Totally bored.
I am extremely bored right now. I agreed to get my tattoo finished today. Bring on the pain baby! Ugh, this is gonna suck with no cigs. I'm trying very hard not to smoke now, and same with weed. I haven't smoked weed in acouple of days. Im pretty proud of myself. I can just say no. There is no need for me to continue smoking weed if Neil isn't going to smoke anymore. And if we are getting into a relationship, then i really don't want to smoke weed around him. I should totally move my brother's stash into his room.
There all put away. I need to start being an adult and learn how to manage my money. I spend and spend and spend. When i should be saving and being able to pay my rent on time. Im going to be late again this month. Only by a week. But i bet my brother and Sean are fed up with me being late all the time. I know i am. It's not making me feel any better. I think if i can just get my life on track i will feel so much better.
Hopefully i will get this job at D'Amico's. That would be nice, and more money for me. I would be working quite a bit and then i wouldn't have to think about cigarettes. I've been bad on the not quitting smoking. I've smoked but at least i haven't bought a pack again after that day... i might need to after this tattoo. OMG is it going to hurt.
I am very dissatisfied with myself. I am not where i should be. I should be in school. Oh, that reminds me. I went to LNAS yesterday. We had a meeting on graduation. It was pretty cool, lots of laughs. We just had to decide on where we wanted to eat and if we wanted robes or not. It was nice to see everyone again. Showed off my tattoo to everyone.
Hmmm... what else. We have cable now. It's fucking awesome. I love it. I get to watch my shows again. Like "What Not To Wear". I think that is the best show in the world and that i should totally be on it. I have no style at all. I can't even picture myself putting together a good outfit... I really need a style expert to help me out and i wouldn't mind spending that $5,000. Not one bit. It would be very nice. And to get a makeover, omg i would be in love!!
Speaking of love, im finally not in love. Well, i wouldn't call the love i had for Tom and Aaron real love. I loved them more as friends i think. I wish i never had hurt them and lied to them about that. That was not right of me. I shouldn't have to hurt people. In the end i always end up hurting someone. Or hurting myself. I wish i could erase the scars on my arms. The scars that i put there. They are so ugly, and i feel ashamed about them. I burned myself that one day when Neil... broke up with me. I guess thats what you would call it. At least that scar will fade in time. But the ones i did with Aaron, those will be there for a long long long time. They will probably never fade completely like most of my other ones have. Wow this is a long journal entry... well whatever im bored. But yeah back to the scars. Okay, nevermind, i really have nothing more to say. At least about that.
Hmmm... Roxie. Roxie is the cutest little creature i have ever seen. I love her and miss her so much. She is soooooooo big. I remember when she was so tiny. She would curl up right by my neck. It was the fucking cutest thing in the world. Now she is all grown up. Friskie is grumpier now that he is an old man. He still doesn't like Rox all that much.
Omg i am tired. I should of just gone back to bed and not insisted that Neil come over. I just love hanging out and seeing him. We have a great time. He makes me feel so sexy. Okay, well im done. This was fun. I miss writing my thoughts out sometimes. It's always difficult for me when i write it out. But typing i can get all of my thoughts across as they come out of my mind. Im faster at typing than writing. Okay well Neil is here and im gonna go.
Later,
Mary
There all put away. I need to start being an adult and learn how to manage my money. I spend and spend and spend. When i should be saving and being able to pay my rent on time. Im going to be late again this month. Only by a week. But i bet my brother and Sean are fed up with me being late all the time. I know i am. It's not making me feel any better. I think if i can just get my life on track i will feel so much better.
Hopefully i will get this job at D'Amico's. That would be nice, and more money for me. I would be working quite a bit and then i wouldn't have to think about cigarettes. I've been bad on the not quitting smoking. I've smoked but at least i haven't bought a pack again after that day... i might need to after this tattoo. OMG is it going to hurt.
I am very dissatisfied with myself. I am not where i should be. I should be in school. Oh, that reminds me. I went to LNAS yesterday. We had a meeting on graduation. It was pretty cool, lots of laughs. We just had to decide on where we wanted to eat and if we wanted robes or not. It was nice to see everyone again. Showed off my tattoo to everyone.
Hmmm... what else. We have cable now. It's fucking awesome. I love it. I get to watch my shows again. Like "What Not To Wear". I think that is the best show in the world and that i should totally be on it. I have no style at all. I can't even picture myself putting together a good outfit... I really need a style expert to help me out and i wouldn't mind spending that $5,000. Not one bit. It would be very nice. And to get a makeover, omg i would be in love!!
Speaking of love, im finally not in love. Well, i wouldn't call the love i had for Tom and Aaron real love. I loved them more as friends i think. I wish i never had hurt them and lied to them about that. That was not right of me. I shouldn't have to hurt people. In the end i always end up hurting someone. Or hurting myself. I wish i could erase the scars on my arms. The scars that i put there. They are so ugly, and i feel ashamed about them. I burned myself that one day when Neil... broke up with me. I guess thats what you would call it. At least that scar will fade in time. But the ones i did with Aaron, those will be there for a long long long time. They will probably never fade completely like most of my other ones have. Wow this is a long journal entry... well whatever im bored. But yeah back to the scars. Okay, nevermind, i really have nothing more to say. At least about that.
Hmmm... Roxie. Roxie is the cutest little creature i have ever seen. I love her and miss her so much. She is soooooooo big. I remember when she was so tiny. She would curl up right by my neck. It was the fucking cutest thing in the world. Now she is all grown up. Friskie is grumpier now that he is an old man. He still doesn't like Rox all that much.
Omg i am tired. I should of just gone back to bed and not insisted that Neil come over. I just love hanging out and seeing him. We have a great time. He makes me feel so sexy. Okay, well im done. This was fun. I miss writing my thoughts out sometimes. It's always difficult for me when i write it out. But typing i can get all of my thoughts across as they come out of my mind. Im faster at typing than writing. Okay well Neil is here and im gonna go.
Later,
Mary