I have been struggling with my female body image the last few days or so.
( Read more... )

I always hoped that my body would naturally get more of a feminine shape over time while taking hormones. Well, I have recently noticed that my lower stomach/waist is more fatty and soft. Then it hit me earlier this week, when I gain new fat, it goes to my lower waist area mainly, just like I was when I was not on hormones ( Read more... )

I am a very negative person who is pessimistic about a lot of things. I wonder how much different would my life be if I was not this way.

Last night, I let my frustration ruin my mindset. I was exercising with my friends at our weekly social run. I got frustrated that I could not keep up with my friends while they did their really fast run. I can't ( Read more... )

I have not posted many pictures on here (actually I think only one). Mainly because I am embarrassed by my appearance. I decided that I will post some pictures of me across time.

( photos and captions here... )

This morning, Nicole, Yumi, and I were going to try a slow-ish 13 mile run. This would be the longest run we would have tried. I have noticed over the last few weeks that I have not been able to run long distances without getting tired early. 
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With most of my coming outs going relatively well, work being informed about my transition, and I suppose you could say general passing in public (even though I get stared at occasionally I feel), I feel that I should be happier about it all than I actually am (maybe I am just depressed today though so maybe that is why I feel like that).
( Read more about why I feel this way if you wish )

Sometimes I wonder, why try? Why do I eat less if it doesn't matter? Why do I try to exercise if it doesn't do anything? How do I motivate myself to continue? I better go find a place to run alone some more at some point, if it matters.

Maybe it is because exercising is boring, or because it is tedious, or because you work real hard to realize that all your work equaled to burning off a soda, or because you realize that this boring activitiy is necessary to achieve the body you want, or because you realize that you should start cutting even FURTHER back on food to the point of ( Read more... )

On Sunday February 20th was a little party at my parent's home that we celebrated my sister Erin's 8th birthday with friends and family. ( The week's details )

The more that I really think about transition, the more I realize that I need to finally go see a doctor about these hormones I am taking.

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