Kinda down today...
I feel so helpless right now. Im so tired but i can't sleep. So many things are going through my mind. I feel like i have let everyone down. I haven't quit smoking. I haven't paid rent. I haven't paid Sean. I just don't know what to do. I wish i did. I need help, but i don't know how to ask for it. I don't want to ask for anything from anyone. I know if i asked my parents they would help me, but they have already given me so much. I just wish i could do something. I wish i could snap my fingers and i would have money. I took out money for rent... but im still short. Hopefully i will get enough birthday money to pay everyone back. I hate being poor. I hate being broke all the time. I need to stop spending and start saving but i don't know where to start. My life is crap. I can't do anything. I am in debt still. I still haven't even started paying for my credit card. No one but Tom knows about that card. My parents don't know at all... i wish i could tell someone. Maybe if i just disappear everything will go away. I know that won't happen... wishful thinking. Ugh, i really hate my life right now. The only time im happy is probably when im in Neil's arms. But even then... it feels false. I don't know what to do with him. I don't even know where we are in a relationship... is it a relationship? We just fuck most of the time. GOD. I suck. How can anyone like me.... why does anyone like me??? Please let me know.
Mary
Mary