Well, im sitting here watching/listening to Neil give someone a tattoo. I don't mind the sound when im not getting a tattoo of my own. Otherwise i dread that song. I associate that sound with pain every time i hear it. Today is my day off its gonna be a good day ( Read more... )

I feel so helpless right now. Im so tired but i can't sleep. So many things are going through my mind. I feel like i have let everyone down. I haven't quit smoking. I haven't paid rent. I haven't paid Sean. I just don't know what to do. I wish i did. I need help, but i don't know how to ask for it. I don't want to ask for anything from anyone. I ( Read more... )

I am extremely bored right now. I agreed to get my tattoo finished today. Bring on the pain baby! Ugh, this is gonna suck with no cigs. I'm trying very hard not to smoke now, and same with weed. I haven't smoked weed in acouple of days. Im pretty proud of myself. I can just say no. There is no need for me to continue smoking weed if Neil isn't ( Read more... )

So me and Neil are fucking again. I'm not going to say that we are together... since i know we aren't. I want to be with him as a girlfriend, but i don't think he wants me like that anymore. I'm very worried that when his time is up at the treatment center, he is going to move on and never contact me again. And then what would i be... just a fuck ( Read more... )

I finally got some sleep. It was nice. I was so exhausted i didn't have time to think about anything. Thank god i was able to get a ride home from one of the taxi drivers. He gave me some advice. I should focus on myself and not think about men. Men will come and go. That's what i need to do. I need to focus on me. I need to get motivated again and ( Read more... )

So i've screwed things up. Bad. I'm trying to be friends with him but this is so hard. Not to touch him or anything. Even just his little comments hurt me. But i jump at every oppertunity to see him. Last night i went to Dunn Brother's coffee when he asked me. He said "Hey sexy." I don't want him to say anything like that to me if he isn't going to ( Read more... )

*sigh* how do i always screw everything up?? This is going to short and sweet. I love that no one reads this anymore. Its my own private journal that i can vent about anything. I wish i was happy right now. But im not. Not at all. I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry myself to sleep. This sucks.

So i just got a tattoo. It hurt quite a bit. I picked a very sensitive spot. My friend Neil did it. Well... i think he is more than a friend. I don't know if i want more with him. I really like him but... he does have a reputation. The sex is awesome and we get along really well. I can tell that he likes me and everything but... i just don't know ( Read more... )

This is my first journal in a long time. I really have no where else to write this that i don't want anyone to see. Im so agitated today. I can't stand it. I don't know what my problem is. I think im just jealous. I can't help it. I really like this guy and im so freaking confused about everything with him. I have no clue what he wants with me ( Read more... )

Well, here i am at Tom's... just chilling out.... writing in my journal while high. Its been so long since i have written in this journal. I check it acouple times of the week to see how my friends are since im kinda being a bitch, and not hanging out or staying in touch with them. I feel bad about it, but i just can't stop. I hope they could ( Read more... )