Sometimes I feel like I'm a difficult person. I try not to argue or re-educate people most of the time, but I've rethought everything to the point where it might be a bit demanding to be my friend online. But the thing is, I can't go back to the things I used to believe, i.e. that fat is bad, diets work, marriage is for man and woman, you should ( Read more... )

I think it'd be easier if there was a way to DEFINE gender, and what makes you a man or woman or something in between. Are there other genders? If so, what are they and how are they recognized ( Read more... )

I have been doing too much stuff adn going to too many places and now I find myself unable to write everything out. Two days off may not be enough for this.

Brief bulletin points

-I may be genderqueer. I'm not even sure what I mean at this point. I'm not trans probably, I don't identify as a man and I doubt I ever will. But who can ever tell what ( Read more... )

I realize that most of the fandom is not strictly communicable, either directly at James Callis or to other fans. You might think I've said it all in the blog, but I haven't. It's hard to really communicate what it means to me. Maybe I shouldn't even try, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't try to Write it Out for the whole world (and preferably James ( Read more... )

I haven't posted a long fan musing in a while, so here we go.

( real James vs. imaginary; mostly happy thoughts )

M thinks my pressures as a fan might result from feeling inferior to James Callis. She might be on to something.

How could I feel NOT inferior to him? He's so smart and funny and talented and handsome and <- this is the wrong attitude.

( trying to fuse logic into my fandom )

 Anxiety over "what if God doesn't accept gays after all O.o". This is useless. I've already gone thru this crisis. But my mind is swooping into deeper depression - I still have to wait a week for the stronger meds to kick in - and it'll find anxiety topics everywhere.

( Trying to apply logic to religion. Impossible. )

Trying to find expression to how I feel about fandom now. I've been blogging about James Callis for two years and I wrote about it but I don't know if I was able to say anything real or new.

I stand in a vast silence, a vast landscape. I've been in this landscape before, but I'm seeing it better now. I see it as wider, or I see a new side of it. ( Read more... )

 Blah. 
So I went for a pizza - again, after having one on Friday and Sunday in the same place. I just can't resist it. I had a sausage pizza this time, with mozzarella and tomato. mmmmmmmmmm. After eating it, I felt gleeful and like I still had room for dessert. So I ordered a chocolate soufflé.

OH MY GOD that souffle. It was sooooo good. It was ( Read more... )

 
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