Today I am feeling good about my decision to leave Austin.

It's been a long time since I was confident I did the right thing there-maybe never. But today I am feeling good about it. Helping that along is reading this metafilter thread about someone leaving an emotionally/physically abusive person.I don't know that I could call Austin ( Read more... )

I'm starting to think that I mourn a connection we never really had. Did I make it all up in my mind, out of whole cloth, out of stardust and memories and wishes? Did I just fucking wish we had all that and so I pretended we did? Or was it real ( Read more... )

I miss you so badly, but it's not a good idea to talk to you. So I've been told by a lot of people that I respect and trust, and so I believe, sometimes. Enough that it's not fair to you to subject you to my doubts ( Read more... )

I've been listening to Teenagers by My Chemical Romance on repeat for the last two hours. Wish I'd known about this song when I was a teenager, I'm sure I would've annoyed the living shit out of everyone by declaring it to be my theme song, like I'm also sure thousands of teenagers have done.

Last few weeks: overview ( Read more... )

Two days ago I broke down and called Austin a few times. He said he'd rather talk over text, so I made as good an argument as can be made in messages of less than 140 characters that we should get back together ( Read more... )

I don't want to give up on you. I don't want to think that a stupid bottle of lotion from the hotel that we stayed at for Alena's wedding has more lasting power than our relationship.

I know that this will pass, it is temporary, I tell myself. Sometimes I even believe it ( Read more... )

I am ambivalent ( Read more... )

I have successfully made it two days without contacting Austin. Managed to laugh a few times today without bursting into tears ( Read more... )

I'm exhausted and I'm sure you are too but what I really want I can never have again. So I might as well get used to it.

It hurts so bad.

Am spending lots of time with mother, who has encouragingly answered every time I ask the question why hasn't he called me yet? with "Because men are stupid."*

*I know they're not actually stupid but "because ( Read more... )

I broke up with Austin.

A combination of things, really. The distance being the main one. I just can't handle it anymore.

Hurts so fucking bad.

Beautiful Small Machines - So Long 2 U
( lyrics )