Feeling much better this morning, as I usually do. Very glad I didn't try to break up with Rob last night like was my knee-jerk reaction to feeling this bad and not wanting him to feel bad too.

Fuck I wish my therapy appts weren't every two weeks and I had one this week. (They're every 2 weeks right now because of insurance.)

I have to change ( Read more... )

On Thursday I had a GP appt where she decided, due to various symptoms, that I pretty much had PCOS and ordered some lab tests to confirm it, including a transvaginal ultrasound and some blood tests also to check on various levels of hormones/cholesterol/thyroid ( Read more... )

It's four o'clock in the morning. Again. And I am awake, again. Fuck life ( Read more... )

Therapist report:

I went in with 2 questions: what are my therapeutic goals? And how do I measure progress in a way that makes me actually feel like I’m making some?

Goals:

• for me to be more confident
• more able to "encapsulate" my depression-what it is, how it affects me, why I feel the way I feel, to Know that it's not part of the “real” me ( Read more... )

( Therapist & psychiatrist musings/notes. )

This is from last night. I'm doing better now.

I'm so fucking scared I'm going to relapse. ( Or maybe I already have. [paperwork, psychiatry, medication] )

I am ambivalent ( Read more... )

The worst thing about therapy, for me, has been the realization that just because I finally have someone non-judgemental to talk to, someone who's trained to deal with this shit, someone who has my back and will gladly help me with whatever I need-doesn't mean I get out of dealing with this shit ( Read more... )

in the last two days:

• my psychiatrist put me on antipsychotics
• my therapist suggested I shouldn't be so worried about going to the hospital, like, just to take a vacation from my craziness
• Teyla scratched her stomach and acted like she was deathly ill, freaking me the fuck out
• they shut off my internet access because of file-sharing and I had ( Read more... )

so I have a psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday. I was making a list of my symptoms, right?

I draw a bubble.

I write "anhedonia."

And then I stopped because I lost interest.