May I go back to telling you all about this small life, or has th Internet circus train left that station? I'm going around turning all th television sets off a minute before credits roll in an attempt to commit th world's first suicide by suspense. I cancelled my afternoon appointment so I could hallucinate to my cold medicine in private. I'm ( Read more... )

      My cousin and I couldn't stop doing or selling drugs. Th police would come over to my cousin's house and arrest us both; and as soon as th police were gone, my cousin and I would break out all of our drugs and start doing or selling them again. It was house arrest. It seemed as if every time our parole officers stopped by my cousin's house ( Read more... )

      The first trick is to stay alive for 40 years. Do not under any circumstance commit suicide; succumb to a terminal illness; drive an automobile by carelessness over a sheer cliff; or get murdered by a thief, disgruntled loner, enemy combatant, or jealous spouse. Begin making love to famous women when you turn 14. Fourteen years allows more ( Read more... )

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44 Presidents | Order from GCpress.com

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dear,

Thank you for this food. Thank you for taro boba smoothies, tongue tortas, Ray's Hellburgers, pickled green tea leaf salads, lechón, and pho. Thank you for shark fin siomai. Please help me do the right thing and not be too neurotic. Give me calmness and powers when I need them most. What would Joe Montana do? Yesterday I woke up ( Read more... )

there's a little kid named 4 PoundZ who does rap who appears to operate out of his kid sister's bedroom somewhere in Chicago, whom th Youtube commentators love to crucify. "Those aren't my Barbies. They're my sister's," he rebuts, and even in 2009 -- 18 years after I signed up for my first e-mail address, innocently -- it is a moment of profound ( Read more... )