyelids. "But I have to, because I can't make sense of it all alone."
Jaejoong stroked her hair carefully. "In your own time, dear."
She felt the need to get it all out burn inside of her. Never had she told anyone the whole truth about what she had been through; never had she allowed anyone to come in so close. And when she did, it was all she could do to try to stop protecting the memories, as if the moments of betrayal, her moments of hurt, were worth anything.
That night, she slept better than she had in years.
Leeteuk and Sooyoung dropped Taeyeon off at the hospital before they left. The sky was completely darkened now, and Sooyoung was tired. It had been a long day. A bag with some of her clothes rested on the backseat, and she had no idea where they were going.
As soon as Taeyeon had left the car to find her friends in the waiting room, Sooyoung turned to Leeteuk. "Mind telling me what's going on now that we're alone?"
Leeteuk didn't take his eyes off the darkened road, but there was something mischievous in his tilted smile. "It's sort of a long story," he said.
"You'd better have a good reason to come and steal me away like this," Sooyoung muttered. "I want to be back when Seohyun wakes up, you know?"
"I understand," Leeteuk nodded. "But I think you'll want to be here for this, too."
"So what is it?" Sooyoung asked. Hope burned sourly in her stomach, the kind that she didn't want to encourage in fear of being wrong. "Where are we going?"
"Hmm..." Leeteuk said, tilting his head and staring ahead dreamily. "Did you ever meet my friend, Hyukjae?"
Sooyoung frowned. "I'm not sure. I met a whole lot of people through you." She looked out the window, feeling discouraged. "But I don't recognize the name, so I don't think so."
"No, he had probably already taken off by the time you and I got to know each other," Leeteuk replied, nodding in agreement. Sooyoung stared at him. He threw her a short look, did a double take at her attentive expression, and continued: "Long story short, I had a very close friend who ended up in a bit of economic trouble. In short, he owed someone a truckload of money. He was young, and he had no means of getting the money." Sooyoung frowned as she listened, but didn't question why she was hearing it. "He had always been something of a trouble maker, he fought a lot with her parents, so he didn't dare to ask them for help. In the end, he lied to them and took their money to pay back his debt, hoping he would find a way to replace it before they found out." Sooyoung winced.
"That worked out well, I take it."
Leeteuk smiled joylessly and shook his head. "Not very. They figured out that it was him, and then they threw him out. End of story, goodbye. Never answered his calls or messages though he pleaded with them and told them he didn't have any money."
Sooyoung shook her head in disbelief. "Parenting 101. That's how it's done. What happened to him?"
"I don't know how he got money for it, and honestly I'm not sure I want to know, but he left town," Leeteuk replied. "He disappeared without a word. I was worried out of my head, and I kept coming up with all these stupid plans to find him... Until one day, several months later, when he contacted me online." Sooyoung's heart beat faster in her chest, simply from imagining the scenario coming true for herself and Hyoyeon, too. "He apologized for everything, and told me that he had found a place to stay. A family of people who had all lost their homes in one way or another. That he was fine, and I shouldn't worry."
"Thank God," Sooyoung said, hope now undeniable in her chest.
"Yeah," Leeteuk nodded. "In the beginning, I was suspicious. It sounded too good to be true, and I felt like he just said it to make me stop looking for him. He didn't want to give away the location and he claimed to have gotten rid of his cellphone, so for a while I thought he was lying to me."
Sooyoung nodded. "Was he?" she asked, studying the other's unreadable expression carefully.
Leeteuk shifted in his seat. The soft light from the street made him look very tired. "This is where you have to know a few things about me that I've never told you, for this story to make sense." He threw her another look, worried now. "How much have I told you about my brother?"
Sooyoung narrowed her eyes, wrecking her brain to remember what he had told her. "Uhhh... The special needs one who had to go live in a foster home?"
"That's the one," Leeteuk agreed, giving her a pointed look.
Sooyoung's mouth dropped open. "You don't mean..."
Leeteuk nodded, obviously finding it difficult to go on speaking. "Know that you are the only person I have ever told this story to, Sooyoung." She nodded, holding up her crossed fingers to show that she wouldn't tell anyone else. Leeteuk sighed. "My parents... care a lot about how things look from the outside, and not as much about the reality of things," he said slowly. "From the outside, they may seem nice, but... I don't think they're very good people." He swallowed, looking like the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. "My brother was born autistic, and they never got over it. They never accepted him or loved him for who he was. I always knew that if they had a choice, they would give him up." He shook his head, as if his heart was breaking at the thought. "They would hit him... yell at him... not feed him like they should... and just generally mistreat him."
"Whoa," Sooyoung said, her heart aching.
"I, on the other hand, loved him," Leeteuk said plainly. "I took care of him when they didn't." He looked stronger now, and Sooyoung had to hold back an impulse to take his hand. "I protected him for as long as I could. But, then came the time when I had to apply for universities. I wasn't accepted into the one in town, but the one I'm going to now, you know the one, right?"
Sooyoung nodded, "of course."
"It's in another city, so I couldn't stay at home," he continued. "When I found out that I had to leave, I refused. For my brother's sake. I told my parents I wanted to work for a year and then try to apply to the one in our city again, and they flipped out. It was the scariest experience of my life."
"What did they do?" Sooyoung asked, scared of the answer.
"I told you they care more about how things seem from the outside, right?" he asked, and he was looking paler now. "They asked me what I thought our extended family would think, if I declined a prestigious education to work some crappy job that barely paid. They told me I had to go, but I insisted that I wanted to stay. We argued for a long time about this, until they finally used what they knew was my weak spot."
"Your brother?"
Leeteuk nodded. "They said that if I were to disobey them, then he would be the one to pay." Sooyoung shivered, unable to truly process what she was hearing. "I knew that if I stayed, I could watch over him like I had, but if they would set out to hurt him, then there was nothing I could do. I couldn't be there with him twenty-four seven. So I knew I had to find another way."
Sooyoung pulled her hands through her hair. "I can't believe these kinds of people exist," she said, and added: "No offense," when she realized she was talking about his parents.
Leeteuk just shook his head. "I don't understand it either, even after living with them my whole life. By chance, Hyukjae was online one day when I was agonizing over what to do, and I told him about my problem. And thank God he did," he breathed, finally exhaling as if he had held his breath through the entire story. "He told me to bring my brother up there, where he could have a perfectly normal life, and Hyukjae could keep an eye on him and keep me updated on how he was doing. I didn't see any other choice. I told my parents to trust me, since I knew they wanted him gone either way, and that if they let me send my brother away, no questions asked, I would go to the university. And they agreed."
Sooyoung sat stiff in her seat. "I can't believe it," she mumbled.
"I couldn't either," Leeteuk agreed. "I wondered if I had gone insane when I drove him up there. I stayed at the house with him for several days, got to know the other people who lived there, caught up with Hyukjae, checked that everything was okay... And I couldn't find any reason not to leave my brother there. So at the end of those few days, I went home alone."
"And he's okay?" Sooyoung asked. "Everything's alright?"
Leeteuk nodded. "He's happy there. The other kids treat him well, and recently he's going to school, too. He's happier now than he ever was at home with my lousy parents. And I have to tell everyone that his disorder was too severe for him to function properly in a normal goddamn home."
"The world is so unbelievably fucked up," Sooyoung mumbled, staring out into the darkness outside again. "So that's where we're going now? To that house?" Leeteuk nodded, and Sooyoung frowned again. "Not that I don't appreciate you trusting me with all this, but... Why are you bringing me?"
"Right," Leeteuk said, his expression easing up a little. "I talked to Hyukjae last night. He said there's a new kid at the house."
Sooyoung's heart beat erratically, and she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. "Uh-huh?"
"A girl with long, blonde hair, who goes by the name of Hyoyeon." He gave her a warm smile, but Sooyoung could barely process what she was seeing or hearing. "She's there, Sooyoung. She's okay. She's been there for about a week."
She stared at him, unable to form a coherent sentence as he tried his best to meet her gaze and keep his eyes on the road at the same time. "You'd better not be lying to me right now," she said in the end, tingles of excitement, nervousness and adrenaline flowing from her hands to her toes. "You'd better be sure about this, Leeteuk."
But Leeteuk simply smiled. "I am. You will see her again tomorrow, I promise you."
Sooyoung fell silent at that, staring out the window and shaking as if she was freezing, but she couldn't be sure that was really the reason. Thoughts raced through her mind unrestrainedly, and she was surprised she couldn't feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She had nothing to say. All she wanted was for the morning to come.
"It's an eight hour drive there," Leeteuk said after about thirty seconds of silence. "Since it's already late, I suggest we drive until we, or well, I, am too tired to continue, and then we find a place to park the car and sleep in it. Or would you feel more comfortable if we found a motel or something?"
Sooyoung shook her head numbly. "The car is fine."
"Okay. Then in the morning, I call Hyukjae to prepare them, and then we drive the last part of the way. I'll catch up with Hyukjae and my brother, and you get to see Hyoyeon again. Sound good?"
Sooyoung closed her eyes, swallowing heavily. "You have no idea," she said. "You really have no idea."
Leeteuk laughed. "No, you're probably right about that. But you can relax now, Soo. Everything's okay. She's alright."
"I don't think I can believe it until I see her," she breathed. "It still seems too good to be true."
But she couldn't deny the way her heart seemed to skip every second beat as she pulled out her cellphone from her pocket to contact the girls. Hyoyeon was back. She would see her within a matter of hours. Maybe she would even come home again. And Sooyoung felt like she had never entertained a thought so beautiful before.
Jessica woke up at three a.m. She had had the energy to move to the bedroom at some point during the night, which she felt most clearly from how her back didn't ache. At this point, she thought to herself with a chuckle, she was thankful for any part of her that didn't hurt.
She grabbed her phone from beside her on the bed at the same time as she reached up to move her hair out of her face, and she noticed her hair and forehead was sticky with sweat. Nightmares, she assumed. She couldn't remember them. How much had she even slept? 10 minutes? 40 minutes? 2 hours?
Her phone had one unread message, but it wasn't new. She had received it hours earlier, but seeing as it was from Sunny, she hadn't wanted to open it until now.
Sender: Sunny
Recipient: Jessica
taeyeon, yoona and i are sleeping in the waiting room tonight. are you okay? still here if you need me.
Jessica closed it as soon as she had read it and threw the phone back down on the bed. Then she turned over, burying her face in the sheets, trying to will herself to go back to sleep, even though it seemed futile.
Because at some point during the night, she had come to a decision. It seemed obvious now, and she wondered why she hadn't reached this conclusion months ago, maybe even before this whole thing had even started. She wanted to call both Yuri and Sunny at once to tell them what she had decided, but it was late. And she was scared. She knew that her feelings weren't the only ones that were running wild right now, so maybe it was better to wait a while. Just a few days, until things had calmed down. Until Seohyun had woken up and proven them all right, until maybe, just maybe, her choice wouldn't hurt quite as much.
Though, that was probably a naive thought, wasn't it?
A/N:
Just like I left an A/N at a previous chapter saying "the reason why I kept going on about Siwon", chapter 32 is the reason why I kept going on about Leeteuk, too, haha. It's a long time ago now, though. Let's just say I'm learning so freaking much while writing this monster (which is closing in on 500 freaking pages, btw). Thank you for still reading it.
Chapter 33
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 8,209
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
Chapter 10: "I found something that moved me."
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."
Chapter 12: "If it helps you, it's not a waste."
Chapter 13: "I'm going crazy thinking about her."
Chapter 14: "I-- I want to be with you too."
Chapter 15: "And what if there are no solutions?"
Chapter 16: "Will you go out with me?"
Chapter 17: "So I'll have to marry you before you finish telling me this story?"
Chapter 18: "Oh, Taeyeon... It changes everything."
Chapter 19: "You're just so cute when you get excited."
Chapter 20: "What's happening to us?"
Chapter 21: "There's always time for miracles."
Chapter 22: "I don't want to live without you."
Chapter 23: "I have some things I want to say."
Chapter 24: "It's powerlessness."
Chapter 25: "What are you scared of?"
Chapter 26: "Did your mother kick you out because you're gay?"
Chapter 27: "That's the most important thing, right? Happiness?"
Chapter 28: "I love her."
Chapter 29: "Everything that's happened... It's making me confused."
Chapter 30: "You lied to me."
Chapter 31: "Did you run away or get kicked out?"
Jessica dried her tears as they started falling again. She was still curled into a ball on her couch; she suspected it would be a long time coming until she would feel strong enough to get up. She laid on her back and held up her cellphone above her, hurrying through her contact list to find Sunny's number. More than anything she felt like she never wanted to show herself among other people again, but she knew they needed to talk. No matter what they would end up saying.
She sniffled as she listened to the silence when her phone connected her to Sunny, and not until the latter picked up did she remember that she was probably still at the hospital.
"Hello?"
"Hey," she said weakly. "It's me. Are you still at the hospital?"
A heavy sigh. "Yeah."
"Is everything okay over there?"
"No, they're not," Sunny said, obviously distressed. A door slammed in the background. "Yoona has completely stopped talking and is only staring ahead, Sooyoung is gone and Seohyun's parents are pacing up down the corridors looking lost." Jessica pulled herself into a sitting position and looked out the window; the sky had started to darken. "If she doesn't wake up soon, I'll go insane."
"I'm sorry," Jessica said, though not quite sure what she was apologizing for. She did care, didn't she? She had to. Seohyun's life was hanging in the balance, of course she cared. She did. At least she would, when she wasn't pressured into making a choice she wasn't ready for.
"Can you come back?" the younger pleaded. "I know we can't... do anything, but you just being here would make it better, I know it would."
Jessica wiped her tears again. "I don't think so," she said softly. "I'm sorry."
Sunny paused as she seemed to recognize the quiet despair in Jessica's voice. "What is it? Are you okay?"
"Sunny... Yuri knows."
Jessica felt relieved in the silence that followed, because suddenly she was less alone. "How?" Sunny breathed.
"She works at Line 49," Jessica explained. "Her on-call name is Jinjeong."
Jessica imagined Sunny having to fight for her balance wherever she was. "You can't be serious. No way." Jessica simply soaked in the relief of someone else feeling the same as her. "This is insane," Sunny continued after a few moments. "I've been talking to her for... for months. I've told her more about how I feel towards you than I have told you." Jessica felt curiosity rise for a moment, but she shook it away.
"Yeah... I would have warned you, but I didn't know."
"I'm sorry," Sunny breathed. "I should have-"
"Don't apologize," Jessica interrupted. "I'm the one who's sorry." Silent tears ran down her cheeks.
"So what did she say?" Sunny asked. She sniffled, too, and Jessica wondered if she had ever stopped crying. Her heart was filled with a dull ache. "Was she furious?"
"Yeah," Jessica replied. "She wants me to choose."
"Choose?"
"Between her and you."
Sunny's breathing was starting to come out ragged. Jessica stared numbly out the window above her television set. "So what did you say?" Sunny asked, almost spat. She expected to be abandoned again, Jessica realized, and she wondered if it was her fault, if Sunny would always wait for her lovers to leave her from now on.
"I told her I didn't know," she replied. "How can I? How can I choose?" Her voice broke, and suddenly she didn't feel like talking anymore.
"You- you'll figure it out," Sunny said, and Jessica marveled at how strong she was. Or was trying to be. "I don't... know what to say."
"She might as well have asked me to choose between the two halves of my body," Jessica said with a bitter snort. "Which one do I cherish more? Which one would I be more okay with chopping off?"
"Sica, I'll be here for you no matter what you do, remember?" Sunny replied, stuttering a little as she fought for a breath through her tears. "Even if you choose her."
"Come on," Jessica groaned, leaning back and staring into the ceiling. "I could never be with her in front of you. I couldn't do that to you." Better late than never.
"It's not like it would be anything I haven't seen before," Sunny laughed through her tears. "And I'd want you to. No matter what happens, I don't want to lose you, okay? I love you."
"No," Jessica said, shaking her head. "I couldn't look at you and just see a friend again, not after everything that's happened. I can't. I can't do it."
"You haven't tried," Sunny said pointedly. "You insisted we weren't friends right up until you kissed me for the first time, remember?" She sniffled.
Jessica closed her eyes. "You know I only said that because I didn't want this to happen."
"I know," Sunny agreed. "But it did. So stay with me."
They fell silent, and Jessica knew she had to choose her words very carefully, despite not having a clue what she wanted to say. "I want to," she said, because she knew that much was true. "But I can't... imagine my life without Yuri."
"If she was what you needed, would you really have come to me?" Sunny asked.
Jessica's ears rang, and she sank down on the couch once more. The little energy she had had to sit up seemed to leave her. "I miss you," she mumbled. "I can't talk about this anymore."
"I miss you, too," Sunny replied and continued carefully: "But Jessica, please, think about it."
"I am," Jessica argued. "That's the problem. I'm sorry, I'm not coming back to the hospital tonight. Call me if there are any news, yeah?"
"Yeah," Sunny sighed. "Call me when and if you want to talk."
"I will," Jessica said before she hung up and closed her eyes.
Sunny loved her selflessly. Yuri loved her fairly. And no matter how lousy it made her feel, it was time to figure out what that meant.
Taeyeon threw herself on Sooyoung's bed the moment the of them walked into the room together. The latter had still been at the hospital when she had called, but Taeyeon had begged and pleaded with her to come home, no matter how wrong it had felt to pull Sooyoung out of there.
Sooyoung walked over to the office chair by her desk and glanced at Taeyeon questioningly. "Okay, you're telling me what's up right this instant," she demanded. "You don't seem like yourself."
Taeyeon sighed deeply, arms and legs spread out over the other's bed. "It's such a long story. I have no idea what to say or do or feel right now."
Sooyoung kicked herself forwards on the chair to Taeyeon's bedside. "Well, start from the beginning," she urged her. "Something happened with Tiffany, right?"
Nodding, Taeyeon stared at the ceiling. "For the past few months," she began, "I've been calling this helpline for gay teens." She shot the younger girl a death glare when the other leaned back in her chair. "You can make fun of me all you want later, but just hear me out for now."
Sooyoung held up her hands. "I wasn't going to."
"Oh, please," Taeyeon said, smiling through her frown. "I've seen that look of 'shit-I-shouldn't-laugh-at-this-so-I'll-just-look-like-I-swallowed-a-live-fish-instead' a million times before."
Sooyoung looked scandalized. "Hey."
"Whatever," Taeyeon said, turning her gaze back to the ceiling. "It was the person I talked to there that advised me to go on a date. My mother found out I'm gay because she overheard me making a call to that helpline. Are you with me so far?"
"Yeah," Sooyoung said, nodding. "So basically, all the progress that you've made with accepting yourself and coming out and all that, started with the help you got from this person?"
Taeyeon nodded. "More or less."
"So this person is also the reason why you came out of your good-girl shell and dared to become more of an asshole?" Taeyeon rolled over on her side, reaching out to give her best friend a powerless slap on her thigh. "I'll take that as a yes," Sooyoung said, not even flinching.
"Anyway," Taeyeon continued, "I continued to call the helpline when I lived at Tiffany's, but only when she wasn't around. And today, before we heard about Seohyun's accident... Tiffany kissed me."
Sooyoung jolted upright in her chair. "She did?!"
Taeyeon fought a smile at the memory. "She said she's had feelings for me since we first met. We were making out in her car when Yoona called us about Seohyun."
With her mouth open in awe, Sooyoung looked livelier than she had in a while. "You little..." she said, giving Taeyeon a hard poke in her side, and the latter jerked back on the bed. "Geez, when did you switch our souls, really? When did you become the one to make out with people in cars while I'm the nervous wreck?"
"Don't get too excited, though," Taeyeon said, and Sooyoung's expression fell. "Cause then I found out that Tiffany works at the helpline I've been calling." Sooyoung tilted her head, frowning. "I've been talking to Tiffany in disguise for months, while she knew all along that it was me."
Sooyoung looked blank as she tried to process the information. "You mean..."
"Yes," Taeyeon said, feeling the anger brewing inside her again. "I mean that she's been lying to me all this time, prying my secrets from me while pretending to be someone else." She pulled Sooyoung's duvet over her face, choking back the curse words that flowed up to her lips. "She even asked me if I liked anyone and I just told her the truth."
"Whoa," Sooyoung said, and she looked taken aback as Taeyeon peeked through the sheets at her. "So have you told her you know the truth now?"
"Yes," Taeyeon said. "That was why I felt like we had to leave the hospital."
"And what did she say?" Sooyoung asked. "What was her excuse?"
Taeyeon closed her eyes. "Some clichéd shit about just wanting what's best for me and just trying to help... I don't know."
"So she apologized?" the younger continued. "Was she regretful?"
"Of course she was, everyone is regretful when they get caught lying," Taeyeon breathed.
"But wait, so, walk me through it," Sooyoung said. "How did she react?"
Taeyeon sighed. "It happened kind of quickly, I don't remember in detail," she muttered. Opening her eyes to face Sooyoung's impatient expression, though, she continued: "She tried to turn it around on me and said that she would have told me the truth, that I would have freaked out or something like that. And she asked me to let her explain."
"Did you?"
Taeyeon gave her a disbelieving look. "How could she possibly explain this?" she said exasperatedly. "What could she say to make this better?"
"God only knows," Sooyoung said, frowning and ruffling her hair, "until you've listened to what she has to say. That's sort of the point."
Taeyeon raised an eyebrow at her, surprised. She removed the duvet from her mouth. "You think I should waste my time listening to her come up with excuses?"
"What she said about you freaking out if she had told you the truth," Sooyoung said calmly, "don't you think she sort of had a point there? Isn't that what would have happened?"
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. "Of course that's what would have happened!" she exclaimed, gesturing wildly with her hands. "Why does that give her the right to lead me on like this? Why couldn't she just let me freak out? It's a very natural reaction to a messed up situation like this!"
"Hm," Sooyoung said, brow furrowing in thought. "So just because it's a natural reaction, it's automatically good?"
"Better than this," Taeyeon replied, shrugging.
"Look, I understand that you're pissed," Sooyoung tried. "No matter why she did it, lying to you like that is a fucked up thing to do and you have every right to hate her right now." Taeyeon nodded, relieved to finally be met with the sympathy she had been expecting from the other girl. "But the reasons why she did what she did aren't unimportant," Sooyoung continued then, and Taeyeon listened on in confusion. "If she really did all of this with your best in mind, then..."
Taeyeon sat up, leaning on her elbow. "Then what?"
Sooyoung shook her head. "I don't know. I just think you should try to open your mind to the possibility that that's what she was trying to do, even if it wasn't what you would have done." She showed her a smile that was almost apologetic. "You've had feelings for her for months, you want to solve this, right?"
Taeyeon flopped back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. "Why should I be the one to solve it, though? She's the one who fucked up."
"Because right now," Sooyoung said, getting up off the chair to sit down next to Taeyeon on the bed, "you're the one who's angry without listening to her point of view. Even if you think there's nothing she could say to make it better, you won't know until you listen."
Taeyeon tried to even out her ragged breathing. "It's just such a fucked up thing to do," she mumbled. "I'm still in shock."
"You know Tiffany as well as any of us do- actually, probably better," Sooyoung said, stroking Taeyeon's bangs carefully. "Does she really seem like a person who would do something like this?"
"I didn't think she was," Taeyeon said, looking up her friend through big eyes. "That's just the thing. I feel like I have no idea who she is now."
"Just give grant her the favor of listening to her thoughts, okay? And if you still can't understand her after that, you're free to still be angry, you know?" Sooyoung's voice was soft, and her hand in Taeyeon's hair made Taeyeon feel sleepy.
Taeyeon huffed. "Right now I feel like I never want to see her again."
In a way, she was glad for the shock that had covered her mind since Tiffany had confessed her feelings in the car earlier the same day. It made the hurt not quite so prominent. "I'm sorry if you feel like I took her side," Sooyoung said after a few silent moments. "It's just... After this whole thing with Hyoyeon, and now Seohyun..." she trailed off, deep in thought. "All of it has changed how I think about things." Taeyeon looked back at her, suddenly feeling guilty for having her own problems with love when Sooyoung was so heartbroken. She opened her mouth to say something, but the younger beat her to it. "Just make sure you've thought it all through before you make a decision."
Taeyeon nodded. "Maybe when I've calmed down I can think about it more clearly. But I can't help feeling so let down right now."
"I would too," Sooyoung said. "I would too."
Hope, worry, anger and shock mixed in Taeyeon's body and made her feel restless. Emotions shot off in all directions, and as always, she had no idea what to do with them. "We should probably get back to the hospital, right?" she wondered out loud. Every time her thoughts touched on Seohyun, she felt worse for leaving her there. Sooyoung nodded carefully, and she saw the same feelings reflected in her eyes. "Maybe we should get something to eat and head back."
"Yeah," Sooyoung breathed, and as she got up off the bed, her phone rang in her pocket. The girls looked at each other through wide eyes.
"Hurry and get it," Taeyeon breathed, sitting up and inching towards the edge of the bed.
Sooyoung's hands shook as she struggled to pull the phone out of her small jeans pocket. When she managed, she looked at the caller ID and frowned. "It's Leeteuk," she said, confused, before she picked up. "Hello?" Taeyeon felt the mixed relief and disappointment sting in her stomach. "What? Right now? Here? ...Okay." Sooyoung hung up, looking even more confused than she had before the call.
"What's up?" Taeyeon asked.
"He said he's here," Sooyoung replied. "Outside."
The both of them hurried down the stairs and out the door, and there he stood, leaning against his car on the parking lot. Sooyoung gave a little squeal and ran up to him, throwing herself into his arms. Taeyeon followed awkwardly, having met the guy only twice before. "Where have you been, you idiot?" Sooyoung panted as Leeteuk spun her around and put her down on the ground again.
"I've been around," he said. He turned to Taeyeon with a smile. "Hey, Taeyeon."
Sooyoung simply punched him on the arm. "So what are you doing here now?"
"Well," he said, "I'm here to suggest that you go pack a bag right now, because you and I are going on a little road trip."
Taeyeon and Sooyoung shared a confused look. And then the hope started growing in their chests again.
"Guys! Dinner!"
Hyoyeon rose from her half-asleep state, dizzily looking over to the other beds where Amber and Jonghyun were lying, both with their respective books in their hands. It had been three days since Hyoyeon had woken up in this house, and she was still sleeping a lot more than the others. She was getting better, though; more energetic, and above all she was slowly becoming calmer.
"Finally," Jonghyun growled, throwing his book on the bed and sprinting out of the room. Amber, on the other hand, sat up and waited for Hyoyeon to stretch and wake up properly before the two of them left the room together.
"I'm starving," Amber mumbled as they entered the hallway and the smell of food filled their nostrils. Despite not having worked up an appetite just yet, Hyoyeon couldn't deny the growling of her stomach and the way her powerless limbs seemed to cry out for more energy.
Most of the others were already in the kitchen when they entered; only Kyuhyun and Changmin came hurrying into the room a few seconds later. They all took their place by the round table, squeezing in between each other as well as they could - they had barely had enough room as it was before Hyoyeon joined the party. She took her place between Amber and Sulli, and watched how the others eyed the steaming hot pot of soup on the table. It was already dark outside, and the warm light of the kitchen made her feel comfortably sleepy.
"We're having soup again?" Key asked as he sat down next to Jaejoong.
Yunho showed him a patient smile from Jaejoong's other side. "When you've starved yourself for a long time it becomes hard for to the body to assimilate food at first. So we're eating these kind types of food for Hyoyeon's sake, okay?"
"But it's been days," Key whined.
"Better safe than sorry," Yunho said, throwing Hyoyeon an encouraging but careful smile. Ever since their first encounter, Yunho had kept his distance and let Hyoyeon find her place in the house, probably waiting for her to feel safe enough to approach him first. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. "Everyone, help yourselves."
Starting from Kyuhyun, who was seated on Yunho's left side, they pot was passed around the table as they scooped their plates full of soup. It smelled spicy, with pieces of chicken and vegetables, and Hyoyeon's hunger finally grew.
"We can have scrambled eggs tomorrow morning like you said, though, right?" Kyuhyun said, sipping on his spoon.
Yunho put a hand over his own forehead. "Shoot, I forgot to buy eggs, I'm sorry," he said, putting his hand on Kyuhyun's shoulder instead. "I'll buy them tomorrow, okay?"
Kyuhyun looked back at him, uncomprehending. "Why would you need to buy eggs? We get those from the refrigerator."
Hyoyeon looked up from her plate at the words, glancing around the table to see how they all reacted. She was expecting someone to laugh or mock him, but nobody moved a muscle. Changmin, on Kyuhyun's other side, put his spoon down and said calmly: "Eggs come from hens, Kyuhyun. Then they're transported to the store for us to buy them and put them in our fridge." Kyuhyun looked up at the other boy, narrowing his eyes a little before nodding and going back to his food.
Hyoyeon looked around the room again, but eventually she came to the conclusion that everyone must be used to Kyuhyun's different way of thinking already, and that she should probably work on getting used to it, too.
"Speaking of buying things," Changmin said through the sound of cutlery on porcelain. "I think there should be some kind of system for us to earn more computer time."
Jaejoong sighed a little where he was sitting, and Yunho gave him a half amused, half curious look. "You already fight over that computer enough as it is," Yunho said. "If you had more than an hour every day-"
"Yeah, okay, fair point, but I think that if we volunteer to help out with stuff at home, say, cleaning the living room or something, that we should be able to earn more computer time that way," Changmin argued. "That way all of us wouldn't have that much time per day, and we wouldn't have to fight more."
Yunho looked at Jaejoong, who furrowed his brow. "God knows you don't need any more reasons to fight."
"We wouldn't," Changmin whined. "Right, guys?"
There were grunts of agreement from Ryeowook, Onew and Amber, while Eunhyuk nodded enthusiastically. "I agree," he said. "One hour a day to talk to all of our friends from back home is way too little."
"Right," Amber agreed. "That's why cellphones would-"
"Oh, I'm not having this discussion again," Jaejoong said dismissively while Yunho chuckled. "You guys can buy your own cellphones when you've turned eighteen and started earning your own money."
Hyoyeon could feel Amber practically vibrate with her need to argue. "But-"
"No," Jaejoong cut her off. "That's my final word."
"Yikes," Amber said, shrinking back down in her seat. "It's almost like living at church camp."
"Watch out before they start making us read bible verses," Key said with a wink in her direction.
"You know what," Jaejoong murmured, putting his spoon down on the table and reaching up to circle an arm around Key's shoulders, "that doesn't sound like such a bad idea." He squeezed the other's shoulders tightly as the other squirmed to get away, laughing breathily as Jaejoong poked his sides with his free hand. "You've lived here for, what, almost two years? And all you've ever done is run your mouth, you little brat. I think it's time you got to cleanse your mind."
"Easy now, you two, before you end up flipping the table over," Yunho said, a hand on Jaejoong's shoulder, and the two separated hesitantly.
"We ought to send this one to military school," Jaejoong said, ruffling Key's hair before letting go of him.
"We'll think about your suggestion, okay, Changmin?" Yunho said, and Changmin nodded with an excited smile. "You guys will really have to work on not fighting if we agree to this, though. We don't want no murders in this house."
"Then you should probably lock Jaejoong in the basement," Key said, a playful glint in his eyes.
"What was that?" Jaejoong asked, eyes boring into him from the side.
"Nothing," Key replied with a big smile full of sunshine.
"Thought so."
Hyoyeon ate in silence, listening to the different conversations taking place and trying her best to ignore the way her heart beat warmly in her chest. This, she knew, was family. It wasn't a glamorous one, and everyone had their flaws, but it was the best one Hyoyeon had ever been a part of. The only problem was, she had no idea what to do with feeling of affection that bubbled up inside her towards each and every one of them. She had no idea how to be a part of something so warm without constantly wanting to cry.
And it was without a doubt the best problem she had ever had.
She was surprised when Eunhyuk said her name after dinner. "Hyoyeon," he said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Of course," Hyoyeon said, taken aback. Curiosity got to her immediately, but she couldn't help but feel nervous at the same time. The two of them walked into the room Eunhyuk shared with Onew and Ryeowook, which was by far the messiest room in the house. Magazines and clothes were spread out over the floor, bedside tables and desk, and it reminded Hyoyeon a little of her own room back at her father's house.
Eunhyuk sat down on what she assumed was his bed and gestured towards the chair in front of the desk. Hyoyeon sat down, looking back at him through the light from lamp on the desk. "What's up?"
Eunhyuk took a deep breath, stretching his shoulders with his hands resting on his knees. "What would you say," he said slowly, "if I said I know who you are?"
Hyoyeon stared back at him blankly. "What?"
Eunhyuk swallowed. "If I said I know who you are, where you're from, and what you're running from."
Hyoyeon's eyes widened, and she leaned back, unconsciously inching away from the boy. "How? What?" Her heart started beating faster in her chest; this simply couldn't be happening. After everything she had been through, would she just end up back where she had started? Had everything been for nothing? And why now, now that she had finally found a place to feel at ease? For a second she cursed herself for having given in to the feeling of security that Jaejoong and Yunho and everyone else in this place had given her, but then Eunhyuk spoke again.
"I believe we have a mutual friend," he said, smiling half-heartedly. "Leeteuk?"
Hyoyeon paled. "You didn't tell him, did you?"
The other gave a tilted smile. "I... didn't know you knew each other. I'm sorry."
Hyoyeon stood up. "Why would you-" she said, panted, as it became harder to breathe. "Did you tell him my name?"
"I did," Eunhyuk nodded. "I just thought you should know."
She wanted to give him some kind of answer, but she found herself speechless, now that the skies were crashing down yet again. She wanted to run, but she had no energy. She had settled down here. The only place she had ever felt comfortable staying at was here and by Sooyoung's side, and leaving one of those two places was enough pain for a lifetime. She turned around and marched towards the door, unsure where she was going.
"But Hyoyeon," Eunhyuk said, standing up too. She stopped with her hand on the door handle, looking over her shoulder. "Don't be scared." She stared at him, feeling cold as the fear ran through her body. "I know running away is your first instinct right now. It's the first instinct for all of us whenever something like this happens," he said honestly. "But there's no need to run this time. I know Leeteuk, and if he comes looking for you, he won't hurt you if you don't do what he says. He's... not your father."
Hyoyeon let her hand fall from the door. "I just never wanted them to find out where I was."
Eunhyuk looked sympathetic. "Why not? It's not like you have to go back just because they ask you to." Hyoyeon raised an eyebrow, and Eunhyuk rushed to explain: "Several of us here keep in contact with our friends back home. They know where we are, and sometimes they ask us to come back, but that doesn't mean we have to."
Hyoyeon tried her best to breathe as deeply as she could. "But if my father finds out-"
"Would Leeteuk really tell him that, though?" Eunhyuk questioned. "Would any of your friends?"
Hyoyeon's head ached, along with her broken arm. "I don't know," she said evasively.
"And even if he would find out, Jaejoong and Yunho wouldn't let anything happen to you," Eunhyuk said, appearing a little embarrassed by his own words. "You must know that as well as I do."
Hyoyeon drew a shuddering breath. "I'm scared that I will break down if I see my old friends," she said quietly. "I'm scared that I will end up feeling so guilty that I go back and end up in the same situation again. I don't know what to do." Tired tears welled up in her eyes for the first time since she had woken up in Kyuhyun's room.
Eunhyuk walked up to her. "Talk to Jaejoong. He will know what to do." Hyoyeon looked into his sad eyes, saw his sincerity and nodded. "I didn't mean to reveal your location to Leeteuk," he said, looking away. "I didn't even think Hyoyeon was your real name."
Hyoyeon shook her head. "I don't blame you," she said, trying her hardest to smile. "I didn't think this could happen either." Tiredness made her dizzy, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed.
"Think it over," Eunhyuk said. "Talk to Jaejoong."
Hyoyeon nodded before turning back around and leaving the room. She found Jaejoong sitting on the living room couch right outside the door, and through the open door to the kitchen should hear Yunho deal with the dishes. She exchanged a quiet smile with Jaejoong before she walked towards her room, but Jaejoong's voice caused her to pause.
"I folded your clothes and put them on your bed," he said. "Let me know when you want to go into town and buy some more clothes in your size, okay?"
"Okay," Hyoyeon replied, fighting to keep her voice steady and not reveal just how close she was to panicking. "Thanks." She pushed the door open quickly and disappeared into her dimly lit room, empty as Amber and Jonghyun had disappeared to play some computer games. Her eyes fell on the pile of clothes by the foot of her bed, and she walked over, sat down and picked them up. The pair of jeans she had worn was her favorite pair, but looking at them now, all she could think of were memories of feeling dirty, trapped and hopeless.
She folded and unfolded them on her lap a few times, listening to the voice in her head that begged her to run away again, before Leeteuk would get here - and God only knew what that guy would do. What if he had already called her father? What if the two of them would show up on their yard in the morning, demanding she came back home? And what if he brought Sooyoung? What would she say if they met again, how would she possibly ever be able to make up for all the worry and pain she had caused?
Yes, she wanted to run, but as she held the material in her hands tightly, she knew there was no way she could go back to living on the streets. Not after everything she had experienced in this house, not after the night in the van, not with her broken arm. Maybe Eunhyuk was right. Maybe the answer wasn't to run this time.
She reached down into the pockets of her jeans. They were both empty, barred a crumpled up, tainted ball of paper. She frowned as she held it in her hand, trying to remember what it had been - and then it hit her. The note with Sooyoung's phone number on it. The one she had written before she got rid of her cellphone on her first day on the run.
It was completely unreadable. And before she knew it, tears dripped down her cheeks, for reasons she couldn't explain. The last memory of hope for a normal life before everything had broken down was now gone, and it wasn't like Hyoyeon hadn't already known that. She let herself cry, sob so violently her throat felt like it was about to burst, and she didn't bother to ask herself, to figure out what she was really feeling.
"Hyoyeon?" came Jaejoong's voice, and she looked up to see him leaning in through the open door. "What's the matter?" He looked worried, but Hyoyeon couldn't find her voice through her desperate gasps for air. He ran over to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders protectively. "What's wrong, love?"
Hyoyeon simply held out the crumpled ball of paper to him, jerking from side to side as the tears shook her body. Jaejoong took it and looked from it to Hyoyeon in confusion. "What's this?" he asked softly.
"My friend," Hyoyeon stuttered out, "her phone number. It's ruined."
And as she said it, it seemed more real, and she cried even harder, unable to stop the flood of tears running down her face. "Her phone number?" Jaejoong repeated. "I'm sure we can just search up her number online. Come on now, love, let's go look up her number--"
Hyoyeon heard the logic in his words, but it didn't help. It didn't make anything better. As he stood up and attempted to pull her with him, she grabbed his arms and pulled him back twice as strongly. Jaejoong remained on his feet for a second, seemingly confused as to what was going on, but then he seemed to understand, and sank back down next to her.
Hyoyeon buried her face in his shirt, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and hold her close as she cried. And for the first time, she cried without thinking of all the hate that had been forced on her, of all the things that she had been through and that other people had done to her. Instead she thought of all the love she had been offered and not known how to accept; she cried for Sooyoung and Tiffany and the rest of the girls, for Hankyung and Heechul, for Amber and Key and Jaejoong himself and all the other misfits in this house.
When her tears slowed down gradually and she pulled back, Jaejoong didn't look at her with pity, but with something like relief. "I'm too exhausted to tell anyone about what happened to me," Hyoyeon said, tears still streaming through closed eyelids. "But I have to, because I can't make sense of it all alone."
Jaejoong stroked her hair carefully. "In your own time, dear."
She felt the need to get it all out burn inside of her. Never had she told anyone the whole truth about what she had been through; never had she allowed anyone to come in so close. And when she did, it was all she could do to try to stop protecting the memories, as if the moments of betrayal, her moments of hurt, were worth anything.
That night, she slept better than she had in years.
Leeteuk and Sooyoung dropped Taeyeon off at the hospital before they left. The sky was completely darkened now, and Sooyoung was tired. It had been a long day. A bag with some of her clothes rested on the backseat, and she had no idea where they were going.
As soon as Taeyeon had left the car to find her friends in the waiting room, Sooyoung turned to Leeteuk. "Mind telling me what's going on now that we're alone?"
Leeteuk didn't take his eyes off the darkened road, but there was something mischievous in his tilted smile. "It's sort of a long story," he said.
"You'd better have a good reason to come and steal me away like this," Sooyoung muttered. "I want to be back when Seohyun wakes up, you know?"
"I understand," Leeteuk nodded. "But I think you'll want to be here for this, too."
"So what is it?" Sooyoung asked. Hope burned sourly in her stomach, the kind that she didn't want to encourage in fear of being wrong. "Where are we going?"
"Hmm..." Leeteuk said, tilting his head and staring ahead dreamily. "Did you ever meet my friend, Hyukjae?"
Sooyoung frowned. "I'm not sure. I met a whole lot of people through you." She looked out the window, feeling discouraged. "But I don't recognize the name, so I don't think so."
"No, he had probably already taken off by the time you and I got to know each other," Leeteuk replied, nodding in agreement. Sooyoung stared at him. He threw her a short look, did a double take at her attentive expression, and continued: "Long story short, I had a very close friend who ended up in a bit of economic trouble. In short, he owed someone a truckload of money. He was young, and he had no means of getting the money." Sooyoung frowned as she listened, but didn't question why she was hearing it. "He had always been something of a trouble maker, he fought a lot with her parents, so he didn't dare to ask them for help. In the end, he lied to them and took their money to pay back his debt, hoping he would find a way to replace it before they found out." Sooyoung winced.
"That worked out well, I take it."
Leeteuk smiled joylessly and shook his head. "Not very. They figured out that it was him, and then they threw him out. End of story, goodbye. Never answered his calls or messages though he pleaded with them and told them he didn't have any money."
Sooyoung shook her head in disbelief. "Parenting 101. That's how it's done. What happened to him?"
"I don't know how he got money for it, and honestly I'm not sure I want to know, but he left town," Leeteuk replied. "He disappeared without a word. I was worried out of my head, and I kept coming up with all these stupid plans to find him... Until one day, several months later, when he contacted me online." Sooyoung's heart beat faster in her chest, simply from imagining the scenario coming true for herself and Hyoyeon, too. "He apologized for everything, and told me that he had found a place to stay. A family of people who had all lost their homes in one way or another. That he was fine, and I shouldn't worry."
"Thank God," Sooyoung said, hope now undeniable in her chest.
"Yeah," Leeteuk nodded. "In the beginning, I was suspicious. It sounded too good to be true, and I felt like he just said it to make me stop looking for him. He didn't want to give away the location and he claimed to have gotten rid of his cellphone, so for a while I thought he was lying to me."
Sooyoung nodded. "Was he?" she asked, studying the other's unreadable expression carefully.
Leeteuk shifted in his seat. The soft light from the street made him look very tired. "This is where you have to know a few things about me that I've never told you, for this story to make sense." He threw her another look, worried now. "How much have I told you about my brother?"
Sooyoung narrowed her eyes, wrecking her brain to remember what he had told her. "Uhhh... The special needs one who had to go live in a foster home?"
"That's the one," Leeteuk agreed, giving her a pointed look.
Sooyoung's mouth dropped open. "You don't mean..."
Leeteuk nodded, obviously finding it difficult to go on speaking. "Know that you are the only person I have ever told this story to, Sooyoung." She nodded, holding up her crossed fingers to show that she wouldn't tell anyone else. Leeteuk sighed. "My parents... care a lot about how things look from the outside, and not as much about the reality of things," he said slowly. "From the outside, they may seem nice, but... I don't think they're very good people." He swallowed, looking like the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. "My brother was born autistic, and they never got over it. They never accepted him or loved him for who he was. I always knew that if they had a choice, they would give him up." He shook his head, as if his heart was breaking at the thought. "They would hit him... yell at him... not feed him like they should... and just generally mistreat him."
"Whoa," Sooyoung said, her heart aching.
"I, on the other hand, loved him," Leeteuk said plainly. "I took care of him when they didn't." He looked stronger now, and Sooyoung had to hold back an impulse to take his hand. "I protected him for as long as I could. But, then came the time when I had to apply for universities. I wasn't accepted into the one in town, but the one I'm going to now, you know the one, right?"
Sooyoung nodded, "of course."
"It's in another city, so I couldn't stay at home," he continued. "When I found out that I had to leave, I refused. For my brother's sake. I told my parents I wanted to work for a year and then try to apply to the one in our city again, and they flipped out. It was the scariest experience of my life."
"What did they do?" Sooyoung asked, scared of the answer.
"I told you they care more about how things seem from the outside, right?" he asked, and he was looking paler now. "They asked me what I thought our extended family would think, if I declined a prestigious education to work some crappy job that barely paid. They told me I had to go, but I insisted that I wanted to stay. We argued for a long time about this, until they finally used what they knew was my weak spot."
"Your brother?"
Leeteuk nodded. "They said that if I were to disobey them, then he would be the one to pay." Sooyoung shivered, unable to truly process what she was hearing. "I knew that if I stayed, I could watch over him like I had, but if they would set out to hurt him, then there was nothing I could do. I couldn't be there with him twenty-four seven. So I knew I had to find another way."
Sooyoung pulled her hands through her hair. "I can't believe these kinds of people exist," she said, and added: "No offense," when she realized she was talking about his parents.
Leeteuk just shook his head. "I don't understand it either, even after living with them my whole life. By chance, Hyukjae was online one day when I was agonizing over what to do, and I told him about my problem. And thank God he did," he breathed, finally exhaling as if he had held his breath through the entire story. "He told me to bring my brother up there, where he could have a perfectly normal life, and Hyukjae could keep an eye on him and keep me updated on how he was doing. I didn't see any other choice. I told my parents to trust me, since I knew they wanted him gone either way, and that if they let me send my brother away, no questions asked, I would go to the university. And they agreed."
Sooyoung sat stiff in her seat. "I can't believe it," she mumbled.
"I couldn't either," Leeteuk agreed. "I wondered if I had gone insane when I drove him up there. I stayed at the house with him for several days, got to know the other people who lived there, caught up with Hyukjae, checked that everything was okay... And I couldn't find any reason not to leave my brother there. So at the end of those few days, I went home alone."
"And he's okay?" Sooyoung asked. "Everything's alright?"
Leeteuk nodded. "He's happy there. The other kids treat him well, and recently he's going to school, too. He's happier now than he ever was at home with my lousy parents. And I have to tell everyone that his disorder was too severe for him to function properly in a normal goddamn home."
"The world is so unbelievably fucked up," Sooyoung mumbled, staring out into the darkness outside again. "So that's where we're going now? To that house?" Leeteuk nodded, and Sooyoung frowned again. "Not that I don't appreciate you trusting me with all this, but... Why are you bringing me?"
"Right," Leeteuk said, his expression easing up a little. "I talked to Hyukjae last night. He said there's a new kid at the house."
Sooyoung's heart beat erratically, and she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. "Uh-huh?"
"A girl with long, blonde hair, who goes by the name of Hyoyeon." He gave her a warm smile, but Sooyoung could barely process what she was seeing or hearing. "She's there, Sooyoung. She's okay. She's been there for about a week."
She stared at him, unable to form a coherent sentence as he tried his best to meet her gaze and keep his eyes on the road at the same time. "You'd better not be lying to me right now," she said in the end, tingles of excitement, nervousness and adrenaline flowing from her hands to her toes. "You'd better be sure about this, Leeteuk."
But Leeteuk simply smiled. "I am. You will see her again tomorrow, I promise you."
Sooyoung fell silent at that, staring out the window and shaking as if she was freezing, but she couldn't be sure that was really the reason. Thoughts raced through her mind unrestrainedly, and she was surprised she couldn't feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She had nothing to say. All she wanted was for the morning to come.
"It's an eight hour drive there," Leeteuk said after about thirty seconds of silence. "Since it's already late, I suggest we drive until we, or well, I, am too tired to continue, and then we find a place to park the car and sleep in it. Or would you feel more comfortable if we found a motel or something?"
Sooyoung shook her head numbly. "The car is fine."
"Okay. Then in the morning, I call Hyukjae to prepare them, and then we drive the last part of the way. I'll catch up with Hyukjae and my brother, and you get to see Hyoyeon again. Sound good?"
Sooyoung closed her eyes, swallowing heavily. "You have no idea," she said. "You really have no idea."
Leeteuk laughed. "No, you're probably right about that. But you can relax now, Soo. Everything's okay. She's alright."
"I don't think I can believe it until I see her," she breathed. "It still seems too good to be true."
But she couldn't deny the way her heart seemed to skip every second beat as she pulled out her cellphone from her pocket to contact the girls. Hyoyeon was back. She would see her within a matter of hours. Maybe she would even come home again. And Sooyoung felt like she had never entertained a thought so beautiful before.
Jessica woke up at three a.m. She had had the energy to move to the bedroom at some point during the night, which she felt most clearly from how her back didn't ache. At this point, she thought to herself with a chuckle, she was thankful for any part of her that didn't hurt.
She grabbed her phone from beside her on the bed at the same time as she reached up to move her hair out of her face, and she noticed her hair and forehead was sticky with sweat. Nightmares, she assumed. She couldn't remember them. How much had she even slept? 10 minutes? 40 minutes? 2 hours?
Her phone had one unread message, but it wasn't new. She had received it hours earlier, but seeing as it was from Sunny, she hadn't wanted to open it until now.
Sender: Sunny
Recipient: Jessica
taeyeon, yoona and i are sleeping in the waiting room tonight. are you okay? still here if you need me.
Jessica closed it as soon as she had read it and threw the phone back down on the bed. Then she turned over, burying her face in the sheets, trying to will herself to go back to sleep, even though it seemed futile.
Because at some point during the night, she had come to a decision. It seemed obvious now, and she wondered why she hadn't reached this conclusion months ago, maybe even before this whole thing had even started. She wanted to call both Yuri and Sunny at once to tell them what she had decided, but it was late. And she was scared. She knew that her feelings weren't the only ones that were running wild right now, so maybe it was better to wait a while. Just a few days, until things had calmed down. Until Seohyun had woken up and proven them all right, until maybe, just maybe, her choice wouldn't hurt quite as much.
Though, that was probably a naive thought, wasn't it?
A/N:
Just like I left an A/N at a previous chapter saying "the reason why I kept going on about Siwon", chapter 32 is the reason why I kept going on about Leeteuk, too, haha. It's a long time ago now, though. Let's just say I'm learning so freaking much while writing this monster (which is closing in on 500 freaking pages, btw). Thank you for still reading it.
Chapter 33