Line 49 (Chapter 19)
Title: Line 49
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 8,524
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
Chapter 10: "I found something that moved me."
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."
Chapter 12: "If it helps you, it's not a waste."
Chapter 13: "I'm going crazy thinking about her."
Chapter 14: "I-- I want to be with you too."
Chapter 15: "And what if there are no solutions?"
Chapter 16: "Will you go out with me?"
Chapter 17: "So I'll have to marry you before you finish telling me this story?"
Chapter 18: "Oh, Taeyeon... It changes everything."
Hyoyeon woke up late on Saturday morning, still with the heavy weight of her conversation with Hankyung from the night before. She sat up on her top bunk, blinking away the tiredness and confusion out of her eyes. The room seemed almost dark, but that couldn't be right, could it? It couldn't be that late.
She dragged herself down the little ladder down to the floor, landing with an uncomfortable thud. It seemed to her that her entire body was aching, not without reason, she thought; when was the last time she had something proper to eat? She didn't worry too much about it, though, but just turned around to see if Hankyung or Heechul were there and they could go out to find more money or food.
But the bottom bunk was empty. Hyoyeon noted it with a hollow sense of despair, but why did the view of the neatly made bed feel so horrible? They had probably decided that Hyoyeon needed her sleep and just gone out for a bit. It wasn't uncommon at all.
But as her eyes were drawn to the foot of the bed, she noticed a few bills and a small stack of coins, placed neatly beside three red, small flowers. Extending a shaky hand, she picked one of them up.
And she knew, what she supposed she had known since she woke up no more than a minute earlier, that Hankyung and Heechul had taken only what they needed, and left. Enough for a bus ticket? Two? She didn't know how far away they lived, and she didn't know how much money they had had. They all split what the received while singing on the street, and after that everyone took care of their own stash. Possibly bought the others something when they were almost out.
And how stupid that was, Hyoyeon thought. If she had really wanted to keep them by her side, she would have kept track, but she hadn't. And now they had left. How did she know that? No, she didn't even know. The world had changed while she was asleep, the room was darker, emptier, and with a dark vibration through her body, she realized that without Hankyung and Heechul, she was dying. Being with them was the last trace of belonging to someone, to a family, and now she would never see them again.
She sat down on the bed, staring down at the floor with that one flower in her hand. They had left without a word. Without a goodbye. She tried to be, but she wasn't angry. It was understandable. Goodbyes could be difficult, and it wasn't like it had come with absolutely no warning, but...
She didn't cry. She remained at the side of the bed, she didn't know for how long, feeling the end of her life pulsating closer, inch by inch.
When Taeyeon finally arrived at Sooyoung's apartment, the cold was starting to get to her. It wasn't too bad yet, but she really, really wished she'd been wearing anything but her dress. People had stared at her as she passed them on her way, and their stares told her more about how much they were judging her than she'd wanted to know.
But, of course, that wasn't the main problem where she stood outside the door to Sooyoung's apartment building. She didn't have a key. She didn't have a key, and Sooyoung's apartment was on the third floor. So what else was there for her to do, but sit down and wait for somebody to open the door for her?
She sank down beside the door, wincing as the skirt of her dress slid up and her thighs met with the cold stone steps. Her phone alerted her again of the sinking battery level, and the sound made her want to cry, despite feeling all cried out from the morning and the night before. If nobody called her soon... Who knew how long she would have to wait. And where in the name of hell had Sooyoung disappeared off to? Had she gone to see Sunny? When would she come home? Would she come home at all that day?
She had just closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall to try and calm herself down when her phone rang. The sound startled her and shot a wave of cold surprise through her body before it was replaced by warm relief, and she hurried to check the caller ID and was prepared to throw herself at the 'answer' button when her heart seemed to stop and her feelings froze in her chest.
Tiffany
The irony of her life was blatant and annoying in an almost amusing way. Taeyeon stared at the screen, unable to do anything but chuckle quietly with a voice that was tired from crying. How many times could Tiffany have called her, and it would have brought her indescribable joy, if only mixed with extreme anxiety? How many times? So why did she have to call right then?
The light of the display went out as the last of her battery was drained. Taeyeon laughed. It all seemed to fit so perfectly, with Tiffany once again ruining her chances of being saved. So now there was nothing for her to do but lean her head against the wall, close her eyes and wait until Sooyoung would come home. Perfect. Just perfect.
Sooyoung, if you don't get back soon I'm going to personally put my hands around your neck and strangle you.
Yoona woke up with a lost sense of time sometime on Saturday morning. She was in her room, in her bed, she knew that much, but it was different from waking up on a normal day. It took her a few trembling moments for her to realize it, but eventually she remembered that the reason for her feelings was the warmth of Seohyun's body beside her. The younger girl was lying on her back with her hair in a mess, her mouth slightly open, breathing slowly but heavily. Yoona wanted to move closer and wrap her arms around Seohyun's t-shirt covered shoulders, but in fear of waking her up, she remained by her side, observing calmly as her chest rose and sank in peaceful sleep.
She dimly noted the sunlight fighting against the closed curtains by the window, and right in that moment she felt more blessed than ever before. A sleepy, absent-minded happiness flowed through her, and the least drowsy part of her mind wished she could make the moment last forever.
Laying one of her hands on top of Seohyun’s, which was resting right by her side, she closed her eyes and let sleep drag her back into dream land once more.
The next time she opened her eyes, not knowing whether she had been asleep or awake, Seohyun was stirring, moving over on her side to face Yoona with a silent yawn, hair falling down over her face. Yoona grinned, unable to stop herself, and carefully removed a stray of hair from the younger's face. Seohyun opened her eyes.
The way she opened them only narrowly made them seem dark, black, thoughtless, but even that was adorable to Yoona. Seohyun stared at her for a moment with a furrowed brow, before stretching and giving another yawn.
"Good morning," Yoona said, almost smugly. Seohyun stared at her through one eye opened, one eye closed.
"What time is it?" she asked hoarsely, looking towards the window for a hint.
Yoona shrugged. "I don't know. Doesn't matter." She didn't bother to look towards her nightstand, as they had both left their cellphones downstairs the night before. Yoona's cellphone served as her alarm clock, so she didn't have a substitute.
Seohyun gave a long, drawn-out groan that sounded a suspicious lot like purring, and crawled in close to Yoona, burying her face in her neck. Yoona laughed, both from Seohyun's cuteness, her warm breath on her neck and the way her messy hair tickled at her face. She threw an arm over her back, squeezing her gently closer, and used her other hand to flatten out Seohyun's bed hair. "You should go back to sleep," she whispered. Her breath got caught in her throat as Seohyun pressed a warm kiss to her neck.
"No," the younger whispered back, continuing to place kisses between her words, "not when I know you're awake. Then I would rather be awake with you." Her tongue met with Yoona's skin for a short moment as it shot out to wet her lips. Yoona shuddered, and Seohyun's lips once again pressed against her neck in a long kiss. "I don't want to waste any time."
Yoona closed her eyes and tried to focus; the treatment was starting to make her a bit too comfortable, and she didn't want to rush the other girl into anything. She caressed her back carefully. "So you think sleeping in my arms is a waste of time, do you?" she asked, teasing.
"Mm, no, but..." Seohyun shook her head slowly. "How long can I stay today?"
Yoona thought for a bit, and the answer appeared in her mind immediately. "As long as you possibly can and want to." Seohyun's smile was obvious against her skin, and her hold on Yoona's waist tightened.
"When did you say your parents were coming home?"
"Not until tomorrow. Sometime at noon."
"Then..." Seohyun pulled back to look into Yoona's eyes. Yoona mourned the loss of warmth. "Is it okay if I stay until tomorrow? I promise to get up really early and be gone before they come home, and..."
"They already know you're here," Yoona said, interrupting Seohyun's ramble with a laugh. "You don't have to do that, I'm happy if you want to stay until tomorrow." Leaning in, she placed a kiss on the tip of Seohyun's nose. The latter smiled, somewhat embarrassed.
"I just thought... you would want to be on the safe side."
"My safe side is wherever you are," Yoona said, attempting a wink.
Seohyun wrinkled her nose. "That was cheesy."
Shaking her head, Yoona laughed. "I may not be really ready for them to know just yet, but I'm not ashamed of you." She pushed her fingers through Seohyun's hair, and felt the ever present need to protect boil up again. It frightened her a little. "Besides, they wouldn't figure anything out just from seeing us together. For all they know, we're just friends."
Seohyun nodded then, with a tilted smile that wasn't exactly happy, and Yoona knew what it meant. Hiding their relationship wasn't something she enjoyed, but for now, it was all she could do. Seohyun was the same with her own parents, so she knew the other girl wouldn't hold it against her.
"We should go to the store and get some food that's not that hard to cook," Yoona said with a slight laugh. "But not until after I've made you breakfast." Seohyun narrowed her eyes at her. "What?" Yoona asked.
"Do I dare? After yesterday?" the younger asked, and Yoona's mouth fell open.
"What?!" she asked, leaning away from the other girl on her elbows. "You said I did okay!"
"Mm," Seohyun said with a guilty smile.
"You said it tasted good!"
"Mm," Seohyun repeated, shrugging.
Yoona mumbled unintelligible words, making to get out of bed to find some band aids for her wounded pride when Seohyun grabbed her arm tightly. "I am just kidding," she said, laughing hysterically. "It came out wonderfully... in the end. You're just so cute when you get excited."
Wiping her goofy smile off her face before turning back to face Seohyun, Yoona let herself get pulled back into bed. "I may not be a master chef, but I make the world's best toast," she said, lying down on her back. Seohyun and draped herself over the other girl, resting her head on her shoulder. "You laugh now, but just wait and see. Your mind will be blown."
"I'm sure it will," Seohyun sighed contentedly. "You are amazing." One of her hands started wandering slowly over Yoona's stomach, tracing lazy circles around her bellybutton. The tingles it sent in every direction of Yoona's body made her fight for breath again. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her nerves, but every touch of the other girl's slim fingers sent her emotions spiraling further, and she knew that in Seohyun's position, she would easily be able to feel her racing heart. She rolled over, and forced Seohyun to do the same, leaning on her elbow and looking down at the younger girl.
"What?" Seohyun said, looking up at Yoona through big, beautiful eyes. Yoona shook her head, gave in to her desires and leaned down, pressing her lips firmly against Seohyun's. Moving closer, she positioned herself on top of the younger, her hands finding Seohyun's waist in a tight grip. Seohyun lay motionless under her for a second before responding to the kiss, hands trailing from Yoona's back up to the back of her head to finally curl an arm behind Yoona's neck, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Feeling Seohyun's eager response, Yoona let her hands start moving slowly up and down Seohyun's sides, feeling her ribs but forcing herself to keep some sense of self-control, repeating to herself over and over to stay calm and not do anything she might regret, but a slight moan still managed to escape her lips, and Seohyun pulled away.
"What? What's wrong?" Yoona asked, not moving from her position, worry swirling up as Seohyun seemed unwilling to meet her gaze.
"Nothing, I just..." She mumbled, her gaze fixed at a spot over by the door. Yoona mentally kicked herself; how stupid was she for trying something on their first day together when, according to Sooyoung's words, Yoona was Seohyun's first girlfriend?
"Tell me," Yoona said softly, placing a careful hand underneath Seohyun's chin and forcing her to look up at her.
Seohyun did so, and the nervous look in her eyes told Yoona everything she needed to know. "It's just... what exactly are you expecting?" she whispered, and Yoona's heart broke a little.
"Nothing more than you are willing to give," she hurried, stroking Seohyun's cheek slowly. "I won't rush you into anything, Seohyun, I promise." She moved off Seohyun, as if to prove her point, and moved her hand to play with Seohyun's hair. The younger gave her a sad, scrutinizing look for a few moments before she nodded.
"I just don't want anything to go wrong or feel strange between us," she said. "And I want to be able to be honest with you."
"You can," Yoona nodded. "Always."
"I want it to feel right, and... I don't think I'm ready." Seohyun seemed to wait nervously for Yoona's reply, and Yoona just shook her head with a gentle smile.
"That's fine, Seohyunnie," she said, taking the other girl's hand in hers. "I'm just happy to be around you." And despite how her want for Seohyun seemed to grow with every second they spent together, she knew it was true. Sure, she'd live in a constant state of sexual frustration until the time was right, but she knew, with all her heart, that it was better that way.
Seohyun smiled at her, and Yoona was happy to see how her nervousness seemed to melt away. "I hope you can be honest with me, too, so it's not just me telling you all my troubles, and you keeping everything to yourself."
I've been in love with you since the first time we spoke Yoona thought, but didn't say. "Of course. I really like you," she said instead, "and I don't want to mess this up. I understand that if it's your first time, it can be a bit..." She looked for a way to finish her sentence, but ended up shrugging when she couldn't find the words.
Seohyun gave her an almost disbelieving smile. "It's... not my first time."
Yoona widened her eyes. "It's not?"
"No," Seohyun said, shaking her head. "I've had a boyfriend before."
"You had a what?" Yoona repeated, trying not to look too surprised.
Seohyun laughed, a laugh that further removed the weight of Yoona's mistake from her heart. "A boyfriend," she repeated, "but when you say it like that, it sounds like a pet."
Yoona laughed along, perplexed. "Uh... Sooyoung made it sound like you hadn't been together with anyone."
Seohyun rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue in irritation. "Sooyoung doesn't know," she said, and was that a hint of a smirk Yoona saw on her face? "Only Sunny knows."
"Why didn't you tell them?" Yoona asked, truly curious.
"I was going to," Seohyun replied after a moment of hesitation. "But things happened before I was able to, and then... I was afraid they would judge me."
Yoona's heart sank. "What things?"
Seohyun bit down on her bottom lip, seemingly in deep consideration of what she should say. Her fingers started playing with Yoona's hand, and Yoona was happy to be Seohyun's anti-stress toy. "Well... like I said, I slept with him," she said carefully. "But... it wasn't entirely consensual."
"What?" Yoona said, her mind blank; she tried not to think, as the thought seemed to burn a hole in her head.
"It wasn't..." Seohyun began, but stopped to take a deep breath. "He didn't force me. He just said he wanted us to have sex, and I was too young to understand that I had the right to say no."
Yoona let go of her hand and sat up on the bed. "Seohyun, I'm so sorry, if I had known, I would never have..."
"It's fine," Seohyun cut her off, and Yoona was amazed to see that there was not a trace of tears in her eyes. "It happened when I was fourteen, I'm mostly alright. That's not the reason why I'm not ready for us to sleep together," she continued with an apologetic smile. "It's just too soon. I'm only telling you this because I think you should know." Yoona stared at her, unable to find her words. Why was she so surprised that something so horrible had happened to Seohyun? Because she had seemed okay? Was that ever anything to go by, how people seem? Seohyun had always been different, but that was the way her personality was. "You're too far away," Seohyun stated, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You have to come here and cuddle me."
Yoona hurried to scoot closer and placed a hand on Seohyun's stomach, but remained in her sitting position. She stared stroking Seohyun's hair again, and the younger girl closed her eyes. It was strange, she thought, how it was an action that was supposed to calm Seohyun, but always ended up calming Yoona, too. Just feeling her underneath her fingers. And as she sat there and watched as Seohyun's eyelashes fluttered, it hit her; she had fallen so much deeper than she thought initially, and Seohyun was so much more than what her eyes could take in.
"You're so strong," Yoona whispered, and Seohyun opened her eyes, still tearless. She didn't reply, but just met Yoona's gaze, put a hand on her thigh and smiled a weak smile of thanks.
Yoona looked away eventually, not wanting to show how creepy the intensity of her feelings was. "But you went through all this without telling anyone, because you thought your friends would judge if you told them?" She said, changing the subject slightly, but still not able to leave it completely.
"Yes."
"Do you still think they would judge you?" Yoona questioned. "I mean, Sooyoung and Taeyeon are both great, as far as I know." She gave a sad smile.
Seohyun returned it. "No, I don't think they would judge me," she said, "but so many years have passed, I feel like it's too late now."
"I just don't understand how it's possible," Yoona said carefully, "that they never noticed that something was wrong."
Seohyun gave a slight laugh. "They are people. People are mostly oblivious, I guess, and Sooyoung and Taeyeon are the epitome of oblivious people."
Yoona frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, for example," Seohyun said, and yes, now it was definitely a smirk, "Taeyeon keeps asking me things about Tiffany thinking I won't understand that she is completely, crazily in love with her."
Yoona's jaw dropped. "Taeyeon likes Tiffany?"
"Without a shadow of a doubt," Seohyun nodded. Yoona tried to attach her thoughts to this new information, and she was happy for Tiffany's sake, who'd been single much longer than her love-deficiency could allow. But in the end, her thoughts could not stray very far from Seohyun, and the horrible things she'd been through.
"Do you think you will ever tell them?"
Seohyun's smile changed and Yoona knew instinctively that it wasn't real. "Perhaps," she said, tilting her head. "Probably not. And that is okay."
Yoona nodded, supposing a confession like that wasn't something you just spewed out. Still, she was somehow terrified that the mistake she had made earlier would taint Seohyun's trust for her, so she took her hand again, squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry," she said again, knowing it made no difference.
"You really don't have to apologize-"
"I would never do anything to hurt you." Yoona's voice broke as she pushed the words out of her mouth, emotion overwhelming her. Why was the world such a horrible place? Why did awful things keep happening to good people, people who were loved? And why was it such a cruel lottery, the effect people's experience would have on them? Seohyun seemed to have pulled through her hardships, while Sungmin's life changed beyond recognition from his. Why?
"I am fine, Yoona," Seohyun said, squeezing Yoona's hand. "You don't have to protect me. I'm good."
"No, see," Yoona began, "that's why I have to protect you. So you don't ever have to become anything other than 'good'."
Seohyun seemed to consider her words for a moment before nodding. "Okay. But don't let us become like you and Sungmin; don't forget about yourself."
Yoona nodded, wondering why her words of advice made her so scared. Deciding that her relationship with Seohyun would be different than her friendship with Sungmin, she leaned down and pressed a careful kiss to Seohyun's lips.
"Let's get up now before we accidentally spend all day in bed," Seohyun said when they pulled apart, patting Yoona's knee.
"Explain to me how that's a bad thing."
Taeyeon may have fallen asleep where she was sitting. The exhaustion, anxiety and cold worked together to pull her into a slumber, and when she woke up it was with a horrible ache in her neck and a cold that seemed to seep into her very bones.
It wasn't late, though, she decided by how the sun was still out, beaming but not fully getting through the cold air. A car door slammed somewhere on the parking lot, and Taeyeon realized with a muddled surprise what it was that had woken her up; somebody had driven into the parking lot, which meant this someone could probably let her into the stairwell. She hurried up on her feet and pulled her dress down as far as it could go on her thighs. It didn't help much, and she desperately wished she had something to wrap herself in.
Taeyeon waited anxiously for the newly arrived person to walk around the corner and into her view. Whoever it was, as long as they weren't put off by her clothes and...
Her world began to spin and blur around the edges, and for the first time in her life she thought she was going to faint. But of course, she thought - why was she so surprised? Wasn't this perfectly in line with the way her life was going?
As she walked up to the door where Taeyeon was standing and desperately tugging at the bottom her dress, Tiffany's hair glistened in the sunlight. For the first time, Taeyeon paid no attention to the beauty of it. Neither did her attraction to the other girl seem pleasant or in any way positive; the only thing that brewed in the pit of her stomach right then was fear. Fear that stretched from her stomach to the back of her throat, unexplainable, undeniable, unhelpable. That girl was dangerous - she was the main reason why Taeyeon's life lay in pieces around her feet.
Tiffany didn't look up to see Taeyeon standing there until she was only a few meters away. Her face showed surprise, which almost immediately turned into worry when she noticed her pale skin and red eyes.
"Taeyeon," she said, stopping her steps for a moment. "Hi! What are you doing here?"
Taeyeon's lips felt numb and dry as she tried to smile. "I'm here to see Sooyoung." Wasn't that obvious?
"Is she not home?" Tiffany asked, taking the final steps up to the door, much to Taeyeon's horror. She backed away, hoping that it would somehow prevent the younger girl from seeing her outfit, but it was a lost cause. Tiffany's eyes widened as she scanned Taeyeon from top to bottom. "Wow, Taeyeon," she said, "you look gorgeous! What's the occasion?"
Taeyeon coughed in response, helplessly covering her thighs with her hands and shivering from how cold they were. "No, she's not home," she said quietly, "and thanks."
Tiffany moved to stand in front of the door, but her eyes didn't leave Taeyeon's face. "Is everything okay?" she asked cautiously.
"Fine," Taeyeon hurried dismissively. "What are you doing here?"
Tiffany eyed her suspiciously for a few moments longer. "I need to talk to Sooyoung too," she said with a smile. "But she won't pick up her phone."
"No, I noticed," Taeyeon said, finally giving up her attempts to cover herself. It didn't seem like Tiffany was particularly interested in looking at her either way, so what was the point? "So what, you just... decided to drive out to her apartment because she didn't pick up her phone?" she continued, hearing her voice home out hoarse and stern and knowing she was coming off as incredibly rude. It didn't matter.
"It's pretty urgent," Tiffany said, her smile turning sad. "I tried calling you, too... Thinking maybe you knew where she was."
"Oh," Taeyeon dead-panned, holding up the phone in her hand. "Sorry. No battery."
"Oh... that's okay," Tiffany said, leaning her back against the door and looking down. Taeyeon noted how careful she suddenly sounded and the way she seemed so sad, and despite having vowed herself not to ever think about Tiffany again, she couldn't help but feel curious. What could be so urgent that Tiffany couldn't wait for Sooyoung's call at home? And what would it take for her to stop caring?
"Anyway, I don't know where she is," she said, she too leaning against the wall beside the door. "So..."
"Well, I'll just wait here with you then," Tiffany said, smiling up at Taeyeon. "So neither of us will have to be so bored."
Taeyeon nodded but didn't say anything. Feeling her feet give way underneath her, she slid down wall into a crouching position, the skirt of her dress sliding up further. "Great," she said under her breath, not bothering to fix it.
"So..." Tiffany said, following Taeyeon's example and sitting down. "How come you're here, and not waiting for her to call you at home?"
Taeyeon did her best to look unaffected, but anger coursed through her body, mixing with the cold, and she felt herself tremble. "What I need her for is also kind of urgent," she bit out, not looking at the other girl. Tears welled up in her eyes, seemingly from nowhere. She knew that if Tiffany kept prying, she had no idea what to say. Despite her lifetime of practice, she wasn't a good liar.
She didn't look, but she saw out of the corner of her eye how Tiffany nodded slowly, looking down to her lap. Taeyeon blinked furiously to get the tears out of her eyes, and then Tiffany spoke again. "Taeyeon, it's obvious you're not okay. What's wrong?"
Taeyeon bit down hard on her lip. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."
Tiffany sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But if you need something, anything, know that I'm here for you, okay?" Taeyeon felt her intense gaze from her side, and she closed her eyes, willing the tears to go away, her heart breaking. "It's just... Ever since this whole thing with Sooyoung and Hyoyeon, I can tell that you're a really good person. The way you care for her is... You're incredible. So if there's any way for me to help you, please let me. Alright?" Taeyeon looked down, opening her eyes but not daring to blink in fear of the tears falling. They had filled up her eyes entirely, blurring her surroundings. "So I'll just ask you one more time," Tiffany continued, sighing deeply. "Are you okay?"
Unable to do anything else, Taeyeon let the tears pour. She buried her face in her arms, for a moment forgetting her exposed state, and sobbed hysterically. Just thinking of the question Tiffany posed made her heart ache desperately: she was not okay. Not even close. And how could she be? She was a freak, a freak whose own mother didn't want her.
"Oh, sweetie," Tiffany said, immediately hurrying over to Taeyeon's side, putting an arm over her shoulder. Taeyeon jerked away from the touch of Tiffany's warm hand against her cold shoulder, and in her state of calm hysteria she used all her strength to push her away.
"Please, Taeyeon," Tiffany said, grabbing Taeyeon's hands and holding them down firmly, "it's okay. Just let me be there for you."
And there was something in Tiffany's voice, the fact that it wasn't a demand, but a plea, a plea filled with tears of her own, and that was what won Taeyeon over. She relaxed her hand, hating how warm Tiffany felt next to her, absently realizing that that was the closest they had ever been to each other, and wanting nothing more but for Tiffany to take her face into her hands, kiss her, do whatever she wanted to her, if she could only want her. But she knew that those thoughts were the reason she was out there right then, outside Sooyoung's door when all of her friends seemed to have abandoned her, and all she was left with was the object of her passion, the reason for her damnation.
"My mother... kicked me out," she choked out. "She kicked me out of the apartment."
"What?" Tiffany breathed. Taeyeon kept her eyes squeezed shut, but she could imagine the appalled look on the other girl's beautiful face. "Why? What happened? Did you guys have a fight?"
Taeyeon shook her head, thought for a moment, and then nodded. "She asked me never to come back." And with that, another wave of tears broke through her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. The word seemed to ring truer now that she'd spoken them out loud, given them real life. The memory of her mother saying those words to her already seemed muddled and torn around the edges. It had all happened so quickly.
Tiffany kept silent, and just pulled Taeyeon into her arms where they sat, swaying from side to side as Taeyeon's sobs shook their bodies and eventually decreased in intensity.
"You know," Tiffany tried after a few moments, pulling back slightly, "people say all sorts of horrible things in the heat of the moment." She put a hand underneath Taeyeon's chin and tilted her head up, and for a short, horrible and exhilarating moment, Taeyeon thought she was going to kiss her. Instead, she just looked into Taeyeon's eyes sadly, her gaze full of sympathy and concern, sure, but without a trace of special affection. "Maybe you can work it out."
Taeyeon tried to think it over, but again the conversation with Stephanie that her mother had overheard flashed through her mind in a millisecond, and she moved her head away from Tiffany's careful hands. That familiar ache in her stomach came back at full force. "No," she said, surprised that she could at all use her voice anymore, tired as it may have sounded. "She hates something about me... that's not going to change."
The air tensed as Taeyeon wondered anxiously whether or not Tiffany would ask the question, and she couldn't make herself look at the other girl. She wasn't going to risk telling Tiffany the reason why she was thrown out, no, absolutely not now. Logic's small voice spoke up somewhere inside her and told her that since Tiffany's two best friends, Jessica and Yuri, were both lesbians, she probably wasn't a homophobe. But it didn't matter. When it came to Taeyeon it was different, and it would always be different. Especially since neither Jessica nor Yuri seemed to have pathetic, moon-eyed crushes on her, like Taeyeon did.
"...What is it?" Tiffany asked at last. Taeyeon shook her head, the ever-present fear rising up inside of her again. She tried to pry Tiffany's arm off her shoulders, but Tiffany refused. "It's okay," she said, "you don't have to tell me." She tried to mask a sigh. "So this is why you're here? You're waiting for Sooyoung to take you in?" Taeyeon nodded, still not facing Tiffany's gaze. "How long have you waited for? You're freezing."
"I don't know," Taeyeon replied, shaking her head. "Like I said, my phone battery is dead."
Suddenly Tiffany stood up and held out her hand for Taeyeon to take it. "You're coming home with me."
Taeyeon stared up at her in disbelief. "What?"
"You need a place to stay," Tiffany said matter-of-factly. "I have one."
"Uh..." Taeyeon said, remaining down on the floor, not taking the hand she was offered. "I, uh... I just thought I'd ask Sooyoung..."
"Come on," Tiffany whined, jumping up and down on the spot. "It won't be so bad! You can even have your own room at my place." Taeyeon laughed nervously, shaking her head. "Come on, please?"
"I... just really don't want to be a burden," the older of the two said carefully. "I mean, I have no money. I couldn't pay you anything." The tears had stopped flowing down her cheeks from pure shock.
"Psh," Tiffany said, dismissing her words with a wave. "You wouldn't be. It would be amazing! I get so lonely living on my own." She put on her best angel face and blinked a few times in Taeyeon's direction.
"Uhm," Taeyeon repeated. "I... I don't know..."
Tiffany snorted impatiently. "I understand if you'd rather live with your best friend," she said, gesturing towards the door, "but let's just start by going home to my place, just until Sooyoung calls. Then we'll take it from there. Sound good?"
Taeyeon took one look at Tiffany's pleading face and her extended hand, and decided she couldn't come up with a reason not to go with her. Nothing that wouldn't hurt her feelings, at least.
"Okay." She took Tiffany's hand and let her help her up on her feet, and for a second she noted how Tiffany's eyes lingered on her bare, pale legs and her short skirt. Her face felt warm, and she knew a blush was fighting its way over her cheeks, so she pulled her fingers through her messy hair in an attempt to straighten it out and hide her face as much as possible.
"Yay!" Tiffany said, throwing an arm over Taeyeon's shoulders again as they walked together towards Tiffany's car on the parking lot. Her legs felt numb and her feet were both asleep, and for a moment she feared they wouldn't be able to carry her and the added weight of Tiffany's arm around her, but she forced herself to keep walking. She couldn't think of many things that seemed like as much of tempting the fates as going to Tiffany's home, just the two of them, but she felt as though she didn't have a choice. How could she say no to those eyes and their little half-moon shapes? How?
And despite how scared she was, how absolutely and completely terrified she was, she couldn't push out the feeling of excitement and infatuated anxiety at being alone with the other girl.
Which was exactly what she wasn't supposed to be feeling.
Would it have been a normal day, Taeyeon's heart would probably have beaten so hard spots would dance around her eyes when she walked into Tiffany's living room, but not that day. Sure, being around Tiffany still made her nervous, but she realized with a stinging embarrassment that normally, the nervousness would have come from the minor, impossible possibility that she would have a chance with her.
Right then, it was the last thing she wanted. So that day's nervousness was born purely from Tiffany's beauty, and a desperate wish to not make a fool of herself in her company. Which, for Taeyeon, seemed like trying to avoid breathing.
"So," Tiffany said with a warm smile, "make yourself at home."
Taeyeon nodded, a stiff grimace covering her face, and sank down on the chaise longue. "Thanks." Silent tears were still running down her cheeks.
"First of all, we need to figure some stuff out," the younger girl continued. Taeyeon's mind was a blur. Was this really happening? Was she really sitting in Tiffany's living room, alone, talking?
"What do you mean?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"How long do you think you can stay?" Tiffany asked, and Taeyeon frowned a little. "I mean... Not like that, but... Do you think you and your mother will be able to solve your fight anytime soon?" she corrected herself. Taeyeon tried to not let the tears pour harder, not understanding what was happening.
"Doubt it," she said quietly. She tried not to let on just how utterly and completely smashed apart she felt, but from the look in Tiffany's eyes, it was obvious.
"Okay, well... We should get to the store and get you some things you like to eat," Tiffany said, still with her bright smile. "And the shampoo you use and so on."
Taeyeon squirmed. "No, really, it's not necessary, I should just wait until Sooyoung calls back and then -"
"Please, Taeyeon," Tiffany begged, inching closer to her on the couch. Fortunately for Taeyeon, she was still at least a meter and a half away, so it was easy for her to avert her eyes. "See it as charity for a lonely person," Tiffany said, fluttering her eyelashes. "Please?"
Feeling more like a burden than she ever had before, Taeyeon relented, nodding her head sadly. "Alright."
"I promise you I won't annoy you," Tiffany said softly. "It won't be so bad. We can watch movies and TV-series and eat ice cream and... You can use my computer and I can sit quietly in a corner and not be annoying."
Taeyeon couldn't help but chuckle. "Sounds okay," she said, touched by Tiffany's care for her, and somehow still furious with her for the same reason.
Tiffany nodded enthusiastically. "TV-series marathons are the best for emotional distress," she said matter-of-factly. "Do you have a particular one you like?"
"Uh," Taeyeon said, wondering what she could say that wouldn't make Tiffany see her as a complete dork. Realizing she didn't have the strength to lie, she decided to settle for the truth. "I like Buffy."
"Classic," Tiffany said with a wide smile. "Funny and distracting, but at the same time the emotion and tragedy of it all helps you work through you own baggage." Taeyeon tried on a smile, but it still felt too unnatural on her face. "Have you seen "Angel"?”
"The spin-off?" Taeyeon asked, wiping the pool of tears that had collected on her jaw. "No, I've only watched until early season four of "Buffy", so..."
"What?!" Tiffany exclaimed, scooting even closer to Taeyeon. "Then the best is yet to come! It's an essential part of any Buffy fan's life. We've got to have a marathon. I still have the DVDs around here somewhere."
Taeyeon laughed, mostly because of how Tiffany's enthusiasm was infectious, and how could she be excited about TV-series when she had just been kicked out of her own home? When she had lost everything? "Let's," she said, because even if it wasn't her top priority at the moment, it would give them something to do, something where silence was allowed. It lessened the risk of her embarrassing herself, and really, any more humiliation would be too much for her heart to handle.
"It'll be great," Tiffany said again, voice soft and testing. "We'll be lazy, watch TV and eat deliciously - and by deliciously I mean candy - until your mother comes to her senses. Alright?"
Taeyeon looked down to her lap, but nodded. And if she never does? she wanted to ask, but didn't dare. There was no answer. "Alright."
"Let's go to the store tomorrow," Tiffany continued. "Let's just do nothing for the rest of the day." She patted Taeyeon's thigh lightly, and Taeyeon almost choked on her breath. Her eyes widened, and she fought to hide it the best she could. She nodded frantically, looking away. "Let's get you something else to wear, too," Tiffany continued, standing up and extending her hand to Taeyeon. "As pretty as it is, that dress doesn't look very comfortable."
Discreetly taking a deep breath, Taeyeon took Tiffany's hand and let her pull her up from the couch. She was unsurprised to find that it was warm, smooth and fit perfectly with her own. "Thanks," she mumbled. "I would go home and get my own clothes when my mom isn't home, but I didn't get a chance to bring my keys when..."
"It's alright," Tiffany said, saving her from having to finish her sentence. "I have enough to spare. My stuff might be a little big on you, but... it should be okay."
They climbed the stairs together, and Taeyeon remembered the last time she had done so. Not much time had passed, but everything had changed. Last time, she had sneaked up the steps with Sunny, worrying about Sooyoung and her crush on Hyoyeon; and oh, how their worries hadn't been in vain. Fresh tears made their way down her cheeks. "Thank you," she said from where she was walking behind Tiffany. "I really appreciate it."
Tiffany looked at her over her shoulder and smiled. "Don't mention it. If they're uncomfortably big, maybe you could ask Seohyun for some, or maybe Yoona."
With a sudden start Taeyeon realized that she would have to borrow underwear from Tiffany as well - she would have to wear Tiffany's underwear. The world sure was cruel... She laughed through her tears and felt her cheeks warm up. "Yeah, I should set up a charity," she said, and Tiffany laughed along. "Get all eight of you to contribute something."
A beat, and then she could see Tiffany's figure jerk out of rhythm with her body, as they both realized Taeyeon had included Hyoyeon in the group. Her heart ached further, but she knew that if she would have excluded the lost girl, acknowledged that she wasn't here, it would have hurt more.
Tiffany's bedroom was, like she had expected, neat and tidy. She sent up a silent thanks to the skies that Tiffany seemed to be a neat freak; she wouldn't survive living with anyone else. God knew she had a hard time staying with Sooyoung at times. She had even cleaned her room on several occasions, while the taller girl lay on her bed and rolled her eyes at Taeyeon's antics.
"I think my charger should fit your phone," Tiffany said, picking up said device from the floor next to her bed. "This one, yeah?" she asked, throwing it over to Taeyeon, who barely caught it.
"Yes, thank you," Taeyeon said, plugging it in the wall before starting it up. She was not surprised to see she had zero missed calls and zero new messages.
Tiffany walked over to her closet and motioned for Taeyeon to follow. As expected, the inside was also organized, with shirts, sweaters, skirts and dresses on hangers, pants on a shelf below, and a last drawer at the bottom, which probably held socks and things Taeyeon didn't want to think about. "Let's see," Tiffany said, quickly rummaging through her hanging sweaters. Eventually, she picked out a purple one, and a pair of jeans from the shelf below. "Here you go," Tiffany said, handing them over to Taeyeon. "I've had numerous wars with the button on those jeans, so they should be okay for you." Taeyeon smiled stiffly. "And oh, right," Tiffany said, turning back to the closet and pulling the bottom drawer out. Taeyeon widened her eyes and turned away, feeling the redness rise on her cheeks again.
"Oh, uhm..." she said, wanting to say something to ease the tension, but from seeing how Tiffany bent down to search through her underwear, Taeyeon was the only one feeling it. After a moment, Tiffany straightened back up and passed Taeyeon a pair of pink socks and an almost matching pair of pink panties. Taeyeon took them without looking at them too much, sure that she had fallen into another dimension of hell while she was sleeping. "Thanks," she mumbled. It came out sounding like a growl, and she would have slapped herself if her hands hadn't been full of Tiffany's underwear, Jesus Christ.
"The whole bra-situation might be a problem," Tiffany said, shifting her weight between her legs with her hand on her chin.
Taeyeon shook her head behind her back. "It's-okay-I'll-just-go-without-for-now," she choked, backing towards the foot of Tiffany's well-made bed and sitting down on the white sheets.
"I'm afraid there's not much choice," Tiffany said. "You should probably ask Yoona or Seohyun, or maybe Sooyoung." Taeyeon wanted to ask since when Tiffany was so sure about the group's chest sizes, but realizing how immensely stupid that was, she kept silent. Tiffany closed the closet doors and turned around to face Taeyeon. "If you want to shower, I'll get you a towel."
Taeyeon shifted her position, glancing around Tiffany's room. "Later, maybe," she said. Anything that put off the time she would have to wear Tiffany's underwear, oh god, was a good thing.
Tiffany nodded in understanding. "Okay. Well, I should go up to the attic and get a mattress. You can take my bed, and I'll sleep on the floor, okay?"
"N-no, Tiffany," Taeyeon argued instantly. "I can't do that to you. This is your home."
"Yes, and you're my guest," Tiffany replied, inching towards the door. "I can't make you sleep on the floor, I don't want to treat you like you're my... slave, or whatever."
Taeyeon spluttered. The images that filled her mind were so inappropriate it was almost funny. Almost. "Believe me," she mustered, "if I was your slave, you... wouldn't let me sleep at all." What? she yelled at her brain, WHAT?! "I'm taking the mattress. That's not up for discussion."
Tiffany puffed her cheeks. "Fine," she said, slouching as she stalked walking slowly towards the door.
"I'll come with you," Taeyeon said, jumping off the bed.
"It's okay," Tiffany said, and was about to continue when Taeyeon's phone started ringing. Taeyeon picked it up the floor, and the caller ID told her it was Sooyoung. Taking her chance, Tiffany sprinted out of the room, and Taeyeon was torn as she picked up her phone and watched as Tiffany disappeared.
"Hello."
"What the hell is happening?" came Sooyoung's exasperated voice.
"I could ask you the same," Taeyeon scoffed. "I thought you and your phone was one entity nowadays."
"My mom took me out to a café, and then we went grocery shopping," Sooyoung explained. "She's the same as you, and she kept bugging me to just leave my phone at home for two hours, so I did. Now tell me, what is going on?"
Taeyeon took a deep breath. "My mom kicked me out."
"Kicked you out? What?" Sooyoung repeated, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Why? What happened?"
"She... found out about me. You know, the thing I told you a few days ago."
"How did she find out?"
"I... can't tell you that much right now," Taeyeon said, lowering her voice.
"Why? Where are you?"
"I'm at Tiffany's," Taeyeon almost whispered. "It seems like I'm going to be staying here for a while."
A pause, as Sooyoung took a deep breath. "Tae, I'm so sorry... is there anything I can do?"
"See if you have any clothes to lend me until I can get my own?" Taeyeon asked, leaning over the bed to see if Tiffany was on her way back anytime soon.
"Sure, of course," Sooyoung said. "Are you okay where you are? Cause you know you can stay with me if you want."
Taeyeon hesitated. She knew she should politely decline Tiffany's hospitality and go to Sooyoung's, that wasn't a question. It didn't make any sense to stay with Tiffany, who was the sin of life. It didn't make any sense to sleep under her sin's roof. But enjoying the company of a good friend, who happened to be a beautiful girl, wasn't a crime, was it? Right. Right?
Ignoring the fact that she knew it was a blatant lie, she said: "it's okay. I'm fine here. Thank you, though. And I will of course continue to come over if you need me."
"Don't be stupid," Sooyoung said, and Taeyeon was about to argue when Tiffany appeared in the doorway, dragging a mattress behind her with a pained expression.
"I'll see you tomorrow in school, Soo," Taeyeon said, getting up to help Tiffany the last few meters. "Text or call me if you need anything."
"I should be the one saying that to you."
Taeyeon was about to say her goodbyes when she remembered what Tiffany had told her outside of Sooyoung's apartment earlier the same day. "Tiffany..." she said hesitantly, "said she needed to talk to you." She looked questioningly at the other girl, who was dragging the mattress to the side of the bed. Tiffany looked back at her in confusion.
"Oh," she said then, when the mattress was in its right position. "That... can wait."
"Okay," Taeyeon said slowly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Soo."
"Sure. Take care."
She hung up and put the phone down beside the alarm clock on the nightstand, now lighter at heart after hearing Sooyoung hadn't been ignoring her. Tiffany adjusted the mattress' position on the floor, and stood up, panting slightly.
"So," she said, stretching her back. "Marathon?"
Taeyeon glanced at the pink panties she had left on the bed. No matter how many embarrassing moments they would have - and had already had - it had to be admitted: Tiffany was the best distraction in the world.
Chapter 20: "What's happening to us?"
A/N: I want to apologize about the last chapter. I got some mixed reactions from it and I think I didn't make the trigger warning clear enough, and I'm sorry about that. I'll be more clear in the future, I promise, and sorry to those I bothered ;;; truly. Thank you guys for sticking with this story.
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 8,524
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
Chapter 10: "I found something that moved me."
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."
Chapter 12: "If it helps you, it's not a waste."
Chapter 13: "I'm going crazy thinking about her."
Chapter 14: "I-- I want to be with you too."
Chapter 15: "And what if there are no solutions?"
Chapter 16: "Will you go out with me?"
Chapter 17: "So I'll have to marry you before you finish telling me this story?"
Chapter 18: "Oh, Taeyeon... It changes everything."
Hyoyeon woke up late on Saturday morning, still with the heavy weight of her conversation with Hankyung from the night before. She sat up on her top bunk, blinking away the tiredness and confusion out of her eyes. The room seemed almost dark, but that couldn't be right, could it? It couldn't be that late.
She dragged herself down the little ladder down to the floor, landing with an uncomfortable thud. It seemed to her that her entire body was aching, not without reason, she thought; when was the last time she had something proper to eat? She didn't worry too much about it, though, but just turned around to see if Hankyung or Heechul were there and they could go out to find more money or food.
But the bottom bunk was empty. Hyoyeon noted it with a hollow sense of despair, but why did the view of the neatly made bed feel so horrible? They had probably decided that Hyoyeon needed her sleep and just gone out for a bit. It wasn't uncommon at all.
But as her eyes were drawn to the foot of the bed, she noticed a few bills and a small stack of coins, placed neatly beside three red, small flowers. Extending a shaky hand, she picked one of them up.
And she knew, what she supposed she had known since she woke up no more than a minute earlier, that Hankyung and Heechul had taken only what they needed, and left. Enough for a bus ticket? Two? She didn't know how far away they lived, and she didn't know how much money they had had. They all split what the received while singing on the street, and after that everyone took care of their own stash. Possibly bought the others something when they were almost out.
And how stupid that was, Hyoyeon thought. If she had really wanted to keep them by her side, she would have kept track, but she hadn't. And now they had left. How did she know that? No, she didn't even know. The world had changed while she was asleep, the room was darker, emptier, and with a dark vibration through her body, she realized that without Hankyung and Heechul, she was dying. Being with them was the last trace of belonging to someone, to a family, and now she would never see them again.
She sat down on the bed, staring down at the floor with that one flower in her hand. They had left without a word. Without a goodbye. She tried to be, but she wasn't angry. It was understandable. Goodbyes could be difficult, and it wasn't like it had come with absolutely no warning, but...
She didn't cry. She remained at the side of the bed, she didn't know for how long, feeling the end of her life pulsating closer, inch by inch.
When Taeyeon finally arrived at Sooyoung's apartment, the cold was starting to get to her. It wasn't too bad yet, but she really, really wished she'd been wearing anything but her dress. People had stared at her as she passed them on her way, and their stares told her more about how much they were judging her than she'd wanted to know.
But, of course, that wasn't the main problem where she stood outside the door to Sooyoung's apartment building. She didn't have a key. She didn't have a key, and Sooyoung's apartment was on the third floor. So what else was there for her to do, but sit down and wait for somebody to open the door for her?
She sank down beside the door, wincing as the skirt of her dress slid up and her thighs met with the cold stone steps. Her phone alerted her again of the sinking battery level, and the sound made her want to cry, despite feeling all cried out from the morning and the night before. If nobody called her soon... Who knew how long she would have to wait. And where in the name of hell had Sooyoung disappeared off to? Had she gone to see Sunny? When would she come home? Would she come home at all that day?
She had just closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall to try and calm herself down when her phone rang. The sound startled her and shot a wave of cold surprise through her body before it was replaced by warm relief, and she hurried to check the caller ID and was prepared to throw herself at the 'answer' button when her heart seemed to stop and her feelings froze in her chest.
Tiffany
The irony of her life was blatant and annoying in an almost amusing way. Taeyeon stared at the screen, unable to do anything but chuckle quietly with a voice that was tired from crying. How many times could Tiffany have called her, and it would have brought her indescribable joy, if only mixed with extreme anxiety? How many times? So why did she have to call right then?
The light of the display went out as the last of her battery was drained. Taeyeon laughed. It all seemed to fit so perfectly, with Tiffany once again ruining her chances of being saved. So now there was nothing for her to do but lean her head against the wall, close her eyes and wait until Sooyoung would come home. Perfect. Just perfect.
Sooyoung, if you don't get back soon I'm going to personally put my hands around your neck and strangle you.
Yoona woke up with a lost sense of time sometime on Saturday morning. She was in her room, in her bed, she knew that much, but it was different from waking up on a normal day. It took her a few trembling moments for her to realize it, but eventually she remembered that the reason for her feelings was the warmth of Seohyun's body beside her. The younger girl was lying on her back with her hair in a mess, her mouth slightly open, breathing slowly but heavily. Yoona wanted to move closer and wrap her arms around Seohyun's t-shirt covered shoulders, but in fear of waking her up, she remained by her side, observing calmly as her chest rose and sank in peaceful sleep.
She dimly noted the sunlight fighting against the closed curtains by the window, and right in that moment she felt more blessed than ever before. A sleepy, absent-minded happiness flowed through her, and the least drowsy part of her mind wished she could make the moment last forever.
Laying one of her hands on top of Seohyun’s, which was resting right by her side, she closed her eyes and let sleep drag her back into dream land once more.
The next time she opened her eyes, not knowing whether she had been asleep or awake, Seohyun was stirring, moving over on her side to face Yoona with a silent yawn, hair falling down over her face. Yoona grinned, unable to stop herself, and carefully removed a stray of hair from the younger's face. Seohyun opened her eyes.
The way she opened them only narrowly made them seem dark, black, thoughtless, but even that was adorable to Yoona. Seohyun stared at her for a moment with a furrowed brow, before stretching and giving another yawn.
"Good morning," Yoona said, almost smugly. Seohyun stared at her through one eye opened, one eye closed.
"What time is it?" she asked hoarsely, looking towards the window for a hint.
Yoona shrugged. "I don't know. Doesn't matter." She didn't bother to look towards her nightstand, as they had both left their cellphones downstairs the night before. Yoona's cellphone served as her alarm clock, so she didn't have a substitute.
Seohyun gave a long, drawn-out groan that sounded a suspicious lot like purring, and crawled in close to Yoona, burying her face in her neck. Yoona laughed, both from Seohyun's cuteness, her warm breath on her neck and the way her messy hair tickled at her face. She threw an arm over her back, squeezing her gently closer, and used her other hand to flatten out Seohyun's bed hair. "You should go back to sleep," she whispered. Her breath got caught in her throat as Seohyun pressed a warm kiss to her neck.
"No," the younger whispered back, continuing to place kisses between her words, "not when I know you're awake. Then I would rather be awake with you." Her tongue met with Yoona's skin for a short moment as it shot out to wet her lips. Yoona shuddered, and Seohyun's lips once again pressed against her neck in a long kiss. "I don't want to waste any time."
Yoona closed her eyes and tried to focus; the treatment was starting to make her a bit too comfortable, and she didn't want to rush the other girl into anything. She caressed her back carefully. "So you think sleeping in my arms is a waste of time, do you?" she asked, teasing.
"Mm, no, but..." Seohyun shook her head slowly. "How long can I stay today?"
Yoona thought for a bit, and the answer appeared in her mind immediately. "As long as you possibly can and want to." Seohyun's smile was obvious against her skin, and her hold on Yoona's waist tightened.
"When did you say your parents were coming home?"
"Not until tomorrow. Sometime at noon."
"Then..." Seohyun pulled back to look into Yoona's eyes. Yoona mourned the loss of warmth. "Is it okay if I stay until tomorrow? I promise to get up really early and be gone before they come home, and..."
"They already know you're here," Yoona said, interrupting Seohyun's ramble with a laugh. "You don't have to do that, I'm happy if you want to stay until tomorrow." Leaning in, she placed a kiss on the tip of Seohyun's nose. The latter smiled, somewhat embarrassed.
"I just thought... you would want to be on the safe side."
"My safe side is wherever you are," Yoona said, attempting a wink.
Seohyun wrinkled her nose. "That was cheesy."
Shaking her head, Yoona laughed. "I may not be really ready for them to know just yet, but I'm not ashamed of you." She pushed her fingers through Seohyun's hair, and felt the ever present need to protect boil up again. It frightened her a little. "Besides, they wouldn't figure anything out just from seeing us together. For all they know, we're just friends."
Seohyun nodded then, with a tilted smile that wasn't exactly happy, and Yoona knew what it meant. Hiding their relationship wasn't something she enjoyed, but for now, it was all she could do. Seohyun was the same with her own parents, so she knew the other girl wouldn't hold it against her.
"We should go to the store and get some food that's not that hard to cook," Yoona said with a slight laugh. "But not until after I've made you breakfast." Seohyun narrowed her eyes at her. "What?" Yoona asked.
"Do I dare? After yesterday?" the younger asked, and Yoona's mouth fell open.
"What?!" she asked, leaning away from the other girl on her elbows. "You said I did okay!"
"Mm," Seohyun said with a guilty smile.
"You said it tasted good!"
"Mm," Seohyun repeated, shrugging.
Yoona mumbled unintelligible words, making to get out of bed to find some band aids for her wounded pride when Seohyun grabbed her arm tightly. "I am just kidding," she said, laughing hysterically. "It came out wonderfully... in the end. You're just so cute when you get excited."
Wiping her goofy smile off her face before turning back to face Seohyun, Yoona let herself get pulled back into bed. "I may not be a master chef, but I make the world's best toast," she said, lying down on her back. Seohyun and draped herself over the other girl, resting her head on her shoulder. "You laugh now, but just wait and see. Your mind will be blown."
"I'm sure it will," Seohyun sighed contentedly. "You are amazing." One of her hands started wandering slowly over Yoona's stomach, tracing lazy circles around her bellybutton. The tingles it sent in every direction of Yoona's body made her fight for breath again. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her nerves, but every touch of the other girl's slim fingers sent her emotions spiraling further, and she knew that in Seohyun's position, she would easily be able to feel her racing heart. She rolled over, and forced Seohyun to do the same, leaning on her elbow and looking down at the younger girl.
"What?" Seohyun said, looking up at Yoona through big, beautiful eyes. Yoona shook her head, gave in to her desires and leaned down, pressing her lips firmly against Seohyun's. Moving closer, she positioned herself on top of the younger, her hands finding Seohyun's waist in a tight grip. Seohyun lay motionless under her for a second before responding to the kiss, hands trailing from Yoona's back up to the back of her head to finally curl an arm behind Yoona's neck, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Feeling Seohyun's eager response, Yoona let her hands start moving slowly up and down Seohyun's sides, feeling her ribs but forcing herself to keep some sense of self-control, repeating to herself over and over to stay calm and not do anything she might regret, but a slight moan still managed to escape her lips, and Seohyun pulled away.
"What? What's wrong?" Yoona asked, not moving from her position, worry swirling up as Seohyun seemed unwilling to meet her gaze.
"Nothing, I just..." She mumbled, her gaze fixed at a spot over by the door. Yoona mentally kicked herself; how stupid was she for trying something on their first day together when, according to Sooyoung's words, Yoona was Seohyun's first girlfriend?
"Tell me," Yoona said softly, placing a careful hand underneath Seohyun's chin and forcing her to look up at her.
Seohyun did so, and the nervous look in her eyes told Yoona everything she needed to know. "It's just... what exactly are you expecting?" she whispered, and Yoona's heart broke a little.
"Nothing more than you are willing to give," she hurried, stroking Seohyun's cheek slowly. "I won't rush you into anything, Seohyun, I promise." She moved off Seohyun, as if to prove her point, and moved her hand to play with Seohyun's hair. The younger gave her a sad, scrutinizing look for a few moments before she nodded.
"I just don't want anything to go wrong or feel strange between us," she said. "And I want to be able to be honest with you."
"You can," Yoona nodded. "Always."
"I want it to feel right, and... I don't think I'm ready." Seohyun seemed to wait nervously for Yoona's reply, and Yoona just shook her head with a gentle smile.
"That's fine, Seohyunnie," she said, taking the other girl's hand in hers. "I'm just happy to be around you." And despite how her want for Seohyun seemed to grow with every second they spent together, she knew it was true. Sure, she'd live in a constant state of sexual frustration until the time was right, but she knew, with all her heart, that it was better that way.
Seohyun smiled at her, and Yoona was happy to see how her nervousness seemed to melt away. "I hope you can be honest with me, too, so it's not just me telling you all my troubles, and you keeping everything to yourself."
I've been in love with you since the first time we spoke Yoona thought, but didn't say. "Of course. I really like you," she said instead, "and I don't want to mess this up. I understand that if it's your first time, it can be a bit..." She looked for a way to finish her sentence, but ended up shrugging when she couldn't find the words.
Seohyun gave her an almost disbelieving smile. "It's... not my first time."
Yoona widened her eyes. "It's not?"
"No," Seohyun said, shaking her head. "I've had a boyfriend before."
"You had a what?" Yoona repeated, trying not to look too surprised.
Seohyun laughed, a laugh that further removed the weight of Yoona's mistake from her heart. "A boyfriend," she repeated, "but when you say it like that, it sounds like a pet."
Yoona laughed along, perplexed. "Uh... Sooyoung made it sound like you hadn't been together with anyone."
Seohyun rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue in irritation. "Sooyoung doesn't know," she said, and was that a hint of a smirk Yoona saw on her face? "Only Sunny knows."
"Why didn't you tell them?" Yoona asked, truly curious.
"I was going to," Seohyun replied after a moment of hesitation. "But things happened before I was able to, and then... I was afraid they would judge me."
Yoona's heart sank. "What things?"
Seohyun bit down on her bottom lip, seemingly in deep consideration of what she should say. Her fingers started playing with Yoona's hand, and Yoona was happy to be Seohyun's anti-stress toy. "Well... like I said, I slept with him," she said carefully. "But... it wasn't entirely consensual."
"What?" Yoona said, her mind blank; she tried not to think, as the thought seemed to burn a hole in her head.
"It wasn't..." Seohyun began, but stopped to take a deep breath. "He didn't force me. He just said he wanted us to have sex, and I was too young to understand that I had the right to say no."
Yoona let go of her hand and sat up on the bed. "Seohyun, I'm so sorry, if I had known, I would never have..."
"It's fine," Seohyun cut her off, and Yoona was amazed to see that there was not a trace of tears in her eyes. "It happened when I was fourteen, I'm mostly alright. That's not the reason why I'm not ready for us to sleep together," she continued with an apologetic smile. "It's just too soon. I'm only telling you this because I think you should know." Yoona stared at her, unable to find her words. Why was she so surprised that something so horrible had happened to Seohyun? Because she had seemed okay? Was that ever anything to go by, how people seem? Seohyun had always been different, but that was the way her personality was. "You're too far away," Seohyun stated, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You have to come here and cuddle me."
Yoona hurried to scoot closer and placed a hand on Seohyun's stomach, but remained in her sitting position. She stared stroking Seohyun's hair again, and the younger girl closed her eyes. It was strange, she thought, how it was an action that was supposed to calm Seohyun, but always ended up calming Yoona, too. Just feeling her underneath her fingers. And as she sat there and watched as Seohyun's eyelashes fluttered, it hit her; she had fallen so much deeper than she thought initially, and Seohyun was so much more than what her eyes could take in.
"You're so strong," Yoona whispered, and Seohyun opened her eyes, still tearless. She didn't reply, but just met Yoona's gaze, put a hand on her thigh and smiled a weak smile of thanks.
Yoona looked away eventually, not wanting to show how creepy the intensity of her feelings was. "But you went through all this without telling anyone, because you thought your friends would judge if you told them?" She said, changing the subject slightly, but still not able to leave it completely.
"Yes."
"Do you still think they would judge you?" Yoona questioned. "I mean, Sooyoung and Taeyeon are both great, as far as I know." She gave a sad smile.
Seohyun returned it. "No, I don't think they would judge me," she said, "but so many years have passed, I feel like it's too late now."
"I just don't understand how it's possible," Yoona said carefully, "that they never noticed that something was wrong."
Seohyun gave a slight laugh. "They are people. People are mostly oblivious, I guess, and Sooyoung and Taeyeon are the epitome of oblivious people."
Yoona frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, for example," Seohyun said, and yes, now it was definitely a smirk, "Taeyeon keeps asking me things about Tiffany thinking I won't understand that she is completely, crazily in love with her."
Yoona's jaw dropped. "Taeyeon likes Tiffany?"
"Without a shadow of a doubt," Seohyun nodded. Yoona tried to attach her thoughts to this new information, and she was happy for Tiffany's sake, who'd been single much longer than her love-deficiency could allow. But in the end, her thoughts could not stray very far from Seohyun, and the horrible things she'd been through.
"Do you think you will ever tell them?"
Seohyun's smile changed and Yoona knew instinctively that it wasn't real. "Perhaps," she said, tilting her head. "Probably not. And that is okay."
Yoona nodded, supposing a confession like that wasn't something you just spewed out. Still, she was somehow terrified that the mistake she had made earlier would taint Seohyun's trust for her, so she took her hand again, squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry," she said again, knowing it made no difference.
"You really don't have to apologize-"
"I would never do anything to hurt you." Yoona's voice broke as she pushed the words out of her mouth, emotion overwhelming her. Why was the world such a horrible place? Why did awful things keep happening to good people, people who were loved? And why was it such a cruel lottery, the effect people's experience would have on them? Seohyun seemed to have pulled through her hardships, while Sungmin's life changed beyond recognition from his. Why?
"I am fine, Yoona," Seohyun said, squeezing Yoona's hand. "You don't have to protect me. I'm good."
"No, see," Yoona began, "that's why I have to protect you. So you don't ever have to become anything other than 'good'."
Seohyun seemed to consider her words for a moment before nodding. "Okay. But don't let us become like you and Sungmin; don't forget about yourself."
Yoona nodded, wondering why her words of advice made her so scared. Deciding that her relationship with Seohyun would be different than her friendship with Sungmin, she leaned down and pressed a careful kiss to Seohyun's lips.
"Let's get up now before we accidentally spend all day in bed," Seohyun said when they pulled apart, patting Yoona's knee.
"Explain to me how that's a bad thing."
Taeyeon may have fallen asleep where she was sitting. The exhaustion, anxiety and cold worked together to pull her into a slumber, and when she woke up it was with a horrible ache in her neck and a cold that seemed to seep into her very bones.
It wasn't late, though, she decided by how the sun was still out, beaming but not fully getting through the cold air. A car door slammed somewhere on the parking lot, and Taeyeon realized with a muddled surprise what it was that had woken her up; somebody had driven into the parking lot, which meant this someone could probably let her into the stairwell. She hurried up on her feet and pulled her dress down as far as it could go on her thighs. It didn't help much, and she desperately wished she had something to wrap herself in.
Taeyeon waited anxiously for the newly arrived person to walk around the corner and into her view. Whoever it was, as long as they weren't put off by her clothes and...
Her world began to spin and blur around the edges, and for the first time in her life she thought she was going to faint. But of course, she thought - why was she so surprised? Wasn't this perfectly in line with the way her life was going?
As she walked up to the door where Taeyeon was standing and desperately tugging at the bottom her dress, Tiffany's hair glistened in the sunlight. For the first time, Taeyeon paid no attention to the beauty of it. Neither did her attraction to the other girl seem pleasant or in any way positive; the only thing that brewed in the pit of her stomach right then was fear. Fear that stretched from her stomach to the back of her throat, unexplainable, undeniable, unhelpable. That girl was dangerous - she was the main reason why Taeyeon's life lay in pieces around her feet.
Tiffany didn't look up to see Taeyeon standing there until she was only a few meters away. Her face showed surprise, which almost immediately turned into worry when she noticed her pale skin and red eyes.
"Taeyeon," she said, stopping her steps for a moment. "Hi! What are you doing here?"
Taeyeon's lips felt numb and dry as she tried to smile. "I'm here to see Sooyoung." Wasn't that obvious?
"Is she not home?" Tiffany asked, taking the final steps up to the door, much to Taeyeon's horror. She backed away, hoping that it would somehow prevent the younger girl from seeing her outfit, but it was a lost cause. Tiffany's eyes widened as she scanned Taeyeon from top to bottom. "Wow, Taeyeon," she said, "you look gorgeous! What's the occasion?"
Taeyeon coughed in response, helplessly covering her thighs with her hands and shivering from how cold they were. "No, she's not home," she said quietly, "and thanks."
Tiffany moved to stand in front of the door, but her eyes didn't leave Taeyeon's face. "Is everything okay?" she asked cautiously.
"Fine," Taeyeon hurried dismissively. "What are you doing here?"
Tiffany eyed her suspiciously for a few moments longer. "I need to talk to Sooyoung too," she said with a smile. "But she won't pick up her phone."
"No, I noticed," Taeyeon said, finally giving up her attempts to cover herself. It didn't seem like Tiffany was particularly interested in looking at her either way, so what was the point? "So what, you just... decided to drive out to her apartment because she didn't pick up her phone?" she continued, hearing her voice home out hoarse and stern and knowing she was coming off as incredibly rude. It didn't matter.
"It's pretty urgent," Tiffany said, her smile turning sad. "I tried calling you, too... Thinking maybe you knew where she was."
"Oh," Taeyeon dead-panned, holding up the phone in her hand. "Sorry. No battery."
"Oh... that's okay," Tiffany said, leaning her back against the door and looking down. Taeyeon noted how careful she suddenly sounded and the way she seemed so sad, and despite having vowed herself not to ever think about Tiffany again, she couldn't help but feel curious. What could be so urgent that Tiffany couldn't wait for Sooyoung's call at home? And what would it take for her to stop caring?
"Anyway, I don't know where she is," she said, she too leaning against the wall beside the door. "So..."
"Well, I'll just wait here with you then," Tiffany said, smiling up at Taeyeon. "So neither of us will have to be so bored."
Taeyeon nodded but didn't say anything. Feeling her feet give way underneath her, she slid down wall into a crouching position, the skirt of her dress sliding up further. "Great," she said under her breath, not bothering to fix it.
"So..." Tiffany said, following Taeyeon's example and sitting down. "How come you're here, and not waiting for her to call you at home?"
Taeyeon did her best to look unaffected, but anger coursed through her body, mixing with the cold, and she felt herself tremble. "What I need her for is also kind of urgent," she bit out, not looking at the other girl. Tears welled up in her eyes, seemingly from nowhere. She knew that if Tiffany kept prying, she had no idea what to say. Despite her lifetime of practice, she wasn't a good liar.
She didn't look, but she saw out of the corner of her eye how Tiffany nodded slowly, looking down to her lap. Taeyeon blinked furiously to get the tears out of her eyes, and then Tiffany spoke again. "Taeyeon, it's obvious you're not okay. What's wrong?"
Taeyeon bit down hard on her lip. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."
Tiffany sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But if you need something, anything, know that I'm here for you, okay?" Taeyeon felt her intense gaze from her side, and she closed her eyes, willing the tears to go away, her heart breaking. "It's just... Ever since this whole thing with Sooyoung and Hyoyeon, I can tell that you're a really good person. The way you care for her is... You're incredible. So if there's any way for me to help you, please let me. Alright?" Taeyeon looked down, opening her eyes but not daring to blink in fear of the tears falling. They had filled up her eyes entirely, blurring her surroundings. "So I'll just ask you one more time," Tiffany continued, sighing deeply. "Are you okay?"
Unable to do anything else, Taeyeon let the tears pour. She buried her face in her arms, for a moment forgetting her exposed state, and sobbed hysterically. Just thinking of the question Tiffany posed made her heart ache desperately: she was not okay. Not even close. And how could she be? She was a freak, a freak whose own mother didn't want her.
"Oh, sweetie," Tiffany said, immediately hurrying over to Taeyeon's side, putting an arm over her shoulder. Taeyeon jerked away from the touch of Tiffany's warm hand against her cold shoulder, and in her state of calm hysteria she used all her strength to push her away.
"Please, Taeyeon," Tiffany said, grabbing Taeyeon's hands and holding them down firmly, "it's okay. Just let me be there for you."
And there was something in Tiffany's voice, the fact that it wasn't a demand, but a plea, a plea filled with tears of her own, and that was what won Taeyeon over. She relaxed her hand, hating how warm Tiffany felt next to her, absently realizing that that was the closest they had ever been to each other, and wanting nothing more but for Tiffany to take her face into her hands, kiss her, do whatever she wanted to her, if she could only want her. But she knew that those thoughts were the reason she was out there right then, outside Sooyoung's door when all of her friends seemed to have abandoned her, and all she was left with was the object of her passion, the reason for her damnation.
"My mother... kicked me out," she choked out. "She kicked me out of the apartment."
"What?" Tiffany breathed. Taeyeon kept her eyes squeezed shut, but she could imagine the appalled look on the other girl's beautiful face. "Why? What happened? Did you guys have a fight?"
Taeyeon shook her head, thought for a moment, and then nodded. "She asked me never to come back." And with that, another wave of tears broke through her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. The word seemed to ring truer now that she'd spoken them out loud, given them real life. The memory of her mother saying those words to her already seemed muddled and torn around the edges. It had all happened so quickly.
Tiffany kept silent, and just pulled Taeyeon into her arms where they sat, swaying from side to side as Taeyeon's sobs shook their bodies and eventually decreased in intensity.
"You know," Tiffany tried after a few moments, pulling back slightly, "people say all sorts of horrible things in the heat of the moment." She put a hand underneath Taeyeon's chin and tilted her head up, and for a short, horrible and exhilarating moment, Taeyeon thought she was going to kiss her. Instead, she just looked into Taeyeon's eyes sadly, her gaze full of sympathy and concern, sure, but without a trace of special affection. "Maybe you can work it out."
Taeyeon tried to think it over, but again the conversation with Stephanie that her mother had overheard flashed through her mind in a millisecond, and she moved her head away from Tiffany's careful hands. That familiar ache in her stomach came back at full force. "No," she said, surprised that she could at all use her voice anymore, tired as it may have sounded. "She hates something about me... that's not going to change."
The air tensed as Taeyeon wondered anxiously whether or not Tiffany would ask the question, and she couldn't make herself look at the other girl. She wasn't going to risk telling Tiffany the reason why she was thrown out, no, absolutely not now. Logic's small voice spoke up somewhere inside her and told her that since Tiffany's two best friends, Jessica and Yuri, were both lesbians, she probably wasn't a homophobe. But it didn't matter. When it came to Taeyeon it was different, and it would always be different. Especially since neither Jessica nor Yuri seemed to have pathetic, moon-eyed crushes on her, like Taeyeon did.
"...What is it?" Tiffany asked at last. Taeyeon shook her head, the ever-present fear rising up inside of her again. She tried to pry Tiffany's arm off her shoulders, but Tiffany refused. "It's okay," she said, "you don't have to tell me." She tried to mask a sigh. "So this is why you're here? You're waiting for Sooyoung to take you in?" Taeyeon nodded, still not facing Tiffany's gaze. "How long have you waited for? You're freezing."
"I don't know," Taeyeon replied, shaking her head. "Like I said, my phone battery is dead."
Suddenly Tiffany stood up and held out her hand for Taeyeon to take it. "You're coming home with me."
Taeyeon stared up at her in disbelief. "What?"
"You need a place to stay," Tiffany said matter-of-factly. "I have one."
"Uh..." Taeyeon said, remaining down on the floor, not taking the hand she was offered. "I, uh... I just thought I'd ask Sooyoung..."
"Come on," Tiffany whined, jumping up and down on the spot. "It won't be so bad! You can even have your own room at my place." Taeyeon laughed nervously, shaking her head. "Come on, please?"
"I... just really don't want to be a burden," the older of the two said carefully. "I mean, I have no money. I couldn't pay you anything." The tears had stopped flowing down her cheeks from pure shock.
"Psh," Tiffany said, dismissing her words with a wave. "You wouldn't be. It would be amazing! I get so lonely living on my own." She put on her best angel face and blinked a few times in Taeyeon's direction.
"Uhm," Taeyeon repeated. "I... I don't know..."
Tiffany snorted impatiently. "I understand if you'd rather live with your best friend," she said, gesturing towards the door, "but let's just start by going home to my place, just until Sooyoung calls. Then we'll take it from there. Sound good?"
Taeyeon took one look at Tiffany's pleading face and her extended hand, and decided she couldn't come up with a reason not to go with her. Nothing that wouldn't hurt her feelings, at least.
"Okay." She took Tiffany's hand and let her help her up on her feet, and for a second she noted how Tiffany's eyes lingered on her bare, pale legs and her short skirt. Her face felt warm, and she knew a blush was fighting its way over her cheeks, so she pulled her fingers through her messy hair in an attempt to straighten it out and hide her face as much as possible.
"Yay!" Tiffany said, throwing an arm over Taeyeon's shoulders again as they walked together towards Tiffany's car on the parking lot. Her legs felt numb and her feet were both asleep, and for a moment she feared they wouldn't be able to carry her and the added weight of Tiffany's arm around her, but she forced herself to keep walking. She couldn't think of many things that seemed like as much of tempting the fates as going to Tiffany's home, just the two of them, but she felt as though she didn't have a choice. How could she say no to those eyes and their little half-moon shapes? How?
And despite how scared she was, how absolutely and completely terrified she was, she couldn't push out the feeling of excitement and infatuated anxiety at being alone with the other girl.
Which was exactly what she wasn't supposed to be feeling.
Would it have been a normal day, Taeyeon's heart would probably have beaten so hard spots would dance around her eyes when she walked into Tiffany's living room, but not that day. Sure, being around Tiffany still made her nervous, but she realized with a stinging embarrassment that normally, the nervousness would have come from the minor, impossible possibility that she would have a chance with her.
Right then, it was the last thing she wanted. So that day's nervousness was born purely from Tiffany's beauty, and a desperate wish to not make a fool of herself in her company. Which, for Taeyeon, seemed like trying to avoid breathing.
"So," Tiffany said with a warm smile, "make yourself at home."
Taeyeon nodded, a stiff grimace covering her face, and sank down on the chaise longue. "Thanks." Silent tears were still running down her cheeks.
"First of all, we need to figure some stuff out," the younger girl continued. Taeyeon's mind was a blur. Was this really happening? Was she really sitting in Tiffany's living room, alone, talking?
"What do you mean?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"How long do you think you can stay?" Tiffany asked, and Taeyeon frowned a little. "I mean... Not like that, but... Do you think you and your mother will be able to solve your fight anytime soon?" she corrected herself. Taeyeon tried to not let the tears pour harder, not understanding what was happening.
"Doubt it," she said quietly. She tried not to let on just how utterly and completely smashed apart she felt, but from the look in Tiffany's eyes, it was obvious.
"Okay, well... We should get to the store and get you some things you like to eat," Tiffany said, still with her bright smile. "And the shampoo you use and so on."
Taeyeon squirmed. "No, really, it's not necessary, I should just wait until Sooyoung calls back and then -"
"Please, Taeyeon," Tiffany begged, inching closer to her on the couch. Fortunately for Taeyeon, she was still at least a meter and a half away, so it was easy for her to avert her eyes. "See it as charity for a lonely person," Tiffany said, fluttering her eyelashes. "Please?"
Feeling more like a burden than she ever had before, Taeyeon relented, nodding her head sadly. "Alright."
"I promise you I won't annoy you," Tiffany said softly. "It won't be so bad. We can watch movies and TV-series and eat ice cream and... You can use my computer and I can sit quietly in a corner and not be annoying."
Taeyeon couldn't help but chuckle. "Sounds okay," she said, touched by Tiffany's care for her, and somehow still furious with her for the same reason.
Tiffany nodded enthusiastically. "TV-series marathons are the best for emotional distress," she said matter-of-factly. "Do you have a particular one you like?"
"Uh," Taeyeon said, wondering what she could say that wouldn't make Tiffany see her as a complete dork. Realizing she didn't have the strength to lie, she decided to settle for the truth. "I like Buffy."
"Classic," Tiffany said with a wide smile. "Funny and distracting, but at the same time the emotion and tragedy of it all helps you work through you own baggage." Taeyeon tried on a smile, but it still felt too unnatural on her face. "Have you seen "Angel"?”
"The spin-off?" Taeyeon asked, wiping the pool of tears that had collected on her jaw. "No, I've only watched until early season four of "Buffy", so..."
"What?!" Tiffany exclaimed, scooting even closer to Taeyeon. "Then the best is yet to come! It's an essential part of any Buffy fan's life. We've got to have a marathon. I still have the DVDs around here somewhere."
Taeyeon laughed, mostly because of how Tiffany's enthusiasm was infectious, and how could she be excited about TV-series when she had just been kicked out of her own home? When she had lost everything? "Let's," she said, because even if it wasn't her top priority at the moment, it would give them something to do, something where silence was allowed. It lessened the risk of her embarrassing herself, and really, any more humiliation would be too much for her heart to handle.
"It'll be great," Tiffany said again, voice soft and testing. "We'll be lazy, watch TV and eat deliciously - and by deliciously I mean candy - until your mother comes to her senses. Alright?"
Taeyeon looked down to her lap, but nodded. And if she never does? she wanted to ask, but didn't dare. There was no answer. "Alright."
"Let's go to the store tomorrow," Tiffany continued. "Let's just do nothing for the rest of the day." She patted Taeyeon's thigh lightly, and Taeyeon almost choked on her breath. Her eyes widened, and she fought to hide it the best she could. She nodded frantically, looking away. "Let's get you something else to wear, too," Tiffany continued, standing up and extending her hand to Taeyeon. "As pretty as it is, that dress doesn't look very comfortable."
Discreetly taking a deep breath, Taeyeon took Tiffany's hand and let her pull her up from the couch. She was unsurprised to find that it was warm, smooth and fit perfectly with her own. "Thanks," she mumbled. "I would go home and get my own clothes when my mom isn't home, but I didn't get a chance to bring my keys when..."
"It's alright," Tiffany said, saving her from having to finish her sentence. "I have enough to spare. My stuff might be a little big on you, but... it should be okay."
They climbed the stairs together, and Taeyeon remembered the last time she had done so. Not much time had passed, but everything had changed. Last time, she had sneaked up the steps with Sunny, worrying about Sooyoung and her crush on Hyoyeon; and oh, how their worries hadn't been in vain. Fresh tears made their way down her cheeks. "Thank you," she said from where she was walking behind Tiffany. "I really appreciate it."
Tiffany looked at her over her shoulder and smiled. "Don't mention it. If they're uncomfortably big, maybe you could ask Seohyun for some, or maybe Yoona."
With a sudden start Taeyeon realized that she would have to borrow underwear from Tiffany as well - she would have to wear Tiffany's underwear. The world sure was cruel... She laughed through her tears and felt her cheeks warm up. "Yeah, I should set up a charity," she said, and Tiffany laughed along. "Get all eight of you to contribute something."
A beat, and then she could see Tiffany's figure jerk out of rhythm with her body, as they both realized Taeyeon had included Hyoyeon in the group. Her heart ached further, but she knew that if she would have excluded the lost girl, acknowledged that she wasn't here, it would have hurt more.
Tiffany's bedroom was, like she had expected, neat and tidy. She sent up a silent thanks to the skies that Tiffany seemed to be a neat freak; she wouldn't survive living with anyone else. God knew she had a hard time staying with Sooyoung at times. She had even cleaned her room on several occasions, while the taller girl lay on her bed and rolled her eyes at Taeyeon's antics.
"I think my charger should fit your phone," Tiffany said, picking up said device from the floor next to her bed. "This one, yeah?" she asked, throwing it over to Taeyeon, who barely caught it.
"Yes, thank you," Taeyeon said, plugging it in the wall before starting it up. She was not surprised to see she had zero missed calls and zero new messages.
Tiffany walked over to her closet and motioned for Taeyeon to follow. As expected, the inside was also organized, with shirts, sweaters, skirts and dresses on hangers, pants on a shelf below, and a last drawer at the bottom, which probably held socks and things Taeyeon didn't want to think about. "Let's see," Tiffany said, quickly rummaging through her hanging sweaters. Eventually, she picked out a purple one, and a pair of jeans from the shelf below. "Here you go," Tiffany said, handing them over to Taeyeon. "I've had numerous wars with the button on those jeans, so they should be okay for you." Taeyeon smiled stiffly. "And oh, right," Tiffany said, turning back to the closet and pulling the bottom drawer out. Taeyeon widened her eyes and turned away, feeling the redness rise on her cheeks again.
"Oh, uhm..." she said, wanting to say something to ease the tension, but from seeing how Tiffany bent down to search through her underwear, Taeyeon was the only one feeling it. After a moment, Tiffany straightened back up and passed Taeyeon a pair of pink socks and an almost matching pair of pink panties. Taeyeon took them without looking at them too much, sure that she had fallen into another dimension of hell while she was sleeping. "Thanks," she mumbled. It came out sounding like a growl, and she would have slapped herself if her hands hadn't been full of Tiffany's underwear, Jesus Christ.
"The whole bra-situation might be a problem," Tiffany said, shifting her weight between her legs with her hand on her chin.
Taeyeon shook her head behind her back. "It's-okay-I'll-just-go-without-for-now," she choked, backing towards the foot of Tiffany's well-made bed and sitting down on the white sheets.
"I'm afraid there's not much choice," Tiffany said. "You should probably ask Yoona or Seohyun, or maybe Sooyoung." Taeyeon wanted to ask since when Tiffany was so sure about the group's chest sizes, but realizing how immensely stupid that was, she kept silent. Tiffany closed the closet doors and turned around to face Taeyeon. "If you want to shower, I'll get you a towel."
Taeyeon shifted her position, glancing around Tiffany's room. "Later, maybe," she said. Anything that put off the time she would have to wear Tiffany's underwear, oh god, was a good thing.
Tiffany nodded in understanding. "Okay. Well, I should go up to the attic and get a mattress. You can take my bed, and I'll sleep on the floor, okay?"
"N-no, Tiffany," Taeyeon argued instantly. "I can't do that to you. This is your home."
"Yes, and you're my guest," Tiffany replied, inching towards the door. "I can't make you sleep on the floor, I don't want to treat you like you're my... slave, or whatever."
Taeyeon spluttered. The images that filled her mind were so inappropriate it was almost funny. Almost. "Believe me," she mustered, "if I was your slave, you... wouldn't let me sleep at all." What? she yelled at her brain, WHAT?! "I'm taking the mattress. That's not up for discussion."
Tiffany puffed her cheeks. "Fine," she said, slouching as she stalked walking slowly towards the door.
"I'll come with you," Taeyeon said, jumping off the bed.
"It's okay," Tiffany said, and was about to continue when Taeyeon's phone started ringing. Taeyeon picked it up the floor, and the caller ID told her it was Sooyoung. Taking her chance, Tiffany sprinted out of the room, and Taeyeon was torn as she picked up her phone and watched as Tiffany disappeared.
"Hello."
"What the hell is happening?" came Sooyoung's exasperated voice.
"I could ask you the same," Taeyeon scoffed. "I thought you and your phone was one entity nowadays."
"My mom took me out to a café, and then we went grocery shopping," Sooyoung explained. "She's the same as you, and she kept bugging me to just leave my phone at home for two hours, so I did. Now tell me, what is going on?"
Taeyeon took a deep breath. "My mom kicked me out."
"Kicked you out? What?" Sooyoung repeated, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Why? What happened?"
"She... found out about me. You know, the thing I told you a few days ago."
"How did she find out?"
"I... can't tell you that much right now," Taeyeon said, lowering her voice.
"Why? Where are you?"
"I'm at Tiffany's," Taeyeon almost whispered. "It seems like I'm going to be staying here for a while."
A pause, as Sooyoung took a deep breath. "Tae, I'm so sorry... is there anything I can do?"
"See if you have any clothes to lend me until I can get my own?" Taeyeon asked, leaning over the bed to see if Tiffany was on her way back anytime soon.
"Sure, of course," Sooyoung said. "Are you okay where you are? Cause you know you can stay with me if you want."
Taeyeon hesitated. She knew she should politely decline Tiffany's hospitality and go to Sooyoung's, that wasn't a question. It didn't make any sense to stay with Tiffany, who was the sin of life. It didn't make any sense to sleep under her sin's roof. But enjoying the company of a good friend, who happened to be a beautiful girl, wasn't a crime, was it? Right. Right?
Ignoring the fact that she knew it was a blatant lie, she said: "it's okay. I'm fine here. Thank you, though. And I will of course continue to come over if you need me."
"Don't be stupid," Sooyoung said, and Taeyeon was about to argue when Tiffany appeared in the doorway, dragging a mattress behind her with a pained expression.
"I'll see you tomorrow in school, Soo," Taeyeon said, getting up to help Tiffany the last few meters. "Text or call me if you need anything."
"I should be the one saying that to you."
Taeyeon was about to say her goodbyes when she remembered what Tiffany had told her outside of Sooyoung's apartment earlier the same day. "Tiffany..." she said hesitantly, "said she needed to talk to you." She looked questioningly at the other girl, who was dragging the mattress to the side of the bed. Tiffany looked back at her in confusion.
"Oh," she said then, when the mattress was in its right position. "That... can wait."
"Okay," Taeyeon said slowly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Soo."
"Sure. Take care."
She hung up and put the phone down beside the alarm clock on the nightstand, now lighter at heart after hearing Sooyoung hadn't been ignoring her. Tiffany adjusted the mattress' position on the floor, and stood up, panting slightly.
"So," she said, stretching her back. "Marathon?"
Taeyeon glanced at the pink panties she had left on the bed. No matter how many embarrassing moments they would have - and had already had - it had to be admitted: Tiffany was the best distraction in the world.
Chapter 20: "What's happening to us?"
A/N: I want to apologize about the last chapter. I got some mixed reactions from it and I think I didn't make the trigger warning clear enough, and I'm sorry about that. I'll be more clear in the future, I promise, and sorry to those I bothered ;;; truly. Thank you guys for sticking with this story.